Post on 02-Sep-2018
transcript
But here’s what adds to the complexity:
The parts we live all the
time, but maybe to which we don’t give
enough credit
TENSIONS
Four Common Places We Find Tensions
In our internal experience
In our behavior
Within the family
Within the school experience
Our Internal Experience
Tensions in Handling Information
What we know
Who to listen to
Awareness Understanding Acceptance*
*Acceptance of what is (or what was) so you can move forward effectively.
Not the same as resignation or giving up.
Unaware Not understanding Not accepting
Yourself Your instincts
Others Professionals
Our Internal Experience
Tensions in Outlook Optimism (naivete?)
Possibility Potential Good odds Good outcome
Limitation Bad odds Bad outcome
Trust Faith
Lack of trust Luck/Randomness
Pessimism (skepticism?)
What about ME??
Selfishness Self care Strengthening The oxygen mask
How we view the future
How we view uncertainty
Our Internal Experience
Tensions in Posture
Vigilence
Managing how it looks on the outside
Details Bases covered Thoroughness Proactivity Swift responses
Mired in detail Lose sight of big picture Micromanaging Anxiety Too many contingencies Effort spent on things that never happen
What works What’s good for you/your family Allowing vulnerability
Looks good to others Missing out on help?
Denial Protective Strategic Hiding from what is
Tensions in Our Behavior
The Stress Response
Flight
Freeze
Break Time to think Opportunity to gather info Return to try again
Avoidance Running away Sweep it under the rug Things stall or move on Without you
Wait, breathe! Oxygen mask Return to try again
Action stalls Things move on without you
Fight
Advocacy Assertive, Firm Energy Fighting “for” Relationships intact
Combativeness Aggressive Fighting “against” Relationships strained or broken
Our Behavior
Staying in our head
The intellectual scramble
“I have to be strong”
Research Learning Talking Meeting
Implementing Experimenting Trials Tracking/monitoring
Pushing through Charging ahead Do it anyway
Honoring exhaustion Recognizing overwhelm
Proactivity
Tensions within the Family
Balancing Needs siblings
What’s fair? Necessary? Practical? Possible? Ideal?
Sibling with special needs
kids Spouse/marriage
Extended family Supporters
Extended family Detractors
Family dynamic
Tensions that Come Up at School
Would you deny your kid glasses? Side effects Meant to help the kid
The easy way out Side effects Meant to help the adults
“Everybody” settings Specialized settings
Descriptive Establish eligibility Provide baseline info and assumptions
Limiting Stereotyping If we stop at the label, we miss the individual
Meds
Inclusion
Labels
Tensions that Come Up at School
Talking About the Future… and Today
Independence Ticket to inclusion in the real world
More content/exposure Higher achievement Ticket to inclusion in the real world
Ability, what’s “right” Strengths, skills Passion, preferences
Disability What’s “wrong” Deficits
Inspiring Hopeful Empowering It’s never too early
Scary Overwhelming Complex It’s too early
There’s only so much time in the day
“Don’t dis my ABILITY!”
Transition Planning
Souvenirs from the Journey
Change is possible. Change is inevitable.
Look at challenges as “hard,” not “bad.”
Acceptance is not the same as giving up.
Acceptance in the present allows the shift from “bad” to “hard.” This allows for better
problem-solving.
Forgiveness is accepting that you can’t change what happened in the past.
Forgiveness is not the same as saying it’s OK.
Forgiveness/acceptance frees up energy, focus and effort for today’s challenge.
Souvenirs from the Journey
If it seems impossible, try relaxing your timeline.
Keep your sights set as high as you can for the future.
Pay attention to your instincts.
Read Brene Brown.
Take the oxygen mask seriously.
If your trust meter is stuck, go back and think about forgiveness/acceptance.
Course correction is OK. (Balance is hard!)
Stress is a reality but not always bad.
Final Thoughts
Our kids are resilient.
Be gentle with yourself.
Don’t isolate yourself. There are a lot of us out here.
It’s OK to laugh!