Post on 13-Jul-2018
transcript
My reflection
the devil
Harderwijk July 2014 revised version 23 May 2016
author : Majana Silvo
facebook https://www.facebook.com/Majana-Silvo-184238531780191/
website
http://home.caiway.nl/~adjo77/Majana_Silvo_-_journey_through_my_unconsciousness.html
why should we stay asleep if we can wake up
CONTENT
1 : I LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN LIFE 2 : A NEW CHANCE 3 : DEVILS FIRE 4 : THE CANDLE OF ANGER 5 : MY ONLY ENEMY 6 : FLEE FROM YOUR SELF 7 : GET ACQUAINTED WITH THE DEVIL 8 : SHAKING HANDS WITH THE DEVIL 9 : DREAMING ABOUT A BETTER WORLD 10 : FEAR FOR LOVE 11 : ACCEPTING MY SHADOW 12 : A LIFE OF DYING 13 : THE TRUTH WHOM WE BELIEVE 14 : A LITTLE BIT MORE TRUTH 15 : A NEW CHANCE 16 : THE WOLF 17 : TRANSFORM FEAR INTO LIFE 18 : THE TERRIBLE MONSTER "MY PAST" 19 : SUBMISSIVE TO GREATNESS 20 : CHAINED TO MATTER 21 : THE PATH TO THE STARS 22 : THE FORGOTTEN WORLD OF THE NOW 23 : DARK WORDS 24 : LOOKING WHERE I GO 25 : SURVIVE 26 : THE DEVIL TRICKS ME 27 : THE MISPLACED DEVIL 28 : MISTAKES 29 : BLACK MEMORIES 30 : FEAR AND IT’S BUDDIES 31 : INFERNAL RULES 32 : DELIVERANCE
33 : THE BLACK ROSE 34 : CONQUER THE DEVIL 35 : THE TRUTH IS LOCKED UP IN MY HEART 36 : ENDURE HELL 37 : HIDDEN TREASURE 38 : RELEASE 39 : MONSTROUS ILLUSIONS 40 : SHAKING THE DARKNESS OUT OF MY BODY
1 : I LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN LIFE
I am alive and no matter how much
courage I need and how hard it is
and how much I fear it
I shall always love life a little bit more
because there is nothing else I love more
even if I have to give up everything I am and I stay
until I understand why
23 December 1999
2 : A NEW CHANCE
the first rays of spring sunlight make the heavens brighter and the shadows less dark
life can start anew
after the break of the death of winter
life arouses there where it seemed
that it was gone
the emptiness is being filled up with light, warmth and new life
a new chance to be allowed
to exist
19 March 2000
3 : DEVILS FIRE
it doesn't matter how much fire the devil
throws in front of my feet
my desire for life blinds the devils fire
of destruction with the radiant force
of the truth
18 April 2000
4 : THE CANDLE OF ANGER
I am afraid of my own shadow afraid of the power of anger
I think it away
I have to meet my shadow get to know him and accept him
I have to let the candle of anger burn in stead of blowing out the flame every time
while blowing out the flame
the candle of anger continues to exists and the anger will rule my life
and I have lost
5 May 2000
5 : MY ONLY ENEMY
I am my only enemy
I try to run away from her
but wherever I go
she will already be there
because she is me
10 June 1998
6 : FLEE FROM YOUR SELF
people look round
into the mirror
see your shadow the nastiest, darkest and worst
part of your self
you would be terribly shocked you would want to run away from it but this doesn’t make any sense
you would only run away from your self
10 June 2000
7 : GET ACQUAINTED WITH THE DEVIL
in spite of the blackest black of the night I believe in the pure white
that lies somewhere hidden in the corner of every human heart
however it is shaded by our shadow
we loath the bad part in our self we loath our shadow, the devil
we run and hide
we must see through the true nature of our shadow
we must get acquainted with the devil then everything will suddenly be different the shadow will change into pure white
then we will remember
who and what we really are
13 June 2000
8 : SHAKING HANDS WITH THE DEVIL
I did not see my ME I did not see the truth
and then
all that is left over is oblivion
shaking hands with the devil
as a shadow shone by black light
in a big lie
a nightmare out of which I cannot wake up
11 July 2000
9 : DREAMING ABOUT A BETTER WORLD
pain from long ago from the little girl
I used to be that dreamt about a better world
however I grew older
the long gone dream has blown away now I wait till I wake up
out of the nightmare while life goes on
shall I ever dream again
about a better world or is all my hope worn out in the hell of the darkness
7 January 2001
10 : FEAR FOR LOVE
world will you tell me that I do not have to die yet
even though all short of things die inside my heart
it hurts so much
I want to love the world deep down in my heart I do
but I build a wall around my heart
however I do not dare to show the world
how much I love him it is to much for a human heart
it will set my heart on fire
it will kill me
for this fear my heart dies
17 January 2001
11 : ACCEPTING MY SHADOW
world will you teach me how I can accept my shadow
may I meet him and get acquainted with him
to see through that he is a part of me a part of my whole
because without him I am not whole but a heart that is half empty
then I am someone who thinks she is herself
instead of someone who is herself
29 January 2001
12 : A LIFE OF DYING
I feel unhappy because I refuse to live
I concentrate too much upon illusions whom create a hell
that I see in front of me
and I believe that what I see
even though I know
that this hell does not exist I refuse to see the truth
I live a life of dying
30 January 2001
13 : THE TRUTH WHOM WE BELIEVE
nobody belongs to the river of lost souls
many times we feel lost
and many times we seem lost
but is this the truth or is it true
because we turned the lie into a truth in which we believe
11 February 2001
14 : A LITTLE BIT MORE TRUTH
I survived another depression and now I see the point of it
I lived into a grind I had forgotten all previous lessons
I had fallen asleep and I dreamt illusion
through the negativity of the depression
I woke up and remembered the truth
now I can chose consciously my way into a world that looks a little more like the truth
than the dreamt illusion “depression”
11 February 2001
15 : A NEW CHANCE
a depression laps me up I feel that I am
in the eye of a black hole while the world falls upon me
a big destruction with raging forces
a dark grey baby did die
and washes ashore on a beach shall she get a new chance
somewhere else for a decent existence
15 January 2001
16 : THE WOLF
"wake up in the real world" I read in the glitter
of the eyes of a fiery wolf right before he wants to bite me to death
the wolf is my shadow
I only have to accept him after which a bite to death
becomes unnecessary it was just my ignorance
of the shadow that created the angry wolf
now the wolf can peacefully die
the shadow can dissolve into nothingness
9 April 2001
17 : TRANSFORM FEAR INTO LIFE
is it the negative that is frightening the negativity creates a reality
that becomes like a hell and the one whom created it
begins to believe in it
hell exist as long as we believe in it
but if we can accept the negative
as a part of existence if we gain hope
that we can change our reality that is created by the negativity
into a reality that is more based on the truth than we can slowly transform
our fear into life
9 April 2001
18 : THE TERRIBLE MONSTER "MY PAST"
I am being attacked by a big and terrible monster
I take a good look at the monster
and I suddenly see my past
I see the different painful moments
of my childhood memories in the glowing reflection
on this black gleaming fur
how can I free myself of this terrible monster "my past"
3 June 2001
19 : SUBMISSIVE TO GREATNESS
a willpower so big
but what can I do with it
to dream about unreachable heroic feats
but in truth
just a human being
submissive to a surplus that is so much bigger
5 June 2001
20 : CHAINED TO MATTER
all colors of the rainbow dance into the sky
like little Goddesses
they will never know what is it like
to be chained to matter
no the sway and glide
upon the eternal light into infinity
5 June 2001
21 : THE PATH TO THE STARS
a door with solutions
to the unanswered questions
with whom I can create a path
that shall lead me to the stars
14 June 2001
22 : THE FORGOTTEN WORLD OF THE NOW
the years of death have past no more fighting’s
with the devils and demons that once lived in my mind
I killed them and they killed me
a new world has been born
and a new life is what it has given me
a new life in the forgotten world of the now
I only forgot how I must live here
the only thing that I remember is the dark of the night
the fear and the fighting with devils and demons
whom still live many years ago
and now I stand here alone
with the peace and quietness of the real live the devils and demons
are left behind in the distant past
there is no one now who can tell me how to life
because this life is mine and mines alone
and now I am going
to experience it
19 June 2001
23 : DARK WORDS
I awake upon an almost round globe the blurry creatures around me
call it Earth
they seem to communicate with each other in words of darkness
but how can I ever understand them words of darkness do not illuminate
28 June 2001
24 : LOOKING WHERE I GO
walking with my head between my toes
I try to see wherever I go
but walking hinders me
to look through my toes
28 June 2001
25 : SURVIVE
I am afraid that the dark of night will fall upon me
and will take away my live I try to survive
with fear of death
my instinct tells me to survive
mankind lives to survive
and they do whatever it takes to do so
only the strongest and most powerful will survive
but mankind forgets
that she is more than a mere animal she can more than survive
namely she can live and that is quite something different she can live in peace and harmony
but only the ones
that gave up the survival those who know that death does not exist
shall with a pure heart truly understand what real life is
10 July 2001
26 : THE DEVIL TRICKS ME
every time I meet the devil every time when I look in the mirror
and see my dark shadow and every time I choose
to run away from the dark I have lost from it
and when I flee I better not turn around
cause maybe I see the devil laughing at me
because he succeeded again
to trick me and keep me imprisoned into the black
separated from the freedom whom I furiously seek
11 July 2001
27 : THE MISPLACED DEVIL
humans are made up of good (white, light, positive, alive, God)
and evil (dark, black, negative, death, Devil) together they shape our personality
but good is not always good
and evil is not always evil
throughout the centuries humans have stick labels
upon what is good and what is evil
but sometimes they go hand in hand
and are not separable from each other
because we distinguish we distinguish black from white we project black outside of us and stick it upon something
and call it evil and that what we call good
we keep for ourselves but how good is this
we must learn to see through
that we are responsible for the white and the black
into our lives
let the good in us and the evil in us
balance out each other
if we do not do this we keep on fighting
against the devil that wonders around
somewhere in the outside world while in fact it is only our shadow
a parts of us and our personality
fighting against the devil
in the outside world only keeps us chained
into a fight against our self
why should we chose to fight why should we fight against our self
if we can chose for freedom
11 July 2001
28 : MISTAKES
mistakes
are a gift
to be able
to change the world
13 July 2001
29 : BLACK MEMORIES
I found back black memories
that were still hidden in my heart
but as long as I keep on ignoring them
they shall stay inside my heart
13 July 2001
30 : FEAR AND IT’S BUDDIES
in my dreams I meet fear and it’s buddies
I try to hide
because I do not want to be seen I succeed
fear and it’s buddies don’t notice me
but I notice that my dream teacher notices me
and my avoiding behavior
one look into his eyes and I understand it
what the hell am I doing
I keep alive the things I wish to destroy
13 July 2001
31 : INFERNAL RULES
the world hits me in my face with the truth
world
why do you seem so complicated why are there so many complicated rules
whom I cannot understand partly because I do not want to understand them
because I wish a world that is simple
I feel attacked by the rules
whom seem to take over my life the world slowly sinks
even though it can float I am certain of that
even though the world is lovely an earthly paradise
now I can only see the infernal rules
that keep me from seeing an earthy paradise
17 July 2001
32 : LIBERATION
I hear death softly calling me
I know that I long for liberation
to set my Self free from a physical prison because as a human
I shall never know total freedom
and it is this freedom my soul yearns for
8 August 2001
33 : THE BLACK ROSE
I remember long ago
when I was still free and life was life
but one day a black rose
started to grow and blossom
she did sow negativity
in the shape of sad happenings and these sad happenings destroyed my life
and her thorns did hook me up to the memories
my cry for freedom
makes me remember that I am still caught up
into the memories sown by the black rose
scraped by her thorns
shades by her blackness she claims my soul
my thoughts, my deeds and my life I no longer want to be a slave
of this black rose
I wish to be free I wish to live my life in freedom
to interact with other people exchange experiences and thoughts
with each other
to be able to share the heaviness of life together
in delight
instead of being weighed down all alone
under a too heavy weight
I pick up an axe and begin chopping down the black rose
9 Augustus 2001
34 : CONQUER THE DEVIL
I did survive a hellish black I leant that a human can be very strong
it seems a man can withstand more than I had thought
I know that nothing can cut me down
I shall not allow this the devil is conquered
I shall not allow the devil to change my rainbow
back again into grey and black
1 September 2001
35 : THE TRUTH IS LOCKED UP IN MY HEART
let the night extinguish let the pain wipe out the negativity
I did experience them I did learn from them they cannot teach me
something new anymore
I remember for all time that the truth of love
is locked up inside my heart in every heart
of every creature that I meet into this world
9 September 2001
36 : ENDURE HELL
my life looks like a ray of light
I feel as free as a feather whirling through the clear blue sky
blown forwards by the wind of a sentimental song
I can only be amazed of what once was I remember a different time
a cold dark lonely cell of my inner prison
I did endured hellish existence through the bottom of my heart
I felt how it felt to lose the wish to exist
I know what it is like to live life in a self made hell
in the loneliness of rejection and repulsion
the memory of my wish to die stays but the death wish is dead now
the death wish is what brought me real life it is strange but real
to live in light and happiness
makes man forget about the truth of light and happiness but after enduring hell
I shall receive and experience light and happiness with an open heart
I let the light and happiness in all it’s capacity
dance inside my heart hell did teach me to enjoy every lovely moment
and I am very thankful for that
17 October 2001
37 : HIDDEN TREASURE
humans try to steal treasures of other humans
while they overlook their own treasures they have inside of them
humans admire the treasures in the world and in others
instead of admiring their own treasures
but then who does see their own treasures that lie hidden
somewhere in the cellars of our heart under a lot of dust dust of much pain
that no one dares to touch because who knows
which devil lies underneath it
30 October 2001
38 : RELEASE
the silk cords tear gradually slowly the parts fall away
that no longer belong to me I say farewell to them melancholic
they leave me behind confused
all kinds of memories are shaken out of me like autumn leafs that fall from a tree
while a storm wind blows and leave the tree bare
every leaf that falls feels like a loss
in a reflex I want to hold on to the known that once was
even though I do not need it anymore
I must release the things I have been through and give it back to mother earth
in order to make room for new life
22 November 2001
39 : MONSTROUS ILLUSIONS
I am being followed by a nasty, terrible monster
it scares me it creates illusions of dark landscapes
where it seems that the sun has become extinct he wants me to belief
that I lost my way
I even forget that I cannot lose my way
because wherever I go
while I go, I create my way if I would go left or right
if it appears wrong or right it doesn’t matter
it is my way and I can never lose it
I do not allow the terrible enemy to fool me
with whatever it sows I no longer wish darkness so I shall act as an candle
and lit my inner light so I can see
that my enemy isn’t that bad at all
he darkens into his darkness
and then he disappears into my light
27 November 2001
40 : SHAKING THE DARKNESS OUT OF MY BODY
like every day that I have to go to work I go by train
and I am surprised about all the beautiful things that pass me by through the window
until I notice the people in the train coupé gloomy people with a sad atmosphere around them
caught up in a cloud of gloomy darkness most of them find support with other people but if I single them out they appear gloomy
if I only could
shake the darkness out of their bodies if I would do this literary it would cause a lot of hilarity
but it is also meant figuratively in my thoughts I shake and tremble them
and in my mind I see the darkness slowly sinking beneath and eventually the black falls apart in pieces unto the ground
and when the dark screen has fallen
suddenly a light is burning the light was already there
but it was invisible because of the dark cloud that was hanging around it absorbing all the inner light
how different the world would appear
if everyone would shake the dark out of their bodies
the world shall be brighter the world shall begin to shine
of peace and happiness
11 December 2001
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