EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT EX *

Group #18Kathryn Popp- poppk1@mail.montclair.eduJessica Rakus- rakusj1@mail.montclair.edu

INTRODUCTION

• In 1969, David Reuben, MD,. wrote the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex*• This book primarily focused on sex

education • What do we do when the sex is over–

and you’re left with an Ex?

INTRODUCTION

• This book will help you to stop getting stuck in the past and to:• Gain personal insight• See if your more than just friends with an Ex• Manage past relationships better• Look for the right person• Figure out if your addicted to your Ex and how to

break that addiction

DATA

Data was collected through anecdotes and stories from:• Clients• Friends• Strangers• Own experience with past relationships

• Claim to be relationship experts at this point• Comparisons to other books

• Reference to He’s Just Not That into You• Only statistical data the authors provide:

• There are at least twenty-five million divorced people and one million more each year (Belle and Fiordailso, 2009). • No real source provided

DATA

Source: CDC/ National Center for Health Statistics National Vital Statistics System

YearDivorces & annulments

20091 840,00020081 844,00020071 856,00020061 872,00020051 847,00020042 879,00020033 927,00020024 955,00020015 940,000

Provisional number of divorces and annulments and rate: United States, 2000-2009

2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009750,000

800,000

850,000

900,000

950,000

1,000,000Divorce and Annulments

TEN SIGNS YOU’RE NOT JUST FRIENDS

• You’re not just friends if:• 1. You think about him all the time (either positive or

negative thoughts)• 2. He still pushes your buttons• 3. You hide your contact with him• 4. You flirt even though you don’t want him• 5. You rag on his new girlfriend• 6. You use his friends to get to him• 7. You want to get back together• 8. You’re not in a new relationship• 9. You don’t introduce your Ex to your new boyfriend• 10. You’re still having sex

DATA

• The authors explain that there are a few exceptions to these signs, but from their experience they know that this is far and in between (Belle & Fiordialiso, 2009).

• If you consider your Ex to still be a friend, does he:• Support you?• Is he on our team?

LETTING GO OF YOUR EX• Most people don’t let go of their ex because they are

afraid of abandonment (Belle & Fiordaliso, 2009).• Some signs include:

• Fear of being alone• You always need to be the one to end a relationship• Unable to deal with criticism well

• Signs that you are abandoning yourself with an Ex:• Trying to constantly find out information about your ex• Having sex with him• Putting his needs before your own• Always talking about him• Not focusing on the positive in your life

DATA

• Dealing with past relationships can affect your self worth.

• Signs your ex is ruining your self-worth:• Living in the past• Your ex is the best you’re ever going to get• Accepting abusive or inappropriate behavior

• How to gain your self-worth back:• Volunteer• Go out with people who make you feel good• Take care of yourself

DATA

• A social relationship, such as a network relationship is a good way for one to over come divorce [or past relationship] (Krumeri et al., 2009).• Examples: Support groups, church community, close

circle of friends • Network relationships seem to promote all

forms of positive adjustment, including global adjustment, coping, well-being, positive affect, overall happiness, and life satisfaction (Krumeri et al., 2009).

DATA

• “Self-worth comes from enriching yourself with experiences that stretch you and help you use your own experiences to know yourself better (Belle & Fiordialiso).”

• Research has found that past relationships do in fact influence one’s decision about future partners as well as the way they feel about themselves (Lewandowski & Sahner, 2005).

RESULTS• Does the data you find refute or support the data used to

support the book thesis?• In some ways, but they don’t have any credible sources to back their claims

up, just like any other self help book

• Is this book actually helpful? Why or why not?• It may be good to get a good laugh from reading about people’s experiences,

but it is not actually that helpful. There is some good information in the book though.

• Is the author properly trained to write a self-help book? Why or why not?• Yes. Their degree’s are in the same field of the books topic; besides from

their credentials they claim that they are “experts” in dealing with past relationships because they have dealt with their own relationships and heard from their clients.

RESULTS• Heather Belle,

MFC• Counseled children

from divorced families.

• Contributing columnist for eHarmony’s advice site.

• Career in the entertainment business

• Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW• Undergraduate degree and

master’s degree in Clinical Social Work from New York University

• Writer, psychotherapist, certified nutritional consultant, and a former private chef

• Currently the clinical director of www.shrinkyourself.com- has been scientifically proven to help people lose weight

• Contributing writer on eHarmony’s advice site on Single Mom’s Advice for Dating

DISCUSSION/CONCLUSION

• Basically, the book wants you to:• See your past relationship(s) as an

opportunity to start fresh• Move forward with your life

• Don’t be obsessed!• Understand that you may be more than

friends with an ex• Learn to love again in a new and improved

passionate way than before

DISCUSSION/CONCLUSION

Future research and book ideas• Don’t use bias data collected from friends/own

experience • Perform a study on the topics in the book• Collect real & reputable data

• Real data would make the book more believable and reputable • Include statistics from study• Make reference to valuable data

• Biased answers- not much reference to a man perspective

• Possibly market book to both men and women, not just women

DISCUSSION/CONCLUSION• Is it possible to be more than friends with an ex?

• Yes, it happens without people realizing it. The authors state that once people understand that they are more than just friends with an ex and they really don’t want to be, they tend to back off (Belle & Fiordialiso,2009).

• The authors also suggest that women are crazy and obsessive after a relationship?• This can be a bias answer. The stories talked about in the book

made the women out to be the crazy ones by always being obsessed with their ex- is that really a sample of the whole population though?

• Having real sources in this book other than anecdotes would have made this book a much better self-help book and much more believable.

DISCUSSION/CONCLUSION

• 10 Signs You're More Than Just Friends*

Are you over your ex?Check out the video above!

FINAL EXAM QUESTION

What was the main reason for writing Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex?A. Too many past relationshipsB. There is enough info on Sex ed; not enough

on Ex ed.C. For funD. To make extra money

Answer: B

FINAL EXAM QUESTIONS

Which is not an example of a network relationship?A. Your best friendB. Your co-workersC. Religious communityD. Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend

Answer: A

FINAL EXAM QUESTIONS

Which year from 2001-2009 had the lowest number of divorces?A. 2005B. 2009C. 2008D. 2001

Answer: B

REFERENCES● Belle, H, & Fiordaliso, M. (2009). Everything you always

wanted to know about an ex. Naperville, Illinois: Sourcebooks Casablanca.

● CDC/National Center for Health Statistics. (2011). National marriage and divorce rate trends. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.ht m

● Kramrei, Elizabeth , Coit, Carissa , Martin, Sarah , Fogo, Wendy and Mahoney, Annette(2007) Post- divorce adjustment

and social relationships. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 46 (3,) 145 -166.

● Lewandowski, J. W., & Sahner, D. (2005). The influence of past relationships on subsequent relationships: The role of the self. Individual Differences Research, 3(4), 269-275.