Post on 13-Sep-2014
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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
CommunicationEd Batista@ FlixsterApril 24, 2014
Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.com
blogs.hbr.org/ed-batistaHBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Who am I?
Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamicsCommunication = survivalFeedback = learningRelationships matterLeaders as levers
Founder as avatar
Founder as avatarAvatara
The ideal made realCompany made in your image
Concepts #1Today’s headlineThe simplest feedback modelFeelingsThe net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headlineFeedback is stressfulSo criticize with skill& give more heartfelt praise
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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerableBut feelings influenceAnd vulnerability closenessComfort with discomfort
Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
The netDavid Bradford
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Concepts #2Social threatSCARF modelRelationshipsThe net (again)
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Can I give you
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some feedback?
Feedback and
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social threat
Threat responseaka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?Emotional signs?
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Threat responseCognitive impairment…
Decision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
Photo by William Warby [link]
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Social threat
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SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situations trigger a threat response?
SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
Founder as avatarThink about you and your partner
How might you trigger social threats in others?
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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…Be mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*
Use the modelWhen getting feedback…Recognize our threat responseManage our emotions (Norms help*)
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RelationshipsJohn GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?
RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to “bids”Mutual influence
Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
5:1 positive to negative“Emotional bank account”
Relationships& conflict
Founder as avatarThink about your partner
How’s your emotional bank account?What are you doing to build the relationship?
The netHow to avoid triggering defensiveness?How to increase perceptions of fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseDiminish social threat & defensivenessIncrease perceptions of fairness
Founder as avatarThink about your partner
When do you cross their net?When do they cross yours?
Concepts #3Emotional intelligence & groupsTalking about feelingsGroup norms
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
EQ and groupsWhy care?Effective teamsParticipation, cooperation, collaborationCan’t mandate behavior
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EQ and groupsEssential conditions…Mutual trustGroup identity (feeling of belonging)Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)Strongly affected by group EQ
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EQ and groupsIndividual EQEmotional awarenessEmotion regulation (≠ suppression)Inward (one’s own emotions)Outward (others’ emotions)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ and groupsHigh EQ individuals ≠ High EQ groupGroup norms determine group EQCreate awareness of emotionHelp regulate emotion
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Founder as avatarYour behavior = company norms
How aware are you of your emotions?How well do you regulate your emotions?
Talking aboutAffect labelingAmygdalaTalking disrupts negative emotionTalking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
feelings
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Talking aboutGroup normsNorms define what’s normativeCan we talk about feelings here?Overcome embarrassment
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Our normsConsider company normsCreate awareness of emotionsHelp regulate emotions
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Norms that createawareness
1. Spend time getting to know others personally.2. Regularly ask how others are doing.3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment.4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions.6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness.7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment.
Adapted from Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven B. Wolff ©Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation [link]
Norms that help regulate
1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules.3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions.4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate.5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress.6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities.7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment.
Adapted from Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven B. Wolff ©Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation [link]
Concepts #4
Positive feedbackSoft start
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Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedbackA paradox
So importantSo often ineffectiveWhat’s wrong?
Positive feedbackWe may not trust it
We may even resent itWe often praise the wrong things
Positive feedbackDon’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
Positive feedbackDon’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
Positive feedbackDon’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
Soft start
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Not like this
Soft start
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Like this
Soft startBegin with positive intent(But don’t bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe mindful of your stress
1:1 feedbackWhen getting feedback…Observe your threat responseDo you want to ask for specific feedback?
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 feedbackWhen giving feedback…Positive feedback encouragedWhen criticizing, stay on your side of the netWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].Use the Vocabulary of Emotions
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Thank you
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Ed Batistawww.edbatista.com
@edbatista