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Understanding theFamily Matching Process

Western Tradition: Romantic Love

Traditional Arranged Marriage

• Least successful basis for marriage in history• Separation of sexual love from responsibility and consequences• Free sex selfish love• Many BCs- seduced by their environment

• Motivation: position, status, $, selfish gain, narrow interests• Unhappy marriages, male dominance, abuse, double standards

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Value of Cheon Il Guk Matching• Under True Parents’ Guidance and Authority• Requires Absolute Faith / Immediate Spiritual Method• Ownership of Your Faith / Matching Decision• Purpose of CIG Matching & Blessing- Establish

Original Standard: faith/purityRECOMMENDED REQUIREMENTS: Family culture of Absolute Faith

(unconditional acceptance, trust & purity) Inspired to build love on Vertical Foundation

(no romantic illusions) Not out of parents’ or candidate’s desperation/ lack of confidence

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING:Cheon Il Guk Standard

Recreation of Garden of Eden

1. Absolute faith (accept TP’s match w/o question)

2. Absolute purity3. Beyond nation & race- one family4. Perfect health5. Public life, conditions of sincerity

“TEXTBOOK” ofOriginal Standard for Blessed Families

TRUE PARENTS’ GRACE:Embrace Everyone First

Take Responsibility for All Blessed Families

2004: Path for Fallen BCs TP’s Matching2006-07: Special Amnesty CIG Standard2009-10: Special Grace “Textbook”

CouplesFoundation Day: Grace and Renewal for

All

1) True Parents’ Special Grace 2) “Getting Back on Track”

Process

“You may be thinking, ‘It is only Father who can do the Matching, not us,’ however that is not so. You are all able to do the Matching, because God, who is supporting me, is also supporting you, just the same.”

Father

PARENTS’ MATCHING:Bequeathing True Parents’ Tradition

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Value of Parents’ Matching• Closer to original Principle (Not by Distant Authority)• God works as powerfully as with TP’s (but differently)• My experience: New Dimension of Relationship w/ God• Despite CIG Matching, TF did not remove Parents’

Authority [Wouldn’t Intervene]

UNIQUE STRENGTHS AND BENEFITS: Blessed Family’s Standard & Unity [4 GRH] Husband Wife Relationship Parents [Family Family] Relationship Time, relationship, Couple’s ownership of decision

New International Matching Guidelines

Creating a Legacy of Love

New International Matching Guidelines

Overview of Family Matching ProcessAnd Guidelines

Important Policies:1. Parent-centered process 2. Respecting candidate’s input 3. One family at a time4. Clear, distinct stages5. Couple’s ownership of their matching decision6. Full disclosure & family ownership7. Trained, certified Matching Advisors

Family Matching Handbook

Creating a Legacy of Love

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES

Recommended Stages of Matching Process

I. PreparationII. The Matching ProcessIII. Becoming a Couple

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

I. Preparation Stage1. Parents’ spiritual & educational preparation2. Candidate qualification & preparation

How do I know I’m Ready?Subjective Factors• Faith• Motivation• Maturity

• Capacity to Love• Self- Identity and Value

Objective Factors• Age• Healthy spiritual life [serve, tithe, pray, connect…]• Life plan- school, career, goals, $, etc.• Social & relational skills• Application process• Purity Interview

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES

Recommended Qualifications for Candidate1. Minimum 18 to begin process; 20-21 is better!2. DP Education to 7-Day level; deeper is better!3. Completion of application process by candidate4. Completion of purity interview5. Complete Blessing Workshop (3 levels)

3 Levels of Blessing EducationI. “Ideal of the Blessing” [Age 16 and Above]

II. “Becoming an Ideal Partner” [Age 18 and Above]

III. “Start Smart” for Couples [For Matched Couples]

Each participatory, interactive program contains:- Meaning of the Blessing [Vertical, religious dimension]

- Individual maturity & preparation [1st Realm of the Heart]

- Healthy relationships [2nd Realm of the Heart]

- Clear next steps and personal plan

Being developed as workshop & small-group study manuals- Online?

Online Application Process forMatching and Blessing

A Clear, Coordinated Application ProcessI. Before beginning the matching process [District level]

A. Candidate informationB. Family and church information C. History and qualification D. Candidate profileE. Health reportF. Interview and disclosureG. Photos

II. After concluding a match [National BFM]A. Submit matching reportB. Update and submit all documents

III. At the time of the BlessingA. 1-page registration for the Blessing event

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

I. Preparation Stage1. Parent’s spiritual & educational preparation2. Candidate qualification & preparation

3. Developing a Family Matching Plan (w/ child) 4. Practical and financial preparation

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

II. Matching Stage1. Finding candidates

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING:2001 TP Bequeathed Authority to BCFs

“The vertical connection is eternal and therefore more important than the horizontal, which is temporal. That is why parents must be a part of the choosing of the mate. This doesn’t mean that parents should arbitrarily choose partners for their children, but rather the parents should intervene, representing heaven, in order to ensure the harmony of the vertical and horizontal relationship. This is the meaning of the Blessing.”

Father

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

II. Matching Stage1. Finding candidates

2. Selecting one candidate & family to consider3. Recommending a candidate to your child 4. Couple’s communication period (freedom)5. Finalizing a match (or re-start process)

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS

III. Becoming a Couple1. Plan commitment ceremony2. Hold commitment ceremony, report match3. Growing as couple w/ parents’ support (object.) 4. Participate in Blessing Ceremony

www.familyfed.org/bfm

www.blessedfamilies.org

www.bcmatching.org

For 1st Generation:www.cheon-il-guk.org

Family Matching HandbookIntroduction…………………………….. …….

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True Parents’ & True Family’s Guidance…. 5

The Significance of the Marriage Blessing.. 8

Overview of the Matching Process & Guidelines 10

Preparing for the Matching Process……….. 12

The Matching Process………………………. 20

International Matching……………………….. 33

Unificationists who Joined as Children…….. 39

Family Matching HandbookResources and Reference Materials………. 43

Appendix 1: Matching Plan Worksheet……. 46

Appendix 2: Questions for Parents………… 50

Appendix 3: Questions for Candidates..…… 52

Appendix 4: Role of Matching Advisors…… 54

Appendix 5: Commitment Ceremony Ideas.. 56

Appendix 6: Contact Information…………… 58

Appendix 7: Blessing Fees………………….. 61

Matching Website Tutorials……………..Supplement

Matching Handbook HighlightsP. 13- Unity- the MOST important Sp. ConditionP. 15- How do I know I am ready?P. 18- Developing a Family Matching PlanP. 20- Finding potential matching candidatesP. 22- Identifying & recommending a candidateP. 26- Building a Relationship / Reaching DecisionP. 28- Physical closeness: what is appropriate?P. 30- Value of a Commitment CeremonyP. 31- The “I-deal Year”

Matching Handbook Highlights2nd Edition- What’s New!

• Family Matching Plan Worksheet

• New section for candidates who joined when they were young (with their parents)

• Orientation to the matching webtools

• Value of the Matching Advisors

• ALL sections updated, rewritten & improved

THE “I-DEAL” YEAROur Promise to Seek Help with Challenges in Our Blessing

 Blessed Family Ministry, Unification Church- USA

 Any relationship between a man and woman, no matter how loving, committed and deep it may be, will face challenges and difficulties. God designed men and women as complementary opposites; we love differently, and experience love differently. Of course, the best way to maintain a strong marriage is to live a healthy spiritual life as part of a supportive community. But it is normal and natural for any relationship to face times of crisis. Our National President and Senior Pastor, Rev. In Jin Moon, explains that creating an ideal family means I “deal” with the challenges inherent in family relationships.

When such painful times arise, the strength of your eternal commitment is of course important. However when you feel overwhelmed, it is smart and healthy to get help. If you cannot find the way to resolve your struggle, it is not acceptable to simply withdraw and avoid, drift into non-communication, or seek comfort in unhealthy ways. It is important to report your situation honestly, not only to a friend, but also to a trusted mentor, counselor, or Blessed Family Department representative. The BFM is committed to providing a network of support and guidance that can assist you confidentially and professionally.

The “I-deal Year” is a commitment to invest at least one year in a guided and supported process to heal and renew. This is a minimum requirement for any Blessed Couple, before concluding that your marriage has no future.By signing this form, your couple is making the following promises: We promise to maintain an eternal commitment to our BlessingWe promise to report to the BFM if troubles ariseWe promise to invest in our “I-deal Year”   _________________________________ _________________________________Groom’s Name [Print] Groom’s Signature

_________________________________ _________________________________Bride’s Name [Print] Bride’s Signature 

_________________________________ Date

 

Matching Advisors

Family Matching HandbookMarriage and Family Resources

www.familyfed.org/bfm

Thank You!