The Porcupine DilemmaThe closer they get to each other,

the more likely they are to get hurt.

Relationship

How to Handle

A N G E R

Psalm 133: 1

“Behold, How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell

together in unity!”

Ephesians 4: 1-3

1. I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,

2. with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love,

3. being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

All of us are responsible to maintain this unity:

Matthew 18: 15-17

“If your brother sins … go and show him his fault in private…”

Galatians 6: 1-5

“if anyone is caught in a trespass, you…restore such a one…”

If our brother has sinned …

All of us are responsible to maintain this unity:

Matthew 5: 23-24

“If you know that your brother has something against you … leave your offering … be reconciled … then …”

Whether YOU have sinned or not …

Summary:

Romans 12: 18

“As far as it depends on you,Be at peace with all men.”

Resolving Conflict

Let’s Do It God’s Way!

7based on Ephesians 4: 25-32

(adapted from Strike the Original Match, by Chuck Swindoll)

Rules for a Clean Fight

1.Make a commitment to Honesty and Truth

(Eph. 4: 25) “Speak _______________ to one another. . .

for we are _______________ of one another.”

This is a 2 way pursuit(1)(2)

Our goal must be for deeper ______________________

NOT to _______________ the argument,

or else _____________________________ !

Don’t get ____________________ !

Try to understand where _____________ are coming from.

truth

members

Seek the truthSpeak the truth

deeper understanding

WIN

we BOTH lose

defensive

each other

2. Deal with it A.S.A.P. (But, … Before you begin, you must Both agree that the time is right!)

(Eph. 4: 26-27) “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, and do not ________________________________!”

Deal with it A.S.A.P. !If not now . . . then decide

_____________________________________And make it SOON.

give the devil an opportunity

When will it be a good time? Then schedule it!

3. Make sure your weapons are not deadly!• Eph. 4: 26 “Be angry, yet ________________”do not sin

• James 3: 5-8 “the tongue is full of _____________________...”Deadly poison

REMEMBER: WORDS CAN KILL!!!!!

• John 1: 14 Jesus was full of “_____________ and ___________”grace truth

4. Don’t raise your voice or lose self control.

Ephesians 4: 29

Only say what is ___________________ … according to the need of the moment!

good for edification

Proverbs 15: 1

“A soft answer ___________________ .”turns away wrath

4. Don’t raise your voice or lose self control.

You can still say what needs to be said, but speak gently, with

kindness and grace,(i.e. “___________”)tact

Colossians 4: 6

“Let your speech always be with grace,

as though ____________________ …”seasoned with salt

5. Never reveal private matters in public!

Ephesians 4: 31

“Let all bitterness, wrath, . . . and slander be put _____________…”

Dont’ go around trying to get your friends to take sides with you.(that’s called “___________”)

away from you

gossip

6. Respect each other’s limits.

The Principle:

Ephesians 4: 32“Be kind to one another,

_________________, …”tender-hearted

6. Respect each other’s limits.

Example:

Agree to STOP when someone says, “STOP!”

Ephesians 4: 29

“only words that are good for

________________________.”building each other up

6. Respect each other’s limits.

Excellent & challenging verses:

−Ephesians 4: 2 - 3−Philippians 2: 3 - 4−Colossians 3: 12 - 14

7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration.

Ephesians 4: 32

“…forgive each other …

JUST AS _______________________________!”God in Christ has forgiven you

7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration.

How has God forgiven us?

Psalm 103: 11 – 12

“As far as the EAST is from the WEST,

so far has He removed our

transgressions from us.”

Fully Finally Freely Forever

7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration.

7. Once the issue is resolved, help seek forgiveness and restoration.

forgive

forgive

forgiveforgive

forgive

forgive

forgive,

forgive,

forgiveAnd don’t bring the issue up again, UNTIL …

You BOTH agree that you need to discuss it again!

70X7

Personal Application:

Looking back at the last time you were angry or had to resolve a conflict with

someone . . .

• Which of the 7 rules did you find it most difficult to practice?

(choose 1 or 2)

• What specific things can you do to better practice that rule?