Post on 23-Aug-2014
description
transcript
The 5 F#@% Steps to Discover
Your Childhood Wounds
This exercise will look at your past and refreshmemories of your caretakers and influential people.
Part 2 Towards Mindful Relationship
A mention...A video accompanying this exercise is available at:
http://i.talkezy.com/childwounds
A mention...• This will take about 45-60 minutes if doing it with your partner.
• There is NO wrong way of doing this exercise! Every individual has different insights and experiences.
• Step 2 will be a guided meditation.
• Have your partner read this mediation (or look down at the slides from time to time).
• This exercise will take you back to the past. It may be draining or cause you to feel sad.
Step 1• Stretch out your body, get it loose.
• Sit down in a comfortable place: chair, couch, bed with comfy pillows.
• Breathe in all the way into your stomach and belly 10 times.
• Try not to cross your legs or arms.(when we do so, we are in a defensive position)
Step 2• Read each statement with ~30 second pauses.
• Close your eyes and think back to your childhood home.
• Imagine yourself very young, being there.
• Try to see things through your young self.
• Wonder around the house and find the people who influenced you deeply as a child.
...continues
Step 2 … continued• As you see the people around the house, you see them in a new
perspective.
• Stop and visit with each one.
• Note their positive and negative energy.
• Tell them what you enjoyed about being with them.
...continues
Step 2 … continued• Share what you wanted from them but never got.
• Don’t hesitate to share your anger, frustration, hurt or sad feelings.
• In your fantasy, these people are grateful for your insights.
Now slowly come out of this exercise, be gentle with yourself.
Step 3• Now take a sheet of paper and make it look like the
example on the left.
• Top half, with the “B”, list all the positive traits of your mother, father, and any other people who influenced you strongly when you were young. No need to group them to an individual.
• Try not to think of them as they are today but what they were like in your childhood.
• Use adjectives or phrases like “kind,” “warm,” “always there,” “reliable,” etc.
B
A
Step 3 … continued
• Now that you’ve listed the positive traits, on bottom half, with the “A”, list all the negative traits.
• If you’re having a hard time with words, the next slide has suggested ones.
B
A
kindwarm
reliable
always there
Step 3 … trait listaccessible
honest
cautious
afraid
attentive
loving
supportive
closed
safe
fair
arrogant
inflexible
enthusiastic
righteous
crafty
objective
loyal
tolerant
uninterested
sensitive
amiable
boring
beneficent
harsh
fragile
jealous
brash
courageous
creative
wounding
insensitive
attacking
spiritual
dependable
stingy
frank
inviting
connected
open
exact
intrusive
cold
impatient
wise
mature
agreeable
blatant
caring
sneaky
sincere
giving
shallow
alert
rough
flexible
playful
critical
thrifty
firm
dishonest
shy
tense
immature
spontaneous
kind
bold
virtuous
grateful
respectful
assured
brutal
silly
tender
humble
available
confident
annoyed
arrogant
warm
stable
dangerous
tactful
gentle
reliable
inappropriate
depressed
unforgiving
open-minded
persuasive
trusting
altruistic
precise
polite
soothing
brave
grumpy
Step 4• Underline 3 best positive traits
• Circle 3 worst negative traits
• Next, to “C”. Complete this sentence: “What I wanted most as a child but didn’t get was…”
• Next, to “D”. Complete this sentence: “As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again…”
B
A
kindwarm
reliable
always there
controlling
yellingangryshaming
creativelogical
tense
exact
C
D
What I wanted most as a child but didn’t get was…
As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again:
Step 5• If you want some insight into what you just did, you created your
“Partner Image.”
• The negative and positive traits can be found in you and/or your partner. Review the list again. Can you see how your unmet needs are sometimes seen in your partner?
• And now you’re done! You and your partner should continue referring to your Partner Image to heal, to better understand each other and to make your relationship amazing!
Resources
• A great deal of our information comes from our therapists and from: Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. New York: H. Holt And, 2008. Print.
• Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (above is affiliate link to Amazon, thank you for support us)
• You can find more resources on our website:www.talkezy.com