Post on 12-Jan-2016
transcript
If you could wave a magic wand...
What do you want for your child’s future?
hap·pi·ness:noun
good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy
INGREDIENTS:1.Confidence2.Competence3.Relationships
If your child could wave a magic wand...
What does she want to be allowed
to DO?
WHY DO WE SAY NO?
6
WHY WOULD WE LET THEM TRY?
Proves independenceLeads to competence
Builds relationshipTeaches
resilience.
STATS
• Sallie Mae study of undergrads: average credit card balance is $3,173
• US Census Bureau: 2010 adults age 25-34 living at home ↑26% to 5.9mil
• >2/3 parents give their adult children $$$ support (doubled in 20 yrs)
CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIESThe Myth:“Getting involved
will make us both feel better!”
The Truth:Stepping back
helps kids become adults.
SOURCE: Journal of Child and Family Studies, Feb 2013
“Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of
depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on
college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived
violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and
competence.”
THE COST
WHAT ADULTS KNOWChildhood is for learning:• Independence• Competence• How to build relationships
Stepping back a little strengthens kids.Independence →RESILIENCE
Love• Empathy• Helpfulness• Greater resources• Experience• Habit• Genuine enjoyment
Fear• Responsibility• Overwhelming• Deteriorating• Future
consequences• Risking the
relationship
GUILT.
WHY DO WE STEP IN?
ONE STEP BACK
Skill building• Chores• Homework• Food• Errands• Extra-curriculars
Relationship building• Siblings• Friends• Other adults
Problem-solving
RESILIENCE CHALLENGES
Mistakes Accidents Pain Social consequences Judgment from other parents Haters 11:00 News…
WHAT ADULTS NEED TO REMEMBERAdult involvement supports•Safety•Growth•Learning
Adult intervention harms •Confidence•Competence•Relationships
GUIDE THEIR PLAN
• Let life teach the lesson!• Praise the process.• Play “What if?”• Read a book or watch a show.• What would you tell a friend?
“I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”
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