Transcript of “301 with Anese Cavanugh” · Bulletproof Radio Podcast #301, Anese Cavanaugh 4...

transcript

Transcript of “301 with Anese Cavanugh”

Bulletproof Radio podcast #301

Bulletproof Radio Podcast #301, Anese Cavanaugh

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Dave: OneofthethingsthatIdotomakemylifebetterisIremovethenumber

ofdecisions.IremovecomplexitywhereverIcanI’mkindofmilitantaboutthat.OneoftheareaswhereIpayattentioniswhenIbuysomethingonline.There’sacompanySeatGeekthat’stakenalltheworkandhassleoutofshoppingfortickets.Idon’tlikeclickingaroundtodifferentwebsiteandnotknowingwheretogoandsettingupprofileshereandprofilesthere.It’sjustabotheranditdoesn’taddtomylife.IttakesawayfromthetimeI’mgoingtoplaywithmykidsortimethatI’mgoingtousetowriteanewbookorsomething.

SeatGeekputsalltheticketsavailableonothersitesintooneplacesoyousavetime.Youdon’tmissthebill.YoucansetalertsforupcomingeventsandSeatGeekwillletyouknowifticketpricesfall.Evenbettereveryticketthattheyhaveisrankedbasedonvaluesoyoucanfindunderpricedseatswhichiscool.Thatsavesyoualotoftimeifyou’regoingtoclickaroundonthings.BeforeyoubuyyoucanyouuseSeatGeek’sdetailedmapstoseetheviewfromyourseat.Bestofallthey’realwayshonestandupfrontabouttheprice.

UnlikesayStubHubtheyshowyouthefullticketpricefromstarttofinishandtheydon’ttrytotrickyouhugefeesonthecheckoutpagewhichissomethingthat’sirritating.Ifyouthinkyou’regoingtospend$100onaticketandits$150whenyouwalkoutthedoor,whatareyouonanairplaneorsomethingoratahotelbecausethoseguysdoittoo.ListenerstoBulletProofgeta$20rebateofftheirfirstSeatGeekpurchasebecauseIlikewhatthey’redoing.Togetyour$20rebateontickets,downloadthefreeSeatGeekapp.Gotothesettingstabandclickaddapromocode.Enterthepromocodebullet.Youknowhowtospellbullet,B-U-L-L-E-TIthink.SeatGeekwillsendyou$20afteryoumadeyourfirstticketpurchase.DownloadthefreeSeatGeekappandenterthepromocodebullettoday.

Speaker1:

BulletproofRadioastationofhighperformance.

Dave: Heyit’sDaveAspreywithBulletProofradio.Today’scoolfactofthedayisthatastudyoutofDartmouthrecentlysuggestthatpeopleare8times

morelikelytoblamesomeoneforsomethingthantheyaretoexpressgratitude.ThisiswhyIrecommendthateverynightbeforeyougotobedthatyoufind3thingsthatyou’regratefulforandyoujusttakeasecondtoknowwhattheyare.Idothiseverysinglenightwithmykids.You’llneverknowwhatyou’llhear.Notsolongagomysonwhenhewas5said,“I’mgratefulfortheBigBangbecausewithoutittherewouldn’tbeanything.”Okaythat’sgratitude.I’mokaywiththat.Doesn’tmatterwhatyou’regratefulforthat’sthewholepoint.Youcanbegratefulformarshmallows.Aslongasyoufeelgratitude,you’retotallylegit.

Heythere!It’sDaveAsprey.Beforewegetstartedwithtoday’sshowlet’stalkaboutCaspermattresses.ThestartupguysatCasperarewinningdesignawards,gettingpropsforreinventingthehumblemattressandturningtheindustryupsidedown.Theystartedwithasimplemissiontocreateaperfectlyengineeredmattressthatyoucantryinthecomfortofyourownhome.Caspershipsthemattresstoyouforfreeandgivesyou100nightstotryitagainriskfree.They’llcomepickitupifyoudon’tloveitandrefundyoueverythingnoquestionsasked.UpgradingyoursleepisoneofthemostimportantthingsyoucandotoincreaseyouroverallperformanceandCasperhascreatedaninexpensivewaytohackyourrestlessnights.

Here’swhatelseIlikeaboutCaspermattresses.AllofthefoamsusedinaCasperhaveenvironmentalcertificationsthatensurethatthey’rehealthytobearound.TheirmaterialsareCertipurecertifiedmeaningthey’remadewithoutozonedepletersorPBDEflameretardants.They’remadewithoutmercury,leadorotherheavymetals.There’snoformaldehyde,nophthalatesandthey’reregulatedbytheConsumerProductSafetyCommissionlowVOC.Takethemupontheir100nightriskfreetriallikeIdid.UpgradetoaCasperwithfreeshoppingatcasper.com.Usemypersonalreferralcodebulletprooftoget$50offyourmattress.That’scodebulletprooffor$50offyournextmattressatcasper.com.Termsandconditionsapply.

Beforeyougoagaintoday’sshow,youshouldknowthatI’mstandinginsteadofsittingatthestudio.Wehadthisnewamazingnewsetdesignandyouprobablyhaven’tseenitbecauseyouarewatchingthison

iTunesormorelikelyyou’relisteningtoitoniTunesinyourcarwhichiswhatyoushouldbedoinginyourcarnotwatchingoryou’reattheoffice.Ifyouwanttoseetheguest,youwanttoseewhat’sgoingon,youcanheadonovertoyoutube.com/bulletproofexecorbecauseIknowyou’reprobablyaslazyasIam,youcanalsogotobulletproofexec.com/youtubeandit’llalsotakeyouthere.

IfyoudothatandfollowthechannelI’dbegratefulbecausewhenyoufollowit,ithelpsotherpeoplefindit.Thenwhenyou’reonYouTubethere’sothercontentthatisn’tBulletProofradioit’llpopupforyouandit’snotlikespammyweirdcontent.It’sjuststuffIdothatoffersfreeinformationthathelpsyoukickmoreassthat’sbulletproofexec.com/youtube.

Today’sguestisafriend.She’salsobeenonBulletProofradiobeforebutnowshehasanewbookout.I’mtalkingaboutAneseCavanaugh.She’sanawardwinningspeaker,ateacherandsheworksonsomethingcalledtheIEPmethod.HerbookiscalledContagiousCulture,beingaforceforpositiveimpactinyourbusinessandlife.Itlooksatleadership.Ithoughtthatyouwouldcareaboutthistodaybecauseleadershipisn’tsomethingthatonlythebossdoes.Leadershipissomethingthatatleastifyourbossisveryeffective,yourbossgivestoyoutodointheorganization.

Leadershipissomethingthatyoucansetbyexamplebutwhetherornotyou’rehighupinyourcompanyorwhetherornotyourleadershipissomethingthatyoupracticeathome,understandinghowyoucantakeyourkeyvaluesandyoucanmakethemcontagiousisIthinkaskillforlife.It’saBulletProofskillforeveryone.It’snotenoughtojustfeelreallygoodifyoucanmakeeveryoneelsearoundyoufeelbetterorperformbetter.That’sevenbetterandthatwillfeedbackonyouandgiveyoumorepowerandmoreenergyandmakeyoufeelgood.YoucanfindoutmoreaboutAneseCavanaughatanesecavanaugh.com.Anese,I’mjustgoingtosayit.Youneedabetterurlbecausenoonecanspellyourname.I’llspellitforthembutlikeseriously.Justgivingyouahardtime.

Anese: Iknow.Youshould.Wehaveasimpleroneforthemnow.It’siep.io.That’sit.

Dave: Ifyouwanttodothemasochisticthingyougotoanesecavanaugh.com,

A-N-E-S-EC-A-V-A-N-A-U-G-H.com

Anese: ThanksDave.We’vehadalotofrequestlatelyformetochangemyname.It’sbeeninteresting.

Dave: Anese,themysteryofhowtospellyournamehasbeensolved.Theothermysteryforpeoplewhoarejusttuninginifyou’relookingatmeI’mwearingreallycoolsunglasses.TheyaremyIrlenfilters.HelenIrlenwasjustontheshowagain.Theseareverylightlytintedindoorglassesthatfilteroutthespectrumoflightthatmybrainhasthehardesttimeprocessing.SinceIwanttofeelamazingallday,I’mactuallyjustgoingtoweartheseandIthinkI’mjustgettingcomfortablethefactthatIhavesunglassesonindoors.They’renotthatsunglasseslike.EitherI’mintrainingtobearockstarorI’maseriousdork.

I’malsocoolwitheitheroneofthose.IhaverealizewhyIdidn’texplainbeforetheshowbutthat’sfine.I’mstandinghereinthiscoolstudiolookingnotreallylikearockstarbecausethey’renotthatcoolaglassesbutanywayIrlen.

Anese: Iwasactuallygoingtoasksothankyoufordemystifyingthatforme.

Dave: Itturnsout1in2peoplehavelightspectrumsthatmesswiththeirbrain.ThatnowI’mcertifiedtodiagnosethatandtohelpseethatandtobasicallylearnhowtoreadwithalotlessenergy.Ijustdiditforsomeonelastnightandit’sprofound.Youseepeoplego,“Ihadnoidea.”Thenallofasuddentheyhavemoreenergy.IhavealotmoreofmybrainwhenItakecontrolofmycolors.

Anese: Iseemtorememberyouwithaglassesacoupleofyearsagobuttheywereorange.Weretheyorange?

Dave: Yeah.

Anese: Doesitchange?

Dave: IgotretestedandI’vedonesomebrainupgradesstuffsoI’mless

sensitivethanIwas.StillI’mrelativelysevereintermsofthatprobablybecauseofmybackgroundexposuretotoxicmold.

Anese: They’reverycool.

Dave: Thankyou.Let’sgetintotheIEPmethodandwhyyouwroteabookaboutit.WhatisIEP?LongtermlistenersmayhaveheardthefirstonebutIthinkarefresherisinorder.

Anese: Youbet.IEPstandsforintentionalenergeticpresence.Itisbasicallyabouthowyoushowupintheworld.WhenItalkaboutshowing,I’mtalkingabouthowyoushowupforyourselvesintermsofhowyoutakecareofyourselfbutI’malsotalkingabouthowyoushowupasaleaderinsupportingotherpeople.Ifyoutakethose3wordsintention,energyandpresence,Ibreakthemdownlookingatthere’sintentionwhatIwanttohavehappened.There’stheenergy,youknowtheenergyIbringtothetable,howItakecareofmyself,makingsureIgotsustainableenergytodoallthegreatstuffI’mheretodo.

Thenthere’spresencewhichIlookatpresenceinareallyholisticstandpointwhichisallabouthowpresentyouareinthismoment,youractualenergeticpresence,howyoushowuponstageorleadershippresence,howpresentyouaretothetruthofyourlife.Thosedifferentthings.Iputthose3togetherandyouhavetheIEPmethod.

Dave: Ifyou’relisteningtothisrightnowwhyIlikeAnese’sworkbecauseintentioniswhyyou’redoingwhatyou’redoing.Likethere’saveryspecificintentbehindwhatIdowithBulletProofandtheintentisifsomeonewouldhavejusttoldmeallthisstuffwhenIwas16or20liketheamountofenergythatIwouldwasteitinmylifewouldhavebeenverydifferent.That’sacycleonenergy.AlotofwhatIdoishowdoyouampupenergyandhowdoyoustopwastingenergy.

Thenpresenceishardertogetmindaround.Theabilitytofocusevenisacorepartofpresence.Inmyworld,theabilitytofocuscomesinlarge

partfromhavingenoughenergyandthenfromtrainingyourselftofocus.Youputallthistogetherintoaframework.That’sactuallyreallycoolandthat’swhyIthinkpeoplelisteningwouldreallyappreciateyourwork.Walkmethrougheachofthosesectionsinalittlebitmoredetail.Let’stalkaboutspecificsofintention.Whatdoyoudoinyourbookwhenyoutellpeopletohavemoreintentionintheirlife?

Anese: WebreakdowntheactualIEPmethod.IstartedtorealizeacoupleofyearsagoandthismighthaveevenbeenafteryouandIspoke.Iwasonyourshowabout2yearsagoIthink.IstartedtopullitpartevenmoreandIfelttherewere3partstotheIEPmethod.Ifyouputintentional,energy,presencealltogether,thereare3parts.Thefirstpartisbeingabletorebootyourpresenceinthemoment.That’sliterallyyouandIsittingDaveandyouswallowacoffeewrongorwegetdistractedorwehaveasnafu.It’sbeingabletogetpresenttothismomentandcomebackandshowupintentionallywithoutgettingcompletelydistractedbywhatjusthappened.

Thefirstthingisrebootingyourpresencebeforeyouevenwalkintoameeting,beforeyouwalkintoaconversationwithyourkids,beforeanything.Thesecondcomponentistheintentionpiecewhichisaframeworkthat’sinthebookwhichiscalledthe5stepstointentionalimpactandthat’ssettingyourintentionsforanymeeting,anyconversation,anyproject,anythingaboutwhataretheoutcomesyouwanttocreateandhowdoyouwantpeopletofeelwhenthey’recreatingthemwithyou.

ThenthethirdcomponentisjustbuildingareallystrongIEPfoundationwhichissomethingthatwe’redoingeverysingledayofourlives.It’soneofthereasonswhyIresonatesomuchwithyourworkiswe’resomuchinalignmentintermsofhelpingpeopleoptimizetheirperformance.TheIEPfoundationtomeiswhereBulletProofreally…gettingBulletProofisareallygreatpathwaytocreatingastrongerIEPfoundation.It’sthose3things.Yourpresence,yourintendedimpactandyourIEPfoundation.

Dave: I’mgoingtoaskareallyrudequestion.

Anese: Great.

Dave: Howharditisforsomeonewho’sreallyobesetodotheIEPthing?

Anese: Ithinkthatitstartswiththeirintention.Idon’tthinkthat’sarude

question.Ithinkthatanybodycandoit.

Dave: Idon’twanttopickonobesepeoplehavingbeenoneagoodportionofmylife.Ifoundbothinworkingwithobeseclientsandinmyownexperience,energyregulationisbrokenwhenyourbodystoresfatlikethat.Youhaveperiodswhereyou’restrongandyouhaveperiodwhereyou’reweakbutyouraveragemightbeokaybutyourconsistencyisalloverthemap.Evenifyouhavethebestofintention,thentheEpartishighlyvariableandunpredictable.Idon’tthinkit’seasytohaveP,thepresencewithoutenoughE.IfoundwhenIwasfatlikewhenIwasonlikeokayI’monbutthenthere’salotoftimeslikeIwanttobeonbutI’mnotthere.ThenIjustyellatthepeopleandtellthemtogoawaythenlaterwhenIhaveenergy,theydon’twanttotalktome.

Anese: I’veneverbeenaskedthatquestionbefore.Ithinkthat’sareallyinterestingquestion.Myrelationshipwiththatquestionwouldbethattheintentionandthepresenceisevenmoreimportantthantheenergywhenapersonstartingoutwiththat.IfI’mobeseandI’mreallypresenttomyobesestaterightnowandwhat’sgoingonwithmylifeandhowI’mfeelingifI’mreallypresenttothatandthenIhaveanintentionthatIwanttofeelbetter,those2thingsbookendingitaregoingtomaketheenergypiecealittlebiteasierbutit’sgoingtotakemoretime.Ithinkthatyou’dhavetohaveintention,thepresencetoyourcurrentstateinordertostatemakingchangesintheenergy.

Dave: Youwon’tupgradeyourenergythereuntilyourealizethatyouwanttodoitandthatyouhavethepresencetoknowthatyouneedtodoit.

Anese: Ithinkso.Icouldlineupwiththat.Ithinkthatoncesomebodyknows…70%ofthisworkisonawarenessIbelieve.WhatI’venoticedisthatoncesomebodynoticesthatthey’renotsatisfiedwithwherethey’reat

intheircurrentstate,thatiftheysetanintentiontostartshiftingliketogetpresentandtheysetanintentiontostartshiftingit,itbecomeseasiertostartpayingattentionto.ThefoodthatI’mputtinginmybody,isitfuelingme?IsthewayI’mspendingmytimeisthataddingordetractingfrommyenergeticstate?I’dhavetothinkaboutsomemorebutIthinkanalignmentwiththattheintentionandthepresenceisthemostimportantstartingpoint.

Dave: Oneofmyfavoritethingstodoistoworkwithorjusttalkwithpeoplewhoweremorbidlyobeseandthenjustupgradetheenergyfirst.ThenatleastinmycaseandImaybegeneralizingwithwhatIfeltlikeandI’macornercaseinalotofways.Itwaslikeyouhavethisdesperatedesiretoshowupmoreandyouwanttohavemoreenergybutit’sjustlikeit’ssomuch.IhadsomeoneshowupatthebooksigningoftheBulletProofcoffeeshopandshehadjustlost70poundsontheBulletProofdiet.Sheactuallystartedcryingwhenshewastellingmeaboutit.Shewasn’tcryingbecauseshelosttheweight.ShewascryingbecauseIgotmybrainback.Igotmyenergyback.Thecravingswentaway.Whenthecravingswentaway,Ihadmoreenergy.ThenIcouldgotothisandthenIcouldgotothat.

Itwaslikeyou’repullingthisheavysledbehindyouandyoudon’tknowitandthenyoudropthatandallofasuddenyoumakealltheprogressatoncewhichiswhyIaskedthequestion.ThatwashowIfeltwhenIwasreallyobesewasthatitwasjusttoomuchworktoshowupthiswaysoIcoulddoit.ItwaslikeI’minfrontofaclassroomandI’mteachingsoI’mgoingtojustpoureverythinginandthenI’mdoneI’mlike,“Oh!”I’mjustazombie.I’mspent.Thatwasn’tverysustainable.Itfeelsjustthatfirstgetmoreenergyinthesystem.We’lljustfixthat.That’scool.Youstartwiththeintentorthepresencefirstyou’resaying.

Anese: Iputitalltogether.There’sthe3thingsthatyouputtogetherbutthenthere’salsojustyoutakeitasawholeintentionalenergeticpresence.That’sjustdecidinghowIwanttoshowupineverymoment.Thebreakingintention,energyandpresencedownthatkindofhelpsgiveitmoresteppingstonesbutIstaystartwhereveritresonatesmostforyou.Inyourexampleaboutobesity,whenyou’retalkingaboutshowing

upforotherpeople,IwouldalsobeaskinginthatmomentDavewhenyouwereteachingandyouweregettingexhaustedandeverything,whatwouldbethelittlestthingthatyoucanbedoingtobeshowingupforyourselfevenmore?WhatIhearisyourintentionwassomuchonhowareyoushowingupforeverybodyelseandthenyougetexhausted.AninterestingplacetolookishowamIshowingupformyself.What’sthelittlestthingIneedtodorightnowsoIcanfeelalittlebitenergeticallybetter?

Dave: Prettymuchatthetimethatwouldjustbecoffeelikealotof…

Anese: Wasitcoffee?

Dave: Atleastformost.ThiswasbeforeIknewaboutBulletProofcoffee.ItwasalsoI’mteachingat7:00atnightlikearoomfulofengineeringpeople.Youreallyshouldn’thavecoffeeat7:00atnightunlessitdecafbutIwaslike,“No,Ineedthisenergy.I’mjustgoingtobringit.”Itwasdefinitelynotsustainable.ImayhaveabiastowardsmaintainingphysiologicalenergybecauseIbelievethat’stherootofallthestuffthathappensinyourbrain.Ifthemitochondriadon’tfirelikenothinghappensinyourbrain.Ialsohavebraindamagefromneurotoxinexposureatthetime.Itwasjustmoreapparenttome.Itwasanamplifiedsignal.

Whatwouldyousay?Ifsomeoneislike,“Iwanttoshowupmore.”Itsitthereinahypersituationinfrontoftheclassroom.Theygivemeapresentationatwork.They’redoingsomethingatschoolwhatever.HowwouldyoucounselsomeoneintheIEPframeworktohavemoreofwhateverthatinternalawarenessis?

Anese: Youbringupareallyinterestingpointaboutlikethebraindamagewiththeneurotoxins.Aswe’retalkingaboutthisandthinkingeverytimeIworkwiththeclientoneofthefirstthingsI’maskingthemis,whataretheyeating?Howaretheytakingcareofthemselves?AlotoftimesI’llgoanddoworkwithleadersinordertodocoachingorwhateverwe’redoingandthey’resurprisedthatbeforeIshowupthere’s…IoftenwillhaveBulletProofcoffeethere.I’llhaveallthetime.Youhavenoideahowmanyoff-sitesI’veledwhereI’vebroughtmyVitamixandabunch

ofbutterandyourproducts.

Dave: Thankyou.

Anese: It’sallthetime.You’rewelcome.Thankyou.Itmakesmylifeeasier.It’sinterestingbecauseIthinkthatifyourenergyisnotclear,it’shardertobeclearaboutyourintention.ItreallyislikeaMobiusstripthatiscontinuouslyworkingtogether.Mythinkingisstartwhereveryoucan.Startwhereveritresonates.Intentionfeelsreallyintimidating,thengreatdothelittlestthingyoucantoamplifyyourenergy.Ifpresencefeelsscary…likejustgowhereveritfeelsrightsoitmakessense.

WhenIworkpeople,I’lllookathowareyoueating,howareyousleeping,whatareyoudoingandsoIwanttoknow…They’reoftenreallysurprisedbecausethey’relike,“You’renotapersonaltrainer.You’renotmynutritionist.Iwantyoutobemyleadershipcoach.”Thethingisthatyoucan’textractthatout.Thewaythebookbuildsisitstartswiththefundamentalsofyourcontagiousandwhythat’simportantandwhatshowingupactuallymeans.

Ithaspeoplereallylookatwhatisshowingupmeanforthem.ImighthavemydescriptionofwhatIthinkshowingupisbutIthinkweallhavetoreallydecidewhatthatmeansforuspersonally.Itmovesthenextsectionismovingintotheirphysiologyandtheirmindsetandallthethingsthatpeopletendtoputonthebackburnerbecausetheywanttogetintoleadershipandthenitbuildsintoleadership.

Dave: Whatisshowingupmeanforyoupersonallythen?

Anese: Formepersonallyshowingupmeanshonoringmyagreementsformyself.AgreementsthatIhavearoundhowIwanttoshowupinaworldmyvalues.Showingupformemeanschoosingmyattitude.ItmeanschoosinghowIwanttointeractwiththings.We’retalkingearlierandImentionedIjustgotstrandedinDenverairportovernight.Haveyoueverspentthenightinaterminalbefore?

Dave: Absolutely.

Anese: It’sanexperience.That’sareallysillyexamplebutshowingupforme

meantthatIchosetomakethatasgoodofanexperienceaspossibleandtobeapositiveinitasopposedtowhatwashappeningwithsomeoftheotherpeople.LiterallyIsawluggagegetthrownbecausepeopleweresoupset.ShowingupformemeansshowingupformyselfsoIfeelhappyandjoyfulandhealthyandalive.

ThenalsousingthattomakeapositiveimpactintheworldbecausetomepersonallyifI’mtakingcareofmyselfandIfeelgreatandI’mhappyandallthatstuffbutI’mnotmakingapositiveimpactforotherpeopleorformykids,thenitdoesn’tmatter.Likeit’snotenough.IfI’mmakinggreatimpactonotherpeoplebutI’mcompletelyfriedandburnedoutthenthatdoesn’tworkeither.Its2sides.

Dave: Youreadaboutholdingyourfaith.Leadership,culture,management,businesspeoplenowyougotfaithinthere.AreyoulikeaclosethippieAnese?What’sgoingonhere?

Anese: I’mnot.Closethippie?Ohno.I’mnotahippie,no.

Dave: Intentandfaith.Youactuallystartyourbookouttalkingaboutholdingyourfaith.Whatisthedealwithfaith?Rightnowalltheskepticmindedpeoplearelike,“Idon’tknowaboutthisAnese.”Whatdoyoumeanbythat?

Anese: Imeanthatwegettochoose.Wegettochoosehowwewanttointeractwithourlives.ThingshappentousallthetimeDaveasweallknow.We’relisteningtothisandwe’rewatchingthis,weallknowthingshappenallthetimethatsuck,thatareoutofourcontrol.It’sverydifficulttodealwith.Atthesametime,westillgettochoosehowwewanttointeractwiththem.Westillgettochooseinthathowwewanttotalkourselves,howkindwewanttobe,howwewanttotakeaccountabilityforwhatlittlestpiecewemighthavehadinmakingthatthinghappen.

ForexampleIcanhaveaworkingrelationshiporwhateverthat’sreally,

reallychallengingandmaybethepersonisunkindorthey’renotagreatpersonontheteamorwhatever.Iholdmyfaith.Theymightbe“doingthingstomeallthetimeordoingthingstotheteam.”IstillI’mincontrolofhowIinteractwiththatperson.ImaycontrolwhatkindofrequestImake.ImaycontrolifIremovethemfromtheteamorifIleavetheteamandsoIdobelievethatweIguesswehavebiggerpowersalwayshappeningthatarecontrollingsomuchofwhat’shappeningthatwedon’thavecontrolover.Ultimatelywhenitcomesdowntoit,wehavealwaysachoiceabouthowwetakecareofourselvesandwehaveachoiceabouthowwedecidetointeractwithotherpeopleandshowup.Ibelieveverystrongly.

Dave: Thefirsttwo-thirdsofmycareerIdidverywellinSiliconValleyandIhadmultipleopportunitiestobeintheexecutivestaffweeklymeetingandboardmeetingandallthatstuffandthere’sasetofbehaviorsthecourtesanbehaviorsifyoureadlikeRobertGreene’s48LawsofPower.Thisiswhatpowerfulpeopledotogetinpowerandstayinpowerandwhethertheyknowthey’redoingitornotlikethereasonthattheygotthereisinpartbecausetheylearnlikethehiddencodeofbehavior.

That’showyoushowupexternallybutwhatI’velearnedinthelatterthirdofmycareeristhatifhowyoushowupexternallyandhowyoushowupinternallyarenotinalignment,whatishappeningispeopleknow“Theguyislikedoingallthethingsrightbutthere’ssomethingthatlacksintegrity.”There’ssomethinginsincereortheinfamousIdon’tknowwhyIjustdon’ttrustthatperson.I’veactuallydonealotofworkonmakingsurethatwhatI’mdoingexternallyI’mdoinginternallyorinalignmentandifit’snotinalignmentinternallyI’mnotjustgoingtodoitexternally.ThatremovesalotofdiscomfortfrommylifeanditmeansthatIsolveproblemsmorequicklyratherthanjustlettingthemdragon.

Whenyou’retalkingaboutshowinguplikethis,areyoutalkingabouttheexternal?IhadenoughcontroltodotherightthingthinkingthatIwaspissedoff.Ididn’tactpissedoffandIsaid,“Thankyoumam.”orwhateveryou’resupposedtosay.Givememoreonthis.

Anese: You’rejusttalkingrightbacktowhatIwasmentioningaboutthe

showinguppieceformeit’saboutwhat’shappeningexternallyandhowI’mshowingupfortheworldbutalsohowI’mhandlingmyself.Tomethat’sthesamethingwhatyou’retalkingaboutandbeingcongruent.HowIshowupinternallymybeliefs,myvalues,myregardforotherhumanbeingsthathastobecongruentwithhowIshowupintherestoftheworldandthewayItreatpeopleandifthatis,thenwehavetheoutcomeyou’retalkingaboutwhereyou’vegotcredibilityandpeopletrustyou.

ThinkingaboutifI’mreallyangryaboutsomethingandinternallyI’mseethingbutIwanttogoandbereally“Heythere.Hithere.Hothereit’sallfine.”Yeahnobodyisgoingtotrustformethat.They’regoingtosensethat.Ihavearesponsibilityinthatmomentshowingupformemightbetoveryauthenticallyprocesswhat’shappeningtogocallafriend,togocall,“HeyDavethisthingjusthappened.I’mreallyupsetaboutit.Canwetalkaboutit?”Iprocessthatfeeling.Ihaveauthenticemotionaroundit.ThenIgettodecidehowIwhattointeractinit.

Inthatmomentitmightbetakingatimeoutandliterallysaying,“ActuallyIneedalittlebitofabreak.”It’snotaboutbeinganauthenticinternally,it’sbeingauthenticbutalotoftimeslikelet’sjustsaybeforeyouandIhavethischattodayandrightbeforeyougetonthecall,somethinghappensthatreallyupsetsme.Itruinsmydayorwhateverandthenwe’regoingonandIhaveacoupleofchoices.Icancancel.Icantellyou,“DaveIdon’tfeellikeI’minareallybadmood.”

Icancomeonandbereallyauthenticandbejustlike“HeyDaveeverythingisgreat.”You’regoingtofeelitorIcanrebootandIcanlookatgettingreally,reallypresentinthismomentandtrustingthatwhateverjusthappenedI’mgoingtogotakecareafterthiscall.Ihaveachoiceinthismomenttoshowupandbereallypresentwithyou,tohopefullycontributetoyouraudience.

Dave: Thatmakessense.BeforeIgoonstageorifI’mgoingtodosomethingthat’shighdramaIdon’tactuallyhavethatmanythingsthatarehighdramajustbecauseofthelevelofneurologiccalmnessthatI’vetaughtmyselfbutifthere’ssomethingthatreallyrequiresthatlevelof

performanceIdotheheartratevariabilitythingwhereIliterallycalmmyfightorflightresponsegoingtoparasympatheticmodeandthenIcango…itdoesn’treallymatterifit’slikeanannoyingthing.I’mnotgoingtogointothereactionarymode.ThenI’minternallyincontrolaswellasexternallyincontrolandthatmakesiteasy.Ifeitheroneofthose2isn’tmatched,itdoesn’twork.

Thatalsomeansformeoneofthehardestthingstodoiswhenit’sanappropriatethingistoactangrytosendastrongsignalbutI’mactuallynotangry,Imightbealittlebitdisappointedthatthingsdidn’tgothewayIwantedbutifsomeoneneedstoseeangertomotivatethemandI’mnotfeelingitlikeI’mnotgoingtodothat.It’sjusttoounauthenticsoIjustwon’tdoit.I’lljustmakelookI’mnotreallyhappyaboutthis.Doitbetternexttime,okay?VersuslikeyouknowI’mreallyrah!SometimesthetantrumiswhatmotivatespeoplebutIthinkIwasmanipulative.IfI’mnotfeelingitthenI’mnotgoingtodoit.What’syouradviceonthat?ShouldIbedoingthatifthat’swhatthesituationreallycallsfor?

Anese: Notifit’sfake.

Dave: Hereyougo.Weagreeonthat.

Anese: Idon’tthinkso.I’mahugeproponentofbeauthenticandberesponsibleforyourimpact.Sometimesangerthat’soneofthemostimportantthingsthatcanhappenonateam.Yourteammessessomethingupandyou’reangryandyoucomefromanauthenticplaceabout.Younameitandthenyouworkthroughit.Sometimesthatangerisreallyimportanttoexpandtheteam’sabilityandalsotocreatemoretrustbecauseyou’rewillingasaleadertocomebacktothetableafterwardsbutinserviceofjust…Iremembermeetingsomebodyhiswayofmanaginghispeoplewastothrowphonesatthem.Thatwasit.Hewaslike,“ThisisthewayIdoit.Ithrowphonesatmypeople.They’retotallymotivated.”

Dave: IslikethoselittleZoolandertinyflipphoneslikethoselittleonessoitdoesn’thurttoomuch?

Anese: Likethebigones,thebigphones.

Dave: Ican’timagine.IfIhadamanager…Ihadsomereallyabusivemanagers

inthepast.Howcouldnotcatchthephoneandthenthrowitback?Likethat.Itmightbeyourlastmoveatthejobbutitwouldbeworthit,right?

Anese: Right,totally.Thisguythoughtthathisleadershipprowesswaslikeawesomebecausehesaid,“Theywerereallyhighupandjustwonanawardfortheirperformanceasabusiness.”Theyhitacertainfinancial…theywerelikeattheInc.500.Hewasreallyproudofit.Hesaid,“Mypeopleareterrifiedofmeandthat’showIleadandthatworksforme.”That’sauthentic.Theyweren’tonthelistnextyear.Idon’tknowwhathappenedtohimbut…

Dave: Whathappenedisallofhisemployeesbasicallyslithisthroatwhenhewasn’tlookingonthebusinessperspectivebecausethat’swhathappenswhenyou’reatotaljerklikethat.Youcan’trunacompanythatway.Comeon!

Anese: It’snotsustainable.

Dave: Maybeyoucanbutit’slikeyourlifewillsuckandsowillthatofeveryonearoundyousoyoushouldn’trunacompanythatway.

Anese: Thenthey’renotgivingyoutheirbestthinking.They’renotgivingyoutheirbestcreativity.TheyarethereforaJ-O-B.They’retheretopunchtheclock,todowhattheyhavethebareminimumwhattheyhavetodobecausetheyneedajobversusthey’reinspiredandexcitedandtheygohomeandraveabouthowgreatitistoworkatthecompany.ThestuffthatyouandIaretalkingwhenyoutalkedaboutthe38differentbehaviors.Wasit…?

Dave: 48lawsofpower.

Anese: 48lawsofpowersoalotoftimeswhenpeoplecometomeforhelpthey’rereally,reallybrilliant.They’vegottheiradvanceddegreesormakinggreatmoney.They’reallthesethingsbuttheycan’tfigureoutwhythey’renothavingtheimpactthattheywanttohaveand9times

outof10Daveit’sthestuffthatwe’retalkingabout.It’stheirintention,theirenergyandtheirpresence.It’sjustnotcongruent.

Dave: There’salargenumberofpeopleAnesewhodon’tbelieveinenergy.Canyouwalkmethroughwhathappenswhensomeonewith“thewrongenergy”walksintoaroom?

Anese: Anybodylisteningtothishashadtheexperienceofbeinginaroomwheresomebodywalksinandtheroomchangesorthey’reinagrocerystoreandtheyrunintosomebodyandthepersonjuststartstalkingabouthowbusytheyareorhowhardlifeisorwhateverandtheyfeelashiftintheirstate.Theyfeelashiftinthat.They’reeithercompelledbyitorrepelledbyit.EverybodylisteningtothisIthinkIwouldhopehashadthatexperienceofsomethingshiftingoryougetinthecarwithyourkidsandyou’reinareally,reallygoodmoodandyou’re…thishappenstomeallthetime.

Oneofyourkidsisinareallybadmoodandthenallofasuddenbeforeyouknowittheenergyofthecarhasstartedtoshift.Everyoneintheroom,they’realittlebitquieter.There’salittlebitmoreick.Weseethisandmeetingisalie.Youguysareinameeting.Yougot8people,6ofyouaresuperhighenergy.You’regettingalotofworkdoneandyou’rereallyproductive.You’reonpurposeandthere’s2peopleinthecornerthatjustseemcompletelydevotedtosyncingtheirown.That’swhatwe’retalkingaboutwhenItalkaboutenergyintermsofvibe.

Dave: Youwalkintoaroomandyouidentifiedthere’s1or2peoplewhoarescrewinguptheenergyintheroom.Doyoulikesmudgethemwithsage?No,I’mkidding.Whatdoyoudo?

Anese: Ican’thaveaconversationlikethatwithoutglasses.NexttimewedoI’mwearingglassestoo.IfeellikeIcouldbattlethehippiecommentsalittlebitbetterwithglasses.DoIsmudgeon?YesIwalkoverandIputmycrystalsallaroundthemandthenwedoabigsmudgingandthenwedosomechanting.

Dave: Yougotcrystalballs.

Anese: Crystalballsandwedothelittlegong.Iaskthemabouttheirauraand

yes…wecoulddothatDave.Wecoulddothat.MaybeI’lltrythatwithmynextoffsitejustreallyfreakthemout.Itwilltotallyfreakthemout.Whatwe’lldoinsteadisthere’sacoupleofways.Oneisyouwalkinandyoujustnoticeit.Youdon’tmakeitwrong.Youjustnoticeit.It’slikeyounoticeitandastheleaderofthatmeetingyouholdyourownstatesoyoudon’tsinkdown.Youdon’tmatchthatenergy.Youholdyourownstateandyoucontinuetoleadthemeeting.

Thenifitdoesn’tshift,sometimesthat’senoughtostartshiftingandpeoplewillstarttopopupbecausethelowestvibrationwillwinunlesstheleaderoftheroomisreallygoodatholdingthatstate.Alotoftimesthatwillbeenoughtoshiftit.Ifitdoesn’t,mynextstepwillbetogetcuriousaboutitandtonamewhat’shappeningintheroom.Justsay,“Heyguyshowarewedoing?Howareyouguysfeeling?HeyGeorgeI’mnoticing,what’sgoingonforyou?Doyouneedanything?Howareyoufeelingaboutthisproject?”Justtoengagethemfromastateofcuriosity.

It’snotaboutmakingthemwrong.It’snotaboutjudgingthem.It’snotaboutgoingtolike,“Ohyou’rethedamperintheroom.”It’sjust,“Heywhat’sgoingonoverthere?”ThenoftentimesGeorgehavingalittlebitofspacetostarttalkingaboutthatthatwillshiftit.Ifthatdoesn’tshiftit,thenit’lloftentakeabreakandI’llpullGeorgeasideandaskhimlike,“What’sgoingonforyou?Doyourealizetheimpactyou’rehavingontheroom?”

Dave: Iwashopingthatyou’regoingtosayIcouldusepepperspraybecausethatwouldmakeitsoeasy.Like,“You!”andyoujustspray.

Anese: Thatisstep8.That’sonthenextbook.It’stheviolentIEPmethod.

Dave: BetterIEPthroughviolence.I’mtellingyouthere’samarketforthis.Whatyou’resayingisabsolutelytrueinmyexperience.Thisdidn’tcomenaturallytome.Idon’tthinklikeittookalotofwork.Youcanfigureoutwhensomethingiswrongintheroomorapersonisjustbringingitdown.Youcanactuallystopthatfromimpactingyou.Atleastamodel

thatIuseisthatwhenyou’redealingwavesthere’sthisthingcalledamplitudewhichistheheightofthewave.Atidalwavehasverybig.It’sverypowerful.Ithasahighamplitudeandthere’salsolikealevelofchaos.

Ifyou’resurfingthere’sregularsetslikea9wavescomeinandtheregularandthentheystopandthen9wavescomeinbutit’sveryrhythmic.Ifit’schoppylike2waves,4wavesthey’recloselyspacedoruncloselyspacedthat’sthedifferencethatyoucanhavethere.IfyourenergyisthehighamplitudelikelookI’matidalwave.I’matidalwavethatturnsouthasalittlebitmorechoppinesstoit,that’stherightstate.Ifyourheartrateisthatwayit’samagneticfieldbutthere’sthingsyoucando.

Ifyouwalkintotheroomandyouhavethehighestamplitudeheartrateandyouareinthezone,that’sgoingtobeinfectious.Evenifyouhaveadownerintheroom,aslongasthey’renotadownerthatalsohashighamplitudewaves.Youcouldsayohmygodnowwe’vebeengoneoffintohippielandexceptI’mtalkingaboutwavesthatIcanmeasurewithmyiPhone.Thereappearstobeevidence.

Anese: There’sevidenceandthere’sevidenceandbythewayittakesonetoknowone.

Dave: Forpeoplelisteninglikethisit’sokaytonotice.Youknowwhatlikethatguyhasabadvibe.That’sanotherwaytosayit.ifyouacknowledgethatasaleaderwhetheryouacknowledgethatloudorjusttoyourselfandthenyou’relikeokayI’mlikenotgoingtotakethatonrightnowIfeellikeitmakesadifference.That’swhyI’mafanofthewayyoulaythisstuffoutinyourbook.Youwriteaboutcontagiousculturebutalotofthatcontagiousnessislikelookyoubringabadappleintotheroomandthemeetingcangoalltohell.

Ifyou’reintheroomandyouseeithappeningandyouhavethispresenceandyouhavetheenergy,youcanactuallyblockthat.It’snotdonecognitively.Atleastformeit’smoreofafeltsensebutit’ssomethingthatgoodleadersdowhethertheyknowthey’redoingitor

notbuttheyalwaysdoitinmyexperience.

Anese: Whatyou’retalkingaboutIthinkabout…ItalkaboutthisinthebookandIactuallyincludetheextrastoobutit’scalledbubblingup.It’snoticingwhat’saroundyoububblingupsothatyougettochoosewhatyouwanttoallowintoyourspaceandifyouwanttomatchthatornotsoyoububbleup.Thatwholeideaofbubblingupisitsbringingawarenessbackthatweallhaveourownenergeticspaceandthatwehaveachoicewithhowwewanttointeractwithwhateverishappening.

TheotherpieceIwouldaddistalkingaboutthatguyovertherehasabadvibe.ForeveryonelisteningtothisorwatchingitandalsooneoftheshortcutsinmymindistonoticethatguyhasgotabadvibebutIwanttocheckhowamIdoing,whatamIputtingoutthereandhowmightIbecontributingtothatinsomeway.IfIstarttomakehimwrongorjudgehimforit,thenthat’sawayofalsodoinganenergeticmatch.It’snotgoingtocontributetohelpingthingsgoright.It’sjustreallyhavingawarenesswhereitdoesn’tgetintoblameorputtingitofftherebutjustnoticingfromastateofcuriosity.Hisenergyisreallylow.Itdoesn’tfeelgoodtobearoundhimorit’sreally,reallytoxicandhowamIdoing?HowamItakingofmyself?HowamIshowingupwithhim?JustalwayshavethatawarenessbothwaysIthink.

Dave: We’reinalignmentthere.

Anese: Totally.

Dave: Youtalkaboutsomeotherstuffinyourbookthat’sunusualandIadmirethatyouwenttothelonganddifficultamountofworkittakestowriteabookbecausemostofthisstuffisthewordsineffable.Therearen’treallygoodwordstodescribeitwhichisthecaseforleadership.InfactatWhartontheyhadusdocalculusintheleadershipclassonce.I’mlikehowexactlydoyoucalculusinleadershipbecauseasfarasIknowleadershiphasnothingtodowiththeareaunderacurvebutthatwasalmostlikeabastardizationofleadershipnotthattheydidn’thaveagoodleadershipprogram.TheydidbutIjustdidn’tlikedoingmathinit.

Whatyou’redoingisyou’retakingonthesquishierpartsofitandputtingaframeworkinitwhichmakesiteasiertounderstand.YoutalkaboutsomespecificthingsthatIthinkwouldworkforeveryonewhethertheyfeelcomfortableandthey’relookingtogrowasleadersorjustashumanbeings.Youtalkaboutoutgracing,busyandburnout.Youhavethisideaofleadershipoptimizers.Canyouwalklistenersthroughafewofyourleadershipoutliners?Howdoyououtgracethisstuff?Whatdoesoutgracingmean?

Anese: It’snotgoingtorequiresageandcrystal.OutgracinginmymindisIstartedtonoticeacoupleofyearsagoI’msureyoucanseethisthiswholethingaboutbusy.Ialmostfeellikewe’regoingtobeontheothersideofthisissueprettysoon.Maybe2016we’llconquerbusy.Istartedtonoticethatifyouasksomebodyhowthey’redoing,9timesoutof10theresponseyougetislike,“OhmygoshI’msobusy.Issohard.I’msobusy.”Haveyounoticed?

Dave: Ohyeah.

Anese: IwasgrocerystoreonedayandIranintooneofmydaughter’sfriend’sparents.LiterallychasingmedowntheaisletalkingabouthowbusytheyareandI’mbackingaway,backingaway,backingaway.Anyway,Ijustthinkthatbusyhasbecomethisthingofit’sthenewfine.It’sthisbadgeofhonor.We’reperpetuatedculturallythattheleaderstalkabouthowbusytheyare.ItislikeabadgeofhonorlikeI’msobusy.They’retryingtooutbusyeachother.Ijustthinkitscompletelyunnecessary.

ThewayIlookatitisweallhavethesameamountoftime.Weallaredoingthingshopefullythataremeaningfulandimportant.Reallylookingatthelanguagetomeoutgracingbusyislookingathowbusyareyouactually,whyareyouspeakinginthatterm,whatisthelanguagethatyou’reusingaroundisitreallysupportingyou.IstartedswitchingmylanguageacoupleofyearsagotoI’mrichlyscheduledorI’mfeelingonpurposeorI’mfeelingreallywellusedorwhateveritwasformethatfeltrightinthemoment.Itreallychangedmyrelationshipwithbusy.

WhatI’venoticedisI’vehadteamsstarttoeliminatethatwordandthatbadgeofhonorfromtheirvocabularyandfromtheirteamagreementsanditreallyopensupatonofspace.Onewayofoutgracingitistoreallystartnoticingyourrelationshipwithbusyandwhat’sgoingon.Isitbecauseyouwereexhaustedbecauseyou’renottakingcareofyourenergy?Isitbecauseyou’rereallybadatholdingboundaries?Isitbecauseyou’renotclearofwhatyou’resupposedtobedoingandsoyou’resayingyestoeverything.Itslotofdifferentpieces.

Dave: Itendtosayworkinghardordoingmybestbecausethoseareverydifferentthanbeingbusy.Ifyou’rebeingbusy,youmightbebusynotworkinghard,you’rejustlikewastingtimeyou’rebusy.Itendtoworktoavoidbusinessaswelljustbecause…asthewaythinkingaboutmylifethat’snotwhatIwant.Iamverytightlyscheduledandevery15minuteshavesomething.That’scoolandIaskedforthat.InfactIpaymyteamtodothatformesoIdon’twastetimebecauseIbelieveinworkinghardanddoingmybest.

Anese: You’resuperintentionalaboutit.Youbeingasintentionalasyouareabouthowyouwanttobescheduledandworkingwithyourteamandbeingstillonpurpose,tomethatalleviatesalotoftheenergyofbusythatsomanypeoplearestressedoutby.Ihearyourlanguageisbeingdifferentbutalsothere’salotofintentionaroundthewaythatyouscheduleyourselfout.

Dave: That’strue.Iwouldhaveknownthat.That’sonething.Quitbeingbusyeveniflikeyou’reworkingreallyhardandyoudon’thavelotsoffreetimeitdoesn’tmeanthatyou’rebusy.Itmeansthatyou’redoingsomething.Busyisn’tactuallyaccomplishinganything.Ihearyou.

Anese: Anotheroneisturningyourcomplaints.Anythingthatyou’renothappyaboutinyourlifeorinyourteamorinyourorganization,youlookatthatcomplaintandinsteadofcomplainingaboutitwhichiscompletelyunproductive,youflipitoverandyoulookunderneathitandthere’salwayssomekindofanuncommunicatedrequestorsuggestion.Ifyoucantakeyourcomplaintsandturnthemintosomekindofarequest,allofasuddenyouhavealotmorepowertostartchangingwhateveris

happeninginthatorganizationorwithyourteamorthatrelationship.

Dave: YoucanalsodowhatIdoisyoulookatyourcomplaintsandtheyjuststartacompanyaroundsolvingthem.

Anese: Thatisanotherwaytodoit.

Dave: Whyisthiscoffeemakemejitteryandcrankyandangry?I’llfixthat.

Anese: No,Ilovethat.ActuallyperfectexampleIlovethat.

Dave: That’swhatIdid.

Anese: No,it’sbrilliant.It’saperfectexample.Itwasn’tworkingforyousoyoulookokaywhatwouldIlikeinsteadandthenyoudidit.Youwentoutandyoudidit.It’stakinghugeownershipforacomplaintthatyouhad.Youturnthecomplaintintorequest.Ifyouwanttogoandmakeitreallygoodespeciallyinrelationshipdynamics,underneaththatrequestiswhatIcallsomekindofadreamoratenderagenda.Forexampleacomplaint…

Dave: Tinderlikethedatingappor…?

Anese: No.Tenderagenda.It’sthetenderagenda.That’sanotherIEPbook.We’lltalkaboutthatonelater.There’sthecomplaint.“Dave,younevercall.Youneverwrite.Youneveremailmeback.It’shorrible.Ican’tstandit.”There’smycomplaint.HowcompellingamItoyourightnow?You’relike,“Anese,Ireallywanttocallyoumore.”Thatdoesn’treallyworkversusIlookattherequestthat’sunderneaththatwhichis“Dave,IwouldloveitifyouandIcouldinteractmore.”or“IwoulditwhenIemailyouifyoucangetbacktomewithin3daysandjustletmeknowthatyou’veevengottheemailthatwouldbeamazing.”JustbecauseImadetherequestdoesn’tmeanthisisnotrealbythewayyou’reamazingatemailbutjustbecauseImadetherequestIthinkinmyexperienceyouare.

Dave: Mypeopleareamazinginemail.Isuckatit.

Anese: We’llgreat!Thereyougo.They’reverygoodatit.Ithoughtyouwere

greatatit.

Dave: Thanks.

Anese: JustbecauseImadetherequestdoesn’tmeanthatyouhavetosayyestoitbutwe’rebackinapositionofcollaborationwhereyoucan“Anese,Ican’tdothatbutheremypeoplegetbacktoyouin3days.”Ifyoulookunderneaththatrequestandyougoalittlebitdeeper,there’satenderagendaorthere’sadreamwhichisIwanttohaveabetterworkingrelationship.Iwanttoknowyoubetter.Whateveritmightbe.Inyourrelationshipswiththepeoplethatyouworkwith,firstofallwealwaysstartwithourselves.IfI’mcomplainingalot,whatarerequestinsteadandwhatdoIwanttodotomakethemhappensothat’sonesideofit.

TheninmyrelationshipsifI’vegotpeoplecomplainingtomealot,ifIwasaleaderoftheteamIcansaythat,“Ihearyourcomplaint,whatwouldyoulikeinstead?”That’sawayofgivingthembacktheirpowerwheretheygettogo,“WaitasecondIactuallycouldhaveachoicehere.”Iftheystarttolookatwhattheywantinsteadnowthey’reinadifferentpositionofpowerwheretheycannowstarttogetactionaroundit.

OneofthethingsIseepeopleallthetimeistheygo“Anese,ifIturneveryoneofmyemployee’scomplaintsintorequestIwillbesobusyI’llbeexhausted.I’llberunningaroundwithahandcufftryingtohonorthem.”It’snotaboutthat.It’saboutthepersoncomplainstoyouaskingthemwhattheylikeinsteadandthenyougiveitbacktothemandsay“Great!What’sthenextthingyoudotostartmakingthathappen.”or“Heyactuallywereallycan’tdothisasacompany.Here’swhy.Let’stalkaboutsomealternatives.”Theideaagainisgetpeopleoutfthecomplainingenergywhichiscompletelycontagious.Itssupertoxicandyougetthemintoastateofreallylookingat“WhatdoIwantinsteadandhowcanIcontributetomakingithappen?”

Dave: Thatsoundsreallylegit.WehavearuleatBulletProofthat’slikenogossiping.Ifyou’regoingtocomplainaboutsomethingaboutsomeone

else,youshouldbewillingtosaythattotheirfacesowecanworkonitespeciallyweallhaveasharedmissionhere.Everyoneinthecompanyknowsthatwe’rehelpingliterallymillionsofpeoplenowjusttohaveourenergy,justtogetalittlebitmorecontrolofwhat’shappeningintheirownbodies.Mostofthemhaveexperiencedthatthemselvesdramaticallywhichiswhytheyjoined.

ThatworkswellwiththekindofculturewehaveatBulletProofbutitmaynotworksowellifyou’reworkingatDellorsomethinglikenottopickonDellit’sjustlikethey’reaginormouscompanythatmakesIguessthecomputersnotbeigeanymorethey’refinallygray.They’renotthatexciting.SorryDell.

Anese: Soyou’resayingthatDellwouldpotentially...biggercompanyyes.

Dave: Ifyouhave50,000employeeslikeit’saverydifferentproblemisallI’msaying.Ifyou’reinamatureindustry.

Anese: I’venoticedisrelatedalittleofftopicbuthere’sanotherthingI’venoticed.Thebiggerthecompany,themoreroomthereisforthegossipandthecomplaintandeverythingbecausetheyhavemoretime.Youtakeasmallercompany,I’vereallynoticedthedifferencestartups,smaller,entrepreneurialmindedcompaniestheydon’thavealotoftimeforthisstuff.They’rebetteraboutbeingreallyquickatturningthecomplaintsintorequest,howtheyreallyclearagreementwitheachotheraroundwhatyou’retalkingaboutnogossip,directengagement.

Youhaveabigger,biggerorganizationit’sjusthardertogetahandleonitandthere’salotofbureaucracyandalotoffreetime.Itendtoseealotmorethatthat’shardertobreakthroughthanacompanythesizeofyoursorsmallerentrepreneurial…PurposemindedcompaniesIthinkarequickertograbontothisstuffandreallygo,“Whataretheagreementsweneedasateaminordertofunctionatourverybest?”Directengagement,timeintegrity,turncomplaintsintherequestthesearealldifferentkindsofagreementsIhaveseenpeopleputintotheirleadershipteamsandthentobuildthatasaculturetoreallysupporttheminhavinggreatrelationships.Nottodingonbigcompanieseither

because…

Dave: It’sjustculturallytheyaredifferentand…

Anese: It’sjustdifferent.

Dave: Managementisdifferenttoo.Youtalkabouttowardstheendofyourbookabouthiringandfiringfortheenergeticgoodofall.Walkmethroughwhatthatmeans.Juststartwiththecrystalball.Ialreadyknowthatnow.

Anese: IwishIhadacrystalball.Youknowwhatactuallylookatthis

Dave: Noway!

Anese: It’snotacrystalball.Itsamethyst.

Dave: JustbecauseyoudidthatIseeyouramethystandIraiseyouatourmaline.

Anese: Wellguesswhat?Iraiseyoualabradorite.

Dave: Actuallythismightbealabradorite.Idon’tevenknow.

Anese: Ithinkthat’salabradorite.

Dave: Isit?Lookatthat.

Anese: Raiseyoualabradorite.

Dave: Thatisinsane.

Anese: That’sawesome.Wait,holdyoursupagain.LookatthisIthinkwehavethesame…

Dave: Thesamerocks.

Anese: Thesamerocksinteresting.

Dave: Youknowwhatthatmeans?

Anese: Whatdoesthatmean?

Dave: Itmeanswetotallyrock.Sorry,Ihadtosayit.

Anese: Westillrock.

Dave: IfanyonedoubtmylevelofdorkinessIproveditrightthere.Withoutadoubt.

Anese: Again,ifIjusthadtheglasseswewouldbelike…hiringandfiringfortheenergeticgoodofallIlovedwritingthatchapter.Here’swhatI’venoticedisthisishappenallthetimewherecompaniesgetintohostagesituations.Likeallthehostagesituation.Theygotsomebodyinthecompanywhoismaybereally,reallygoodatwhattheydoandthey’rebringingingoodmoney.They’reahugeaddtotheresultsofthecompanybuttheytreatpeoplereally,reallybadly.Thecompanygetsinthispositionwherethey’relike,“Ican’tletgoofthispersonbecauseifweletgoofDaveoursalesaregoingtoreallysuffer.”We’regoingtotoleratewhatDaveisdoingandwe’regoingtolethimrunaroundandleavedeadbodiesallovertheplacebecausehe’ssuchagoodperformer.

Thenwhathappensistherestoftheculture,therestoftheteamstartstoreallyreacttothat.Thechaptertalksaboutthehostagesituationwhereyou’renotfiringsomedaybecauseyoueitherwanttobetoonice,you’retoodependentonthem.Youdon’twanttorocktheboatculturally.Youdon’twanttohurtmoralesoyouhangontothembutit’sactuallydoingtheoppositeofwhatyouwantedtodobecauseyou’reruiningyourcredibilitywiththerestofyourstaff.

Italkaboutsomeofthethingsthatpeoplewon’tlookatwhichismakingagreementsasaleadershipteamofwhatbehaviorsarenotacceptableandwheredoyouguysdrawtheline.Evenifsomebodyisyourtopperformerbutthey’rereally,reallybehavingbadlyandtreatingpeople

poorlyinthecompanyandthey’re“toxic”wheredoyoudrawtheline?Whatisyoursystemforthat?Doyougivethemfeedbackdirectly?It’sanotherpieceisthatsooftensomebodyishavingnegativeimpactandnobodyisreallygivingthemthehonestdirectfeedbackaboutitsotheycontinuedoingit.Thenwhenthepersongetsfiredortheyquitbecausetheymiserablenowbecauseeverybodydoesn’tlikethem,it’sjustnotfair.

Thewholechaptergoesthroughhelpingpeoplereallylookatwhyareyouholdingontoopinionthatyoushouldn’tbe,wherewoulditactuallybeandenergeticservicetoletthemgobecause9timesoutof10thepeoplethataren’tperformingwellorthataretoxicintheorganizationtheydon’tfeelgoodaboutiteitherandsojustlookingatenergeticallyhowdoyouhiretherightpeopleandreallylookattheirvaluesandlikethecriteriayou’resortingfoandthenalsohowdoyouletthemgofromastateofgraceandcareandcontributionversushavingitbethisreallyhorribleuglythingattheend.

Dave: There’s2differentgroupsofpeoplelistening.There’ssomepercentagesofBulletProofaudiencewhoareeitherleadersorworkingtobeleadersandthere’sprobablyamuchlargerpercentageofpeoplewhoarebothleadersbutalsoemployeesorbeingled.YouandmelikeIhaveaboardofdirectorsandI’mpartofateamandIjusthappentobealeadershiprolemoreoftenthannot.

Anese: Weallworkforsomeone.

Dave: Exactlyifyou’remarriedespecially,right?Howwouldsomeoneknowifthey’reoneofthepeoplewhowellneedstobefiredfortheenergeticgoodoftheorganizationinotherwordshowcouldyoudothis?Assumingthatyouwanttoknow,howwouldyouknow?

Anese: I’mtheemployeeandIneedtoknow?

Dave: Ifyou’retheemployee,howdoyouknowthatlikewowIguessI’mactuallynotcontributinginthewayIshouldbeandI’mprobablyonalistsomewhereofpeoplewhoaren’taculturalfit.WhatarethesignsI

shouldlookfor?

Anese: Ithinkthefirststepisinawarenessandbeingreallyhonestwithyourselfabouttheimpactthatyou’rehavingonotherpeople.JustnoticingbeingawareofwhenintotheroomarepeopleexcitedthatI’mthere,whatistheimpactIhaveonpeople,howaretheyrespondingtome?Thinkofwereallyareawareofhowpeoplereacttousthatgivesusalotofinformationofevenjustintuitivelysothat’sonepiece.

Anotherpiecewouldbegotomybossormybusinesspartnerwhoeverandtogetsomefeedbacktoreallyaskthemlike“Ihavethissense.IwanttomakesurethatI’mshowingupinawaythat’sreallycontributingtotheorganization.Whatdoyouthink?HowamIdoing?”Thatwouldbeanotherwayjusttohaveareallyhonestconversation.ThentheotherpiecewouldbetogoandgetsomecollaborativefeedbackwhereyougotoyourHRdepartmentoryourtalentdepartmentorwhateverprobablylearninganddevelopment…itdependsondifferentorganizationsbuttoreallygoandaskthem,“Canyougetsomereallygoodfeedbackformeandcollect…”

Ialwaystellpeoplewhentheygetfeedbackifthey’regoingtodoitforthemselvesorthey’regoingtohavesomebodyelsedoitforthemitdoesn’tmatter.Iwantthemtogetatleast5to7peopletogivethemsomecorefeedbackaround3or4keyquestionsthatIgivethem.Iaskthemtomakesurethatthese5to7peoplearecombinationofpeoplewholovethem,peoplewhodonotlikethematallandjustpeoplewhoarelikethey’reboss,adirectreportlikeacustomer.Iftheygetthisfeedbackaround4corequestionsandallofasuddenthey’vegotalittlebitmorecomprehensiveideaofhowthey’redoingintheorganization.Here’sthethingDave,unlesspeoplearewillingtotellthemthetruthbecauseIcandothatfeedbackexerciseandeveryoneislike,“OhnoDave’sfantastic.”Mostofthetimetheywill.

Dave: OneoftheproblemswehaveespeciallyintheUSisjusttheideaofgettingfeedback.You’llprobablygetsuedfromhonestfeedback.Especiallywhensomeoneisletgothevastmajorityofcompaniesarelike“I’mreallysorry.Wasn’tastrategicfit.”You’relike,“Whatthehell

doesthatmean?ClearlyeitherIdidsomethingwrongorreallywehadalayoffbutevenifthere’salayofflikeyoudidn’tlaythatguyoff,youlaidmeoff.”It’sactuallyreallyunkindbutifyouhaveHRattorneysthey’llbelikeyoucannottellthepersonwhyyoufiredthembecausethey’llturnaroundandsueyouforthat.What’syouradviceonthatsituation?

Anese: That’sinteresting.Allthetimedoingthiswork,knockonwood,bigtimewoodorlabradorite,I’veneverwentintothat.Here’sthewaythatIlookatthat.Ifsomebodyisperformingbadlyanditsperformancerelatedorhavinganegativeimpactonotherpeople,youastheleaderinthecompanyhavearesponsibility…Ibelieveitisahugeresponsibilitytogoandtogivethatpersonhonestfeedbacksaying“Here’swhatwe’renoticingishappening.Wecareverymuchaboutyou.Wewantyoutodowellhere.We’rewillingtoputyouonaperformanceprogram.We’rewillingtogetyousomecoaching.We’rewillingtodo…we’llgetyouabuddylikewhatever.”Ithinktistheleader’sresponsibilitytogoandbereallyhonestwiththatperson.

Ifitsperformancerelatedorit’sthewaythatthey’reshowingupinorganizationit’snotsomepersonalthinglikethey’re…someofthemoretraditionalthingsthatIseepeoplewouldgetintotroubleforlikediscriminationasawomanorthey’repregnantoronthey’reonthetrailer.I’mthinkingthosekindsofthings.Ifit’sreallyperformancerelated,theninmymindI’veneverseenthatbackfire.That’ssomethingwhereyouhavearesponsibility.WhereIseeitreallybackfireispeoplearesodoggonepolitetheydon’twanttogivethatfeedbackandsotheyareverycarefularoundit.

There’sactuallyanexamplelikeI’vegiveinthebookwithsomebodywhowasawesome.Hethoughthewasdoingsogreat.Igotbehindcloseddoorswiththeleadershipteamthey’relike,“Wejustdon’tthinkthathe’snotgoingtocutit.”Iwaslike,“YouguysIjustsawyougivehimareviewthatwasawesome.What’sthedisconnect?”They’relike,“We’rejusthopinghe’sgoingtogetit.”Tomethat’scruelsothatisnotfortheenergeticgoodofall.

Wetalkaboutgivingfeedbackeffectively.Wetalkaboutsettingpeople

forsuccess.Wetalkabouthavingreallyhonestconversationsinthatfeedbackconversationsothatthepersoniftheydoendupleaving,theyleavefeelinggoodandtheywereacontributiontotheorganizationwhateverwheretheywereandnowtheycangooutandbeabettercontributiontosomebodyelsesomewhereelse.

Dave: Thatissoundadvice.We’reupontheendoftheshowandIfeellikethere’sabunchmorequestionsIcouldaskyouforpeoplewholikewanttonavigatetheweirdlabyrinththatiscorporateAmerica.Iwouldactuallyrecommendthatpeoplereadyourbookbecauseyoutalkaboutthisalot.Anyonewhoshowsupinameetingandgetssomeofthesethings,they’llbeabletochangeatleasttheircontributionandprobablythewholemeeting.Whenyouarethepersonwhodoesthatreliablywhathappensisyougetraisesandpromotionslikeitjustworksthatway.

Anese: That’sabonus.

Dave: Icertainlylookforpeoplelikethat.That’soneofthereasonsthatthisishelpful.Thisisn’tjustaboutleaders.Thisisaboutyourperformance.Itisalittlebitmoreaboutyourperformanceatworkbutifyoutakethecoremethodologyit’saboutyourperformanceasaleaderthroughoutlifenotjustatworkbutIthinkalotofitdoesapplytotheworkplace.

Anese: Youknowit’sfunnybecausethebookiscalledContagiousCulture.Iwaswritingitpeoplekeepgoing“Ohgreatorganizationalculture.”Sure,absolutelybigapplicationsinorganizationalculturebutIalsolookatitasthecultureinyourfamily,yourfriends,theculturethatwecarryinourselves.Igotmyownentireinternalculturegoingonrightnow.Lookingatthatandalwayscomingbacktoyouasthehumanbeing,youastheleaderbecauseinmymindeverybodyisleading.Youmightnothavealeadershippositioninyourcompanybutifyou’renotleadIngyourlife,thenwhois.Comingbacktoyouasleaderandjustlookingat“HowamIshowingup?Itstartswithme.InorderformetoimpacttheworldIbettershowup.”Itbuilds.It’saninsideoutapproach.

Dave: Thatmakessense.TheotherthingI’mgoingtodojusttoconfusethings

I’mgoingtohavemyfriendandBulletProofradioguestSummerBockwhoisaprofessionalfermentationist.I‘mgoingtohavehermakearecommendationforContagiousCulturewhichwillconfuseeveryone.

Anese: That’dbegreat.

Dave: I’mjustkidding.

Anese: That’dbegreat.

Dave: Notthatkindofculture.

Anese: Igotaphonecallsomethinglikethatafterthebookwasreleased.Theywerelike“Whatisthiscontagiousculture?DoesthishavetodowiththeCDCsomething?”

Dave: Didyoureally?Ohmygoodness!It’snotthatkindofculturebutit’samemorable…

Anese: It’snotthatkindofculturebutitdoesspread.

Dave: It’samemorableandanappropriatename.

Anese: We’reallonebigpetridish.Okay,goon.NowI’mgoingtostartkickingoutwithyou.Thereyougo.

Dave: We’reupontheendoftheshowandlasttimeIaskyourtop3recommendationsforpeoplewhowanttokickmoreassateverythingtheydo.Becauseyoujustwroteabookonthisandyou’vealreadyansweredthequestionandprobablyrememberyouranswersbefore,onethingIcandoisIcanaskyouthesameoneagainanddoadifferentialanalysistoseeifyouchangeyouranswerbutthatwouldbeboring.

Anese: IpromiseyouI’vechangedmyanswers.

Dave: Everyonedoes.ThenwhatIwanttoknowis,whatareyourtop3

recommendationsforpeoplewhowanttokickmoreassasleaders?ItbetternotjustbeI,EandPbecausethatwouldbeboring.

Anese: Here’sthething.Youaskthisquestionofeverybody.There’ssomanygoodthingsthatcomeoutofthese3questionsforpeople.I’mjustgoingtoaddontothembecauseyouaskmethislasttimeandIrememberIcouldn’tgetto3.Idon’tknowifyourememberbutIwascombining3intoeachanswer.

Dave: You’relike3answerseachwith17subparts.Irememberthat.

Anese: YousayitwasokaybecauseitwashackingandIwasnamingandIwasdoingit.Iwouldsay…asaleaderoneistofindthegiftineverything.Thisisdifferent.Asidefrombeingpresentallthingswe’vetalkedabouttakingaccountabilityforyourlifeallthatstuffI’mjustgoingtoaddsomemore.Oneisfindthegiftineverysinglething.Somethinghappensinthecompany.Youhavetofiresomebody.Yougetstuckattheairport.Abigmeetinggetscancelledwhatevergetpresenttoitandfindthegift.Thereisagiftinit.There’salwayssomekindofagift.There’ssomethingthatwecanlearn.There’ssomethingthatwelearnaboutourselves.There’ssomething.

Ifyoucanfindthegiftandreallylookathowcanthishelpyoumoveintobeinganevenmoreimpactfulleader,that’sawesomeandthatwillchangeyoufromhavingthemindsetoflike“Ohmygosh!Ican’tbelievethingjusthappened.Thissucksanddah,dah,dah.”Eventhoughyoumightfeelthatwayforawhiletoturningthatthingintosomethingreallyproductive.Findthegiftandbereallygratefulforit.

Dave: Whatwasthegiftattheairport?Canyoujusttellmeaboutthat.

Anese: ThegiftwasIgottorunareallyfunlittleexperimentinContagiousCulture.Travelisagreatplacetolookatthatanyway.Sittingonaplane…IsatthereDaveandIwatchedthepeoplebehindmejustthrowahugefit.Thewholebackoftheplanewasjustlikeeh.Thenyougothepeoplearoundmeandthewomannexttomeandshewasamazing.Wewerelookingat“Whatarewegoingtodo?We’restuckhereforthe

night.”IwassittingthereandIactuallygotmyChristmasshoppingdone.IgottherestofmyChristmasshoppingdoneonlinebecausewewereonthetarmacfor2hours.

Lookingathowpeoplereactyougetofftheplane.Yougetachoice.There’sachoiceineverysinglemomentabouthowdoIwanttoshowupatthis,howdoIreacttothis.Formethegiftwasandthat’snewfriends.IgottoexploretheairportalthoughI’dbefinenottodothatagain.Igottoreally,reallyhaveavisceralexperienceofbeingcompletelyexhaustedbecauseIdidn’tsleepthatnight.Completelyexhaustedsurroundedbycrappyfood.IdidhavesomeofmyBulletProofstuffonmesothatgotme…thatwasgreat.

Dave: Youhaveastickofbutteryou’regoingtomakeit.

Anese: Stickofbutterinoneofyourbars.IthinktomepersonallythebiggestgiftofthatnightwasnoticinghowmanytimesIwantedtogotosnarkyandbefrustratedaboutitandthencatchmyselfandgo,“No,no,noIhaveachoicehere.Wereallyhavealovelyevening.”ImadeitaslovelyasitcouldpossiblybeandIgothomeandit’sallgood.Itdidn’truinmylife.That’sonething.

Anotherthingwouldbeasleadertocreateatribeofpeoplearoundyouthatreallyinspireyouandthataskyoutobeevenbiggerandbetterthanyouarebutalsoholdspaceforyoutocompletelysuck.YourtribeIthinkthat’sstillsoimportant.ThenanotheroneIwouldsaywouldbetobuildingrituals.Buildingritualsintoyourlifeeverystop.Igotritualsinthemorning.I’vegotritualsintheafternoonwithmykids.Justtobuildsomekindofritualthatmakesyoufeelreallygoodanditisn’tabigshouldbutthatactuallygivesyouenergy,givesyouabettercontainertoshowupinawaythatyouwanttoshowup.Thosewouldbe3things.

Dave: Awesome!

Anese: I’mnotgoingtocheatandgiveyou20more.

Dave: AnesethanksforbeingonBulletProofradio.Peoplecanfindyouat

iep.iooriftheycouldspellitanesecavanaugh.com.

Anese: TheycandoContagiousCulture.

Dave: There’sacontagiousculture.com?

Anese: Theycangettheretoothatway.contagiousculture.comisreallyeasytogettoaswell.

Dave: Thereyougo.It’seasiertoremember.Allofthemaregoingtoleadtoyourworkandyourbookisaworthwhileread.IreallythinksowhichiswhyIinviteyoubackontheshow.

Anese: Thankyou.

Dave: Thanksforbeinghere.

Anese: Thankyouforhavingmeonagain.Thankyouforreadingit.Didyoureadtheacknowledgements?

Dave: Ididnotreadtheacknowledgements.ShouldIhave?

Anese: OhmygoshDave,howdidnotreadtheacknowledgements?Reallyquicktheacknowledgementsectiontheoriginaldraftwas4000words.

Dave: That’salotofgratituderightthere.

Anese: Iknow.Isentittotheeditorandtheysaidthatyoucannothavea4000wordsacknowledgementYoucan’thavethat.Ihadtocutitdownwith1000whichwashonestlyalmostthehardestthingtodointhatentirebook.Thatwaspainfulformetobecuttingstuffoutbutyou’reinthereandyoushouldseeit.

Dave: IwillnowthatIknow.

Anese: Yourcoffeewastheco-authorofthebook.Ican’tbelieveyoudidn’tlookatthat.

Dave: WowI’mamazed.ThankyouAnese.

Anese: You’rewelcome.

Dave: Totallydid.ItendtoskipthatbecauseI’mlikeI’mjustgoingtoreadthe

Anese: That’ssobad.Yougottoreadtheback.

Dave: Iwillreadit.

Anese: Thankyou.

Dave: Thankyou.

Anese: Thanksforhavingmeonagain.Thanks.

Dave: Bye.

Anese: Bye.

Dave: Ifyouliketoday’sshowyouknowwhattodo.Headonouttheretoiep.ioandcheckoutAnese’sworkbecauseitsgoodstuff.Youcouldalsoheadonovertobulletproofexec.com/youtubeandjustclicksubscribeorfollowandIwillgiveyoulotsofgoodstuffonYouTubethatyou’renotgoingtogetjustonthepodcast.It’sworthhavinginbothways.Ifyouwerewatchingtoday,youwouldbeseeingmyincrediblycoolrockstarsunglasses.IlookonlyalittlebitlikeTrontodayandyouwouldhaveseenmycoollavenderball.Haveanawesomeday.Bye!

Transcript of “301 with Anese Cavanugh” · Bulletproof Radio Podcast #301, Anese Cavanaugh 4...

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