Jane Evans Trauma Parenting Specialist. © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy2...

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How to support parenting post domestic abuse

Jane EvansTrauma Parenting Specialist

Introductions

Confidentiality Respect Safeguarding

Timekeeping One at a time

“The only stupid question is the one that isn’t asked”

No ‘experts’ Use it or lose it!

Mobiles - keep them off if possible!

Be curious, question, explore Discuss and contribute - with

anyone/everyone here Make notes Use this as a springboard to find out

more & embed into practice

Parenting is not just about parents, but anyone whohas a role in raising children - carers, extended family, friends, professionals, organisations,community members ...

Today could be…?Because…..?I will give myself permission

Parenting & Childhoods

Thirty per cent of domestic violence starts in pregnancy and between four and nine women in every hundred are abused during their pregnancy and/or after birth

(Department of Health 2005: para. 2.4)

Domestic violence & abuse

Around 750,000 children a year are exposed to domestic violence and there will be children affected by it in nearly every school

(Department of Health 2002: 16)

Domestic Violence & Children, Sterne & Poole

A study of children & mothers exposed to violence found: 85% of children were present while their

mothers were being abused some in way In 71% of families, children saw their mothers

being physically assaulted(McGee 2000: 66)

Pre-birth stress can lead to a foetus experiencing raised levels of stress hormones via the placenta

Severe maternal stress during pregnancy is associated with prematurity, low birth weight, and infants who are irritable, hyperaroused and colicky

(Levy & Orlans, 1998)

Pre-birth adversity

Research and observation have demonstrated significance of the in utero experience.

Maternal emotional, as well as physical, messages are transmitted to the feotus.(Verny & Kelly 1981 in Levy & Orlans, 1998)

Brain is put together like building blocks from bottom upwards

The normal development of top part of brain depends upon healthy development of lower brain

Top part of brain is most able to be changed, as it’s where the thinking occurs

Why early experiences matter

Early experiences shape structures in ways that have a lifelong impact on three of our most vital areas of learning: attachment, emotional regulation and self-esteem.Cozolino, 2013

Areas impacted

These 3 areas of learning establish our abilities to connect with others, cope with stress, and feel that we have value.

Cozolino, 2013

Why it matters so much

Mental & physical healthAccess to educationVulnerabilityChallenging behavioursInter generational domestic abuse

Why We Should All Be Worried

How are you feeling today Baby Bear?Illustration by Laurence Jackson

Parenting impacted by trauma

Parent’s Job Description

What issues do parents present post domestic abuse around:

Children’s behaviourTheir relationship with their children

Exercise

Barriers to parenting in an abusive relationship Emotional Practical

Emotional Practial

What advice do most parents get?

Tools for the task!

SUPERNANNY24

“You may have to put your child on the Naughty Step ten times in half an hour, but eventually he will realise you are

serious and stay put.”

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/Make-the-Naughty-Step-Work-for-You.aspx

Do we have a carrot and stick approach?

My dad always smacked me and it didn’t do me any harmThey need to earn their rewardsI took her Nintendo, PlayStation, TV & DVD away last nightParent’s have gone too softIt was never like this when I was a kid

How does that match trauma & attachment needs of parent or child?

What does most parenting rely on?

What does this remind you of?

How brain and bodies are impacted by trauma

“Maclean’s (1990) concept of the triune brain is a useful starting point……. He distinguished the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the neocortex” Music, G (2011)

The Triune Brain

http://www.esotericonline.net/profiles/blogs/the-dragons-of-eden

Forming pre-birth, regulates heart rate, breathing, temperature, sleep, hunger, instinctual behaviours, life preserving – flight fight freeze friend flop

Survival ‘lower’ brain

0-4 developmental focus, memories of feelings, stress response, nurturing, separation anxiety, fear, rage, social bonding, hormonal control centre

Emotional memories ‘mid’ brain

Developmental spurts between 5-6, 11-12 & 15, into late 20’s!!

Empathy, predicting consequences, planning, delayed gratification, sequential thought, attention, problem solving

Executive, clever, ‘higher’ brain

When all goes well……….

All three parts of the brain inter-relate and, in a healthy brain, are very connected in a range of ways

As the brain gets more organised, the more complex areas begin to control and moderate the more reactive, impulsive lower brain. 37

BRAIN100 billion neurons

Develops from the inside out

& bottom upwards

Organisation & construction is

“use- dependent”(Perry, 2006)

Is most open to being moulded in the baby & infant stages

LISTEN for the ‘experience’

Decide if it’s relaxing, stressful, happy, scaryPass the string down the right line & onto the next one as quickly as possible

Exercise

Brain Scans

Healthy Neglected

Average brain has about 100 billion neurons

Are born with nearly all these Neurons connect rapidly in first 5 years of life to form cortex

Brain remains open to re connection throughout life

Average neuron connects directly to 10,000 other neurons

Key Points

Clever Brain

Emotional Memories

Survival Brain

No magic wands!!

No sticking plasters!!

What to do?

What it is about – calmness, kindness, teaching, nurturing, acceptance

Working with the child – keeps them in thinking brain & builds connection to care giver

Learning with out fear – put a child in the ‘frozen fear’ zone & they are using their primitive brain not their thinking brain!!

Tuning In

Own childhood trauma Feel overwhelmed Stress/anxiety response Emotional state Negativity Avoidance Shut down

What child’s trauma can trigger in a carer

Understanding the meerkat brain Taking care of inner meerkat Soothing the inner meerkat Seeing the baby meerkats as stressed &

scared Introducing: calmness connection correction

Parenting impacted by trauma

calmness connection correction

Regulate RELATE REASON

Scared Meerkats Like….

Exploring Feelings

Jane EvansTrauma Parenting Specialist, Freelance Trainer,

International Speaker & Author

www.parentingposttrauma.co.ukTwitter: @janeparenting2

First Impressions: Exposure to violence and baby’s developing brain

Jane Evans Trauma Parenting Specialist. © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy2...

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