Am I the Problem?

Gillian MartinTrainer, Speaker & Social EntrepreneurCaptivating Solutions Consultancycaptivatingsolutions@gmail.com

After a heated debate with his supervisor, John rushes to the water

cooler to keep his cool (and his sanity)

“Why is Mary so stiff-necked? Why is she always breathing down my neck?” he mutters to himself

Mary, John’s supervisor is equally annoyed and wonders to herself:

“Why is John so carefree and disorganized?”

Both John and Mary need to take a look at the man in the mirror

It is important to do a self-analysis whenever conflicts arise and ask the

very vital question: “Am I the problem?”

In her capacity of supervisor, Mary needs to ensure that she displays a high level of emotional intelligence

by managing her emotions as well as that of her the person she leads

The conflict should end with both parties being calm

The relationship between the parties can improve if a collaborative

approach is applied when handling the conflict

This approach allows both parties to express their needs and find

solutions that will satisfy both sides

Mary should also help John to improve in his weak areas by providing

recommendations for improvement and coaching

Mary also needs to recognize John’s potential and utilize his strengths

On the other hand, John needs to adopt Peter Drucker’s philosophy:

“The best way to predict the future is to create it”

If John wants Mary to stop “breathing down his neck”, he needs to ensure that he takes pride in his work and

presents his work in such a way that he wins her confidence and respect

This should prompt Mary to give him a greater level of empowerment

Both John and Mary should observe each other’s preferences and

personality styles

The relationship will improve when each party provides what the other

party needs

In accordance with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator which identifies

different personality types, John has the personality of a Perceiver and

Mary is a Judger

Perceivers tend to have a flexible work style while Judgers are

organized

Ultimately, the success of the relationship is heavily dependent on

compromise and mutual respect

The next time the reflection of your relationship is about to be smeared by conflict, wouldn’t it be good to first take a look at the man in the mirror and ask the question: “Am I

the problem?”

All honour to the Lord Jesus Christ who arms us with the skills to

manage conflicts

Some Workshops Offered by Captivating Solutions Consultancy Include:

Conflict Management: “The Real Winner”

Anger Management: “Serenity at Last”

Team Building: “Harmony at Work”Leadership: “The Anchor”Creating a Healthy Environment:

“Close for Comfort”Managing Your Emotions: “Cool,

Calm, Collected… and Happy!”