start Happy Families As usual, it’s my birthday and no one will take any notice because it’s me,...

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Happy Families

As usual, it’s my birthday and no one will take any

notice because it’s me, Sean

Oh my godOh my godOh my god

Ok, this is Alex’s present. I’ll give it a shake and

maybe guess…

Aah!! It’s a bomb!!

Man, you’re a spazz

This is Matt’s if I’m not mistaken

Oh! A fancy cardigan. But why

is it 10 times smaller than me?

Oops, must’ve set the dryer to the wrong setting. Oh well.

Enjoy. You could probably put it on the hamster

We don’t have a Hamster

We don’t have a dryer either

This is from Hannah and AMY

What is it? It’s an Mp4 Player. Me and AMY pooled our money

together to get it. So that’s £80 you owe us. Each…

Well let’s give it a go, then…

I reprogrammed it so it already has all your favourite songs

What?!!!

We didn’t say

anything…

What?!!!

Thank You, James…why is it in Christmas Wrapping?

They didn’t have any Valentines Day

wrapping

It’s not Valentines Day, James. It’s my Birthday

It’s whaaaaa…??

What is it…?Open it and find

out…

James, I did. It’s another present

inside

Well open it again

It’s another present…

Well open it again

It’s another present… Well open it again

And, yet again, it’s another present Well open it again

James, even if I did bother opening it now, the present inside would be pointless

to be jolly about

It’s the thought that counts

I’m not stupid, James. That doesn’t necessarily mean you

think nice things about the person. If you don’t like the

person, you’d get them something shit. So the thought

does indeed count

Oh! It’s a Malteser!

Oh! Thanks Thomas. I wonder

what it is…

What is it?

Press it…

Ha ha ha. July Fools

Hey, Jack. I don’t see your present…

Sean asked me for a surprise so I’m giving him

Where’s your present, Jack?

What the hell, Jack?!!!

There’s the surprise!!!

I was only kidding, man. Here, I baked

you the birthday cake…

Oh shit, I forgot to put the margarine in…

Here, Sean, some birthday letters for

Ooh! goody

Hey, a birthday card from my Pen Pal in Austria. Adolf jnr.

And a one from my Cousin Fergal

Stack…

Dear Uncle’s Son,

Argh! You be 365 days olderand it is a special day for you, Kizargh!!

Now that you are 16years of age, you canlegally drinkDiesel Oil at local beverage shopsKnown by the humans as “pubes”.No sorry, Pubs…or was it the first one?

Anyhow, I hope we see one another atOur yearly family orgy. Well I certainlyDo…Argh!! Enclosed is my birthdayPresent.

Bye for now,

Fergal Stack

I lump of his hair…

What’s the present?

Ouch, it bit me

And the last letter is…Oh my sweet

My Aunt Crunk is coming to visit me…

at eight

Well what you scared about? We’ll have the studios up and

running before then

…A.M

What?!! But the surprise party

doesn’t start till 6 tonight

What surprise party?

We organised a surprise party but don’t tell

Sean…D’oh!!!

Hello, sorry the Weight-watchers evenings are on

Wednesdays

How dare you, I’m here to see my nephew Sean-y

Alex, I’ll take care of this. Tell Jack to prepare the

welcome meal

At Eight in the morning? Well ok…

Hello there Mrs. Leach, you’re looking well…

I’m from his mother’s side, I don’t like his Father’s Family so never call me that name again ever!!

Bollocks, I fucked up the first impression

And watch your mouth, missus, or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap if

I have to

Missus? I’m a boy!!

Look young lady, don’t back-chat me or I’ll cane your backside so

hard it’ll make your parents flinch

For Christ's sake, shut the fuck up you old

bitch…

Don’t call me that under your breath, lady and don’t use the lord’s name in vein!! Now let me see my

Nephew before I make you sit in the corner

Aww, my little Sean!! He’s becoming a big lad now aren’t you?

{Shrug}

Er, Aunt Crunk, the dining table is over this way. I’ll introduce you to my

friends…

This is Thomas, James and Alex. Matthew and Jack are in

the back making the meals. Jack has a GCSE in Food so

he’ll be preparing it

And what about that Rude Girl whom I met

when I arrived?

Girl…? Oh you possibly mean Hannah, Jack’s sister. She’s our

receptionist

Brandcereal

HailTo

TheChef

The utter stupid woman!! She’s almost an idiot as her

worthless Nephew

Ah go on, man. Go easy on

him today. It’s his Birthday

Brandcereal

HailTo

TheChef

In comparison to what we normally say, I am…

Look, you can stand there and

bitch on about her or you can help me

on this dinner. It might change her opinion of you if

you do her meal…Now the soup is the starter so go

and take it in while I put the Chicken in

the oven Next

Here is your starters. It’s fresh Noodle Soup made by Jack…now eat it quickly before it

Evaporates…

NextWait, I thought you said you took a GCSE

grade in Food?

I didn’t say I passed it…

I’m not eating this Middle-class Slop!!

>_<Very well Mrs. Crunk. We can

possibly arrange something else for your meal…

I’m not eating another thing made by that

pimply-faced prune!!!

Hey!! I worked hard on this meal and they’re not pimples, they’re

freckles…really, really big ones…

I slaved my arse off making this meal to welcome you. And all you do is throw it in my face!! Well fuck you, you old bitch!!!

Take this…!!!

NextOh sorry, James. Your head was in

the way…

Fuck you, spotty!!

How uncivilised you boys are!! I should beat you with my cane!! Go wash

yourselves!! Now that is your final warning! No more horseplay from any of you!!

How…Dare you!! That is the last

straw!! I’m calling the police for anti-social behaviour!! Where is

your telephone?!!

We don’t have one, We use the AMY system…

You’re the receptionist, Madam!! Why don’t you go call

them the old fashioned way??!!

NOW!!!

What she looking at me for?!

I believe you’re the receptionist to

her…

Jack, tell your sister to do what the guest

NextVery well, then. If you’re not going to inform the authorities, I will myself!!

Good day to you barbarians!!!

Oh you must be Matthew!! Sean’s told me

you’re the civilised one

Is that supposed to be

an insult?!!!

Next Well thanks a lot, Sean. If you’d have not been born in the first place, we’d not have to worry about being thrown

in jail…

She’ll not do anything. She’s very agoraphobic and only tends to say things to antagonise

people…

Next That was an awfully intelligent

vocabulary for you, Sean…

Yeah, my vocabulary tends to expand when

I’m scared of policeman…

Next Jack, stop worrying. We’ll be fine. It’s not

like we murdered anyone…this time

No, it’s not that. I keep thinking I’ve

forgetting something…

Oh shit!!! I left the Chicken in the

Oven!!!

Brandcereal

Whoah!! Whoah!! Oh my god!!!!!!!

Hello, I wish to report anti-social behaviour towards my

person…

Yes, madam, in what

region??

Gemini Studios on the Mt. Bollocks region… Congratulations!!!

Mrs. Crunk, you are the 1000th person to have reported the Wazpz as Anti-social in the past 3 years!! And as a prize, you get a cash prize of £5000

and a vacation home in the Bahamas!!!

You’re No. 1000

Brandcereal

This isn’t working!! We should call the fire-

brigade!!

Oh no!! I’m not calling those arseholes. They gave me a warning for

lighting a cigarette

Brandcereal

You lit a bonfire made of

cigarettes up in saltwell park!!

I had a right to!! Those things are bad

for you!!

Next The fire’s getting worse in here, guys!! we’re out of Fire Extinguishers and

resorting to throwing things to maybe stamp it out…

All I could find were these Nutri-Grain

boxes…

Not even the Fire wants

them…

They’re having a party so more of their barbaric friends will most likely fight alongside them if they refuse arrest

Sorry, madam. But we won’t be able to fend off the 6 alone never mind their party guests. Why do

you think I have no arms or legs??

Well, then, I’ll have to deal with them myself!!

Be my guest, madam, but you’re not persuading me to go after them again. They still have my

face…

Brandcereal

This going to get worse before it gets better. I advise we evacuate…

Well it’s 5:55pm, Sean’s Birthday guests should be arriving now so they could

help…

Whoah, maaaan!! The Hippy Gang are here, Maaan!!!

Oh thank god you’re all here, we need all the help we can get. Try and put

the fire out Zoiks!! I’m not going over there, maaan!!! Fire can

kill you to death

C’mon, Bevvers, you’re my cousin. Won’t you help us

save our home?!!Whoah, maaan, he can’t hear you maaan. He’s so doped up, he’s been stoned for nearly 6

Months now, maaan

Well isn’t that just Dandy?!!

Oh no! Sparky!!!Next

Don’t worry, Matthew. I’ll go save him!!

NextAlright, that is it. I’m here to deal with you

myself

Mrs. Crunk, I’d advise you keep out of the way,

the studios is…

NextI’ve had just about enough of you, young lady. I’ll tear that tongue

out if I have to…

NextIt’s Lucifer!!!! Everyone repent!!! Repent I say!!!!!

NextHere’s Sparky and I managed to save Pyro too. Choki fought his way out I think…don’t know where he is now but he’ll turn up…

NextI don’t know what we’re going to do with the studios

NextHey, what the hell’s that in the distance?

NextKizargh!! Fergie the Clown I be.

Here to entertain my cousin, Sean. Argh!! See this flower on

my chest?

Crap! Wait a

moment, Argh!!!

NextThere, Kizargh!! This one right here. Smell it, Birthday Boy,

Argh!!!

NextKizargh!! T’is was nothing!! All in a day’s work. Now to the Stack-

mobile!!!

Fergal Stack, you saved the studios

with your shitty merchandise

Play Again

Starring

Jack Kendall

Matthew Laskey

Alex Ahmed

Sean Leach

James Hinton

And Thomas Walker

start Happy Families As usual, it’s my birthday and no one will take any notice because it’s me,...

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