Post on 24-Jul-2016
description
transcript
069.
This is the apartment
that I boarded up once it was late and I was feeling very grateful about
some thing evry
which frightened me I felt so full of love and blood I couldn't keep from lashing out
with wood
with
tongue
with nod
with
bang
bang bang
'til the splinters dug in deep and made me calm it isn't my apartment but that doesn't mean I didn't care
070.
This was a present
from a very dear friend how I hadn't meant to be the last one in the woods that day how I'd triumphed over evryone completely unintentionally and how much that bugged me how I met the pine bear before the blood had dried around its mud how the way it said my name was so different from the way I said my name and yet how it hurt me without even meaning to how it left the blackest tattered wing beside my head for me to find when I woke up and how I didn't question it
how I still have no idea what made this wing and how much love I own for it because of that don't ruin this for me
071.
This is me admitting
I was lying when I said my phone is broken
what I meant was when you speak
all I hear are crows
and it's dangerous
how much I like that
072.
This is just a DVD
with KID STUFF written on the front in permanent marker with UNFORGIVEN written on the back in knife with MINE written on my face in face do you want it? I don't I rly rly don't
073.
These are several notes from the exterminator
who visits me sometimes when I'm not home one says
there's a raven in yr teakettle
left it in there in case it's supposed to be
one says
sometimes I look out yr window but I still can't see what you see
sometimes I look in yr window but I still can't see what I want
included with a drawing of what looks like heavy breathing one just says
MEDICATED
which I found taped to a barely moving trash bag (that one's my favorite) one says
I've killed so many things inside yr home
one says
I miss you
we still haven't met but they seem very thoughtful
074.
This is my pet laugh track
whom I love who likes to hide beneath the stairs startle me with sudden blame who feeds on symmetry and croak (I'm not afraid to buy my silence) who is nameless and belligerent who knows when I'm asleep I don't know what I'd do without him I'd likely still have no idea a laugh could sound so unhappy
075.
This is a trap
I'm only giving you this one chance
076.
This is a patch of strawberry jam
wait no it's not I'm not sure what that is actually I'm just gonna leave that there for now safer to just let it sleep
077.
This spider has been in my family for generations
we don't rly use this room anymore
078.
This is Brenda
hi Brenda
079.
This is nothing
understand? this is nothing
080.
This used to be a barely moving trash bag
but now it's just a shaking moaning throbbing lonesome violent violent trash bag I think it likes you normally I don't have to hit this hard
081.
This isn't upsetting you, is it? it's just that look in yr eyes I mean I understand because like yes but y'know I just hope yr having fun
082.
This book is actually a tumor
yep this one is too and so's this one the rest of them are not but they could be given the right incentive
083.
This is a picture of me as a teenager
note my vision note my second stone face note my foggy hair and the crap of indecision that covers me like wax I've bled in many diffrent ways since this was taken but I'd like to think that now I at least have better fashion sense
084.
This is me giving a guided tour of my motives
085.
This is me becoming liquid
and increasingly unhinged
086.
This is probably all a bit much or maybe I just have no business sense
087.
This is how the librarian smells
I didn't steal it if that's what yr thinking
088.
This is a scar I got from the sun
like it's no big deal but we have a history you just wouldn't undrstand and yes it does
089.
This is a dead bird
I dunno I just thought it looked nice
090.
This ditch
I went down to the lake and I pulled it up from the mud and I didn't even look at what was written on it but I pulled it right up from the dust foam and coughed and the air was dark which I liked and the dark encrypted how I felt which I liked and the dark was the dark of my bedroom weathr and I was awake and I was so tired I forgot how to get to the lake and I was wide awake on the inside of my mouth and the ditch was heavy in the dark and the ditch was awake and the sky was spattered in a diffrent way than how I pictured it and the world turns even when I'm all unconscious and I reflect brilliance and by morning the ditch called me Father and I was the dark and I strayed toward
the sun until someone noticed me and the lake noticed me and called me Mother and I took the ditch in my cracked hands and I lay it down in my bed and I touched its spine and kissed its head and bleached its hair and by morning it was so used to the fear that I stopped feeling guilty and the world kept turning and I learned absolutely nothing and the lake didn't even recognize me and I said I don't care and the floor was wet and my hands were cattle and all I wanted was to be good and the curly fuzz on the back of my knuckles and the sun-sent brilliance and the dirt on my fingers and I kept on lying even aftr all that
091.
Just so you know
none of this stuff is for sale I was just curious to see if putting price tags on tiny pieces of my life would help me feel something
092.
You don't have to leave
it's dark out and I like yr voice
093.
But still
don't touch anything