The Squeaky Clean Legacy, chapter 18.1: I Will Be Good, Part 1

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S"llworkinghardonthefamilyhistory,Ly7on?

“Inpointoffact,I’vedone.”

“Perhapsnotpreciselydone.ButIhavecompletedallmymajorresearch,andIhavebeenabletoresolvesomeinteres"ngques"onsconcerningourancestress‐‐

“Margery Goodytwoshoes.”

“She appears to have been somewhat more inten8onal and deliberate than I had previously thought. 

Had I men8oned that she had been unjustly accused of witchcra@ in her youth?  I had not?  Perhaps this was owing to her friendship and fondness for cats.”

“Or perhaps because of a reputa8on as an industrious, virtuous, studious. . .  

‐‐ah.  Here is the historic record: We have rid the village of yon obnoxious mayden, henceforth shamed with the name of Goodytwoshoes. A pox of her for learning the tendre youth to read.” 

“And more importantly, she le@ a wriIen record of her inten8ons.”

“Whereas opportunities for women are limited, my heir from henceforth shall be an heirefs.”

“Whereas virtue tendeth to human felicity, chief among thefe the steadfaft and loyal love of family and friends, my heirefs shall profefs faithful love.”

“Whereas shee is the queen among flowers, my heirefs shall be named Rofe.

And for all pofsterity, ye motto of all who calleth themfelves my descendants fhall bee—”

“I will be goode.”

“And fo they fhall.

Alfoe, they fhall keep felines. This is very important.”

“Imustadmititissomewhatmelancholytobesoclosetocomple"onaHersuchalong"me,butaHerall,ImustfinishthefinaldraHandseeitthroughthepress.”

“AndthenIshalla7empttoaccustommyselftoindolence.”

WhenwelastleHthefamily,Genera"onNineheiressElaineGoodytwoshoeshadjustmarriedIanLegacina‐‐

‐‐toeveryone’ssa"sfac"on,especiallyhers.

Elainewasalsoexpec"ngtheirfirstchild.Butwouldthisprovetobethelong‐awaited10thgenera"onheiress?

Andwhat,ifanything,wasMaxwai"ngfor?

Inthemean"me,therewereconstruc"vethingsthatneededtobedone,suchaspain"nggenera"onalportraits–

Andwri"ngabest‐sellingroman"cnovel,atasktowhichElaineisuniquelysuited.

Luckily,gooeyromancenevergoesoutofstyle.

Therearelong‐establishedtasksforLegacyhusbandsaswell,andIansettoworkearninghisgoldtoymakingbadge–withli7lecomplaintbyhim,oranyoneelse,aslongashecouldwearshirtlesspajamas.

Elaine’splantobecomeaProfessionalPartyGuesthadtobeputontemporaryhold.

AsforPenelopeandDinadan,therewasn’tmuchtodoexceptforfishing.Andwai"ng.

Orplayingwithandtrainingcats,likeCappucino.

Finally,everyone’spa"encewasrewarded.

“It’sababy!”

“It’sababy!”“Yay!It’sababy!”

Elaine:Aw,lookatmysweetli7lecherub.AreyouMother’ssweetangel?

Yeah,butwhatKINDisit?Idon’tcarehowcherubicthebabyis.Ijustwanttoknowitsgender.

Yep,ElaineandIanhadabeau"fulli7legirlonthefirsttry.TheynamedherRowena.

THEEND.

Justkidding.Obviouslynot.Elaine:Shewouldhavebeenbeau"fulevenifshehadbeenaboy.I’mgladyoufeelthatway,becauseyoucantryforanotherrightaway.

Remember,IpromisedherfatherDinadanhecouldhavesixgrandchildren,soIhadtoletPalomidesandStaceygetmarried.

Thereisn’talotofroomintheirbackyard.Gawainewasn’teventhefirstinthegate,butsomehow,heslippedtothefrontoftheline.

Gawaine:Holdit.You’renotproperlymarriedunlessIsupervise.

Gawaine:Okay,goahead.

Palomides:Thankyou.

Gawaine:You’rewelcome.

Eventheirotherbrother,Parsifal,andthefatherofthegroomwereoutonthecurb.

ElaineandIanseemedmuchmoreinterestedineachother.

Cakeandcelebra"onfollowed.

Foreveryoneexceptthean"social,whoclearlydonotknowhowtobehaveatweddings.

‐‐‐ThisisMolly,thedaughterofUlyssesandDocNerd.Shegetsitfrombothparents,alas.

Dinadan:Idon’twanttobeanosyoldfather‐in‐law,butIdohopeyou’llbestar"ngafamily.Willyoubestar"ngafamilyany"mesoon?

Ithinkthat’sayes.

Ithinkthatisindeedayes.

Infact,notjustababy,buttwingirls.Whycouldn’tIhavetwingirlswhenIneededthem?ThisisBrangienne.

AndthisisIseult.I’mthrilledtogetali7legene"cvariety.

AndPalomides‐‐he’sjustgladtohavebabies.He’saFamilySimwiththeLTWtosendthreechildrentocollege,sohemightaswellgetstartedwiththat.

AnothersetofFamilySimswhocan’twaittogetstarted—LenoreandZane.

Ofcourse,thefatherofthebride,StanleyLegacyoftheVictorianLegacy,,wasinvited.

Carmilla:Asifanyonehastogetmarried.Actually,IsuspectStanleyhasalwaysfeltabituneasyaboutnotbeingmarriedtothemotherofhischild,butaHerall,he’shadplentyandhehasmarriedveryfewofthem.

Zaneappearstobeabitworriedaboutthewedding,butthenheworriesabouteverything.There’snothingreallytoworryabout.

Theyevenhavebothsetsofparentsthere.

WeddingsinLeonore’sfamilyarealwayscandlelitandatnight.It’sbeendonethiswayforgenera"ons,toaccommodatethevampiremembersofthefamily.

That’strueeventhoughtheoriginalvampireinthefamilyisn’tavampireanymore.Thereisalwaysone.

Lenore:Areyouhappy,Zane?Zane?Honey?

Zane:Married!We’regedngmarried!

Lenore:Yes,we’regedngmarried.

Znae:OMG!Married!We’regedngmarried!

Lenore:Youneedtoletmeputthisringonyourfinger,swee"e.Focus.

Gilbert:Romance,itismagnifique, n’est‐ce pas?

Gilbert:As is the cake.  He is my masterpiece. 

Cassidy:YayforZaneandLenoreandthecake!

Suppor"vespouses,howwelovethem.

I’mnotsurethatZaneandLenorewillevenno"cethecake.Ihopehe’snottoodisappointed.

Zane:Thisisthehappiestdayofmyen"relife.

Lenore:Ican’tpromiseyou’llalwaysbehappy,Zane.ButIpromiseIwillalwaysdoeverythinginmypowertohelpyoubehappy.

AndLenoreisafairlypowerfulwoman.I’dtakethatseriously.

CountWhoopie:Yay!Idon’thavetodoeveningweddings!Yaysunburn!

Max:What,precisely,areyoudoinghere?SJ:Applauding.Whatdoesitlooklike?Whatareyoudoinghere?Max:Iamafriendofthebride’sfamily.SJ:Well,IAMthegroom’sfamily.Hejustdoesn’tknowit.Haveyougotaproblemwiththat?Max:Notpar"cularly.SJ:Good.Nowquitdrawinga7en"ontome.I’mtryingtobeinconspicuous.

Zane:Mm.

Lenore:Nummy?

Zane:Yeah.MakesureyoutellDadso.It’llmakehimreallyhappy.

SJ:Meh,thebestwaytocomplimentacakeistoeatit.

SJ:Hey,VampireGirl,don’tlookbehindyou!

Max:Inconspicuous.

Fortunately,LucyreallyhititoffwithSJ.

Orperhapsnot.

Lucy:MaybeMaxdidn’ttellyouthis,WingBoy,butIdon’tlikeanybody.

Lucy:And–wait.WhatamIsupposedtobelookingfor?

Max:Ifeelconfidentthatitwillbecomeevidenttoyoushortly.

Lenore:Newsflash:Itismywedding,anditisover.It’s"meforallofyoutoleavenow.

OnenicethingaboutLenoreisthatZanedoesn’thavetosaythiskindofthing,becauseshe’lldoitforhim.Andlook,itwasalovelywedding.

Backatthemainhouse,PenelopeandIanhavebecomebestbuddies.Theystartedwithanega"veimpressionofeachother,sothat’sarelief.

It’salso"meforthefirstbirthdaypartyinages.

Ianlookssohappytobehelpinghisdaughterblowoutherbirthdaycandles.

Andheresheis:Rowena,genera"on10,atestamenttomysheerstubbornnessinkeepingonwith‐‐

Ian:Sheismydaughterandshe’sadorable.

Taurus,6/10/7/10/2.Heavenhelpus.

You’llno"cethatseveralolderrela"veshaveshownup,includingJackBuccaneer,Rowena’sgreat‐grandfather‐‐

AndevenPublius,hergreat‐great‐great‐great‐greatgrandfather,althoughonlyMaxseemstono"cehim,andthatmaybesimplybecauseMaxiss"llobsessedwithdeath.

Andherfirstsocialinterac"oniswith—

Rowena:Bah!Gawaine:Whatdoyoumean,“bah?”

Gawaine:Well,bahtoyoutoo,swee"e.I’mUncleGawaine.

Rowena:BAH.

*MeetSomeoneNew+1000*

Gawaine:Does“bah”mean“Iwanttobecuddled?”

Rowena:Bah!

Gawaine:Doesitmeanyou’reourli7lestprincess?Thatmeansyou’remyresponsibility.

Rowena:BAH!

Gawaine:Hello?She’sdamp,Ithink.Hello?Anybody?

Evidently,thatisnothisresponsibility.

Buthe’shappytoholdherforawhile.

Luckily,Ianisonbath"meandbed"meduty.

Ian:It’sbed"meforyou,darlin’.Youcanlearnhowtotalktomorrow.

Rowena:Bahbahbahbah‐‐

Ian:No,you’rereally"red.Youneedtosleep.

Rowena:Bahbahbah*yawn*baaaah‐‐‐

Grandpaishappytotakeonthatjobthenextmorning.

‐‐andpre7ysoonitbecomesclearthatRowenalovesfillingtheworldwithsound,especiallythesoundofherownvoice.

Shealsomakesherselfthecenterofa7en"oneasily.

Elaine’sre"redfrombeingaprincess,mostly.She’salothappierthatway.ButRowenaistakingoverherspot.

Rowena:Me,Daddy!Me!Upme!

Ian:Cuddlesneverhurtanyone.

Ian:Andneitherdid"ckles.Boogaboogaboo!

Rowena:Shriek!

Elaineactuallytookonsomeoftheteachingdu"es.

AndwhenIsayRowenaisthecenterofa7en"onforeverybody,Imeaneverybody,includingTaffy.

It’snotasthoughRowenaistheonlythinggoingon,however.Ian’smakingsomeprogresstowardshistoymakingskills,althoughIdon’tfeelthesamepressureaboutitthatIusedto.

Penelope:Paya7en"on,Elaine.YoucangoandpeeaHerI’mdonePassingAlongtheseBusinessPerks.

Elainefindsiteasytocontainherenthusiasm.

She’dmuchrathercuddlewithIan,andIthinkthat’sperfectlyfair.

ConsideringthatshejustbroughtanotherGoodytwoshoesintotheworld.

Aboythis"me—Brian.

I’msurethatDinadanistryingreallyhardnottothink“fourdown,twotogo,”butIknowthat’swhatI’mthinking.

OntoPartTwoandmorebabies.‐>