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The power of spiritual intimacy
Feng shui to enhance love
Anything can be healedp72 p32 p48
Your personal answer to the ultimate question
ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 `100
Winner of theMedscape India
award 2012
“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” — Viktor Frankl
8th anniversary issue
?Whyam Ihere
p36
infinitemanoj
ManojKhatri
Manoj Khatrimanoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com
Editor’s insights
M any years ago, when I was still pursuing graduation, a friend
lent me a copy of It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It by Robert
Fulghum, whose uncomplicated outlook on life, together with
his fresh and funny style of writing, quickly made him one of my
favourite authors. Over the years, his books made a profound
impression on me, besides infl uencing my writing.
In the aforementioned book, there was a chapter on how we mix up our
identities with the work we do professionally. It was a hilarious read—so funny
that I laughed at nearly every sentence. And yet, there was also a very powerful
message contained that made me question my priorities. Fulghum wrote, “I
o en say that I don’t worry about the meaning of life—I can’t handle that big
stuff . What concerns me is the meaning in life—day by day, hour by hour, while
I’m doing whatever it is that I do. What counts is not what I do, but how I think
about myself while I’m doing it.”
These words of Fulghum sum up the essence of our 8th anniversary issue.
No ma er what anyone does, we are all yearning to live a life of meaning.
But, there is no formula to decode life, nor is there any universal meaning of
life—that single answer to the great quest of humankind. Meaning is personal
and comes from within each individual. That is what Alex Pa akos and Elaine
Dundon, two bestselling authors, have come together to help you understand.
“Meaning is the life energy or fuel that motivates us to achieve our highest
potential as human beings. In fact, meaning is an integral part of our innate
humanness, and it is the search for meaning, our primary intrinsic motivation,
that distinguishes us from other living entities,” they write as they share
practical ideas to help you to discover, and apply, meaning in your everyday
life and work.
I urge you to read this month’s cover story slowly, and then read it again.
Absorb its message fully. It contains pointers that will help you answer the
ultimate question we all ask. And once you fi nd your own unique answer
to this question, your life will be fi lled with the only wealth that counts—
meaning.
The wealth that counts
There is no formula to decode life, nor is there any universal meaning of life—that single answer to the great quest of humankind
02 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
EDITOR & PUBLISHER | Manoj Khatri
CONSULTING EDITOR | Dr Grazilia Almeida-Khatri
SR COPY EDITOR & FEATURES WRITER | Wynrica Gonsalves
EDITORIAL COORDINATOR | Joycelin Sequeira
ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR | Amit Amdekar
SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel
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PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises
PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134,4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 Editor: Manoj Khatri
© Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd.,All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, in print, electronic or any other form, is strictly prohibited.
DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is dedicated to providing useful, well-researched information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its contents are not intended to provide medical advice/diagnosis for individual problems or circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Readers are advised to always consult their physician/healthcare professional/therapist, prior to starting any new remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or with any questions they may have regarding a medical/health condition.
The views expressed by writers are their own and do not necessarily refl ect the views of the editor, publisher, or Complete Wellbeing.
Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’ or ‘his’ for subjects of unknown gender is considered prejudicial. We respect both genders and hence use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably.
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Vol IX Issue 01 NOV 2014www.completewellbeing.com
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SUMMARY/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell
O F C O N T E N T S
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TRENDING THIS MONTH >>
Find meaning in your lifeBy Elaine Dundon and Alex Pattakos
DISCOVER >>Marriage & intimacy32 How feng shui can energise
your marriageBy Anand Bhardwaj
Self-help78 If I could do it, so can you
By Ramgopal Vallath
Anniversary
th
Health & vitality60 Common workout injuries
By Yajuvendra Gawai
Relationships70 Guide the young as they test
life’s watersBy Pallavi Choudhury Tripathi
MANAGE >>
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 03
56
08 Talkback
10 Events
14 Write notes
18 Happy happenings
28 Month freshener
64 Culture club
84 Confession booth
97 New kits on the block
REGULARS >>
RESOLVE >>Marriage & intimacy72 Can intimacy be spiritual too?
By John Amodeo
Self-help82 Stop listening, start acting
By Malti Bhojwani
UNLEARN >>Money matters54 Things you have to teach your
kids about financeBy Manoj Arora
UNWIND >>Humour86 World’s most bizarre laws
By Sahil Shah
TRANSFORM >>Consciousness30 Go meatless for a day
By JP Vaswani
48 Anything can be healedBy Martin Brofman
56 Enlightenment is a daily choiceBy Jim Tolles
EXPLORE >>Food & nutrition66 Unique sweet potato recipes
By Anjali Pathak
Travel92 The enchanting Pangi Valley
By Rishad Saam Mehta
DECIDE >>Career & workplace75 Don’t let your work kill you
By Tom Rath
86
72
75
04 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Happy happenings
References: www.goodnewsnetwork.org, www.thebetterindia.com, www.sunnyskyz.com, www.facebook.com/logical.indian
If you have an inspiring or heart-touching story or incident to share,
email us at editorial@completewellbeing.com and we’ll publish your story here.
THERE ARE MANY WHO ARE BORN with severe disabilities but how many turn their disability into an opportunity to empower others? Poonam Shroti from Bhopal suffering from Osteogenesis Imperfecta [brittle bone disease] has achieved things that even ‘normal’ people would find challenging. Despite her disability, she attended a regular school, completed her graduation in Commerce and also got an MBA in Finance with a Post Graduate Diploma in Personnel Management. However, she still struggled to find a job even after being so qualified. She was finally recruited by an HR firm where she worked for six years until she realised that she had not progressed to the top and wanted to break free from her routine job. With the support and help from her friends and family, she quit her job and started Uddip, an organisation for the empowerment of the physically challenged. She is also focusing on other areas like blood donations; apart from this she hopes to make women in rural areas self sufficient by providing them with livelihood options. She says, “If one’s willpower is strong, one is propelled into action and when one takes that action, the path ahead becomes clearer.”
Physically-disabled woman achieves a giant stature with her deeds
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COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 05
KATY EVANS’ WATER BAG broke when she was
just 16 weeks pregnant. The doctors suggested an
abortion saying that her unborn baby had only
a one per cent chance of survival. She, however,
refused to get an abortion and said that she wanted
nature to take its course. She stayed positive,
researched about such situations, joined support
groups on Facebook, took suggestions from other
moms and eventually learnt that the chances of sur-
vival might be much higher than what her doctors
had told her. When she went for a scan two weeks
a er the incident, it was revealed that the waters
had replenished in her womb a er the ruptures
were healed. As warned, her waters broke again at
almost 34 weeks of pregnancy and she gave birth to
a miracle baby weighing 4lbs 13oz [approx 2.1 kg].
“We feel unbelievably lucky. We’re all so blessed
and grateful to have him. He’s a very special li le
boy,” said Evans.
Mom gives birth to miracle baby even after doctors suggest abortion
marriage & intimacyDiscover
06 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Use feng shui to a ract love and strengthen your marital bond By Anand Bhardwaj
YOUR HOME IS the haven that nurtures the
bond between you and your partner. These
feng shui ideas for your home, especially the
bedroom, will help enhance the fl ow of chi
between the two of you.
Remove clu er from your bedroomYour bedroom should be a calm place where
you can unwind. Clu er congests the energy
LOVE by
DESIGN
Anand Bhardwaj is a consultant on vastu shastra, fengshui and past life regression. He is the founder director of International Institute of Vaidic Culture.
of the area and a messy bedroom does not
help to create a romantic atmosphere. If
you want to get married or a ract the right
partner, prepare by ge ing rid of unnecessary
items in your bedroom. At a symbolic level,
this is indicative of you making space in your
life for your partner. If you are already mar-
ried, you and your partner should make sure
that the space that you exclusively share [the
bedroom] is neat and organised. This ensures
order in your relationship as well.
Bed feng shuiEnsure that there is equal space between
the bed and the walls on both sides of the
bed. This allows the chi to circulate in the
area. Avoid placing the bed in the corner
of the room adjoining the walls. Beds with
storage drawers underneath them are bad
feng shui as they do not allow the chi to fl ow.
Avoid having a single night stand; have two
night stands and place them on either side of
the bed as this helps to ground and balance
the energy.
Colours of lovePink is the colour of romance in feng shui.
However that doesn’t mean that you need to
drown your home in shades of pink. While
painting the walls with pink does increase the
love energy, if it’s not your colour, you can
use it in lesser amounts like for accent pieces,
carpets or cushions. Yellow, purple, red
and white will also work to boost the chi of
the place.
Avoid dark-coloured furniture and linen in
the bedroom. Excess black, brown and other
dull shades bring negativity to the room,
hence they should be avoided.
Light the sparkA well-lit room exudes positive energy.
Create ample lighting with a mix of yellow
and white light. Light is the physical
manifestation of the sun and its energy,
so you need to maintain a balance with
the lighting in your home. A room that
is too dark can be depressing, but avoid
having excessively lit bedroom as too much
brightness will impede your relaxation.
Anniversary
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Love stoneA rose quartz is a
pink-coloured natural
stone [also called the
love stone] and is
thought to augment the eff ects of
love energy. It is used in feng shui to fi nd and
keep a partner. The energy
of a rose quartz is said to heal one’s heart
from pain.
Hang them near the windows, on the night
stand or on the entrance door of the bedroom.
To keep your relationship strong, use a glass
bowl with two rose quartz balls touching
each other.
Wearing a pendant, a ring or a bracelet
made with rose quartz will make your part-
ner more desirable to you and vice versa.
FlowersIn feng shui it is not the
rose that is the symbol of
romance, but the peony. It
is used to keep infi delity
away. To keep your mar-
riage strong, place a pic-
ture of peonies on the wall
just in front of your bed.
Red fl owers also revitalise
your love energy.
Symbols of romanceTo heighten your love chi, use a pair of
Mandarin Ducks. These must be kept facing
in the same direction and preferably near
the head of the bed. Mandarin ducks mate
for life, so they are used in feng shui to depict
commitment.
Besides Mandarin ducks, showpieces of
birds like swans, turtle-doves, love birds or
eagles can be used since they too mate for
life. Always keep
these showpieces
in pairs as this is
symbolic of your
devotion to you
partner.
The endless
knot is another
feng shui cure that
can be used near the bed. In Buddhism, the
endless knot is one of the eight auspicious
objects. This symbol implies there is no
beginning and no end and it represents the
harmonious fl ow of energy with no setbacks,
misfortunes and accidents.
Heart shaped pillows, showpieces and
fl ower vases are good for the fl ow of chi when
used in the bedroom and surroundings.
ArtworkDecorate the bedroom, lobby and drawing
room with photographs or paintings of danc-
ers, musicians or couples. Avoid pictures of
single people, deso-
late landscapes or
any artwork that is
melancholic.
The phoenix is
the Chinese symbol
of celebration;
wearing an
ornament with a
phoenix or pu ing
up a small painting
of a phoenix increases chi. But if you use this
type of painting, it should be red-oriented
and hung on the southern wall.
Gi sNever exchange gi s like scissors, blades,
knives, tonics, kerchiefs or tragic novels as
these are symbolic of negative energy.
Subtle feng shuiA ending marriage ceremonies, functions
and festivals also increases love energy since
they all symbolise happiness. The energy of
these events then spreads into our lives.
One of the best feng shui cures to activate
your love energy is the ‘Visualising Exercise’.
In this exercise, visualise what you desire
as if it is taking place genuinely. People
may call it day-dreaming, but concentrat-
ing on a particular desire may also activate
luck in that area of your life and o en
yields the desired results.
4
3
2
1
PICTURE CREDITS
1 CC BY 2.0 by Nozomi
2 CC BY-ND 2.0 by Trisha
3 A phoenix depicted in a book of mythological creatures by FJ Bertuch (1747–1822)
4 CC BY 2.0 by Holly Occhipinti
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COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 07
Sever the strings of darkness
consciousnessTransform
08 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Living an enlightened life is a simple and sane ma er; all you need to do is cut the cords that are holding you back
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 09
By Jim Tolles
LIVING AN ENLIGHTENED life sounds
like a grand undertaking, but in reality it
is actually very simple. It means to be here
now and to know yourself. That’s basically
it. From there, it gets easier and easier to un-
derstand why you are the way you are and
why you do the things you do. In turn, this
allows you to make truly conscious choices
in your life. Until you have that aspiration
to focus on the present moment and under-
stand yourself, you can be easily swayed and
manipulated by your hidden fears, other
people, and the many social, economic and
political currents swirling around in life. As
such, living an enlightened life isn’t just a
noble spiritual ideal; it’s a requirement if you
want to really live.
A puppet on stringsMost people don’t realise that they’re essen-
tially a puppet. They don’t realise that they’re
a ached to many, many kinds of strings.
These strings are social beliefs, emotional
traumas, biological instincts and much more;
but o en they are complete mysteries to most
people. However, when one of the strings
pulls on an arm, the arm immediately reacts.
For example, a young girl is insulted in
school about the red shirt she is wearing. She
doesn’t know why, but she instantly smacks
the other girl’s face for the aff ront; it is com-
pletely reactive, and she thinks it’s because of
the insult. In truth, it has to do with her lack
of self-worth, which is connected to a deeper
fi ght or fl ight survival mechanism. An ensu-
ing fi ght creates more turbulence in both girls’
lives, and that creates additional pain and
suff ering for them, people at the school and
their families. Later on, when asked about
why she did what she did, this girl says, “I
don’t know.”
These reactions happen for a lot of people
in many situations because this is reactionary
nature and it doesn’t stay limited to child-
hood and school life. It ripples upwards
to heads of nations and states. Heads of
countries feel slighted, so they cut off trade
with other countries. Or worse still, they go
to war. Imagined slights become real issues
that become death and atrocity. It’s a horrible
state of life that keeps happening over and
over again, but it always begins at the level of
the individual and how their strings are tied
around them.
Identifying the strings in your lifeI never say that living an enlightened life will
be easy. Instead, dedicating ourselves to the
spiritual path helps us to see where we make
life hard for ourselves. When we address that,
then things get easier within ourselves. The
external world may still be very challenging,
but at least we are no longer reacting mind-
lessly to the stimuli, insults and obstacles that
are thrown our way. We do this by identify-
ing the strings that are manipulating us. In
general, I’d categorise these strings as:
>> Biological and genetic
>> Emotional
>> Mental
>> Subtle energy
The biological strings are simply the core
animal instincts that still operate in us. They
are mainly concerned with survival and
procreation to continue the species. Many
people are completely overwhelmed by these
impulses, and they tend to be part of the
backbone of many of our core fears and
issues. For instance, money gets tied up with
a fear of survival. We feel like we won’t be
able to survive without money. As such,
people can become incredibly fearful if they
ever feel like they’ll lose their job. When this
core fear tugs on someone, a person can react
in very poor ways.
The genetic aspect is where we have
diff erences from one person to another.
For instance, one person may have more
biochemical imbalance that tends towards
a depressive personality. This is simply
something one must account for and
understand as part of what is infl uencing
their lives. How to be without reaction is
something we need to learn.
The emotional level is where a lot of our
raw and most basic feelings are. They are not
really separate from any other levels. You’ll
notice as you do your self-introspection that
these strings are tied up into a big bundle. But
Anniversary
th
10 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
they can be addressed separately as you begin
to understand how these things all interact
within you. As such, a primal concern around
survival such as the losing your job example
can ignite a lot of fear, but living an enlight-
ened life means that we learn to simply watch
our inner reaction rather than to take action
upon it. If we believe in the fear, it becomes 10
times worse.
The mental level is home to all of our stories
about ourselves, about our families, and about
how we think our lives should go. It is built
out of the ideas and pa erns that we learned
as children from our families and society as
a whole. It is the home of the ego, which we
have usually learned to defend at all costs. All
kinds of beliefs and ideas are collected here
that are trying to serve diff erent purposes.
Until we explore them, we don’t really know
why we are doing what we are doing.
The subtle energy fi eld has many interest-
ing energetic connections, and it’s usually the
one that we deal with last as the other three
are already a huge amount of self-work. It’s
enough to say that we are energy, and we
are all interconnected. Those of you who are
naturally sensitive to energy will fi nd that
you can learn a lot about yourself by noticing
how diff erent places and people aff ect your
mood. When they do, you know that a subtle
energy string is pulling on you and creating
a reaction.
Cultivating non-reactionThe fi rst steps to cu ing the strings and fi nd-
ing your core issues are being present and
having the desire to know yourself. A er that,
it is important to practise being non-reac-
tive. I am sure that life will off er you plenty
of opportunities to be either upset or excited
about something. Both ‘positive’ and ‘nega-
tive’ feelings should be watched. You can
ask yourself simple questions such as “Why
does this make me happy?” and “Why does
this make me unhappy?” I am not saying to
have no emotions at all and be a robot. I am
encouraging you to be curious about how and
why you behave the way you do. Until now,
this was probably an invisible process, so this
step is an important one.
As you go, you’ll probably notice a lot of
unhealthy behaviour pa erns. This is good
news. Before you couldn’t see them, now you
can. I o en outline the most basic steps on
healing these issues as follows:
>> Identify
>> Accept
>> Embrace
>> Let go
When you can identify something, you can
then accept it. Embracing it means to under-
stand the story or feel the feeling. Le ing it go
means just that. Once you’ve deeply under-
stood something, releasing it is natural, so
that new space within you can open up.
Deeper openings lead to deeper understandingsThe more open we are, the more we can see
about ourselves and others. This is a crucial
thing in these times when so much informa-
tion is coming at us so quickly. A lot of stuff
has sped up, and this is why it’s important
to slow down. Bringing our awareness more
fi rmly into this moment allows us to see clear-
ly and, as we continue to open, it tends to get
easier to know what needs to be done in any
given moment. It also tends to be easier to let
go of things that do not serve us and to not
get caught up in minor squabbles with others.
In time, this just becomes how you live, and
it’s not really a big deal.
Living an enlightened life, as I said in the
beginning, is quite simple and quite sane. It
isn’t anything extraordinary. If anything, it
is about fi nally accepting the ordinary and
everything else exactly as it is and continuing
to learn about yourself so that you can enjoy
this present moment—whatever it is—to
the fullest.
Jim Tolles is a spiritual teacher, healer, and writer. He is the author of the ebook: Everyday Spirituality: Cultivating an Awakening. He teaches students via online video conversations, and he blogs at www.spiritualawakeningprocess.com.
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November 2014
MY NOTE
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MONTH FRESHENERInfuse life into your days
ww
w.c
ompl
etew
ellb
eing
.com
How about using some of your old clothes to create a funky door mat?
World kindness day No matter how busy your day is, do one simple act of kindness for someone who doesn’t expect it.
Check your work-desk drawers for all the items that can be reused and send them for recycling.
Learn how to prepare macramé curtains by taking tutorials from the internet. Create some beautiful home décor.
World Hello DaySmile and say hello to 10 people.
Universal Children’s day Buy some sweets and distribute them to all the children in your neighbourhood.
Have a magic show at home. Surprise your kids by showing off a few card tricks.
Put up a tent of bed sheets and camp with your kids—revel in your childhood memories!
Make your living-room lively by taking some dry branches, spraying them with some sparkle and placing them in a beautiful vase.
Grow a plant and gift it to a friend. The time and thought you’ve put into this gift is worth more than anything money can buy.
Teach your child the importance of giving; have him give some toys to charity.
Like a particular celebrity’s look? Figure out how you can incorporate it without aping them. Be your own star!
Remember how much you loved skipping as a child? See if you can still do it.
Gift your child some books he’d love to read.
MY NOTE
World diabetes dayPledge to do one thing everyday to better your health.
Take out the cycle from your garage and go for a long ride.
Give your wife a break—surprise her by helping her with the chores around the house.
Ramgopal Vallath shares how he coped and what he learned when an unexpected illness threatened to sha er his whole life
When the going got tough
self-helpDiscover
12 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
I WAS ECSTATIC when I became one of the youngest Circle
Heads in India for a telecom operation at 35, but my joy was
short-lived. I had no idea that my health was about to take a
nosedive. It started off as mild symptoms—my hands would
tremble whenever I held something and I could not fi nd my
balance while trying to descend stairs. I ignored it at fi rst,
jokingly calling it my ‘handshaking problem’, and telling people
it was a result of excessive handshakes, thanks to my sales job.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 13
My deteriorating dreamsOver the next fi ve years, my condition
steadily worsened. My fi ngers lost sensation
and strength; I could no longer perform
simple tasks such as bu oning up my shirt,
tying my shoelaces, writing legibly, or even
typing. Picking up even small things such as
a glass of water or a plate was a nightmare.
Similarly, my legs became weak and
unsteady. I could not climb up stairs without
holding on to a railing for support; I couldn’t
walk more than a couple of hundred metres
at a time and my le foot started to droop,
causing me to stub my toes while walking or
causing me to trip and fall many times.
My corporate dream had come crashing
down. I changed jobs because of my condi-
tion, in the hope of fi nding work I could still
do without too much of a hindrance.
My condition had also been misdiagnosed
a few times. Finally, I was told I had CIDP
[Chronic infl ammatory demyelinating
polyneuropathy], an autoimmune disorder.
Life was as tough as it could get. Fate had
ideas completely at variance with the well-
laid plans I had set for myself. I watched in
pain as my dream of becoming the CEO of a
Fortune 500 company in my early 40s slowly
slipped away.
But there was something about me which
even fate could not touch—my a itude,
[I’d like to think I am the most positive
person I’ve ever met.] I knew that if I tried
hard enough I would fi nd a solution to my
problems.
To accomplish this, there were a set of rules
which I adhered to. Based on my experience
this is the knowledge I have garnered:
1 Never think of what could have been
Thinking of what you are missing out
on and wasting time brooding over where
you could have reached is the single most
unproductive way of spending your time.
What could have been is never going to hap-
pen. Instead of wasting time mulling over
things, you should spend time assessing the
present situation and, based on that, plan for
the future. I never spend time regre ing the
downward spiral in my health nor how it
derailed my career.
2 Understand that life is not fair There
is no algorithm built into the fabric of
the universe, which ensures that a person
who does good deeds always receives a good
life. The sooner you realise this, the easier
it will be for you to accept reality and also
to realise that the only person who can pull
you out of your diffi culties is yourself. This
will galvanise you into action. In my case, I
was always looking ahead to see how I could
maximise my value addition [at work, at
home or in terms of what I could contribute
to the society] given my condition. This
ensured that my mind was always engaged in
something positive.
3 Always seek solutions As a young
boy, I studied in some of the smallest
villages in Kerala, that too in government
schools with Malayalam as the medium of
instruction. The pass percentage in most of
those schools was a mere 20 per cent. Yet,
I managed without any external tuition to
obtain the 129th rank in IIT JEE. The reason
I could do this was because I had learned
from my parents to always look for solutions.
While practising for the entrance test, there
were times when I would spend two to three
days solving a single problem. But I never
gave up. So I knew that if I explored all the
possibilities and approached everything with
an orientation towards fi nding a solution,
no problem is unsolvable. As my illness
progressed, I tried to workout daily, do
yoga and took ayurvedic treatments. I also
researched long and hard on the Internet
for a possible cure. I never gave up trying.
This kept my hope alive and also made me
feel great that I was always doing something
constructive.
4 When the going gets tough, the tough
get humorous The single most important
thing that kept me sane and indeed in a great
Ramgopal Vallath is a motivational speaker and author of Oops the Mighty Gurgle. By sharing his story of overcoming CIDP, he wants to help as many lives as possible.
14 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
mood during these trying times was my abil-
ity to look at the funny side of things. I made
sure that every meeting I a ended, every
group of friends I spent time with or every
time I sat down with my family for a meal,
I would make that group feel a li le more
cheerful than what they were when I joined
them. I would always crack a few jokes and
make light of a situation. The trick is not to
take yourself too seriously and also not to let
others take themselves too seriously. I was al-
ways the one who told my kids many funny
stories and made them roll around with
laughter. When you spread cheer to others,
it ensures the overall atmosphere lightens
and in turn makes you more cheerful. It is an
amplifi ed positive feedback of jollity.
5 Take up something you love to do In
my case, I started blogging. I created
my own blog and fi lled it with humorous
and wacky posts. I shared it far and wide
and enjoyed the praise I got for it. While
undergoing my clinical trial treatment in the
USA [a treatment that I had identifi ed thanks
to my intense online research], I also started
writing my fi rst novel—a funny science
fi ction story for all ages. Completing this
book, ge ing it published and subsequently
marketing it far and wide gave me such a To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing,
send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787
powerful boost of energy that I recovered
most of my strength —thanks to it.
6 Set yourself a series of small a ainable
stretch goals Even at the height of my
illness, I would set daily targets for myself
such as to walk one km in 20 minutes or to li
500gms of weight 50 times with each hand and
so on. A er fi nishing my treatment, I set daily
targets to exercise 27 diff erent muscles for the
next six months. The target would increase
every week. Then I went about beating each
target, every day.
Today, I am a published author and a mo-
tivational speaker. I have conducted seminars
in more than a dozen corporate organisations
and in many schools and colleges. My aim in
life is to positively touch as many people as I
can. My next book is all about keeping your-
self motivated through the toughest of times
and turning your situation into an advantage.
Through all this [to paraphrase William
Ernest Henley], the one thing I kept telling
myself and that I would like to share with
everyone is…
“You are the master of your fate; you are
the captain of your soul.”
When the going gets tough, the tough use
humour
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 15
Trending this month
In chasing ‘the good life,’ many of us sacrifi ce our relationships, our health, and our sanity, but at the end of the day, we still fi nd ourselves with lives and work that bring us li le fulfi llment. That’s because, the good life is not about the pursuit of happiness, as happiness is superfi cial and fl eeting.
It’s about meaning, and about knowing that our lives and work ma er, say Elaine Dundon and Alex Pa akos
Your personal answer to the ultimate question
16 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
?Whyam Ihere
“Man, a being in search of meaning.”
—Plato
ON OUR TRAVELS AROUND THE WORLD, we’ve encountered
many people who have told us that they felt something was missing
in their lives and that they felt overwhelmed, lonely and unfulfi lled. A
pessimistic air seems to have engulfed our world, with increased levels
of stress due to unemployment or job insecurity, fi nancial hardship,
health and relationship issues. Today, we see that despite being in
an increasingly networked and connected world via technology,
too many people feel disconnected from and untrusting of others—
neighbours, co-workers, leaders—and, perhaps most importantly,
from themselves.
Unsure of where to turn for solutions, many
seek to ‘escape’ through addictions: television,
sex, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling,
the Internet, etc. Le unchecked, these
pursuits can turn into a vicious, downward
cycle and manifest themselves as an endless
and joyless undertaking—much like the one
experienced by the Greek hero Sisyphus, who
was ordered by the gods to push a big rock
uphill, only to see it slip out of his hands at
the very last moment and roll down the hill
once more.
Is happiness the answer? Some say the solution is to seek happiness.
“Just fi nd something that will make you happy” is
the advice we hear o en. But what does this
really mean? Does it mean a person should
fi nd something to make them happy in the
moment, perhaps distracting themselves
from the reality of their life? Although this
approach might provide temporary reprieve,
we believe that life is not about the pursuit of
happiness. Happiness is not the ultimate goal
of life. Happiness is an emotion that is linked
to pleasure but it is fl eeting; it doesn’t last.
We can share a happy moment when we
are enjoying a good meal or a good laugh
with a friend, but this emotion only lasts
a short time. Believing that happiness will
relieve us from our anxiety and stress is
Alex Pattakos, author of the bestseller, Prisoners of Our Thoughts [translated into 22 languages] and Elaine Dundon, author of the bestseller, The Seeds of Innovation, are co-founders of The Meaning Group and co-authors of The OPA! Way: Finding Joy & Meaning in Everyday Life & Work. To learn more, visit: www.theopaway.com and www.themeaninggroup.com
Anniversary
th
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 17
misguided. What happens when life throws
us a curve, when things don’t go well, when
we face suff ering, illness, or death? What hap-
pens when our ability to make sense of life
is challenged? The pursuit of happiness will
not necessarily help us in these diffi cult times,
nor will it bring us the deep sense of fulfi ll-
ment we are all looking for in life.
Christopher Reeve, known all over the
world for his leading role in Superman, had
remaining years by fi ghting for himself, for
his family, and for thousands of people with
spinal cord injuries around the world. By en-
gaging with a deeper purpose and extending
beyond himself, this real-life Superman found
happiness not by pursuing it but by allowing
it to ensue as the unintended side-eff ect of his
dedication to a cause greater than himself.
Is it power we want?Some believe the solution is to seek power
over our lives and the lives of others. Power
is about being strong and dominant, having
[or trying to have] control over other people,
events, or things in our environment. Ulti-
mately, though, the pursuit of power leads
to emptiness because power over others, and
even most of our personal circumstances, is
actually an illusion. Power is an exhausting
game to play and, like pleasure, it is fl eeting
and always subject to unforeseen forces. In
this connection, the search for power also
becomes an endless and joyless undertaking.
The search for power in our lives is parallel
to our search for happiness and pleasure. For
the most part, it too is ‘out there.’ Power over
our employees, our bosses, our customers,
our shareholders, our kids, the waiter in a res-
taurant, or a clerk in a retail store is illusory
at best and terribly destructive at worst. We
think we have power, but we never know for
sure. Even if we do, in the power game there’s
always an opponent; the ground is always
shi ing. Just ask the parents of teenagers
who, even with the best of intentions, fi nd
that parental guidance is much easier said
than done! Indeed, with parenting comes the
realisation that the search for ‘power’ over
children is an exhausting, ever-shi ing game!
What about money?The pursuit of power through monetary
wealth is also an illusion, one that o en
leads to unintended consequences. We have
all heard people express the idea that more
wealth will bring them meaning and fulfi ll-
ment. “If only I had more money.” “If only I
had a bigger house.” “If only I had a fi rst class
a bright acting career and a life fi lled with
unlimited possibilities ahead of him. He was
thrown from a horse in a tragic accident that
broke his neck, and he was challenged to
make new sense of his life as a quadriple-
gic. An inspirational role model for others,
Reeve proved to be a real Superman a er
his accident, not because he chose to pursue
happiness as his ultimate goal, but because
he searched for something much deeper—the
“strength to persevere and endure in spite of
overwhelming obstacles.” Moreover, in spite
of having been thrown a curve by life, Reeve
not only survived but also thrived in his
Pic
: Mik
e Li
n
CC
BY-
SA
3.0
by
Jbfra
nkel
Superman in reel and real life—Christopher Reeve after the accident; here he discusses the potential benefits of stem cell research at a neuroscience conference at MIT.
Christopher Reeve at the opening night of Marriage of Figaro in NYC
18 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01 COMPLETE WELLBEING
We use money to keep score and compare ourselves with others
ticket.” We’ve been conditioned to believe
that these are authentic symbols of suc-
cess—the more the be er. Having money and
material things has become the end goal for
many people because they can count it, keep
score, and use it to compare themselves to
others. Living the ‘good life’ seems to be just
one thing away.
But when we don’t look the way we think
we should or if we don’t have the same [or
greater] amount of wealth or abundance of
things as others do, we trap ourselves into
thinking that it is we who are not enough. In
other words, we become “prisoners of our
thoughts.” Unfortunately, such feelings of in-
adequacy and the relentless pursuit of trying
to overcome them typically lead to increased
stress, and o en depression.
The costs, whether intended or unin-
tended, obvious or hidden, of the hunt for
more power and money, which eff ectively is
a primitive form of the search for power, are
staggering. We postpone fi nding and expe-
riencing deep meaning in our lives when we
are so busy seeking and trying to get ‘more’.
We ignore our relationships while we focus
on accumulating more; we overlook our
health in our chase for more. Interestingly,
the results of many research studies have
shown that once we achieve a certain level of
wealth, enough to cover the basics of life, any
increase in new wealth does not necessarily
result in a lot more satisfaction, especially
lasting satisfaction. In other words, doubling
our money won’t bring about a doubling of
meaning in our lives.
POWER
MEANING
PLEASURE
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 19
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