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CLARISSAHARLOWE
orthe
HISTORYOFAYOUNGLADY
NineVolumesVolumeVI.
CONTENTSOFVOLUMEVI
LETTERI.II.LovelacetoBelford.--HisconditionalpromisetoTomlinsoninthelady'sfavour.Hispleasandargumentsontheirpresentsituation,andonhisdarlingandhitherto-baffledviews.Hiswhimsicalcontestwithhisconscience.Hislatestadieutoit.Hisstrangelevity,whichhecallsgravity,onthedeathofBelford'suncle.
LETTERIII.IV.Fromthesame.--Shefavourshimwithameetinginthegarden.Hercomposure.Herconversationgreatandnoble.Butwillnotdetermineanythinginhis
favour.Itishoweverevident,hesays,thatshehasstillsometendernessforhim.Hisreasons.Anaffectingscenebetweenthem.Heringenuousnessandopennessofheart.Sheresolvestogotochurch;butwillnotsufferhimtoaccompanyherthither.HiswhimsicaldebatewiththeGodofLove,whomheintroducedaspleadingforthelady.
LETTERV.VI.VII.Fromthesame.--Hehasgotthewished-forletterfromMissHowe.--Informshimofthemannerofobtainingit.--Hisremarksuponit.Observationsonfemalefriendships.ComparisonbetweenClarissaandMissHowe.
LETTERVIII.Fromthesame.--Anotherconversationwiththelady.Hisplausibleargumentstore-obtain
herfavourineffectual.Hispridepiqued.Hisrevengeincited.Newargumentsinfavourofhiswickedprospects.Hisnoticethatalicenseisactuallyobtained.
LETTERIX.X.Fromthesame.--Copyofthelicense;withhisobservationsuponit.Hisschemeforannualmarriages.HeispreparingwithLadyBettyandMissMontaguetowaituponClarissa.Whothesepretendedladiesare.Howdressed.Theygivethemselvesairsofquality.Humourouslyinstructsthemhowtoactuptheirassumedcharacters.
LETTERXI.XII.LovelacetoBelford.--Oncemoreisthecharmerofhissoulinheroldlodgings.Briefaccount
ofthehorridimposture.Steelshisheartbyrevengefulrecollections.Heragonizingapprehensions.Temporarydistraction.Isreadytofallintofits.Butallherdistress,allherprayers,herinnocence,hervirtue,cannotsaveherfromthemostvillanousoutrage.
LETTERXIII.BelfordtoLovelace.--Vehementlyinveighsagainsthim.Grievesforthelady.Isnowconvincedthattheremustbeaworldafterthistodojusticetoinjuredmerit.Beseecheshim,ifhebeaman,andnotadevil,todoallthepoorjusticenowinhispower.
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LETTERXIV.LovelacetoBelford.--Regretsthatheeverattemptedher.Aimsatextenuation.Doeshenotseethathehasjourneyedontothisstage,withonedeterminedpointinviewfromthefirst?Sheisatpresentstupified,hesays.
LETTERXV.Fromthesame.--Thelady'saffectingbehaviourinherdelirium.Heownsthatarthasbeenusedtoher.Beginstofeelremorse.
LETTERXVI.Fromthesame.--Theladywritesuponscrapsofpaper,whichshetears,andthrowsunderthetable.Copiesoftenoftheseramblingpapers;andofalettertohimmostaffectinglyincoherent.Heattemptsfarthertoextenuatehisvillany.Triestoresumehisusuallevity;andformsaschemetodecoythepeopleatHampsteadtotheinfamouswoman'sintown.Theladyseemstoberecovering.
LETTERXVII.Fromthesame.--Sheattemptstogetawayinhisabsence.IspreventedbytheodiousSinclair.Heexultsinthehopeoflookingherintoconfusionwhenheseesher.IstoldbyDorcasthatsheiscomingintothedining-roomtofindhimout.
LETTERXVIII.Fromthesame.--Ahighsceneofherexalted,andofhisdepressed,behaviour.Offerstomakeheramendsbymatrimony.Shetreatshisofferwithcontempt.AfraidBelfordplayshimfalse.
LETTERXIX.Fromthesame.--Wisheshehadneverseenher.Withallthewomenhehadknowntillnow,itwasoncesubdued,andalwayssubdued.Hismiserabledejection.Hisremorse.Sheattemptstoescape.Amobraised.Hisquickinventiontopacifyit.Outofconceitwithhimselfandhiscontrivances.
LETTERXX.XXI.LovelacetoBelford.--LordM.veryill.HispresencenecessaryatM.Hall.PutsDorcasupon
ingratiatingherselfwithherlady.--Here-urgesmarriagetoher.Sheabsolutely,fromthemostnoblemotives,rejectshim.
LETTERXXII.Fromthesame.--Reflectsuponhimself.Itcosts,hesays,morepaintobewickedthantobegood.Thelady'ssolemnexpostulationwithhim.Extolshergreatnessofsoul.Dorcascomingintofavourwithher.Heisalarmedbyanotherattemptoftheladytogetoff.Sheisinagoniesatbeingprevented.Hetriedtointimidateher.Dorcaspleadsforher.Onthepointofdrawinghisswordagainsthimself.Theoccasion.
LETTERXXIII.Fromthesame.--Cannotyetpersuadehimselfbuttheladywillbehis.Reasonsforhis
opinion.OpenshishearttoBelford,astohisintentionsbyher.Mortifiedthatsherefuseshishonestvows.Herviolationbutnotional.Hertriumphgreaterthanhersufferings.Herwillunviolated.Heisabetterman,hesays,thanmostrakes;andwhy.
LETTERXXIV.XXV.Fromthesame.--TheladygivesapromissorynotetoDorcas,toinducehertofurtherherescape.--Afairtrialofskillnow,hesays.AconversationbetweenthevileDorcasandherlady:inwhichsheengagesherlady'spity.Thebondsofwickednessstrongerthanthetiesofvirtue.Observationson
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thatsubject.
LETTERXXVI.XXVII.XXVIII.Fromthesame.--Anewcontrivancetoadvantageofthelady'sintendedescape.--AletterfromTomlinson.Intentofit.--Hegoesouttogiveopportunityfortheladytoattemptanescape.Hisdesignsfrustrated.
LETTERXXIX.Fromthesame.--Aninterestingconversationbetweentheladyandhim.Noconcessioninhisfavour.Byhissoul,heswears,thisdeargirlgivesthelietoalltheirrakishmaxims.Hehaslaidallthesexunderobligationtohim;andwhy.
LETTERXXX.LovelacetoBelford.--LordM.inextremedanger.Thefamilydesirehispresence.HeinterceptsasevereletterfromMissHowetoherfriend.Copyofit.
LETTERXXXI.Fromthesame.--Thelady,suspectingDorcas,triestoprevailuponhimtogiveherherliberty.Shedisclaimsvengeance,andaffectinglytellshimallherfutureviews.Denied,sheoncemoreattemptsanescape.Prevented,andterrifiedwithapprehensionsofinstantdishonour,sheisobligedtomakesomeconcession.
LETTERXXXII.Fromthesame.--Accusesherofexplainingawayherconcession.Madedesperate,heseeksoccasiontoquarrelwithher.Sheexertsaspiritwhichoveraweshim.Heisridiculedbytheinfamouscopartnership.CallstoBelfordtohelpagayhearttoalittleofhisdismal,ontheexpecteddeathofLordM.
LETTERXXXIII.Fromthesame.--AnothermessagefromM.Hall,toengagehimtogodownthenextmorning.
LETTERXXXIV.XXXV.Fromthesame.--Thewomen'sinstigations.Hisfartherschemesagainstthelady.What,heasks,istheinjurywhichachurch-ritewillnotatanytimerepair?
LETTERXXXVI.Fromthesame.--Himself,themother,hernymphs,allassembledwithintenttoexecutehisdetestablepurposes.Hergloriousbehaviourontheoccasion.Heexecrates,detests,despiseshimself;andadmireshermorethanever.ObligedtosetoutearlythatmorningforM.Hall,hewillpressherwithletterstomeethimnextThursday,heruncle'sbirthday,atthealtar.
LETTERXXXVII.XXXVIII.XXXIX.LovelacetoClarissa,fromM.Hall.--Urgingheraccordingly,(thelicenseinherhands,)bythemostengagingpleasandarguments.
LETTERXL.LovelacetoBelford.--Begshewillwaitonthelady,andinducehertowritebutfourwordsto
him,signifyingthechurchandtheday.Isnowresolvedonwedlock.Curseshisplotsandcontrivances;whichallend,hesays,inonegrandplotuponhimself.
LETTERXLI.BelfordtoLovelace.Inanswer.--Refusestoundertakeforhim,unlesshecanbesureofhishonour.Whyhedoubtsit.
LETTERXLII.Lovelace.Inreply.--Curseshimforscrupulousness.Isinearnesttomarry.Afteronemore
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letterofentreatytoher,ifshekeepsullensilence,shemusttaketheconsequence.
LETTERXLIII.LovelacetoClarissa.--Oncemoreearnestlyentreatshertomeethimatthealtar.Nottobeforbiddencoming,hewilltakeforleavetocome.
LETTERXLIV.LovelacetoPatrickM'Donald.--Orderinghimtovisitthelady,andinstructinghimwhattosay,andhowtobehavetoher.
LETTERXLV.Tothesame,asCaptainTomlinson.--Calculatedtobeshowntothelady,asinconfidence.
LETTERXLVI.M'DonaldtoLovelace.--Goestoattendtheladyaccordingtodirection.Findsthehouseinanuproar;andtheladyescaped.
LETTERXLVII.MowbraytoLovelace.--Withthesamenews.
LETTERXLVIII.BelfordtoLovelace.--Ampleparticularsofthelady'sescape.Makesseriousreflectionsonthedistressshemustbein;andonhis(Lovelace's)ungratefulusageofher.
Whathetakesthesumofreligion.LETTERXLIX.LovelacetoBelford.--Runsintoaffectedlevityandridicule,yetatlastownsallhisgayetybutcounterfeit.Regretshisbasenesstothelady.Inveighsagainstthewomenfortheirinstigations.Willstillmarryher,ifshecanbefoundout.Onemisfortuneseldomcomesalone;LordM.isrecovering.Hehadbespokenmourningforhim.
LETTERL.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Writeswithincoherence,toinquireafterherhealth.Letsherknowwhithertodirecttoher.Butforgets,inherrambling,herprivateaddress.BywhichmeansherletterfallsintothehandsofMissHowe's
mother.
LETTERLI.Mrs.HowetoClarissa.--Reproachesherformakingallherfriendsunhappy.Forbidshertowriteanymoretoherdaughter.
LETTERLII.Clarissa'smeekreply.
LETTERLIII.ClarissatoHannahBurton.
LETTERLIV.HannahBurton.Inanswer.
LETTERLV.ClarissatoMissNorton.--
Excusesherlongsilence.Asksheraquestion,withaviewtodetectLovelace.Hintsathisungratefulvillany.Self-recrimination.
LETTERLVI.Mrs.NortontoClarissa.--Answersherquestion.InveighsagainstLovelace.Hopesshehasescapedwithherhonour.Consolesherbyabriefrelationofherowncase,andfrommotivestrulypious.
LETTERLVII.ClarissatoLadyBettyLawrance.--Requestsananswertothreequestions,withaviewfarthertodetect
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Lovelace.
LETTERLVIII.LadyBettytoClarissa.--Answersherquestions.Inthekindestmannerofferstomediatebetweenhernephewandher.
LETTERLIX.LX.ClarissatoMrs.Hodges,heruncleHarlowe'shousekeeper;withaviewofstillfartherdetectingLovelace.---Mrs.Hodges'sanswer.
LETTERLXI.ClarissatoLadyBettyLawrance.--Acquaintsherwithhernephew'sbaseness.Charitablywisheshisreformation;bututterly,andfromprinciple,rejectshim.
LETTERLXII.ClarissatoMrs.Norton.--Iscomfortedbyherkindsoothings.Wishesshehadbeenherchild.Willnotallowhertocomeuptoher;why.Someaccountofthepeoplesheiswith;andofaworthywoman,Mrs.Lovick,wholodgesinthehouse.BrieflyhintstoherthevileusageshehasreceivedfromLovelace.
LETTERLXIII.Mrs.NortontoClarissa.--InveighsagainstLovelace.WishesMissHowemightbeinducedtorefrainfromfreedomsthatdohurt,andcandonogood.Fartherpiouslyconsolesher.
LETTERLXIV.ClarissatoMrs.Norton.--Anewtrouble.AnangryletterfromMissHowe.Theoccasion.Herheartisbroken.Shallbeuneasy,tillshecangetherfather'scurserevoked.Castsabouttowhomshecanapplyforthispurpose.Atlastresolvestowritetohersistertobeghermediation.
LETTERLXV.MissHowetoClarissa.--Herangryandreproachfulletterabove-mentioned;demandsfromhertheclearingupofherconduct.
LETTERLXVI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Gentlyremonstratesuponherseverity.Tothishourknowsnotallthe
methodstakentodeceiveandruinher.Butwillbriefly,yetcircumstantially,enterintothedarkerpartofhersadstory,thoughherheartsinksunderthethoughtsofarecollectionsopainful.
LETTERLXVII.LXVIII.LXIX.LXX.Fromthesame.--Shegivesthepromisedparticularsofherstory.Begsthattheblackestpartsofitmaybekeptsecret;andwhy.Desiresonefriendlytear,andnomore,maybedroptfromhergentleeye,onthehappydaythatshallshutupallhersorrows.
LETTERLXXI.LXXII.MissHowetoClarissa.--Execratestheabandonedprofligate.Shemust,shetellsher,looktotheworldbeyondthisforherreward.UnravelssomeofLovelace'splots;and
detectshisforgeries.IsapprehensiveforherownaswellasClarissa'ssafety.Adviseshertopursuealegalvengeance.LaudablecustomintheIsleofMan.Offerspersonallytoattendherinacourtofjustice.
LETTERLXXIII.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Cannotconsenttoaprosecution.DiscoverswhoitwasthatpersonatedheratHampstead.Sheisquitesickoflife,andofanearthinwhichinnocentandbenevolentspiritsaresuretobeconsideredasaliens.
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THEHISTORY
OF
CLARISSAHARLOWE
LETTERI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SAT.MIDNIGHT.
Norest,saysatextthatIonceheardpreachedupon,tothewicked--andIcannotclosemyeyes(yetonlywantedtocompoundforhalfanhourinanelbow-chair)--somustscribbleon.
IpartedwiththeCaptainafteranotherstrongdebatewithhiminrelationtowhatistobethefateofthislady.Asthefellowhasanexcellenthead,andwouldhavemadeaneminentfigureinanystationoflife,hadnothisearlydaysbeentaintedwithadeepcrime,andhe
detectedinit;andashehadtherightsideoftheargument;Ihadagooddealofdifficultywithhim;andatlastbroughtmyselftopromise,thatifIcouldprevailuponhergenerouslytoforgiveme,andtoreinstatemeinherfavour,Iwouldmakeitmywholeendeavourtogetoffofmycontrivances,ashappilyasIcould;(onlythatLadyBettyandCharlottemustcome;)andthensubstitutinghimforheruncle'sproxy,takeshametomyself,andmarry.
ButifIshould,Jack,(withthestrongestantipathytothestatethatevermanhad,)whatafigureshallImakeinrakishannals?AndcanIhavetakenallthispainsfornothing?Orforawifeonly,that,howeverexcellent,[andanywoman,doIthinkIcouldmakegood,becauseIcouldmakeanywomanfearaswellasloveme,]mighthavebeenobtainedwithout
theplagueIhavebeenat,andmuchmorereputablythanwithit?Andhastthounotseen,thatthishaughtywoman[forgivemethatIcallherhaughty!andawoman!Yetisshenothaughty?]knowsnothowtoforgivewithgraciousness?Indeedhasnotatallforgivenme?Butholdsmysoulinasuspensewhichhasbeensogrievoustoherown.
Atthissilentmoment,Ithink,thatifIweretopursuemyformerscheme,andresolvetotrywhetherIcannotmakeagreaterfaultserveasaspongetowipeouttheless;andthenbeforgivenforthat;Icanjustifymyselftomyself;andthat,asthefairinvinciblewouldsay,isallinall.
Asitismyintention,inallmyreflections,toavoidrepeating,at
leastdwellingupon,whatIhavebeforewrittentothee,thoughthestateofthecasemaynothavevaried;soIwouldhavetheetore-considertheoldreasonings(particularlythosecontainedinmyanswertothylast*expostulatorynonsense);andaddthenewastheyfallfrommypen;andthenIshallthinkmyselfinvincible;--atleast,asarguingraketorake.
*SeeVol.V.LetterXIV.
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Itakethegainingofthisladytobeessentialtomyhappiness:andisitnotnaturalforallmentoaimatobtainingwhatevertheythinkwillmakethemhappy,betheobjectmoreorlessconsiderableintheeyesofothers?
Astothemannerofendeavouringtoobtainher,byfalsificationofoaths,vows,andthelike--donotthepoetsoftwothousandyearsandupwardstellus,thatJupiterlaughsattheperjuriesoflovers?Andletmeadd,towhatIhaveheretoforementionedonthathead,aquestionortwo.
Donotthemothers,theaunts,thegrandmothers,thegovernessesoftheprettyinnocents,always,fromtheirverycradlestoriperyears,preachtothemthedeceitfulnessofmen?--Thattheyarenottoregardtheiroaths,vows,promises?--Whataparceloffibberswouldallthesereverendmatronsbe,iftherewerenotnowandthenaprettycredulousroguetakeninforajustificationoftheirpreachments,andtoserveasabeaconlightedupforthebenefitoftherest?
Dowenotthensee,thatanhonestprowlingfellowisanecessaryevilonmanyaccounts?Dowenotseethatitishighlyrequisitethatasweetgirlshouldbenow-and-thendrawnasidebyhim?--Andthemoreeminentthegirl,inthegracesofperson,mind,andfortune,isnottheexamplelikelytobethemoreefficacious?
Ifthesepostulatabegrantedme,who,Ipray,canequalmycharmerinallthese?Whothereforesofitforanexampletotherestofhersex?--Atworst,IamentirelywithinmyworthyfriendMandeville'sassertion,thatprivatevicesarepublicbenefits.
Well,then,ifthissweetcreaturemustfall,asitiscalled,forthebenefitofalltheprettyfoolsofthesex,shemust;andthere'sanendofthematter.Andwhatwouldtherehavebeeninitofuncommonorrare,hadInotbeensolongaboutit?--AndsoIdismissallfurtherargumentationanddebateuponthequestion:andIimposeuponthee,whenthouwritesttome,aneternalsilenceonthishead.
Wafer'don,asanafter-writtenintroductiontotheparagraphswhichfollow,markedwithturnedcommas,[thus,']:
Lord,Jack,whatshallIdonow!Howoneevilbringsonanother!Dreadfulnewstotellthee!WhileIwasmeditatingasimplerobbery,herehaveI(inmyowndefenceindeed)beenguiltyofmurder!--Abl--ymurder!SoIbelieveitwillprove.Atherlastgasp!--Poorimpertinentopposer!--Eternallyresisting!--Eternallycontradicting!Thereshelieswelteringinherblood!herdeath'swoundhaveIgivenher!--Butshewasathief,animpostor,aswellasatormentor.Shehadstolenmypen.WhileIwassullenlymeditating,doubting,astomyfuturemeasures,shestoleit;andthusshewrotewithitinahandexactlylikemyown;and
wouldhavefacedmedown,thatitwasreallymyownhand-writing.
'Butletmereflectbeforeitistoolate.Onthemanifoldperfectionsofthisever-amiablecreatureletmereflect.Thehandyetisonlyheldup.Theblowisnotstruck.MissHowe'snextlettermayblowtheeup.Inpolicythoushouldestbenowatleasthonest.Thoucanstnotlivewithouther.Thouwouldestrathermarryherthanloseherabsolutely.Thoumayestundoubtedlyprevailuponher,inflexibleassheseemstobe,formarriage.Butifnowshefindstheeavillain,thoumayestnevermoreengageherattention,andsheperhapswillrefuseandabhorthee.
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'YetalreadyhaveInotgonetoofar?Likearepentantthief,afraidofhisgang,andobligedtogoon,infearofhangingtillhecomestobehanged,Iamafraidofthegangofmycursedcontrivances.
'AsIhopetolive,Iamsorry,(atthepresentwriting,)thatIhavebeensuchafoolishplotter,astoputit,asIfearIhavedone,outofmyownpowertobehonest.Ihatecompulsioninallforms;andcannotbear,eventobecompelledtobethewretchmychoicehasmademe!Sonow,Belford,asthouhastsaid,Iamamachineatlast,andnofreeagent.
'Uponmysoul,Jack,itisaveryfoolishthingforamanofspirittohavebroughthimselftosuchaheightofiniquity,thathemustproceed,andcannothelphimself,andyettobenexttocertain,thatthisveryvictorywillundohim.
'Whywassuchawomanasthisthrownintomyway,whoseveryfallwillbeherglory,and,perhaps,notonlymyshamebutmydestruction?
'Whatahappinessmustthatmanknow,whomovesregularlytosomelaudableend,andhasnothingtoreproachhimselfwithinhisprogresstodoit!When,byhonestmeans,heattainshisend,howgreatandunmixedmustbehisenjoyments!Whatahappyman,inthisparticular
case,hadIbeen,haditbeengivenmetobeonlywhatIwishedtoappeartobe!'
Thusfarhadmyconsciencewrittenwithmypen;andseewhatarecreantshehadmadeofme!--Iseizedherbythethroat--There!--There,saidI,thouvileimpertinent!--takethat,andthat!--HowoftenhaveIgavetheewarning!--andnow,Ihope,thouintrudingvarletess,haveIdonethybusiness!
Pulingandlow-voiced,rearingupthydetestedhead,invainimplorestthoumymercy,who,inthydayhastshowedmesolittle!--Takethat,forarisingblow!--Andnowwillthypain,andmypainforthee,soonbeover.Liethere!--Welteron!--HadInotgiventheethydeath'swound,
thouwouldesthaverobbedmeofallmyjoys.Thoucouldestnothavemendedme,'tisplain.Thoucouldestonlyhavethrownmeintodespair.Didstthounotsee,thatIhadgonetoofartorecede?--Welteron,oncemoreIbidthee!--Gaspon!--Thatthylastgasp,surely!--Howharddiestthou!
ADIEU!--Unhappyman!ADIEU!
'Tiskindinthee,however,tobidme,Adieu!
Adieu,Adieu,Adieu,tothee,Othouinflexible,and,tillnow,unconquerablebosomintruder!--Adieutotheeforever!
LETTERII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYMORN.(JUNE11).FOURO'CLOCK.
Afewwordstotheverbalinformationthousentestmelastnightconcerningthypooroldman;andthenIrisefrommyseat,shakemyself,
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refresh,new-dress,andsotomycharmer,whom,notwithstandingherreserves,IhopetoprevailupontowalkoutwithmeontheHeaththiswarmandfinemorning.
Thebirdsmusthaveawakenedherbeforenow.Theyareinfullsong.Shealwaysgloriedinaccustomingherselftobeholdthesunrise--oneofGod'snaturalwonders,asonceshecalledit.
Herwindowsalutestheeast.Thevalleysmustbegildedbyhisrays,bythetimeIamwithher;foralreadyhavetheymadetheup-landssmile,andthefaceofnaturecheerful.
HowunsuitablewillthoufindthisgayprefacetoasubjectsogloomyasthatIamnowturningto!
Iamgladtohearthytediousexpectationsareatlastanswered.
Thyservanttellsmethatthouareplaguilygrievedattheoldfellow'sdeparture.
Ican'tsay,butthoumayestlookasifthouwert;harassedasthouhastbeenforanumberofdaysandnightswithacloseattendanceuponadyingman,beholdinghisdrawing-onhour--pretending,fordecency'ssake,towhineoverhisexcruciatingpangs;tobeinthewaytoanswerathousand
impertinentinquiriesafterthehealthofamanthouwishedesttodie--topraybyhim--forsooncethouwrotesttome!--Toreadbyhim--tobeforcedtojoininconsultationwithacrewofsolemnandparadingdoctors,andtheirofficiouszanies,theapothecaries,joinedwiththebutcherlytribeofscarficators;allcombinedtocarryonthephysicalfarce,andtocutoutthongsbothfromhisfleshandhisestate--tohavethesuperaddedapprehensionofdividingthyinterestinwhatheshallleavewithacrewofeager-hoping,never-to-be-satisfiedrelations,legatees,andthedevilknowswho,ofprivategratifiersofpassionslaudableandillaudable--inthesecircumstances,Iwondernotthatthoulookestbeforeservants,(aslittlegrievedasthouafterheirship,)asifthouindeedwertgrieved;andasifthemostwry-fac'dwoehadbefallenthee.
Then,asIhaveoftenthought,thereflectionthatmustnaturallyarisefromsuchmortifyingobjects,asthedeathofonewithwhomwehavebeenfamiliar,mustafford,whenweareobligedtoattenditinitsslowapproaches,andinitsface-twistingpangs,thatitwillonedaybeourowncase,goesagreatwaytocredittheappearanceofgrief.
Andthatitisthis,seriouslyreflectedupon,maytemporallygiveafineairofsinceritytothewailingsoflivelywidows,heart-exultingheirs,andresiduarylegateesofalldenominations;since,bykeepingdowntheinwardjoy,thoseinterestingreflectionsmustsaddentheaspect,andaddanappearanceofrealconcerntotheassumedsables.
Well,but,nowthouartcometotherewardofallthywatchings,anxieties,andcloseattendances,tellmewhatitis;tellmeifitcompensatethytrouble,andanswerthyhope?
Astomyself,thouseest,bythegravityofmystyle,howthesubjecthashelpedtomortifyme.ButthenecessityIamunderofcommittingeitherspeedymatrimony,orarape,hassaddenedovermygayerprospects,and,morethanthecaseitself,contributedtomakemesympathizewiththepresentjoyful-sorrow.
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Adieu,Jack,Imustbesoonoutofmypain;andmyClarissashallbesoonoutofher's--forsodoesthearduousnessofthecaserequire.
LETTERIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYMORNING.
Ihavehadthehonourofmycharmer'scompanyfortwocompletehours.WemetbeforesixinMrs.Moore'sgarden.AwalkontheHeathrefusedme.
Thesedatenessofheraspectandherkindcomplianceinthismeetinggavemehopes.AndallthateithertheCaptainandIhadurgedyesterdaytoobtainafullandfreepardon,thatre-urgedI;andItoldher,besides,thatCaptainTomlinsonwasgonedownwithhopestoprevailuponheruncleHarlowetocomeupinperson,inordertopresenttomethegreatestblessingthatmaneverreceived.
ButtheutmostIcouldobtainwas,thatshewouldtakenoresolutioninmyfavourtillshereceivedMissHowe'snextletter.
IwillnotrepeattheargumentsIused;butIwillgivetheethesubstanceofwhatshesaidinanswertothem.
Shehadconsideredofeverything,shetoldme.Mywholeconductwasbeforeher.ThehouseIcarriedhertomustbeavilehouse.Thepeopleearlyshowedwhattheywerecapableof,intheearnestattemptmadetofastenMissPartingtonuponher;asshedoubtednot,withmyapprobation.[Surely,thoughtI,shehasnotreceivedaduplicateofMissHowe'sletterofdetection!]Theyheardhercries.Myinsultwasundoubtedlypremeditated.Bymywholerecollectedbehaviourtoher,previoustoit,itmustbeso.Ihadthevilestofviews,noquestion.Andmytreatmentofherputitoutofalldoubt.
Souloverall,Belford!Sheseemssensibleoflibertiesthatmypassionmademeinsensibleofhavingtaken,orshecouldnotsodeeplyresent.
Shebesoughtmetogiveoverallthoughtsofher.Sometimes,shesaid,shethoughtherselfcruellytreatedbyhernearestanddearestrelations;atsuchtimes,aspiritofrepiningandevenofresentmenttookplace;andthereconciliation,atothertimessodesirable,wasnotthensomuchthefavouritewishofherheart,aswastheschemeshehadformerlyplanned--oftakinghergoodNortonforherdirectressandguide,andlivinguponherownestateinthemannerhergrandfatherhadintendedsheshouldlive.
ThisschemeshedoubtednotthathercousinMorden,whowasoneofher
trusteesforthatestate,wouldenableher,(andthat,asshehoped,withoutlitigation,)topursue.Andifhecan,anddoes,what,Sir,letmeaskyou,saidshe,haveIseeninyourconduct,thatshouldmakemeprefertoitanunionofinterest,wherethereissuchadisunioninminds?
Sothouseest,Jack,thereisreason,aswellasresentment,inthepreferenceshemakesagainstme!--Thouseest,thatshepresumestothinkthatshecanbehappywithoutme;andthatshemustbeunhappywithme!
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Ihadbesoughther,intheconclusionofmyre-urgedarguments,towritetoMissHowebeforeMissHowe'sanswercouldcome,inordertolaybeforeherthepresentstateofthings;andifshewouldpayadeferencetoherjudgment,toletherhaveanopportunitytogiveit,onthefullknowledgeofthecase--
SoIwould,Mr.Lovelace,wastheanswer,ifIwereindoubtmyself,whichIwouldprefer--marriage,ortheschemeIhavementioned.Youcannotthink,Sir,butthelattermustbemychoice.Iwishtopartwithyouwithtemper--don'tputmeuponrepeating--
Partwithme,Madam!interruptedI--Icannotbearthosewords!--Butletmebeseechyou,however,towritetoMissHowe.Ihope,ifMissHoweisnotmyenemy--
Sheisnottheenemyofyourperson,Sir;--asyouwouldbeconvinced,ifyousawherlastletter*tome.Butwereshenotanenemytoyouractions,shewouldnotbemyfriend,northefriendofvirtue.Whywillyouprovokefromme,Mr.Lovelace,theharshnessofexpression,which,however,which,howeverdeservedbyyou,Iamunwillingjustnowtouse,havingsufferedenoughinthetwopastdaysfrommyownvehemence?
*TheladyinnocentlymeansMr.Lovelace'sforgedone.SeeVol.V.
LetterXXX.
Ibitmylipforvexation.Andwassilent.
MissHowe,proceededshe,knowsthefullstateofmattersalready,Sir.TheanswerIexpectfromherrespectsmyself,notyou.Herheartistoowarminthecauseoffriendship,toleavemeinsuspenseonemomentlongerthanisnecessaryastowhatIwanttoknow.Nordoesheranswerabsolutelydependuponherself.Shemustseeapersonfirst,andthatpersonperhapsseeothers.
Thecursedsmuggler-woman,Jack!--MissHowe'sTownsend,Idoubtnot--
Plot,contrivance,intrigue,stratagem!--Underground-molesthesewomen--butlettheearthcoverme!--letmebeamoletoo,thoughtI,iftheycarrytheirpoint!--andifthisladyescapemenow!
ShefranklyownedthatshehadoncethoughtofembarkingoutofallourwaysforsomeoneofourAmericancolonies.Butnowthatshehadbeencompelledtoseeme,(whichhadbeenhergreatestdread),andwhichshemightbehappiestintheresumptionofherformerfavouritescheme,ifMissHowecouldfindherareputableandprivateasylum,tillhercousinMordencouldcome.--Butifhecamenotsoon,andifshehadadifficultytogettoaplaceofrefuge,whetherfromherbrotherorfromanybodyelse,[meaningme,Isuppose,]shemightyetperhapsgoabroad;for,tosaythetruth,shecouldnotthinkofreturningtoherfather'shouse,
sinceherbrother'srage,hersister'supbraidings,herfather'sanger,hermother'sstill-more-affectingsorrowings,andherownconsciousnessunderthemall,wouldbeunsupportabletoher.
OJack!Iamsicktodeath,Ipine,Idie,forMissHowe'snextletter!Iwouldbind,gag,strip,rob,anddoanythingbutmurder,tointerceptit.
But,determinedassheseemstobe,itwasevidenttome,nevertheless,thatshehadstillsometendernessforme.
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Sheoftenweptasshetalked,andmuchoftenersighed.Shelookedatmetwicewithaneyeofundoubtedgentleness,andthreetimeswithaneyetendingtocompassionandsoftness;butitsbenignrayswereasoftensnatchedback,asImaysay,andherfaceaverted,asifhersweeteyeswerenottobetrusted,andcouldnotstandagainstmyeagereyes;seeking,astheydid,foralostheartinher's,andendeavouringtopenetratetoherverysoul.
MorethanonceItookherhand.Shestrugglednotmuchagainstthefreedom.Ipresseditoncewithmylips--shewasnotveryangry.Afrownindeed--butafrownthathadmoredistressinitthanindignation.
Howcamethedearsoul,(clothedasitiswithsuchasilkenvesture,)byallitssteadiness?*Wasitnecessarythattheactivegloomofsuchatyrantofafather,shouldcommixwithsuchapassivesweetnessofawill-lessmother,toproduceaconstancy,anequanimity,asteadiness,inthedaughter,whichneverwomanbeforecouldboastof?Ifso,sheismoreobligedtothatdespoticfatherthanIcouldhaveimaginedacreaturetobe,whogavedistinctiontoeveryonerelatedtoherbeyondwhatthecrownitselfcanconfer.
*SeeVol.I.LettersIX.XIV.andXIX.forwhatsheherselfsaysonthat
steadinesswhichMr.Lovelace,thoughadeservedsuffererbyit,cannothelpadmiring.
Ihoped,Isaid,thatshewouldadmitoftheintendedvisit,whichIhadsooftenmentioned,ofthetwoladies.
Shewashere.Shehadseenme.Shecouldnothelpherselfatpresent.Sheevenhadthehighestregardfortheladiesofmyfamily,becauseoftheirworthycharacters.Theresheturnedawayhersweetface,andvanquishedanhalf-risensigh.
Ikneeledtoherthen.Itwasuponaverdantcushion;forwewereupon
thegrasswalk.Icaughtherhand.Ibesoughtherwithanearnestnessthatcalledup,asIcouldfeel,myhearttomyeyes,tomakeme,byherforgivenessandexample,moreworthyofthem,andofherownkindandgenerouswishes.Bymysoul,Madam,saidI,youstabmewithyourgoodness--yourundeservedgoodness!andIcannotbearit!
Why,why,thoughtI,asIdidseveraltimesinthisconversation,willshenotgenerouslyforgiveme?WhywillshemakeitnecessaryformetobringLadyBettyandmycousintomyassistance?Canthefortressexpectthesameadvantageouscapitulation,whichyieldsnottothesummonsofaresistlessconqueror,asifitgavenotthetroubleofbringingupandraisingitsheavyartilleryagainstit?
Whatsensibilities,saidthedivinecreature,withdrawingherhand,mustthouhavesuppressed!Whatadreadful,whatajudicialhardnessofheartmustthinebe!whocanstbecapableofsuchemotions,assometimesthouhastshown;andofsuchsentiments,assometimeshaveflowedfromthylips;yetcansthavesofarovercomethemallastobeabletoactasthouhastacted,andthatfromsettledpurposeandpremeditation;andthis,asitissaid,throughoutthewholeofthylife,frominfancytothistime!
Itoldher,thatIhadhoped,fromthegenerousconcernshehadexpressed
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forme,whenIwassosuddenlyanddangerouslytakenill--[theipecacuanhaexperiment,Jack!]
Sheinterruptedme--Wellhaveyourewardedmefortheconcernyouspeakof!--However,Iwillfranklyown,nowthatIamdeterminedtothinknomoreofyou,thatyoumight,(unsatisfiedasIneverthelesswaswithyou,)havemadeaninterest--
Shepaused.Ibesoughthertoproceed.
Doyousuppose,Sir,andturnedawayhersweetfaceaswewalked,--DoyousupposethatIhadnotthoughtoflayingdownaplantogovernmyselfby,whenIfoundmyselfsounhappilyover-reachedandcheated,asImaysay,outofmyself--WhenIfound,thatIcouldnotbe,anddo,whatIwishedtobe,andtodo,doyouimaginethatIhadnotcastabout,whatwasthenextpropercoursetotake?--Anddoyoubelievethatthisnextcoursehasnotcausedmesomepaintobeobligedto--
Thereagainshestopt.
Butletusbreakoffdiscourse,resumedshe.Thesubjectgrowstoo--Shesighed--Letusbreakoffdiscourse--Iwillgoin--Iwillprepareforchurch--[Thedevil!thoughtI.]Well,asIcanappearinthoseevery-day-wornclothes--lookinguponherself--Iwillgotochurch.
Shethenturnedfrommetogointothehouse.
Blessme,mybelovedcreature,blessmewiththecontinuanceofthisaffectingconversation.--Remorsehasseizedmyheart!--Ihavebeenexcessivelywrong--givemefarthercausetocursemyheedlessfolly,bythecontinuanceofthiscalmbutsoul-penetratingconversation.
No,no,Mr.Lovelace:Ihavesaidtoomuch.Impatiencebeginstobreakinuponme.Ifyoucanexcusemetotheladies,itwillbebetterformymind'ssake,andforyourcredit'ssake,thatIdonotseethem.Callmetothemover-nice,petulant,prudish--whatyoupleasecallmetothem.NobodybutMissHowe,towhom,nexttotheAlmighty,andmyownmother,I
wishtostandacquittedofwilfulerror,shallknowthewholeofwhathaspassed.Behappy,asyoumay!--Deservetobehappy,andhappyyouwillbe,inyourownreflectionatleast,wereyoutobeeversounhappyinotherrespects.Formyself,ifIevershallbeenabled,onduereflection,tolookbackuponmyownconduct,withoutthegreatreproachofhavingwilfully,andagainstthelightofmyownjudgment,erred,IshallbemorehappythanifIhadallthattheworldaccountsdesirable.
Thenoblecreatureproceeded;forIcouldnotspeak.
Thisself-acquittal,whenspiritsarelentmetodispelthedarknesswhichatpresenttoooftenover-cloudsmymind,will,Ihope,makemesuperiortoallthecalamitiesthatcanbefalme.
Herwholepersonwasinformedbyhersentiments.Sheseemedtobetallerthanbefore.HowtheGodwithinherexaltedher,notonlyaboveme,butaboveherself!
Divinecreature!(asIthoughther,)Icalledher.Iacknowledgedthesuperiorityofhermind;andwasproceeding--butsheinterruptedme--Allhumanexcellence,saidshe,iscomparativeonly.Mymind,Ibelieve,isindeedsuperiortoyour's,debasedasyour'sisbyevilhabits:butIhadnotknownittobeso,ifyouhadnottakenpainstoconvincemeofthe
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inferiorityofyour's.
Howgreat,howsublimelygreat,thiscreature!--BymysoulIcannotforgiveherforhervirtues!Thereisnobearingtheconsciousnessoftheinfiniteinferiorityshechargedmewith.--Butwhywillshebreakfromme,whengoodresolutionsaretakingplace?Thered-hotironsherefusestostrike--Owhywillshesuffertheyieldingwaxtoharden?
Wehadgonebutafewpacestowardsthehouse,whenweweremetbytheimpertinentwomen,withnotice,thatbreakfastwasready.Icouldonly,withupliftedhands,beseechhertogivemehopeofarenewedconversationafterbreakfast.
No--shewouldgotochurch.
Andintothehouseshewent,andupstairsdirectly.Norwouldsheobligemewithhercompanyatthetea-table.
Ioffered,byMrs.Moore,toquitboththetableandtheparlour,ratherthansheshouldexcludeherself,ordeprivethetwowidowsofthefavourofhercompany.
Thatwasnotallthematter,shetoldMrs.Moore.Shehadbeenstrugglingtokeepdownhertemper.Ithadcosthersomepainstodoit.
Shewasdesiroustocomposeherself,inhopestoreceivebenefitbythedivineworshipshewasgoingtojoinin.
Mrs.Moorehopedforherpresenceatdinner.
Shehadratherbeexcused.Yet,ifshecouldobtaintheframeofmindshehopedfor,shemightnotbeaversetoshow,thatshehadgotabovethosesensibilities,whichgaveconsiderationtoamanwhodeservednottobetoherwhathehadbeen.
Thissaid,nodoubt,toletMrs.Mooreknow,thatthegarden-conversationhadnotbeenareconcilingone.
Mrs.Mooreseemedtowonderthatwewerenotuponabetterfootofunderstanding,aftersolongaconference;andthemore,asshebelievedthattheladyhadgivenintotheproposalfortherepetitionoftheceremony,whichIhadtoldthemwasinsisteduponbyheruncleHarlowe.--ButIaccountedforthis,bytellingbothwidowsthatshewasresolvedtokeeponthereservetillsheheardfromCaptainTomlinson,whetherherunclewouldbepresentinpersonatthesolemnity,orwouldnamethatworthygentlemanforhisproxy.
AgainIenjoinedstrictsecresy,astothisparticular;whichwaspromisedbythewidows,aswellasforthemselves,asforMissRawlins;ofwhosetaciturnitytheygavemesuchanaccount,asshowedme,thatshewassecret-keeper-generaltoallthewomenoffashionatHampstead.
TheLord,Jack!Whataworldofmischief,atthisrate,mustMissRawlinsknow!--WhataPandora'sboxmustherbosombe!--Yet,hadInothingthatwasmoreworthyofmyattentiontoregard,Iwouldengagetoopenit,andmakemyusesofthediscovery.
Andnow,Belford,thouperceivest,thatallmyrelianceisuponthemediationofLadyBettyandMissMontague,anduponthehopeofinterceptingMissHowe'snextletter.
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LETTERIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
ThisfairinexorableisactuallygonetochurchwithMrs.MooreandMrs.Bevis;butWill.closelyattendshermotions;andIaminthewaytoreceiveanyoccasionalintelligencefromhim.
Shedidnotchoose,[amightywordwiththesex!asiftheywerealwaystohavetheirownwills!]thatIshouldwaituponher.Ididnotmuchpressit,thatshemightnotapprehendthatIthoughtIhadreasontodoubthervoluntaryreturn.
IoncehaditinmyheadtohavefoundthewidowBevisotheremployment.AndIbelieveshewouldhavebeenaswellpleasedwithmycompanyastogotochurch;forsheseemedirresolutewhenItoldherthattwooutofafamilywereenoughtogotochurchforoneday.Buthavingherthingson,(asthewomencalleverything,)andherauntMooreexpectinghercompany,shethoughtitbesttogo--lestitshouldlookoddly,youknow,whisperedshe,toonewhowasaboveregardinghowitlooked.
SohereamIinmydining-room;andhavenothingtodobuttowritetilltheyreturn.
Andwhatwillbemysubjectthinkestthou?Why,theoldbeatenonetobesure;self-debate--throughtemporaryremorse:fortheblowbeingnotstruck,herguardianangelisredoublinghiseffortstosaveher.
Ifitbenotthat,[andyetwhatpowershouldherguardianangelhaveoverme?]Idon'tknowwhatitisthatgivesachecktomyrevenge,wheneverImeditatetreasonagainstsosovereignavirtue.Conscienceisdeadandgone,asItoldthee;soitcannotbethat.Ayoungconsciencegrowingup,likethephoenix,fromtheashesoftheoldone,itcannotbe,surely.Butifitwere,itwouldbehard,ifIcouldnotoverlaya
youngconscience.
Well,then,itmustbeLOVE,Ifancy.LOVEitself,inspiringloveofanobjectsoadorable--somelittleattentionpossiblypaidlikewisetothywhiningargumentsinherfavour.
LetLOVEthenbeallowedtobethemovingprinciple;andtherather,asLOVEnaturallymakestheloverlothtodisobligetheobjectofitsflame;andknowing,thattoanoffenceofthemeditatedkindwillbeamortaloffencetoher,cannotbearthatIshouldthinkofgivingit.
LetLOVEandmetalktogetheralittleonthissubject--beitayoungconscience,orlove,orthyself,Jack,thouseestthatIamforgiving
everywhiffleraudience.Butthismustbethelastdebateonthissubject;forisnotherfateinamanneratitscrisis?Andmustnotmynextstepbeanirretrievableone,tenditwhichwayitwill?
***
Andnowthedebateisover.
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Athousandcharmingthings,(forLOVEisgentlerthanCONSCIENCE,)hasthislittleurchinsuggestedinherfavour.Hepretendedtoknowbothourhearts:andhewouldhaveit,thatthoughmylovewasaprodigiousstrongandpotentlove;andthoughithasthemeritofmanymonths,faithfulservicetoplead,andhashadinfinitedifficultiestostrugglewith;yetthatitisnotTHERIGHTSORTOFLOVE.
Rightsortoflove!--Apuppy!--But,withdueregardtoyourdeityship,saidI,whatmeritshasshewithYOU,thatyoushouldbeofherparty?Isher's,Iprayyou,arightsortoflove?Isitloveatall?Shedon'tpretendthatitis.Sheownsnotyoursovereignty.Whatad---lImovesyou,topleadthusearnestlyforarebel,whodespisesyourpower?
AndthenhecamewithhisIf'sandAnd's--anditwouldhavebeen,andstill,ashebelieved,wouldbe,love,andaloveoftheexaltedkind,ifIwouldencourageitbytherightsortoflovehetalkedof:and,injustificationofhisopinion,pleadedherownconfessions,aswellthoseofyesterday,asofthismorning:andevenwentsofarbackastomyipecacuanhaillness.
Inevertalkedsofamiliarlywithhisgodshipbefore:thoumayestthink,therefore,thathisdialectsoundedoddlyinmyears.Andthenhetoldme,howoftenIhadthrowncoldwateruponthemostcharmingflamethat
everwarmedalady'sbosom,whilebutyoungandrising.Irequiredadefinitionofthisrightsortoflove,hetriedatit:butmadeasorryhandofit:norcouldI,forthesoulofme,beconvinced,thatwhathemeanttoextolwasLOVE.
Uponthewhole,wehadanoblecontroversyuponthissubject,inwhichheinsistedupontheunprecedentedmeritofthelady.NeverthelessIgotthebetterofhim;forhewasstruckabsolutelydumb,when(wavingherpresentperverseness,whichyetwasasufficientanswertoallhispleas)Iasserted,andofferedtoproveit,byathousandinstancesimpromptu,thatlovewasnotgovernedbymerit,norcouldbeunderthedominionofprudence,oranyotherreasoningpower:andiftheladywerecapableof
love,itwasofsuchasortashehadnothingtodowith,andwhichneverbeforereignedinafemaleheart.
Iaskedhim,whathethoughtofherflightfromme,atatimewhenIwasmorethanhalfovercomebytherightsortoflovehetalkedof?--AndthenIshowedhimthelettershewrote,andleftbehindherforme,withanintention,nodoubt,absolutelytobreakmyheart,ortoprovokemetohang,drown,orshootmyself;tosaynothingofamultitudeofdeclarationsfromher,defyinghispower,andimputingallthatlookedlikeloveinherbehaviourtome,tothepersecutionandrejectionofherfriends;whichmadeherthinkofmebutasalastresort.
LOVEthengaveherup.Theletter,hesaid,deservedneitherpardonnor
excuse.Hedidnotthinkhehadbeenpleadingforsuchadeclaredrebel.Andastotherest,heshouldbeabetrayeroftherightsofhisownsovereignty,ifwhatIhadallegedweretrue,andhewerestilltopleadforher.
Isworetothetruthofall.AndtrulyIswore:whichperhapsIdonotalwaysdo.
Andnowwhatthinkestthoumustbecomeofthelady,whomLOVEitselfgivesup,andCONSCIENCEcannotpleadfor?
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LETTERV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYAFTERNOON.
OBelford!whatahair's-breadthescapehaveIhad!--Suchaone,thatItremblebetweenterrorandjoy,atthethoughtofwhatmighthavehappened,anddidnot.
Whataperversegirlisthis,tocontendwithherfate;yethasreasontothink,thatherverystarsfightagainsther!Iamtheluckiestofme!--Butmybreathalmostfailsme,whenIreflectuponwhataslenderthreadmydestinyhung.
Butnottokeeptheeinsuspense;Ihave,withinthishalf-hour,obtainedpossessionoftheexpectedletterfromMissHowe--andbysuchanaccident!Buthere,withtheformer,Idispatchthis;thymessengerwaiting.
LETTERVI
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
Thusitwas--MycharmeraccompaniedMrs.Mooreagaintochurchthisafternoon.Ihadbeeninveryearnest,inthefirstplace,toobtainhercompanyatdinner:butinvain.AccordingtowhatshehadsaidtoMrs.Moore,*Iwastooconsiderabletohertobeallowedthatfavour.Inthenextplace,Ibesoughthertofavourme,afterdinner,withanothergarden-walk.Butshewouldagaingotochurch.AndwhatreasonhaveI
torejoicethatshedid!
*SeeLetterIII.ofthisvolume.
Myworthyfriend,Mrs.Bevis,thoughtonesermonaday,wellobserved,enough;sostaidathometobearmecompany.
TheladyandMrs.Moorehadnotbeengoneaquarterofanhour,whenayoungcountry-fellowonhorsebackcametothedoor,andinquiredforMrs.HarriotLucas.ThewidowandI(undeterminedhowweweretoentertaineachother)wereintheparlournextthedoor;andhearingthefellow's
inquiry,OmydearMrs.Bevis,saidI,Iamundone,undoneforever,ifyoudon'thelpmeout!--Sincehere,inallprobability,isamessengerfromthatimplacableMissHowewithaletter;which,ifdeliveredtoMrs.Lovelace,mayundoallwehavebeendoing.
What,saidshe,wouldyouhavemedo?
Callthemaidinthismoment,thatImaygiveherherlesson;andifitbeasIimagined,I'lltellyouwhatyoushalldo.
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Wid.Margaret!--Margaret!comeinthisminute.
Lovel.Whatanswer,Mrs.Margaret,didyougivetheman,uponhisaskingforMrs.HarriotLucas?
Peggy.Ionlyasked,Whatwashisbusiness,andwhohecamefrom?(for,Sir,yourhonour'sservanthadtoldmehowthingsstood):andIcameatyourcall,Madam,beforeheansweredme.
Lovel.Well,child,ifeveryouwishtobehappyinwedlockyourself,andwouldhavepeopledisappointedwhowanttomakemischiefbetweenyouandyourhusband,getoutofhimhismessage,orletterifhehasone,andbringittome,andsaynothingtoMrs.Lovelace,whenshecomesin;andhereisaguineaforyou.
Peggy.IwilldoallIcantoserveyourhonour'sworshipfornothing:[nevertheless,withareadyhand,takingtheguinea:]forMr.Williamtellsmewhatagoodgentlemanyoube.
AwaywentPeggytothefellowatthedoor.
Peggy.Whatisyourbusiness,friend,withMrs.HarryLucas?
Fellow.Imustspeaktoherherownself.
Lovel.Mydearestwidow,doyoupersonateMrs.Lovelace--forHeaven'ssakedoyoupersonateMrs.Lovelace.
Wid.IpersonateMrs.Lovelace,Sir!HowcanIdothat?--Sheisfair;Iambrown.Sheisslender:Iamplump--
Lovel.Nomatter,nomatter--Thefellowmaybeanew-comeservant:heisnotinlivery,Isee.Hemaynotknowherperson.Youcanbutbebloatedandinadropsy.
Wid.DropsicalpeoplelooknotsofreshandruddyasIdo.
Lovel.True--buttheclownmaynotknowthat.'Tisbutforapresentdeception.Peggy,Peggy,call'dI,inafemaletone,softlyatthedoor.Madam,answer'dPeggy;andcameuptometotheparlour-door.
Lovel.Tellhimtheladyisill;andhaslaindownuponthecouch.Andgethisbusinessfromhim,whateveryoudo.
AwaywentPeggy.
Lovel.Now,mydearwidow,liealongthesettee,andputyourhandkerchiefoveryourface,that,ifhewillspeaktoyouhimself,hemaynotseeyoureyesandyourhair.--So--that'sright.--I'llstepintotheclosetbyyou.
Ididso.
Peggy.[Returning.]Hewon'tdeliverhisbusinesstome.HewillspeaktoMrs.HarriotLucasherownself.
Lovel.[Holdingthedoorinmyhand.]TellhimthatthisisMrs.HarriotLucas;andlethimcomein.Whisperhim(ifhedoubts)thatsheisbloated,dropsical,andnotthewomanshewas.
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AwaywentMargery.
Lovel.Andnow,mydearwidow,letmeseewhatacharmingMrs.Lovelaceyou'llmake!--AskifhecomesfromMissHowe.Askifheliveswithher.Askhowshedoes.Callher,ateveryword,yourdearMissHowe.Offerhimmoney--takethishalf-guineaforhim--complainofyourhead,tohaveapretencetoholditdown;andcoveryourforeheadandeyeswithyourhand,whereyourhandkerchiefhidesnotyourface.--That'sright--anddismisstherascal--[herehecomes]--assoonasyoucan.
Incamethefellow,bowingandscraping,hishatpokedoutbeforehimwithbothhishands.
Fellow.Iamsorry,Madam,an'tpleaseyou,tofindyouben'twell.
Widow.Whatisyourbusinesswithme,friend?
Fellow.YouareMrs.HarriotLucas,Isuppose,Madam?
Widow.Yes.DoyoucomefromMissHowe?
Fellow.Ido,Madam.
Widow.Dostthouknowmyrightname,friend?
Fellow.Icangiveashrewdguess.Butthatisnoneofmybusiness.
Widow.Whatisthybusiness?IhopeMissHoweiswell?
Fellow.Yes,Madam;purewell,IthankGod.Iwishyouweresotoo.
Widow.Iamtoofullofgrieftobewell.
Fellow.SobelikeIhavehardtosay.
Widow.Myheadachessodreadfully,Icannotholditup.Imustbegofyoutoletmeknowyourbusiness.
Fellow.Nay,andthatbeall,mybusinessissoonknown.Itisbuttogivethisletterintoyourownpartiklarhands--hereitis.
Widow.[Takingit.]FrommydearfriendMissHowe?--Ah,myhead!
Fellow.Yes,Madam:butIamsorryyouaresobad.
Widow.DoyoulivewithMissHowe?
Fellow.No,Madam:Iamoneofhertenants'sons.Herlady-mothermustnotknowashowIcameofthiserrand.Buttheletter,Isuppose,willtellyouall.
Widow.HowshallIsatisfyyouforthiskindtrouble?
Fellow.Nohowatall.WhatIdoisforloveofMissHowe.Shewillsatisfymemorethanenough.But,may-hap,youcansendnoanswer,youaresoill.
Widow.Wasyouorderedtowaitforananswer?
Fellow.No,IcannotsayasthatIwas.ButIwasbiddentoobserve
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howyoulooked,andhowyouwas;andifyoudidwritealineortwo,totakecareofit,andgiveitonlytoouryounglandladyinsecret.
Widow.YouseeIlookstrangely.NotsowellasIusedtodo.
Fellow.Nay,Idon'tknowthatIeversawyoubutoncebefore;andthatwasatastile,whereImetyouandmyyounglandlady;butknewbetterthantostareagentlewomanintheface;especiallyatastile.
Widow.Willyoueat,ordrink,friend?
Fellow.Acupofsmallale,Idon'tcareifIdo.
Widow.Margaret,taketheyoungmandown,andtreathimwithwhatthehouseaffords.
Fellow.Yourservant,Madam.ButIstaidtoeatasIcomealong,justupontheHeathyonder;orelse,tosaythetruth,Ihadbeenheresooner.[Thankmystars,thoughtI,thoudidst.]Apieceofpowderedbeefwasuponthetable,atthesignoftheCastle,whereIstopttoinquireforthishouse:andso,thoffIonlyintendedtowetmywhistle,Icouldnothelpeating.Soshallonlytasteofyourale;forthebeefwaswoundilycorned.
Pratingdog!Poxonthee!thoughtI.Hewithdrew,bowingandscraping.
Margaret,whisperedI,inafemalevoice[whisperingoutofthecloset,andholdingtheparlour-doorinmyhand]gethimoutofthehouseasfastasyoucan,lesttheycomefromchurch,andcatchhimhere.
Peggy.Neverfear,Sir.
Thefellowwentdown,anditseems,drankalargedraughtofale;andMargaretfindinghimverytalkative,toldhim,shebeggedhispardon,butshehadasweetheartjustcomefromsea,whomshewasforcedtohidein
thepantry;sowassurehewouldexcuseherfromstayingwithhim.
Ay,ay,tobesure,theclownsaid:forifhecouldnotmakesport,hewouldspoilnone.Buthewhisperedher,thatone'SquireLovelacewasadamnationrogue,ifthetruthmightbetold.
Forwhat?saidMargaret.Andcouldhavegivenhim,shetoldthewidow(whorelatedtomeallthis)agooddowseofthechaps.
Forkissingallthewomenhecamenear.
Atthesametime,thedogwrappedhimselfroundMargery,andgaveherasmack,that,shetoldMrs.Bevisafterwards,shemighthaveheardinto
theparlour.
Such,Jack,ishumannature:thusdoesitoperateinalldegrees;andsodoestheclown,aswellashispractises!Yetthisslydogknewnotbutthewenchhadasweetheartlockedupinthepantry!Ifthetruthwereknown,someoftheruddy-faceddairywenchesmightperhapscallhimadamnationrogue,asjustlyastheirbettersofthesamesexmight'SquireLovelace.
Thefellowtoldthemaid,that,bywhathediscoveredoftheyounglady's
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face,itlookedveryrosytowhathetookittobe;andhethoughtheragooddealfatter,asshelay,andnotsotall.
Allwomenareborntointrigue,Jack;andpractiseitmoreorless,asfathers,guardians,governesses,fromdearexperience,cantell;andinloveaffairsarenaturallyexpert,andquickerintheirwitsbyhalfthanmen.Thisready,thoughrawwench,gaveaninstanceofthis,andimprovedonthedropsicalhintIhadgivenher.Thelady'sseemingplumpnesswasowingtoadropsicaldisorder,andtotheroundpostureshelayin--verylikely,truly.Herappearingtohimtobeshorter,hemighthaveobserved,wasowingtoherdrawingherfeetupfrompain,andbecausethecouchwastooshort,shesupposed--Adso,hedidnotthinkofthat.Herrosycolourwasowingtohergriefandhead-ache.--Ay,thatmightverywellbe--buthewashighlypleasedthathehadgiventheletterintoMrs.Harriot'sownhand,asheshouldtellMissHowe.
Hedesiredoncemoretoseetheladyathisgoingaway,andwouldnotbedenied.Thewidowthereforesatup,withherhandkerchiefoverherface,leaningherheadagainstthewainscot.
Heaskedifshehadanypartiklarmessage?
No:shewassoillshecouldnotwrite;whichwasagreatgrieftoher.
Shouldhecallthenextday?forhewasgoingtoLondon,nowhewassonear;andshouldstayatacousin'sthatnight,wholivedinastreetcalledFetter-Lane.
No:shewouldwriteassoonasable,andsendbythepost.
Well,then,ifshehadnothingtosendbyhim,mayhaphemightstayintownadayortwo;forhehadneverseenthelionsintheTower,norBedlam,northetombs;andhewouldmakeaholidayortwo,ashehadleavetodo,ifshehadnobusinessormessagethatrequiredhispostingdownnextday.
Shehadnot.
Sheofferedhimthehalf-guineaIhadgivenherforhim;butherefuseditwithgreatprofessionsofdisinterestedness,andlove,ashecalledit,toMissHowe;toservewhom,hewouldridetotheworld's-end,oreventoJericho.
Andsotheshockingrascalwentaway:andgladatmyheartwasIwhenhewasgone;forIfearednothingsomuchasthathewouldhavestaidtilltheycamefromchurch.
Thus,Jack,gotImyheart'sease,theletterofMissHowe;adthroughsuchatrainofaccidents,asmakesmesay,thatthelady'sstarsfightagainsther.ButyetImustattributeagooddealtomyownprecaution,
inhavingtakenrightmeasures.ForhadInotsecuredthewidowbymystories,andthemaidbymyservant,allwouldhavesignifiednothing.Andsoheartilyweretheysecured,theonebyasingleguinea,theotherbyhalfadozenwarmkisses,andtheaversiontheybothhadtosuchwickedcreaturesasdelightedinmakingmischiefbetweenmanandwife,thattheypromised,thatneitherMrs.Moore,MissRawlins,Mrs.Lovelace,noranybodyliving,shouldknowanythingofthematter.
ThewidowrejoicedthatIhadgotthemischief-maker'sletter.Iexcusedmyselftoher,andinstantlywithdrewwithit;and,afterIhadreadit,
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felltomyshort-hand,toacquainttheewithmygoodluck:andtheynotreturningsosoonaschurchwasdone,(stepping,asitproved,intoMissRawlins's,andtarryingthereawhile,tobringthatbusygirlwiththemtodrinktea,)Iwrotethusfartothee,thatthoumightest,whenthoucamesttothisplace,rejoicewithmeupontheoccasion.
Theyareallthreejustcomein.
Ihastentothem.
LETTERVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Ihavebegunanotherlettertothee,incontinuationofmynarrative:butIbelieveIshallsendtheethisbeforeIshallfinishthat.Bytheenclosedthouwiltsee,thatneitherofthecorrespondentsdeservemercyfromme:andIamresolvedtomaketheendingwithonethebeginningwiththeother.
IfthousayestthattheprovocationsIhavegiventooneofthemwill
justifyherfreedoms;Ianswer,sotheywill,toanyotherpersonbutmyself.Buthethatiscapableofgivingthoseprovocations,andhasthepowertopunishthosewhoabusehimforgivingthem,willshowhisresentment;andthemoreremorselessly,perhaps,ashehasdeservedthefreedoms.
Ifthousayest,itis,however,wrongtodoso;Ireply,thatitisneverthelesshumannature:--Andwouldstthounothavemetobeaman,Jack?
Herereadtheletter,ifthouwilt.Butthouartnotmyfriend,ifthouofferesttopleadforeitherofthesaucycreatures,afterthouhastreadit.
TOMRS.HARRIOTLUCAS,
ATMRS.MOORE'S,ATHAMPSTEAD.JUNE10.
AfterthediscoveriesIhadmadeofthevillanousmachinationsofthemostabandonedofmen,particularizedinmylongletterofWednesday*last,youwillbelieve,mydearestfriend,thatmysurpriseuponperusingyour'sofThursdayeveningfromHampstead**wasnotsogreatasmyindignation.Hadthevillainattemptedtofireacityinsteadofahouse,Ishouldnothavewonderedatit.AllthatIamamazedatis,
thathe(whoseboast,asIamtold,itis,thatnowomanshallkeephimoutofherbed-chamber,whenhehasmadearesolutiontobeinit)didnotdiscoverhisfootbefore.Anditisasstrangetome,that,havinggotyouatsuchashockingadvantage,andinsuchahorridhouse,youcould,atthetime,escapedishonour,andafterwardsgetfromsuchasetofinfernals.
*SeeVol.V.LetterXX.**Ibid.SeeLetterXXI.
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Igaveyou,inmylongletterofWednesdayandThursdaylast,reasonswhyyououghttomistrustthatspeciousTomlinson.Thatman,mydear,mustbeasolemnvillain.MaylightningfromHeavenblastthewretch,whohassethimandtherestofhisREMORSELESSGANGatwork,toendeavourtodestroythemostconsummatevirtue!--Heavenbepraised!youhaveescapedfromalltheirsnares,andnowareoutofdanger.--SoIwillnottroubleyouatpresentwiththeparticularsIhavefurthercollectedrelatingtothisabominableimposture.
Forthesamereason,Iforbeartocommunicatetoyousomenewstoriesoftheabhorredwretchhimselfwhichhavecometomyears.One,inparticular,ofsoshockinganature!--Indeed,mydear,theman'sadevil.
ThewholestoryofMrs.Fretchville,andherhouse,Ihavenodoubttopronounce,likewise,anabsolutefiction.--Fellow!--Howmysoulspurnsthevillain!
Yourthoughtofgoingabroad,andyourreasonsforsodoing,mostsensiblyaffectme.Butbecomforted,mydear;Ihopeyouwillnotbeunderanecessityofquittingyournativecountry.WereIsurethatthatmustbethecruelcase,Iwouldabandonallmybetterprospects,andsoonbewithyou.AndIwouldaccompanyyouwhithersoeveryouwent,andshare
fortuneswithyou:foritisimpossiblethatIshouldbehappy,ifIknewthatyouwereexposednotonlytotheperilsofthesea,buttotheattemptsofothervilemen;yourpersonalgracesattractingeveryeye;andexposingyoutothosehourlydangers,whichothers,lessdistinguishedbythegiftsofnature,mightavoid.--AllthatIknowthatbeauty(sogreatlycoveted,andsogreatlyadmired)isgoodfor.
Omydear,wereIevertomarry,andtobethemotherofaCLARISSA,[Clarissamustbethename,ifpromisinglylovely,]howoftenwouldmyheartacheforthedearcreature,asshegrewup,whenIreflectedthataprudenceanddiscretion,unexampledinwoman,hadnot,inyou,beenasufficientprotectiontothatbeauty,whichhaddrawnafteritasmanyadmirersasbeholders!--HowlittleshouldIregrettheattacksofthat
crueldistemper,asitiscalled,whichfrequentlymakesthegreatestravagesinthefinestfaces!
SAT.AFTERNOON.
IhavejustpartedwithMrs.Townsend.*Ithoughtyouhadonceseenherwithme;butshesayssheneverhadthehonourtobepersonallyknowntoyou.Shehasamanlikespirit.Sheknowstheworld.Andhertwobrothersbeingintown,sheissureshecanengagetheminsogoodacause,and(ifthereshouldbeoccasion)boththeirships'crews,inyourservice.
*FortheaccountofMrs.Townsend,&c.seeVol.IV.LetterXLII.
Giveyourconsent,mydear;andthehorridvillainshallberepaidwithbrokenbones,atleast,forallhisvileness!
Themisfortuneis,Mrs.TownsendcannotbewithyoutillThursdaynext,orWednesday,atsoonest:Areyousureyoucanbesafewhereyouaretillthen?IthinkyouaretoonearLondon;andperhapsyouhadbetterbein
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it.Ifyouremove,letme,theverymoment,knowwhither.
Howmyheartistorn,tothinkofthenecessitysodearacreatureisdriventoofhidingherself!Devilishfellow!Hemusthavebeensportiveandwantoninhisinventions--yetthatcruel,thatsavagesportivenesshassavedyoufromthesuddenviolencetowhichhehashadrecourseintheviolationofothers,ofnamesandfamiliesnotcontemptible.Forsuchthevillainalwaysgloriedtospreadhissnares.
Thevilenessofthisspeciousmonsterhasdonemore,thananyotherconsiderationcoulddo,tobringMr.Hickmanintocreditwithme.Mr.Hickmanaloneknows(fromme)ofyourflight,andthereasonofit.HadInotgivenhimthereason,hemighthavethoughtstillworseofthevileattempt.IcommunicatedittohimbyshowinghimyourletterfromHampstead.Whenhehadreadit,[andhetrembledandreddened,asheread,]hethrewhimselfatmyfeet,andbesoughtmetopermithimtoattendyou,andtogiveyoutheprotectionofhishouse.Thegood-naturedmanhadtearsinhiseyes,andwasrepeatedlyearnestonthissubject;proposingtotakehischariot-and-four,oraset,andinperson,inthefaceofalltheworld,givehimselfthegloryofprotectingsuchanoppressedinnocent.
Icouldnotbutbepleasedwithhim.AndIlethimknowthatIwas.Ihardlyexpectedsomuchspiritfromhim.Butaman'spassivenesstoa
belovedobjectofoursexmaynot,perhaps,arguewantofcourageonproperoccasions.
IthoughtIought,inreturn,tohavesomeconsiderationforhissafety,assuchanopenstepwoulddrawuponhimthevengeanceofthemostvillanousenterpriserintheworld,whohasalwaysagangoffellows,suchashimself,athiscall,readytosupportoneanotherinthevilestoutrages.Butyet,asMr.Hickmanmighthavestrengthenedhishandsbylegalrecourses,Ishouldnothavestooduponit,hadInotknownyourdelicacy,[sincesuchastepmusthavemadeagreatnoise,andgivenoccasionforscandal,asifsomeadvantagehadbeengainedoveryou,]andweretherenotthegreatestprobabilitythatallmightbemoresilently,andmoreeffectually,managed,byMrs.Townsend'smeans.
Mrs.Townsendwillinpersonattendyou--shehopes,onWednesday--herbrothers,andsomeoftheirpeople,willscatteringly,andasiftheyknewnothingofyou,[sowehavecontrived,]seeyousafenotonlytoLondon,buttoherhouseatDeptford.
Shehasakinswoman,whowilltakeyourcommandsthere,ifsheherselfbeobligedtoleaveyou.Andthereyoumaystay,tillthewretch'sfury,onlosingyou,andhissearch,areover.
Hewillverysoon,'tislikely,enteruponsomenewvillany,whichmayengrosshim:anditmaybegivenout,thatyouaregonetolayclaimtotheprotectionofyourcousinMordenatFlorence.
Possibly,ifhecanbemadetobelieveit,hewillgoover,inhopestofindyouthere.
Afterawhile,Icanprocureyoualodginginoneofourneighbouringvillages,whereImayhavethehappinesstobeyourdailyvisiter.AndifthisHickmanbenotsillyandapish,andifmymotherdonotdounaccountablethings,Imaythesoonerthinkofmarrying,thatImay,withoutcontroul,receiveandentertainthedarlingofmyheart.
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Many,verymany,happydaysdoIhopeweshallyetseetogether;andasthisismyhope,Iexpectthatitwillbeyourconsolation.
Astoyourestate,sinceyouareresolvednottolitigateforit,wewillbepatient,eithertillColonelMordenarrives,ortillshamecompelssomepeopletobejust.
Uponthewhole,Icannotbutthinkyourprospectsnowmuchhappierthantheycouldhavebeen,hadyoubeenactuallymarriedtosuchamanasthis.Imustthereforecongratulateyouuponyourescape,notonlyfromahorridlibertine,butfromsovileahusband,ashemusthavemadetoanywoman;butmoreespeciallytoapersonofyourvirtueanddelicacy.
Youhatehim,heartilyhatehim,Ihope,mydear--Iamsureyoudo.Itwouldbestrange,ifsomuchpurityoflifeandmannerswerenottoabhorwhatissorepugnanttoitself.
Inyourletterbeforeme,youmentiononewrittentomeforafeint.*Ihavenotreceivedanysuch.Dependuponit,therefore,thathemusthaveit.Andifhehas,itisawonderthathedidnotlikewisegetmylongoneofthe7th.Heavenbepraisedthathedidnot;andthatitcamesafetoyourhands!
*SeeVol.V.LettersXXI.andXXII.
Isendthisbyayoungfellow,whosefatherisoneofourtenants,withcommandtodeliverittonootherhandsbutyour's.Heistoreturndirectly,ifyougivehimanyletter.Ifnot,hewillproceedtoLondonuponhisownpleasures.Heisasimplefellow;butveryhonest.Soyoumaysayanythingtohim.Ifyouwritenotbyhim,Idesirealineortwo,assoonaspossible.
Mymotherknowsnothingofhisgoingtoyou;noryetofyourabandoningthefellow.Forgiveme!Butheisnotentitledtogoodmanners.
IshalllongtohearhowyouandMrs.Townsendordermatters.Iwishshecouldhavebeenwithyousooner.ButIhavelostnotimeinengagingher,asyouwillsuppose.Irefertoher,whatIhavefurthertosayandadvise.Soshallconcludewithmyprayers,thatHeavenwilldirectandprotectmydearestcreature,andmakeyourfuturedayshappy!
ANNAHOWE.
Andnow,Jack,Iwillsupposethatthouhastreadthiscursedletter.Allowmetomakeafewobservationsuponsomeofitscontents.
ItisstrangetoMissHowe,thathavinggotherfriendatsuchashockingadvantage,&c.Anditisstrangetome,too.IfeverIhavesuchanotheropportunitygiventome,thecauseofbothourwonder,Ibelieve,willcease.
SothouseestTomlinsonisfurtherdetected.--NosuchpersonasMrs.Fretchville.--MaylightningfromHeaven--OLord,OLord,OLord!--Whatahorridvixenisthis!--Mygang,myremorselessgang,too,isbroughtin--andthouwiltpleadforthesegirlsagain;wiltthou?heavenbepraised,shesays,thatherfriendisoutofdanger--MissHoweshouldbesureof
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that,andthatsheherselfissafe.--Butforthistermagant,(asIoftensaid,)Imustsurelyhavemadeabetterhandofit.--
Newstoriesofme,Jack!--Whatcantheybe?--IhavenotfoundthatmygenerositytomyRose-budeverdidmeduecreditwiththispairoffriends.Veryhard,Belford,thatcreditscannotbesetagainstdebits,andabalancestruckinarake'sfavour,aswellasinthatofeverycommonman!--Buthe,fromwhomnogoodisexpected,isnotallowedthemeritofthegoodhedoes.
IoughttohavebeenalittlemoreattentivetocharacterthanIhavebeen.For,notwithstandingthatthemeasuresofrightandwrongaresaidtobesomanifest,letmetellthee,thatcharacterbiasesandrunsawaywithallmankind.Letamanorwomanonceestablishthemselvesintheworld'sopinion,andallthateitherofthemdowillbesanctified.Nay,intheverycourtsofjustice,doesnotcharacteracquitorcondemnasoftenasfacts,andsometimeseveninspiteoffacts?--Yet,[impoliticthatIhavebeenandam!]tobesocarelessofmine!--Andnow,Idoubt,itisirretrievable.--Buttoleavemoralizing.
Thou,Jack,knowestalmostallmyenterprisesworthremembering.Canthisparticularstory,whichthisgirlhintsat,bethatofLucyVillars?--Orcanshehaveheardofmyintriguewiththeprettygipsey,whometmeinNorwood,andofthetrapIcaughthercruelhusbandin,[afellowas
gloomyandtyrannicalasoldHarlowe,]whenhepursuedawife,whowouldnothavedeservedillofhim,ifhehaddeservedwellofher!--Buthewasnotquitedrowned.Themanisaliveatthisday,andMissHowementionsthestoryasaveryshockingone.Besides,boththeseareatwelve-monthold,ormore.
Butevilfameandscandalarealwaysnew.Whentheoffenderhasforgotavilefact,itisoftentoldtooneandtoanother,who,havingneverheardofitbefore,trumpetitaboutasanoveltytoothers.ButwellsaidthehonestcorregidoratMadrid,[asayingwithwhichIencroachedLordM.'scollection,]--Goodactionsarerememberedbutforaday:badonesformanyyearsafterthelifeoftheguilty.Suchistherelishthattheworldhasforscandal.Inotherwords,suchisthedesirewhich
everyonehastoexculpatehimselfbyblackeninghisneighbour.YouandI,Belford,havebeenverykindtotheworld,infurnishingitwithopportunitiestogratifyitsdevil.
[MissHowewillabandonherownbetterprospects,andsharefortuneswithher,wereshetogoabroad.]--Charmingromancer!--Imustsetaboutthisgirl,Jack.Ihavealwayshadhopesofawomanwhosepassionscarryhertosuchaltitudes.--HadIattackedMissHowefirst,herpassions,(inflamedandguidedasIcouldhavemanagedthem,)wouldhavebroughtherintomylureinafortnight.
Butthinkestthou,[andyetIthinkthoudost,]thatthereisanythinginthesehighflightsamongthesex?--Verily,Jack,thesevehement
friendshipsarenothingbutchaffandstubble,liabletobeblownawaybytheverywindthatraisesthem.Apes,mereapesofus!theythinkthewordfriendshiphasaprettysoundwithit;anditismuchtalkedof--afashionableword.Andso,truly,asinglewoman,whothinksshehasasoul,andknowsthatshewantssomething,wouldbethoughttohavefoundafellow-soulforitinherownsex.ButIrepeat,thatthewordisamereword,thethingamerenamewiththem;acork-bottomedshuttle-cock,whichtheyarefondofstrikingtoandfro,tomakeoneanotherglowinthefrostyweatherofasingle-state;butwhich,whenamancomesinbetweenthepretendedinseparables,isgivenup,liketheirmusicand
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othermaidenlyamusements;which,nevertheless,maybenecessarytokeeptheprettyroguesoutofactivemischief.Theythen,inshort,havingcaughtthefish,layasidethenet.*
*Healludesheretothestoryofapope,who,(onceapoorfisherman,)througheveryprefermentheroseto,eventothatofthecardinalate,hungupinviewofallhisguestshisnet,asatokenofhumility.But,whenhearrivedatthepontificate,hetookitdown,saying,thattherewasnoneedofthenet,whenhehadcaughtthefish.
Thouhastamind,perhaps,tomakeanexceptionforthesetwoladies.--Withallmyheart.MyClarissahas,ifwomanhas,asoulcapableoffriendship.Herflameisbrightandsteady.ButMissHowe's,wereitnotkeptupbyhermother'sopposition,istoovehementtoendure.HowoftenhaveIknownoppositionnotonlycementfriendship,butcreatelove?IdoubtnotbutpoorHickmanwouldfarethebetterwiththisvixen,ifhermotherwereasheartilyagainsthim,assheisforhim.
Thusmuch,indeed,astothesetwoladies,Iwillgrantthee,thattheactivespiritoftheone,andthemeekdispositionoftheother,maymaketheirfriendshipmoredurablethanitwouldotherwisebe;forthisiscertain,thatineveryfriendship,whethermaleorfemale,theremustbe
amanandawomanspirit,(thatistosay,oneofthemmustbeaforbearingone,)tomakeitpermanent.
ButthisIpronounce,asatruth,whichallexperienceconfirms,thatfriendshipbetweenwomenneverholdstothesacrificeofcapitalgratifications,ortotheendangeringoflife,limb,orestate,asitoftendoesinournoblersex.
Well,butnextcomesanindictmentagainstpoorbeauty!WhathasbeautydonethatMissHoweshouldbeoffendedatit?--MissHowe,Jack,isacharminggirl.Shehasnoreasontoquarrelwithbeauty!--Didsteverseeher?--Toomuchfireandspiritinhereye,indeed,foragirl!--Butthat'snofaultwithamanthatcanlowerthatfireandspiritat
pleasure;andIknowIamthemanthatcan.
Formyownpart,whenIwasfirstintroducedtothislady,whichwasbymygoddesswhensheherselfwasavisiteratMrs.Howe's,Ihadnotbeenhalfanhourwithher,butIevenhungeredandthirstedafteraromping'boutwiththelivelyrogue;and,inthesecondorthirdvisit,wasmoredeterredbythedelicacyofherfriend,thanbywhatIapprehendedfromherown.Thischarmingcreature'spresence,thoughtI,awesusboth.AndIwishedherabsence,thoughanyotherwomanwerepresent,thatImighttrythedifferencesinMissHowe'sbehaviourbeforeherfriend'sface,orbehindherback.
Delicatewomenmakedelicatewomen,aswellasdecentmen.WithallMiss
Howe'sfireandspirit,itwaseasytosee,byherveryeye,thatshewatchedforlessonsandfearedreprooffromthepenetratingeyeofhermilderdispositionedfriend;*andyetitwasaseasytoobserve,inthecandourandsweetmannersoftheother,thatthefearwhichMissHowestoodinofher,wasmoreowingtoherowngenerousapprehensionthatshefellshortofherexcellencies,thantoMissHarlowe'sconsciousnessofexcellenceoverher.IhaveoftensinceIcameatMissHowe'sletters,revolvedthisjustandfinepraisecontainedinoneofthem:**'Everyonesawthatthepreferencetheygaveyoutothemselvesexaltedyounotintoanyvisibletriumphoverthem;foryouhadalwayssomethingtosay,on
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everypointyoucarried,thatraisedtheyieldingheart,andlefteveryonepleasedandsatisfiedwiththemselves,thoughtheycarriednotoffthepalm.'
*MissHowe,inVol.III.LetterXIX.says,ThatshewasalwaysmoreafraidofClarissathanofhermother;and,inVol.III.LetterXLIV.Thatshefearsheralmostasmuchasshelovesher;andinmanyotherplaces,inherletters,verifiesthisobservationofLovelace.**SeeVol.IV.LetterXXXI.
AsIpropose,inamoreadvancedlife,toendeavourtoatoneformyusefulfreedomswithindividualsofthesex,bygivingcautionsandinstructionstothewhole,Ihavemadeamemorandumtoenlargeuponthisdoctrine;--towit,thatitisfullasnecessarytodirectdaughtersinthechoiceoftheirfemalecompanions,asitistoguardthemagainstthedesignsofmen.
Isaynotthis,however,tothedisparagementofMissHowe.Shehasfrompride,whatherfriendhasfromprinciple.[TheLordhelpthesex,iftheyhadnotpride!]ButyetIamconfident,thatMissHoweisindebtedtotheconversationandcorrespondenceofMissHarloweforherhighestimprovements.But,boththeseladiesoutofthequestion,Imakeno
scrupletoaver,[andI,Jack,shouldknowsomethingofthematter,]thattherehavebeenmoregirlsruined,atleastpreparedforruin,bytheirownsex,(takinginservants,aswellascompanions,)thandirectlybytheattemptsanddelusionsofmen.
ButitistimeenoughwhenIamoldandjoyless,toenlargeuponthistopic.
Astothecomparisonbetweenthetwoladies,Iwillexpatiatemoreonthatsubject,(forIlikeit,)whenIhavehadthemboth.Whichthisletterofthevixengirl's,Ihopethouwiltallow,warrantsmetotryfor.
Ireturntotheconsiderationofafewmoreofitscontents,tojustifymyvengeancessonearlynowinview.
AstoMrs.Townsend,--hermanlikespirit--hertwobrothers--andtheships'crews--Isaynothingbutthistotheinsolentthreatening--Let'emcome!--Butastohersordidmenace--Torepaythehorridvillain,asshecallsme,forallmyvilenessbyBROKENBONES!--Brokenbones,Belford!--Whocanbearthisporterlythreatening!--Brokenbones,Jack!--D--nthelittlevulgar!--Givemeanameforher--butIbanishallfuriousresentment.IfIgetthesetwogirlsintomypower,HeavenforbidthatIshouldbeasecondPhalaris,whoturnedhisbullupontheartist!--Nobonesoftheir'swillIbreak--Theyshallcomeoffwithmeuponmuchlighterterms!--
Butthesefellowsaresmugglers,itseems.AndamnotIasmugglertoo?--Iam--andhavenottheleastdoubtbutIshallhavesecuredmygoodsbeforeThursday,orWednesdayeither.
ButdidIwantaplot,whatacharmingnewonedoesthisletterofMissHowestrikemeout!Iamalmostsorry,thatIhavefixeduponone.--Forhere,howeasywoulditbeformetoassembleacrewofswabbers,andtocreateaMrs.Townsend(whoseperson,thouseest,mybelovedknowsnot)tocomeonTuesday,atMissHowe'srepeatedsolicitations,inorderto
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carrymybelovedtoawarehouseofmyownproviding?
This,however,ismytriumphanthope,thatattheverytimethattheseragamuffinswillbeatHampstead(lookingforus)mydearMissHarloweandI[sotheFatesIimaginehaveordained]shallbefastasleepineachother'sarmsintown.--Liestill,villain,tillthetimecomes.--Myheart,Jack!myheart!--Itisalwaysthumpingawayontheremotestprospectsofthisnature.
Butitseemsthatthevilenessofthisspeciousmonster[meaningme,Jack!]hasbroughtHickmanintocreditwithher.SoIhavedonesomegood!ButtowhomIcannottell:forthispoorfellow,shouldIpermithimtohavethistermagant,willbepunished,asmanytimesweallare,bytheenjoymentofhisownwishes--norcanshebehappy,asItakeit,withhim,werehetogovernhimselfbyherwill,andhavenoneofhisown;sinceneverwasthereadirectingwifewhoknewwheretostop:powermakessuchaonewanton--shedespisesthemanshecangovern.LikeAlexander,whowept,thathehadnomoreworldstoconquer,shewillbelookingoutfornewexercisesforherpower,tillshegrowuneasytoherself,adiscredittoherhusband,andaplaguetoallabouther.
Butthishonestfellow,itseems,withtearsinhiseyes,andwithhumbleprostration,besoughtthevixentopermithimtosetoutinhischariot-and-four,inordertogivehimselfthegloryofprotectingsuchan
oppressedinnocent,inthefaceofthewholeworld.Nay,hereddened,itseems:andtrembledtoo!ashereadthefaircomplainant'sletter.--Howvaliantisallthis!--Womenlovebravemen;andnowonderthathistears,histrembling,andhisprostration,gavehimhighreputationwiththemeekMissHowe.
Butdostthink,Jack,thatIinthelikecase(andequallyaffectedwiththedistress)shouldhaveactedthus?Dostthink,thatIshouldnotfirsthaverescuedthelady,andthen,ifneedful,haveaskedexcuseforit,theladyinmyhand?--Wouldstnotthouhavedonethus,aswellasI?
But,'tisbestasitis.HonestHickmanmaynowsleepinawholeskin.Andyetthatismoreperhapsthanhewouldhavedone(thelady's
deliveranceunattempted)hadIcomeatthisrequestedpermissionofhisanyotherwaythanbyaletterthatitmustnotbeknownthatIhaveintercepted.
MissHowethinksImaybedivertedfrompursuingmycharmer,bysomenew-startedvillany.Villanyisawordthatsheisextremelyfondof.ButIcantellher,thatitisimpossibleIshould,tilltheendofthisvillanybeobtained.Difficultyisastimuluswithsuchaspiritasmine.IthoughtMissHoweknewmebetter.Wereshetoofferherself,personforperson,intheromancingzealofherfriendship,tosaveherfriend,itshouldnotdo,whilethedearcreatureisonthissidethemoon.
ShethanksHeaven,thatherfriendhasreceivedherletterofthe7th.
Weareallgladofit.Sheoughttothankmetoo.ButIwillnotatpresentclaimherthanks.
Butwhensherejoicesthattheletterwentsafe,doesshenot,ineffect,calloutforvengeance,andexpectit!--Allingoodtime,MissHowe.WhensettestthououtfortheIsleofWight,love?
Iwillcloseatthistimewithdesiringtheetomakealistofthevirulenttermswithwhichtheenclosedletterabounds:andthen,ifthousupposestthatIhavemadesuchanother,andhaveaddedtoitallthe
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flowersofthesameblow,intheformerlettersofthesamesaucycreature,andthoseinthatofMissHarlowe,whichsheleftformeonherelopement,thouwiltcertainlythink,thatIhaveprovocationssufficienttojustifymeinallthatIshalldotoeither.
Returntheenclosedthemomentthouhastperusedit.
LETTERVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYNIGHT--MONDAYMORNING.
Iwentdownwithrevengeinmyheart,thecontentsofMissHowe'sletteralmostengrossingme,themomentthatMissHarloweandMrs.Moore(accompaniedbyMissRawlins)camein:butinmycountenanceallthegentle,theplacid,theserene,thattheglasscouldteach;andinmybehaviourallthepolite,thatsuchanunpolitecreature,asshehasoftentoldmeIam,couldputon.
MissRawlinswassentforhomealmostassoonasshecamein,toentertainanunexpectedvisiter;tohergreatregret,aswellastothe
disappointmentofmyfair-one,asIcouldperceivefromthelooksofboth:fortheyhadagreed,itseems,ifIwenttotown,asIsaidIintendedtodo,totakeawalkupontheHeath,atleastinMrs.Moore'sgarden;andwhoknows,whatmighthavebeentheissue,hadthespiritofcuriosityintheonemetwiththespiritofcommunicationintheother?
MissRawlinspromisedtoreturn,ifpossible:butsenttoexcuseherself:hervisiterintendingtostaywithherallnight.
Irejoicedinmyheartathermessage;and,aftermuchsupplication,obtainedthefavourofmybeloved'scompanyforanotherwalkinthegarden,having,asItoldher,abundanceofthingstosay,topropose,andtobeinformedof,inorderultimatelytogovernmyselfinmyfuture
steps.
Shehadvouchsafed,Ishouldhavetoldthee,witheyesturnedfromme,andinahalf-asideattitude,tosiptwodishesofteainmycompany--Dearsoul!--Howangerunpolishesthemostpolite!forIneversawMissHarlowebehavesoawkwardly.Iimaginedsheknewnothowtobeawkward.
Whenwewereinthegarden,Ipouredmywholesoulintoherattentiveear;andbesoughtherreturningfavour.
Shetoldme,thatshehadformedherschemeforherfuturelife:that,vileasthetreatmentwaswhichshehadreceivedfromme,thatwasnotallthereasonshehadforrejectingmysuit:butthat,onthematurest
deliberation,shewasconvincedthatshecouldneitherbehappywithme,normakemehappy;andsheinjoinedme,forbothoursakes,tothinknomoreofher.
TheCaptain,Itoldher,wasriddownpost,inamanner,toforwardmywisheswithheruncle.--LadyBettyandMissMontaguewereundoubtedlyarrivedintownbythistime.Iwouldsetoutearlyinthemorningtoattendthem.Theyadoredher.Theylongedtoseeher.Theywouldseeher.--TheywouldnotbedeniedhercompanyinOxfordshire.Whithercouldshebettergo,tobefreefromherbrother'sinsults?--Whither,tobe
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absolutelymadeunapprehensiveofanybodyelse?--MightIhaveanyhopesofherreturningfavour,ifMissHowecouldbeprevailedupontointercedeforme?
MissHoweprevailedupontointercedeforyou!repeatedshe,withascornfulbridle,butaveryprettyone.--Andthereshestopt.
IrepeatedtheconcernitwouldbetometobeunderanecessityofmentioningthemisunderstandingtoLadyBettyandmycousin,asamisunderstandingstilltobemadeup;andasifIwereofverylittleconsequencetoadearcreaturewhowasofsomuchtome;urging,thatthesecircumstanceswouldextremelylowermenotonlyinmyownopinion,butinthatofmyrelations.
ButstillshereferredtoMissHowe'snextletter;andalltheconcessionIcouldbringhertointhiswholeconference,was,thatshewouldwaitthearrivalandvisitofthetwoladies,iftheycameinadayortwo,orbeforeshereceivedtheexpectedletterfromMissHowe.
ThankHeavenforthis!thoughtI.AndnowmayIgototownwithhopesatmyreturntofindthee,dearest,whereIshallleavethee.
Butyet,asshemayfindreasonstochangehermindinmyabsence,Ishallnotentirelytrusttothis.Myfellow,therefore,whoisinthe
house,andwho,byMrs.Bevis'skindintelligence,willknoweverystepshecantake,shallhaveAndrewandahorseready,togivemeimmediatenoticeofhermotions;andmoreover,gowhithershewill,heshallbeoneofherretinue,thoughunknowntoherself,ifpossible.
ThiswasallIcouldmakeofthefairinexorable.ShouldIbegladofit,orsorryforit?--
GladIbelieve:andyetmyprideisconfoundedlyabated,tothinkthatIhadsolittleholdintheaffectionsofthisdaughteroftheHarlowes.
Don'ttellmethatvirtueandprincipleareherguidesonthisoccasion!--'Tispride,agreaterpridethanmyown,thatgovernsher.Love,she
hasnone,thouseest;noreverhad;atleastnotinasuperiordegree.Love,thatdeservesthename,neverwasunderthedominionofprudence,orofanyreasoningpower.Shecannotbeartobethoughtawoman,Iwarrant!Andif,inthelastattempt,Ifindhernotone,whatwillshebetheworseforthetrial?--Nooneistoblameforsufferinganevilhecannotshunoravoid.
Wereageneraltobeoverpowered,androbbedbyahighwayman,wouldhebelessfitforthecommandofanarmyonthataccount?--Ifindeedthegeneral,pretendinggreatvalour,andhavingboastedthatheneverwouldberobbed,weretomakebutfaintresistancewhenhewasbroughttothetest,andtoyieldhispursewhenhewasmasterofhisownsword,thenindeedwillthehighwaymanwhorobshimbethoughtthebraverman.
ButfromtheselastconferencesamIfurnishedwithoneargumentindefenceofmyfavouritepurpose,whichIneveryetpleaded.
OJack!whatadifficultymustamanbeallowedtohavetoconquerapredominantpassion,beitwhatitwill,whenthegratifyingofitisinhispower,howeverwrongheknowsittobetoresolvetogratifyit!Reflectuponthis;andthenwiltthoubeabletoaccountfor,ifnottoexcuse,aprojectedcrime,whichhashabittopleadforit,inabreastasstormyasuncontroulable!
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Thisthatfollowsismynewargument--
Shouldshefailinthetrial;shouldIsucceed;andshouldsherefusetogoonwithme;andevenresolvenottomarryme(ofwhichIcanhavenonotion);andshouldshedisdaintobeobligedtomeforthehandsomeprovisionIshouldbeproudtomakeforher,eventothehalfofmyestate;yetcannotshebealtogetherunhappy--Isshenotentitledtoanindependentfortune?WillnotCol.Morden,ashertrustee,putherinpossessionofit?Anddidshenotinourformerconferencepointoutthewayoflife,thatshealwayspreferredtothemarriedlife--towit,'TotakehergoodNortonforherdirectressandguide,andtoliveuponherownestateinthemannerhergrandfatherdesiredsheshouldlive?'*
*SeeLetterIII.ofthisvolume.
Itismoreovertobeconsideredthatshecannot,accordingtoherownnotions,recoveraboveonehalfofherfame,werewenottointermarry;somuchdoesshethinkshehassufferedbyhergoingoffwithme.Andwillshenotbealwaysrepiningandmourningforthelossoftheotherhalf?--Andifshemustlivealifeofsuchuneasinessandregretforhalf,mayshenotaswellrepineandmournforthewhole?
Nor,letmetellthee,willherownschemeorpenitence,inthiscase,behalfsoperfect,ifshedonotfall,asifshedoes:forwhatafoolishpenitentwillshemake,whohasnothingtorepentof!--Shepiquesherself,thouknowest,andmakesitmatterofreproachtome,thatshewentnotoffwithmebyherownconsent;butwastrickedoutofherself.
Norupbraidthoumeuponthemeditatedbreachofvowssorepeatedlymade.Shewillnot,thouseest,permitmetofulfilthem.Andifshewould,thisIhavetosay,that,atthetimeImadethemostsolemnofthem,Iwasfullydeterminedtokeepthem.Butwhatprincethinkshimselfobligedanylongertoobservethearticlesoftreaties,themostsacredlyswornto,thansuitswithhisinterestorinclination;althoughthe
consequenceoftheinfractionmustbe,asheknows,thedestructionofthousands.
Isnotthisthentheresultofall,thatMissClarissaHarlowe,ifitbenotherownfault,maybeasvirtuousaftershehaslostherhonour,asitiscalled,asshewasbefore?Shemaybeamoreeminentexampletohersex;andifsheyield(alittleyield)inthetrial,maybeacompleterpenitent.Norcanshe,butbyherownwilfulness,bereducedtolowfortunes.
Andthusmayheroldnurseandshe;anoldcoachman;andapairofoldcoach-horses;andtwoorthreeoldmaid-servants,andperhapsaveryoldfootmanortwo,(foreverythingwillbeoldandpenitentialabouther,)
liveverycomfortablytogether;readingoldsermons,andoldprayer-books;andrelievingoldmenandoldwomen;andgivingoldlessons,andoldwarnings,uponnewsubjects,aswellasoldones,totheyoungladiesofherneighbourhood;andsopassontoagoodoldage,doingagreatdealofgoodbothbypreceptandexampleinhergeneration.
Andisawomanwhocanlivethusprettilywithoutcontroul;whoeverdidprefer,andwhostillprefers,thesingletothemarriedlife;andwhowillbeenabledtodoeverythingthattheplanshehadformedwilldirecthertodo;tobesaidtoberuined,undone,andsuchsortof
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stuff?--Ihavenopatiencewiththeprettyfools,whousethosestrongwords,todescribeatransitoryevil;anevilwhichamerechurch-formmakesnone?
Atthisrateofromancing,howmanyflourishingruinsdostthou,aswellasI,know?Letusbutlookaboutus,andweshallseesomeofthehaughtiestandmostcensoriousspiritsamongoutacquaintanceofthatsexnowpassingforchastewives,ofwhomstrangestoriesmightbetold;andothers,whosehusbands'heartshavebeenmadetoachefortheirgaieties,bothbeforeandaftermarriage;andyetknownothalfsomuchofthem,assomeofushonestfellowscouldtellthem.
But,havingthussatisfiedmyselfinrelationtotheworstthatcanhappentothischarmingcreature;andthatitwillbeherownfault,ifshebeunhappy;Ihavenotatallreflecteduponwhatislikelytobemyownlot.
Thishasalwaysbeenmynotion,thoughMissHowegrudgesusrakesthebestofthesex,andsays,thattheworstistoogoodforus,*thatthewifeofalibertineoughttobepure,spotless,uncontaminated.Towhatpurposehassuchaonelivedafreelife,buttoknowtheworld,andtomakehisadvantagesofit!--And,tobeveryserious,itwouldbeamisfortunetothepublicfortwopersons,headsofafamily,tobebothbad;since,betweentwosuch,araceofvarletsmightbepropagated
(LovelacesandBelfords,ifthouwilt)whomightdogreatmischiefintheworld.
ThouseestatbottomthatIamnotanabandonedfellow;andthatthereisamixtureofgravityinme.This,asIgrowolder,mayincrease;andwhenmyactivecapacitybeginstoabate,Imaysitdownwiththepreacher,andresolveallmypastlifeintovanityandvexationofspirit.
Thisiscertain,thatIshallneverfindawomansowellsuitedtomytasteasMissClarissaHarlowe.IonlywishthatImayhavesuchaladyashertocomfortandadornmysettingsun.Ihaveoftenthoughtitveryunhappyforusboth,thatsoexcellentacreaturesprangupalittletoo
lateformysettingout,andalittletooearlyinmyprogress,beforeIcanthinkofreturning.Andyet,asIhavepickedupthesweettravellerinmyway,Icannothelpwishingthatshewouldbearmecompanyintherestofmyjourney,althoughsheweresteppingoutofherownpathtoobligeme.Andthen,perhaps,wecouldputupintheeveningatthesameinn;andbeveryhappyineachother'sconversation;recountingthedifficultiesanddangerswehadpassedinourwaytoit.
Iimaginethatthouwiltbeapttosuspectthatsomepassagesinthisletterwerewrittenintown.Why,Jack,IcannotbutsaythattheWestminsterairisalittlegrosserthanthatatHampstead;andtheconversationofMrs.SinclairandthenymphslessinnocentthanMrs.Moore'sandMissRawlins's.AndIthinkinmyheartIcansayandwrite
thosethingsatoneplacewhichIcannotattheother,norindeedanywhereelse.
Icametotownaboutseventhismorning--allnecessarydirectionsandprecautionsrememberedtobegiven.
IbesoughtthefavourofanaudiencebeforeIsetout.Iwasdesiroustoseewhichofherlovelyfacesshewaspleasedtoputon,afteranothernighthadpassed.Butshewasresolved,Ifound,toleaveourquarrelopen.Shewouldnotgivemeanopportunitysomuchastoentreather
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againtocloseit,beforethearrivalofLadyBettyandmycousin.
Ihadnoticefrommyproctor,byafewlinesbroughtbyamanandhorse,justbeforeIsetout,thatalldifficultieshadbeenfortwodayspastsurmounted;andthatImighthavethelicenseforfetching.
Isentupthelettertomybeloved,byMrs.Bevis,witharepeatedrequestforadmittancetoherpresenceuponit;butneitherdidthisstandmeinstead.Isupposeshethoughtitwouldbeallowingoftheconsequencesthatwerenaturallytobeexpectedtofollowtheobtainingofthisinstrument,ifshehadconsentedtoseemeonthecontentsofthisletter,havingrefusedmethathonourbeforeIsentituptoher.--Nosurprisingher.--Noadvantagetobetakenofherinattentiontothenicestcircumstances.
Andnow,Belford,Isetoutuponbusiness.
LETTERIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAY,JUNE12.
Dursteverseealicense,Jack?
'Edmund,bydivinepermission,LordBishopofLondon,toourwell-belovedinChrist,RobertLovelace,[yourservant,mygoodLord!WhathaveIdonetomeritsomuchgoodness,whoneversawyourLordshipinmylife?]oftheparishofSt.Martin'sintheFields,bachelor,andClarissaHarlowe,ofthesameparish,spinster,sendethgreeting.--WHEREASyeare,asisalleged,determinedtoenterintotheholystateofMatrimony[thisisonlyalleged,thouobservest]byandwiththeconsentof,&c.&c.&c.andareverydesirousofobtainingyourmarriagetobesolemnizedinthefaceofthechurch:Wearewillingthatyourhonestdesires[honestdesires,Jack!]maymorespeedilyhavetheirdueeffect:andtherefore,
thatyemaybeabletoprocuresuchMarriagetobefreelyandlawfullysolemnizedintheparishchurchofSt.Martin'sintheFields,orSt.Giles'sintheFields,inthecountyofMiddlesex,bytheRector,Vicar,orCuratethereof,atanytimeoftheyear,[atANYtimeoftheyear,Jack!]withoutpublicationofbans:Provided,thatbyreasonofanypre-contract,[IverilythinkthatIhavehadthreeorfourpre-contractsinmytime;butthegoodgirlshavenotclaimeduponthemofalongwhile,]consanguinity,affinity,oranyotherlawfulcausewhatsoever,therebenolawfulimpedimentonthisbehalf;andthattherebenotatthistimeanyaction,suit,plaint,quarrel,ordemand,movedordependingbeforeanyjudgeecclesiasticalortemporal,fororconcerninganymarriagecontractedbyorwitheitherofyou;andthatthesaidmarriagebeopenlysolemnizedinthechurchabove-mentioned,betweenthehoursof
eightandtwelveintheforenoon;andwithoutprejudicetotheministeroftheplacewherethesaidwomanisaparishioner:Wedohereby,forgoodcauses,[itcostme--letmesee,Jack--whatdiditcostme?]giveandgrantourLicense,aswelltoyouastothepartiescontracting,astotheRector,Vicar,orCurateofthesaidchurch,wherethesaidmarriageisintendedtobesolemnized,tosolemnizethesame,inmannerandformabovespecified,accordingtotheritesandceremoniesprescribedintheBookofCommonPrayerinthatbehalfpublishedbyauthorityofParliament.Providedalways,thatifhereafteranyfraudshallappeartohavebeencommitted,atthetimeofgrantingthisLicense,eitherbyfalse
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suggestions,orconcealmentofthetruth,[nowthis,Belford,isalittleharduponus;forIcannotsaythateveryoneofoursuggestionsisliterallytrue:--so,ingoodconscience,IoughtnottomarryunderthisLicense;]theLicenseshallbevoidtoallintentsandpurposes,asifthesamehadnotbeengranted.Andinthatcasewedoinhibitallministerswhatsoever,ifanythingofthepremisesshallcometotheirknowledge,fromproceedingtothecelebrationofthesaidMarriage;withoutfirstconsultingUs,orourVicar-general.Given,'&c.
Thenfollowtheregister'sname,andalargependentseal,withthesewordsroundit--SEALOFTHEVICAR-GENERALANDOFFICIALPRINCIPALOFTHEDIOCESEOFLONDON.
Agoodwhimsicalinstrument,takeitaltogether!Butwhat,thinkestthou,arethearmstothismatrimonialharbinger?--Why,inthefirstplace,twocrossedswords;toshowthatmarriageisastateofoffenceaswellasdefence;threelions;todenotethatthosewhoenterintothestateoughttohaveatripleproportionofcourage.And[couldstthouhaveimaginedthatthesepriestlyfellows,insosolemnacase,wouldcuttheirjokesuponpoorsoulswhocametohavetheirhonestdesiresputinawaytobegratified;]therearethreecrookedhorns,smartlytop-knottedwithribands;whichbeingtheladies'wear,seemtoindicatethattheymayveryprobablyadorn,aswellasbestow,thebull'sfeather.
Todescribeitaccordingtoheraldryart,ifIamnotmistaken--gules,twoswords,saltire-wise,or;secondcoat,achevronsablebetweenthreebugle-horns,OR[soitoughttobe]:onachiefofthesecond,threelionsrampantofthefirst--butthedeviltakethemfortheirhieroglyphics,shouldIsay,ifIweredeterminedingoodearnesttomarry!
AnddeterminedtomarryIwouldbe,wereitnotforthisconsideration,thatoncemarried,andIammarriedforlife.
That'stheplagueofit!--Couldamandoasthebirdsdo,changeeveryValentine'sday,[anaturalappointment!forbirdshavenotthesense,forsooth,tofetterthemselves,aswewiseacrementakegreatandsolemn
painstodo,]therewouldbenothingatallinit.Andwhataglorioustimewouldthelawyershave,ontheonehand,withtheirnoveriniuniversi's,andsuitscommenceableonrestitutionofgoodsandchattels;andtheparsons,ontheother,withtheirindulgencies[renewableannually,asotherlicenses]tothehonestdesiresoftheirclients?
Then,wereastatedmullet,accordingtorankorfortune,tobepaidoneverychange,towardstheexigenciesofthestate[butnoneonrenewalswiththeoldlives,forthesakeofencouragingconstancy,especiallyamongtheminores]thechangewouldbemadesufficientlydifficult,andthewholepublicwouldbethebetterforit;whilethosechildren,whichtheparentscouldnotagreeaboutmaintaining,mightbeconsideredasthechildrenofthepublic,andprovidedforlikethechildrenoftheantient
Spartans;whowere(asourswouldinthiscasebe)anationofheroes.How,Jack,couldIhaveimproveduponLycurgus'sinstitutionshadIbeenalawgiver!
DidInevershowtheeaschemewhichIdrewuponsuchanotionasthis?--InwhichIdemonstratedtheconveniencies,andobviatedtheinconveniencies,ofchangingthepresentmodetothis?IbelieveIneverdid.
IrememberIprovedtoademonstration,thatsuchachangewouldbea
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meanofannihilating,absolutelyannihilating,fourorfiveveryatrociousandcapitalsins.--Rapes,vulgarlysocalled;adultery,andfornication;norwouldpolygamybepantedafter.Frequentlywoulditpreventmurdersandduelling;hardlyanysuchthingasjealousy(thecauseofshockingviolences)wouldbeheardof:andhypocrisybetweenmanandwifebebanishedthebosomsofeach.Nor,probably,wouldthereproachofbarrennessrest,asitnowtoooftendoes,whereitisleastdeserved.--Norwouldtherepossiblybesuchapersonasabarrenwoman.
Moreover,whatamultitudeofdomesticquarrelswouldbeavoided,wheresuchaschemecarriedintoexecution?Sincebothsexeswouldbearwitheachother,intheviewthattheycouldhelpthemselvesinafewmonths.
Andthenwhatacharmingsubjectforconversationwouldbethegallantandgenerouslastpartingsbetweenmanandwife!Each,perhaps,anewmateineye,andrejoicingsecretlyinthemanumission,couldaffordtobecomplaisantlysorrowfulinappearance.'Hepresentedherwiththisjewel,itwillbesaidbythereporter,forexamplesake:shehimwiththat.Howhewept!Howshesobb'd!Howtheylookedafteroneanother!'Yet,that'sthejestofit,neitherofthemwishingtostandanothertwelvemonth'strial.
Andifgiddyfellows,orgiddygirls,misbehaveinafirstmarriage,whetherfromnoviceship,havingexpectedtofindmoreinthematterthan
canbefound;orfromperversenessonherpart,orpositivenessonhis,eachbeingmistakenintheother[amightydifference,Jack,inthesameperson,aninmateoravisiter];whatafineopportunitywilleachhave,bythisscheme,ofrecoveringalostcharacter,andofsettingallrightinthenextadventure?
And,OJack!withwhatjoy,withwhatrapture,wouldthechangelings(orchangeables,ifthoulikethatwordbetter)numbertheweeks,thedays,thehours,astheannualobligationapproachedtoitsdesirableperiod!
Asforthespleenorvapours,nosuchmaladywouldbeknownorheardof.Thephysicaltribewould,indeed,bethesufferers,andtheonlysufferers;sincefreshhealthandfreshspirits,theconsequencesof
sweetbloodandsweethumours(themindandbodycontinuallypleasedwitheachother)wouldperpetuallyflowin;andthejoysofexpectation,thehighestofallourjoys,wouldinvigorateandkeepallalive.
But,thatnobodyofmenmightsuffer,thephysicians,Ithought,mightturnparsons,astherewouldbeagreatdemandforparsons.Besides,astheywouldbepartakersinthegeneralbenefit,theymustbesorryfellowsindeediftheypreferredthemselvestothepublic.
Everyonewouldbemarriedadozentimesatleast.Bothmenandwomenwouldbecarefuloftheircharactersandpoliteintheirbehaviour,aswellasdelicateintheirpersons,andelegantintheirdress,[agreatmatteeachofthese,letmetellthee,tokeeppassionalive,]eitherto
inducearenewalwiththeoldlove,ortorecommendthemselvestoanew.Whilethenewspaperswouldbecrowdedwithparagraphs;alltheworldtheirreaders,asalltheworldwouldbeconcernedtoseewhoandwho'stogether--
'Yesterday,forinstance,enteredintotheholystateofmatrimony,'[weshouldallspeakreverentlyofmatrimony,then,]'therightHonourableRobertEarlLovelace'[Ishallbeanearlbythattime,]'withherGracetheDuchessDowagerofFifty-manors;hisLordship'sone-and-thirtiethwife.'--Ishallthenbecontented,perhaps,totakeup,asitiscalled,
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withawidow.Butshemustnothavehadmorethanonehusbandneither.ThouknowestthatIamniceintheseparticulars.
Iknow,Jack,thatthouforthypart,wiltapproveofmyscheme.
AsLordM.andI,betweenus,havethreeorfourboroughsatcommand,IthinkIwillgetintoparliament,inordertobringinabillforthisgoodpurpose.
Neitherwillthehouseofparliament,northehousesofconvocation,havereasontoobjectit.Andallthecourts,whetherspiritualorsensual,civiloruncivil,willfindtheiraccountinitwhenpassedintoalaw.
Bymysoul,Jack,Ishouldbeapprehensiveofageneralinsurrection,andthatincitedbythewomen,weresuchabilltobethrownout.--Forhereistheexcellencyofthescheme:thewomenwillhaveequalreasonwiththementobepleasedwithit.
Dostthink,thatoldprerogativeHarlowe,forexample,mustnot,ifsuchalawwereinbeing,havepulledinhishorns?--Soexcellentawifeashehas,wouldneverelsehaverenewedwithsuchagloomytyrant:who,aswellasallothermarriedtyrants,musthavebeenupongoodbehaviourfromyeartoyear.
Atermagantwife,ifsuchalawweretopass,wouldbeaphoenix.Thechurcheswouldbetheonlymarket-placeforthefairsex;anddomesticexcellencethecapitalrecommendation.
NorwouldtherebeanoldmaidinGreatBritain,andallitsterritories.Forwhatanoddsoulmustshebewhocouldnothavehertwelvemonth'strial?
Inshort,atotalalterationforthebetter,inthemoralsandwayoflifeinbothsexes,must,inaveryfewyears,betheconsequenceofsuchasalutarylaw.
Whowouldhaveexpectedsuchaonefromme!Iwishthedevilowemenotaspiteforit.
Thewouldnotthedistinctionbeverypretty,Jack?asinflowers;--suchagentleman,orsuchalady,isanANNUAL--suchaoneisaPERENNIAL.
Onedifficulty,however,asIremember,occurredtome,upontheprobabilitythatawifemightbeenceinte,asthelawyerscallit.ButthusIobviatedit--
Thatnomanshouldbeallowedtomarryanotherwomanwithouthisthenwife'sconsent,tillshewerebrought-to-bed,andhehaddefrayedallincidentcharges;andtillitwasagreeduponbetweenthemwhetherthe
childshouldbehis,her's,orthepublic's.ThewomeninthiscasetohavewhatIcallthecoerciveoption;forIwouldnothaveitintheman'spowertobeadogneither.
And,indeed,Igavetheturnofthescaleineverypartofmyschemeinthewomen'sfavour:fordearlydoIlovethesweetrogues.
Howinfinitelymorepreferablethismyschemetothepolygamyoneoftheoldpatriarchs;whohadwivesandconcubineswithoutnumber!--IbelieveDavidandSolomonhadtheirhundredsatatime.Hadtheynot,Jack?
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Letmeadd,thatannualparliaments,andannualmarriages,aretheprojectsnextmyheart.HowcouldIexpatiateuponthebenefitsthatwouldarisefromboth!
LETTERX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Well,butnowmyplotsthicken;andmyemploymentofwritingtotheeonthissubjectwillsooncometoaconclusion.Fornow,havinggotthelicense;andMrs.Townsendwithhertars,beingtocometoHampsteadnextWednesdayorThursday;andanotherletterpossibly,ormessagefromMissHowe,toinquirehowMissHarlowedoes,upontherustic'sreportofherillhealth,andtoexpressherwonderthatshehasnotheardformherinanswertoher'sonherescape;Imustsoonblowupthelady,orbeblownupmyself.AndsoIampreparing,withLadyBettyandmycousinMontague,towaituponmybelovedwithacoach-and-four,orasett;forLadyBettywillnotstiroutwithapairfortheworld;thoughbutfortwoorthreemiles.Andthisisawell-knownpartofhercharacter.
Butastothearmsandcrestuponthecoachandtrappings?DostthounotknowthataBlunt'smustsupplyher,whileherownisnewliningandrepairing?Anopportunitysheiswillingtotakenowsheisintown.Nothingofthiskindcanbedonetohermindinthecountry.LiveriesnearlyLadyBetty's.
ThouhastseenLadyBettyLawranceseveraltimes--hastthounot,Belford?
No,neverinmylife.
Butthouhast--andlainwithhertoo;orfamedoestheemorecreditthanthoudeservest--Why,Jack,knowestthounotLadyBetty'sothername?
Othername!--Hasshetwo?
Shehas.AndwhatthinkestthouofLadyBab.Wallis?
Othedevil!
Nowthouhastit.LadyBarbarathouknowest,liftedupincircumstances,andbypride,neverappearsorproducesherself,butonoccasionsspecial--topasstomenofqualityorprice,foraduchess,orcountess,atleast.Shehasalwaysbeenadmiredforagrandeurinherair,thatfewwomenofqualitycancomeupto;andneverwassupposedtobeotherthanwhatshepassedfor;thoughoftenandoftenaparamourforlords.
Andwho,thinkestthou,ismycousinMontague?
Nay,howshouldIknow?
Howindeed!Why,mylittleJohanettaGolding,alively,yetmodest-lookinggirl,ismycousinMontague.
There,Belford,isanaunt!--There'sacousin!--Bothhavewitatwill.Bothareaccustomedtoapequality.--Botharegenteellydescended.
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Mistressesofthemselves,andwelleducated--yetpastpity.--TrueSpartandames;ashamedofnothingbutdetection--always,therefore,upontheirguardagainstthat.Andintheirownconceit,whenassumingtopparts,theveryqualitytheyape.
AndhowdostthinkIdressthemout?--I'lltellthee.
LadyBettyinarichgoldtissue,adornedwithjewelsofhighprice.
MycousinMontagueinapalepink,standingonendwithsilverflowersofherownworking.Charlotteaswellasmybelovedisadmirableatherneedle.Notquitesorichlyjewell'doutasLadyBetty;butear-ringsandsolitaireveryvaluable,andinfinitelybecoming.
Johanetta,thouknowest,hasagoodcomplexion,afineneck,andearsremarkablyfine--sohasCharlotte.SheisnearlyofCharlotte'sstaturetoo.
Lacesboth,therichestthatcouldbeprocured.
Thoucanstnotimaginewhatasumtheloanofthejewelscostme,thoughbutforthreedays.
Thissweetgirlwillhalfruinme.Butseestthounot,bythistime,
thatherreignisshort!--Itmustbeso.AndMrs.Sinclairhasalreadypreparedeverythingforherreceptiononcemore.
***
Herecometheladies--attendedbySusanMorrison,atenant-farmer'sdaughter,asLadyBetty'swoman;withherhandsbeforeher,andthoroughlyinstructed.
Howdressadvantageswomen!--especiallythosewhohavenaturallyagenteelairandturn,andhavehadeducation.
Hadstthouseenhowtheyparadedit--Cousin,andCousin,andNephew,ateveryword;LadyBettybridlingandlookinghaughtily-condescending.--Charlottegalantingherfan,andswimmingoverthefloorwithouttouchingit.
HowIlongtoseemyniece-elect!criesone--fortheyaretoldthatwearenotmarried;andarepleasedthatIhavenotputtheslightuponthemthattheyhadapprehendedfromme.
HowIlongtoseemydearcousinthatistobe,theother!
YourLa'ship,andyourLa'ship,andanawkwardcourtesyateveryaddress
--primSusanMorrison.
Topyourparts,yevillains!--YouknowhownicelyIdistinguish.Therewillbenopassioninthiscasetoblindthejudgment,andtohelponmeditateddelusion,aswhenyouengagewithtitledsinners.Mycharmerisascoolandasdistinguishing,thoughnotquitesolearnedinherownsex,asIam.Yourcommonly-assumeddignitywon'tdoformenow.Airsofsuperiority,asifborntorank.--Butnoover-do!--Doubtingnothing.Letnotyourfacesarraignyourhearts.
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Easyandunaffected!--Yourverydresseswillgiveyouprideenough.
Alittlegraver,LadyBetty.--Moresignificance,lessbridlinginyourdignity.
That'stheair!Charminglyhit----Again----Youhaveit.
Deviltakeyou!--Lessarrogance.Youaregotintoairsofyoungquality.Belesssensibleofyournewcondition.Peopleborntodignitycommandrespectwithoutneedingtorequireit.
Nowforyourpart,CousinCharlotte!--
Prettywell.Butalittletoofrolickythatair.--YethaveIpreparedmybelovedtoexpectinyoubothgreatvivacityandquality-freedom.
Cursethoseeyes!--Thoseglancingswillneverdo.Adown-castbashfulturn,ifyoucancommandit.Lookuponme.Supposemenowtobemybeloved.
Deviltakethatleer.Toosignificantlyarch!--OnceIknewyouthegirlIwouldnowhaveyoutobe.
Sprightly,butnotconfident,cousinCharlotte!--Besureforgetnotto
lookdown,oraside,whenlookedat.Wheneyesmeeteyes,beyour'stheretreatingones.Yourfacewillbearexamination.
OLord!Lord!thatsoyoungacreaturecansosoonforgettheinnocentappearanceshefirstcharmedby;andwhichIthoughtbornwithyouall!--Fiveyearstoruinwhattwentyhadbeenbuildingup!Hownaturalthelatterlesson!Howdifficulttoregaintheformer!
Astranger,asIhopetobesaved,totheprincipalartsofyoursex!--Oncemore,whatadevilhasyourhearttodoinyoureyes?
HaveInottoldyou,thatmybelovedisagreatobserveroftheeyes?Sheoncequoteduponmeatext,*whichshowedmehowshecamebyher
knowledge--Dorcas'swerefoundguiltyoftreasonthefirstmomentshesawher.
*Eccles.xxvi.Thewhoredomofawomanmaybeknowninherhaughtylooksandeye-lids.Watchoveranimpudenteye,andmarvelnotifittrespassagainstthee.
Oncemore,supposemetobemycharmer.--Nowyouaretoencountermyexaminingeye,andmydoubtingheart--
That'smydear!
Studythatairinthepier-glass!--
Charmingly!--Perfectlyright!
Yourhonours,now,devils!--
Prettywell,CousinCharlotte,forayoungcountrylady!Tillformyieldstofamiliarity,youmaycourtesylow.Youmustnotbesupposedtohaveforgotyourboarding-schoolairs.
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Buttoolow,toolowLadyBetty,foryouryearsandyourquality.Thecommonfaultofyoursexwillbeyourdanger:aimingtobeyoungtoolong!--Thedevil'sinyouall,whenyoujudgeofyourselvesbyyourwishes,andbyyourvanity!Fifty,inthatcase,isnevermorethanfifteen.
Gracefulease,consciousdignity,likethatofmycharmer,Oh!howhardtohit!
Bothtogethernow--
Charming!--That'stheair,LadyBetty!--That'sthecue,CousinCharlotte,suitedtothecharacterofeach!--But,oncemore,besuretohaveaguarduponyoureyes.
Neverfear,Nephew!--
Neverfear,Cousin.
AdramofBarbadoeseach--
Andnowwearegone--
LETTERXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.ATMRS.SINCLAIR'S,MONDAYAFTERNOON.
All'sright,asheartcanwish!--Inspiteofallobjection--inspiteofareluctancenexttofaintings--inspiteofallforesight,vigilance,suspicion--oncemoreisthecharmerofmysoulinheroldlodgings!
Nowthrobsawayeverypulse!Nowthump,thump,thumpsmyboundingheart
forsomething!
ButIhavenottimefortheparticularsofourmanagement.
Mybelovedisnowdirectingsomeofherclothestobepackedup--nevermoretoenterthishouse!Norevermorewillshe,Idaresay,whenonceagainoutofit!
Yetnotsomuchasaconditionofforgiveness!--TheHarlowe-spiritedfair-onewillnotdeservemymercy!--ShewillwaitforMissHowe'snextletter;andthen,ifshefindadifficultyinhernewschemes,[Thankherfornothing,]--will--willwhat?Whyeventhenwilltaketimetoconsider,whetherIamtobeforgiven,orforeverrejected.An
indifferencethatrevivesinmyhearttheremembranceofathousandofthelikenature.--AndyetLadyBettyandMissMontague,[amanwouldbetemptedtothink,Jack,thattheywishhertoprovokemyvengeance,]declare,thatIoughttobesatisfiedwithsuchaproudsuspension!
Theyareentirelyattachedtoher.Whatevershesays,is,mustbe,gospel!TheyareguaranteesforherreturntoHampsteadthisnight.Theyaretogobackwithher.AsupperbespokenbyLadyBettyatMrs.Moore's.Allthevacantapartmentsthere,bymypermission,(forIhadengagedthemforamonthcertain,)tobefilledwiththemandtheir
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attendants,foraweekatleast,ortilltheycanprevailuponthedearperverse,astheyhopetheyshall,torestoremetoherfavour,andtoaccompanyLadyBettytoOxfordshire.
Thedearcreaturehasthusfarcondescended--thatshewillwritetoMissHoweandacquaintherwiththepresentsituationofthings.
Ifshewrite,Ishallseewhatshewrites.ButIbelieveshewillhaveotheremploymentsoon.
LadyBettyissure,shetellsher,thatsheshallprevailuponhertoforgiveme;thoughshedaressay,thatIdeservenotforgiveness.LadyBettyistoodelicatetoinquirestrictlyintothenatureofmyoffence.Butitmustbeanoffenceagainstherself,againstMissMontague,againstthevirtuousofthewholesex,oritcouldnotbesohighlyresented.Yetshewillnotleavehertillsheforgiveme,andtillsheseeournuptialsprivatelycelebrated.Meantime,assheapprovesofheruncle'sexpedient,shewilladdressherasalreadymywifebeforestrangers.
Stedman,hersolicitor,mayattendherforordersinrelationtoherchanceryaffair,atHampstead.Notonehourtheycanbefavouredwith,willtheylosefromthecompanyandconversationofsodear,socharminganewrelation.
Hardthenifshehadnotobligedthemwithhercompanyintheircoach-and-four,toandfromtheircousinLeeson's,wholonged,(astheythemselveshaddone,)toseealadysojustlycelebrated.
'HowwillLordM.berapturedwhenheseesher,andcansaluteherashisniece!
'HowwillLadySarahblessherself!--Shewillnowthinkherlossofthedeardaughtershemournsforhappilysupplied!'
MissMontaguedwellsuponeverywordthatfallsfromherlips.Sheperfectlyadoreshernewcousin--'Forhercousinshemustbe.Andhercousinwillshecallher!Sheanswersforequaladmirationinhersister
Patty.
'Ay,cryI,(whisperingloudenoughforhertohear,)howwillmycousinPatty'sdove'seyesglistenandrunover,ontheveryfirstinterview!--Sogracious,sonoble,sounaffectedadearcreature!'
'Whatahappyfamily,'chorusweall,'willour'sbe!'
Theseandsuchlikecongratulatoryadmirationseveryhourrepeated.Hermodestyhurtbytheecstaticpraises:--'Hergracesaretoonaturaltoherselfforhertobeproudofthem:butshemustbecontenttobepunishedforexcellenciesthatcastashadeuponthemostexcellent!'
Inshort,wearehere,asatHampstead,alljoyandrapture--allofusexceptmybeloved;inwhosesweetface,[heralmostfaintingreluctancetore-enterthesedoorsnotovercome,]reignsakindofanxiousserenity!--Buthowwilleventhatbechangedinafewhours!
MethinksIbegintopitythehalf-apprehensivebeauty!--Butavaunt,thouunseasonably-intrudingpity!Thouhastmorethanoncealreadywellnighundoneme!And,adieu,reflection!Begone,consideration!andcommiseration!Idismissyeall,foratleastaweektocome!--Butrememberedherbrokenword!Herflight,whenmyfondsoulwasmeditating
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mercytoher!--BerememberedhertreatmentofmeinherletteronherescapetoHampstead!HerHampsteadvirulence!WhatisitsheoughtnottoexpectfromanunchainedBeelzebub,andaplottingvillain?
Beherpreferenceofthesinglelifetomealsoremembered!--Thatshedespisesme!--ThatsheevenrefusestobemyWIFE!--AproudLovelacetobedeniedawife!--TobemoreproudlyrejectedbyadaughteroftheHarlowes!--Theladiesofmyownfamily,[shethinksthemtheladiesofmyfamily,]supplicatinginvainforherreturningfavourtotheirdespisedkinsman,andtakinglawsfromherstillprouderpunctilio!
Betheexecrationsofhervixenfriendlikewiseremembered,pouredoutuponmefromherrepresentations,andtherebymadeherownexecrations!
BerememberedstillmoreparticularlytheTownsendplot,setonfootbetweenthem,andnow,inadayortwo,readytobreakout;andthesordidthreateningthrownoutagainstmebythatlittlefury!
IsnotthisthecrisisforwhichIhavebeenlongwaiting?ShallTomlinson,shallthesewomenbeengaged;shallsomanyenginesbesetatwork,atanimmenseexpense,withinfinitecontrivance;andalltonopurpose?
Isnotthisthehourofhertrial--andinher,ofthetrialofthevirtue
ofherwholesex,solongpremeditated,solongthreatened?--Whetherherfrostbefrostindeed?Whetherhervirtuebeprinciple?Whether,ifoncesubdued,shewillnotbealwayssubdued?Andwillshenotwantthecrownofherglory,theproofofhertillnowall-surpassingexcellence,ifIstopshortoftheultimatetrial?
Nowistheendofpurposeslongover-awed,oftensuspended,athand.AndneedIgothrowthesinsofhercursedfamilyintothetoo-weightyscale?
[Abhorredbeforce!--bethethoughtsofforce!--There'snotriumphoverthewillinforce!]ThisIknowIhavesaid.*ButwouldInothaveavoidedit,ifIcould?HaveInottriedeveryothermethod?AndhaveIanyotherresourceleftme?Cansheresentthelastoutragemorethan
shehasresentedafaintereffort?--Andifherresentmentsruneversohigh,cannotIrepairbymatrimony?--Shewillnotrefuseme,Iknow,Jack:thehaughtybeautywillnotrefuseme,whenherprideofbeingcorporallyinviolateisbroughtdown;whenshecantellnotales,butwhen,(beherresistancewhatitwill,)evenherownsexwillsuspectayieldinginresistance;andwhenthatmodesty,whichmayfillherbosomwithresentment,willlockupherspeech.
*Vol.IV.LetterXLVIII.
ButhowknowI,thatIhavenotmademyowndifficulties?Isshenota
woman!Whatredressliesforaperpetuatedevil?Mustshenotlive?Herpietywillsecureherlife.--Andwillnottimebemyfriend!What,inaword,willbeherbehaviourafterwards?--Shecannotflyme!--Shemustforgiveme--andasIhaveoftensaid,onceforgiven,willbeforeverforgiven.
Whythenshouldthisenervatingpityunsteelmyfoolishheart?
Itshallnot.AllthesethingswillIremember;andthinkofnothingelse,inordertokeepuparesolution,whichthewomenaboutmewill
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haveitIshallbestillunabletohold.
I'llteachthedear,charmingcreaturetoemulatemeincontrivance;I'llteachhertoweavewebsandplotsagainstherconqueror!I'llshowher,thatinhersmugglingschemessheisbutaspidercomparedtome,andthatshehasallthistimebeenspinningonlyacobweb!
***
Whatshallwedonow!weareimmersedinthedepthofgriefandapprehension!Howilldowomenbeardisappointment!--SetupongoingtoHampstead,anduponquittingforeverahouseshere-enteredwithinfinitereluctance;whatthingssheintendedtotakewithherreadypackedup,herselfontiptoetobegone,andIpreparedtoattendherthither;shebeginstobeafraidthatsheshallnotgothisnight;andingriefanddespairhasflungherselfintoheroldapartment;lockedherselfin;andthroughthekey-holeDorcasseesheronherknees,praying,Isuppose,forasafedeliverance.
Andfromwhat?andwhereforetheseagonizingapprehensions?
Why,here,thisunkindLadyBetty,withthedearcreature'sknowledge,
thoughtoherconcern,andthismad-headedcousinMontaguewithoutit,whileshewasemployedindirectingherpackage,havehurriedawayinthecoachtotheirownlodgings,[only,indeed,toputupsomenight-clothes,andsoforth,inordertoattendtheirsweetcousintoHampstead;]and,nolesstomysurprisethanher's,arenotyetreturned.
Ihavesenttoknowthemeaningofit.
Inagreathurryofspirits,shewouldhavehadmetogomyself.Hardlyanypacifyingher!Thegirl,Godblessher!iswildwithherownidleapprehensions!Whatissheafraidof?
Icursethembothfortheirdelay.Mytardyvillain,howhestays!
Devilfetchthem!letthemsendtheircoach,andwe'llgowithoutthem.InherhearingIbidthefellowtellthemso.Perhapshestaystobringthecoach,ifanythinghappenstohindertheladiesfromattendingmybelovedthisnight.
***
Deviltakethem,againsayI!Theypromisedtootheywouldnotstay,becauseitwasbuttwonightsagothatachariotwasrobbedatthefootofHampstead-hill,whichalarmedmyfair-onewhentoldofit!
Oh!here'sLadyBetty'sservant,withabillet.
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.MONDAYNIGHT.
Excuseus,mydearNephew,Ibeseechyou,tomydearestkinswoman.Onenightcannotbreaksquares:forhereMissMontaguehasbeentakenviolentlyillwiththreefaintingfits,oneafteranother.Thehurryofherjoy,Ibelieve,tofindyourdearladysomuchsurpassall
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expectations,[neverdidfamilylove,youknow,reignsostrongasamongus,]andthetooeagerdesireshehadtoattendher,haveoccasionedit!Forshehasbutweakspirits,poorgirl!wellasshelooks.
Ifshebebetter,wewillcertainlygowithyoutomorrowmorning,afterwehavebreakfastedwithher,atyourlodgings.Butwhethershebe,ornot,IwilldomyselfthepleasuretoattendyourladytoHampstead;andwillbewithyouforthatpurposeaboutnineinthemorning.Withduecomplimentstoyourmostworthilybeloved,Iam
Your'saffectionately,ELIZAB.LAWRANCE.
***
Faithandtroth,Jack,Iknownotwhattodowithmyself;forhere,justnowhavingsentintheabovenotebyDorcas,outcamemybelovedwithitinherhand,inafitofphrensy!--true,bymysoul!
Shehadindeedcomplainedofherheadalltheevening.
Dorcasrantome,outofbreath,totellme,thatherladywascomingin
somestrangeway;butshefollowedhersoquick,thatthefrightedwenchhadnottimetosayinwhatway.
Itseems,whenshereadthebillet--Nowindeed,saidshe,amIalostcreature!OthepoorClarissaHarlowe!
Shetoreoffherhead-clothes;inquiredwhereIwas;andinshecame,hershiningtressesflowingaboutherneck;herrufflestorn,andhangingintattersabouthersnowyhands,withherarmsspreadout--hereyeswildlyturned,asifstartingfromtheirorbits--downsunksheatmyfeet,assoonassheapproachedme;hercharmingbosomheavingtoherupliftedface;andclaspingherarmsaboutmyknees,DearLovelace,saidshe,ifever--ifever--ifever--and,unabletospeakanotherword,quittingher
claspinghold--down--prostrateonthefloorsunkshe,neitherinafitnoroutofone.
Iwasquiteastonished.--Allmypurposessuspendedforafewmoments,Iknewneitherwhattosay,norwhattodo.But,recollectingmyself,amIagain,thoughtI,inawaytobeovercome,andmadeafoolof!--IfInowrecede,Iamgoneforever.
Iraisedher;butdownshesunk,asifquitedisjointed--herlimbsfailingher--yetnotinafitneither.Ineverheardoforsawsuchadearunaccountable;almostlifeless,andspeechlesstooforafewmoments;whatmustherapprehensionsbeatthatmoment?--Andforwhat?--Anhigh-notioneddearsoul!--Prettyignorance!--thoughtI.
Neverhavingmetwithsosincere,sounquestionablearepugnance,Iwasstaggered--Iwasconfounded--yethowshouldIknowthatitwouldbesotillItried?--Andhow,havingproceededthusfar,couldIstop,wereInottohavehadthewomentogoadmeon,andtomakelightofcircumstances,whichtheypretendedtobebetterjudgesofthanI?
Iliftedher,however,intoachair,andinwordsofdisorderedpassion,toldher,allherfearswereneedless--wonderedatthem--beggedofhertobepacified--besoughtherrelianceonmyfaithandhonour--andrevowed
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allmyoldvows,andpouredforthnewones.
Atlast,withaheart-breakingsob,Isee,Isee,Mr.Lovelace,inbrokensentencesshespoke--Isee,Isee--thatatlast--Iamruined!--Ruined,ifyourpity--letmeimploreyourpity!--anddownonherbosom,likeahalf-broken-stalkedlilytop-heavywiththeoverchargingdewsofthemorning,sunkherhead,withasighthatwenttomyheart.
AllIcouldthinkoftore-assureher,whenalittlerecovered,Isaid.
WhydidInotsendfortheircoach,asIhadintimated?Itmightreturninthemorningfortheladies.
Ihadactuallydoneso,Itoldher,onseeingherstrangeuneasiness.ButitwasthengonetofetchadoctorforMissMontague,lesthischariotshouldnotbesoready.
Ah!Lovelace!saidshe,withadoubtingface;anguishinherimploringeye.
LadyBettywouldthinkitverystrange,Itoldher,ifsheweretoknowitwassodisagreeabletohertostayonenightforhercompanyinthehousewhereshehadpassedsomany.
Shecalledmenamesuponthis--shehadcalledmenamesbefore.--Iwaspatient.
LethergotoLadyBetty'slodgingsthen;directlygo;ifthepersonIcalledLadyBettywasreallyLadyBetty.
If,mydear!GoodHeaven!WhatavillaindoesthatIFshowyoubelievemetobe!
Icannothelpit--Ibeseechyouoncemore,letmegotoMrs.Leeson's,ifthatIFoughtnottobesaid.
Thenassumingamoreresolutespirit--Iwillgo!Iwillinquiremyway!
--Iwillgobymyself!--andwouldhaverushedbyme.
Ifoldedmyarmsabouthertodetainher;pleadingthebadwayIheardpoorCharlottewasin;andwhatafartherconcernherimpatience,ifshewent,wouldgivetopoorCharlotte.
ShewouldbelievenothingIsaid,unlessIwouldinstantlyorderacoach,(sinceshewasnottohaveLadyBetty's,norwaspermittedtogotoMrs.Leeson's,)andlethergoinittoHampstead,lateasitwas,andallalone,somuchthebetter;forinthehouseofpeopleofwhomLadyBetty,uponinquiry,hadheardabadcharacter,[Droptfoolishlythis,bymypratingnewrelation,inordertodocredittoherself,bydepreciatingothers,]everything,andeveryface,lookingwithsomuchmeaning
vileness,aswellasmyown,[thouartstilltoosensible,thoughtI,mycharmer!]shewasresolvednottostayanothernight.
Dreadingwhatmighthappenastoherintellects,andbeingveryapprehensivethatshemightpossiblygothroughagreatdealbeforemorning,(thoughmoreviolentshecouldnotwellbewiththeworstshedreaded,)Ihumouredher,andorderedWill.toendeavourtogetacoachdirectly,tocarryustoHampstead;Icarednotatwhatprice.
Robbers,withwhomIwouldhaveterrifiedher,shefearednot--Iwasall
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herfear,Ifound;andthishouseherterror:forIsawplainlythatshenowbelievedthatLadyBettyandMissMontaguewerebothimpostors.
Buthermistrustisalittleofthelatesttodoherservice!
And,OJack,therageoflove,therageofrevengeisuponme!byturnstheytearme!Theprogressalreadymade--thewomen'sinstigations--thepowerIshallhavetotryhertotheutmost,andstilltomarryher,ifshebenottobebroughttocohabitation--letmeperish,Belford,ifsheescapemenow!
***
Will.isnotyetcomeback.Neareleven.
***
Will.isthismomentreturned.Nocoachtobegot,eitherforloveormoney.
Oncemoresheurges--toMrs.Leeson's,letmego,Lovelace!GoodLovelace,letmegotoMrs.Leeson's?WhatisMissMontague'sillnesstomyterror?---FortheAlmighty'ssake,Mr.Lovelace!--herhandsclasped.
Omyangel!Whatawildnessisthis!Doyouknow,doyousee,mydearestlife,whatappearancesyourcauselessapprehensionshavegivenyou?--Doyouknowitispasteleveno'clock?
Twelve,one,two,three,four--anyhour,Icarenot--Ifyoumeanmehonourably,letmegooutofthishatedhouse!
Thou'ltobserve,Belford,thatthoughthiswaswrittenafterwards,yet,
(asinotherplaces,)Iwriteitasitwasspokenandhappened,asifIhadretiredtoputdowneverysentencespoken.Iknowthoulikestthislivelypresent-tensemanner,asitisoneofmypeculiars.
Justasshehadrepeatedthelastwords,Ifyoumeanmehonourably,letmegooutofthishatedhouse,incameMrs.Sinclair,inagreatferment--Andwhat,pray,Madam,hasthishousedonetoyou?Mr.Lovelace,youhaveknownmesometime;and,ifIhavenotthenicenessofthislady,IhopeIdonotdeservetobetreatedthus!
Shesetherhugearmsakimbo:Hoh!Madam,letmetellyouthatIamamazedatyourfreedomswithmycharacter!And,Mr.Lovelace,[holdingup,andviolentlyshakingherhead,]ifyouareagentleman,andamanof
honour----
Havingneverbeforeseenanythingbutobsequiousnessinthiswoman,littleasshelikedher,shewasfrightedathermasculineair,andfiercelook--Godhelpme!criedshe--whatwillbecomeofmenow!Then,turningherheadhitherandthither,inawildkindofamaze.WhomhaveIforaprotector!Whatwillbecomeofmenow!
Iwillbeyourprotector,mydearestlove!--ButindeedyouareuncharitablysevereuponpoorMrs.Sinclair!Indeedyouare!--Sheisa
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gentlewomanborn,andtherelictofamanofhonour;andthoughleftinsuchcircumstanceastoobligehertoletlodgings,yetwouldshescorntobeguiltyofawilfulbaseness.
Ihopeso--itmaybeso--Imaybemistaken--but--butthereisnocrime,Ipresume,notreason,tosayIdon'tlikeherhouse.
Theolddragonstraddleduptoher,withherarmskemboedagain--hereye-browserect,likethebristlesuponahog'sback,and,scoulingoverhershortenednose,morethanhalf-hidherferreteyes.Hermouthwasdistorted.Shepoutedoutherblubber-lips,asiftobellowsupwindandsputterintoherhorse-nostrils;andherchinwascurdled,andmorethanusuallyprominentwithpassion.
WithtwoHoh-Madamssheaccostedthefrightedfair-one;who,terrified,caughtholdofmysleeve.
Ifearedshewouldfallintofits;and,withalookofindignation,toldMrs.Sinclairthattheseapartmentsweremine;andIcouldnotimaginewhatshemeant,eitherbylisteningtowhatpassedbetweenmeandmyspouse,ortocomeinuninvited;andstillmoreIwonderedathergivingherselfthesestrangeliberties.
Imaybetoblame,Jack,forsufferingthiswretchtogiveherselfthese
airs;buthercominginwaswithoutmyorders.Theoldbeldam,throwingherselfintoachair,fellablubberingandexclaiming.Andthepacifyingofher,andendeavouringtoreconciletheladytoher,tookuptillnearoneo'clock.
Andthus,betweenterror,andthelatehour,andwhatfollowed,shewasdivertedfromthethoughtsofgettingoutofthehousetoMrs.Leeson's,oranywhereelse.
LETTERXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAYMORNING,JUNE13.
Andnow,Belford,Icangonofarther.Theaffairisover.Clarissalives.AndIam
Yourhumbleservant,R.LOVELACE.
[ThewholeofthisblacktransactionisgivenbytheinjuredladytoMissHowe,inhersubsequentletters,datedThursday,July6.SeeLettersLXVII.LXVIII.LXIX.]
LETTERXIII
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WATFORD,WEDN.JAN.14.
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Othousavage-heartedmonster!Whatworkhastthoumadeinoneguiltyhour,forawholeageofrepentance!
Iaminexpressiblyconcernedatthefateofthismatchlesslady!Shecouldnothavefallenintothehandsofanyothermanbreathing,andsufferedasshehasdonewiththee.
Ihadwrittenagreatpartofanotherlonglettertotrytosoftenthyflintyheartinherfavour;forIthoughtitbuttoolikelythatthoushouldstsucceedingettingherbackagaintotheaccursedwoman's.ButIfinditwouldhavebeentoolate,hadIfinishedit,andsentitaway.YetcannotIforbearwriting,tourgetheetomaketheonlyamendsthounowcanstmakeher,byaproperuseofthelicensethouhastobtained.
Poor,poorlady!ItisapaintomethatIeversawher.Suchanadorerofvirtuetobesacrificedtothevilestofhersex;andthoutheirimplementinthedevil'shand,forapurposesobase,soungenerous,soinhumane!--Pridethyself,Ocruellestofmen!inthisreflection;andthatthytriumphoverawoman,whoforthysakewasabandonedofeveryfriendshehadintheworld,waseffected;notbyadvantagestakenofherweaknessandcredulity;butbytheblackestartifice;afteralongcourseofstudieddeceitshadbeentriedtonopurpose.
Icantellthee,itiswelleitherfortheeorforme,thatIamnotthebrotherofthelady.HadIbeenherbrother,herviolationmusthavebeenfollowedbythebloodofoneofus.
Excuseme,Lovelace;andletnottheladyfaretheworseformyconcernforher.AndyetIhavebutoneothermotivetoaskthyexcuse;andthatis,becauseIowetothyowncommunicativepentheknowledgeIhaveofthybarbarousvillany,sincethoumightest,ifthouwouldst,havepassedituponmeforacommonseduction.
CLARISSALIVES,thousayest.Thatshedoesismywonder:andthesewordsshowthatthouthyself(thoughthoucouldst,nevertheless,proceed)
hardlyexpectedstshewouldhavesurvivedtheoutrage.Whatmusthavebeenthepoorlady'sdistress(watchfulasshehadbeenoverherhonour)whendreadfulcertaintytookplaceofcruelapprehension!--Andyetamanmayguesswhatmusthavebeen,bythatwhichthoupaintest,whenshesuspectedherselftricked,deserted,andbetrayed,bythepretendedladies.
Thatthoucouldstbeholdherphrensyonthisoccasion,andherhalf-speechless,half-faintingprostrationatthyfeet,andyetretainthyevilpurposes,willhardlybethoughtcredible,evenbythosewhoknowthee,iftheyhaveseenher.
Poor,poorlady!Withsuchnoblequalitiesaswouldhaveadornedthe
mostexaltedmarriedlife,tofallintothehandsoftheonlymanintheworld,whocouldhavetreatedherasthouhasttreatedher!--Andtoletloosetheolddragon,asthouproperlycallesther,uponthebefore-affrightedinnocent,whatabarbaritywasthat!Whatapoorpieceofbarbarity!inordertoobtainbyterror,whatthoudispairedsttogainbylove,thoughsupportedbystratagemsthemostinsidious!
OLOVELACE!LOVELACE!hadIdoubteditbefore,Ishouldnowbeconvinced,thattheremustbeaWORLDAFTERTHIS,todojusticetoinjuredmerit,andtopunishbarbarousperfidy!Couldthedivine
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SOCRATES,andthedivineCLARISSA,otherwisehavesuffered?
Butletme,ifpossible,foronemoment,trytoforgetthisvillanousoutrageonthemostexcellentofwomen.
Ihavebusinessherewhichwillholdmeyetafewdays;andthenperhapsIshallquitthishouseforever.
Ihavehadasolemnandtedioustimeofit.IshouldneverhaveknownthatIhadhalftherespectIreallyfindIhadfortheoldgentleman,hadInotsoclosely,athisearnestdesire,attendedhim,andbeenawitnessofthetorturesheunderwent.
Thismelancholyoccasionmaypossiblyhavecontributedtohumanizeme:butsurelyInevercouldhavebeensoremorselessacaitiffasthouhastbeen,toawomanofhalfthislady'sexcellence.
Butpr'ythee,dearLovelace,ifthou'rtaman,andnotadevil,resolve,outofhand,torepairthysinofingratitude,byconferringuponthyselfthehighesthonourthoucanstreceive,inmakingherlawfullythine.
Butifthoucanstnotprevailuponthyselftodoherthisjustice,IthinkIshouldnotscrupleatiltwiththee,[aneverlastingruptureatleastmustfollow]ifthousacrificesthertotheaccursedwomen.
ThouartdesiroustoknowwhatadvantageIreapbymyuncle'sdemise.Idonotcertainlyknow;forIhavenotbeensogreedilysolicitousonthissubjectassomeofthekindredhavebeen,whooughttohaveshownmoredecency,asIhavetoldthem,andsufferedthecorpsetohavebeencoldbeforetheyhadbeguntheirhungryinquiries.But,bywhatIgatheredfromthepoorman'stalktome,whooftenerthanIwishedtoucheduponthesubject,Ideemitwillbeupwardsof5000£.incash,andinthefunds,afteralllegaciespaid,besidestherealestate,whichisaclear1000£.a-year.
Iwish,frommyheart,thouwertamoney-lover!Weretheestatetobeofdoublethevalue,thoushouldsthaveiteveryshilling;onlyuponone
condition[formycircumstancesbeforewereaseasyasIwishthemtobewhileIamsingle]--thatthouwouldstpermitmethehonourofbeingthisfatherlesslady'sfather,asitiscalled,atthealtar.
Thinkofthis!mydearLovelace!behonest:andletmepresenttheewiththebrightestjewelthatmaneverpossessed;andthen,bodyandsoul,wiltthoubindtotheeforeverthy
BELFORD.
LETTERXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.THURSDAY,JUNE15.
Letmealone,yougreatdog,you!--letmealone!--haveIheardalesserboy,hiscowardarmsheldoverhisheadandface,saytoabigger,whowaspommelinghim,forhavingrunawaywithhisapple,hisorange,orhisginger-bread.
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SosayItothee,onoccasionofthyseveritytothypoorfriend,who,asthouownest,hasfurnishedthee(ungenerousasthouart!)withtheweaponsthoubrandishestsofearfullyagainsthim.--Andtowhatpurpose,whenthemischiefisdone?when,ofconsequence,theaffairisirretrievable?andwhenaCLARISSAcouldnotmoveme?
Well,but,afterall,Imustown,thatthereissomethingverysingularinthislady'scase:and,attimes,IcannothelpregrettingthateverIattemptedher;sincenotonepowereitherofbodyorsoulcouldbemovedinmyfavour;andsince,tousetheexpressionofthephilosopher,onamuchgraveroccasion,thereisnodifferencetobefoundbetweentheskullofKingPhilipandthatofanotherman.
Butpeople'sextravagantnotionsofthingsalternotfacts,Belford:and,whenall'sdone,MissClarissaHarlowehasbutrunthefateofathousandothersofhersex--onlythattheydidnotsetsucharomanticvalueuponwhattheycalltheirhonour;that'sall.
AndyetIwillallowtheethis--thatifapersonsetsahighvalueuponanything,beiteversuchatrifleinitself,orintheeyeofothers,therobbingofthatpersonofitisnotatrifletohim.Takethematterinthislight,IownIhavedonewrong,greatwrong,tothisadmirablecreature.
ButhaveInotknowntwentyandtwentyofthesex,whohaveseemedtocarrytheirnotionsofvirtuehigh;yet,whenbroughttothetest,haveabatedoftheirseverity?Andhowshouldwebeconvincedthatanyofthemareprooftilltheyaretried?
AthousandtimeshaveIsaid,thatIneveryetmetwithsuchawomanasthis.IfIhad,IhardlyevershouldhaveattemptedMissClarissaHarlowe.Hithertosheisallangel:andwasnotthatthepointwhichatsettingoutIproposedtotry?*Andwasnotcohabitationevermydarlingview?AndamInotnow,atlast,inthehighroadtoit?--Itistrue,thatIhavenothingtoboastofastoherwill.Theverycontrary.Butnowarewecometothetest,whethershecannotbebroughttomakethebestofanirreparableevil.Ifsheexclaim,[shehasreasontoexclaim,
andIwillsitdownwithpatiencebythehourtogethertohearherexclamations,tillsheistiredofthem,]shewillthendescendtoexpostulationperhaps:expostulationwillgivemehope:expostulationwillshowthatshehatesmenot.And,ifshehatemenot,shewillforgive:and,ifshenowforgive,thenwillallbeover;andshewillbemineuponmyownterms:anditshallthenbethewholestudyofmyfuturelifetomakeherhappy.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.
So,Belford,thouseestthatIhavejourneyedontothisstage[indeed,
throughinfinitemazes,andasinfiniteremorses]withonedeterminedpointinviewfromthefirst.Tothyurgentsupplicationthen,thatIwilldohergratefuljusticebymarriage,letmeanswerinMatt.Prior'stwolinesonhishoped-forauditorship;asputintothemouthsofhisSt.JohnandHarley;
---Letthatbedone,whichMatt.dothsay.YEA,quoththeEarl--BUTNOTTO-DAY.
Thouseest,Jack,thatImakenoresolutions,however,againstdoingher,
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onetimeorother,thewished-forjustice,evenwereItosucceedinmyprincipalview,cohabitation.AndofthisIdoassurethee,that,ifIevermarry,itmust,itshallbeMissClarissaHarlowe.--Norisherhonouratallimpairedwithme,bywhatshehassofarsuffered:butthecontrary.Shemustonlytakecarethat,ifshebeatlastbroughttoforgiveme,sheshowmethatherLovelaceistheonlymanonearthwhomshecouldhaveforgivenonthelikeoccasion.
Butah,Jack!what,inthemeantime,shallIdowiththisadmirablecreature?Atpresent--[Iamlothtosayit--but,atpresent]sheisquitestupified.
Ihadrather,methinks,sheshouldhaveretainedallheractivepowers,thoughIhadsufferedbyhernailsandherteeth,thanthatsheshouldbesunkintosuchastateofabsolute--insensibility(shallIcallit?)asshehasbeenineverysinceTuesdaymorning.Yet,asshebeginsalittletorevive,andnow-and-thentocallnames,andtoexclaim,Idreadalmosttoengagewiththeanguishofaspiritthatowesitsextraordinaryagitationstoanicenessthathasnoexampleeitherinancientormodernstory.For,afterall,whatisthereinhercasethatshouldstupifysuchaglowing,suchabloomingcharmer?--Excessofgrief,excessofterror,havemadeaperson'shairstandonend,andeven(aswehaveread)changedthecolourofit.Butthatitshouldsostupify,astomakeaperson,attimes,insensibletothoseimaginarywrongs,which
wouldraiseothersfromstupifaction,isverysurprising!ButIwillleavethissubject,leastitshouldmakemetoograve.
IwasyesterdayatHampstead,anddischargedallobligationsthere,withnosmallapplause.Itoldthemthattheladywasnowashappyasmyself:andthatisnogreatuntruth;forIamnotaltogetherso,whenIallowmyselftothink.
Mrs.Townsend,withhertars,hadnotbeenthenthere.ItoldthemwhatIwouldhavethemsaytoher,ifshecame.
Well,but,afterall[howmanyafter-all'shaveI?]Icouldbevery
grave,wereItogivewaytoit.--Thedeviltakemeforafool!What'sthemattewithme,Iwonder!--Imustbreatheafresherairforafewdays.
ButwhatshallIdowiththisadmirablecreaturethewhile?--Hangme,ifIknow!--For,ifIstir,thevenomousspiderofthishabitationwillwanttosetuponthecharmingfly,whosesilkenwingsarealreadysoentangledinmyenormousweb,thatshecannotmovehandorfoot:forsomuchhasgriefstupifiedher,thatsheisatpresentdestituteofwill,asshealwaysseemedtobeofdesire.Imustnotthereforethinkofleavingheryetfortwodaystogether.
LETTERXV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Ihavejustnowhadaspecimenofwhattheresentmentofthisdearcreaturewillbewhenquiterecovered:anaffectingone!--ForenteringherapartmentafterDorcas;andendeavouringtosootheandpacifyherdisorderedmind;inthemidstofmyblandishments,shehelduptoHeaven,
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inaspeechlessagony,theinnocentlicense(whichshehasinherownpower);asthepoordistressedCatalanshelduptheirEnglishtreaty,onanoccasionthatkeepstheworstofmyactionsincountenance.
Sheseemedabouttocalldownvengeanceuponme;when,happilytheleadengod,inpitytohertremblingLovelace,wavedoverherhalf-drownedeyeshissomniferouswant,andlaidasleepthefairexclaimer,beforeshecouldgohalfthroughwithherintendedimprecation.
Thouwiltguess,bywhatIhavewritten,thatsomelittlearthasbeenmadeuseof:butitwaswithagenerousdesign(ifthou'ltallowmethewordonsuchanoccasion)inordertolessenthetoo-quicksenseshewaslikelytohaveofwhatshewastosuffer.AcontrivanceIneverhadoccasionforbefore,andhadnotthoughtofnow,ifMrs.Sinclairhadnotproposedittome:towhomIleftthemanagementofit:andIhavedonenothingbutcursehereversince,lestthequantityshouldhaveforeverdampenedhercharmingintellects.
Hencemyconcern--forIthinkthepoorladyoughtnottohavebeensotreated.Poorlady,didIsay?--WhathaveItodowiththycreepingstyle?--ButhavenotItheworstofit;sinceherinsensibilityhasmademebutathieftomyownjoys?
Ididnotintendtotelltheeofthislittleinnocenttrick;forsuchI
designedittobe;butthatIhatedisingenuousness:tothee,especially:andasIcannothelpwritinginamoreseriousveinthanusual,thouwouldstperhaps,hadInothintedthetruecause,haveimaginedthatIwassorryforthefactitself:andthiswouldhavegiventheeagooddealoftroubleinscribblingdullpersuasivestorepairbymatrimony;andmeinreadingthycruelnonsense.Besides,onedayorother,thoumightest,hadInotconfessedit,haveheardofitinanaggravatedmanner;andIknowthouhastsuchanhighopinionofthislady'svirtue,thatthouwouldstbedisappointed,ifthouhadstreasontothinkthatshewassubduedbyherownconsent,oranytheleastyieldinginherwill.Andsoisshebeholdentomeinsomemeasure,that,attheexpenseofmyhonour,shemaysojustlyformaplea,whichwillentirelysalveher's.
Andnowisthewholesecretout.
ThouwiltsayIamahorridfellow!--Astheladydoes,thatIamtheunchainedBeelzebub,andaplottingvillain:andasthisiswhatyoubothsaidbeforehand,andnothingworsecanbesaid,Idesire,ifthouwouldstnothavemequiteseriouswiththee,andthatIshouldthinkthoumeanestmorebythytiltinghintthanIamwillingtobelievethoudost,thatthouwiltforbearthyinvectives:Forisnotthethingdone?--Canitbehelped?--AndmustInotnowtrytomakethebestofit?--AndtheratherdoIenjointomaketheethis,andinviolablesecrecy;becauseIbegintothinkthatmypunishmentwillbegreaterthanthefault,wereittobeonlyfrommyownreflection.
LETTERXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAY,JUNE16.
Iamsorrytohearofthymisfortune;buthopethouwiltnotlongliebyit.Thyservanttellsmewhatnarrowescapethouhadstwiththyneck,I
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wishitmaynotbeominous:butIthinkthouseemestnottobeinsoenterprisingawayasformerly;andyet,merryorsad,thouseestarake'sneckisalwaysindanger,ifnotfromthehangman,fromhisownhorse.But,'tisavicioustoad,itseems;andIthinkthoushouldstneverventureuponhisbackagain;for'tisaplaguythingforriderandhorsebothtobevicious.
Thefellowtellsme,thoudesirestmetocontinuetowritetotheeinordertodivertthychagrinonthyforcedconfinement:buthowcanIthinkitinmypowertodivert,whenmysubjectisnotpleasingtomyself?
Caesarneverknewwhatitwastobehipped,Iwillcallit,tillhecametobewhatPompeywas;thatistosay,tillhearrivedattheheightofhisambition:nordidthyLovelaceknowwhatitwastobegloomy,tillhehadcompletedhiswishesuponthemostcharmingcreatureintheworld.
AndyetwhysayIcompleted?whenthewill,theconsent,iswanting--andIhavestillviewsbeforemeofobtainingthat?
YetIcouldalmostjoinwiththeeinthewish,whichthousendestmeupbythyservant,unfriendlyasitis,thatIhadhadthymisfortunebeforeMondaynightlast:forhere,thepoorladyhasrunintoa
contraryextremetothatItoldtheeofinmylast:fornowissheasmuchtoolively,asbeforeshewastoostupid;and'batingthatshehasprettyfrequentlucidintervals,wouldbedeemedravingmad,andIshouldbeobligedtoconfineher.
Iammostconfoundedlydisturbedaboutit:forIbegintofearthatherintellectsareirreparablyhurt.
Whothedevilcouldhaveexpectedsuchstrangeeffectsfromacausesocommonandsoslight?
Butthesehigh-souledandhigh-sensedgirls,whohadsetupforshininglightsandexamplestotherestofthesex,arewithsuchdifficulty
broughtdowntothecommonstandard,thatawiseman,whoprefershispeaceofmindtohisglory,insubduingoneofthatexaltedclass,wouldhavenothingtosaytothem.
Idoallinmypowertoquietherspirits,whenIforcemyselfintoherpresence.
Igoon,beggingpardononeminute;andvowingtruthandhonouranother.
Iwouldatfirsthavepersuadedher,andofferedtocallwitnessestothetruthofit,thatwewereactuallymarried.Thoughthelicensewasinherhands,Ithoughttheassertionmightgodowninherdisorder;andcharmingconsequencesIhopedwouldfollow.Butthiswouldnot
do.--
Ithereforegaveupthathope:andnowIdeclaretoher,thatitismyresolutiontomarryher,themomentheruncleHarloweinformsmethathewillgracetheceremonywithhispresence.
ButshebelievesnothingIsay;nor,(whetherinhersenses,ornot)bearsmewithpatienceinhersight.
Ipityherwithallmysoul;andIcursemyself,whensheisinher
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wailingfits,andwhenIapprehendthatintellects,socharming,areforeverdamped.
ButmoreIcursethesewomen,whoputmeuponsuchanexpedient!Lord!Lord!whatahandhaveImadeofit!--Andallforwhat?
Lastnight,forthefirsttimesinceMondaynight,shegottoherpenandink;butshepursuesherwritingwithsucheagernessandhurry,asshowtooevidentlyherdiscomposure.
Ihope,however,thatthisemploymentwillhelptocalmherspirits.
***
JustnowDorcastellsme,thatwhatshewritesshetears,andthrowsthepaperinfragmentsunderthetable,eitherasnotknowingwhatshedoes,ordislikingit:thengetsup,wringsherhands,weeps,andshiftsherseatallroundtheroom:thenreturnstohertable,sitsdown,andwritesagain.
***
Oneoddletter,asImaycallit,Dorcashasthismomentgivenmefromher--Carrythis,saidshe,tothevilestofmen.Dorcas,atoad,broughtit,withoutanyfurtherdirectiontome.Isatdown,intending(though'tisprettylong)togivetheeacopyofit:but,formylife,Icannot;'tissoextravagant.Andtheoriginalistoomuchanoriginaltoletitgooutofmyhands.
Butsomeofthescrapsandfragments,aseithertornthrough,orflungaside,Iwillcopy,forthenoveltyofthething,andtoshowtheehowhermindworksnowsheisinthewhimsicalway.YetIknowIamstillfurnishingtheewithnewweaponsagainstmyself.Butsparethycomments.
Myownreflectionsrenderthemneedless.Dorcasthinksherladywillaskforthem:sowishestohavethemtolayagainunderthetable.
Bythefirstthou'ltguessthatIhavetoldherthatMissHoweisveryill,andcan'twrite;thatshemayaccountthebetterfornothavingreceivedtheletterdesignedforher.
PAPERI(Tornintwopieces.)
MYDEARESTMISSHOWE,
Owhatdreadful,dreadfulthingshaveItotellyou!ButyetIcannottellyouneither.Butsay,areyoureallyill,asavile,vilecreatureinformsmeyouare?
Butheneveryettoldmetruth,andIhopehasnotinthis:andyet,ifitwerenottrue,surelyIshouldhaveheardfromyoubeforenow!--ButwhathaveItodotoupbraid?--Youmaywellbetiredofme!--Andifyouare,Icanforgiveyou;forIamtiredofmyself:andallmyownrelationsweretiredofmelongbeforeyouwere.
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Howgoodyouhavealwaysbeentome,mineowndearAnnaHowe!--ButhowIramble!
Isatdowntosayagreatdeal--myheartwasfull--Ididnotknowwhattosayfirst--andthought,andgrief,andconfusion,and(Omypoorhead)Icannottellwhat--andthought,andgriefandconfusion,camecrowdingsothickuponme;onewouldbefirst;anotherwouldbefirst;allwouldbefirst;soIcanwritenothingatall.--Onlythat,whatevertheyhavedonetome,Icannottell;butIamnolongerwhatIwas-inanyonethingdidIsay?Yes,butIam;forIamstill,andIeverwillbe,
Yourtrue----
Plagueonit!Icanwritenomoreofthiseloquentnonsensemyself;whichrathershowsaraised,thanaquenched,imagination:butDorcasshalltranscribetheothersinseparatepapers,aswrittenbythewhimsicalcharmer:andsometimehencewhenallisover,andIcanbetterbeartoreadthem,Imayasktheeforasightofthem.Preservethem,therefore;forweoftenlookbackwithpleasureevenupontheheaviestgriefs,whenthecauseofthemisremoved.
PAPERII(Scratch'dthrough,andthrownunderthetable.)
--Andcanyou,mydear,honouredPapa,resolveforevertoreprobateyourpoorchild?--ButIamsureyouwouldnot,ifyouknewwhatshehassufferedsinceherunhappy--Andwillnobodypleadforyourpoorsufferinggirl?--Noonegoodbody?--Whythen,dearestSir,letitbeanactofyourowninnategoodness,whichIhavesomuchexperienced,andsomuchabused.Idon'tpresumetothinkyoushouldreceiveme--No,indeed!--Mynameis--Idon'tknowwhatmynameis!--Ineverdaretowishtocomeintoyourfamilyagain!--Butyourheavycurse,myPapa--Yes,Iwillcallyou
Papa,andhelpyourselfasyoucan--foryouaremyowndearPapa,whetheryouwillornot--andthoughIamanunworthychild--yetIamyourchild--
PAPERIII
ALadytookagreatfancytoayounglion,orabear,Iforgetwhich--butabear,oratiger,Ibelieveitwas.Itwasmadeherapresentofwhenawhelp.Shefeditwithherownhand:shenursedupthewickedcubwithgreattenderness;andwouldplaywithitwithoutfearorapprehensionofdanger:anditwasobedienttoallhercommands:anditstameness,assheusedtoboast,increasedwithitsgrowth;so
that,likealap-dog,itwouldfollowheralloverthehouse.Butmindwhatfollowed:atlast,somehow,neglectingtosatisfyitshungrymaw,orhavingotherwisedisobligeditonsomeoccasion,itresumeditsnature;andonasuddenfelluponher,andtoreherinpieces.--Andwhowasmosttoblame,Ipray?Thebrute,orthelady?Thelady,surely!--Forwhatshedidwasoutofnature,outofcharacter,atleast:whatitdidwasinitsownnature.
PAPERIV
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Howartthounowhumbledinthedust,thouproudClarissaHarlowe!Thouthatneversteppedstoutofthyfather'shousebuttobeadmired!Whowertwonttoturnthineeye,sparklingwithhealthfullife,andself-assurance,todifferentobjectsatonceasthoupassedst,asif(forsothypenetratingsisterusedtosay)toplumethyselfupontheexpectedapplausesofallthatbeheldthee!Thouthatusedsttogotorestsatisfiedwiththeadulationspaidtheeinthepastday,andcouldstputoffeverythingbutthyvanity!---
PAPERV
Rejoicenotnow,myBella,mySister,myFriend;butpitythehumbledcreature,whosefoolishheartyouusedtosayyoubeheldthroughthethinveilofhumilitywhichcoveredit.
Itmusthavebeenso!Myfallhadnotelsebeenpermitted--
Youpenetratedmyproudheartwiththejealousyofaneldersister'ssearchingeye.
YouknewmebetterthanIknewmyself.Henceyourupbraidingsandyourchidings,whenIbegantototter.
Butforgivenowthosevaintriumphsofmyheart.
Ithought,poor,proudwretchthatIwas,thatwhatyousaidwasowingtoyourenvy.
IthoughtIcouldacquitmyintentionofanysuchvanity.
IwastoosecureintheknowledgeIthoughtIhadofmyownheart.
Mysupposedadvantagesbecameasnaretome.
Andwhatnowistheendofall?--
PAPERVI
Whatnowisbecomeoftheprospectsofahappylife,whichonceIthoughtopeningbeforeme?--Whonowshallassistinthesolemnpreparations?Whonowshallprovidethenuptialornaments,whichsoftenanddiverttheapprehensionsofthefearfulvirgin?Nocourtnowtobepaidtomysmiles!Noencouragingcomplimentstoinspiretheewithhopeoflayinga
mindnotunworthyoftheeunderobligation!Noelevationnowforconsciousmerit,andapplaudedpurity,tolookdownfromonaprostrateadorer,andanadmiringworld,anduptopleasedandrejoicingparentsandrelations!
PAPERVII
Thouperniciouscaterpillar,thatpreyestuponthefairleafofvirgin
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fame,andpoisonestthoseleaveswhichthoucanstnotdevour!
Thoufellblight,thoueasternblast,thouoverspreadingmildew,thatdestroyesttheearlypromisesoftheshiningyear!thatmockestthelaborioustoil,andblastestthejoyfulhopes,ofthepainfulhusbandman!
Thoufrettingmoth,thatcorruptestthefairestgarment!
Thoueatingcanker-worm,thatpreyestupontheopeningbud,andturnestthedamask-roseintolividyellowness!
If,asreligionteachesus,Godwilljudgeus,inagreatmeasure,byourbenevolentorevilactionstooneanother--Owretch!bethinkthee,intimebethinkthee,howgreatmustbethycondemnation!
PAPERVIIII
Atfirst,Isawsomethinginyourairandpersonthatdispleasedmenot.Yourbirthandfortuneswerenosmalladvantagestoyou.--Youactednotignoblybymypassionatebrother.Everybodysaidyouwerebrave:everybodysaidyouweregenerous:abraveman,Ithought,couldnotbeabaseman:agenerousman,couldnot,Ibelieved,beungenerous,
whereheacknowledgedobligation.Thusprepossessed,alltherestthatmysoullovedandwishedforinyourreformationIhoped!--Iknewnot,butbyreport,anyflagrantinstancesofyourvileness.Youseemedfrank,aswellasgenerous:franknessandgenerosityeverattractedme:whoeverkeptupthoseappearances,Ijudgedoftheirheartsbymyown;andwhateverqualitiesIwishedtofindinthem,Iwasreadytofind;and,whenfound,Ibelievedthemtobenativesofthesoil.
Myfortunes,myrank,mycharacter,Ithoughtafurthersecurity.IwasinnoneofthoserespectsunworthyofbeingthenieceofLordM.andofhistwonoblesisters.--Yourvows,yourimprecations--But,Oh!youhavebarbarouslyandbaselyconspiredagainstthathonour,whichyououghttohaveprotected:andnowyouhavemademe--Whatisitof
vilethatyouhavenotmademe?--
Yet,Godknowsmyheart,Ihadnoculpableinclinations!--Ihonouredvirtue!--Ihatedvice!--ButIknewnot,thatyouwereviceitself!
PAPERIX
Hadthehappinessofanyofthepoorestoutcastintheworld,whomIhadneveerseen,neverknown,neverbeforeheardof,lainasmuchinmypower,asmyhappinessdidinyour's,mybenevolentheartwouldhavemademeflytothesuccourofsuchapoordistressed--withwhatpleasure
wouldIhaveraisedthedejectedhead,andcomfortedthedespondingheart!--Butwhonowshallpitythepoorwretch,whohasincreased,insteadofdiminished,thenumberofthemiserable!
PAPERX
Leadme,wheremyownthoughtsthemselvesmayloseme;WhereImaydoseoutwhatI'veleftoflife,
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Forgetmyself,andthatday'sguile!----Cruelremembrance!----howshallIappeasethee?
[Deathonlycanbedreadfultothebad;*Toinnocence'tislikeabugbeardress'dTofrightenchildren.Pullbutoffthemask,Andhe'llappearafriend.]
*Transcriber'snote:Portionssetoffinsquarebrackets[]arewrittenatanglestothemajorityofthetext,asifsqueezedintomargins.
----Oh!youhavedoneanactThatblotsthefaceandblushofmodesty;TakesofftheroseFromthefairforeheadofaninnocentlove,Andmakesablisterthere!
ThendownIlaidmyhead,Downoncoldearth,andforawhilewasdead;Andmyfreedsoultoastrangesomewherefled!Ah!sottishsoul!saidI,WhenbacktoitscageagainIsawitfly;
Fool!toresumeherbrokenchain,Androwthegalleyhereagain!Fool!tothatbodytoreturn,Whereitcondemn'danddestin'distomourn!
[Icouldataleunfold----Wouldharrowupthysoul----]
OmyMissHowe!ifthouhastfriendship,helpme,Andspeakthewordsofpeacetomydividedsoul,Thatwarswithinme,Andraisesev'rysensetomyconfusion.I'mtott'ringonthebrink
Ofpeace;anthouartalltheholdI'veleft!Assistme----inthepangsofmyaffliction!
Whenhonour'slost,'tisarelieftodie:Death'sbutasureretreatfrominfamy.
[ByswiftmisfortunesHowIampursu'd!WhichoneachotherAre,likewaves,renew'd!]
Thefarewell,youth,Andallthejoysthatdwell
Withyouthandlife!Andlifeitself,farewell!
Forlifecanneverbesincerelyblest.Heav'npunishesthebad,andprovesthebest.
***
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Afterall,Belford,IhavejustskimmedoverthesetranscriptionsofDorcas:andIseetherearemethodandgoodsenseinsomeofthem,wildasothersofthemare;andthathermemory,whichserveshersowellforthesepoeticalflights,isfarfrombeingimpaired.Andthisgivesmehope,thatshewillsoonrecoverhercharmingintellects--thoughIshallbethesuffererbytheirrestoration,Imakenodoubt.
But,inthelettershewrotetome,thereareyetgreaterextravagancies;andthoughIsaiditwastooaffectingtogivetheeacopyofit,yet,afterIhavelettheeseetheloosepapersenclosed,IthinkImaythrowinatranscriptofthat.Dorcasthereforeshallheretranscribeit.Icannot.Thereadingofitaffectedmetentimesmorethantheseverestreproachesofaregularmindcoulddo.
TOMR.LOVELACE
Ineverintendedtowriteanotherlinetoyou.Iwouldnotseeyou,ifIcouldhelpit--OthatIneverhad!
Buttellme,ofatruth,isMissHowereallyandtrulyill?--Veryill?-Andisnotherillnesspoison?Anddon'tyouknowwhogaveittoher?
Whatyou,orMrs.Sinclair,orsomebody(Icannottellwho)havedoneto
mypoorhead,youbestknow:butIshallneverbewhatIwas.Myheadisgone.Ihaveweptawayallmybrain,Ibelieve;forIcanweepnomore.IndeedIhavehadmyfullshare;soitisnomatter.
But,goodnow,Lovelace,don'tsetMrs.Sinclairuponmeagain.--Ineverdidheranyharm.Shesoaffrightsme,whenIseeher!--Eversince--whenwasit?Icannottell.Youcan,Isuppose.Shemaybeagoodwoman,asfarasIknow.Shewasthewifeofamanofhonour--verylikely--thoughforcedtoletlodgingsforalivelihood.Poorgentlewoman!LetherknowIpityher:butdon'tlethercomenearmeagain--praydon't!
Yetshemaybeaverygoodwoman--
WhatwouldIsay!--IforgetwhatIwasgoingtosay.
OLovelace,youareSatanhimself;orhehelpsyououtineverything;andthat'sasbad!
Buthaveyoureallyandtrulysoldyourselftohim?Andforhowlong?Whatdurationisyourreigntohave?
Poorman!Thecontractwillbeout:andthenwhatwillbeyourfate!
OLovelace!ifyoucouldbesorryforyourself,Iwouldbesorrytoo--butwhenallmydoorsarefast,andnothingbutthekey-holeopen,andthekeyoflateputintothat,tobewhereyouare,inamannerwithout
openinganyofthem--Owretched,wretchedClarissaHarlowe!
ForIneverwillbeLovelace--letmyuncletakeitashepleases.
Well,butnowIrememberwhatIwasgoingtosay--itisforyourgood--notmine--fornothingcandomegoodnow!--Othouvillanousman!thouhatedLovelace!
ButMrs.Sinclairmaybeagoodwoman--ifyouloveme--butthatyoudon't--butdon'tletherblusterupwithherworsethanmannishairstome
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again!Osheisafrightfulwoman!Ifshebeawoman!Sheneedednottoputonthatfearfulmasktoscaremeoutofmypoorwits.Butdon'ttellherwhatIsay--Ihavenohatredtoher--itisonlyfright,andfoolishfear,that'sall.--Shemaynotbeabadwoman--butneitherareallmen,anymorethanallwomenalike--Godforbidtheyshouldbelikeyou!
Alas!youhavekilledmyheadamongyou--Idon'tsaywhodidit!--Godforgiveyouall!--Buthaditnotbeenbettertohaveputmeoutofallyourwaysatonce?Youmightsafelyhavedoneit!Fornobodywouldrequiremeatyourhands--no,notasoul--except,indeed,MissHowewouldhavesaid,whensheshouldseeyou,What,Lovelace,haveyoudonewithClarissaHarlowe?--Andthenyoucouldhavegivenanyslight,gayanswer--sentherbeyondsea;or,shehasrunawayfromme,asshedidfromherparents.Andthiswouldhavebeeneasilycredited;foryouknow,Lovelace,shethatcouldrunawayfromthem,mightverywellrunawayfromyou.
ButthisisnothingtowhatIwantedtosay.NowIhaveit.
Ihavelostitagain--Thisfoolishwenchcomesteasingme--forwhatpurposeshouldIeat?ForwhatendshouldIwishtolive?--Itellthee,Dorcas,Iwillneithereatnordrink.IcannotbeworsethanIam.
Iwilldoasyou'dhaveme--goodDorcas,looknotuponmesofiercely--butthoucanstnotlooksobadasIhaveseensomebodylook.
Mr.Lovelace,nowthatIrememberwhatItookpeninhandtosay,letmehurryoffmythoughts,lestIlosethemagain--hereIamsensible--andyetIamhardlysensibleneither--butIknowmyheadisnotasitshouldbe,forallthat--thereforeletmeproposeonethingtoyou:itisforyourgood--notmine;andthisisit:
Imustneedsbebothatroubleandanexpensetoyou.AndheremyuncleHarlowe,whenheknowshowIam,willneverwishanymantohaveme:no,notevenyou,whohavebeentheoccasionofit--barbarousandungrateful!--AlesscomplicatedvillanycostaTarquin--butIforgetwhatIwould
sayagain--
Thenthisisit--Inevershallbemyselfagain:Ihavebeenaverywickedcreature--avain,proud,poorcreature,fullofsecretpride--whichIcarriedoffunderanhumbleguise,anddeceivedeverybody--mysistersaysso--andnowIampunished--soletmebecarriedoutofthishouse,andoutofyoursight;andletmebeputintothatBedlamprivately,whichonceIsaw:butitwasasadsighttomethen!LittleasIthoughtwhatIshouldcometomyself!--ThatisallIwouldsay:thisisallIhavetowishfor--thenIshallbeoutofallyourways;andIshallbetakencareof;andbreadandwaterwithoutyourtormentings,willbedainties:andmystraw-bedtheeasiestIhavelainin--for--Icannottellhowlong!
Myclotheswillsellforwhatwillkeepmethere,perhapsaslongasIshalllive.But,Lovelace,dearLovelace,Iwillcallyou;foryouhavecostmeenough,I'msure!--don'tletmebemadeashowof,formyfamily'ssake;nay,foryourownsake,don'tdothat--forwhenIknowallIhavesuffered,whichyetIdonot,andnomatterifIneverdo--Imaybeapttoraveagainstyoubyname,andtellofallyourbasenesstoapoorhumbledcreature,thatoncewasasproudasanybody--butofwhatIcan'ttell--exceptofmyownfollyandvanity--butletthatpass--sinceIampunishedenoughforit--
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So,suppose,insteadofBedlam,itwereaprivatemad-house,wherenobodycomes!--Thatwillbebetteragreatdeal.
But,anotherthing,Lovelace:don'tletthemusemecruellywhenIamthere--youhaveusedmecruellyenough,youknow!--Don'tletthemusemecruelly;forIwillbeverytractable;anddoasanybodywouldhavemetodo--exceptwhatyouwouldhavemedo--forthatIneverwill.--Anotherthing,Lovelace:don'tletthisgoodwoman,Iwasgoingtosayvilewoman;butdon'ttellherthat--becauseshewon'tletyousendmetothishappyrefuge,perhaps,ifsheweretoknowit--
Anotherthing,Lovelace:andletmehavepen,andink,andpaper,allowedme--itwillbeallmyamusement--buttheyneednotsendtoanybodyIshallwriteto,whatIwrite,becauseitwillbuttroublethem:andsomebodymaydoyouamischief,maybe--Iwishnotthatanybodydoanybodyamischiefuponmyaccount.
Youtellme,thatLadyBettyLawrance,andyourcousinMontague,wereheretotakeleaveofme;butthatIwasasleep,andcouldnotbewaked.SoyoutoldmeatfirstIwasmarried,youknow,andthatyouweremyhusband--Ah!Lovelace!looktowhatyousay.--Butletnotthem,(fortheywillsportwithmymisery,)letnotthatLadyBetty,letnotthatMissMontague,whatevertherealonesmaydo;norMrs.Sinclairneither,nor
anyofherlodgers,norhernieces,cometoseemeinmyplace--realones,Isay;for,Lovelace,Ishallfindoutallyourvillaniesintime--indeedIshall--soputmethereassoonasyoucan--itisforyourgood--thenallwillpassforravingsthatIcansay,as,Idoubtnomanypoorcreatures'exclamationsdopass,thoughtheremaybetoomuchtruthinthemforallthat--andyouknowIbegantobemadatHampstead--soyousaid.--Ah!villanousman!whathaveyounottoanswerfor!
***
Alittleintervalseemstobelentme.IhadbeguntolookoverwhatI
havewritten.Itisnotfitforanyonetosee,sofarasIhavebeenabletore-peruseit:butmyheadwillnothold,Idoubt,togothroughitall.IfthereforeIhavenotalreadymentionedmyearnestdesire,letmetellyouitisthis:thatIbesentoutofthisabominablehousewithoutdelay,andlockedupinsomeprivatemad-houseaboutthistown;forsuch,itseems,thereare;nevermoretobeseen,ortobeproducedtoanybody,exceptinyourownvindication,ifyoushouldbechargedwiththemurderofmyperson;amuchlightercrimethanthatofhonour,whichthegreatestvillainonearthhasrobbedmeof.Anddenymenotthismylastrequest,Ibeseechyou;andoneother,andthatis,nevertoletmeseeyoumore!Thissurelymaybegrantedto
Themiserablyabused
CLARISSAHARLOWE.
***
Iwillnotbearthyheavypreachments,Belford,uponthisaffectingletter.So,notawordofthatsort!Thepaper,thou'ltsee,isblisteredwiththetearsevenofthehardenedtranscriber;whichhasmadeherinkrunhereandthere.
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Mrs.Sinclairisatrueheroine,and,Ithink,shamesusall.Andsheisawomantoo!Thou'ltsay,thebesetthingscorruptedbecometheworst.Butthisiscertain,thatwhateverthesexsettheirheartsupon,theymakethoroughworkofit.Andhenceitis,thatamischiefwhichwouldendinsimplerobberyamongmenrogues,becomesmurder,ifawomanbeinit.
Iknowthouwiltblamemeforhavinghadrecoursetoart.Butdonotphysiciansprescribeopiatesinacutecases,wheretheviolenceofthedisorderwouldbeapttothrowthepatientintoafeverordelirium?Iaver,thatmymotiveforthisexpedientwasmercy;norcoulditbeanythingelse.Forarape,thouknowest,tousrakes,isfarfrombeinganundesirablething.Nothingbutthelawstandsinourway,uponthataccount;andtheopinionofwhatamodestwomanwillsufferratherthanbecomeavivavoceaccuser,lessensmuchanhonestfellow'sapprehensionsonthatscore.Then,ifthesesomnivolencies[Ihatethewordopiatesonthisoccasion,]haveturnedherhead,thatisaneffecttheyfrequentlyhaveuponsomeconstitutions;andinthiscasewasratherthefaultofthedosethanthedesignofthegiver.
Butisnotwineitselfanopiateindegree?--Howmanywomenhavebeentakenadvantageofbywine,andotherstillmoreintoxicatingviands?--Letmetellthee,Jack,thattheexperienceofmanyofthepassivesex,
andtheconsciencesofmanymoreoftheactive,appealedto,willtestifythatthyLovelaceisnottheworstofvillains.NorwouldIhavetheeputmeuponclearingmyselfbycomparisons.
Ifsheescapeasettleddeliriumwhenmyplotsunravel,IthinkitisallIoughttobeconcernedabout.WhatthereforeIdesireofthee,is,that,iftwoconstructionsmaybemadeofmyactions,thouwiltaffordmethemostfavourable.Forthis,notonlyfriendship,butmyowningenuousness,whichhasfurnishedtheewiththeknowledgeofthefactsagainstwhichthouartsoreadytoinveigh,requireofthee.
***
Will.isjustreturnedfromanerrandtoHampstead;andacquaintsme,thatMrs.TownsendwasyesterdayatMrs.Moore's,accompaniedbythreeorfourroughfellows;agreaternumber(assupposed)atadistance.ShewasstrangelysurprisedatthenewsthatmyspouseandIareentirelyreconciled;andthattwofineladies,myrelations,cametovisither,andwenttotownwithher:wheresheisveryhappywithme.Shewassurewewerenotmarried,shesaid,unlessitwaswhilewewereatHampstead:andtheyweresuretheceremonywasnotperformedthere.Butthattheladyishappyandeasy,isunquestionable:andaflingwasthrownoutbyMrs.MooreandMrs.Bevisatmischief-makers,astheyknewMrs.TownsendtobeacquaintedwithMissHowe.
Now,sincemyfair-onecanneitherreceive,norsendawayletters,IamprettyeasyastothisMrs.Townsendandheremployer.AndIfancyMissHowewillbepuzzledtoknowwhattothinkofthematter,andafraidofsendingbyWilson'sconveyance;andperhapssupposethatherfriendslightsher;orhaschangedhermindinmyfavour,andisashamedtoownit;asshehasnothadananswertowhatshewrote;andwillbelievethattherusticdeliveredherlastletterintoherownhand.
MeantimeIhavealittleprojectcomeintomyhead,ofanewkind;just
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foramusement-sake,that'sall:varietyhasirresistiblecharms.Icannotlivewithoutintrigue.Mycharmerhasnopassions;thatistosay,noneofthepassionsthatIwanthertohave.Sheengagesallmyreverence.IamatpresentmoreinclinedtoregretwhatIhavedone,thantoproceedtonewoffences:andshallregretittillIseehowshetakesitwhenrecovered.
ShallItelltheemyproject?'Tisnotahighone.--'Tisthis--togethithertoMrs.Moore,MissRawlins,andmywidowBevis;fortheyaredesiroustomakeavisittomyspouse,nowwearesohappytogether.And,ifIcanorderitright,Belton,Mowbray,Tourville,andI,willshowthemalittlemoreofthewaysofthiswickedtown,thantheyatpresentknow.Whyshouldtheybeacquaintedwithamanofmycharacter,andnotbethebetterandwiserforit?--Iwouldhaveeverybodyrailagainstrakeswithjudgmentandknowledge,iftheywillrail.Twoofthesewomengavemeagreatdealoftrouble:andthethird,Iamconfident,willforgiveamerryevening.
Thouwiltbecurioustoknowwhatthepersonsofthesewomenare,towhomIintendsomuchdistinction.IthinkIhavenotheretoforementionedanythingcharacteristicoftheirpersons.
Mrs.Mooreisawidowofaboutthirty-eight;alittlemortifiedbymisfortunes;butthoseareoftenthemerriestfolks,whenwarmed.She
hasgoodfeaturesstill;andiswhattheycallmuchofagentlewoman,andveryneatinherpersonanddress.Shehasgivenover,Ibelieve,allthoughtsofoursex:butwhenthedyingembersarerakedupaboutthehalf-consumedstump,therewillbefuelenoughleft,Idaresay,toblazeout,andgiveacomfortablewarmthtoahalf-starvedby-stander.
Mrs.Bevisiscomely;thatistosay,plump;aloverofmirth,andonewhomnogriefeverdweltwith,Idaresay,foraweektogether;abouttwenty-fiveyearsofage:Mowbraywillhaveverylittledifficultywithher,Ibelieve;foronecannotdoeverythingone'sself.Andyetsometimeswomenofthisfreecast,whenitcomestothepoint,answernotthepromisestheircheerfulforwardnessgivesamanwhohasaviewuponthem.
MissRawlinsisanagreeableyoungladyenough;butnotbeautiful.Shehassense,andwouldbethoughttoknowtheworld,asitiscalled;but,forherknowledge,ismoreindebtedtotheorythanexperience.Amerewhipt-syllabubknowledgethis,Jack,thatalwaysfailsthepersonwhotruststoit,whenitshouldholdtodoherservice.Forsuchyoungladieshavesomuchdependenceupontheirownunderstandingandwariness,aresomuchabovethecautionsthatthelessopinionativemaybebenefitedby,thattheirpresumptionisgenerallytheiroverthrow,whenattemptedbyamanofexperience,whoknowshowtoflattertheirvanity,andtomagnifytheirwisdom,inordertotakeadvantageoftheirfolly.But,forMissRawlins,ifIcanaddexperiencetohertheory,whatanaccomplishedpersonwillshebe!--Andhowmuchwillshebeobligedtome;
andnotonlyshe,butallthosewhomaybethebetterforthepreceptsshethinksherselfalreadysowellqualifiedtogive!Dearly,Jack,doIlovetoengagewiththeseprecept-givers,andexample-setters.
Now,Belford,althoughthereisnothingstrikinginanyofthesecharacters;yetmaywe,atapinch,makeagoodfrolickyhalf-daywiththem,if,afterwehavesoftenedtheirwaxattablebyencouragingviands,wecansetourwomenandthemintodancing:dancing,whichallwomenlove,andallmenshouldthereforepromote,forboththeirsakes.
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Andthus,whenTourvillesings,Beltonfiddles,Mowbraymakesroughlove,andIsmooth;andthou,Jack,wiltbebythattimewellenoughtojoininthechorus;thedevil'sin'tifwedon'tmouldthemintowhatshapeweplease--ourownwomen,bytheirlaughingfreedoms,encouragingthemtobreakthroughalltheircustomaryreserves.Forwomentowomen,thouknowest,aregreatdarersandincentives:notoneofthemlovingtobeoutdoneoroutdared,whentheirheartsarethoroughlywarmed.
Iknow,atfirst,thedifficultywillbetheaccidentalabsenceofmydearMrs.Lovelace,towhomprincipallytheywilldesigntheirvisit:butifwecanexhilaratethem,theywon'tthenwishtoseeher;andIcanformtwentyaccidentsandexcuses,fromonehourtoanother,forherabsence,tilleachshallhaveasubjecttotakeupallherthoughts.
Iamreallysickatheartforafrolic,andhavenodoubtbutthiswillbeanagreeableone.Thesewomenalreadythinkmeawildfellow;nordotheylikemethelessforit,asIcanperceive;andIshalltakecare,thattheyshallbetreatedwithsomuchfreedombeforeoneanother'sfaces,thatinpolicytheyshallkeepeachother'scounsel.Andwon'tthisbedoingakindthingbythem?sinceitwillknitanindissolublebandofunionandfriendshipbetweenthreewomenwhoareneighbours,andatpresenthaveonlycommonobligationstooneanother:forthouwantestnottobetold,thatsecretsoflove,andsecretsofthisnature,aregenerallythestrongestcementoffemalefriendships.
But,afterall,ifmybelovedshouldbehappilyrestoredtoherintellects,wemayhavescenesarisebetweenusthatwillbesufficientlybusytoemployallthefacultiesofthyfriend,withoutlookingoutfornewoccasions.Already,asIhaveoftenobserved,hasshebeenthemeansofsavingscoresofhersex,yetwithoutherownknowledge.
SATURDAYNIGHT.
ByDorcas'saccountofherlady'sbehaviour,thedearcreatureseemstoberecovering.IshallgivetheearliestnoticeofthistotheworthyCapt.Tomlinson,thathemayapprizeuncleJohnofit.Imustbe
properlyenabled,fromthatquarter,topacifyher,or,atleast,torebateherfirstviolence.
LETTERXVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYAFTERNOON,SIXO'CLOCK,(JUNE18.)
Iwentoutearlythismorning,andreturnednottilljustnow;whenIwasinformedthatmybeloved,inmyabsence,hadtakenitintoherheadto
attempttogetaway.
Shetrippeddown,withaparceltiedupinahandkerchief,herhoodon;andwasactuallyintheentry,whenMrs.Sinclairsawher.
Pray,Madam,whippingbetweenherandthestreet-door,bepleasedtoletmeknowwhereyouaregoing?
Whohasarighttocontroulme?wastheword.
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Ihave,Madam,byorderofyourspouse:and,kemboingherarms,assheowned,Idesireyouwillbepleasedtowalkupagain.
Shewouldhavespoken;butcouldnot:and,burstingintotears,turnedback,andwentuptoherchamber:andDorcaswastakentotaskforsufferinghertobeinthepassagebeforeshewasseen.
Thisshows,aswehopedlastnight,thatsheisrecoveringhercharmingintellects.
Dorcassays,shewasvisibletoherbutoncebeforethewholeday;andthensheseemedverysolemnandsedate.
Iwillendeavourtoseeher.Itmustbeinherownchamber,Isuppose;forshewillhardlymeetmeinthedining-room.Whatadvantagewilltheconfidenceofoursexgivemeoverthemodestyofher's,ifsheberecovered!--I,themostconfidentofmen:she,themostdelicateofwomen.Sweetsoul!methinksIhaveherbeforeme:herfaceaverted:speechlostinsighs--abashed--conscious--whatatriumphantaspectwillthisgiveme,whenIgazeonherdowncastcountenance!
***
ThismomentDorcastellsmeshebelievessheiscomingtofindmeout.Sheaskedherafterme:andDorcaslefther,dryingherred-swolneyesatherglass;[nodesignofmovingmebytears!]sighingtoosensiblyformycourage.ButtowhatpurposehaveIgonethusfar,ifIpursuenotmyprincipalend?Nicenessmustbealittleabated.Sheknowstheworst.Thatshecannotflyme;thatshemustseeme;andthatIcanlookherintoasweetconfusion;arecircumstancesgreatlyinmyfavour.Whatcanshedobutraveandexclaim?Iamusedtoravingandexclaiming--but,ifrecovered,Ishallseehowshebehavesuponthisourfirstsensibleinterviewafterwhatshehassuffered.
Hereshecomes.
LETTERXVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAYNIGHT.
Neverblamemeforgivingwaytohaveartusedwiththisadmirablecreature.Alltheprincesoftheair,orbeneathit,joiningwithme,couldneverhavesubduedherwhileshehadhersenses.
Iwillnotanticipate--onlytotellthee,thatIamtoomuchawakenedbyhertothinkofsleep,wereItogotobed;andsoshallhavenothingtodobuttowriteanaccountofouroddconversation,whileitissostronguponmymindthatIcanthinkofnothingelse.
Shewasdressedinawhitedamasknight-gown,withlessnegligencethanforsomedayspast.Iwassittingwithmypeninmyfingers;andstoodupwhenIfirstsawher,withgreatcomplaisance,asifthedaywerestillherown.Andsoindeeditis.
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Sheenteredwithsuchdignityinhermannerasstruckmewithgreatawe,andpreparedmeforthepoorfigureImadeinthesubsequentconversation.Apoorfigureindeed!--ButIwilldoherjustice.
Shecameupwithquicksteps,prettyclosetome;awhitehandkerchiefinherhand;hereyesneitherfiercenormild,butveryearnest;andafixedsedatenessinherwholeaspect,whichseemedtobetheeffectofdeepcontemplation:andthussheaccostedme,withanairandactionthatIneversawequalled.
Youseebeforeyou,Sir,thewretch,whosepreferenceofyoutoallyoursexyouhaverewarded--asitindeeddeservedtoberewarded.Myfather'sdreadfulcursehasalreadyoperateduponmeintheveryletterofit,astothislife;anditseemstometooevidentthatitwillnotbeyourfaultthatitisnotentirelycompletedinthelossofmysoul,aswellasofmyhonour--whichyou,villanousman!haverobbedmeof,withabasenesssounnatural,soinhuman,thatitseemsyou,evenyou,hadnotthehearttoattemptit,tillmysensesweremadetheprevioussacrifice.
HereImadeanhesitatingefforttospeak,layingdownmypen:butsheproceeded!--Hearmeout,guiltywretch!--abandonedman!--Man,didIsay?--YetwhatnameelsecanI?sincethemortalworryingsofthefiercestbeastwouldhavebeenmorenatural,andinfinitelymorewelcome,thatwhatyouhaveactedbyme;andthatwithapremeditationandcontrivance
worthyonlyofthatsingleheartwhichnow,baseaswellasungratefulasthouart,seemstoquakewithinthee.--Andwellmay'stthouquake;wellmay'stthoutremble,andfalter,andhesitate,asthoudost,whenthoureflectestuponwhatIhavesufferedforthysake,anduponthereturnsthouhastmademe!
Bymysoul,Belford,mywholeframewasshaken:fornotonlyherlooksandheraction,buthervoice,sosolemn,wasinexpressiblyaffecting:andthenmycursedguilt,andherinnocence,andmerit,andrank,andsuperiorityoftalents,allstaredmeatthatinstantinthefacesoformidably,thatmypresentaccount,towhichsheunexpectedlycalledme,seemed,asIthenthought,toresemblethatgeneralone,towhichwearetoldweshallbesummoned,whenourconscienceshallbeouraccuser.
Butshehadhadtimetocollectallthepowersofhereloquence.Thewholedayprobablyinherintellects.AndthenIwasthemoredisappointed,asIhadthoughtIcouldhavegazedthedearcreatureintoconfusion--butitisplain,thatthesenseshehasofherwrongssetsthismatchlesswomanabovealllesser,allweakerconsiderations.
Mydear--mylove--I--I--Inever--nonever--lipstrembling,limbsquaking,voiceinward,hesitating,broken--neversurelydidmiscreantlooksolikeamiscreant!whilethussheproceeded,wavinghersnowyhand,withallthegracesofmovingoratory.
Ihavenoprideintheconfusionvisibleinthywholeperson.Ihave
beenallthedayprayingforacomposure,ifIcouldnotescapefromthisvilehouse,thatshouldoncemoreenablemetolookuptomydestroyerwiththeconsciousnessofaninnocentsufferer.Thouseestme,sincemywrongsarebeyondthepowerofwordstoexpress,thouseestme,calmenoughtowish,thatthoumay'stcontinueharassedbytheworkingsofthyownconscience,tilleffectualrepentancetakeholdofthee,thatsothoumay'stnotforfeitalltitletothatmercywhichthouhastnotshowntothepoorcreaturenowbeforethee,whohadsowelldeservedtomeetwithafaithfulfriendwhereshemetwiththeworstofenemies.
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Buttellme,(fornodoubtthouhastsomeschemetopursue,)tellme,sinceIamaprisoner,asIfind,inthevilestofhouses,andhavenotafriendtoprotectorsaveme,whatthouintendestshallbecomeoftheremnantofalifenotworththekeeping!--Tellme,ifyettherearemoreevilsreservedforme;andwhetherthouhastenteredintoacompactwiththegranddeceiver,inthepersonofhishorridagentinthishouse;andiftheruinofmysoul,thatmyfather'scursemaybefulfilled,istocompletethetriumphsofsovileaconfederacy?--Answerme!--Say,ifthouhastcouragetospeakouttoherwhomthouhastruined,tellmewhatfartherIamtosufferfromthybarbarity?
Shestoppedhere,and,sighing,turnedhersweetfacefromme,dryingupwithherhandkerchiefthosetearswhichsheendeavouredtorestrain;and,whenshecouldnot,toconcealfrommysight.
AsItoldthee,Ihadpreparedmyselfforhighpassions,raving,flying,tearingexecration;thesetransientviolences,theworkingsofsuddengrief,andshame,andvengeance,wouldhavesetusuponaparwitheachother,andquittedscores.ThesehaveIbeenaccustomedto;andasnothingviolentislasting,withtheseIcouldhavewishedtoencounter.Butsuchamajesticcomposure--seekingme--whom,yetitisplain,byherattempttogetaway,shewouldhaveavoidedseeking--noLucretia-likevengeanceuponherselfinherthought--yetswallowedup,herwholemindswallowedup,asImaysay,byagriefsoheavy,as,inherownwords,to
bebeyondthepowerofspeechtoexpress--andtobeable,discomposedasshewas,totheverymorning,toputsuchahome-questiontome,asifshehadpenetratedmyfutureview--howcouldIavoidlookinglikeafool,andanswering,asbefore,inbrokensentencesandconfusion?
What--what-a--whathasbeendone--I,I,I--cannotbutsay--mustown--mustconfess--hem--hem----isnotright--isnotwhatshouldhavebeen--but-a--but--but--Iamtruly--truly--sorryforit--uponmysoulIam--and--and--willdoall--doeverything--dowhat--whateverisincumbentuponme--allthatyou--thatyou--thatyoushallrequire,tomakeyouamends!----
OBelford!Belford!whosethetriumphnow!HER'S,orMINE?
Amends!Othoutrulydespicablewretch!Thenliftinguphereyes--GoodHeaven!whoshallpitythecreaturewhocouldfallbysobaseamind!--Yet--[andthenshelookedindignantlyuponme!]yet,Ihatetheenot(baseandlow-souledasthouart!)halfsomuchasIhatemyself,thatIsawtheenotsoonerinthypropercolours!ThatIhopedeithermorality,gratitude,orhumanity,fromalibertine,who,tobealibertine,musthavegotoveranddefiedallmoralsanctions.*
*HercousinMorden'swordstoherinhisletterfromFlorence.SeeVol.IV.LetterXIX.
ShethencalleduponhercousinMorden'sname,asifhehadwarnedheragainstamanoffreeprinciples;andwalkedtowardsthewindow;herhandkerchiefathereyes.But,turningshorttowardsme,withanairofmingledscornandmajesty,[what,atthemoment,wouldIhavegivennevertohaveinjuredher!]Whatamendshastthoutopropose!Whatamendscansuchaoneasthoumaketoapersonofspirit,orcommonsense,fortheevilsthouhastsoinhumanelymademesuffer?
Assoon,Madam--assoon--as--assoonasyouruncle--or--notwaiting----
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Thouwouldesttellme,Isuppose--Iknowwhatthouwouldesttellme--Butthinkestthou,thatmarriagewillsatisfyforaguiltlikethine?Destituteasthouhastmademebothoffriendsandfortune,Itoomuchdespisethewretch,whocouldrobhimselfofhiswife'svirtue,toendurethethoughtsoftheeinthelightthouseemesttohopeIwillaccepttheein!--
Ihesitatedaninterruption;butmymeaningdiedawayuponmytremblinglips.Icouldonlypronouncethewordmarriage--andthussheproceeded:
Letme,therefore,knowwhetherIamtobecontrouledinthefuturedisposalofmyself?Whether,inacountryofliberty,asthis,wherethesovereignofitmustnotbeguiltyofyourwickedness,andwhereyouneitherdursthaveattemptedit,hadIonefriendorrelationtolookuponme,Iamtobekepthereaprisoner,tosustainfreshinjuries?Whether,inaword,youintendtohindermefromgoingwheremydestinyshallleadme?
Afterapause--forIwasstillsilent:
Canyounotanswermethisplainquestion?--Iquitallclaim,allexpectation,uponyou--whatrighthaveyoutodetainmehere?
Icouldnotspeak.WhatcouldIsaytosuchaquestion?
Owretch!wringingherupliftedhands,hadInotbeenrobbedofmysenses,andthatinthebasestmanner--youbestknowhow--hadIbeenabletoaccountformyself,andyourproceedings,ortohaveknownbuthowthedayspassed--awholeweekshouldnothavegoneovermyhead,asIfindithasdone,beforeIhadtoldyou,whatInowtellyou--Thatthemanwhohasbeenthevillaintomeyouhavebeen,shallnevermakemehiswife.--Iwillwritetomyuncle,tolayasidehiskindintentionsinmyfavour--allmyprospectsareshutin--Igivemyselfupforalostcreatureastothisworld--hindermenotfromenteringuponalifeofseverepenitence,forcorresponding,afterprohibition,withawretchwhohastoowelljustifiedalltheirwarningsandinveteracy;andforthrowingmyselfintothepowerofyourvileartifices.LetmetrytosecuretheonlyhopeI
haveleft.ThisisalltheamendsIaskofyou.Irepeat,therefore,AmInowatlibertytodisposeofmyselfasIplease?
Nowcomesthefool,themiscreantagain,hesitatinghisbrokenanswer:Mydearestlove,Iamconfounded,quiteconfounded,atthethoughtofwhat--ofwhathasbeendone;andatthethoughtof--towhom.Isee,Isee,thereisnowithstandingyoureloquence!--Suchirresistibleproofsoftheloveofvirtue,foritsownsake,didIneverhearof,normeetwith,inallmyreading.Andifyoucanforgivearepentantvillain,whothusonhiskneesimploresyourforgiveness,[thendownIdropt,absolutelyinearnestinallIsaid,]Ivowbyallthat'ssacredandjust,(andmayathunderboltstrikemedeadatyourfeet,ifIamnotsincere!)thatIwillbymarriagebeforeto-morrownoon,withoutwaitingforyouruncle,
oranybody,doyouallthejusticeInowcandoyou.Andyoushalleveraftercontroulanddirectmeasyouplease,tillyouhavemadememoreworthyofyourangelicpuritythannowIam:norwillIpresumesomuchastotouchyourgarment,tillIhavethehonourtocallsogreatablessinglawfullymine.
Othouguilefulbetrayer!thereisajustGod,whomthouinvokest:yetthethunderboltdescendsnot;andthoulivesttoimprecateanddeceive!
Mydearestlife!rising;forIhopedshewasrelenting----
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Hadstthounotsinnedbeyondthepossibilityofforgiveness,interruptedshe;andthishadbeenthefirsttimethatthusthousolemnlypromisestandinvokestthevengeancethouhastasoftendefied;thedesperatenessofmyconditionmighthaveinducedmetothinkoftakingawretchedchancewithamansoprofligate.But,afterwhatIhavesufferedbythee,itwouldbecriminalinmetowishtobindmysoulincovenanttoamansonearlyalliedtoperdition.
GoodGod!--howuncharitable!--Ioffernottodefend--wouldtoHeaventhatIcouldrecall--sonearlyalliedtoperdition,Madam!--Soprofligateaman,Madam!----
Ohowshortisexpressionofthycrimes,andofmysufferings!Suchpremeditationisthybaseness!Toprostitutethecharactersofpersonsofhonourofthyownfamily--andalltodeludeapoorcreature,whomthououghtest--ButwhytalkItothee?Bethycrimesuponthyhead!OncemoreIaskthee,AmI,oramInot,atmyownlibertynow?
Iofferedtospeakindefenceofthewomen,declaringthattheyreallyweretheverypersons----
Presumenot,interruptedshe,baseasthouart,tosayonewordinthineownvindication.Ihavebeencontemplatingtheirbehaviour,their
conversation,theirover-readyacquiescences,tomydeclarationsinthydisfavour;theirfree,yetaffectedly-reservedlightmanners:andnowthatthesadeventhasopenedmyeyes,andIhavecomparedfactsandpassagestogether,inthelittleintervalthathasbeenlentme,IwonderIcouldnotdistinguishthebehaviouroftheunmatron-likejilt,whomthoubroughtesttobetrayme,fromtheworthyladywhomthouhastthehonourtocallthyaunt:andthatIcouldnotdetectthesuperficialcreaturewhomthoupassedstuponmeforthevirtuousMissMontague.
Amazinguncharitablenessinaladysogoodherself!--Thatthehighspiritsthoseladieswereintoseeyou,shouldsubjectthemtosuchcensures!--Idomustsolemnlyvow,Madam----
Thattheywere,interruptingme,verilyandindeedLadyBettyLawranceandthycousinMontague!--Owretch!Iseebythysolemnaverment[Ihadnotyetaverredit,]whatcreditoughttobegiventoalltherest.HadInootherproof----
Interruptingher,Ibesoughtherpatientear.'Ihadfoundmyself,Itoldher,almostavowedlydespisedandhated.Ihadnohopeofgainingherlove,orherconfidence.Thelettershehadleftbehindher,onherremovaltoHampstead,sufficientlyconvincedmethatshewasentirelyunderMissHowe'sinfluence,andwaitedbutthereturnofaletterfromhertoenteruponmeasuresthatwoulddeprivemeofherforever:MissHowehadeverbeenmyenemy:moresothen,nodoubt,fromthecontentsofthelettershehadwrittentoheronherfirstcomingtoHampstead;that
Idarednottostandtheeventofsuchaletter;andwasgladofanopportunity,byLadyBetty'sandmycousin'smeans(thoughtheyknewnotmymotive)togetherbacktotown;far,atthetime,fromintendingtheoutragewhichmydespair,andherwantofconfidenceinme,putmesovilelyupon'--
Iwouldhaveproceeded;andparticularlywouldhavesaidsomethingofCaptainTomlinsonandheruncle;butshewouldnothearmefurther.Andindeeditwaswithvisibleindignation,andnotwithoutseveralangryinterruptions,thatsheheardmesaysomuch.
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WouldIdare,sheaskedme,toofferatapalliationofmybaseness?Thetwowomen,shewasconvinced,wereimpostors.SheknewnotbutCaptainTomlinsonandMr.Mennellweresotoo.Butwhethertheyweresoornot,Iwas.Andsheinsisteduponbeingatherowndisposalfortheremainderofhershortlife--forindeedsheabhorredmeineverylight;andmoreparticularlyinthatinwhichIofferedmyselftoheracceptance.
And,sayingthis,sheflungfromme;leavingmeabsolutelyshockedandconfoundedatherpartofaconversationwhichshebeganwithsuchuncommon,howeversevere,composure,andconcludedwithsomuchsincereandunaffectedindignation.
Andnow,Jack,Imustaddressoneseriousparagraphparticularlytothee.
Ihavenotyettoucheduponcohabitation--heruncle'smediationshedoesnotabsolutelydiscredit,asIhadthepleasuretofindbyonehintinthisconversation--yetshesuspectsmyfutureviews,andhasdoubtaboutMennellandTomlinson.
Idosay,ifshecomefairlyatherlights,atherclues,orwhatshallIcallthem?herpenetrationiswonderful.
Butifshedonotcomeatthemfairly,thenisherincredulity,thenis
herantipathytomeevidentlyaccountedfor.Iwillspeakout--thoucouldstnot,surely,playmebooty,Jack?--Surelythoucouldstnotletthyweakpityforherleadtheetoanunpardonablebreachoftrusttothyfriend,whohasbeensounreservedinhiscommunicationstothee?
Icannotbelievetheecapableofsuchabaseness.Satisfyme,however,uponthishead.Imustmakeacursedfigureinhereye,vowingandprotesting,asIshallnotscrupleoccasionallytovowandprotest,ifallthetimeshehashadunquestionableinformationsofmyperfidy.Iknowthouaslittlefearestme,asIdothee,ifanypointofmanhood;andwiltscorntodenyit,ifthouhastdoneit,whenthushome-pressed.
AndhereIhaveagoodmindtostop,andwritenofarther,tillIhavethyanswer.
AndsoIwill.
MONDAYMORN.PASTTHREE.
LETTERXIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
MONDAYMORN.FIVEO'CLOCK(JUNE19.)
Imustwriteon.Nothingelsecandivertme:andIthinkthoucanstnothavebeenadogtome.
Iwouldfainhaveclosedmyeyes:butsleepfliesme.WellsaysHorace,astranslatedbyCowley:
Thehalcyonsleepwillneverbuildhisnest
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Inanystormybreast.'TisnotenoughthathedoesfindCloudsanddarknessinthemind:Darknessbuthalfhisworkwilldo.'Tisnotenough:hemustfindquiettoo.
NowindeeddoIfrommyheartwishthatIhadneverknownthislady.Butwhowouldhavethoughttherehadbeensuchawomanintheworld?OfallthesexIhavehithertoknown,orheard,orreadof,itwasoncesubdued,andalwayssubdued.Thefirststrugglewasgenerallythelast;or,atleast,thesubsequentstrugglesweresomuchfainterandfainter,thatamanwouldratherhavethemthanbewithoutthem.ButhowknowIyet----
***
Itisnownearsix--thesunfortwohourspasthasbeenilluminatingeverythingaboutme:forthatimpartialorbshinesuponMotherSinclair'shouseaswellasuponanyother:butnothingwithinmecanitilluminate.
Atday-dawnIlookedthroughthekey-holeofmybeloved'sdoor.Shehaddeclaredshewouldnotputoffherclothesanymoreinthishouse.There
Ibeheldherinasweetslumber,whichIhopewillproverefreshingtoherdisturbedsenses;sittinginherelbow-chair,herapronoverherhead;herheadsupportedbyonesweethand,theotherhandhangingdownuponherside,inasleepylifelessness;halfofoneprettyfootonlyvisible.
Seethedifferenceinourcases!thoughtI:she,thecharminginjured,cansweetlysleep,whilethevarletinjurercannotclosehiseyes;andhasbeentrying,tonopurpose,thewholenighttodiverthismelancholy,andtoflyfromhimself!
Aseveryvicegenerallybringsonitsownpunishment,eveninthislife;ifanythingweretotemptmetodoubtoffuturepunishment,itwouldbe,
thattherecanhardlybeagreaterthanthatinwhichIatthisinstantexperienceinmyownremorse.
Ihopeitwillgooff.Ifnot,wellwillthedearcreaturebeavenged;forIshallbethemostmiserableofmen.
***
SIXO'CLOCK.
JustnowDorcastellsme,thatherladyispreparingopenly,andwithout
disguise,tobegone.Veryprobable.Thehumoursheflewawayfrommeinlastnighthasgivenmeexpectationofsuchanenterprize.
Now,Jack,tobethushatedanddespised!--AndifIhavesinnedbeyondforgiveness----
ButshehassentmeamessagebyDorcas,thatshewillmeetmeinthedining-room;anddesires[oddenough]thatthewretchmaybepresentattheconversationthatshallpassbetweenus.Thismessagegivesmehope.
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NINEO'CLOCK.
Confoundedart,cunningvillany!--Bymysoul,shehadliketohaveslippedthroughmyfingers!ShemeantnothingbyhermessagebuttogetDorcasoutoftheway,andaclearcoast.Isafancieddistress,sufficienttojustifythisladyfordispensingwithherprinciples?Doesshenotshowmethatshecanwilfullydeceive,aswellasI?
Hadshebeeninthefore-house,andnopassagetogothroughtogetatthestreet-door,shehadcertainlybeengone.Butherhastebetrayedher:forSallyMartinhappeningtobeinthefore-parlour,andhearingaswiftermotionthanusual,andarustlingofsilks,asiffromsomebodyinahurry,lookedout;andseeingwhoitwas,steptbetweenherandthedoor,andsetherbackagainstit.
Youmustnotgo,Madam.Indeedyoumustnot.
Bywhatright?--Andhowdareyou?--Andsuch-likeimperiousairsthedearcreaturegaveherself.--WhileSallycalledoutforheraunt;andhalfadozenvoicedjoinedinstantlyinthecry,formetohastendown,tohastendowninamoment.
IwasgravelyinstructingDorcasabovestairs,andwonderingwhatwould
bethesubjectoftheconversationtowhichthewenchwastobeawitness,whentheseoutcriesreachedmyears.AnddownIflew.--Andtherewasthecharmingcreature,thesweetdeceiver,pantingforbreath,herbackagainstthepartition,aparcelinherhand,[womenmakenoexcursionswithouttheirparcels,]Sally,Polly,(butPollyobliginglypleadedforher,)themother,Mabell,andPeter,(thefootmanofthehouse,)abouther;all,however,keepingtheirdistance;themotherandSallybetweenherandthedoor--inhersoftragethedearsoulrepeating,Iwillgo--nobodyhasaright--Iwillgo--ifyoukillme,women,Iwon'tgoupagain!
Assoonasshesawme,shesteptapaceortwotowardsme;Mr.Lovelace,Iwillgo!saidshe--doyouauthorizethesewomen--whatrighthavethey,
oryoueither,tostopme?
Isthis,mydear,preparativetotheconversationyouledmetoexpectinthedining-room?Anddoyouthing[sic]Icanpartwithyouthus?--DoyouthinkIwill.
AndamI,Sir,tobethusbeset?--Surroundedthus?--Whathavethesewomentodowithme?
Idesiredthemtoleaveus,allbutDorcas,whowasdownassoonasI.Ithenthoughtitrighttoassumeanairofresolution,havingfoundmytamenesssogreatlytriumphedover.Andnow,mydear,saidI,(urgingherreluctantfeet,)bepleasedtowalkintothefore-parlour.Here,
sinceyouwillnotgoupstairs,herewemayholdourparley;andDorcaswillbewitnesstoit.Andnow,Madam,seatingher,andstickingmyhandsinmysides,yourpleasure!
Insolentvillain!saidthefuriouslady.Andrising,rantothewindow,andthrewupthesash,[sheknewnot,Isuppose,thattherewereironrailsbeforethewindows.]And,whenshefoundshecouldnotgetoutintothestreet,claspingherupliftedhandstogether,havingdroptherparcel--FortheloveofGod,goodhonestman!--FortheloveofGod,mistress--[totwopassersby,]apoor,apoorcreature,saidshe,ruined!
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----
Iclaspedherinmyarms,peoplebeginningtogatheraboutthewindow:andthenshecriedoutMurder!help!help!andcarriedheruptothedining-room,inspiteofherlittleplottingheart,(asImaynowcallit,)althoughsheviolentlystruggled,catchingholdofthebanistershereandthere,asshecould.Iwouldhaveseatedherthere;butshesunkdownhalf-motionless,paleasashes.Andaviolentburstoftearshappilyrelievedher.
Dorcasweptoverher.Thewenchwasactuallymovedforher!
Violenthystericssucceeded.IlefthertoMabell,Dorcas,andPolly;thelatterthemostsupportabletoherofthesisterhood.
Thisattempt,soresolutelymade,alarmedmenotalittle.
Mrs.Sinclairandhernymphs,aremuchmoreconcerned;becauseofthereputationoftheirhouseastheycallit,havingreceivedsomeinsults(brokenwindowsthreatened)tomakethemproducetheyoungcreaturewhocriedout.
Whilethemobbishinquisitorswereintheheightoftheiroffice,thewomencamerunninguptome,toknowwhattheyshoulddo;aconstable
beingactuallyfetched.Gettheconstableintotheparlour,saidI,withthreeorfouroftheforwardestofthemob,andproduceoneofthenymphs,onion-eyed,inamoment,withdisorderedhead-dressandhandkerchief,andletherownherselftheperson:theoccasion,afemaleskirmish:butsatisfiedwiththejusticedoneher.Thengiveadramortwotoeachfellow,andallwillbewell.
ELEVENO'CLOCK.
AlldoneasIadvised;andalliswell.
Mrs.Sinclairwishesshehadneverseenthefaceofsoskittishalady;andsheandSallyareextremelypressingwithme,toleavetheperversebeautytotheirbreaking,astheycallit,forfourorfivedays.ButIcursedthemintosilence;onlyorderingdoubleprecautionforthefuture.
Polly,thoughsheconsoledthedearperverseoneallshecould,whenwithher,insistsuponittome,thatnothingbutterrorwillprocuremetolerableusage.
Dorcaswaschallengedbythewomenuponhertears.Sheownedthemreal.Saidshewasashamedofherself:butcouldnothelpit.Sosincere,sounyieldingagrief,insosweetalady!--
Thewomenlaughedather;butIbidhermakenoapologiesforhertears,normindtheirlaughing.Iwasgladtoseethemsoready.Goodusemightbemadeofsuchstrangers.Inshort,Iwouldnothaveherindulgethemoften,andtryifitwerenotpossibletogainherlady'sconfidencebyherconcernforher.
Shesaidthatherladydidtakekindnoticeofthemtoher;andwasgladtoseesuchtokensofhumanityinher.
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Wellthen,saidI,yourpart,whetheranythingcomeofitornot,istobetender-hearted.Itcandonoharm,ifnogood.Buttakecareyouarenottoosuddenly,ortooofficiouslycompassionate.
SoDorcaswillbeahumane,goodsortofcreature,Ibelieve,veryquicklywithherlady.Andasitbecomeswomentobeso,andasmybelovediswillingtothinkhighlyofherownsex;itwillthemorereadilypasswithher.
Ithoughttohavehadonetrial(havinggonesofar)forcohabitation.Butwhathopecantherebeofsucceeding?--Sheisinvincible!--Againstallmymotions,againstallmyconceptions,(thinkingofherasawoman,andintheverybloomofhercharms,)sheisabsolutelyinvincible.Mywholeview,atthepresent,istodoherlegaljustice,ifIcanbutoncemoregetheroutofheraltitudes.
Theconsentofsuchawomanmustmakeherevernew,evercharming.Butastonishing!Canthewantofachurch-ceremonymakesuchadifference!
Sheowesmeherconsent;forhithertoIhavehadnothingtoboastof.Allofmyside,hasbeendeepremorse,anguishofmind,andloveincreasedratherthanabated.
Howherproudrejectionstingsme!--AndyetIhopestilltogetherto
listentomystoriesofthefamily-reconciliation,andofheruncleandCapt.Tomlinson--andasshehasgivenmeapretencetodetainheragainstherwill,shemustseeme,whetherintemperornot.--Shecannothelpit.Andiflovewillnotdo,terror,asthewomenadvise,mustbetried.
Anicepart,afterall,hasmybelovedtoact.Ifsheforgivemeeasily,Iresumeperhapsmyprojects:--ifshecarryherrejectionintoviolence,thatviolencemaymakemedesperate,andoccasionfreshviolence.Sheought,sinceshethinksshehasfoundthewomenout,toconsiderwheresheis.
Iamconfoundedlyoutofconceitwithmyself.IfIgiveupmycontrivances,myjoyinstratagem,andplot,andinvention,Ishallbe
butacommonman;suchanotherdullheavycreatureasthyself.Yetwhatdoesevenmysuccessinmymachinationsbringmebutregret,disgrace,repentance?ButIamovermatched,egregiouslyovermatched,bythiswoman.Whattodowithher,orwithouther,Iknownot.
LETTERXX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
IhavethismomentintelligencefromSimonParsons,oneofLordM.'s
stewards,thathisLordshipisveryill.Simon,whoismyobsequiousservant,invirtueofmypresumptiveheirship,givesmeahintinhisletter,thatmypresenceatM.Hallwillnotbeamiss.SoImustaccelerate,whateverbethecourseIshallbeallowedorcompelledtotake.
Nobadprospectsforthischarmingcreature,iftheoldpeerwouldbesokindastosurrender;andmanyasummonshasthisgoutgivenhim.Agood8000£.a-year,andperhapsthetitlereversionary,orastillhigher,wouldhelpmeupwithher.
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Proudlyasthisladypretendstobeaboveallpride,grandeurwillhaveitscharmswithher;forgrandeuralwaysmakesaman'sfaceshineinawoman'seye.Ihaveaprettygood,becauseaclear,estate,asitis.Butwhatanoblevarietyofmischiefwill8000£.a-year,enableamantodo?
Perhapsthou'ltsay,Idoalreadyallthatcomesintomyhead;butthat'samistake--notonehalfIwillassurethee.Andevengoodfolks,asIhaveheard,lovetohavethepowerofdoingmischief,whethertheymakeuseofitornot.ThelateQueenAnne,whowasaverygoodwoman,wasalwaysfondofprerogative.Andherministers,inhername,inmoreinstancesthanone,madeaministerialuseofthisherfoible.
***
Butnow,atlast,amItobeadmittedtothepresenceofmyangryfair-one;afterthreedenials,nevertheless;andaperemptoryfromme,byDorcas,thatImustseeherinherchamber,ifIcannotseeherinthedining-room.
Dorcas,however,tellsmethatshesays,ifshewereatherownliberty,
shewouldneverseememore;andthatshehadbeenaskingafterthecharactersandconditionsoftheneighbours.Isuppose,nowshehasfoundhervoice,tocalloutforhelpfromthem,iftherewereanytohearher.
Shewillhaveitnow,itseems,thatIhadthewickednessfromtheverybeginning,tocontrive,forherruin,ahousesoconvenientfordreadfulmischief.
Dorcasbegsofhertobepacified--entreatshertoseemewithpatience--tellsherthatIamoneofthemostdeterminedofmen,asshehasheardsay.Thatgentlenessmaydowithme;butthatnothingelsewill,shebelieves.Andwhat,asherladyship(asshealwaysstylesher,)is
married,ifIhadbrokenmyoath,orintendedtobreakit!--
Shehintedplainenoughtothehonestwench,thatshewasnotmarried.ButDorcaswouldnotunderstandher.
Thisshowssheisresolvedtokeepnomeasures.Andnowistobeatrialofskill,whethersheshallornot.
DorcashashintedtohermyLord'sillness,asapieceofintelligencethatdroptinconversationfromme.
ButhereIstop.Mybeloved,pursuanttomyperemptorymessage,isjustgoneupintothedining-room.
LETTERXXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAYAFTERNOON.
Pityme,Jack,forpity'ssake;since,ifthoudostnot,nobodyelse
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will:andyetneverwasthereamanofmygeniusandlivelytemperthatwanteditmore.Weareapttoattributetothedevileverythinghappenstous,whichwewouldnothavehappen:buthere,being,(asperhapsthou'ltsay,)thedevilmyself,myplaguesarisefromanangel.Isupposeallmankindistobeplaguedbyitscontrary.
Shebeganwithmelikeatruewoman,[sheinthefault,Itobeblamed,]themomentIenteredthedining-room:nottheleastapology,nottheleastexcuse,fortheuproarshehadmade,andthetroubleshehadgivenme.
Icome,saidshe,intothydetestedpresence,becauseIcannothelpit.ButwhyamItobeimprisonedhere?--Althoughtonopurpose,Icannothelp----
DearestMadam,interruptedI,givenotwaytosomuchviolence.Youmustknow,thatyourdetentionisentirelyowingtothedesireIhavetomakeyoualltheamendsthatisinmypowertomakeyou.Andthis,aswellforyoursakeasmyown.Surelythereisstillonewaylefttorepairthewrongsyouhavesuffered----
Canstthoublotoutthepastweek!Severalweekspast,Ishouldsay;eversinceIhavebeenwiththee?Canstthoucallbacktime?--Ifthoucanst----
Surely,Madam,againinterruptingher,ifImaybepermittedtocallyoulegallymine,Imighthavebutanticip----
Wretch,thatthouart!Saynotanotherworduponthissubject.Whenthouvowedst,whenthoupromisedstatHampstead,IhadbeguntothinkthatImustbethine.IfIhadconsented,attherequestofthoseIthoughtthyrelations,thiswouldhavebeenaprincipalinducement,thatIcouldthenhavebroughtthee,whatwasmostwanted,anunsulliedhonourindowry,toawretchdestituteofallhonour;andcouldhavemetthegratulationsofafamilytowhichthylifehasbeenonecontinueddisgrace,withaconsciousnessofdeservingtheirgratulations.Butthinkestthou,thatIwillgiveaharlotniecetothyhonourableuncle,
andtothyrealaunts;andacousintothycousinsfromabrothel?forsuch,inmyopinion,isthisdetestedhouse!--Then,liftingupherclaspedhands,'GreatandgoodGodofHeaven,'saidshe,'givemepatiencetosupportmyselfundertheweightofthoseafflictions,whichthou,forwiseandgoodends,thoughatpresentimpenetrablebyme,hastpermitted!'
Then,turningtowardsme,whoknewneitherwhattosaytoher,norformyself,Irenouncetheeforever,Lovelace!--Abhorredofmysoul!foreverIrenouncethee!--Seekthyfortuneswheresoeverthouwilt!--onlynow,thatthouhastalreadyruinedme!--
Ruinedyou,Madam--theworldneednot--Iknewnotwhattosay.
Ruinedmeinmyowneyes;andthatisthesametomeasifalltheworldknewit--hindermenotfromgoingwhithermymysteriousdestinyshallleadme.
Whyhesitateyou,Sir?Whatrighthaveyoutostopme,asyoulatelydid;andtobringmeupbyforce,myhandsandarmsbruisedbyyourviolence?Whatrighthaveyoutodetainmehere?
Iamcuttotheheart,Madam,withinvectivessoviolent.Iambuttoo
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sensibleofthewrongIhavedoneyou,orIcouldnotbearyourreproaches.Themanwhoperpetratesavillany,andresolvestogoonwithit,showsnotthecompunctionIshow.Yet,ifyouthinkyourselfinmypower,Iwouldcautionyou,Madam,nottomakemedesperate.Foryoushallbemine,ormylifeshallbetheforfeit!Norislifeworthhavingwithoutyou!--
Bethine!--Ibethine!--saidthepassionatebeauty.Ohowlovelyinherviolence!
Yes,Madam,bemine!Irepeatyoushallbemine!Myverycrimeisyourglory.Mylove,myadmirationofyouisincreasedbywhathaspassed--andsoitought.Iamwilling,Madam,tocourtyourreturningfavour;butletmetellyou,werethehousebesetbyathousandarmedmen,resolvedtotakeyoufromme,theyshouldnoteffecttheirpurpose,whileIhadlife.
Inever,neverwillbeyour's,saidshe,claspingherhandstogether,andliftinguphereyes!--Ineverwillbeyour's!
Wemayyetseemanyhappyyears,Madam.Allyourfriendsmaybereconciledtoyou.Thetreatyforthatpurposeisingreaterforwardnessthanyouimagine.Youknowbetterthantothinktheworseofyourselfforsufferingwhatyoucouldnothelp.EnjoinbutthetermsIcanmake
mypeacewithyouupon,andIwillinstantlycomply.Never,never,repeatedshe,willIbeyour's!
Onlyforgiveme,mydearestlife,thisonetime!--Avirtuesoinvincible!whatfurtherviewcanIhaveagainstyou?--HaveIattemptedanyfurtheroutrage?--Ifyouwillbemine,yourinjurieswillbeinjuriesdonetomyself.Youhavetoowellguessedattheunnaturalartsthathavebeenused.Butcanagreatertestimonybegivenofyourvirtue?--AndnowIhaveonlytohope,thatalthoughIcannotmakeyoucompleteamends,yetyouwillpermitmetomakeyoualltheamendsthatcanpossiblybemade.
Here[sic]meout,Ibeseechyou,Madam;forshewasgoingtospeakwith
anaspectunpacifiedlyangry:theGod,whomyouserve,requiresbutrepentanceandamendment.Imitatehim,mydearestlove,andblessmewiththemeansofreformingacourseoflifethatbeginstobehatefultome.Thatwasonceyourfavouritepoint.Resumeit,dearestcreature,incharitytoasoul,aswellasbody,whichonce,asIflatteredmyself,wasmorethanindifferenttoyou,resumeit.Andletto-morrow'ssunwitnesstoourespousals.
Icannotjudgethee,saidshe;buttheGODtowhomthousoboldlyreferrestcan,and,assurethyself,Hewill.But,ifcompunctionhasreallytakenholdofthee--if,indeed,thouarttouchedforthyungratefulbaseness,andmeanestanythingbythispleadingtheholyexamplethourecommendesttomyimitation;inthisthypretended
repentantmoment,letmesifttheethoroughly,andbythyanswerIshalljudgeofthesincerityofthypretendeddeclarations.
Tellme,then,isthereanyrealityinthetreatythouhaspretendedtobeonfootbetweenmyuncleandCapt.Tomlinson,andthyself?--Say,andhesitatenot,isthereanytruthinthatstory?--But,remember,iftherebenot,andthouavowestthatthereis,whatfurthercondemnationattendstothyaverment,ifitbeassolemnasIrequireittobe!
Thiswasacursedthrust!WhatcouldIsay!--Surelythismercilesslady
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isresolvedtod--nme,thoughtI,andyetaccusesmeofadesignagainsthersoul!--ButwasInotobligedtoproceedasIhadbegun?
Inshort,Isolemnlyaverredthattherewas!--Howonecrime,asthegoodfolkssay,bringsonanother!
Iadded,thattheCaptainhadbeenintown,andwouldhavewaitedonher,hadshenotbeenindisposed;thathewentdownmuchafflicted,aswellonheraccount,asonthatofheruncle;thoughIhadnotacquaintedhimeitherwiththenatureofherdisorder,ortheever-to-be-regrettedoccasionofit,havingtoldhimthatitwasaviolentfever;Thathehadtwicesince,byheruncle'sdesire,sentuptoinquireafterherhealth;andthatIhadalreadydispatchedamanandhorsewithaletter,toacquainthim,(andherunclethroughhim,)withherrecovery;makingitmyearnestrequest,thathewouldrenewhisapplicationtoheruncleforthefavourofhispresenceattheprivatecelebrationsofournuptials;andthatIexpectedananswer,ifnotthisnight,asto-morrow.
Letmeasktheenext,saidshe,(thouknowesttheopinionIhaveofthewomenthoubroughtesttomeatHampstead;andwhohaveseducedmehithertomyruin;letmeaskthee,)If,reallyandtruly,theywereLadyBettyLawranceandthycousinMontague?--Whatsayestthou--hesitatenot--whatsayestthoutothisquestion?
Astonishing,mydear,thatyoushouldsuspectthem!--But,knowingyourstrangeopinionofthem,whatcanIsaytobebelieved?
Andisthistheanswerthoureturnestme?Dostthouthusevademyquestion?Butletmeknow,forIamtryingthysinceritynow,andallshalljudgeofthynewprofessionsbythyanswertothisquestion;letmeknow,Irepeat,whetherthosewomenbereallyLadyBettyLawranceandthycousinMontague?
Letme,mydearestlove,beenabledto-morrowtocallyoulawfullymine,andwewillsetoutthenextday,ifyouplease,toBerkshiretomyLordM.'s,wheretheybothareatthistime;andyoushallconvinceyourselfbyyourowneyes,andbyyourownears;whichyouwillbelievesooner
thanallIcansayorswear.
Now,Belford,Ihadreallysomeapprehensionoftreacheryfromthee;whichmademesomiserablyevade;forelse,Icouldassafelyhavesworntothetruthofthis,astothatoftheformer:butshepressingmestillforacategoricalanswer,Iventuredplumb;andsworetoit,[lover'soaths,Jack!]thattheywerereallyandtrulyLadyBettyLawranceandmycousinMontague.
Sheliftedupherhandsandeyes--WhatcanIthink!--whatcanIthink!
Youthinkmeadevil,Madam;averydevil!oryoucouldnotafteryouhaveputthesequestionstome,seemtodoubtthetruthofanswersso
solemnlyswornto.
AndifIdothinktheeso,haveInotcause?Isthereanothermanintheworld,(Ihopeforthesakeofhumannature,thereisnot,)whocouldactbyanypoorfriendlesscreatureasthouhastactedbyme,whomthouhastmadefriendless--andwho,beforeIknewthee,hadforafriendeveryonewhoknewme?
Itoldyou,Madam,beforethatLadyBettyandmycousinwereactuallyhere,inordertotakeleaveofyou,beforetheysetoutforBerkshire:
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buttheeffectsofmyungratefulcrime,(such,withshameandremorse,Iownittobe,)werethereasonyoucouldnotseethem.NorcouldIbefondthattheyshouldseeyou;sincetheyneverwouldhaveforgivenme,hadtheyknownwhathadpassed--andwhatreasonhadItoexpectyoursilenceonthesubject,hadyoubeenrecovered?
Itsignifiesnothingnow,thatthecauseoftheirappearancehasbeenansweredinmyruin,whoorwhattheyare:butifthouhastaverredthussolemnlytotwofalsehoods,whatawretchdoIseebeforeme!
Ithoughtshehadnowreasontobesatisfied;andIbeggedhertoallowmetotalktoherofto-morrow,asofthehappiestdayofmylife.Wehavethelicense,Madam--andyoumustexcuseme,thatIcannotletyougohencetillIhavetriedeverywayIcantoobtainyourforgiveness.
AndamIthen,[withakindoffranticwildness,]tobedetainedaprisonerinthishorridhouse--amI,Sir?--Takecare!takecare!holdingupherhand,menacing,howyoumakemedesperate!IfIfall,thoughbymyownhand,inquisitionwillbemadeformyblood;andbenotoutinthyplot,Lovelace,ifitshouldbeso--makesurework,Ichargethee--digaholedeepenoughtocraminandconcealthisunhappybody;for,dependuponit,thatsomeofthosewhowillnotstirtoprotectmeliving,willmoveheavenandearthtoavengemedead!
Ahorriddearcreature!--Bymysoulshemademeshudder!Shehadneedindeedtotalkofherunhappinessinfallingintothehandsoftheonlymanintheworld,whocouldhaveusedherasIhaveusedher--sheistheonlywomanintheworld,whocouldhaveshockedanddisturbedmeasshehasdone.Soweareuponafootinthatrespect.AndIthinkIhavetheworstofitbymuch:sinceverylittlehasbeenmyjoy--verymuchmytrouble.Andherpunishment,asshecallsit,isover:butwhenminewill,orwhatitmaybe,whocantell?
Here,onlyrecapitulating,(think,then,howImustbeaffectedatthetime,)Iwasforcedtoleaveoff,andsingasongtomyself.Iaimedatalivelyair;butIcroakedratherthansung.AndfellintotheolddismalthirtiethofJanuarystrain;Ihemmedupforasprightliernote;
butitwouldnotdo;andatlastIended,likeamalefactor,inadeadpsalmmelody.
Heigh-ho!--Igapelikeanunfledgedkiteinitsnest,wantingtoswallowachicken,bobbedatitsmouthbyitsmaraudingdam!--
Whata-devilailsme?--Icanneitherthinknorwrite!
Liedown,pen,foramoment!
LETTERXXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Thereiscertainlyagooddealintheobservation,thatitcostsamantentimesmorepainstobewicked,thanitwouldcosthimtobegood.WhataconfoundednumberofcontrivanceshaveIhadrecourseto,inordertocarrymypointwiththischarmingcreature;andyetafterall,howhaveIpuzzledmyselfbyit;andyetamneartumblingintothepitwhichitwastheendofallmyplotstoshun!WhatahappymanhadIbeenwith
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suchanexcellence,couldIhavebroughtmymindtomarrywhenIfirstprevaileduponhertoquitherfather'shouse!Butthen,asIhaveoftenreflected,howhadIknown,thatabutblossomingbeauty,whocouldcarryonaprivatecorrespondence,andrunsuchrisqueswithanotoriouswildfellow,wasnotpromptedbyinclination,whichonedaymightgivesuchafree-liverasmyselfasmuchpaintoreflectupon,as,atthetimeitgavemepleasure?Thourememberestthehost'staleinAriosto.Andthyexperience,aswellasmine,canfurnishouttwentyFiametta'sinproofoftheimbecilityofthesex.
Buttoproceedwithmynarrative.
Thedearcreatureresumedthetopicherheartwassofirmlyfixedupon;andinsisteduponquittingtheodioushouse,andthatinveryhighterms.
Iurgedhertomeetmethenextdayatthealtarineitherofthetwochurchesmentionedinthelicense.AndIbesoughther,whateverwasherresolution,toletmedebatethismattercalmlywithher.
If,shesaid,IwouldhavehergivewhatIdesiredtheleastmoment'sconsideration,Imustnothinderherfrombeingherownmistress.TowhatpurposedidIaskherconsent,ifshehadnotapowerovereitherherownpersonoractions?
Willyougivemeyourhonour,Madam,ifIconsenttoyourquittingahousesodisagreeabletoyou?--
Myhonour,Sir!saidthedearcreature--Alas!--Andturnedweepingfrommewithinimitablegrace--asifshehadsaid--Alas!--youhaverobbedmeofmyhonour!
Ihopedthen,thatherangrypassionsweresubsiding;butIwasmistaken;for,urgingherwarmlyfortheday;andthatforthesakeofourmutualhonour,andthehonourofbothourfamilies;inthishigh-flownandhigh-souledstrainsheansweredme:
Andcanstthou,Lovelace,besomean--astowishtomakeawifeofthe
creaturethouhastinsulted,dishonoured,andabused,asthouhastme?Wasitnecessarytohumblemedowntothelowlevelofthybaseness,beforeIcouldbeawifemeetforthee?Thouhadstafather,whowasamanofhonour:amother,whodeservedabetterson.Thouhastanuncle,whoisnodishonourtothePeerageofakingdom,whosepeersaremorerespectablethanthenobilityofanyothercountry.Thouhastotherrelationsalso,whomaybethyboast,thoughthoucanstnotbetheirs--andcanstthounotimagine,thatthouhearestthemcallinguponthee;thedeadfromtheirmonuments;thelivingfromtheirlaudablepride;nottodishonourthyancientandsplendidhouse,byenteringintowedlockwithacreaturewhomthouhastlevelledwiththedirtofthestreet,andclassedwiththevilestofhersex?
Iextolledhergreatnessofsoul,andhervirtue.Iexecratedmyselfformyguilt:andtoldher,howgratefultothemanesofmyancestors,aswellastothewishesoftheliving,thehonourIsupplicatedforwouldbe.
Butstillsheinsisteduponbeingafreeagent;ofseeingherselfinotherlodgingsbeforeshewouldgivewhatIurgedtheleastconsideration.Norwouldshepromisemefavoureventhen,ortopermitmyvisits.Howthen,asIaskedher,couldIcomply,withoutresolvingtoloseherforever?
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Sheputherhandtoherforeheadoftenasshetalked;andatlast,pleadingdisorderinherhead,retired;neitherofussatisfiedwiththeother.Butshetentimesmoredissatisfiedwithme,thanIwithher.
Dorcasseemstobecomingintofavourwithher--
Whatnow!--Whatnow!
MONDAYNIGHT.
Howdeterminedisthislady!--Againhadsheliketohaveescapedus!--Whatafixedresentment!--Sheonly,Ifind,assumedalittlecalm,inordertoquietsuspicion.Shewasgotdown,andactuallyhadunboltedthestreet-door,beforeIcouldgettoher;alarmedasIwasbyMrs.Sinclair'scookmaid,whowastheonlyonethatsawherflythroughthepassage:yetlightningwasnotquickerthanI.
AgainIbroughtherbacktothedining-room,withinfinitereluctanceonherpart.And,beforeherface,orderedaservanttobeplacedconstantlyatthebottomofthestairsforthefuture.
Sheseemedevenchokedwithgriefanddisappointment.
Dorcaswasexceedinglyassiduousabouther;andconfidentlygaveitasherownopinion,thatherdearladyshouldbepermittedtogotoanotherlodging,sincethiswassodisagreeabletoher:wereshetobekilledforsayingso,shewouldsayit.AndwasgoodDorcasforthisafterwards.
Butforsometimethedearcreaturewasallpassionandviolence--
Isee,Isee,saidshe,whenIhadbroughtherup,whatIamtoexpectfromyournewprofessions,Ovilestofmen!--
HaveIofferedtyou,mybelovedcreature,anythingthatcanjustifythisimpatienceafteramorehopefulcalm?
Shewrungherhands.Shedisorderedherhead-dress.Shetoreherruffles.Shewasinaperfectphrensy.
Idreadedherreturningmalady:but,entreatyratherexasperating,Iaffectedanangryair.--Ibidherexpecttheworstshehadtofear--andwasmenacingon,inhopestointimidateher;when,droppingtomyfeet,
'Twillbeamercy,saidshe,thehighestactofmercyyoucando,tokillmeoutrightuponthisspot--thishappyspot,asIwill,inmylastmoments,callit!--Then,baring,withastillmorefranticviolence,partofherenchantingneck--Here,here,saidthesoul-harrowingbeauty,letthypointedmercyenter!andIwillthankthee,andforgivetheeforall
thedreadfulpast!--WithmylatestgaspwillIforgiveandthankthee!--Orhelpmetothemeans,andIwillmyselfputoutofthewaysomiserableawretch!Andblesstheeforthosemeans!
Whyallthisextravagantpassion?Whyalltheseexclamations?HaveIofferedanynewinjurytoyou,mydearestlife?Whataphrensyisthis!AmInotreadytomakeyouallthereparationthatIcanmakeyou?HadInotreasontohope--
No,no,no,no,asbefore,shakingherheadwithwildimpatience,as
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resolvednottoattendtowhatIsaid.
Myresolutionsaresohonourable,ifyouwillpermitthemtotakeeffect,thatIneednotbesolicitouswhereyougo,ifyouwillbutpermitmyvisits,andreceivemyvows.--AndGodismywitness,thatIbringyounotbackfromthedoorwithanyviewtoyourdishonour,butthecontrary:andthismomentIwillsendforaministertoputanendtoallyourdoubtsandfears.
Saythis,andsayathousandtimesmore,andbindeverywordwithasolemnappealtothatGodwhomthouartaccustomedtoinvoketothetruthofthevilestfalsehoods,andallwillstillbeshortofwhatthouhasvowedandpromisedtome.And,werenotmyhearttoabhorthee,andtoriseagainstthee,forthyperjuries,asitdoes,Iwouldnot,Itelltheeoncemore,Iwouldnot,bindmysoulincovenantwithsuchaman,forathousandworlds!
Composeyourself,however,Madam;foryourownsake,composeyourself.Permitmetoraiseyouup;abhorredasIamofyoursoul!
Nay,ifImustnottouchyou;forshewildlyslaptmyhands;butwithsuchasweetpassionateair,herbosomheavingandthrobbingasshelookeduptome,thatalthoughIwasmostsincerelyenraged,Icouldwithtransporthavepressedhertomine.
IfImustnottouchyou,Iwillnot.--Butdependuponit,[andIassumedthesternestairIcouldassume,totrywhatitwoulddo,]dependuponit,Madam,thatthisisnotthewaytoavoidtheevilsyoudread.LetmedowhatIwill,Icannotbeusedworse--Dorcas,begone!
Shearose,Dorcasbeingabouttowithdraw;andwildlycaughtholdofherarm:ODorcas!Ifthouartofmineownsex,leavemenot,Ichargethee!--ThenquittingDorcas,downshethrewherselfuponherknees,inthefurthermostcorneroftheroom,claspingachairwithherfacelaiduponthebottomofit!--OwherecanIbesafe?--Where,wherecanIbesafe,fromthismanofviolence?--
ThisgaveDorcasanopportunitytoconfirmherselfinherlady'sconfidence:thewenchthrewherselfatmyfeet,whileIseemedinviolentwrath;andembracingmyknees,Killme,Sir,killme,Sir,ifyouplease!--Imustthrowmyselfinyourway,tosavemylady.Ibegyourpardon,Sir--butyoumustbeseton!--Godforgivethemischief-makers!--Butyourownheart,iflefttoitself,wouldnotpermitthesethings--spare,however,Sir!sparemylady,Ibeseechyou!--bustlingonherkneesaboutme,asifIwereintendingtoapproachherlady,hadInotbeenrestrainedbyher.
This,humouredbyme,Begone,devil!--Officiousdevil,begone!--startledthedearcreature:who,snatchinguphastilyherheadfromthechair,andashastilypoppingitdownagaininterror,hithernose,Isuppose,
againsttheedgeofthechair;anditgushedoutwithblood,runninginastreamdownherbosom;sheherselfwastoomuchfrightedtoheedit!
NeverwasmortalmaninsuchterrorandagitationasI;forIinstantlyconcluded,thatshehadstabbedherselfwithsomeconcealedinstrument.
Irantoherinawildagony--forDorcaswasfrightedoutofallhermockinterposition----
Whathaveyoudone!--Owhathaveyoudone!--Lookuptome,mydearest
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life!--Sweetinjuredinnocence,lookuptome!Whathaveyoudone!--LongwillInotsurviveyou!--AndIwasuponthepointofdrawingmyswordtodispatchmyself,whenIdiscovered--[Whatanunmanlyblockheaddoesthischarmingcreaturemakemeatherpleasure!]thatallIapprehendedwasbutabloodynose,which,asfarasIknow(foritcouldnotbestoppedinaquarterofanhour)mayhavesavedherheadandherintellects.
ButIseebythisscene,thatthesweetcreatureisbutaprettycowardatbottom;andthatIcanterrifyheroutofhervirulenceagainstme,wheneverIputonsternnessandanger.Butthen,asaqualifiertotheadvantagethisgivesmeoverher,Ifindmyselftobeacowardtoo,whichIhadnotbeforesuspected,sinceIwascapableofbeingsoeasilyterrifiedbytheapprehensionsofherofferingviolencetoherself.
LETTERXXIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Butwithallthisdearcreature'sresentmentagainstme,Icannot,formyheart,thinkbutshewillgetallover,andconsenttoenterthepalewithme.Weresheeventodieto-morrow,andtoknowsheshould,would
notawomanofhersense,ofherpunctilio,andinhersituation,andofsoproudafamily,ratherdiemarried,thanotherwise?--Nodoubtbutshewould;althoughsheweretohatethemaneversoheartily.Ifso,thereisnowbutonemanintheworldwhomshecanhave--andthatisme.
NowItalk[familiarwritingisbuttalking,Jack]thusgliblyofenteringthepale,thouwiltbereadytoquestionme,Iknow,astomyintentionsonthishead.
Asmuchofmyheart,asIknowofitmyself,willItellthee.--WhenIamfromher,Icannotstillhelphesitatingaboutmarriage;andIevenfrequentlyresolveagainstit,anddeterminetopressmyfavouriteschemeforcohabitation.ButwhenIamwithher,Iamreadytosay,toswear,
andtodo,whateverIthinkwillbethemostacceptabletoher,andwereaparsonathand,Ishouldplungeatonce,nodoubtofit,intothestate.
Ihavefrequentlythought,incommoncases,thatitishappyformanygiddyfellows[therearegiddyfellows,aswellasgiddygirls,Jack;andperhapsthoseareasoftendrawnin,asthese]thatceremonyandparadearenecessarytotheirrevocablesolemnity;andthatthereisgenerallytimeforamantorecollecthimselfinthespacebetweentheheatedover-night,andthecoolernextmorning;orIknownotwhocouldescapethesweetgypsies,whosefascinatingpowersaresomuchaidedbyourownraisedimaginations.
Awifeatanytime,Iusedtosay.IhadeverconfidenceandvanityenoughtothinkthatnowomanbreathingcoulddenyherhandwhenIheldoutmine.Iamconfoundedlymortifiedtofindthatthisladyisabletoholdmeatbay,andtorefuseallmyhonestvows.
Whatforce[allowmeaseriousreflection,Jack:itwillbeputdown!Whatforce]haveevilhabitsuponthehumanmind!Whenweenteruponadeviouscourse,wethinkweshallhaveitinourpowerwhenwewillreturntotherightpath.Butitisnotso,Iplainlysee:For,whocanacknowledgewithmorejusticethisdearcreature'smerits,andhisown
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errors,thanI?Whoseregret,attimes,canbedeeperthanmine,fortheinjuriesIhavedoneher?Whoseresolutionstorepairthoseinjuriesstronger?--Yethowtransitoryismypenitence!--HowamIhurriedaway--Canstthoutellbywhat?--Odevilofyouth,anddevilofintrigue,howdoyoumisleadme!--Howoftendoweendinoccasionsforthedeepestremorse,whatwebegininwantonness!--
Atthepresentwriting,however,theturnofthescaleisinbehalfofmatrimony--forIdespairofcarryingwithhermyfavouritepoint.
TheladytellsDorcas,thatherheartisbroken:andthatsheshalllivebutalittlewhile.Ithinknothingofthat,ifwemarry.Inthefirstplace,sheknowsnotwhatamindunapprehensivewilldoforher,inastatetowhichallthesexlookforwardswithhighsatisfaction.Howoftenhavethewholeofthesacredconclavebeenthusdeceivedintheirchoiceofapope;notconsideringthatthenewdignityisofitselfsufficienttogivenewlife!Afewmonths'heart'seasewillgivemycharmeraquitedifferentnotionofthings:andIdaresay,asIhaveheretoforesaid,*oncemarried,andIammarriedforlife.
*SeeLetterIX.ofthisvolume.
Iwillallowthatherpride,inonesense,hassufferedabasement:buthertriumphisthegreaterineveryother.AndwhileIcanthinkthatallhertrialsarebutadditionstoherhonour,andthatIhavelaidthefoundationsofhergloryinmyownshame,canIbecalledcruel,ifIamnotaffectedwithhergriefassomemenwouldbe?
Andforwhatshouldherheartbebroken?Herwillisunviolated;--atpresent,however,herwillisunviolated.Thedestroyingofgoodhabits,andtheintroducingofbad,tothecorruptingofthewholeheart,istheviolation.Thatherwillisnottobecorrupted,thathermindisnottobedebased,shehashithertounquestionablyproved.Andifshegivecauseforfarthertrials,andholdfastherintegrity,whatideaswillshehavetodwellupon,thatwillbeabletocorrupthermorals?What
vestigia,whatremembrances,butsuchaswillinspireabhorrenceoftheattempter?
Whatnonsensethentosupposethatsuchamerenotionalviolationasshehassufferedshouldbeabletocutasunderthestringsoflife?
Herreligion,married,ornotmarried,willsetherabovemakingsuchatriflingaccident,suchaninvoluntarysufferingfataltoher.
Suchconsiderationsasthesetheyarethatsupportmeagainstallapprehensionsofbugbearconsequences;andIwouldhavethemhaveweightwiththee;whoaresuchadoughtyadvocateforher.AndyetIallowtheethis;thatshereallymakestoomuchofit;takesittoomuchtoheart.
Tobesuresheoughttohaveforgotitbythistime,exceptthecharming,charmingconsequencehappen,thatstillIaminhopeswillhappen,wereItoproceednofarther.And,ifsheapprehendedthisherself,thenhasthedearover-nicesoulsomereasonfortakingitsomuchtoheart;andyetwouldnot,Ithink,refusetolegitimate.
OJack!hadIamimperialdiadem,Isweartothee,thatIwouldgiveitup,eventomyenemy,tohaveonecharmingboybythislady.Andshouldsheescapeme,andnosucheffectfollow,myrevengeonherfamily,and,insuchacase,onherself,wouldbeincomplete,andIshouldreproach
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myselfaslongasIlived.
WereItobesurethatthisfoundationislaid[AndwhymayInothopeitis?]Ishouldnotdoubttohaveherstill(shouldshewithstandherdayofgrace)onmyownconditions;norshouldI,ifitwereso,questionthatrevivedaffectioninher,whichawomanseldomfailstohaveforthefatherofherfirstchild,whetherborninwedlock,oroutofit.
Andpr'ythee,Jack,seeinthismyardenthope,adistinctioninmyfavourfromotherrakes;who,almosttoaman,followtheirinclinationswithouttroublingthemselvesaboutconsequences.Inimitation,asonewouldthink,ofthestruttingvillainofabird,whichfromfeatheredladytofeatheredladypursueshisimperialpleasures,leavingittohissleekparamourstohatchthegenialproductinholesandcornersoftheirownfindingout.
LETTERXXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAYMORN.JUNE20.
Well,Jack,nowareweuponanotherfootingtogether.Thisdearcreaturewillnotletmebegood.Sheisnowauthorizingallmyplotsbyherownexample.
Thoumustbepartialinthehighestdegree,ifnowthoublamestmeforresumingmyformerschemes,sinceinthatcaseIshallbutfollowhercue.NoforcedconstructionofheractionsdoImakeonthisoccasion,inordertojustifyabadcauseoraworseintention.Aslightpretence,indeed,servedthewolfwhenhehadamindtoquarrelwiththelamb;butthisisnotnowmycase.
Forhere(wouldstthouhavethoughtit?)takingadvantageofDorcas'scompassionatetemper,andofsomewarmexpressionswhichthe
tender-heartedwenchletfallagainstthecrueltyofmen,andwishingtohaveitinherpowertoserveher,hasshegivenherthefollowingnote,signedbyhermaidenname:forshehasthoughtfit,inpositiveandplainwords,toowntothepityingDorcasthatsheisnotmarried.
MONDAY,JUNE19.
Ithenunderwrittendoherebypromise,that,onmycomingintopossessionofmyownestate,IwillprovideforDorcasMartindaleinagentlewoman-likemanner,inmyownhouse:or,ifIdonotsoonobtainthatpossession,orshouldfirstdie,Idoherebybindmyself,myexecutors,andadministrators,topaytoher,orherorder,duringthetermofher
naturallife,thesumoffivepoundsoneachofthefourusualquarterlydaysintheyear;onconditionthatshefaithfullyassistmeinmyescapefromanillegalconfinementunderwhichInowlabour.Thefirstquarterlypaymenttocommenceandbepayableattheendofthreemonthsimmediatelyfollowingthedayofmydeliverance.AndIdoalsopromisetogiveher,asatestimonyofmyhonourintherest,adiamondring,whichIhaveshowedher.WitnessmyhandthisnineteenthdayofJune,intheyearabovewritten.
CLARISSAHARLOWE.
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Now,Jack,whattermswouldstthouhavemetokeepwithsuchasweetcorruptress?Seestthounothowshehatesme?Seestthounotthatsheisresolvednevertoforgiveme?Seestthounot,however,thatshemustdisgraceherselfintheeyeoftheworld,ifsheactuallyshouldescape?Thatshemustbesubjectedtoinfinitedistressandhazard!Forwhomhasshetoreceiveandprotecther?Yettodeterminetorisquealltheseevils!andfurthermoretostooptoartifice,tobeguiltyofthereigningviceofthetimes,ofbriberyandcorruption!OJack,Jack!saynot,writenotanotherwordinherfavour!
Thouhastblamedmeforbringinghertothishouse:buthadIcarriedhertoanyotherinEngland,wheretherewouldhavebeenoneservantorinmatecapableeitherofcompassionorcorruption,whatmusthavebeentheconsequence?
Butseestthounot,however,thatinthisflimsycontrivance,thedearimplacable,likeadrowningman,catchesatastrawtosaveherself!--Astrawshallshefindtobetherefugeshehasresortedto.
LETTERXXV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUES.MORN.TENO'CLOCK
Veryill--exceedinglyill--asDorcastellsme,inordertoavoidseeingme--andyetthedearsoulmaybesoinhermind.Butisnotthatequivocation?Someonepassionpredominatingineveryhumanbreast,breaksthroughprinciple,andcontroulsusall.Mineisloveandrevengetakingturns.Her'sishatred.--Butthisismyconsolation,thathatredappeasedislovebegun;orloverenewed,Imayrathersay,ifloveeverhadfootinghere.
Butreflectioningapart,thouseest,Jack,thatherplotisbeginningtowork.To-morrowistobreakout.
Ihavebeenabroad,tosetonfootaplotofcircumvention.Allfairnow,Belford!
Iinsisteduponvisitingmyindisposedfair-one.Dorcasmadeofficiousexcusesforher.Icursedthewenchinherhearingforherimpertinence;andstampedandmadeaclutter;whichwasimprovedintoanapprehensiontotheladythatIwouldhaveflungherfaithfulconfidantefromthetopofthestairstothebottom.
Heisaviolentwretch!--But,Dorcas,[dearDorcas,nowitis,]thou
shalthaveafriendinmetothelastdayofmylife.
Andwhatnow,Jack,dostthinkthenameofhergoodangelis!--WhyDorcasMartindale,christianandsuper(nomoreWykes)asinthepromissorynoteinmyformer--andthedearcreaturehasboundhertoherbythemostsolemnobligations,besidesthetieofinterest.
Whither,Madam,doyoudesigntogowhenyougetoutofthishouse?
IwillthrowmyselfintothefirstopenhouseIcanfind;andbeg
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protectiontillIcangetacoach,oralodginginsomehonestfamily.
Whatwillyoudoforclothes,Madam?Idoubtyou'llbeabletotakeanyawaywithyou,butwhatyou'llhaveon.
O,nomatterforclothes,ifIcanbutgetoutofthishouse.
Whatwillyoudoformoney,Madam?Ihaveheardhishonourexpresshisconcern,thathecouldnotprevailuponyoutobeobligedtohim,thoughheapprehendedthatyoumustbeshortofmoney.
O,Ihaveringsandothervaluables.IndeedIhavebutfourguineas,andtwoofthemIfoundlatelywraptupinabitoflace,designedforacharitableuse.Butnow,alas!charitybeginsathome!--ButIhaveonedearfriendleft,ifshebeliving,asIhopeinGodsheis!towhomIcanbeobliged,ifIwant.ODorcas!Imusterenowhaveheardfromher,ifIhadhadfairplay.
Well,Madam,your'sisahardlot.Ipityyouatmyheart!
Thankyou,Dorcas!--Iamunhappy,thatIdidnotthinkbefore,thatImighthaveconfidedinthypity,andinthysex!
Ipitiedyou,Madam,oftenandoften:butyouwerealways,asIthought,
diffidentofme.AndthenIdoubtednotbutyouweremarried;andIthoughthishonourwasunkindlyusedbyyou.SothatIthoughtitmydutytowishwelltohishonour,ratherthantowhatIthoughttobeyourhumours,Madam.WouldtoHeaventhatIhadknownbeforethatyouwerenotmarried!--Suchalady!suchafortune!tobesosadlybetrayed;----
Ah,Dorcas!Iwasbaselydrawnin!Myyouth--myignoranceoftheworld--andIhavesomethingstoreproachmyselfwithwhenIlookback.
Lord,Madam,whatdeceitfulcreaturesarethesemen!--Neitheroaths,norvows--Iamsure!Iamsure![andthenwithherapronshegavehereyeshalfadozenheartyrubs]ImaycursethetimethatIcameintothishouse!
Herewasaccountingforherboldeyes!AndwasitnotbetterforDorcastogiveupahousewhichherladycouldnotthinkworseofthanshedid,inordertogainthereputationofsincerity,thanbyofferingtovindicateit,tomakeherprofferedservicessuspected.
PoorDorcas!--Blessme!howlittledowe,whohavelivedallourtimeinthecountry,knowofthiswickedtown!
HadIbeenabletowrite,criedtheveteranwench,IshouldcertainlyhavegivensomeothernearrelationsIhaveinWalesalittleinklingofmatters;andtheywouldhavesavedmefrom----from----from----
Hersobswereenough.Theapprehensionsofwomenonsuchsubjectsareeveraforehandwithspeech.
Andthen,sobbingon,sheliftedheraprontoherfaceagain.Sheshowedmehow.
PoorDorcas!--Againwipingherowncharmingeyes.
Alllove,allcompassion,isthisdearcreaturetoeveryoneinafflictionbutme.
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Andwouldnotanauntprotectherkinswoman?--Abominablewretch!
Ican't--Ican't--Ican't--say,myauntwasprivytoit.Shegavemegoodadvice.SheknewnotforagreatwhilethatIwas--thatIwas--thatIwas--ugh!--ugh!--ugh!--
Nomore,nomore,goodDorcas--Whataworlddowelivein!--WhatahouseamIin!--Butcome,don'tweep,(thoughsheherselfcouldnotforbear:)mybeingbetrayedintoit,thoughtomyownruin,maybeahappyeventforthee:and,ifIlive,itshall.
Ithankyou,mygoodlady,blubbering.Iamsorry,verysorry,youhavehadsohardalot.Butitmaybethesavingofmysoul,ifIcangettoyourladyship'shouse.HadIbutknownthatyourladyshipwasnotmarried,Iwouldhaveeatmyownflesh,before----before----before----
Dorcassobbedandwept.Theladysighedandweptalso.
Butnow,Jack,foraseriousreflectionuponthepremises.
Howwillthegoodfolksaccountforit,thatSatanhassuchfaithfulinstruments,andthatthebondofwickednessisastrongerbondthanthetiesofvirtue;asifitwerethenatureofthehumanmindtobevillanous?
Forhere,hadDorcasbeengood,andbeentemptedasshewastemptedtoanythingevil,Imakenodoubtbutshewouldhaveyieldedtothetemptation.
Andcannotourfraternityinanhundredinstancesgiveproofofthelikepredominanceofviceovervirtue?Andthatwehaveriskedmoretoserveandpromotetheinterestsoftheformer,thaneveragoodmandidtoserveagoodmanoragoodcause?Forhavewenotbeenprodigaloflifeandfortune?havewenotdefiedthecivilmagistrateuponoccasion?andhavewenotattemptedrescues,anddaredallthings,onlytoextricateapoundedprofligate?
Whence,Jack,canthisbe?
O!Ihaveit,Ibelieve.Theviciousareasbadastheycanbe;anddotheDevil'sworkwithoutlookingafter;whileheiscontinuallyspreadingsnaresfortheothers;and,likeaskilfulangler,suitinghisbaitstothefishheanglesfor.
Norletevenhonestpeople,socalled,blamepoorDorcasforherfidelityinabadcause.Fordoesnotthegeneral,whoimplicitlyservesanambitiousprinceinhisunjustdesignsuponhisneighbours,oruponhisownoppressedsubjects;andeventhelawyer,who,forthesakeofapaltryfee,undertakestowhitenablackcause,andtodefenditagainstoneheknowstobegood,dotheverysamethingasDorcas?Andaretheynotbotheverywhitasculpable?Yettheoneshallbedubbedahero,theothercalledanadmirablefellow,andbecontendedforbyeveryclient,
andhisdouble-tonguedabilitiesshallcarryhimthroughallthehighprefermentsofthelawwithreputationandapplause.
Well,butwhatshallbedone,sincetheladyissomuchdeterminedonremoving!--Istherenowaytoobligeher,andyettomaketheveryactsubservienttomyotherviews?Ifancysuchawaymaybefoundout.
Iwillstudyforit----
SupposeIsufferhertomakeanescape?Herheartisinit.Ifshe
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effectit,thetriumphshewillhaveovermeuponitwillbeacounterbalanceforallshehassuffered.
IwillobligeherifIcan.
LETTERXXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Tiredwithasuccessionoffatiguingdaysandsleeplessnights,andwithcontemplatingtheprecarioussituationIstandinwithmybeloved,Ifellintoaprofoundreverie;whichbroughtonsleep;andthatproducedadream;afortunatedream;which,asIimagine,willaffordmyworkingmindthemeanstoeffecttheobligingdoublepurposemyheartisnowoncemoresetupon.
What,asIhaveoftencontemplated,istheenjoymentofthefinestwomanintheworld,tothecontrivance,thebustle,thesurprises,andatlastthehappyconclusionofawell-laidplot!--Thecharminground-abouts,tocometothenearestwayhome;--thedoubts;theapprehensions;theheart-achings;themeditatedtriumphs--thesearethejoysthatmakethe
blessingdear.--Foralltherest,whatisit?--Whatbuttofindanangelinimaginationdwindleddowntoawomaninfact?----Buttomydream----
MethoughtitwasaboutnineonWednesdaymorningthatachariot,withadowager'sarmsuponthedoors,andinitagravematronlylady[notunlikemotherH.intheface;but,inherheart,Oh!howunlike!]stoppedatagrocer'sshop,abouttendoorsontheothersideoftheway,inordertobuysomegroceries:andmethoughtDorcas,havingbeenouttoseeifthecoastwereclearforherlady'sflight,andifacoachweretobegotneartheplace,espiedthechariotwiththedowager'sarms,andthismatronlylady:andwhat,methought,didDorcas,thatsubtletraitress,do,butwhipuptotheoldmatronlylady,andliftinguphervoice,say,GoodmyLady,permitmeonewordwithyourLadyship!
Whatthouhasttosaytome,sayon,quoththeoldlady;thegrocerretiring,andstandingaloof,togiveDorcasleavetospeak;who,methought,inwordsliketheseaccostedthelady:
'Youseem,Madam,tobeaverygoodlady;andhere,inthisneighbourhood,atahouseofnohighrepute,isaninnocentladyofrankandfortune,beautifulasaMaymorning,andyouthfulasarose-bud,andfullassweetandlovely,whohasbeentrickedthitherbyawickedgentleman,practisedinthewaysofthetown,andthisverynightwillsheberuinedifshegetnotoutofhishands.Now,OLady!ifyouwillextendyourcompassionategoodnesstothisfairyounglady,inwhom,themomentyoubeholdher,youwillseecausetobelieveallIsay,andlet
herbuthaveaplaceinyourchariot,andremaininyourprotectionforonedayonly,tillshecansendamanandhorsetoherrichandpowerfulfriends,youmaysavefromruinaladywhohasnoequalforvirtueaswellasbeauty.'
Methoughttheoldlady,movedwithDorcas'sstory,answeredandsaid,'Hasten,Odamsel,whoinahappymomentartcometoputitinmypowertoservetheinnocentandvirtuous,whichithasalwaysbeenmydelighttodo:hastentothisyounglady,andbidherhiehithertomewithallspeed;andtellher,thatmychariotshallbeherasylum:andifIfind
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allthatthousayesttrue,myhouseshallbehersanctuary,andIwillprotectherfromallheroppressors.'
Hereupon,methought,thistraitressDorcashiedbacktothelady,andmadereportofwhatshehaddone.And,methought,theladyhighlyapprovedofDorcas'sproceedingandblessedherforhergoodthought.
AndIliftedupmineeyes,andbeholdtheladyissuedoutofthehouse,andwithoutlookingback,rantothechariotwiththedowager'scoatuponit;andwasreceivedbythematronlyladywithopenarms,and'Welcome,welcome,welcome,fairyounglady,whosowellanswerthedescriptionofthefaithfuldamsel:andIwillcarryyouinstantlytomyhouse,whereyoushallmeetwithallthegoodusageyourheartcanwishfor,tillyoucanapprizeyourrichandpowerfulfriendsofyourpastdangers,andpresentescape.'
'Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,worthy,thriceworthylady,whoaffordsokindlyyourprotectiontoamostunhappyyoungcreature,whohasbeenbaselyseducedandbetrayed,andbroughttotheverybrinkofdestruction.'
Methought,then,thematronlylady,whohad,bythetimetheyoungladycametoher,boughtandpaidforthegoodsshewanted,orderedhercoachmantodrivehomewithallspeed;whostoppednottillhehad
arrivedinacertainstreetnotfarfromLincoln's-inn-fields,wherethematronlyladylivedinasumptuousdwelling,repletewithdamselswhowroughtcuriouslyinmuslins,cambrics,andfinelinen,andineverygoodworkthatindustriousdamselslovetobeemployedabout,excepttheloomandthespinning-wheel.
And,methought,allthewaytheyoungladyandtheoldladyrode,andaftertheycamein,tilldinnerwasready,theyoungladyfilledupthetimewiththedismalaccountofherwrongsandhersufferings,thelikeofwhichwasneverheardbymortalear;andthisinsomovingamanner,thatthegoodoldladydidnothingbutweep,andsigh,andsob,andinveighagainsttheartsofwickedmen,andagainstthatabominable'SquireLovelace,whowasaplottingvillain,methoughtshesaid;and
morethanthat,anunchainedBeelzebub.
MethoughtIwasinadreadfulagony,whenIfoundtheladyhadescaped,andinmywrathhadliketohaveslainDorcas,andourmother,andeveryoneImet.But,bysomequicktransition,andstrangemetamorphosis,whichdreamsdonotusuallyaccountfor,methought,allofasudden,thismatronlyladyturnedintothefamousmotherH.herself;and,beinganoldacquaintanceofmotherSinclair,wasprevailedupontoassistinmyplotupontheyounglady.
Then,methought,followedastrangescene;formotherH.longingtohearmoreoftheyounglady'sstory,andnightbeingcome,besoughthertoacceptofaplaceinherownbed,inordertohaveallthetalkto
themselves.For,methought,twoyoungniecesofher'shadbrokeninuponthem,inthemiddleofthedismaltale.
Accordingly,goingearlytobed,andthesadstorybeingresumed,withasgreatearnestnessononesideasattentionontheother,beforetheyoungladyhadgonefarinit,motherH.methoughtwastakenwithafitofthecolic;andhertorturesincreasing,wasobligedtorisetogetacordialsheusedtofindspecificinthisdisorder,towhichshewasunhappilysubject.
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Havingthusrisen,andstepttohercloset,methoughtsheletfallthewaxtaperinherreturn;andthen[Ometamorphosisstillstrangerthantheformer!whatunaccountablethingsaredreams!]comingtobedagaininthedark,theyounglady,toherinfiniteastonishment,grief,andsurprise,foundmotherH.turnedintoayoungpersonoftheothersex;andalthoughLovelacewastheabhorredofhersoul,yet,fearingitwassomeotherperson,itwasmatterofconsolationtoher,whenshefounditwasnootherthanhimself,andthatshehadbeenstillthebed-fellowofbutoneandthesameman.
Astrangepromiscuoushuddleofadventuresfollowed,scenesperpetuallyshifting;nownothingheardfromthelady,butsighs,groans,exclamations,faintings,dyings--Fromthegentleman,butvows,promises,protestations,disclaimersofpurposespursued,andallthegentleandungentlepressuresofthelover'swarfare.
Then,asquickasthought(fordreams,thouknowestconfinenotthemselvestotherulesofthedrama)ensuedrecoveries,lyings-in,christenings,thesmilingboy,amply,eveninherownopinion,rewardingthesufferingmother.
Thenthegrandfather'sestateyieldedup,possessiontakenofit:livingveryhappilyuponit:herbelovedNortonhercompanion;MissHowehervisiter;and(admirable!thriceadmirable!)enabledtocomparenoteswith
her;acharminggirl,bythesamefather,toherfriend'scharmingboy;who,astheygrowup,inordertoconsolidatetheirmamma'sfriendships,(forneitherhavedreamsregardtoconsanguinity,)intermarry;changenamesbyactofparliament,toenjoymyestate--andIknownotwhatofthelikeincongruousstuff.
Iawoke,asthoumayestbelieve,ingreatdisorder,andrejoicedtofindmycharmerinthenextroom,andDorcashonest.
Nowthouwiltsaythiswasaveryodddream.Andyet,(forIamastrangedreamer,)itisnotaltogetherimprobablethatsomethinglikeitmayhappen;astheprettysimpletonhastheweaknesstoconfideinDorcas,whomtillnowshedisliked.
ButIforgottotelltheeonepartofmydream;andthatwas,that,thenextmorning,theladygavewaytosuchtransportsofgriefandresentment,thatshewaswithdifficultydivertedfrommakinganattemptuponherownlife.But,however,atlastwasprevailedupontoresolvetolive,andmakethebestofthematter:aletter,methought,fromCaptainTomlinsonhelpingtopacifyher,writtentoapprizeme,thatheruncleHarlowewouldcertainlybeatKentish-townonWednesdaynight,June28,thefollowingday(the29th)beinghisbirth-day;andbedoublydesirous,onthataccount,thatournuptialsshouldbethenprivatelysolemnizedinhispresence.
ButisThursday,the29th,heruncle'sanniversary,methinksthouaskest?
--Itis;orelsethedayofcelebrationshouldhavebeenearlierstill.ThreeweeksagoIheardhersayitwas:andIhavedownthebirthdayofeveryoneinthefamily,andthewedding-dayofherfatherandmother.Theminutestcircumstancesareoftenofgreatserviceinmattersofthelastimportance.
Andwhatsayestthounowtomydream?
Whosaysthat,sleepingandwaking,Ihavenotfinehelpsfromsomebody,somespiritrather,asthou'ltbeapttosay?Butnowonderthata
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Beelzebubhashisdevilkinstoattendhiscall.
IcanhavenomannerofdoubtofsucceedinginmotherH.'spartofthescheme;forwillthelady(whoresolvestothrowherselfintothefirsthouseshecanenter,ortobespeaktheprotectionofthefirstpersonshemeets,andwhothinkstherecanbenodangeroutofthishouse,equaltowhatsheapprehendsfrommeinit)scrupletoacceptofthechariotofadowager,accidentallyoffered?andthelady'sprotectionengagedbyherfaithfulDorcas,sohighlybribedtopromoteherescape?--AndthenMrs.H.hastheairandappearanceofavenerablematron,andisnotsuchaforbiddingdevilasMrs.Sinclair.
Theprettysimpletonknowsnothingintheworld;northatpeoplewhohavemoneyneverwantassistantsintheirviews,betheywhattheywill.Howelsecouldtheprincesoftheearthbesoimplicitlyservedastheyare,changetheyhandseverysooften,andbetheirpurposeseversowicked.
IfIcanbutgethertogoonwithmetillWednesdaynextweek,weshallbesettledtogetherprettyquietlybythattime.Andindeedifshehasanygratitude,andhasinhertheleastofhersex'sfoibles,shemustthinkIdeserveherfavour,bythepainsshehascostme.Fordearlydotheyalllovethatmenshouldtakepainsaboutthemandforthem.
Andhere,forthepresent,Iwilllaydownmypen,andcongratulate
myselfuponmyhappyinvention(sinceherobstinacyputsmeoncemoreuponexercisingit.)--Butwiththisresolution,Ithink,that,ifthepresentcontrivancefailme,Iwillexertallthefacultiesofmymind,allmytalents,toprocureformyselfaregalrighttoherfavourandthatindefianceofallmyantipathiestothemarriedstate;andofthesuggestionsofthegreatdeviloutofthehouse,andofhissecretagentsinit.--Since,ifnowsheisnottobeprevailedupon,ordrawnin,itwillbeinvaintoattemptherfurther.
LETTERXXVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAYNIGHT,JUNE20.
Noadmittanceyettomycharmer!sheisveryill--inaviolentfever,Dorcasthinks.Yetwillhavenoadvice.
DorcastellsherhowmuchIamconcernedatit.
Butagainletmeask,Doesthisladydorighttomakeherselfill,whensheisnotill?Formyownpart,libertineaspeoplethinkme,whenIhadoccasiontobesick,Itookadoseofipecacuanha,thatImightnotbeguiltyofafalsehood;andmostheartilysickwasI;asshe,who
thenpitiedme,fullwellknew.Butheretopretendtobeveryill,onlytogetanopportunitytorunaway,inordertoavoidforgivingamanwhohasoffendedher,howunchristian!--Ifgoodfolksallowthemselvesinthesebreachesofaknownduty,andinthesepresumptuouscontrivancestodeceive,who,Belford,shallblameus?
Ihaveastrangenotionthatthematronlyladywillbecertainlyatthegrocer'sshopatthehourofninetomorrowmorning:forDorcasheardmetellMrs.Sinclair,thatIshouldgooutateightprecisely;andthensheistotryforacoach:andifthedowager'schariotshouldhappen
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tobethere,howluckywillitbeformycharmer!howstrangelywillmydreambemadeout!
***
IhavejustreceivedaletterfromCaptainTomlinson.Isitnotwonderful?forthatwaspartofmydream.
Ishallalwayshaveaprodigiousregardtodreamshenceforward.IknownotbutImaywriteabookuponthatsubject;formyownexperiencewillfurnishoutagreatpartofit.'GlanvilleofWitches,''Baxter'sHistoryofSpiritsandApparitions,'andthe'RoyalPedant'sDemonology,'willbenothingatalltoLovelace'sReveries.
TheletterisjustwhatIdreamedittobe.IamonlyconcernedthatuncleJohn'sanniversarydidnothappenthreeorfourdayssooner;forshouldanynewmisfortunebefalmycharmer,shemaynotbeabletosupportherspiritssolongastillThursdayinthenextweek.Yetitwillgivemethemoretimefornewexpedients,shouldmypresentcontrivancefail;whichIcannothoweversuppose.
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.MONDAY,JUNE19.
DearSir,
Icannowreturnyourjoy,forthejoyyouhavegivenme,aswellasmydearfriendMr.Harlowe,inthenewsofhisbelovedniece'shappyrecovery;forheisdeterminedtocomplywithherwishesandyour's,andtogivehertoyouwithhisownhand.
Astheceremonyhasbeennecessarilydelayedbyreasonofherillness,andasMr.Harlowe'sbirth-dayisonThursdaythe29thofthisinstantJune,whenheentersintotheseventy-fourthyearofhisage;andas
timemaybewantedtocompletethedearlady'srecovery;heisverydesirousthatthemarriageshallbesolemnizeduponit;thathemayafterwardshavedoublejoyonthatdaytotheendofhislife.
Forthispurposeheintendstosetoutprivately,soastobeatKentish-townonWednesdayse'nnightintheevening.
Allthefamilyused,hesays,tomeettocelebrateitwithhim;butastheyareatpresentintoounhappyasituationforthat,hewillgiveout,that,notbeingabletobearthedayathome,hehasresolvedtobeabsentfortwoorthreedays.
Hewillsetoutonhorseback,attendedonlywithonetrustyservant,
forthegreaterprivacy.Hewillbeatthemostcreditable-lookingpublichousethere,expectingyoubothnextmorning,ifhehearnothingfrommetopreventhim.Andhewillgototownwithyouaftertheceremonyisperformed,inthecoachhesupposesyouwillcomein.
HeisverydesirousthatIshouldbepresentontheoccasion.ButthisIhavepromisedhim,athisrequest,thatIwillbeupbeforetheday,inordertoseethesettlementsexecuted,andeverythingproperlyprepared.
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Heisverygladyouhavethelicenseready.
Hespeaksverykindlyofyou,Mr.Lovelace;andsays,that,ifanyofthefamilystandoutafterhehasseentheceremonyperformed,hewillseparatefromthem,andunitehimselftohisdearnieceandherinterests.
Iownedtoyou,whenintownlast,thatItookslightnoticetomydearfriendofthemisunderstandingbetweenyouandhisniece;andthatIdidthis,forfeartheladyshouldhaveshownanylittlediscontentinhispresence,hadIbeenabletoprevailuponhimtogoupinperson,asthenwasdoubtful.ButIhopenothingofthatdiscontentremainsnow.
Myabsence,whenyourmessengercame,mustexcusemefornotwritingbyhim.
Bepleasedtomakemymostrespectfulcomplimentsacceptabletotheadmirablelady,andbelievemetobe
Yourmostfaithfulandobedientservant,ANTONYTOMLINSON.
***
ThisletterIsealed,andbrokeopen.Itwasbrought,thoumayestsuppose,byaparticularmessenger;thesealsuchaoneasthewriterneedbeashamedof.ItookcaretoinquireaftertheCaptain'shealth,inmybeloved'shearing;anditisnowreadytobeproducedasapacifier,accordingassheshalltakeonorresent,ifthetwometamorphoseshappenpursuanttomywonderfuldream;as,havinggreatfaithindreams,Idaresaytheywill.--Ithinkitwillnotbeamiss,inchangingmyclothes,tohavethisletteroftheworthyCaptainlieinmybeloved'sway.
LETTERXXVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.WEDN.NOON,JUNE21.
WhatshallIsaynow!--I,whobutafewhoursagohadsuchfaithindreams,andhadproposedoutofhandtobeginmytreatiseofdreamssleepinganddreamswaking,andwaspleasingmyselfwiththedialoguesbetweentheoldmatronalladyandtheyounglady,andwiththemetamorphoses,(absolutelyassuredthateverythingwouldhappenasmy
dreamchalkeditout,)shallnevermoredependuponthoseflyingfollies,thoseillusionsofafancydepraved,andrunmad.
Thusconfoundedlyhavemattershappened.
Iwentoutateighto'clockinhighgoodhumourwithmyself,inordertogivethesought-foropportunitytotheplottingmistressandcorruptedmaid;onlyorderingWill.tokeepagoodlook-outforfearhisladyshouldmistrustmyplot,ormistakeahackney-coachforthedowager-lady'schariot.ButfirstIsenttoknowhowshedid;and
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receivingforanswer,Veryill:hadaverybadnight:whichlatterwasbuttooprobable;sincethisIknow,thatpeoplewhohaveplotsintheirheadsasseldomhaveasdeservegoodones.
Idesiredaphysicianmightbecalledin;butwasrefused.
ItookawalkinSt.James'sPark,congratulatingmyselfallthewayonmyrareinventions:then,impatient,Itookcoach,withoneofthewindowsquiteup,theotheralmostup,playingatbo-peepineverychariotIsawpassinmywaytoLincoln's-inn-fields:andwhenarrivedthereIsentthecoachmantodesireanyoneofMotherH.'sfamilytocometometothecoach-side,notdoubtingbutIshouldhaveintelligenceofmyfairfugitivethere;itbeingthenhalfanhourafterten.
Aservantcame,whogavemetounderstandthatthematronlyladywasjustreturnedbyherselfinthechariot.
Frightedoutofmywits,Ialighted,andheardfromthemother'sownmouth,thatDorcashadengagedhertoprotectthelady;butcametotellherafterwards,thatshehadchangedhermind,andwouldnotquitthehouse.
Quiteastonished,notknowingwhatmighthavehappened,Iorderedthe
coachmantolashawaytoourmother's.Arrivinghereinaninstant,thefirstwordIasked,was,Iftheladywassafe?
[Mr.LovelaceheregivesaverycircumstantialrelationofallthatpassedbetweentheLadyandDorcas.Butashecouldonlyguessathermotivesforrefusingtogooff,whenDorcastoldherthatshehadengagedforhertheprotectionofthedowager-lady,itisthoughtpropertoomitthisrelation,andtosupplyitbysomememorandaoftheLady's.Butitisfirstnecessarytoaccountfortheoccasiononwhichthosememorandaweremade.
Thereadermayremember,thatintheletterwrittentoMissHowe,onherescapetoHampstead,*shepromisestogivehertheparticularsofherflightatleisure.ShehadindeedthoughtsofcontinuingheraccountofeverythingthathadpassedbetweenherandMr.Lovelacesinceherlastnarrativeletter.Buttheuncertaintyshewasinfromthattime,withtheexecrabletreatmentshemetwithonherbeingdeludedbackagain,followedbyaweek'sdelirium,hadhithertohinderedherfromprosecutingherintention.But,nevertheless,havingitstillinherviewtoperformherpromiseassoonasshehadopportunity,shemademinutesofeverythingasitpassed,inordertohelphermemory:--'Which,'assheobservesinoneplace,'shecouldlesstrusttosinceherlatedisordersthanbefore.'Intheseminutes,orbookofmemoranda,sheobserves,'Thathaving
apprehensionsthatDorcasmightbeatraitress,shewouldhavegotawaywhileshewasgoneouttoseeforacoach;andactuallysliddownstairswiththatintent.Butthat,seeingMrs.Sinclairintheentry,(whomDorcashadplantedtherewhileshewentout,)shespeededupagainunseen.'
*SeeVol.V.LetterXXI.
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Shethenwentuptothedining-room,andsawtheletterofCaptainTomlinson:onwhichsheobservesinhermemorandum-bookasfollows:]
'HowamIpuzzlednow!--Hemightleavethisletteronpurpose:noneoftheotherpapersleftwithitbeingofanyconsequence:Whatisthealternative?--Tostay,andbethewifeofthevilestofmen--howmyheartresiststhat!--Toattempttogetoff,andfail,ruininevitable!--Dorcasmaybetrayme!--Idoubtsheisstillhisimplement!--Athisgoingout,hewhisperedher,asIsaw,unobserved--inaveryfamiliarmannertoo--Neverfear,Sir,withacourtesy.
'Inheragreeingtoconniveatmyescape,sheprovidednotforherownsafety,ifIgotaway:yethadreason,inthatcase,toexpecthisvengeance.Andwantsnotforethought.--Tohavetakenherwithme,wastobeinthepowerofherintelligence,ifafaithlesscreature.--Letme,however,thoughIpartnotwithmycaution,keepmycharity!--Cantherebeanywomansoviletoawoman?--Oyes!--Mrs.Sinclair:heraunt.--TheLorddeliverme!--But,alas!--Ihaveputmyselfoutofthecourseofhisprotectionbythenaturalmeans--andamalreadyruined!Afather'scurselikewiseagainstme!Havingmadevainallmyfriends'cautionsandsolicitudes,Imustnothopeformiraclesinmyfavour!
'IfIdoescape,whatmaybecomeofme,apoor,helpless,desertedcreature!--Helplessfromsex!--fromcircumstances!--Exposedtoevery
danger!--Lordprotectme!'Hisvilemannotgonewithhim!--Lurkinghereabouts,nodoubt,towatchmysteps!--Iwillnotgoawaybythechariot,however.----
'Thatthechariotshouldcomesoopportunely!Solikehismanyopportunities!--ThatDorcasshouldhavethesuddenthought!--Shouldhavethecouragewiththethought,toaddressaladyinbehalfofanabsolutestrangertothatlady!Thattheladyshouldsoreadilyconsent!Yetthetransactionbetweenthemtotakeupsomuchtime,theirdistanceindegreeconsidered:for,arduousasthecasewas,andpreciousasthetime,Dorcaswasgoneabovehalfanhour!Yetthechariotwassaidtobereadyatagrocer'snotmanydoorsoff!
'Indeedsomeelderlyladiesaretalkative:andthereare,nodoubt,somegoodpeopleintheworld.----
'Butthatitshouldchancetobeawidowlady,whocoulddowhatshepleased!ThatDorcasshouldknowhertobesobythelozenge!Personsinherstationarenotusuallysoknowing,Ibelieve,inheraldry.
'Yetsomemay!forservantsarefondofderivingcollateralhonoursanddistinctions,asImaycallthem,fromthequality,orpeopleofrank,whomtheyserve.Butthisslyservantnotgonewithhim!ThenthisletterofTomlinson!----
'AlthoughIamresolvednevertohavethiswretch,yet,mayInotthrowmyselfintomyuncle'sprotectionatKentish-town,orHighgate,ifIcannotescapebefore:andsogetclearofhim?MaynottheevilIknowbelessthanwhatImayfallinto,ifIcanavoidfarthervillany?Farthervillanyhehasnotyetthreatened;freelyandjustlyasIhavetreatedhim!--Iwillnotgo,Ithink.Atleast,unlessIcansendthisfellowaway.*----
*Shetriedtodothis;butwaspreventedbythefellow'spretendingto
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puthisankleout,byaslipdownstairs--Atrick,sayshiscontrivingmaster,inhisomittedrelation,Ihadtaughthim,onalikeoccasion,atAmiens.
'Thefellowavillain!Thewench,Idoubt,avilewench.Atlastconcernedforherownsafety.Playsoffandonaboutacoach.
'Allmyhopesofgettingoffatpresentover!--Unhappycreature!towhatfartherevilsartthoureserved!Oh!howmyheartrisesatthenecessityImuststillbeundertoseeandconversewithsoveryvileaman!'
LETTERXXIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.WEDNESDAYAFTERNOON.
Disappointedinhermeditatedescape;obliged,againstherwill,tomeetmeinthedining-room;andperhapsapprehensiveofbeingupbraidedforherartinfeigningherselfill;Iexpectedthatthedearperversewouldbeginwithmewithspiritandindignation.ButIwasinhopes,
fromthegentlenessofhernaturaldisposition;fromtheconsiderationwhichIexpectedfromheronhersituation;fromthecontentsoftheletterofCaptainTomlinson,whichDorcastoldmeshehadseen;andfromthetimeshehadhadtocoolandreflectsinceshelastadmittedmetoherpresence,thatshewouldnothavecarrieditsostronglythroughasshedid.
AsIenteredthedining-room,Icongratulatedherandmyselfuponhersuddenrecovery.Andwouldhavetakenherhand,withanairofrespectfultenderness;butshewasresolvedtobeginwheresheleftoff.
Sheturnedfromme,drawinginherhand,witharepulsingandindignant
aspect--Imeetyouoncemore,saidshe,becauseIcannothelpit.Whathaveyoutosaytome?WhyamItobethusdetainedagainstmywill?
Withtheutmostsolemnityofspeechandbehaviour,Iurgedtheceremony.IsawIhadnothingelseforit.IhadaletterinmypocketIsaid,[feelingforit,althoughIhadnottakenitfromthetablewhereIleftitinthesameroom,]thecontentsofwhich,ifattendedto,wouldmakeusbothhappy.Ihadbeenlothtoshowittoherbefore,becauseIhopedtoprevailuponhertobeminesoonerthanthedaymentionedinit.
Ifeltforitinallmypockets,watchinghereyemeantime,whichIsawglancetowardsthetablewhereitlay.
IwasuneasythatIcouldnotfindit--atlast,directedagainbyherslyeye,Ispieditonthetableatthefartherendoftheroom.
WithjoyIfetchedit.Bepleasedtoreadthatletter,Madam;withanairofsatisfiedassurance.
Shetookit,andcasthereyeoverit,insuchacarelessway,asmadeitevident,thatshehadreaditbefore:andthenunthankfullytosseditintothewindow-seatbeforeher.
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Iurgedhertoblessmeto-morrow,orFridaymorning;atleast,thatshewouldnotrendervainheruncle'sjourney,andkindendeavourstobringaboutareconciliationamongusall.
Amongusall!repeatedshe,withanairequallydisdainfulandincredulous.OLovelace,thouartsurelynearlyalliedtothegranddeceiver,inthyendeavourtosuittemptationstoinclinations?--Butwhathonour,whatfaith,whatveracity,wereitpossiblethatIcouldenterintoparleywiththeeonthissubject,(whichitisnot,)mayIexpectfromsuchamanasthouhastshownthyselftobe?
Iwastouchedtothequick.Aladyofyourperfectcharacter,Madam,whohasfeignedherselfsick,onpurposetoavoidseeingthemanwhoadoredher,shouldnot--
Iknowwhatthouwouldstsay,interruptedshe--Twentyandtwentylowthings,thatmysoulwouldhavebeenabovebeingguiltyof,andwhichIhavedespisedmyselffor,haveIbeenbroughtintobytheinfectionofthycompany,andbythenecessitythouhadstlaidmeunder,ofappearingmean.But,IthankGod,destituteasIam,thatIamnot,however,sunksolow,astowishtobethine.
I,Madam,astheinjurer,oughttohavepatience.Itisfortheinjuredtoreproach.Butyouruncleisnotinaplotagainstyou,itistobe
hoped.Therearecircumstancesintheletteryoucastyoureyesover----Againsheinterruptedme,Why,oncemoreIaskyou,amIdetainedinthishouse?--DoInotseemyselfsurroundedbywretches,who,thoughtheywearthehabitofmysex,mayyet,asfarasIknow,lieinwaitformyperdition?
Shewouldbeveryloth,Isaid,thatMrs.Sinclairandherniecesshouldbecalleduptovindicatethemselvesandtheirhouse.
Wouldbuttheykillme,letthemcome,andwelcome,Iwillblessthehandthatwillstriketheblow!IndeedIwill.
'Tisidle,veryidle,totalkofdying.Mereyoung-ladytalk,whencontrouledbythosetheyhate.Butletmebeseechyou,dearestcreature----
Beseechmenothing.Letmenotbedetainedthusagainstmywill!--UnhappycreaturethatIam,saidshe,inakindofphrensy,wringingherhandsatthesametime,andturningfromme,hereyesliftedup!'Thycurse,Omycruelfather,seemstobenowintheheightofitsoperation!--Myweakenedmindisfullofforebodings,thatIaminthewayofbeingalostcreatureastobothworlds!Blessed,blessedGod,saidshe,fallingonherknees,saveme,Osaveme,frommyselfandfromthisman!'
Isunkdownonmykneesbyher,excessivelyaffecting--OthatIcould
recallyesterday!--Forgiveme,mydearestcreature,forgivewhatispast,asitcannotnow,butbyoneway,beretrieved.Forgivemeonlyonthiscondition--Thatmyfuturefaithandhonour--
Sheinterruptedme,rising--Ifyoumeantobegofmenevertoseektoavengemyselfbylaw,orbyanappealtomyrelations,tomycousinMordeninparticular,whenhecomestoEngland----
D--nthelaw,risingalso,[shestarted,]andallthosetowhomyoutalkofappealing!--Idefyboththeoneandtheother--AllIbegisYOUR
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forgiveness;andthatyouwill,onmyunfeignedcontrition,re-establishmeinyourfavour----
Ono,no,no!liftingupherclaspedhands,Ineverneverwill,never,nevercanforgiveyou!--anditisapunishmentworsethandeathtome,thatIamobligedtomeetyou,ortoseeyou.
Thisisthelasttime,mydearestlife,thatyouwilleverseemeinthisposture,onthisoccasion:andagainIkneeledtoher.Letmehope,thatyouwillbeminenextThursday,youruncle'sbirth-day,ifnotbefore.WouldtoHeavenIhadneverbeenavillain!Yourindignationisnot,cannotbegreater,thanmyremorse--andItookholdofhergownforshewasgoingfromme.
Beremorsethyportion!--Forthineownsake,beremorsethyportion!--Inever,neverwillforgivethee!--Inever,neverwillbethine!--Letmeretire!--Whykneelestthoutothewretchwhomthouhastsovilelyhumbled?
Saybut,dearestcreature,youwillconsider--saybutyouwilltaketimetoreflectuponwhatthehonourofbothourfamiliesrequiresofyou.Iwillnotrise.Iwillnotpermityoutowithdraw[stillholdinghergown]tillyoutellmeyouwillconsider.--Takethisletter.Weighwellyoursituation,andmine.Sayyouwillwithdrawtoconsider;andthenIwillnotpresumetowithold[sic]you.
Compulsionshalldonothingwithme.Thoughaslave,aprisoner,incircumstance,Iamnoslaveinmywill!--NothingwillIpromisethee!--Withheld,compelled--nothingwillIpromisethee!
Noblecreature!butnotimplacable,Ihope!--Promisemebuttoreturninanhour!
NothingwillIpromisethee!
Saybutthatyouwillseemeagainthisevening!
OthatIcouldsay--thatitwereinmypowertosay--Ineverwillsee
theemore!--WouldtoHeavenIneverweretoseetheemore!
Passionatebeauty!--stillholdingher--
Ispeak,thoughwithvehemence,thedeliberatewishofmyheart.--OthatIcouldavoidlookingdownuponthee,meangroveler,andabjectasinsulting--Letmewithdraw!Mysoulisintumults!Letwe[sic]withdraw!
Iquittedmyholdtoclaspmyhandstogether--Withdraw,Osovereignofmyfate!--Withdraw,ifyouwillwithdraw!Mydestinyisinyourpower!--Itdependsuponyourbreath!--Yourscornbutaugmentsmylove!Yourresentmentisbuttoowellfounded!--But,dearestcreature,return,
return,return,witharesolutiontoblesswithpardonandpeaceyourfaithfuladorer!
Sheflewfromme.Theangel,assoonasshefoundherwings,flewfromme.I,thereptilekneeler,thedespicableslave,nomoretheproudvictor,arose;and,retiring,triedtocomfortmyself,that,circumstancedassheis,destituteoffriendsandfortune;herunclemoreover,whoistoreconcileallsosoon,(asIthankmystarsshestillbelieves,)expected.
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Othatshewouldforgiveme!--Wouldshebutgenerouslyforgiveme,andreceivemyvowsatthealtar,attheinstantofherforgivingme,thatImightnothavetimetorelapseintomyoldprejudices!Bymysoul,Belford,thisdeargirlgivesthelietoallourrakishmaxims.Theremustbesomethingmorethananameinvirtue!--Inowseethatthereis!--Oncesubdued,alwayssubdued--'Tisanegregiousfalsehood!--But,OJack,sheneverwassubdued.WhathaveIobtainedbutanincreaseofshameandconfusion!--Whilehergloryhasbeenestablishedbyhersufferings!
Thisonemeritis,however,leftme,thatIhavelaidallhersexunderobligationtome,byputtingthisnoblecreaturetotrials,which,sogloriouslysupported,havedonehonourtothemall.
However--ButnomorewillIadd--Whataforcehaveevilhabits!--Iwilltakeanairing,andtrytoflyfrommyself!--Donotthouupbraidmeonmyweakfits--onmycontradictorypurposes--onmyirresolution--andallwillbewell.
LETTERXXX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.WEDNESDAYNIGHT.
AmanisjustnowarrivedfromM.Hall,whotellsme,thatmyLordisinaverydangerousway.Thegoutinhisstomachtoanextremedegree,occasionedbydrinkingagreatquantityoflemonade.
Amanof8000£.ayeartopreferhisappetitetohishealth!--Hedeservestodie!--Butwehaveallofusourinordinatepassionstogratify:andtheygenerallybringtheirpunishmentalongwiththem--sowitnessesthenephew,aswellastheuncle.
Thefellowwassentuponotherbusiness;butstretchedhisordersalittle,tomakehiscourttoasuccessor.
IamgladIwasnotatM.Hall,atthetimemyLordtookthegratefuldose:[itwascertainlygratefultohimatthetime:]therearepeopleintheworld,whowouldhavehadthewickednesstosay,thatIhadpersuadedhimtodrink.
Themansays,thathisLordshipwassobadwhenhecameaway,thatthefamilybegantotalkofsendingformeinposthaste.AsIknowtheoldpeerhasagooddealofcashbyhim,ofwhichheseldomkeepsaccount,itbehovesmetogodownassoonasIcan.ButwhatshallIdowiththisdearcreaturethewhile?--To-morrowover,Ishall,perhaps,beabletoanswermyownquestion.Iamafraidshewillmakemedesperate.
ForherehaveIsenttoimplorehercompany,andamdeniedwithscorn.
***
Ihavebeensohappyastoreceive,thismoment,athirdletterfromthedearcorrespondentMissHowe.Alittleseveredevil!--Itwouldhavebrokentheheartofmybeloved,haditfallenintoherhands.I
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willencloseacopyofit.Readithere.
TUESDAY,JUNE20.
MYDEARESTMISSHARLOWE,
AgainIventuretoyou,(almostagainstinclination;)andthatbyyourformerconveyance,littleasIlikeit.
Iknownothowitiswithyou.Itmaybebad;andthenitwouldbehardtoupbraidyou,forasilenceyoumaynotbeabletohelp.Butifnot,whatshallIsaysevereenough,thatyouhavenotansweredeitherofmylastletters?thefirst*ofwhich[andIthinkitimportedyoutoomuchtobesilentuponit]youownedthereceiptof.Theotherwhichwasdeliveredintoyourownhands,**wassopressingforthefavourofalinefromyou,thatIamamazedIcouldnotbeobliged;andstillmore,thatIhavenotheardfromyousince.
*SeeVol.V.LetterXX.**SeeVol.VI.LetterVII.
Thefellowmadesostrangeastoryoftheconditionhesawyouin,andofyourspeechtohim,thatIknownotwhattoconcludefromit:only,thatheisasimple,blundering,andyetconceitedfellow,who,aimingatdescription,andtherusticwonderful,givesanairofbumkinlyromancetoallhetells.Thatthisishischaracter,youwillbelieve,whenyouareinformedthathedescribedyouingriefexcessive,*yetsoimprovedinyourpersonandfeatures,andsorosy,thatwashisword,inyourface,andsoflush-coloured,andsoplumpinyourarms,thatonewouldconcludeyouwerelabouringundertheoperationofsomemalignantpoison;andsomuchtherather,ashewasintroducedtoyou,whenyouwereuponacouch,fromwhichyouofferednottorise,orsitup.
*SeeVol.VI.LetterVI.
Uponmyword,MissHarlowe,Iamgreatlydistresseduponyouraccount;forImustbesofreeastosay,thatinyourreadyreturnwithyourdeceiver,youhavenotatallansweredmyexpectations,noracteduptoyourowncharacter;forMrs.Townsendtellsme,fromthewomenatHampstead,howcheerfullyyouputyourselfintohishandsagain:yet,atthetime,itwasimpossibleyoushouldbemarried!--
Lord,mydear,whatpityitis,thatyoutookmuchpainstogetfromtheman!--Butyouknowbest!--SometimesIthinkitcouldnotbeyouto
whomtherusticdeliveredmyletter.Butitmusttoo:yet,itisstrangeIcouldnothaveonelinebyhim:--notone:--andyousosoonwellenoughtogowiththewretchbackagain!
IamnotsurethattheletterIamnowwritingwillcometoyourhands:soshallnotsayhalfthatIhaveuponmymindtosay.But,ifyouthinkitworthyourwhiletowritetome,prayletmeknowwhatfineladieshisrelationsthosewerewhovisitedyouatHampstead,andcarriedyoubackagainsojoyfullytoaplacethatIhadsofullywarnedyou.--ButIwillsaynomore:atleasttillIknowmore:forIcandonothing
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butwonderandstandamazed.
Notwithstandingalltheman'sbaseness,'tisplaintherewasmorethanalurkinglove--GoodHeaven!--ButIhavedone!--YetIknownothowtohavedoneneither!--YetImust--Iwill.
Onlyaccounttome,mydear,forwhatIcannotatallaccountfor:andinformme,whetheryouarereallymarried,ornot.--AndthenIshallknowwhethertheremustormustnot,beaperiodshorterthanthatofoneofourlives,toafriendshipwhichhashithertobeentheprideandboastof
YourANNAHOWE.
***
Dorcastellsme,thatshehasjustnowhadasearchingconversation,asshecallsit,withherlady.Sheiswilling,shetellsthewench,stilltoplaceherconfidenceinher.Dorcashopesshehasre-assuredher:butwishesmenottodependuponit.YetCaptainTomlinson'slettermustassuredlyweighwithher.
IsentitinjustnowbyDorcas,desiringhertore-peruseit.Anditwasnotreturnedme,asIfeareditwouldbe.Andthat'sagoodsign,Ithink.
IsayIthink,andIthink;forthischarmingcreature,entangledasIaminmyowninventions,puzzlesmetenthousandtimesmorethanIher.
LETTERXXXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
THURSDAYNOON,JUNE22.
LetmeperishifIknowwhattomakeeitherofmyselforofthissurprisingcreature--nowcalm,nowtempestuous.--ButIknowthoulovestnotanticipationanymorethanI.
Atmyrepeatedrequests,shemetmeatsixthismorning.
Shewasreadydressed;forshehadnotherclothesoffeverysinceshedeclared,thattheynevermoreshouldbeoffinthishouse.Andcharminglyshelooked,withallthedisadvantagesofathree-hoursviolentstomach-ache--(forDorcastoldmethatshehadbeenreallyill)--
norest,andeyesredandswelledwithweeping.Strangetomethatthosecharmingfountainshavenotbeensolongagoexhausted!Butsheisawoman.AndIbelieveanatomistsallow,thatwomenhavemorewatryheadsthanmen.
Well,mydearestcreature,IhopeyouhavenowthoroughlyconsideredofthecontentsofCaptainTomlinson'sletter.Butaswearethusearlymet,letmebeseechyoutomakethismyhappyday.
Shelookednotfavourablyuponme.Acloudhunguponherbrowather
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entrance:butasshewasgoingtoanswerme,astillgreatersolemnitytookpossessionofhercharmingfeatures.
Yourair,andyourcountenance,mybelovedcreature,arenotpropitioustome.Letmebegofyou,beforeyouspeak,toforbearallfurtherrecriminations:foralreadyIhavesuchasenseofmyvilenesstoyou,thatIknownothowtobearthereproachesofmyownmind.
Ihavebeenendeavouring,saidshe,sinceIamnotpermittedtoavoidyou,toobtainacomposurewhichInevermoreexpectedtoseeyouin.HowlongImayenjoyit,Icannottell.ButIhopeIshallbeenabledtospeaktoyouwithoutthatvehemencewhichIexpressedyesterday,andcouldnothelpit.*
*TheLady,inherminutes,says,'IfearDorcasisafalseone.MayInotbeabletoprevailuponhimtoleavemeatmyliberty?Bettertotrythantotrusttoher.IfIcannotprevail,butmustmeethimandmyuncle,IhopeIshallhavefortitudeenoughtorenouncehimthen.ButIwouldfainavoidqualifyingwiththewretch,ortogivehimanexpectationwhichIintendnottoanswer.IfIammistressofmyownresolutions,myunclehimselfshallnotprevailwithmetobindmysoulincovenantwithsovileaman.'
Afterapause(forIwasallattention)thussheproceeded:
Itiseasyforme,Mr.Lovelace,toseethatfurtherviolencesareintendedme,ifIcomplynotwithyourpurposes,whatevertheyare,Iwillsupposethemtobewhatyousolemnlyprofesstheyare.ButIhavetoldyouassolemnlymymind,thatIneverwill,thatInevercanbeyour's;nor,ifso,anyman'suponearth.Allvengeance,nevertheless,forthewrongsyouhavedoneme,Idisclaim.Iwantbuttoslideintosomeobscurecorner,tohidemyselffromyouandfromeveryonewhooncelovedme.Thedesirelatelysonearmyheart,ofareconciliationwithmyfriends,ismuchabated.Theyshallnotreceivemenow,iftheywould.Sunkinmineowneyes,Inowthinkmyselfunworthyoftheir
favour.Intheanguishofmysoul,therefore,Iconjureyou,Lovelace,[tearsinhereyes,]toleavemetomyfate.Indoingso,youwillgivemeapleasurethehighestInowcanknow.
Where,mydearestlife----
Nomatterwhere.IwillleavetoProvidence,whenIamoutofthishouse,thedirectionofmyfuturesteps.Iamsensibleenoughofmydestitutecondition.IknowthatIhavenotnowafriendintheworld.EvenMissHowehasgivenmeup--oryouare--ButIwouldfainkeepmytemper!--ByyourmeansIhavelostthemall--andyouhavebeenabarbarousenemytome.Youknowyouhave.
Shepaused.
Icouldnotspeak.
TheevilsIhavesuffered,proceededshe,[turningfromme,]howeverirreparable,arebuttemporarilyevils.LeavemetomyhopesofbeingenabledtoobtaintheDivineforgivenessfortheoffenceIhavebeendrawnintogivetomyparentsandtovirtue;thatsoImayavoidtheevilsthataremorethantemporary.ThisisnowallIhavetowishfor.AndwhatisitthatIdemand,thatIhavenotarightto,and
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fromwhichitisanillegalviolencetowithholdme?
Itwasimpossibleforme,Itoldherplainly,tocomply.
Ibesoughthertogivemeherhandasthisveryday.Icouldnotlivewithouther.IcommunicatedtohermyLord'sillness,asareasonwhyIwishednottostayforheruncle'sanniversary.Ibesoughthertoblessmewithherconsent;and,aftertheceremonywaspassed,toaccompanymedowntoBerks.Andthus,mydearestlife,saidI,willyoubefreedfromahouse,towhichyouhaveconceivedsogreatanantipathy.
This,thouwiltown,wasaprincelyoffer.AndIwasresolvedtobeasgoodasmyword.IthoughtIhadkilledmyconscience,asItoldthee,Belford,sometimeago.Butconscience,Ifind,thoughitmaybetemporarilystifled,cannotdie,and,whenitdarenotspeakaloud,willwhisper.AndatthisinstantIthoughtIfelttherevivedvarletess(onbutaslightretrogrademotion)writhingroundmypericardiumlikeaserpent;andintheactionofadyingone,(collectingallitsforceintoitshead,)fixitsplaguyfangsintomyheart.
Shehesitated,andlookeddown,asifirresolute.Andthissetmyheartupatmymouth.And,believeme,Ihadinstantlypoptinuponme,inimagination,anoldspectacledparson,withawhitesurplice
thrownoverablackhabit,[afitemblemofthehalcyonoffice,which,underabenignappearance,oftenintroducedalifeofstormsandtempests,]whiningandsnufflingthroughhisnosetheirrevocableceremony.
Ihopenow,mydearestlife,saidI,snatchingherhand,andpressingittomylips,thatyoursilencebodesmegood.Letme,mybelovedcreature,havebutyourtacitconsent;andthismomentIwillstepoutandengageaminister.AndthenIpromisedhowmuchmywholefuturelifeshouldbedevotedtohercommands,andthatIwouldmakeherthebestandtenderestofhusbands.
Atlast,turningtome,Ihavetoldyoumymind,Mr.Lovelace,saidshe.
Thinkyou,thatIcouldthussolemnly--Thereshestopt--Iamtoomuchinyourpower,proceededshe;yourprisoner,ratherthanapersonfreetochooseformyself,ortosaywhatIwilldoorbe.Butasatestimonythatyoumeanmewell,letmeinstantlyquitthishouse;andIwillthengiveyousuchananswerinwriting,asbestbefitsmyunhappycircumstances.
Andimaginestthou,fairest,thoughtI,thatthiswillgodownwithaLovelace?Thououghtesttohaveknownthatfree-livers,likeministersofstate,neverpartwithapowerputintotheirhands,withoutanequivalentoftwicethevalue.
Ipleaded,thatifwejoinedhandsthismorning,(ifnot,to-morrow;if
not,onThursday,heruncle'sbirth-day,andinhispresence);andafterwards,asIhadproposed,setoutforBerks;weshould,ofcourse,quitthishouse;and,onourreturntotown,shouldhaveinreadinessthehouseIwasintreatyfor.
Sheansweredmenot,butwithtearsandsighs;fondofbelievingwhatIhopedIimputedhersilencetothemodestyofhersex.Thedearcreature,(thoughtI,)solemnlyasshebeganwithme,isruminating,inasweetsuspence,howtoputintofitwordsthegentlepurposesofhercondescendingheart.But,lookinginheravertedfacewithasoothing
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gentleness,Iplainlyperceived,thatitwasresentment,andnotbashfulness,thatwasstrugglinginherbosom.*
*TheLady,inherminutes,ownsthedifficultyshelayundertokeephertemperinthisconference.'ButwhenIfound,'saysshe,'thatallmyentreatieswereineffectual,andthathewasresolvedtodetainme,Icouldnolongerwithholdmyimpatience.'
Atlastshebrokesilence--Ihavenopatience,saidshe,tofindmyselfaslave,aprisoner,inavilehouse--Tellme,Sir,insomanywordstellme,whetheritbe,orbenot,yourintentiontopermitmetoquitit?--TopermitmethefreedomwhichismybirthrightasanEnglishsubject?
WillnottheconsequenceofyourdeparturehencebethatIshallloseyouforever,Madam?--AndcanIbearthethoughtsofthat?
Sheflungfromme--Mysouldisdainstoholdparleywiththee!wereherviolentwords.--ButIthrewmyselfatherfeet,andtookholdofherreluctanthand,andbegantoimprecate,avow,topromise--Butthusthepassionatebeauty,interruptingme,wenton:
Iamsickofthee,MAN!--Onecontinuedstringofvows,oaths,andprotestations,variedonlybytimeandplace,fillsthymouth!--Whydetainestthoume?Myheartrisesagainstthee,Othoucruelimplementofmybrother'scauselessvengeance.--AllIbegoftheeis,thatthouwiltremitmethefuturepartofmyfather'sdreadfulcurse!thetemporarypart,baseandungratefulasthouart!thouhastcompleted!
Iwasspeechless!--WellImight!--Herbrother'simplement!--JamesHarlowe'simplement!--Zounds,Jack!whatwordswerethese!
Iletgoherstrugglinghand.Shetooktwoorthreeturnscrosstheroom,herwholehaughtysoulinherair.Thenapproachingme,butinsilence,turningfromme,andagaintome,inamildervoice--Iseethy
confusion,Lovelace.Orisitthyremorse?--Ihavebutonerequesttomakethee--therequestsooftenrepeated--Thatthouwiltthismomentpermitmetoquitthishouse.Adieu,then,letmesay,foreveradieu!Andmayestthouenjoythathappinessinthisworld,whichthouhastrobbedmeof;asthouhastofeveryfriendIhaveinit!
Andsayingthis,awaysheflung,leavingmeinaconfusionsogreat,thatIknewnotwhattothink,say,ordo!
ButDorcassoonrousedme--Doyouknow,Sir,runninginhastily,thatmyladyisgonedownstairs!
No,sure!--AnddownIflew,andfoundheroncemoreatthestreet-door,
contendingwithPollyHortontogetout.
Sherushedbymeintotheforeparlour,andflewtothewindow,andattemptedoncemoretothrowupthesash--Goodpeople!goodpeople!criedshe.
Icaughtherinmyarms,andliftedherfromthewindow.Butbeingafraidofhurtingthecharmingcreature,(charminginherveryrage,)sheslidthroughmyarmsonthefloor.--Letmediehere!letmediehere!wereherwords;remainingjointlessandimmovable,tillSallyandMrs.
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Sinclairhurriedin.
Shewasvisiblyterrifiedatthesightoftheoldwretch;whileI(sincerelyaffected)appealed,Bearwitness,Mrs.Sinclair!--bearwitness,MissMartin!--MissHorton!--Everyonebearwitness,thatIoffernotviolencetothisbelovedcreature!
Shethenfoundherfeet--Ohouse[looktowardsthewindows,andallroundher,Ohouse,]contrivedonpurposeformyruin!saidshe--butletnotthatwomancomeintomypresence--notthatMissHortonneither,whowouldnothavedaredtocontroulme,hadshenotbeenabaseone!--
Hoh,Sir!Hoh,Madam!vociferatedtheolddragon,herarmedkemboed,andflourishingwithonefoottotheextentofherpetticoats--What'sadohereaboutnothing!Ineverknewsuchworkinmylife,betweenachickenofagentlemanandatigerofalady!--
Shewasvisiblyaffrighted:andupstairsshehastened.Abadwomaniscertainly,Jack,moreterribletoherownsexthanevenabadman.
Ifollowedherup.Sherushedbyherownapartmentintothedining-room:noterrorcanmakeherforgetherpunctilio.
Torecitewhatpassedthereofinvective,exclamations,threatenings,
evenofherownlife,ononeside;ofexpostulations,supplications,andsometimesmenaces,ontheother;wouldbetooaffecting;and,aftermyparticularityinlikescenes,thesethingsmayaswellbeimaginedasexpressed.
Iwillthereforeonlymention,that,atlength,Iextortedaconcessionfromher.Shehadreason*tothinkitwouldhavebeenworseforheronthespot,ifshehadnotmadeit.Itwas,ThatshewouldendeavourtomakeherselfeasytillshesawwhatnextThursday,heruncle'sbirth-day,wouldproduce.ButOh!thatitwerenotasin,shepassionatelyexclaimedonmakingthispoorconcession,toputandendtoherownlife,ratherthanyieldtogivemebutthatassurance!
*TheLadymentions,inhermemorandum-book,thatshehadnootherway,asisapprehended,tosaveherselffrominstantdishonour,butbymakingthisconcession.Heronlyhope,now,shesays,ifshecannotescapebyDorcas'sconnivance,(whom,neverthelessshesuspects,)istofindawaytoengagetheprotectionofheruncle,andevenofthecivilmagistrate,onThursdaynext,ifnecessary.'Heshallsee,'saysshe,'tameandtimidashethoughtme,whatIdaretodo,toavoidsohatedacompulsion,andamancapableofabasenesssopremeditatedlyvileandinhuman.'
This,however,showsme,thatsheisawarethatthereluctantly-given
assurancemaybefairlyconstruedintoamatrimonialexpectationonmyside.Andifshewillnow,evennow,lookforward,Ithink,frommyheart,thatIwillputonherlivery,andwearitforlife.
WhatasituationamIin,withallmycursedinventions!Iampuzzled,confounded,andashamedofmyself,uponthewhole.Totakesuchpainstobeavillain!--But(forthefiftiethtime)letmeaskthee,Whowouldhavethoughtthattherehadbeensuchawomanintheworld?--Nevertheless,shehadbesttakecarethatshecarriesnotherobstinacymuchfarther.Sheknowsnotwhatrevengeforslightedlovewillmakeme
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do.
ThebusyscenesIhavejustpassedthroughhavegivenemotionstomyheart,whichwillnotbequietedonewhile.Myheart,Isee,(onre-perusingwhatIhavewritten,)hascommunicateditstremorstomyfingers;andinsomeplacesthecharactersaresoindistinctandunformed,thatthou'lthardlybeabletomakethemout.Butifonehalfofthemisonlyintelligible,thatwillbeenoughtoexposemetothycontempt,forthewretchedhandIhavemadeofmyplotsandcontrivances.--Butsurely,Jack,Ihavegainedsomegroundbythispromise.
Andnow,onewordtotheassurancesthousendestme,thatthouhastnotbetrayedmysecretsinrelationtothischarmingcreature.Thoumightesthavesparedthem,Belford.MysuspicionsheldnolongerthanwhileIwroteaboutthem.*ForwellIknew,whenIallowedmyselftimetothink,thatthouhadstnoprinciples,novirtue,tobemisledby.Agreatdealofstrongenvy,andalittleofweakpity,Iknewtobethymotives.Thoucouldstnotprovokemyanger,andmycompassionthoueverhadst;andartnowmoreespeciallyentitledtoit;becausethouartapityfulfellow.
Allthynewexpostulationsinmybeloved'sbehalfIwillanswerwhenIseethee.
LETTERXXXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.THURSDAYNIGHT.
Confoundedlyoutofhumourwiththisperversewoman!--Norwiltthoublameme,ifthouartmyfriend.Sheregardstheconcessionshemade,asaconcessionextortedfromher:andwearebutjustwherewewerebeforeshemadeit.
WithgreatdifficultyIprevaileduponhertofavourmewithhercompanyforonehalfhourthisevening.ThenecessityIwasundertogodowntoM.HallwasthesubjectIwantedtotalkupon.
Itoldher,thatasshehadbeensogoodastopromisethatshewouldendeavourtomakeherselfeasytillshesawtheThursdayinnextweekover,Ihopedthatshewouldnotscrupletoobligemewithherword,thatIshouldfindherhereatmyreturnfromM.Hall.
Indeedshewouldmakenosuchpromise.Nothingofthishousewasmentionedtome,saidshe:youknowitwasnot.AnddoyouthinkthatIwouldhavegivenmyconsenttomyimprisonmentinit?
Iwasplaguilynettled,anddisappointedtoo.IfIgonotdowntoMr.Hall,Madam,you'llhavenoscrupletostayhere,Isuppose,tillThursdayisover?
IfIcannothelpmyselfImust--butIinsistuponbeingpermittedtogooutofthishouse,whetheryouleaveitornot.
Well,Madam,thenIwillcomplywithyourcommands.AndIwillgooutthisveryeveninginquestoflodgingsthatyoushallhavenoobjectionsto.
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Iwillhavenolodgingsofyourproviding,Sir--IwillgotoMrs.Moore's,atHampstead.
Mrs.Moore's,Madam!--IhavenoobjectiontoMrs.Moore's--butwillyougivemeyourpromise,toadmitmetheretoyourpresence?
AsIdohere--whenIcannothelpit.
Verywell,Madam--Willyoubesogoodastoletmeknowwhatyouintendbyyourpromisetomakeyourselfeasy.
Toendeavour,Sir,tomakemyselfeasy--werethewords----
TillyousawwhatnextThursdaywouldproduce?
Askmenoquestionsthatmayensnareme.IamtoosincereforthecompanyIamin.
Letmeaskyou,Madam,Whatmeantyou,whenyousaid,'that,wereitnotasin,youwoulddiebeforeyougavemethatassurance?'
Shewasindignantlysilent.
Youthought,Madam,youhadgivenmeroomtohopeyourpardonbyit?WhenIthinkIoughttoansweryouwithpatienceIwillspeak.
Doyouthinkyourselfinmypower,Madam?
IfIwerenot--Andthereshestopt----
Dearestcreature,speakout--Ibeseechyou,dearestcreature,speakout----
Shewassilent;hercharmingfaceallinaglow.
Haveyou,Madam,anyrelianceuponmyhonour?
Stillsilent.
Youhateme,Madam!YoudespisememorethanyoudothemostodiousofGod'screatures!
Yououghttodespiseme,ifIdidnot.
Yousay,Madam,youareinabadhouse.Youhavenorelianceuponmyhonour--youbelieveyoucannotavoidme----
Shearose.Ibeseechyou,letmewithdraw.
Isnatchedherhand,rising,andpresseditfirsttomylips,andthentomyheart,inwilddisorder.Shemighthavefelttheboundingmischiefreadytoburstitsbars--Youshallgo--toyourownapartment,ifyouplease--But,bythegreatGodofHeaven,Iwillaccompanyyouthither!
Shetrembled--Pray,pray,Mr.Lovelace,don'tterrifymeso!
Beseated,Madam!Ibeseechyou,beseated!----
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Iwillsitdown----
Dothen--Allmysoulisinmyeyes,andmyheart'sbloodthrobbingatmyfingers'ends.
Iwill--Iwill--Youhurtme--Pray,Mr.Lovelace,don't--don'tfrightenmeso--Anddownshesat,trembling;myhandstillgraspingher's.
Ihungoverherthrobbingbosom,andputtingmyotherarmroundherwaist--Andyousay,youhateme,Madam--andyousay,youdespiseme--andyousay,youpromisemenothing----
Yes,yes,Ididpromiseyou--letmenotbehelddownthus--youseeIsatdownwhenyoubidme--Why[struggling]needyouholdmedownthus?--IdidpromisetoendeavourtobeeasytillThursdaywasover!Butyouwon'tletme!--HowcanIbeeasy?--Pray,letmenotbethusterrified.
Andwhat,Madam,meantyoubyyourpromise?Didyoumeananythinginmyfavour?--YoudesignedthatIshould,atthattime,thinkyoudid.Didyoumeananythinginmyfavour,Madam?--DidyouintendthatIshouldthinkyoudid?
Letgomyhand,Sir--Takeawayyourarmfromaboutme,[struggling,yettrembling,]--Whydoyougazeuponmeso?
Answerme,Madam--Didyoumeananythinginmyfavourbyyourpromise?
Letmebenotthusconstrainedtoanswer.
Thenpausing,andgainingmorespirit,Letmego,saidshe:Iambutawoman--butaweakwoman.
Butmylifeisinmyownpower,thoughmypersonisnot--Iwillnotbethusconstrained.
Youshallnot,Madam,quittingherhand,bowing;butmyheartisatmymouth,andhopingfartherprovocation.
Shearose,andwashurryingaway.
Ipursueyounot,Madam--Iwilltryyourgenerosity.Stop--return--thismomentstop,return,if,Madam,youwouldnotmakemedesperate.
Shestoptatthedoor;burstintotears--OLovelace!--How,how,haveIdeserved----
Bepleased,dearestangel,toreturn.
Shecameback--butwithdeclaredreluctance;andimputinghercompliancetoterror.
Terror,Jack,asIhaveheretoforefoundout,thoughIhavesolittlebenefitedbythediscovery,mustbemyresort,ifshemakeitnecessary--nothingelsewilldowiththeinflexiblecharmer.
Sheseatedherselfover-againstme;extremelydiscomposed--butindignationhadavisiblepredominanceinherfeatures.
Iwasgoingtowardsher,withacountenanceintendedlychangedtoloveandsoftness:Sweetest,dearestangel,weremywords,inthetenderest
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accent:--But,risingup,sheinsisteduponmybeingseatedatadistancefromher.
Iobeyed,andbeggedherhandoverthetable,tomyextendedhand;tosee,ifinanythingshewouldobligeme.Butnothinggentle,soft,oraffectionate,woulddo.Sherefusedmeherhand!--Wasshewise,Jack,toconfirmtome,thatnothingbutterrorwoulddo?
Letmeonlyknow,Madam,ifyourpromisetoendeavourtowaitwithpatiencetheeventofnextThursdaymeantmefavour?
Doyouexpectanyvoluntaryfavourfromonetowhomyougivenotafreechoice?
Doyouintend,Madam,tohonourmewithyourhand,inyouruncle'spresence,ordoyounot?
Myheartandmyhandshallneverbeseparated.Why,thinkyou,didIstandinoppositiontothewillofmybest,mynaturalfriends.
Iknowwhatyoumean,Madam--AmIthenashatefultoyouasthevileSolmes?
Askmenotsuchaquestion,Mr.Lovelace.
Imustbeanswered.AmIashatefultoyouasthevileSolmes?
WhydoyoucallMr.Solmesvile?
Don'tyouthinkhimso,Madam?
WhyshouldI?DidMr.Solmeseverdovilelybyme?
Dearestcreature!don'tdistractmebyhatefulcomparisons!andperhapsbyamorehatefulpreference.
Don'tyou,Sir,putquestionstomethatyouknowIwillanswertruly,
thoughmyanswerwereeversomuchtoenrageyou.
Myheart,Madam,mysoulisallyour'satpresent.Butyoumustgivemehope,thatyourpromise,inyourownconstruction,bindsyou,nonewcausetothecontrary,tobemineonThursday.HowelsecanIleaveyou?
LetmegotoHampstead;andtrusttomyfavour.
MayItrusttoit?--SayonlymayItrusttoit?
Howwillyoutrusttoit,ifyouextortananswertothisquestion?
Sayonly,dearestcreature,sayonly,mayItrusttoyourfavour,ifyou
gotoHampstead?
Howdareyou,Sir,ifImustspeakout,expectapromiseoffavourfromme?--Whatameancreaturemustyouthinkme,aftertheungratefulbasenesstome,wereItogiveyousuchapromise?
Thenstandingup,Thouhastmademe,Ovilestofmen![herhandsclasped,andafacecrimsonedwithindignation,]aninmateofthevilestofhouses--nevertheless,whileIaminit,Ishallhaveaheartincapableofanythingbutabhorrenceofthatandofthee!
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Androundherlookedtheangel,anduponme,withfearinhersweetaspectoftheconsequenceofherfreedeclaration--ButwhatadevilmustIhavebeen,Iwholovebraveryinaman,hadInotbeenmorestruckwithadmirationofherfortitudeattheinstant,thanstimulatedbyrevenge?
Noblestofcreatures!--AnddoyouthinkIcanleaveyou,andmyinterestinsuchanexcellence,precarious?Nopromise!--nohope!--Ifyoumakemenotdesperate,maylightningblastme,ifIdoyounotallthejustice'tisinmypowertodoyou!
Ifyouhaveanyintentiontoobligeme,leavemeatmyownliberty,andletmenotbedetainedinthisabominablehouse.TobeconstrainedasIhavebeenconstrained!tobestoptbyyourvileagents!tobebroughtupbyforce,andbebruisedinmyowndefenceagainstsuchillegalviolence!--Idaretodie,Lovelace--andshewhofearsnotdeath,isnottobeintimidatedintoameannessunworthyofherheartandprinciples!
Wonderfulcreature!Butwhy,Madam,didyouleadmetohopeforsomethingfavourablefornextThursday?--Oncemore,makemenotdesperate--Withallyourmagnanimity,gloriouscreature![Iwasmorethanhalffrantic,Belford,]youmay,youmay--butdonot,donotmakemebrutallythreatenyou--donot,donotmakemedesperate!
Myaspect,Ibelieve,threatenedstillmorethanmywords.Iwasrising--Sherose--Mr.Lovelace,bepacified--youareevenmoredreadfulthantheLovelaceIhavelongdreaded--letmeretire--Iaskyourleavetoretire--youreallyfrightenme--yetIgiveyounohope--frommyheartIab----
Saynot,Madam,youabhorme.Youmust,foryourownsake,concealyourhatred--atleastnotavowit.Iseizedherhand.
Letmeretire--letme,retire,saidshe,inamanneroutofbreath.
Iwillonlysay,Madam,thatIrefermyselftoyourgenerosity.Myheartisnottobetrustedatthisinstant.Asamarkofmysubmissiontoyour
will,youshall,ifyouplease,withdraw--butIwillnotgotoM.Hall--liveordiemyLordM.IwillnotgotoM.Hall--butwillattendtheeffectofyourpromise.Remember,Madam,youhavepromisedtoendeavourtomakeyourselfeasytillyouseetheeventofnextThursday--nextThursday,remember,yourunclecomesup,toseeusmarried--that'stheevent.--YouthinkillofyourLovelace--donot,Madam,sufferyourownmoralstobedegradedbytheinfection,asyoucalledit,ofhisexample.
Awayflewthecharmerwiththishalfpermission--andnodoubtthoughtthatshehadanescape--norwithoutreason.
Iknewnotforhalfanhourwhattodowithmyself.Vexedattheheart,nevertheless,(nowshewasfromme,andwhenIreflecteduponherhatred
ofme,andherdefiances,)thatIsufferedmyselftobesooverawed,checked,restrained----
AndnowIhavewrittenthusfar,(haveofcourserecollectedthewholeofourconversation,)Iammoreandmoreincensedagainstmyself.
ButIwillgodowntothesewomen--andperhapssuffermyselftobelaughedatbythem.
Devilfetchthem,theypretendtoknowtheirownsex.Sallywasawoman
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welleducated--Pollyalso--bothhaveread--bothhavesense--ofparentagenotmean--oncemodestboth--still,theysay,hadbeenmodest,butforme--notentirelyindelicatenow;thoughtoolittleniceformypersonalintimacy,lothastheybotharetohavemethinkso--theoldone,too,awomanoffamily,thoughthus(frombadinclinationaswellasatfirstfromlowcircumstances)miserablysunk:--andhencetheyallpretendtorememberwhatoncetheywere;andvouchfortheinclinationsandhypocrisyofthewholesex,andwishfornothingsoardently,asthatIwillleavetheperverseladytotheirmanagementwhileIamgonetoBerkshire;undertakingabsolutelyforherhumilityandpassivenessonmyreturn;andcontinuallyboastingofthemanyperversecreatureswhomtheyhaveobligedtodrawintheirtraces.
***
Iamjustcomefromthesorceresses.
Iwasforcedtotakethemotherdown;forshebeganwithherHoh,Sir!withme;andtocatechizeandupbraidme,withasmuchinsolenceasifIowedhermoney.
Imadeherflythepitatlast.Strangewisheswishedweagainsteach
otheratherquittingit----Whatwerethey?--I'lltellthee----Shewishedmemarried,andtobejealousofmywife;andmyheir-apparentthechildofanotherman.Iwasevenwithherwithavengeance.Andyetthouwiltthinkthatcouldnotwellbe.--Ashow?--Ashow,Jack!--Why,Iwishedforherconsciencecometolife!AndIknow,bythegripesminegivesmeeveryhalf-hour,thatshewouldthenhaveacursedtimeofit.
SallyandPollygavethemselveshighairstoo.Theirfirstfavourswerethrownatme,[womentoboastofthosefavourswhichtheywereaswillingtoimpart,firstformsallthedifficultywiththem!asItoreceive!]Iwasupbraidedwithingratitude,dastardiceandallmydifficultieswithmyangelchargeduponmyself,forwantoffollowingmyblows;andforleavingtheproudladymistressofherownwill,andnothingtoreproach
herselfwith.Andallagreed,thattheartsusedagainstheronacertainoccasion,hadtoohighanoperationforthemormetojudgewhatherwillwouldhavebeeninthearduoustrial.Andthentheyblamedoneanother;asIcursedthemall.
Theyconcluded,thatIshouldcertainlymarry,andbealostman.AndSally,onthisoccasion,withanaffectedandmaliciouslaugh,snaptherfingersatme,andpointingtwoofeachhandforkedlyatme,bidmerememberthelinesIonceshowedherofmyfavouriteJackDryden,asshealwaysfamiliarlycallsthatcelebratedpoet:
Wewomentonewjoysunseenmaymove:Therearenoprintsleftinthepathsoflove.
Allgoodsbesidesbypublicmarksareknown:Butthosemenmostdesiretokeep,havenone.
Thisinfernalimplementhadtheconfidencefurthertohint,thatwhenawife,someothermanwouldnotfindhalfthedifficultywithmyangelthatIhadfound.Confidenceindeed!Butyet,Imustsay,ifamangiveshimselfuptothecompanyofthesedevils,theyneverlethimresttillheeithersuspectsorhatehiswife.
Butawordortwoofothermatters,ifpossible.
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MethinksIlongtoknowhowcausesgoatM.Hall.Ihaveanotherprivateintimation,thattheoldpeerisinthegreatestdanger.
Imustgodown.Yetwhattodowiththisladythemeanwhile!Thesecursedwomenarefullofcrueltyandenterprise.Shewillneverbeeasywiththeminmyabsence.Theywillhaveprovocationandpretencetherefore.Butwoebetothem,if----
Yetwhatwillvengeancedo,afteraninsultcommitted?Thetwonymphswillhavejealousragetogoadthemon.Andwhatwillwithholdajealousandalready-ruinedwoman?
Tolethergoelsewhere;thatcannotbedone.Iamstilltooresolvedtobehonest,ifshe'llgivemehope:ifyetshe'llletmebehonest.ButI'llseehowshe'llbeafterthecontentionshewillcertainlyhavebetweenherresentmentandtheterrorshehasreasonforfromourlastconversation.Soletthissubjectresttillthemorning.Andtotheoldpeeroncemore.
Ishallhaveagooddealoftrouble,Ireckon,thoughnosordidman,tobedecentontheexpectedoccasion.Thenhowtoact(Iwhoamnohypocrite)inthedaysofcondolement!WhatfarceshaveItogothrough;andtobetheprincipalactorinthem!I'lltrytothinkofmyown
latterend;agraybeard,andagracelessheir;inordertomakemeserious.
Thou,Belford,knowestagooddealofthissortofgrimace;andcansthelpagayhearttoalittleofthedismal.Buttheneveryfeatureofthyfaceiscutoutforit.Myheartmaybetouched,perhaps,soonerthanthine;for,believemeornot,Ihaveaverytenderone.Butthen,nomanlookingintomyface,betheoccasionforgriefeversogreat,willbelievethathearttobedeeplydistressed.
Allisplacid,easy,serene,inmycountenance.Sorrowcannotsithalfanhourtogetheruponit.Nay,Ibelieve,thatLordM.'srecovery,shouldithappen,wouldnotaffectmeaboveaquarterofanhour.Only
thenewscenery,(andthepleasureofapinganHeraclitustothefamily,whileIamaDemocritusamongmyprivatefriends,)orIwantnothingthattheoldpeercanleaveme.Whereforethenshouldgriefsaddenanddistortsuchblythe,suchjocund,featuresasmine?
Butasforthine,weretheremurdercommittedinthestreet,andthouwertbutpassingby,themurderereveninsight,thepursuerswouldquithim,andlayholdofthee:andthyverylookswouldhang,aswellasapprehendthee.
Butonewordtobusiness,Jack.Whomdealestthouwithforthyblacks?--Wertthouwellused?--Ishallwantaplaguyparcelofthem.ForIintendtomakeeverysoulofthefamilymourn--outside,ifnotin.
LETTERXXXIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.JUNE23,FRIDAYMORNING.
Iwentoutearlythismorning,onadesignthatIknownotyetwhether
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Ishallorshallnotpursue;andonmyreturnfoundSimonParsons,myLord'sBerkshirebailiff,(justbeforearrived,)waitingformewithamessageinform,sentbyallthefamily,topressmetogodown,andthatatmyLord'sparticulardesire,whowantstoseemebeforehedies.
SimonhasbroughtmyLord'schariot-and-six[perhapsmyownbythistime,]tocarrymedown.Ihaveorderedittobeinreadinessbyfourto-morrowmorning.Thecattleshallsmokeforthedelay;andbytherestthey'llhaveintheinterim,willbebetterabletobearit.
Iamstillresolveduponmatrimony,ifmyfairperversewillacceptofme.But,ifshewillnot----whythenImustgiveanuninterruptedhearing,nottomyconscience,buttothesewomenbelow.
DorcashadacquaintedherladywithSimon'sarrivalanderrand.Mybelovedhaddesiredtoseehim.Butmycominginpreventedhisattendanceonher,justasDorcaswasinstructinghimwhatquestionsheshouldnotanswerto,thatmightbeaskedofhim.
Iamtobeadmittedtoherpresenceimmediately,atmyrepeatedrequest.Surelytheacquisitioninviewwillhelpmetomakeupallwithher.Sheisjustgoneuptothedining-room.
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Nothingwilldo,Jack!--Icanprocurenofavourfromher,thoughshehasobtainedfrommethepointwhichshehadsetherheartupon.
Iwillgivetheeabriefaccountofwhatpassedbetweenus.
Ifirstproposedinstantmarriage;andthisinthemostferventmanner:butwasdeniedasfervently.
Wouldshebepleasedtoassuremethatshewouldstayhereonlytill
Tuesdaymorning?IwouldbutjustgodowntoseehowmyLordwas--toknowwhetherhehadanythingparticulartosay,orenjoinme,whileyethewassensible,ashewasveryearnesttoseeme:perhapsImightbeuponSunday.--Concedeinsomething!--Ibeseechyou,Madam,showmesomelittleconsideration.
Why,Mr.Lovelace,mustIbedeterminedbyyourmotions?--ThinkyouthatIwillvoluntarilygiveasanctiontotheimprisonmentofmyperson?Ofwhatimportancetomeoughttobeyourstayoryourreturn.
Giveasanctiontotheimprisonmentofyourperson!Doyouthink,Madam,thatIfearthelaw?
Imighthavesparedthisfoolishquestionofdefiance:butmypridewouldnotletme.Ithoughtshethreatenedme,Jack.
Idon'tthinkyoufearthelaw,Sir.--Youaretoobravetohaveanyregardeithertomoralordivinesanctions.
'Tiswell,Madam!ButaskmeanythingIcandotoobligeyou;andIwillobligeyou,thoughinnothingwillyouobligeme.
ThenIaskyou,thenIrequestofyou,toletmegotoHampstead.
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Ipaused--Andatlast--Bymysoulyoushall--thisverymomentIwillwaituponyou,andseeyoufixedthere,ifyou'llpromisemeyourhandonThursday,inpresenceofyouruncle.
Iwantnotyoutoseemefixed.Iwillpromisenothing.
Takecare,Madam,thatyoudon'tletmeseethatIcanhavenorelianceuponyourfuturefavour.
Ihavebeenusedtobethreatenedbyyou,Sir--butIwillacceptofyourcompanytoHampstead--Iwillbereadytogoinaquarterofanhour--myclothesmaybesentafterme.
Youknowthecondition,Madam--NextThursday.
Youdarenottrust----
Myinfinitedemeritstellme,thatIoughtnot--neverthelessIwillconfideinyourgenerosity.--To-morrowmorning(nonewcausearisingtogivereasontothecontrary)asearlyasyoupleaseyoumaygotoHampstead.
Thisseemedtoobligeher.Butyetshelookedwithafaceofdoubt.
Iwillgodowntothewomen,Belford.Andhavingnobetterjudgesathand,willhearwhattheysayuponmycriticalsituationwiththisproudbeauty,whohassoinsolentlyrejectedaLovelacekneelingatherfeet,thoughmakinganearnesttenderofhimselfforahusband,inspiteofallhisprejudicestothestateofshackles.
LETTERXXXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Justcomefromthewomen.
'HaveIgonesofar,andamIafraidtogofarther?--HaveInotalready,asitisevidentbyherbehaviour,sinnedbeyondforgiveness?--Awoman'stearsusedtobetomebutaswatersprinkledonaglowingfire,whichgivesitafiercerandbrighterblaze:Whatdefencehasthisladybuthertearsandhereloquence?Shewasbeforetakenatnoweakadvantage.Shewasinsensibleinhermomentsoftrial.Hadshebeensensible,shemusthavebeensensible.Sotheysay.Themethodstakenwithherhaveaugmentedhergloryandherpride.Shehasnowataletotell,thatshemaytellwithhonourtoherself.Noaccomplice-inclination.Shecanlookmeintoconfusion,withoutbeingconsciousofsomuchasathought
whichsheneedtobeashamedof.'
This,Jack,isthesubstanceofthewomen'sreasoningswithme.
Towhichletmeadd,thatthedearcreaturenowseesthenecessityIamintoleaveher.Detectingmeisinherhead.Mycontrivancesareofsuchanature,thatImustappeartobethemostodiousofmenifIamdetectedonthissidematrimony.AndyetIhavepromised,asthouseest,thatsheshallsetouttoHampsteadassoonasshepleasesinthemorning,andthatwithoutconditiononherside.
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Dostthouask,WhatImeantbythispromise?
Nonewcausearising,wastheprovisoonmyside,thou'ltremember.Buttherewillbeanewcause.
SupposeDorcasshoulddropthepromissorynotegivenherbyherlady?Servants,especiallythosewhocannotreadorwrite,arethemostcarelesspeopleintheworldofwrittenpapers.SupposeItakeitup?--atatime,too,thatIwasdeterminedthatthedearcreatureshouldbeherownmistress?--Willnotthisdetectionbeanewcause?--Acausethatwillcarrywithitagainsthertheappearanceofingratitude!
Thatshedesigneditasecrettome,arguesafearofdetection,andindirectlyasenseofguilt.Iwantedapretence.CanIhaveabetter?--IfIaminaviolentpassionuponthedetection,isnotpassionanuniversally-allowedextenuatorofviolence?Isnoteverymanandwomanobligedtoexcusethatfaultinanother,whichattimestheyfindattendedwithsuchungovernableeffectsinthemselves?
Themotherandsisterhood,suppose,broughttositinjudgmentuponthevilecorrupted--theleastbenefitthatmustaccruefromtheaccidentaldiscovery,ifnotapretenceforperpetration,[which,however,maybethecase,]anexcuseforrenewingmyordersforherdetentiontillmy
returnfromM.Hall,[thefaultherown,]andforkeepingastricterwatchoverherthanbefore;withdirectiontosendmeanylettersthatmaybewrittenbyherortoher.--AndwhenIreturn,thedevil'sinitifIfindnotawaytomakeherchooselodgingsforherself,(sincethesearesohatefultoher,)thatshallanswerallmypurposes;andyetInomoreappeartodirectherchoice,thanIdidbeforeinthese.
Thouwiltcursemewhenthoucomesttothisplace.Iknowthouwilt.Butthinkestthouthat,aftersuchaseriesofcontrivance,Iwilllosethisinimitablewomanforwantofalittlemore?Arake'sarake,Jack!--Andwhatrakeiswithheldbyprinciplefromtheperpetrationofanyevilhisheartissetupon,andinwhichhethinkshecansucceed?--Besides,amInotinearnestastomarriage?--Willnotthegeneralityof
theworldacquitme,ifIdomarry?Andwhatisthatinjurywhichachurch-ritewillnotatanytimerepair?Isnotthecatastropheofeverystorythatendsinwedlockaccountedhappy,bethedifficultiesintheprogressofiteversogreat.
Buthere,howamIengrossedbythislady,whilepoorLordM.asSimontellsme,liesgroaninginthemostdreadfulagonies!--Whatmusthesuffer!--Heavenrelievehim!--Ihaveatoocompassionateheart.Andsowouldthedearcreaturehavefound,couldIhavethoughtthattheworstofhersufferingsisequaltothelightestofhis.Imeanastofact;forastothatpartofher's,whicharisesfromextremesensibility,Iknownothingofthat;andcannotthereforebeanswerableforit.
LETTERXXXV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Justcomefrommycharmer.Shewillnotsuffermetosayhalftheobliging,thetenderthings,whichmyhonestheartisreadytooverflowwith.Aconfoundedsituationthat,whenamanfindshimselfinhumour
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tobeeloquent,andpatheticatthesametime,yetcannotengagethemistressofhisfatetolendaneartohisfinespeeches.
Icanaccountnowhowitcomesaboutthatlovers,whentheirmistressesarecruel,runintosolitude,anddisburthentheirmindstostocksandstones:ForamInotforcedtomakemycomplaintstothee?
Sheclaimedtheperformanceofmypromise,themomentshesawme,ofpermittingher[haughtilyshespoketheword]togotoHampsteadassoonasIwasgonetoBerks.
MostcheerfullyIrenewedit.
Shedesiredmetogiveordersinherhearing.
IsentforDorcasandWill.Theycame.--Doyoubothtakenotice,(but,perhaps,Sir,Imaytakeyouwithme,)thatyourladyistobeobeyedinallhercommands.ShepurposestoreturntoHampsteadassoonasIamgone--Mydear,willyounothaveaservanttoattendyou?
Ishallwantnoservantthere.
WillyoutakeDorcas?
IfIshouldwantDorcas,Icansendforher.Dorcascouldnotbutsay,Sheshouldbeveryproud--
Well,well,thatmaybeatmyreturn,ifyourladypermit.--ShallI,mydear,callupMrs.Sinclair,andgiveherorders,tothesameeffect,inyourhearing?
IdesirenottoseeMrs.Sinclair;noranythatbelongtoher.
Asyouplease,Madam.
Andthen(theservantsbeingwithdrawn)Iurgedheragainforthe
assurance,thatshewouldmeetmeatthealtaronThursdaynext.Buttonopurpose.--Mayshenotthankherselfforallthatmayfollow?
Onefavour,however,Iwouldnotbedenied,tobeadmittedtopasstheeveningwithher.
AllsweetnessandobsequiousnesswillIbeonthisoccasion.Mywholesoulshallbepouredouttomovehertoforgiveme.Ifshewillnot,andifthepromissorynoteshouldfallinmyway,myrevengewilldoubtlesstaketotalpossessionofme.
Allthehouseinmyinterest,andeveryoneinitnotonlyengagingtointimidateandassist,asoccasionshalloffer,butstakingalltheir
experienceuponmysuccess,ifitbenotmyownfault,whatmustbetheconsequence?
This,Jack,however,shallbeherlasttrial;andifshebehaveasnoblyinandafterthissecondattempt(allhersensesabouther)asshehasdoneafterthefirst,shewillcomeoutanangeluponfullproof,inspiteofman,woman,anddevil:thenshalltherebeanendofallhersufferings.Iwillthenrenouncethatvanquisheddevil,andreform.Andifanyvilemachinationstartup,presumingtomisleadme,Iwillsoonerstabitinmyheart,asitrises,thangivewaytoit.
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Afewhourswillnowdecideall.Butwhateverbetheevent,Ishallbetoobusytowriteagain,tillIgettoM.Hall.
Meantime,Iaminstrangeagitations.Imustsuppressthem,ifpossible,beforeIventureintoherpresence.--Myheartbouncesmybosomfromthetable.Iwilllaydownmypen,andwhollyresigntoitsimpulses.
LETTERXXXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAYNIGHT,ORRATHERSAT.MORN.ONEO'CLOCK.
IthoughtIshouldnothavehadeithertimeorinclinationtowriteanotherlinebeforeIgottoM.Hall.But,havingthefirst,mustfindthelast;sinceIcanneithersleep,nordoanythingbutwrite,ifIcandothat.Iammostconfoundedlyoutofhumour.Thereasonletitfollow;ifitwillfollow--norpreparationforitfromme.
Itriedbygentlenessandlovetosoften--What?--Marble.Aheart
incapableeitherofloveorgentleness.Herpastinjuriesforeverinherhead.Readytoreceiveafavour;thepermissiontogotoHampstead:butneithertodeserveit,norreturnany.Somyschemeofthegentlekindwassoongivenover.
Ithenwantedtoprovokeher:likeacowardboy,whowaitsforthefirstblowbeforehecanpersuadehimselftofight,Ihalfchallengedhertochallengeordefyme.Sheseemedawareofherdanger;andwouldnotdirectlybravemyresentment:butkeptsuchamiddlecourse,thatIneithercouldfindapretencetooffend,norreasontohope:yetshebelievedmytale,thatherunclewouldcometoKentish-town,andseemednottoapprehendthatTomlinsonwasanimpostor.
Shewasveryuneasy,uponthewhole,inmycompany:wantedoftentobreakfromme:yetsoheldmetomypurposeofpermittinghertogotoHampstead,thatIknewnothowtogetoffit;althoughitwasimpossible,inmyprecarioussituationwithher,tothinkofperformingit.
Inthissituation;thewomenreadytoassist;and,ifIproceedednot,asreadytoridiculeme;whathadIleftme,buttopursuetheconcertedscheme,andtoseekapretencetoquarrelwithher,inordertorevokemypromisedpermission,andtoconvinceherthatIwouldnotbeupbraidedasthemostbrutalofravishersfornothing?
Ihadagreedwiththewomen,thatifIcouldnotfindapretenceinher
presencetobeginmyoperations,thenoteshouldlieinmyway,andIwastopickitup,soonafterherretiringfromme.ButIbegantodoubtatnearteno'clock,(soearnestwasshetoleaveme,suspectingmyover-warmbehaviourtoher,andeagergraspingofherhandtwoorthreetimes,witheye-strings,asIfelt,onthestrain,whilehereyesshoweduneasinessandapprehension,)thatifsheactuallyretiredforthenight,itmightbeachancewhetheritwouldbeeasytocomeatheragain.Loth,therefore,torunsucharisk,Isteptoutalittleafterten,withintenttoalterthepreconcerteddispositionalittle;sayingIwouldattendheragaininstantly.ButasIreturnedImetheratthedoor,intendingto
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withdrawforthenight.Icouldnotpersuadehertogoback:norhadIpresenceofmind(sofullofcomplaisanceasIwastoherjustbefore)tostayherbyforce:sosheslidthroughmyhandsintoherownapartment.Ihadnothingtodo,therefore,buttoletmyformerconcerttakeplace.
Ishouldhavepromised(butcarenotfororderoftime,connection,oranythingelse)that,betweeneightandnineintheevening,anotherservantofLordM.onhorsebackcame,todesiremetocarrydownwithmeDr.S.,theoldpeerhavingbeenonce(inextremis,astheyjudgeheisnow)relievedandreprievedbyhim.Isentandengagedthedoctortoaccompanymedown:andamtocalluponhimbyfourthismorning:orthedevilshouldhavebothmyLordandtheDoctor,ifI'dstirtillIgotallmadeup.
Pokethydamn'dnoseforwardintotheevent,ifthouwilt--Cursemeifthoushalthaveittillitspropertimeandplace.Andtoosoonthen.
Shehadhardlygotintoherchamber,butIfoundalittlepaper,asIwasgoingintomine,whichItookup;andopeningit,(foritwascarefullypinnedinanotherpaper,)whatshoulditbebutapromissorynote,givenasabribe,withafurtherpromiseofadiamondring,toinduceDorcastofavourhermistress'sescape?
Howmytemperchangedinamoment!--Ring,ring,ring,ring,Imybell,
withaviolenceenoughtobreakthestring,andasifthehousewereonfire.
Everydevilfrightedintoactivelife:thewholehouseinanuproar.UprunsWill.--Sir--Sir--Sir!--Eyesgoggling,mouthdistended--Bidthedamn'dtoadDorcascomehither,(asIstoodatthestair-head,)inahorriblerage,andoutofbreath,criedI.
Insightcamethetremblingdevil--butstandingaloof,fromthereportmadeherbyWill.ofthepassionIwasin,aswellasfromwhatshehadheard.
Flashcameoutmyswordimmediately;forIhaditreadyon--Cursed,
confounded,villanousbriberyandcorruption----
Uprunsshetoherlady'sdoor,screamingoutforsafetyandprotection.
Goodyourhonour,interposedWill.,forGod'ssake!--OLord,OLord!--receivingagoodcuff.--
Takethat,varlet,forsavingtheungratefulwretchfrommyvengeance.
Wretch!Iintendedtosay;butifitweresomeotherwordoflikeending,passionmustbemyexcuse.
Uprantwoorthreeofthesisterhood,What'sthematter!What'sthe
matter!
Thematter!(forstillmybelovedopenednotthedoor;onthecontrary,drewanotherbolt,)ThisabominableDorcas!--(callherauntup!--letherseewhatatraitressshehasplacedaboutme!--andletherbringthetoadtoanswerforherself)--hastakenabribe,aprovisionforlife,tobetrayhertrust;bythatmeanstoperpetuateaquarrelbetweenamanandhiswife,andfrustrateforeverallhopesofreconciliationbetweenus!
Letmeperish,Belford,ifIhavepatiencetoproceedwiththefarce!
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IfImustresume,Imust----
Upcametheaunt,puffingandblowing--Asshehopedformercy,shewasnotprivytoit!Sheneverknewsuchaplotting,perverseladyinherlife!--Wellmightservantsbeatthepasstheywere,whensuchladiesasMrs.Lovelacemadenoconscienceofcorruptingthem.Forherpartshedesirednomercyforthewretch;nonieceofher's,ifshewerenotfaithfultohertrust!--Butwhatwastheproof?----
Shewasshownthepaper----
Buttooevident!--Cursed,cursedtoad,devil,jade,passedfromeachmouth:--andthevilenessofthecorrupted,andtheunworthinessofthecorruptress,wereinveighedagainst.
Upweallwent,passingthelady'sdoorintothedining-room,toproceedtotrial.----
Stamp,stamp,stampup,eachonherheels;rave,rave,rave,everytongue
----Bringupthecreaturebeforeusallthisinstant!----
Andwouldshehavegotoutofthehouse,sayyou?--
Thesethenoisesandthespeechesasweclatteredbythedoorofthefairbribress.
UpwasbroughtDorcas(whimpering)betweentwo,bothbawlingout--Youmustgo--Youshallgo--'Tisfityoushouldanswerforyourself--Youareadiscredittoallworthyservants--astheypulledandpushedherupstairs.--Shewhining,Icannotseehishonour--Icannotlooksogoodand
sogenerousagentlemanintheface--OhowshallIbearmyaunt'sravings?----
Comeup,andbed--n'd--Bringherforward,herimperialjudge--Whataplague,itisthedetection,notthecrime,thatconfoundsyou.Youcouldbequietenoughfordaystogether,asIseebythedate,underthevillany.Tellme,ungratefuldevil,tellmewhomadethefirstadvances?
Ay,disgracetomyfamilyandblood,criedtheoldone--tellhishonour--tellthetruth!--Whomadethefirstadvances?----
Ay,cursedcreature,criedSally,whomadethefirstadvances?
Ihavebetrayedonetrustalready!--Oletmenotbetrayanother!--Myladyisagoodlady!--Oletnothersuffer!--
Tellallyouknow.Tellthewholetruth,Dorcas,criedPollyHorton.--Hishonourloveshisladytoowelltomakehersuffermuch:littleassherequiteshislove!----
Everybodyseesthat,criedSally--toowell,indeed,forhishonour,Iwasgoingtosay.
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Tillnow,Ithoughtshedeservedmylove--Buttobribeaservantthus,whoshesupposedhadorderstowatchhersteps,forfearofanotherelopement;andtoimputethatprecautiontomeasacrime!--YetImustloveher--Ladies,forgivemyweakness!----
Curseuponmygrimaces!--ifIhavepatiencetorepeatthem!--Butthoushalthaveitall--thoucanstnotdespisememorethanIdespisemyself!
***
Butsuppose,Sir,saidSally,youhavemyladyandthewenchfacetoface!Youseeshecaresnottoconfess.
Omycarelessness!criedDorcas--Don'tletmypoorladysuffer!--Indeed,ifyouallknewwhatIknow,youwouldsayherladyshiphasbeencruellytreated--
See,see,see,see!--repeatedly,everyoneatonce--Onlysorryforthedetection,asyourhonoursaid--notforthefault.
Cursedcreature,anddevilishcreature,fromeverymouth.
Yourladywon't,shedarenotcomeouttosaveyou,criedSally;thoughitismorehishonour'smercy,thanyourdesert,ifhedoesnotcutyourvilethroatthisinstant.
Say,repeatedPolly,wasityourladythatmadethefirstadvances,orwasityou,youcreature----
Iftheladyhadsomuchhonour,bawledthemother,excuseme,so--Excuseme,Sir,[confoundtheoldwretch!shehadliketohavesaidson!]--Iftheladyhassomuchhonour,aswehavesupposed,shewillappeartovindicateapoorservant,misled,asshehasbeen,bysuchlargepromises!--ButIhope,Sir,youwilldothembothjustice:Ihopeyouwill!--Goodlack!--Goodlack!clappingherhandstogether,togranther
everythingshecouldask--toindulgeherinherunworthyhatredtomypoorinnocenthouse!--tolethergotoHampstead,thoughyourhonourtoldus,youcouldgetnocondescensionfromher;no,nottheleast--OSir,OSir--Ihope--Ihope--ifyourladywillnotcomeout--Ihopeyouwillfindawaytohearthiscauseinherpresence.Ivaluenotmydoorsonsuchanoccasionasthis.JusticeIeverloved.Idesireyouwillcometothebottomofitinclearancetome.I'llbeswornIhadnoprivityinthisblackcorruption.
Justthenweheardthelady'sdoor,unbar,unlock,unbolt----
Now,Sir!
Now,Mr.Lovelace!
Now,Sir!fromeveryencouragingmouth!----
But,OJack!Jack!Jack!Icanwritenomore!
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Ifyoumusthaveitall,youmust!
Now,Belford,seeusallsittinginjudgment,resolvedtopunishthefairbribress--I,andthemother,thehithertodreadedmother,theniecesSally,Polly,thetraitressDorcas,andMabell,aguard,asitwere,overDorcas,thatshemightnotrunaway,andhideherself:--allpre-determined,andofnecessitypre-determined,fromthejourneyIwasgoingtotake,andmyprecarioussituationwithher--andhearherunbolt,unlock,unbar,thedoor;then,asitprovedafterwards,putthekeyintothelockontheoutside,lockthedoor,andputitinherpocket--Will.Iknew,below,whowouldgivemenotice,if,whilewewereallabove,sheshouldmistakeherway,andgodownstairs,insteadofcomingintothedining-room:thestreet-dooralsodoublysecured,andeveryshuttertothewindowsroundthehousefastened,thatnonoiseorscreamingshouldbeheard--[suchwasthebrutalpreparation]--andthenhearhersteptowardsus,andinstantlyseeherenteramongus,confidinginherowninnocence;andwithamajestyinherpersonandmanner,thatisnaturaltoher;butwhichthenshoneoutinallitsglory!--Everytonguesilent,everyeyeawed,everyheartquaking,mine,inaparticularmannersunk,throbless,andtwicebelowitsusualregion,toonceatmythroat:--ashamefulrecreant:--Shesilenttoo,lookingroundher,firstonme;thenonthemother,nolongerfearingher;thenonSally,Polly,andtheculpritDorcas!--suchthegloriouspowerofinnocenceexertedatthatawfulmoment!
Shewouldhavespoken,butcouldnot,lookingdownmyguiltintoconfusion.Amousemighthavebeenheardpassingoverthefloor:herownlightfeetandrustlingsilkscouldnothavepreventedit;forsheseemedtotreadair,andtobeallsoul.Shepassedbackwardsandforwards,nowtowardsme,nowtowardsthedoorseveraltimes,beforespeechcouldgetthebetterofindignation;andatlast,aftertwiceorthricehemmingtorecoverherarticulatevoice--'OthoucontemptibleandabandonedLovelace,thinkestthouthatIseenotthroughthispoorvillanousplotofthine,andofthesethywickedaccomplices?
'Thou,woman,[lookingatthemother]oncemyterror!alwaysmydislike!butnowmydetestation!shouldstoncemore(forthineperhapswasthe
preparation)haveprovidedformeintoxicatingpotions,torobmeofmysenses----
'Andthen,thus,wretch,[turningtome,]mightestthoumoresecurelyhavedependeduponsuchalowcontrivanceasthis!
'Andye,vilewomen,whoperhapshavebeentheruin,bodyandsoul,ofhundredsofinnocents,(youshowmehow,infullassembly,)know,thatIamnotmarried--ruinedasIam,byyourhelp,IblessGod,Iamnotmarriedtothismiscreant--andIhavefriendsthatwilldemandmyhonouratyourhands!--andtowhoseauthorityIwillapply;fornonehasthismanoverme.Looktoitthen,whatfartherinsultsyouofferme,orincitehimtoofferme.Iamaperson,thoughthusvilelybetrayed,of
rankandfortune.Ineverwillbehis;and,toyourutterruin,willfindfriendstopursueyou:andnowIhavethisfullproofofyourdetestablewickedness,andhaveheardyourbaseincitements,willhavenomercyuponyou!'
TheycouldnotlaughatthepoorfigureImade.--Lord!howeverydevil,conscience-shaken,trembled!--
Whatadejectionmusteverfalltothelotofguilt,wereitgiventoinnocencealwaysthustoexertitself!
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'Andasforthee,thouvileDorcas!Thoudoubledeceiver!--whiningoutthypretendedloveforme!--Begone,wretch!--Nobodywillhurtthee!--Begone,Isay!--thouhastoowellactedthyparttobeblamedbyanyherebutmyself--thouartsafe:thyguiltisthysecurityinsuchahouseasthis!--thyshameful,thypoorpart,thouhastaswellactedasthelowfarcecouldgivetheetoact!--aswellastheyeachofthem(thysuperiors,thoughnotthybetters),thouseest,canacttheirs.--Stealawayintodarkness!Noinquiryafterthiswillbemade,whosethefirstadvances,thineormine.'
And,asIhopetolive,thewench,confoundedlyfrightened,slunkaway;sodidhersentinelMabell;thoughI,endeavouringtorally,criedoutforDorcastostay--butIbelievethedevilcouldnothavestopther,whenanangelbidherbegone.
Madam,saidI,letmetellyou;andwasadvancingtowardsherwithafierceaspect,mostcursedlyvexed,andashamedtoo----
Butsheturnedtome:'Stopwherethouart,Ovilestandmostabandonedofmen!--Stopwherethouart!--nor,withthatdeterminedface,offertotouchme,ifthouwouldstnotthatIshouldbeacorpsatthyfeet!'
Tomyastonishment,sheheldforthapenknifeinherhand,thepointto
herownbosom,graspingresolutelythewholehandle,sothattherewasnoofferingtotakeitfromher.
'Ioffernotmischieftoanybodybutmyself.You,Sir,andyewomen,aresafefromeveryviolenceofmine.TheLAWshallbeallmyresource:theLAW,'andshespokethewordwithemphasis,theLAW!thattosuchpeoplecarriesnaturalterrorwithit,andnowstruckapanicintothem.
Nowonder,sincethosewhowilldamnthemselvestoprocureeaseandplentyinthisworld,willtrembleateverythingthatseemstothreatentheirmethodsofobtainingthateaseandplenty.----
'TheLAWonlyshallbemyrefuge!'----
Theinfamousmotherwhisperedme,thatitwerebettertomaketermswiththisstrangelady,andlethergo.
Sally,notwithstandingallherimpudentbraveryatothertimes,said,IfMr.Lovelacehadtoldthemwhatwasnottrue,ofherbeinghiswife----
AndPollyHorton,Thatshemustneedssay,thelady,ifshewerenotmywife,hadbeenverymuchinjured;thatwasall.
Thatisnotnowamattertobedisputed,criedI:youandIknow,Madam----
'Wedo,saidshe;andIthankGod,Iamnotthine--oncemoreIthankGodforit--Ihavenodoubtofthefartherbasenessthatthouhastintendedme,bythisvileandlowtrick:butIhavemySENSES,Lovelace:andfrommyheartIdespisethee,thouverypoorLovelace!--Howcanstthoustandinmypresence!--Thou,that'----
Madam,Madam,Madam--theseareinsultsnottobeborne--andwasapproachingher.
Shewithdrewtothedoor,andsetherbackagainstit,holdingthe
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pointedknifetoherheavingbosom;whilethewomenheldme,beseechingmenottoprovoketheviolentlady--fortheirhousesake,andbecurs'dtothem,theybesoughtme--andallthreehunguponme--whilethetrulyheroicladybravedmeatthatdistance:
'Approachme,Lovelace,withresentment,ifthouwilt.Idaredie.Itisindefenceofmyhonour.Godwillbemercifultomypoorsoul!Iexpectnomoremercyfromthee!Ihavegainedthisdistance,andtwostepsnearerme,andthoushaltseewhatIdaredo!'----
Leaveme,women,tomyself,andtomyangel!--[Theyretiredatadistance.]--Omybelovedcreature,howyouterrifyme!Holdingoutmyarms,andkneelingononeknee--notastep,notastepfarther,excepttoreceivemydeathatthatinjuredhandwhichisthusheldupagainstalifefardearertomethanmyown!Iamavillain!theblackestofvillains!--Sayyouwillsheathyourknifeintheinjurer's,nottheinjured'sheart,andthenwillIindeedapproachyou,butnotelse.
Themothertwangedherd--n'dnose;andSallyandPollypulledouttheirhandkerchiefs,andturnedfromus.Theyneverintheirlives,theytoldmeafterwards,beheldsuchascene----
Innocencesotriumphant:villanysodebased,theymustmean!
Unawarestomyself,Ihadmovedonwardtomyangel--'Anddostthou,dostthou,stilldisclaiming,stilladvancing--dostthou,dostthou,stillinsidiouslymovetowardsme?'--[Andherhandwasextended]'Idare--Idare--notrashlyneither--myheartfromprincipleabhorstheact,whichthoumakestnecessary!--God,inthymercy![liftinguphereyesandhands]God,inthymercy!'
Ithrewmyselftothefartherendoftheroom.Anejaculation,asilentejaculation,employingherthoughtsthatmoment;Pollysaysthewhitesofherlovelyeyeswereonlyvisible:and,intheinstantthatsheextendedherhand,assuredlytostrikethefatalblow,[howtheveryrecitalterrifiesme!]shecasthereyetowardsme,andsawmeattheutmostdistancetheroomwouldallow,andheardmybrokenvoice--myvoicewas
utterlybroken;norknewIwhatIsaid,orwhethertothepurposeornot--andhercharmingcheeks,thatwereallinaglowbefore,turnedpale,asifterrifiedatherownpurpose;andliftinguphereyes--'ThankGod!--thankGod!saidtheangel--deliveredforthepresent;forthepresentdelivered--frommyself--keep,Sir,thatdistance;'[lookingdowntowardsme,whowasprostrateonthefloor,myheartpierced,aswithanhundreddaggers;]'thatdistancehassavedalife;towhatreserved,theAlmightyonlyknows!'--
Tobehappy,Madam;andtomakehappy!--And,Oletmehopeforyourfavourforto-morrow--Iwillputoffmyjourneytillthen--andmayGod--
Swearnot,Sir!--withanawfulandpiercingaspect--youhavetoooften
sworn!--God'seyeisuponus!--Hismoreimmediateeye;andlookedwildly.--Butthewomenlookeduptotheceiling,asifafraidofGod'seye,andtrembled.Andwelltheymight,andItoo,whosoverylatelyhadeachofusthedevilinourhearts.
Ifnotto-morrow,Madam,saybutnextThursday,youruncle'sbirth-day;saybutnextThursday!
'ThisIsay,ofthisyoumayassureyourself,Inever,neverwillbeyour's.--Andletmehope,thatImaybeentitledtotheperformanceof
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yourpromise,tobepermittedtoleavethisinnocenthouse,asonecalledit,(butlonghavemyearsbeenaccustomedtosuchinversionsofwords),assoonasthedaybreaks.'
Didmyperditiondependuponit,thatyoucannot,Madam,butuponterms.AndIhopeyouwillnotterrifyme--stilldreadingtheaccursedknife.
'Nothinglessthananattemptuponmyhonourshallmakemedesperate.Ihavenoviewbuttodefendmyhonour:withsuchaviewonlyIenteredintotreatywithyourinfamousagentbelow.Theresolutionyouhaveseen,Itrust,Godwillgivemeagain,uponthesameoccasion.Butforaless,Iwishnotforit.--Onlytakenotice,women,thatIamnowifeofthisman:baselyashehasusedme,Iamnothiswife.Hehasnoauthorityoverme.Ifhegoawayby-and-by,andyouactbyhisauthoritytodetainme,looktoit.'
Then,takingoneofthelights,sheturnedfromus;andawayshewent,unmolested.--Notasoulwasabletomolesther.
Mabellsawher,tremblingly,andinahurry,takethekeyofherchamber-dooroutofherpocket,andunlockit;and,assoonassheentered,heardherdouble-lock,bar,andboltit.
Byhertakingoutherkey,whenshecameoutofherchambertous,sheno
doubtsuspectedmydesign:whichwas,tohavecarriedherinmyarmsthither,ifshemadesuchforcenecessary,afterIhadintimidatedher;andtohavebeenhercompanionforthatnight.
Shewastohavehadseveralbedchamber-womentoassisttoundressheruponoccasion:butfromthemomentsheenteredthedining-roomwithsomuchintrepidity,itwasabsolutelyimpossibletothinkofprosecutingmyvillanousdesignsagainsther.
***
This,this,Belford,wasthehandImadeofacontrivancefromwhichIexpectedsomuch!--AndnowIamtentimesworseoffthanbefore.
Thouneversawestpeopleinthylifelooksolikefoolsupononeanother,asthemother,herpartners,andI,did,forafewminutes.Andatlast,thetwodevilishnymphsbrokeoutintoinsultingridiculeuponme;whiletheoldwretchwasconcernedforherhouse,thereputationofherhouse.Icursedthemalltogether;and,retiringtomychamber,lockedmyselfin.
Andnowitistimetosetout:allIhavegained,detection,disgrace,freshguiltbyrepeatedperjuries,andtobedespisedbyherIdoatupon;and,whatisstillworsetoaproudheart,bymyself.
Success,successinprojects,iseverything.WhatanadmirablecontriverdidIthinkmyselftillnow!Evenforthisschemeamongtherest!Buthowpitifullyfoolishdoesitnowappeartome!--Scratchout,erase,nevertoberead,everypartofmyprecedingletters,whereIhaveboastinglymentionedit.Andneverpresumetorallymeuponthecursedsubject:forIcannotbearit.
Butforthelady,bymysoul,Iloveher.Iadmirehermorethanever!Imusthaveher.Iwillhaveherstill--withhonourorwithout,asI
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haveoftenvowed.Mycursedfrightatheraccidentalbloodynose,solately,putheruponimprovinguponmethus.HadshethreatenedME,Ishouldhavesoonbeenmasterofonearm,andinboth!Butforsosincereavirtuetothreatenherself,andnottooffertointimidateanyother,andwithsomuchpresenceofmind,astodistinguish,intheverypassionateintention,thenecessityoftheact,defenceofherhonour,andsofairlytodisavowlesseroccasions:showedsuchadeliberation,suchachoice,suchaprinciple;andthenkeepingmesowatchfullyatadistancethatIcouldnotseizeherhand,sosoonasshecouldhavegiventhefatalblow;howimpossiblenottobesubduedbysotrueandsodiscreetamagnanimity!
Butsheisnotgone.Sheshallnotgo.IwillpressherwithlettersfortheThursday.Sheshallyetbemine,legallymine.For,astocohabitation,thereisnosuchthingtobethoughtof.
TheCaptainshallgiveheraway,asproxyforheruncle.MyLordwilldie.Myfortunewillhelpmywill,andsetmeaboveeverythingandeverybody.
Buthereisthecurse--shedespisesme,Jack!--Whatman,asIhaveheretoforesaid,canbeartobedespised--especiallybyhiswife!--OLord!--OLord!Whatahand,whatacursedhand,haveImadeofthisplot!--Andhereends
Thehistoryoftheladyandthepenknife!--Thedeviltakethepenknife!--Itgoesagainstmetosay,
Godblessthelady!
NEAR5,SAT.MORN.
LETTERXXXVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE
[SUPERSCRIBEDTOMRS.LOVELACE.]M.HALL,SAT.NIGHT,JUNE24.
MYDEARESTLIFE,
Ifyoudonotimputetolive,andtoterrorraisedbylove,thepoorfigureImadebeforeyoulastnight,youwillnotdomejustice.IthoughtIwouldtrytotheverylastmoment,if,bycomplyingwithyouineverything,IcouldprevailuponyoutopromisetobemineonThursdaynext,sinceyourefusedmeanearlierday.CouldIhavebeensohappy,youhadnotbeenhinderedgoingtoHampstead,orwhereverelseyoupleased.ButwhenIcouldnotprevailuponyoutogivemethis
assurance,whatroomhadI,(mydemeritsogreat,)tosuppose,thatyourgoingthitherwouldnotbetoloseyouforever?
Iwillowntoyou,Madam,thatyesterdayafternoonIpickedupthepaperdroptbyDorcas;whohasconfessedthatshewouldhaveassistedyouingettingaway,ifshehadhadopportunitysotodo;andundoubtedlydroppeditbyaccident.AndcouldIhaveprevaileduponyouastoThursdaynext,Iwouldhavemadenouseofit;secureasIshouldhavebeeninyourwordgiven,tobemine.ButwhenIfoundyouinflexible,Iwasresolvedtotry,if,byresentingDorcas'streachery,Icouldnot
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makeyourpardonofmetheconditionofminetoher:andifnot,tomakeahandleofittorevokemyconsenttoyourgoingawayfromMrs.Sinclair's;sincetheconsequenceofthatmusthavebeensofataltome.
Sofar,indeed,wasmyproceedinglowandartful:andwhenIwaschallengedwithit,assuch,insohighandnobleamanner,Icouldnotavoidtakingshametomyselfuponit.
Butyoumustpermitme,Madam,tohope,thatyouwillnotpunishmetooheavilyforsopooracontrivance,sincenodishonourwasmeantyou:andsince,inthemomentofitsexecution,youhadasgreataninstanceofmyincapacitytodefendawrong,alowmeasure,and,atthesametime,inyourpoweroverme,asmortalmancouldgive--inaword,sinceyoumusthaveseen,thatIwasabsolutelyunderthecontroulbothofconscienceandoflove.
Iwillnotoffertodefendmyself,forwishingyoutoremainwhereyouare,tilleitheryougivemeyourwordtomeetmeatthealtaronThursday;ortillIhavethehonourofattendingyou,preparativetothesolemnitywhichwillmakethatdaythehappiestofmylife.
Iambuttoosensible,thatthiskindoftreatmentmayappeartoyouwiththefaceofanarbitraryandillegalimposition:butastheconsequences,notonlytoourselves,buttobothourfamilies,maybefatal,ifyou
cannotbemovedinmyfavour;letmebeseechyoutoforgivethisactofcompulsion,onthescoreofthenecessityyouyourdearselfhavelaidmeundertobeguiltyofit;andtopermitthesolemnityofnextThursdaytoincludeanactofoblivionforallpastoffences.
TheordersIhavegiventothepeopleofthehouseare:'ThatyoushallbeobeyedineveryparticularthatisconsistentwithmyexpectationsoffindingyouthereonmyreturnonWednesdaynext:thatMrs.Sinclairandhernieces,havingincurredyourjustdispleasure,shallnot,withoutyourorders,comeintoyourpresence:thatneithershallDorcas,tillshehasfullyclearedherconducttoyoursatisfaction,bepermittedtoattendyou:butMabell,inherplace;ofwhomyouseemedsometimeagotoexpresssomeliking.Will.Ihaveleftbehindmetoattendyour
commands.Ifhebeeithernegligentorimpertinent,yourdismissionshallbeadismissionofhimfrommyserviceforever.But,astoletterswhichmaybesentyou,oranywhichyoumayhavetosend,Imusthumblyentreat,thatnonesuchpassfromortoyou,forthefewdaysthatIshallbeabsent.'ButIdoassureyou,madam,thatthesealsofbothsortsshallbesacred:andtheletters,ifsuchbesent,shallbegivenintoyourownhandsthemomenttheceremonyisperformed,orbefore,ifyourequireit.
MeantimeIwillinquire,andsendyouword,howMissHowedoes;andtowhat,ifIcanbeinformed,herlongsilenceisowing.
Dr.PerkinsIfoundhere,attendingmyLord,whenIarrivedwithDr.S.
Heacquaintsmethatyourfather,mother,uncles,andthestilllessworthypersonsofyourfamily,arewell;andintendtobeallatyouruncleHarlowe'snextweek;Ipresume,withintenttokeephisanniversary.Thiscanmakenoalteration,butahappyone,astopersons,onThursday;becauseMr.Tomlinsonassuredme,thatifanythingfellouttohinderyouruncle'scomingupinperson,(which,however,hedidnotthenexpect,)hewouldbesatisfiedifhisfriendtheCaptainwereproxyforhim.Ishallsendamanandhorseto-morrowtotheCaptain,tobeatgreatercertainty.
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Isendthisbyaspecialmessenger,whowillwaityourpleasureinrelationtotheimpatiently-wished-forThursday:whichIhumblyhopewillbesignifiedbyaline.
MyLord,thoughhardlysensible,andunmindfulofeverythingbutofyourfelicity,desireshismostaffectionatecomplimentstoyou.Hehasinreadinesstopresenttoyouaveryvaluablesetofjewels,whichhehopeswillbeacceptable,whetherhelivestoseeyouadornthemornot.
LadySarahandLadyBettyhavealsotheirtokensofrespectreadytocourtyouracceptance:butmayHeaveninclineyoutogivetheopportunityofreceivingtheirpersonalcompliments,andthoseofmycousinsMontague,beforethenextweekbeout!
HisLordshipisexceedingill.Dr.S.hasnohopesofhim.TheonlyconsolationIcanhaveforthedeathofarelationwholovesmesowell,ifhedodie,mustarisefromtheadditionalpoweritwillputintomyhandsofshowinghowmuchIam,
Mydearestlife,Yourever-affectionate,faithful,LOVELACE.
LETTERXXXVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SUPERSCRIBEDTOMRS.LOVELACE.]M.HALL,SUNDAYNIGHT,JUNE25.
MYDEARESTLOVE,
IcannotfindwordstoexpresshowmuchIammortifiedatthereturnofmymessengerwithoutalinefromyou.
Thursdayissonear,thatIwillsendmessengeraftermessengereveryfourhours,tillIhaveafavourableanswer;theonetomeettheother,tillitsevearrives,toknowifImayventuretoappearinyourpresencewiththehopeofhavingmywishesansweredonthatday.
Yourlove,Madam,Ineitherexpect,noraskfor;norwill,tillmyfuturebehaviourgivesyoucausetothinkIdeserveit.AllIatpresentpresumetowishis,tohaveitinmypowertodoyouallthejusticeIcannowdoyou:andtoyourgenerositywillIleaveit,torewardme,asIshallmerit,withyouraffection.
Atpresent,revolvingmypoorbehaviourofFridaynightbeforeyou,IthinkIshouldsoonerchoosetogotomylastaudit,unpreparedforitas
Iam,thantoappearinyourpresence,unlessyougivemesomehope,thatIshallbereceivedasyourelectedhusband,ratherthan,(howeverdeserved,)asadetestedcriminal.
Letme,therefore,proposeanexpedient,inordertosparemyownconfusion;andtospareyouthenecessityforthatsoul-harrowingrecrimination,whichIcannotstand,andwhichmustbedisagreeabletoyourself--tonamethechurch,andIwillhaveeverythinginreadiness;sothatournextinterviewwillbe,inamanner,attheveryaltar;andthenyouwillhavethekindhusbandtoforgiveforthefaultsofthe
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ungratefullover.Ifyourresentmentbestilltoohightowritemore,letitonlybeinyourowndearhand,thesewords,St.Martin'schurch,Thursday--orthese,St.Giles'schurch,Thursday;norwillIinsistuponanyinscriptionorsubscription,orsomuchastheinitialsofyourname.ThisshallbeallthefavourIwillexpect,tillthedearhanditselfisgiventomine,inpresenceofthatBeingwhomIinvokeasawitnessoftheinviolablefaithandhonourof
YouradoringLOVELACE.
LETTERXXXIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SUPERSCRIBEDTOMRS.LOVELACE.]M.HALL,MONDAY,JUNE26.
Oncemore,mydearestlove,doIconjureyoutosendmethefourrequestedwords.Thereisnotimetobelost.AndIwouldnothavenextThursdaygoover,withoutbeingentitledtocallyoumine,fortheworld;andthataswellforyoursakeasformyown.Hithertoallthathas
passedisbetweenyouandmeonly;but,afterThursday,ifmywishesareunanswered,thewholewillbebeforetheworld.
MyLordisextremelyill,andenduresnottohavemeoutofhissightforonehalfhour.Butthisshallnothavetheleastweightwithme,ifyoubepleasedtoholdouttheolive-branchtomeinthefourrequestedwords.
IhavethefollowingintelligencefromCaptainTomlinson.
'AllyourfamilyareatyouruncleHarlowe's.Yourunclefindshecannotgoup;andnamesCaptainTomlinsonforhisproxy.HeproposestokeepallyourfamilywithhimtilltheCaptainassureshimthattheceremony
isover.
'Alreadyhehasbegun,withhopeofsuccess,totrytoreconcileyourmothertoyou.'
MyLordM.butjustnowhastoldmehowhappyheshouldthinkhimselftohaveanopportunity,beforehedies,tosaluteyouashisniece.Ihaveputhiminhopesthatheshallseeyou;andhavetoldhimthatIwillgototownonWednesday,inordertoprevailuponyoutoaccompanymedownonThursdayorFriday.Ihaveorderedasettobeinreadinesstocarrymeup;and,werenotmyLordsoveryill,mycousinMontaguetellsmethatshewouldofferherattendanceonyou.Ifyouplease,therefore,wecansetoutforthisplacethemomentthesolemnityisperformed.
Donot,dearestcreature,dissipateallthosepromisingappearances,andbyrefusingtosaveyourownandyourfamily'sreputationintheeyeoftheworld,useyourselfworsethantheungratefullestwretchonearthhasusedyou.Forifweweremarried,allthedisgraceyouimagineyouhavesufferedwhileasinglelady,willbemyown,andonlyknowntoourselves.
Oncemore,then,considerwellthesituationwearebothin;andremember,mydearestlife,thatThursdaywillbesoonhere;andthatyou
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havenotimetolose.
InalettersentbythemessengerwhomIdispatchwiththis,Ihavedesiredthatmyfriend,Mr.Belford,whoisyourverygreatadmirer,andwhoknowsallthesecretsofmyheart,willwaituponyou,toknowwhatIamtodependuponastothechosenday.
Surely,mydear,younevercould,atanytime,sufferhalfsomuchfromcruelsuspense,asIdo.
IfIhavenotananswertothis,eitherfromyourowngoodness,orthroughMr.Belford'sintercession,itwillbetoolateformetosetout:andCaptainTomlinsonwillbedisappointed,whogoestotownonpurposetoattendyourpleasure.
OnemotiveforthegentleresistanceIhavepresumedtolayyouunderis,topreventthemischiefsthatmightensue(asprobablytothemoreinnocent,astotheless)wereyoutowritetoanybodywhileyourpassionsweresomuchraisedandinflamedagainstme.Havingapprizedyouofmydirectiontothewomenintownonthishead,IwonderyoushouldhaveendeavouredtosendalettertoMissHowe,althoughinacoverdirectedtothatyounglady's*servant;asyoumustthinkitwouldbelikelytofallintomyhands.
*Theladyhadmadeanattempttosendawayaletter.
ThejustsenseofwhatIhavedeservedthecontentsshouldbe,leavesmenoroomtodoubtwhattheyare.Nevertheless,Ireturnityouenclosed,withtheseal,asyouwillsee,unbroken.
Relieve,Ibeseechyou,dearestMadam,bythefourrequestedwords,orbyMr.Belford,theanxietyof
Yourever-affectionateandobligedLOVELACE.
Remember,therewillnot,therecannotbetimeforfurtherwriting,andforcomingupbyThursday,youruncle'sbirth-day.
LETTERXL
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAY,JUNE26.
ThouwiltseethesituationIaminwithMissHarlowebytheenclosed
copiesofthreeletters;totwoofwhichIamsomuchscornedasnottohaveonewordgivenmeinanswer;andofthethird(nowsentbythemessengerwhobringstheethis)Iamafraidaslittlenoticewillbetaken--andifso,herdayofgraceisabsolutelyover.
Onewouldimagine(solongusedtoconstrainttooasshehasbeen)thatshemighthavebeensatisfiedwiththetriumphshehadoverusallonFridaynight!atriumphthattothishourhassunkmyprideandmyvanitysomuch,thatIalmosthatethewords,plot,contrivance,scheme;andshallmistrustmyselfinfutureforeveryonethatrisestomyinventive
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head.
ButseestthounotthatIamunderanecessitytocontinueheratSinclair'sandtoprohibitallhercorrespondencies?
Now,Belford,asIreally,inmypresentmood,thinkofnothinglessthanmarryingher,ifsheletnotThursdayslip,Iwouldhavetheeattendher,inpursuanceoftheintimationIhavegivenherinmyletterofthisdate;andvowforme,swearforme,bindthysoultoherformyhonour,andusewhatargumentsthyfriendlyheartcansuggest,inordertoprocuremeananswerfromher;which,asthouwiltsee,shemaygiveinfourwordsonly.AndthenIpurposetoleaveLordM.(dangerouslyillasheis,)andmeetheratherappointedchurch,inordertosolemnize.IfshewillbutsignCl.H.tothywritingthefourwords,thatshalldo:forIwouldnotcomeuptobemadeafoolofinthefaceofallmyfamilyandfriends.
Ifsheshouldletthedaygooff,Ishallbedesperate.Iamentangledinmyowndevices,andcannotbearthatsheshoulddetectme.
OthatIhadbeenhonest!--Whatadevilareallmyplotscometo!Whatdotheyendin,butonegrandplotuponmyself,andatitletoeternalinfamyanddisgrace!But,dependingonthyfriendlyoffices,Iwillsaynomoreofthis.--Lethersendmebutoneline!--Butoneline!--Totreat
measunworthyofhernotice;--yetbealtogetherinmypower--Icannot--Iwillnotbearthat.
MyLord,asIsaid,isextremelyill.Thedoctorsgivehimover.Hegiveshimselfover.Thosewhowouldnothavehimdie,areafraidhewilldie.Butastomyself,Iamdoubtful:fortheselongandviolentstrugglesbetweentheconstitutionandthedisease(thoughthelatterhasthreephysiciansandanapothecarytohelpitforward,andallthree,astotheirprescriptions,ofdifferentopinionstoo)indicateaplaguyhabit,andsavourmoreofrecoverythandeath:andthemoreso,ashehasnosharporacutementalorganstowhetouthisbodilyones,andtoraisehisfeverabovethesympathetichelpfulone.
ThouwiltseeintheenclosedwhatpainsIamattodispatchmessengers;whoareconstantlyontheroadtomeeteachother,andoneofthemtolinkinthechainwiththefourth,whosestationisinLondon,andfivemilesonwards,ortillmet.ButintruthIhavesomeothermattersforthemtoperformatthesametime,withmyLord'sbankerandhislawyer;whichwillenableme,ifhisLordshipissogoodastodiethisbout,tobeanovermatchforsomeofmyotherrelations.Idon'tmeanCharlotteandPatty;fortheyarenoblegirls:butothers,whohavebeenscratchingandclawingunder-groundlikesomanymolesinmyabsence;andwhoseworkingsIhavediscoveredsinceIhavebeendown,bythelittleheapsofdirttheyhavethrownup.
Aspeedyaccountofthycommission,dearJack!Thelettertravelsall
night.
LETTERXLI
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.LONDON,JUNE27.TUESDAY.
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Youmustexcuseme,Lovelace,fromengagingintheofficeyouwouldhavemeundertake,tillIcanbebetterassuredyoureallyintendhonourablyatlastbythismuch-injuredlady.
IbelieveyouknowyourfriendBelfordtoowelltothinkhewouldbeeasywithyou,orwithanymanalive,whoshouldseektomakehimpromiseforhimwhatheneverintendedtoperform.Andletmetellthee,thatIhavenotmuchconfidenceinthehonourofaman,whybyimitationofhands(Iwillonlycallit)hasshownsolittleregardtothehonourofhisownrelations.
Onlythatthouhastsuchjesuiticalqualifyings,orIshouldthinktheeatlasttouchedwithremorse,andbroughtwithinviewofbeingashamedofthycursedinventionsbytheillsuccessofthylast:whichIheartilycongratulatetheeupon.
Othedivinelady!--ButIwillnotaggravate!
Nevertheless,whenthouwritestthat,inthypresentmood,thouthinkestofmarrying,andyetcanstsoeasilychangethymood;whenIknowthyheartisagainstthestate:thatthefourwordsthoucourtestfromtheladyareasmuchtothypurpose,asifshewroteforty;sinceitwillshowshecanforgivethehighestinjurythatcanbeofferedtowoman;andwhenIrecollecthoweasilythoucanstfindexcusestopostpone;thou
mustbemoreexplicitagooddeal,astothyrealintentions,andfuturehonour,thanthouart:forIcannottrusttotemporaryremorse;whichbroughtonbydisappointmenttoo,andnotbyprinciple,andthelikeofwhichthouhastsooftengotover.
Ifthoucanstconvincemetimeenoughfortheday,thatthoumeanesttodohonourablybyher,inherownsenseoftheword;or,ifnottimeenough,wiltfixsomeotherday,(whichthououghtesttoleavetoheroption,andnotbindherdownfortheThursday;andtherather,asthypretenceforsodoingisfoundedonanabsolutefiction;)Iwillthenmostcheerfullyundertakethycause;byperson,ifshewilladmitmetoherpresence;ifshewillnot,bypen.But,inthiscase,thoumustallowmetobeguaranteeforthyfamily.And,ifso,somuchasIvalue
thee,andrespectthyskillinallthequalificationsofagentleman,thoumayestdependuponit,thatIwillactuptothecharacterofaguarantee,withmorehonourthantheprincesofourdayusuallydo----totheirshamebeitspoken.
Meantimeletmetellthee,thatmyheartbleedsforthewrongthisangelicladyhasreceived:andifthoudostnotmarryher,ifshewillhavethee,and,whenmarried,makeherthebestandtenderestofhusbands,Iwouldratherbeadog,amonkey,abear,aviper,oratoad,thanthee.
Commandmewithhonour,andthoushaltfindnonereadiertoobligetheethan
Thysincerefriend,JOHNBELFORD.
LETTERXLII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.M.HALL,JUNE27.TUESDAYNIGHT,NEAR12.
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Your'sreachedmethismoment,byanextraordinarypushinthemessengers.
Whatamanofhonourthouofasudden!----
Andso,intheimaginaryshapeofaguarantee,thouthreatenestme!
HadInotbeeninearnestastothelady,Ishouldnothaveofferedtoemploytheeintheaffair.But,letmesay,thathadstthouundertakenthetask,andIhadstafterwardsthoughtfittochangemymind,Ishouldhavecontentedmyselftotellthee,thatthatwasmymindwhenthouengagedstforme,andtohavegiventheethereasonsforthechange,andthenlefttheetothyowndiscretion:forneverknewIwhatfearofmanwas--norfearofwomanneither,tillIbecameacquaintedwithMissClarissaHarlowe,nay,whatismostsurprising,tillIcametohaveherinmypower.
Andsothouwiltnotwaituponthecharmerofmyheart,butupontermsandconditions!--Letitaloneandbecurs'd;Icarenot.--ButsomuchcreditdidIgivetothevaluethouexpressedstforher,thatIthoughttheofficewouldhavebeenacceptabletothee,asserviceabletome;forwhatwasit,buttoendeavourtopersuadehertoconsenttothe
reparationofherownhonour?ForwhathaveIdonebutdisgracedmyself,andbeenathieftomyownjoys?--Andiftherebeaunionofhearts,andanintentiontosolemnize,whatistherewantingbutthefoolishceremony?--andthatIstilloffer.But,ifshewillkeepbackherhand,ifshewillmakemeholdoutmineinvain,howcanIhelpit?
Iwriteheronemoreletter;andif,aftershehasreceivedthat,shekeepssullensilence,shemustthankherselfforwhatistofollow.
But,afterall,,myheartisnotwhollyher's.Iloveherbeyondexpression;andcannothelpit.IhopethereforeshewillreceivethislasttenderasIwish.Ihopesheintendsnot,likeatruewoman,toplague,andvex,andteaseme,nowshehasfoundherpower.Ifshewill
takemetomercynowtheseremorsesareuponme,(thoughIscorntoconditionwiththeeformysincerity,)allhertrials,asIhaveheretoforedeclared,shallbeover,andsheshallbeashappyasIcanmakeher:for,ruminatinguponallthathaspassedbetweenus,fromthefirsthourofouracquaintancetillthepresent,Imustpronounce,ThatsheisvirtueitselfandoncemoreIsay,hasnoequal.
Astowhatyouhint,ofleavingtoherchoiceanotherday,doyouconsider,thatitwillbeimpossiblethatmycontrivancesandstratagemsshouldbemuchlongerconcealed?--Thismakesmepressthatday,thoughsonear;andthemore,asIhavemadesomuchadoaboutheruncle'sanniversary.Ifshesendmethefourwords,Iwillsparenofatiguetobeintime,ifnotforthecanonicalhouratchurch,forsomeotherhour
ofthedayinherownapartment,oranyother:formoneywilldoeverything:andthatIhaveneversparedinthisaffair.
Toshowthee,thatIamnotatenmitywiththee,Ienclosethecopiesoftwoletters--onetoher:itisthefourth,andmustbethelastonthesubject----TheothertoCaptainTomlinson;calculated,asthouwiltsee,forhimtoshowher.
Andnow,Jack,interfere;inthiscaseornot,thouknowestthemindof
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R.LOVELACE.
LETTERXLIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SUPERSCRIBEDTOMRS.LOVELACE.]M.HALL,WED.MORNING,ONEO'CLOCK,JUNE28.
Notoneline,mydearestlife,notoneword,inanswertothreelettersIhavewritten!Thetimeisnowsoshort,thatthismustbethelastletterthatcanreachyouonthissidetheimportanthourthatmightmakeuslegallyone.
Myfriend,Mr.Belford,isapprehensive,thathecannotwaituponyouintime,byreasonofsomeurgentaffairsofhisown.
Ithelessregretthedisappointment,becauseIhaveprocuredamoreacceptableperson,asIhope,toattendyou;CaptainTomlinsonImean:towhomIhadappliedforthispurpose,beforeIhadMr.Belford'sanswer.
Iwasthemoresolicitoustoobtainhisfavourformhim,becauseoftheofficeheistotakeuponhim,asIhumblypresumetohope,to-morrow.Thatofficeobligedhimtobeintownasthisday:andIacquaintedhimwithmyunhappysituationwithyou;anddesiredthathewouldshowme,onthisoccasion,thatIhadasmuchofhisfavourandfriendshipasyourunclehad;sincethewholetreatymustbebrokenoff,ifhecouldnotprevailuponyouinmybehalf.
Hewilldispatchthemessengerdirectly;whomIproposetomeetinpersonatSlough;eithertoproceedonwardtoLondonwithajoyfulheart,ortoreturnbacktoM.Hallwithabrokenone.
Ioughtnot(butcannothelpit)toanticipatethepleasureMr.Tomlinson
proposestohimself,inacquaintingyouwiththelikelihoodthereisofyourmother'ssecondingyouruncle'sviews.For,itseems,hehasprivatelycommunicatedtoherhislaudableintentions:andherresolutiondepends,aswellashis,uponwhatto-morrowwillproduce.
Disappointnotthen,Ibeseechyou,foranhundredpersons'sakes,aswellasformine,thatuncleandthatmother,whosedispleasureIhaveheardyousooftendeplore.
YoumaythinkitimpossibleformetoreachLondonbythecanonicalhour.Ifitshould,theceremonymaybeperformedinyourownapartments,atanytimeintheday,oratnight:sothatCaptainTomlinsonmayhaveittoavertoyouruncle,thatitwasperformedonhisanniversary.
TellbuttheCaptain,thatyouforbidmenottoattendyou:andthatshallbesufficientforbringingtoyou,onthewingsoflove,
Yourever-gratefulandaffectionateLOVELACE.
LETTERXLIV
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TOMR.PATRICKM'DONALD,ATHISLODGINGS,ATMR.BROWN'S,PERUKE-MAKER,INST.MARTIN'SLANE,WESTMINSTERM.HALL,WEDN.MORNING,TWOO'CLOCK.
DEARM'DONALD,
Thebearerofthishasalettertocarrytothelady.*Ihavebeenatthetroubleofwritingacopyofit:whichIenclose,thatyoumaynotmistakeyourcue.
*SeetheprecedingLetter.
Youwilljudgeofmyreasonsforante-datingtheenclosedsealedone,*directedtoyoubythenameofTomlinson;whichyouaretoshowtothelady,asinconfidence.Youwillopenitofcourse.
*SeethenextLetter.
Idoubtnotyourdexterityandmanagement,dearM'Donald;noryourzeal;especiallyasthehopeofcohabitationmustnowbegivenup.Impossibletobecarriedisthatscheme.Imightbreakherheart,butnotinclineherwill--aminearnestthereforetomarryher,ifsheletnotthedayslip.
Improveuponthehintofhermother.Thatmaytouchher.ButJohnHarlowe,remember,hasprivatelyengagedthatlady--privately,Isay;else,(nottomentionthereasonforheruncleHarlowe'sformerexpedient,)youknow,shemightfindmeanstogetaletterawaytotheoneortotheother,toknowthetruth;ortoMissHowe,toengagehertoinquireintoit:and,ifsheshould,thewordprivatelywillaccountfortheuncle'sandmother'sdenyingit.
However,failnot,asfromme,tochargeourmotherandhernymphstoredoubletheirvigilancebothastoherpersonandletters.All'suponacrisisnow.Butshemustnotbetreatedillneither.
Thursdayover,Ishallknowwhattoresolveupon.
Ifnecessary,youmustassumeauthority.Thedevil'sin't,ifsuchagirlasthisshallaweamanofyouryearsandexperience.YouarenotinlovewithherasIam.Flyout,ifshedoubtyourhonour.Spiritsnaturallysoftmaybebeatoutoftheirplayandbornedown(thougheversomuchraised)byhigheranger.Allwomenarecowardsatbottom;onlyviolentwheretheymay.Ihaveoftenstormedagirloutofhermistrust,
andmadeheryield(beforesheknewwhereshewas)tothepointindignantlymistrusted;andthattomakeupwithme,thoughIwastheaggressor.
IfthismattersucceedasI'dhaveit,(orifnot,anddonotfailbyyourfault,)Iwilltakeyouoffthenecessityofpursuingyourcursedsmuggling;whichotherwisemayonedayendfatallyforyou.
Wearenoneofusperfect,M'Donald.Thissweetladymakesmeserioussometimesinspiteofmyheart.Butasprivatevicesarelessblamable
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thanpublic;anasIthinksmuggling(asitiscalled)anationalevil;Ihavenodoubttopronounceyouamuchworsemanthanmyself,andassuchshalltakepleasureinreformingyou.
Isendyouenclosedtenguineas,asasmallearnestoffurtherfavours.Hithertoyouhavebeenaverycleverfellow.
AstoclothesforThursday,Monmouth-streetwillaffordareadysupply.Clothesquitenewwouldmakeyourconditionsuspected.Butyoumaydeferthatcare,tillyouseeifshecanbeprevailedupon.Yourriding-dresswilldoforthefirstvisit.Norletyourbootsbeoverclean.Ihavealwaystoldyoutheconsequenceofattendingtotheminutiae,whereart(orimposture,astheill-manneredwouldcallit)isdesigned--yourlinenrumpledandsoily,whenyouwaituponher--easytermsthese--justcometotown--remember(asformerly)tololl,tothrowoutyourlegs,tostrokeandgraspdownyourruffles,asifofsignificanceenoughtobecareless.Whatthoughthepresenceofafineladywouldrequireadifferentbehaviour,areyounotofyearstodispensewithpoliteness?Youcanhavenodesignuponher,youknow.Youareafatheryourselfofdaughtersasoldasshe.Evermoreisparadeandobsequiousnesssuspectable:itmustshoweitherafoolishhead,oraknavishheart.Assumeairsofconsequencetherefore;andyouwillbetreatedasamanofconsequence.Ihaveoftenmorethanhalfruinedmyselfbymycomplaisance;and,beingafraidofcontroul,havebrought
controuluponmyself.IthinkIhavenomoretosayatpresent.IintendtobeatSlough,oronthewaytoit,asbyminetothelady.Adieu,honestM'Donald.
R.L.
LETTERXLV
TOCAPTAINTOMLINSON[ENCLOSEDINTHEPRECEDING;TOBESHOWNTOTHELADYASINCONFIDENCE.]
M.HALL,TUESDAYMORN.,JUNE27.
DEARCAPTAINTOMLINSON,
Anunhappymisunderstandinghasarisenbetweenthedearestladyintheworldandme(theparticularsofwhichsheperhapsmaygiveyou,butIwillnot,becauseImightbethoughtpartialtomyself;)andsherefusingtoanswermymostpressingandrespectfulletters;IamatamostperplexinguncertaintywhethershewillmeetusornotnextThursdaytosolemnize.
MyLordissoextremelyill,thatifIthoughtshewouldnotobligeme,
Iwoulddefergoinguptotownfortwoorthreedays.Hecaresnottohavemeoutofhissight:yetisimpatienttosalutemybelovedashisneice[sic]beforehedies.ThisIhavepromisedtogivehimanopportunitytodo:intending,ifthedearcreaturewillmakemehappy,tosetoutwithherforthisplacedirectlyfromchurch.
WithregretIspeakitofthecharmerofmysoul,thatirreconcilablenessisherfamily-fault--thelessexcusableindeedforher,assheherselfsuffersbyitinsohighadegreefromherownrelations.
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Now,Sir,asyouintendedtobeintownsometimebeforeThursday,ifitbenottoogreataninconveniencetoyou,Icouldbegladyouwouldgoupassoonaspossible,formysake:andthisIthemoreboldlyrequest,asIpresumethatamanwhohassomanygreataffairsofhisowninhandasyouhave,wouldbegladtobeatacertaintyastotheday.
You,Sir,cansopatheticallyandjustlysetbeforehertheunhappyconsequencesthatwillfollowifthedaybepostponed,aswellwithregardtoheruncle'sdisappointment,astothepartyouhaveassuredmehermotheriswillingtotakeinthewished-forreconciliation,thatIhavegreathopesshewillsufferherselftobeprevailedupon.Andamanandhorseshallbeinwaitingtotakeyourdispatchesandbringthemtome.
Butifyoucannotprevailinmyfavour,youwillbepleasedtosatisfyyourfriend,Mr.JohnHarlowe,thatitisnotmyfaultthatheisnotobliged.Iam,dearSir,
Yourextremelyobligedandfaithfulservant,R.LOVELACE.
LETTERXLVI
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WEDN.JUNE28,NEARTWELVEO'CLOCK.
HONOUREDSIR,
Ireceivedyour's,asyourservantdesiredmetoacquaintyou,bytenthismorning.Horseandmanwereinafoam.
Iinstantlyequippedmyself,asifcomeofffromajourney,andposted
awaytothelady,intendingtopleadgreataffairsthatIcamenotbefore,inordertofavouryourantedate;andlikewisetobeinahurry,tohaveapretencetohurryherladyship,andtotakenodenialforhergivingasatisfactoryreturntoyourmessenger.But,uponmyenteringMrs.Sinclair'shouse,Ifoundallinthegreatestconsternation.
Youmustnot,Sir,besurprised.Itisatroubletometobetherelaterofthebadnews;butsoitis--Theladyisgoneoff!ShewasmissedbuthalfanhourbeforeIcame.
Herwaiting-maidisrunaway,orhithertoisnottobefound:sothattheyconcludeitwasbyherconnivance.
Theyhadsent,beforeIcame,tomyhonouredmastersMr.Belton,Mr.Mowbray,andMr.Belford.Mr.Tourvilleisoutoftown.
HighwordsarepassingbetweenMadamSinclair,andMadamHorton,andMadamMartin;asalsowithDorcas.AndyourservantWilliamthreatenstohangordrownhimself.
TheyhavesenttoknowiftheycanhearofMabell,thewaiting-maid,athermother's,whoitseemslivesinChick-lane,West-Smithfield;andtoanuncleofher'salso,whokeepsanalehouseatCow-cross,hadby,and
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withwhomshelivedlast.
Yourmessengerhavingjustchangedhishorse,iscomeback:soIwillnotdetainhimlongerthantoadd,thatIam,withgreatconcernforthismisfortune,andthanksforyourseasonablefavourandkindintentionstowardsme--Iamsurethiswasnotmyfault--
HonouredSir,Yourmostobliged,humbleservant,PATRICKM'DONALD.
LETTERXLVII
MR.MOWBRAY,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WEDNESDAY,TWELVEO'CLOCK.
DEARLOVELACE,
Ihaveplaguynewstoacquainttheewith.MissHarloweisgoneoff!--Quitegone,bysoul!--Ihavenotimeforparticulars,yourservantbeinggoneoff.ButifIhad,wearenotyetcometothebottomofthematter.
Theladieshereareallblubberinglikedevills,accusingoneanothermostconfoundedly:whilstBeltonandIdamnthemalltogetherinthyname.
IfthoushouldsthearthatthyfellowWill.istakendeadoutofsomehorse-pond,andDorcascutdownfromherbed'steaster,fromdanglinginherowngarters,benotsurprised.Here'sthedeviltopay.NobodyserenebutJackBelford,whoistakingminutesofexaminations,accusations,andconfessions,withthesignificantairofaMiddlesexJustice;andintendstowriteatlargeallparticulars,Isuppose.
Iheartilycondolewiththee:sodoesBelton.Butitmayturnoutforthebest:forsheisgoneawaywiththymarks,Iunderstand.Afoolish
littledevill!Wherewillshemendherself?fornobodywilllookuponher.Andtheytellmethatthouwouldstcertainlyhavemarriedher,hadshestaid.ButIknowtheebetter.
DearBobby,adieu.IfLordM.willdienow,tocomforttheeforthisloss,whataseasonableexitwouldhemake!Let'shavealetterfromthee.Pr'ytheedo.Thoucan'stwritedevill-liketoBelford,whoshewsusnothingatall.Thineheartily,
RD.MOWBRAY.
LETTERXLVIII
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.THURSDAY,JUNE29.
ThouhastheardfromM'DonaldandMowbraythenews.Badorgood,Iknownotwhichthou'ltdeemit.IonlywishIcouldhavegiventheejoyuponthesameaccount,beforetheunhappyladywasseducedfromHampstead;forthenofwhatanungratefulvillanyhadstthoubeensparedthe
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perpetration,whichnowthouhasttoanswerfor!
Icametotownpurelytoservetheewithher,expectingthatthynextwouldsatisfymethatImightendeavouritwithoutdishonour.AndatfirstwhenIfoundhergone,Ihalfpitiedthee;fornowwiltthoubeinevitablyblownup:andinwhatanexecrablelightwiltthouappeartoalltheworld!--PoorLovelace!caughtinthyownsnares!thypunishmentisbutbeginning.
Buttomynarrative:forIsupposethouexpectestallparticularsfromme,sinceMowbrayhasinformedtheethatIhavebeencollectingthem.
'ThenobleexertionofspiritshehasmadeonFridaynight,had,itseems,greatlydisorderedher;insomuchthatshewasnotvisibletillSaturdayevening;whenMabellsawher;andsheseemedtobeveryill:butonSundaymorning,havingdressedherself,asifdesigningtogotochurch,sheorderedMabelltogetheracoachtothedoor.
'Thewenchtoldher,Shewastoobeyherineverythingbutthecallingofacoachorchair,orinrelationtoletters.
'ShesentforWill.andgavehimthesamecommand.
'Hepleadedhismaster'sorderstothecontrary,anddesiredtobe
excused.'Uponthis,downshewent,herself,andwouldhavegoneoutwithoutobservation;butfindingthestreet-doordouble-locked,andthekeynotinthelock,shesteptintothestreet-parlour,andwouldhavethrownupthesashtocallouttothepeoplepassingby,astheydoubtednot:butthat,sinceherlastattemptofthesamenature,hadbeenfasteneddown.
'HereuponsheresolutelysteptintoMrs.Sinclair'sparlourintheback-house;whereweretheolddevilandhertwopartners;anddemandedthekeyofthestreet-door,ortohaveitopenedforher.
'Theywereallsurprised;butdesiredtobeexcused,andpleadedyour
orders.
'Sheasserted,thatyouhadnoauthorityoverher;andnevershouldhaveany:thattheirpresentrefusalwastheirownactanddeed:shesawtheintentoftheirbackhouse,andthereasonofputtingherthere:shepleadedherconditionandfortune;andsaid,theyhadnowaytoavoidutterruin,butbyopeningtheirdoorstoher,orbymurderingher,andburyingherintheirgardenorcellar,toodeepfordetection:thatalreadywhathadbeendonetoherwaspunishablebydeath:andbidthemattheirperildetainher.'
Whatanoble,whatarightspirithasthischarmingcreature,incasesthatwilljustifyanexertionofspirit!--
'TheyansweredthatMr.Lovelacecouldprovehismarriage,andwouldindemnifythem.AndtheyallwouldhavevindicatedtheirbehaviouronFridaynight,andthereputationoftheirhouse.Butrefusingtohearthemonthattopic,sheflungfromthemthreatening.
'Shethenwentuphalfadozenstairsinherwaytoherownapartment:but,asifshehadbethoughtherself,downshesteptagain,andproceededtowardsthestreet-parlour;saying,asshepassedbytheinfamousDorcas,I'llmakemyselfprotectors,thoughthewindowssuffer.Butthatwench,
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ofherownhead,onthelady'sgoingoutofthatparlourtoMrs.Sinclair's,hadlockedthedoor,andtakenoutthekey:sothatfindingherselfdisappointed,sheburstintotears,andwentsobbingandmenacingupstairsagain.
'Shemadenootherattempttilltheeffectualone.Yourlettersandmessages,theysuppose,comingsofastupononeanother(thoughshewouldnotansweroneofthem)gavehersomeamusement,andanassurancetothem,thatshewouldatlastforgiveyou;andthatthenallwouldendasyouwished.
'Thewomen,inpursuanceofyourorders,offerednottoobtrudethemselvesuponher;andDorcasalsokeptoutofhersightalltherestofSunday;alsoonMondayandTuesday.Butbythelady'scondescension,(eventofamiliarity)toMabell,theyimagined,thatshemustbeworkinginhermindallthattimetogetaway.Theythereforeredoubledtheircautionstothewench;whotoldthemsofaithfullyallthatpassedbetweenherladyandher,thattheyhadnodoubtofherfidelitytoherwickedtrust.
''Tisprobableshemighthavebeencontrivingsomethingallthistime;butsawnoroomforperfectinganyscheme.Thecontrivancebywhichsheeffectedherescapeseemstomenottohavebeenfallenupontilltheveryday;sinceitdependedpartlyupontheweather,asitproved.But
itisevidentshehopedsomethingfromMabell'ssimplicity,orgratitude,orcompassion,bycultivatingallthetimehercivilitytoher.
'PollywaitedonherearlyonWednesdaymorning;andmetwithabetterreceptionthanshehadreasontoexpect.Shecomplainedhowever,withwarmth,ofherconfinement.Pollysaidtherewouldbeanhappyendtoit(ifitwereaconfinement,)nextday,shepresumed.Sheabsolutelydeclaredtothecontrary,inthewayPollymeantit;andsaid,ThatMr.Lovelace,onhisreturn[whichlookedasifsheintendedtowaitforit]shouldhavereasontorepenttheordershehadgiven,astheyallshouldtheirobservanceofthem:lethimsendtwentyletters,shewouldnotanswerone,betheconsequencewhatitwould;norgivehimhopeoftheleastfavour,whileshewasinthathouse.ShehadgivenMrs.Sinclair
andthemselvesfairwarning,shesaid:noordersofanotheroughttomakethemdetainafreeperson:buthavingmadeanopenattempttogo,andbeendetainedbythem,shewasthecalmer,shetoldPolly;letthemlooktotheconsequence.
'Butyetshespokethiswithtemper;andPollygaveitasheropinion,(withapprehensionfortheirownsafety,)thathavingsogoodahandletopunishthemall,shewouldnotgoawayifshemight.Andwhat,inferredPolly,istheindemnityofamanwhohascommittedthevilestofrapesonapersonofcondition;andmusthimself,ifprosecutedforit,eitherfly,orbehanged?
'Sinclair,[soIwillstillcallher,]uponthisrepresentationofPolly,
foresaw,shesaid,theruinofherpoorhouseintheissueofthisstrangebusiness;andtheinfamousSallyandDorcasboretheirpartsintheapprehension:andthisputthemuponthinkingitadvisableforthefuture,thatthestreet-doorshouldgenerallyintheday-timebeonlyleftuponabolt-latch,astheycalledit,whichanybodymightopenontheinside;andthatthekeyshouldbekeptinthedoor;thattheirnumerouscomersandgoers,astheycalledtheirguests,shouldbeabletogiveevidence,thatshemighthavegoneoutifshewould:notforgetting,however,torenewtheirorderstoWill.toDorcas,toMabell,andtherest,toredoubletheirvigilanceonthisoccasion,topreventher
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escape:noneofthemdoubting,atthesametime,thatherloveofamansoconsiderableintheireyes,andtheprospectofwhatwastohappen,asshehadreasontobelieve,onThursday,heruncle'sbirth-day,would(thoughperhapsnottillthelasthour,forherpridesake,wastheirword)engagehertochangehertemper.
'Theybelieve,thatshediscoveredthekeytobeleftinthedoor;forshewasdownmorethanoncetowalkinthelittlegarden,andseemedtocasthereyeeachtimetothestreet-door.
'Abouteightyesterdaymorning,anhourafterPollyhadlefther,shetoldMabell,shewassuresheshouldnotlivelong;andhavingagoodmanysuitsofapparel,whichafterherdeathwouldbeofnousetoanybodyshevalued,shewouldgiveherabrownlustringgown,which,withsomealterationstomakeitmoresuitabletoherdegree,wouldagreatwhileserveherforaSundaywear;forthatshe(Mabell)wastheonlypersoninthathouseofwhomshecouldthinkwithoutterrororantipathy.
'Mabellexpressinghergratitudeupontheoccasion,theladysaid,shehadnothingtoemployherselfabout,andifshecouldgetaworkwomandirectly,shewouldlookoverherthingsthen,andgiveherwhatsheintendedforher.
'Hermistress'smantua-maker,themaidreplied,livedbutalittleway
off:andshedoubtednotthatshecouldprocureher,oroneofthejourney-womentoalterthegownoutofhand.
'Iwillgiveyoualso,saidshe,aquiltedcoat,whichwillrequirebutlittlealteration,ifany;foryouaremuchaboutmystature:butthegownIwillgivedirectionsabout,becausethesleevesandtherobingsandfacingsmustbealteredforyourwear,being,Ibelieve,aboveyourstation:andtry,saidshe,ifyoucangettheworkwoman,andwe'lladviseaboutit.Ifshecannotcomenow,lethercomeintheafternoon;butIhadrathernow,becauseitwillamusemetogiveyoualift.
'Thensteppingtothewindow,itrains,saidshe,[andsoithaddoneallthemorning:]sliponthehoodandshortcloakIhaveseenyouwear,and
cometomewhenyouarereadytogoout,becauseyoushallbringmeinsomethingthatIwant.
'Mabellequippedherselfaccordingly,andreceivedhercommandstobuyhersometrifles,andthenlefther;butinherwayout,steptintothebackparlour,whereDorcaswaswithMrs.Sinclair,tellingherwhereshewasgoing,andonwhataccount,biddingDorcaslookouttillshecameback.Sofaithfulasthewenchtothetrustreposedinher,andsolittlehadthelady'sgenerositywroughtuponher.
'Mrs.Sinclaircommendedher;Dorcasenviedher,andtookhercue:andMabellsoonreturnedwiththemantua-maker'sjourney-woman;(sheresolved,shesaid,butshewouldnotcomewithouther);andthenDorcas
wentoffguard.
'Theladylookedoutthegownandpetticoat,andbeforetheworkwomancausedMabelltotryiton;and,thatitmightfitthebetter,madethewillingwenchpulloffherupper-petticoat,andputonthatshegaveher.ThenshebidthemgointoMr.Lovelace'sapartment,andcontriveaboutitbeforethepier-glassthere,andstaytillshecametothem,togivethemheropinion.
'Mabellwouldhavetakenherownclothes,andhood,andshortcloakwith
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her:butherladysaid,Nomatter;youmayputthemonagainhere,whenwehaveconsideredaboutthealterations:there'snooccasiontolittertheotherroom.
'Theywent;andinstantly,asitissupposed,shesliptonMabell'sgownandpetticoatoverherown,whichwaswhitedamask,andputonthewench'shood,shortcloak,andordinaryapron,anddownshewent.
'Hearingsomebodytrippingalongthepassage,bothWill.andDorcaswhipttotheinner-halldoor,andsawher;but,takingherforMabell,Areyougoingfar,Mabell?criedWill.
'Withoutturningherface,oranswering,sheheldoutherhand,pointingtothestairs;whichtheyconstruedasacautionforthemtolookoutinherabsence;andsupposingshewouldnotbelonggone,asshehadnotinform,repeatedhercautiontothem,upwentWill,tarryingatthestairs-headinexpectationofthesupposedMabell'sreturn.
'Mabellandtheworkwomanwaitedagoodwhile,amusingthemselvesnotdisagreeably,theonewithcontrivinginthewayofherbusiness,theotherdelightingherselfwithherfinegownandcoat.Butatlast,wonderingtheladydidnotcomeintothem,Mabelltiptoedittoherdoor,andtapping,andnotbeinganswered,steptintothechamber.
'Will.atthatinstant,fromhisstationatthestairs-head,seeingMabellinherlady'sclothes;forhehadbeentoldofthepresent,[giftstoservantsflyfromservanttoservantinaminute,]wasverymuchsurprised,having,ashethought,justseenhergooutinherown;andsteppingup,metheratthedoor.Howthedevilcanthisbe?saidhe:justnowyouwentoutinyourowndress!Howcameyouhereinthis?andhowcouldyoupassmeunseen?butnevertheless,kissingher,said,hewouldnowbraghehadkissedhislady,oroneinherclothes.
'Iamglad,Mr.William,criedMabell,toseeyouheresodiligently.Butknowyouwheremyladyis?
'Inmymaster'sapartment,answeredWill.Isshenot?Wasshenot
talkingwithyouthismoment?
'No,that'sMrs.Dolins'sjourney-woman.
'Theybothstoodaghast,astheysaid;Will,againrecollectinghehadseenMabell,ashethought,gooutinherownclothes.Andwhiletheyweredebatingandwondering,upcomesDorcaswithyourfourthletter,justthenbroughtforthelady,andseeingMabelldressedout,(whomshehadlikewisebeheldalittlebefore),asshesupposed,inhercommonclothes;shejoinedinthewonder;tillMabell,re-enteringthelady'sapartment,missedherownclothes;andthensuspectingwhathadhappened,andlettingtheothersintothegroundofthesuspicion,theyallagreedthatshehadcertainlyescaped.Andthenfollowedsuchanuproarof
mutualaccusation,andyoushouldhavedonethis,andyouhavedonethat,asalarmedthewholehouse;everyapartmentinbothhousesgivingupitsdevil,tothenumberoffourteenorfifteen,includingthemotherandherpartners.
'Will.toldthemhisstory;andthenranout,asonthelikeoccasionformerly,tomakeinquirywhethertheladywasseenbyanyofthecoachmen,chairmen,orporters,plyinginthatneighbourhood:whileDorcasclearedherselfimmediately,andthatatthepoorMabell'sexpense,whomadeafigureasguiltyasawkward,havingonthesuspected
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priceofhertreachery;whichDorcas,outofenvy,wasreadytotearfromherback.
'Hereuponallthepackopenedatthepoorwench,whilethemotherfoamedatthemouth,bellowedoutherordersforseizingthesuspectedoffender;whocouldneitherbeheardinherowndefence,norhadshebeenheard,wouldhavebeenbelieved.
'Thatsuchaperfidiouswretchshouldeverdisgraceherhouse,wasthemother'scry;goodpeoplemightbecorrupted;butitwasafinethingifsuchahouseasher'scouldnotbefaithfullyservedbycursedcreatureswhowerehiredknowingthebusinesstheyweretobeemployedin,andwhohadnopretencetoprinciple!--D--nher,thewretchproceeded!--Shehadnopatiencewithher!callthecook,andcallthescullion!
'Theywereathand.
'See,thatguiltypyeballdevil,washerword--(herlady'sgownuponherback)--butI'llpunishherforawarningtoallbetrayersoftheirtrust.Putonthegreatgridironthismoment,[anoathoracurseateveryword:]makeuparoaringfire--thecleaverbringmethisinstant--I'llcutherintoquarterswithmyownhands;andcarbonadeandbroilthetraitressforafeasttoallthedogsandcatsintheneighbourhood,andeatthefirstsliceofthetoadmyself,withoutsaltorpepper.
'ThepoorMabell,frightedoutofherwits,expectedeverymomenttobetorninpieces,havinghalfascoreopen-clawedpawsuponherallatonce.Shepromisedtoconfessall.Butthatall,whenshehadobtainedahearing,wasnothing:fornothinghadshetoconfess.
'Sally,hereuponwithacurseofmercy,orderedhertoretire;undertakingthatsheandPollywouldexamineherthemselves,thattheymightbeabletowriteallparticularstohishonour;andthen,ifshecouldnotclearherself,or,ifguilty,givesomeaccountofthelady,(whohadbeensowickedastogivethemallthistrouble,)soastheymightgetheragain,thenthecleaverandgridironmightgotoworkwithalltheirheart.
'Thewench,gladofthisreprieve,wentupstairs;andwhileSallywaslayingoutthelaw,andpratingawayinherusualdictorialmanner,whiptonanothergown,andslidingdownthestairs,escapedtoherrelations.Andthisflight,whichwascertainlymoreowingtoterrorthanguilt,was,inthetrueOldBaileyconstruction,madeaconfirmationofthelatter.'
***
ThesearetheparticularsofMissHarlowe'sflight.Thou'lthardlythink
metoominute.--HowIlongtotriumphoverthyimpatienceandfuryontheoccasion!
Letmebeseechthee,mydearLovelace,inthynextletter,toravemostgloriously!--Ishallbegrievouslydisappointedifthoudostnot.
***
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Where,Lovelace,canthepoorladybegone?Andwhocandescribethedistressshemustbein?
Bythyformerletters,itmaybesupposed,thatshecanhaveverylittlemoney:nor,bythesuddennessofherflight,moreclothesthanthoseshehason.Andthouknowestwhooncesaid,*'Herparentswillnotreceiveher.Heruncleswillnotentertainher.HerNortonisintheirdirection,andcannot.MissHowedarenot.Shehasnotonefriendorintimateintown--entirelyastrangertoit.'And,letmeadd,hasbeendespoiledofherhonourbythemanforwhomshehadmadeallthesesacrifices;andwhostoodboundtoherbyathousandoathsandvows,tobeherhusband,herprotector,andfriend!
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXXI.
Howstrongmustbeherresentmentofthebarbaroustreatmentshehasreceived!howworthyofherself,thatithasmadeherhatethemansheonceloved!and,ratherthanmarryhim,choosetoexposeherdisgracetothewholeworld:toforegothereconciliationwithherfriendswhichherheartwassosetupon:andtohazardathousandevilstowhichheryouthandhersexmaytooprobablyexposeanindigentandfriendlybeauty!
Rememberestthounotthathomepushuponthee,inoneofthepaperswritteninherdelirium;ofwhich,howeveritsavoursnot?----
Iwillassurethee,thatIhaveveryoftensincemostseriouslyreflecteduponit:andasthyintendedsecondoutrageconvincesmethatitmadenoimpressionupontheethen,andperhapsthouhastneverthoughtofitsince,Iwilltranscribethesentence.
'If,asreligionteachesus,Godwilljudgeus,inagreatmeasure!byourbenevolentorevilactionstooneanother--Owretch!bethinkthee,intimebethinkthee,howgreatmustbethycondemnation.'*
*SeeVol.VI.LetterXVI.
Andisthisamiabledoctrinethesumofreligion?Uponmyfaith,believeitis.For,toindulgeaseriousthought,sincewearenotatheists,exceptinpractice,doesGod,theBEINGofBeings,wantanythingofusforHIMSELF!Anddoeshenotenjoinusworksofmercytooneanother,asthemeanstoobtainhismercy?Asublimeprinciple,andworthyoftheSUPREMESUPERINTENDENTandFATHERofallthings!--Butifwearetobejudgedbythisnobleprinciple,what,indeed,mustbethycondemnationonthescoreofthisladyonly?andwhatmine,andwhatallourconfraternity's,onthescoreofotherwomen:thoughwearenoneofushalfsobadasthouart,aswellforwantofinclination,Ihope,as
ofopportunity!
Imustadd,that,aswellforthyownsake,asforthelady's,Iwishyewereyettobemarriedtoeachother.Itistheonlymediumthatcanbehitupontosalvethehonourofboth.Allthat'spastmayyetbeconcealedfromtheworld,andfromallhersufferings,ifthouresolvesttobeatenderandkindhusbandtoher.
Andifthisreallybethyintention,Iwillacceptwithpleasureofacommissionfromtheethatshalltendtopromotesogoodanend,whenever
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shecanbefound;thatistosay,ifshewilladmittoherpresenceamanwhoprofessesfriendshiptothee.NorcanIgiveagreaterdemonstration,thatIam
Thysincerefriend,J.BELFORD.
P.S.Mabell'sclotheswerethrownintothepassagethismorning:nobodyknowsbywhom.
LETTERXLIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAY,JUNE30.
Iamruined,undone,blownup,destroyed,andworsethanannihilated,that'scertain!--Butwasnotthenewsshockingenough,dostthouthink,withoutthythrowingintothetoo-weightyscalereproaches,whichthoucouldsthavehadnoopportunitytomakebutformyownvoluntarycommunications?atatimetoo,when,asitfallsout,Ihaveanotherverysensibledisappointmenttostrugglewith?
Iimagine,iftherebesuchathingasfuturepunishment,itmustbenoneofthesmallestmortifications,thatanewdevilshallbepunishedbyaworseoldone.And,takethat!And,takethat!tohavetheoldsatyrcrytothescreamingsufferer,layingonwithacat-o'-nine-tails,withastarofburningbrassattheendofeach:and,forwhat!forwhat!---Why,ifthetruthmaybefairlytold,fornotbeingsobadadevilasmyself.
Thouart,surely,casuistgoodenoughtoknow,(whatIhaveinsistedupon*heretofore,)thatthesinofseducingacredulousandeasygirl,isasgreatasthatofbringingtoyourlureanincredulousandwatchfulone.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXVII.
HoweverungenerousanappearancewhatIamgoingtosaymayhavefrommypen,letmetellthee,thatifsuchawomanasMissHarlowechosetoenterintothematrimonialstate,[Iamresolvedtodisappointtheeinthymeditatedtriumphovermyrageanddespair!]and,accordingtotheoldpatriarchalsystem,togooncontributingtogetsonsanddaughters,withnootherviewthantobringthemuppiously,andtobegoodandusefulmembersofthecommonwealth,whatadevilhadshetodo,toletherfancyrunagaddingafterarake?onewhomsheknewtobearake?
Oh!buttrulyshehopedtohavethemeritofreclaiminghim.Shehadformedprettynotionshowcharmingitwouldlooktohaveapenitentofherownmakingdanglingathersideatchurch,throughanapplaudingneighbourhood:and,astheirfamilyincreased,marchingwithherthither,attheheadoftheirboysandgirls,processionally,asitwere,boastingofthefruitsoftheirhonestdesires,asmygoodlordbishophasitinhislicense.Andthen,whatacomelysight,allkneelingdowntogetherinonepew,accordingtoeldershipaswehaveseenineffigy,awholefamilyuponsomeoldmonument,wherethehonestchevalierinarmourispresentedkneeling,withup-liftedhands,andhalfadozenjolter-headed
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crop-earedboysbehindhim,rangedgradatim,orstep-fashionaccordingtoageandsize,allinthesameposture--facinghispiousdame,witharuffaboutherneck,andasmanywhey-facedgirlsallkneelingbehindher:analtarbetweenthem,andanopenbookuponit:overtheirheadssemiluminaryraysdartingfromgildedclouds,surroundinganachievement-motto,INCOELOSALUS--orQUIES--perhaps,iftheyhavehappenedtolivetheusualmarriedlifeofbrawlandcontradiction.
ItiscertainlyasmuchmymisfortunetohavefalleninwithMissClarissaHarlowe,wereItohavevaluedmyreputationorease,asitisthatofMissHarlowetohavebeenacquaintedwithme.And,afterall,whathaveIdonemorethanprosecutethemaxim,bywhichthouandIandeveryrakearegoverned,andwhich,beforeIknewthislady,wehavepursuedfromprettygirltoprettygirl,asfastaswehavesetonedown,takinganotherup;--justasthefellowsdowiththeirflyingcoachesandflyinghorsesatacountryfair----withaWhoridesnext!Whoridesnext!
Buthereinthepresentcase,tocarryonthevolantmetaphor,(forImusteitherbemerry,ormad,)isaprettylittlemissjustcomeoutofherhanging-sleeve-coat,broughttobuyaprettylittlefairing;fortheworld,Jack,isbutagreatfair,thouknowest;and,togivetheeseriousreflectionforserious,allitsjoysbuttinselledhobby-horses,giltgingerbread,squeakingtrumpets,painteddrums,andsoforth.
Nowbeholdthisprettylittlemissskimmingfromboothtobooth,inaveryprettymanner.OneprettylittlefellowcalledWyerley,perhaps;anotherjiggetingrascalcalledBiron,athirdsimperingvarletofthenameofSymmes,andamorehideousvillainthananyofthereset,withalongbagunderhisarm,andparchmentsettlementstaggedtohisheels,yelpedSolmes:pursueherfromraree-showtoraree-show,shoulderingupononeanotherateveryturn,stoppingwhenshestops,andsetaspinningagainwhenshemoves.Andthusdangledafter,butstillintheeyeofherwatchfulguardians,traversestheprettylittlemissthroughthewholefair,equallydelightedanddelighting:tillatlast,takenwiththeinvitationofthelaced-hatorator,andseeingseveralprettylittlebib-wearersstucktogetherintheflying-coaches,cuttingsafelythe
yieldingair,intheone-go-uptheothergo-downpicture-of-the-worldvehicle,andallwithaslittlefearaswit,istemptedtoridenext.
Inthensupposesheslilypops,whennoneofherfriendsarenearher:Andif,aftertwoorthreeupsanddowns,herprettyheadturnsgiddy,andshethrowsherselfoutofthecoachwhenatitselevation,andsodashesoutherprettylittlebrains,whocanhelpit?--Andwouldyouhangthepoorfellow,whoseprofessedtradeitwastosettheprettylittlecreatureaflying?
'Tistrue,thisprettylittlemiss,beingaveryprettylittlemiss,beingaverymuch-admiredlittlemiss,beingaverygoodlittlemiss,whoalwaysmindedherbook,andhadpassedthroughhersampler-doctrinewith
highapplause;hadevenstitchedout,ingaudyproprietyofcolors,anAbrahamofferingupIsaac,aSampsonandthePhilistines;andflowers,andknots,andtrees,andthesunandthemoon,andthesevenstars,allhungupinframeswithglassesbeforethem,fortheadmirationofherfuturegrandchildren:wholikewisewasentitledtoaveryprettylittleestate:whowasdescendedfromaprettylittlefamilyupwardsofonehundredyearsgentility;whichlivedinaveryprettylittlemanner,respectedaverylittleontheirownaccounts,agreatdealonher's:----
Forsuchaprettylittlemissasthistocometosogreatamisfortune,
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mustbeaverysadthing:But,tellme,wouldnotthelosingofanyordinarychild,ofanyotherlessconsiderablefamily,orlessshiningoramiablequalities,havebeenasgreatandheavyalosstothatfamily,asthelosingthisprettylittlemisscouldbetoher's?
Todescendtoaverylowinstance,andthatonlyastopersonality;hastthouanydoubt,thatthystrong-muscledbony-facedwasasmuchadmiredbythymother,asifithadbeenthefaceofaLovelace,oranyotherhandsomefellow?Andhadthypicturebeendrawn,wouldshehaveforgiventhepainter,hadhenotexpressedsoexactlythylineaments,asthateveryoneshouldhavediscernedthelikeness?Thehandsomelikenessisallthatiswishedfor.Uglinessmadefamiliartous,withthepartialitynaturaltofondparents,willbebeautyalltheworldover.--Dothouapply.
But,alas!Jack,allthisisbutacopyofmycountenance,drawntoevadethymalice!--Thoughitanswerthyunfriendlypurposetoownit,Icannotforbeartoownit,thatIamstungtotheverysoulwiththisunhappy--accident,mustIcallit!--HaveInobody,whosethroat,eitherforcarelessnessortreachery,Ioughttocut,inordertopacifymyvengeance?
WhenIreflectuponmylastiniquitousintention,thefirstoutragesonoblyresented,aswellas,sofarasshewasable,sonoblyresisted,I
cannotbutconclude,thatIwasunderthepoweroffascinationfromtheseaccursedCirces;who,pretendingtoknowtheirownsex,wouldhaveit,thatthereisineverywomanayielding,oraweak-resistingmomenttobemetwith:andthatyet,andyet,andyet,Ihadnottriedenough;butthat,ifneitherlovenorterrorshouldenablemetohitthatluckymoment,when,byhelpoftheircursedarts,shewasonceovercome,shewouldbeforeverovercome:--appealingtoallmyexperience,toallmyknowledgeofthesex,forjustificationoftheirassertion.
Myappealtoexperience,Iown,wasbuttoofavourabletotheirargument:FordostthouthinkIcouldhaveheldmypurposeagainstsuchanangelasthis,hadIeverbeforemetwithawomansomuchinearnesttodefendherhonouragainsttheunweariedartificesandperseveranceofthemanshe
loved?Whythenweretherenotmoreexamplesofavirtuesoimmovable?Or,whywasthissingularonetofalltomylot?exceptindeedtodoublemyguilt;andatthesametimetoconvinceallthatshouldhearherstory,thatthereareangelsaswellasdevilsintheflesh?
Somuchforconfession;andforthesakeofhumouringmyconscience;withaviewlikewisetodisarmthymalicebyacknowledgement:sincenooneshallsayworseofme,thanIwillofmyselfonthisoccasion.
OnethingIwillneverthelessadd,toshowthesincerityofmycontrition--'Tisthis,thatifthoucanstbyanymeansfindheroutwithinthesethreedays,oranytimebeforeshehasdiscoveredthestoriesrelatingtoCaptainTomlinsonandheruncletobewhattheyare;andifthoucanst
prevailuponhertoconsent,Iwillactually,inthypresenceandhis,(hetorepresentheruncle,)marryher.
Iamstillinhopesitmaybeso--shecannotbelongconcealed--Ihavealreadysetallenginesatworktofindherout!andifIdo,whatindifferentpersons,[andnooneofherfriends,asthouobservest,willlookuponher,]willcaretoembroilthemselveswithamanofmyfigure,fortune,andresolution?Showherthispart,then,oranyotherpartofthisletter,asthyowndiscretion,ifthoucanstfindher:for,afterall,methinks,Iwouldbegladthatthisaffair,whichisbadenoughin
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itself,shouldgooffwithoutworsepersonalconsequencestoanybodyelse:andyetitrunsinmymind,Iknownotwhy,that,soonerorlateritwilldrawafewdropsofbloodafterit;exceptsheandIcanmakeitupbetweenourselves.Andthismaybeanotherreasonwhysheshouldnotcarryherresentmenttoofar--notthatsuchanaffairwouldgivememuchconcernneither,wereItochooseanymanofmen,forIheartilyhateallherfamily,butherself;andevershall.
***
Letmeadd,thatthelady'splottoescapeappearstomenoextraordinaryone.Therewasmuchmoreluckthanprobabilitythatitshoulddo:since,tomakeitsucceed,itwasnecessarythatDorcasandWill.,andSinclairandhernymphs,shouldbealldeceived,orofftheirguard.Itbelongstome,whenIseethem,togivethemmyheartythanksthattheywere;andthattheirselfishcaretoprovidefortheirownfuturesecurity,shouldinducethemtoleavetheiroutwarddoorupontheirbolt-latch,andbecurs'dtothem.
Mabelldeservesapitchsuitandabonfire,ratherthanthelustring;andasherclothesarereturned,lethelady'sbeputtoherothers,tobesenttoherwhenitcanbetoldwhither--butnottillIgivetheword
neither;forwemustgetthedearfugitivebackagainifpossible.Isupposethatmystupidvillain,whoknewnotsuchagoddess-shapedladywithamiensonoble,fromtheawkwardandbent-shoulderedMabell,hasbeenatHampsteadtoseeafterher.AndyetIhardlythinkshewouldgothither.Heoughttogothrougheverystreetwherebillsforlodgingsareup,toinquireafteranew-comer.Thehousesofsuchasdealinwomen'smatters,andtea,coffee,andsuch-like,arethosetobeinquiredatforher.Ifsometidingsbenotquicklyheardofher,IwouldnothaveeitherDorcas,Will.,orMabell,appearinmysight,whatevertheirsuperiorsthinkfittodo.
This,thoughwrittenincharacter,isaverylongletter,consideringit
isnotanarrativeone,orajournalofproceedings,likemostofmyformer;forsuchwillunavoidablyandnaturally,asImaysay,runintolength.ButIhavesousedmyselftowriteagreatdealoflate,thatIknownothowtohelpit.YetImustaddtoitslength,inordertoexplainmyselfonahintIgaveatthebeginningofit;whichwas,thatIhaveanotherdisappointment,besidesthisofMissHarlowe'sescape,tobemoan.
Andwhatdostthouthinkitis?Why,theoldPeer,poxofhistoughconstitution,(forthatmaladywouldhavehelpedhimon,)hasmadeshiftbyfireandbrimstone,andthedevilknowswhat,toforcethegouttoquitthecounterscarpofhisstomach,justasithadcollectedallitsstrength,inordertostormthecitadelofhisheart.Inshort,they
have,bythemereforceofstink-pots,hand-granades,andpop-guns,driventheslow-workingpioneerquiteoutofthetrunkintotheextremities;andthereitliesnibblingandgnawinguponhisgreattoe;whenIhadafairendofthedistemperandthedistempered.
ButI,whocouldwritetotheeoflaudanum,andthewetcloth,formerly,yetlet8000£.ayearslipthroughmyfingers,whenIhadentereduponitmorethaninimagination,[forIhadbeguntoaskthestewardsquestions,andtohearthemtalkoffinesandrenewals,andsuchsortofstuff,]deservetobemortified.
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Thoucanstnotimaginehowdifferentlytheservants,andevenmycousins,lookuponme,sinceyesterday,towhattheydidbefore.Neithertheonenortheotherboworcourtesyhalfsolow--noramIaquartersooftenhishonourandyourhonour,asIwaswithinthesefewhours,withtheformer:andastothelatter--itiscousinBobbyagain,withtheusualfamiliarity,insteadofSir,andSir,andIfyouplease,Mr.Lovelace.Andnowtheyhavetheinsolencetocongratulatemeontherecoveryofthebestofuncles;whileIamforcedtoseemasmuchdelightedasthey,when,woulditdomegood,Icouldsitdownandcrymyeyesout.
Ihadbespokemymourninginimagination,aftertheexampleofacertainforeignminister,who,beforethedeath,orevenlastillnessofCharlesII.,ashonestWhiteKennettellsus,hadhalfexhaustedBlackwell-hallofitssables--anindication,asthehistorianwouldinsinuate,thatthemonarchwastobepoisoned,andtheambassadorinthesecret.--Andyet,foolthatIwas,Icouldnottakethehint--Whatthedevildoesamanreadhistoryfor,ifhecannotprofitbytheexampleshefindinit?
Butthus,Jack,isanobservationoftheoldPeer'sverified,thatonemisfortuneseldomcomesalone:andsoconcludes
ThydoublymortifiedLOVELACE.
LETTERL
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEWEDNESDAYNIGHT,JUNE28.
OMYDEARESTMISSHOWE!
OncemorehaveIescaped--But,alas!I,mybestself,havenotescaped!--Oh!yourpoorClarissaHarlowe!youalsowillhateme,Ifear!----
Yetyouwon't,whenyouknowall!
Butnomoreofmyself!mylostself.Youthatcanriseinamorningtobeblest,andtobless;andgotorestdelightedwithyourownreflections,andinyourunbroken,unstartingslumbers,conversingwithsaintsandangels,theformeronlymorepurethanyourself,astheyhaveshakenofftheincumbranceofbody;youshallbemysubject,asyouhavelong,long,beenmyonlypleasure.Andletme,atawfuldistance,reveremybelovedAnnaHowe,andinherreflectuponwhatherClarissaHarloweoncewas!
***
Forgive,Oforgivemyrambling.Mypeaceisdestroyed.Myintellectsaretouched.Andwhatflightynonsensemustyouread,ifyounowwillvouchsafetocorrespondwithme,asformerly!
Omybest,mydearest,myonlyfriend!whatatalehaveItounfold!--Butstilluponself,thisvile,thishatedself!--Iwillshakeitoff,ifpossible;andwhyshouldInot,sinceIthink,exceptonewretch,Ihate
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nothingsomuch?Self,then,bebanishedfromselfonemoment(forIdoubtitwillbefornolonger)toinquireafteradearerobject,mybelovedAnnaHowe!--whosemind,allrobedinspotlesswhite,charmsandirradiates--ButwhatwouldIsay?----
***
Andhow,mydearestfriend,afterthisrhapsody,whichonre-perusal,Iwouldnotletgo,buttoshowyouwhatadistractedminddictatestomytremblingpen!Howdoyou?Youhavebeenveryill,itseems.Thatyouarerecovered,mydear,letmehear.Thatyourmotheriswell,prayletmehear,andhearquickly.Thiscomfortsurelyisowingtome;foriflifeisnoworsethanchequer-work,Imustnowhavealittlewhitetocome,havingseennothingbutblack,allunchequereddismalblack,foragreat,greatwhile.
***
Andwhatisallthiswildincoherencefor?Itisonlytobegtoknowhowyouhavebeen,andhowyoudonow,byalinedirectedforMrs.Rachel
Clark,atMr.Smith's,aglove-shop,inKing-street,Covent-garden;which(althoughmyabodeissecrettoeverybodyelse)willreachthehandsof--yourunhappy--butthat'snotenough----
YourmiserableCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLI
MRS.HOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SUPERSCRIBEDASDIRECTEDINTHEPRECEDING.]
FRIDAY,JUNE30.
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,
Youwillwondertoreceivealetterfromme.Iamsorryforthegreatdistressyouseemtobein.Suchahopefulyoungladyasyouwere!Butseewhatcomesofdisobediencetoparents!
Formypart;althoughIpityyou,yetImuchmorepityyourpoorfatherandmother.Sucheducationastheygaveyou!suchimprovementasyoumade!andsuchdelightastheytookinyou!--Andallcometothis!--
Butpray,Miss,don'tmakemyNancyguiltofyourfault;whichisthatofdisobedience.Ihavechargedheroverandovernottocorrespondwithonewhohadmadesuchagiddystep.Itisnottoherreputation,Iamsure.YouknowthatIsochargedher;yetyougooncorrespondingtogether,tomyverygreatvexation;forshehasbeenveryperverseuponitmorethanonce.Evilcommunication,Miss--youknowtherest.
Here,peoplecannotbeunhappybythemselves,buttheymustinvoketheirfriendsandacquaintancewhosediscretionhaskeptthemclearoftheirerrors,intonearasmuchunhappinessasiftheyhadrunintothelike
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oftheirownheads!Thusmypoordaughterisalwaysintearsandgrief.Andshehaspostponedherownfelicity,truly,becauseyouareunhappy.
Ifpeople,whoseektheirownruin,couldbetheonlysufferersbytheirheadstrongdoings,itweresomething:But,OMiss,Miss!whathaveyoutoanswerfor,whohavemadeasmanygrievedheartsashaveknownyou!Thewholesexisindeedwoundedbyyou:For,whobutMissClarissaHarlowewasproposedbyeveryfatherandmotherforapatternfortheirdaughters?
Iwritealongletter,whereIproposedtosaybutafewwords;andthosetoforbidyourwritingtomyNancy:andthisaswellbecauseofthefalsestepyouhavemade,asbecauseitwillgrieveherpoorheart,anddoyounogood.Ifyouloveher,therefore,writenottoher.Yoursadlettercameintomyhands,Nancybeingabroad:andIshallnotshowither:fortherewouldbenocomfortforher,ifshesawit,norforme,whosedelightsheis--asyouoncewastoyourparents.--
Butyouseemtobesensibleenoughofyourerrorsnow.--Soareallgiddygirls,whenitistoolate:andwhatacrest-fallenfigurethendotheconsequencesoftheirself-willedobstinacyandheadstrongnesscompelthemtomake!
Imaysaytoomuch:onlyasIthinkitpropertobearthattestimony
againstyourrashnesswhichitbehoveseverycarefulparenttobear:andnonemorethan
Yourcompassionating,well-wishingANNABELLAHOWE.
Isendthisbyaspecialmessenger,whohasbusinessonlysofarasBarnet,becauseyoushallhavenoneedtowriteagain;knowinghowyoulovewriting:andknowing,likewise,thatmisfortunemakespeopleplaintive.
LETTERLII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMRS.HOWE.SATURDAY,JULY1.
Permitme,Madam,totroubleyouwithafewlines,wereitonlytothankyouforyourreproofs;whichhaveneverthelessdrawnfreshstreamsofbloodfromableedingheart.
Mystoryisadismalstory.Ithascircumstancesinitthatwouldengagepity,andpossiblyajudgmentnotaltogetherunfavourable,werethosecircumstancesknown.Butitismybusiness,andshallbeallmy
business,torepentofmyfailings,andnotendeavourtoextenuatethem.
NorwillIseektodistressyourworthymind.IfIcannotsufferalone,IwillmakeasfewpartiesasIcaninmysufferings.And,indeed,ItookupmypenwiththisresolutionwhenIwrotetheletterwhichhasfallenintoyourhands.Itwasonlytoknow,andthatforaveryparticularreason,aswellasforaffectionunbounded,ifmydearMissHowe,fromwhomIhadnotheardofalongtime,wereill;asIhadbeentoldshewas;andifso,howshenowdoes.Butmyinjuriesbeingrecent,andmydistresseshavingbeenexceedinggreat,selfwouldcrowdintomy
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letter.Whendistressed,thehumanmindisapttoturnitselftoeveryone,inwhomitimaginedorwishedaninterest,forpityandconsolation.--Or,toexpressmyselfbetter,andmoreconcisely,inyourownwords,misfortunemakespeopleplaintive:Andtowhom,ifnottoafriend,cantheafflictedcomplain?
MissHowebeingabroadwhenmylettercame,Iflattermyselfthatsheisrecovered.Butitwouldbesomesatisfactiontometobeinformedifshehasbeenill.Anotherlinefromyourhandwouldbetoogreatafavour:butifyouwillbepleasedtodirectanyservanttoansweryes,orno,tothatquestion,Iwillnotbefarthertroublesome.
Nevertheless,Imustdeclare,thatmyMissHowe'sfriendshipwasallthecomfortIhad,orexpectedtohaveinthisworld;andalinefromherwouldhavebeenacordialtomyfaintingheart.Judgethen,dearestMadam,howreluctantlyImustobeyyourprohibition--butyetIwillendeavourtoobeyit;althoughIshouldhavehoped,aswellfromthetenorofallthathaspassedbetweenMissHoweandme,asfromherestablishedvirtue,thatshecouldnotbetaintedbyevilcommunication,hadoneortwolettersbeenpermitted.This,however,Iasknotfor,sinceIthinkIhavenothingtodobuttobegofGod(who,Ihope,hasnotyetwithdrawnhisgracefromme,althoughhehaspleadedtoletloosehisjusticeuponmyfaults)togivemeatrulybrokenspirit,ifitbenotalreadybrokenenough,andthentotaketohismercy
TheunhappyCLARISSAHARLOWE.
Twofavours,goodMadam,Ihavetobegofyou.--Thefirst,--thatyouwillnotletanyofmyrelationsknowthatyouhaveheardfromme.Theother,--thatnolivingcreaturebeapprizedwhereIamtobeheardof,ordirectedto.ThisisapointthatconcernsmemorethanIcanexpress.--Inshort,mypreservationfromfurtherevilsmaydependuponit.
LETTERLIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOHANNAHBURTONTHURSDAY,JUNE29.
MYGOODHANNAH,
Strangethingshavehappenedtome,sinceyouweredismissedmyservice(sosorelyagainstmywill)andyourpertfellowservantsetoverme.Butthatmustallbeforgottennow--
Howdoyou,myHannah?Areyourecoveredofyourillness?Ifyouare,
doyouchoosetocomeandbewithme?Orcanyouconveniently?
Iamaveryunhappycreature,and,beingamongallstrangers,shouldbeverygladtohaveyouwithme,ofwhosefidelityandloveIhavehadsomanyacceptableinstances.
Livingordying,Iwillendeavourtomakeitworthyourwhile,myHannah.
Ifyouarerecovered,asIhope,andifyouhaveagoodplace,itmaybetheywouldbearwithyourabsence,andsuffersomebodyinyourroomfora
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monthorso:and,bythattime,Ihopetobeprovidedfor,andyoumaythenreturntoyourplace.
Don'tletanyofmyfriendsknowofthismydesire:whetheryoucancomeornot.
IamatMr.Smith's,ahosier'sandgloveshop,inKing-street,Covent-garden.
YoumustdirecttomebythenameofRachelClark.
Do,mygoodHannah,comeifyoucantoyourpooryoungmistress,whoalwaysvaluedyou,andalwayswillwhetheryoucomeornot.
IsendthistoyourmotheratSt.Alban's,notknowingwheretodirecttoyou.Returnmealine,thatImayknowwhattodependupon:andIshallseeyouhavenotforgottentheprettyhandyouweretaught,inhappydays,by
Yourtruefriend,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLIVHANNAHBURTON[INANSWER.]MONDAY,JULY3.
HONOREDMADDAM,
Ihavenotforgottowrite,andneverwillforgetanythingyou,mydearyounglady,wassogoodastolarnme.Iamverysorrowfulforyourmisfortens,mydearestyounglady;sosorrowfull,Idonotknowwhattodo.GladdathartewouldIbetobeabletocometoyou.ButindeedI
havenotbeenabletostiroutofmyromehereatmymother'seversinceIwasforsedtoleavemyplasewitharoomatise,whichhasmademequiteandclenehelpless.Iwillprayforyounightandday,mydearest,mykindest,mygoodestyounglady,whohavebeensobadlyused;andIamverysorryIcannotcometodoyouloveandsarvice;whichwilleverbeintheharteofmeetodo,ifitwasinmypower:whoam
Yourmostdutifulservanttocommand,HANNAHBURTON.
LETTERLV
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMRS.JUDITHNORTONTHURSDAY,JUNE29.
MYDEARMRS.NORTON,
Iaddressmyselftoyou,afteraverylongsilence,(which,however,wasnotowingeithertowantofloveorduty,)principallytodesireyoutosatisfymeintwoorthreepoints,whichitbehovesmetoknow.
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Myfather,andallthefamily,Iaminformed,aretobeatmyuncleHarlowe'sthisday,asusual.Prayacquaintme,iftheyhavebeenthere?Andiftheywerecheerfulontheanniversaryoccasion?Andalso,ifyouhaveheardofanyjourney,orintendedjourney,ofmybrother,incompanywithCaptainSingletonandMr.Solmes?
Strangethingshavehappenedtome,mydear,worthyandmaternalfriend--verystrangethings!--Mr.Lovelacehasprovedaverybarbarousandungratefulmantome.But,Godbepraised,Ihaveescapedfromhim.Beingamongabsolutestrangers(thoughIthinkworthyfolks)IhavewrittentoHannahBurtontocomeandbewithme.Ifthegoodcreaturefallinyourway,prayencouragehertocometome.Ialwaysintendedtohaveher,sheknows:buthopedtobeinhappiercircumstances.
Saynothingtoanyofmyfriendsthatyouhaveheardfromme.
Pray,doyouthinkmyfatherwouldbeprevailedupon,ifIweretosupplicatehimbyletter,totakeofftheheavycursehelaiduponmeatmygoingfromHarlowe-place?Icanexpectnootherfavourfromhim.Butthatbeingliterallyfulfilledastomyprospectsinthislife,Ihopeitwillbethoughttohaveoperatedfarenough;andmyheartissoweak!--itisveryweak!--Butformyfather'sownsake--whatshouldIsay!--IndeedIhardlyknowhowIoughttoexpressmyselfonthissadsubject!--butit
willgiveeasetomymindtobereleasedfromit.IamafraidmyPoor,asIusedtocallthegoodcreaturestowhosenecessitiesIwaswonttoadministerbyyourfaithfulhands,havemissedmeoflate.Butnow,alas!Iampoormyself.Itisnottheleastaggravationofmyfault,norofmyregrets,thatwithsuchinclinationsasGodhasgivenme,IhaveputitourofmypowertodothegoodIoncepleasedmyselftothinkIwasborntodo.Itisasadthing,mydearestMrs.Nortin,torenderuselesstoourselvesandtheworld,byourownrashness,thetalentswhichProvidencehasintrustedtous,fortheserviceofboth.
Butthesereflectionsarenowtoolate;andperhapsIoughttohavekept
themtomyself.Letme,however,hopethatyoulovemestill.Prayletmehopethatyoudo.Andthen,notwithstandingmymisfortunes,whichhavemademeseemungratefultothekindandtrulymaternalpainsyouhavetakenwithmefrommycradle,Ishallhavethehappinesstothinkthatthereisoneworthyperson,whohatesnot
TheunfortunateCLARISSAHARLOWE.
Prayremembermetomyfoster-brother.Ihopehecontinuesdutifulandgoodtoyou.BepleasedtodirectforRachelClark,atMr.Smith's,inKing-street,Covent-garden.Butkeepthedirectionanabsolutesecret.
LETTERLVI
MRS.NORTON[INANSWER.]SATURDAY,JULY1.
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Yourletter,mydearestyounglady,cutsmetotheheart!Whywillyounotletmeknowallyourdistresses?--Yetyouhavesaidenough!
Mysonisverygoodtome.Afewhoursagohewastakenwithafeverishdisorder.ButIhopeitwillgooffhappily,ifhisardourforbusinesswillgivehimtherecessfromitwhichhisgoodmasteriswillingtoallowhim.Hepresentshisdutytoyou,andshedtearsathearingyoursadletterread.
Youhavebeenmisinformedastoyourfamily'sbeingatyouruncleHarlowe's.Theydidnotintendtobethere.Norwasthedaykeptatall.Indeed,theyhavenotstirredout,buttochurch(andthatbutthreetimes)eversincethedayyouwentaway.--Unhappydayforthem,andforallwhoknowyou!--Tome,Iamsure,mostparticularlyso!--Myheartnowbleedsmoreandmoreforyou.
Ihavenotheardasyllableofsuchajourneyasyoumentionedofyourbrother,CaptainSingleton,andMr.Solmes.Therehasbeensometalkindeedofyourbrother'ssettingoutforhisnorthernestates:butIhavenotheardofitlately.
Iamafraidnoletterwillbereceivedfromyou.Itgrievesmetotellyouso,mydearestyounglady.Noevilcanhavehappenedtoyou,whichtheydonotexpecttohearof;sogreatistheirantipathytothewicked
man,andsobadishischaracter.Icannotbutthinkhardlyoftheirunforgiveness:butthereisnojudgingforothersbyone'sself.NeverthelessIwilladd,that,ifyouhadhadasgentlespiritsasmine,theseevilshadneverhappenedeithertothemortoyou.Iknewyourvirtue,andyourloveofvirtue,fromyourverycradle;andIdoubtednotbutthat,withGod'sgrace,wouldalwaysbeyourguard.Butyoucouldneverbedriven;norwasthereoccasiontodriveyou--sogenerous,sonoble,sodiscreet.--Buthowdoesmyloveofyouramiablequalitiesincreasemyaffliction;astheserecollectionsmustdoyour's!
Youareescaped,mydearestMiss--happily,Ihope--thatistosay,with
yourhonour--else,howgreatmustbeyourdistress!--Yet,fromyourletter,Idreadtheworst.
IamveryseldomatHarlowe-place.Thehouseisnotthehouseitusedtobe,sinceyouwentfromit.Thentheyaresorelentless!And,asIcannotsayharshthingsofthebelovedchildofmyheart,aswellasbosom,theydonottakeitamissthatIstayaway.
YourHannahleftherplaceillsometimeago!and,assheisstillathermother'satSt.Alban's,Iamafraidshecontinuesill.Ifso,asyouareamongstrangers,andIcannotencourageyouatpresenttocomeintotheseparts,Ishallthinkitmydutytoattendyou(letitbetakenasitwill)assoonasmyTommy'sindispositionwillpermit;whichIhope
willbesoon.
Ihavealittlemoneybyme.Yousayyouarepooryourself.--Howgrievousarethosewordsfromoneentitledandaccustomedtoaffluence!--Willyoubesogoodtocommandit,mybelovedyounglady?--Itismostofityourownbountytome.AndIshouldtakeapridetorestoreittoitsoriginalowner.
YourPoorblessyou,andprayforyoucontinually.Ihavesomanagedyourlastbenevolence,andtheyhavebeensohealthy,andhavehadsuch
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constantemploy,thatithasheldout;andwillholdouttillthehappiertimesreturn,whichIcontinuallyprayfor.
Letmebegofyou,mydearestyounglady,totaketoyourselfallthoseaidswhichgoodpersons,likeyou,drawfromRELIGION,insupportoftheircalamities.Letyoursufferingsbewhattheywill,Iamsureyouhavebeeninnocentinyourintention.Sodonotdespond.Nonearemadetosufferabovewhattheycan,andthereforeoughttobear.
WeknownotthemethodsofProvidence,norwhatwiseendsitmayhavetoserveinitsseemingly-severedispensationstoitspoorcreatures.
Fewpersonshavegreaterreasontosaythisthanmyself.Andsinceweareaptincalamitiestodrawmorecomfortfromexamplethanprecept,youwillpermitmetoremindyouofmyownlot:Forwhohashadagreatershareofafflictionsthanmyself?
Tosaynothingofthelossofanexcellentmother,atatimeoflifewhenmotherlycareismostwanted;thedeathofadearfather,whowasanornamenttohiscloth,(andwhohadqualifiedmetobehisscribeandamanuensis,)justashecamewithinviewofaprefermentwhichwouldhavemadehisfamilyeasy,threwmefriendlessintothewideworld;threwmeuponaverycareless,and,whichwasmuchworse,averyunkindhusband.Poorman!--buthewassparedlongenough,thankGod,inatedious
illness,torepentofhisneglectedopportunities,andhislightprinciples;whichIhavealwaysthoughtofwithpleasure,althoughIwasleftthemoredestituteforhischargeableillness,andreadytobebroughttobed,whenhedied,ofmyTommy.
Butthisverycircumstance,whichIthoughttheunhappiestthatIcouldhavebeenleftin,(soshort-sightedishumanprudence!)becamethehappymeansofrecommendingmetoyourmother,who,inregardtomycharacter,andincompassiontomyverydestitutecircumstances,permittedme,asImadeaconscienceofnotpartingwithmypoorboy,tonursebothyouandhim,bornwithinafewdaysofeachother.AndIhaveneversincewantedanyofthehumbleblessingswhichGodhasmademecontentedwith.
NorhaveIknownwhataverygreatgriefwas,fromthedayofmypoorhusband'sdeathtillthedaythatyourparentstoldmehowmuchtheyweredeterminedthatyoushouldhaveMr.Solmes;whenIwasapprizednotonlyofyouraversiontohim,buthowunworthyhewasofyou:forthenIbegantodreadtheconsequencesofforcingsogenerousaspirit;and,tillthen,IneverfearedMr.Lovelace,attractingaswashisperson,andspecioushismannersandaddress.ForIwassureyouwouldneverhavehim,ifhegaveyounotgoodreasontobeconvincedofhisreformation:nortillyourfriendswereaswellsatisfiedinitasyourself.ButthatunhappymisunderstandingbetweenyourbrotherandMr.Lovelace,andtheirjoiningsoviolentlytoforceyouuponMr.Solmes,didallthatmischief,whichhascostyouandthemsodear,andpoormeallmypeace!Oh!what
hasnotthisungrateful,thisdouble-guiltymantoanswerfor!
Nevertheless,youknownotwhatGodhasinstoreforyouyet!--Butifyouaretobepunishedallyourdayshere,forexamplesake,inacaseofsuchimportance,foryouronefalsestep,bepleasedtoconsider,thatthislifeisbutastateofprobation;andifyouhaveyourpurificationinit,youwillbethemorehappy.NordoubtI,thatyouwillhavethehigherrewardhereafterforsubmittingtothewillofProvidenceherewithpatienceandresignation.
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Yousee,mydearestMissClary,thatImakenoscrupletocallthestepyoutookafalseone.Inyouitwaslessexcusablethanitwouldhavebeeninanyotheryounglady;notonlybecauseofyoursuperiortalents,butbecauseoftheoppositionbetweenyourcharacterandhis:sothat,ifyouhadbeenprovokedtoquityourfather'shouse,itneednottohavebeenwithhim.NorneededI,indeed,butasaninstanceofmyimpartiallove,tohavewrittenthistoyou.*
*Mrs.Norton,havingonlythefamilyrepresentationandinvectivestoformherjudgmentupon,knewnotthatClarissahaddeterminedagainstgoingoffwithMr.Lovelace;norhowsolicitousshehadbeentoprocureforherselfanyotherprotectionthanhis,whensheapprehendedthat,ifshestaid,shehadnowaytoavoidbeingmarriedtoMr.Solmes.
Afterthis,itwillhaveanunkind,andperhapsatthistimeanunseasonableappearance,toexpressmyconcernthatyouhavenotbeforefavouredmewithaline.Yetifyoucanaccounttoyourselfforyoursilence,IdaresayIoughttobesatisfied;forIamsureyouloveme:asIbothloveandhonouryou,andeverwill,andthemoreforyourmisfortunes.
Oneconsolation,methinks,Ihave,evenwhenIamsorrowingforyour
calamities;andthatis,thatIknownotanyyoungpersonsoqualifiedtoshinethebrighterforthetrialsshemaybeexercisedwith:andyetitisaconsolationthatendsinaddingtomyregretsforyourafflictions,becauseyouareblessedwithamindsowellabletobearprosperity,andtomakeeverybodyroundyouthebetterforit!--ButIwillforbeartillIknowmore.
Ruminatingoneverythingyourmelancholylettersuggests,andapprehending,fromthegentlenessofyourmind,theamiablenessofyourperson,andyouryouth,thefarthermisfortunesandinconvenienciestowhichyoumaypossiblybesubjected,Icannotconcludewithoutaskingforyourleavetoattendyou,andthatinaveryearnestmanner--andIbegofyounottodenyme,onanyconsiderationrelatingtomyself,orevento
theindispositionofmyotherbelovedchild,ifIcanbeeitherofuseorofcomforttoyou.Wereit,mydearestyounglady,butfortwoorthreedays,permitmetoattendyou,althoughmyson'sillnessshouldincrease,andcompelmetocomedownagainattheendofthosetwoorthreedays.--Irepeatmyrequest,likewise,thatyouwillcommandfrommethelittlesumremaininginthehandsofyourbountytoyourPoor,aswellasthatdispensedto
Yourever-affectionateandfaithfulservant,JUDITHNORTON.
LETTERLVII
MISSCL.HARLOWE,TOLADYBETTYLAWRANCETHURSDAY,JUNE29.
MADAM,
Ihopeyou'llexcusethefreedomofthisaddress,fromonewhohasnotthehonourtobepersonallyknowntoyou,althoughyoumusthaveheard
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muchofClarissaHarlowe.ItisonlytobegthefavourofalinefromyourLadyship'shand,(bythenextpost,ifconvenient,)inanswertothefollowingquestions:
1.Whetheryouwrotealetter,dated,asIhaveamemorandum,Wedn.June7,congratulatingyournephewLovelaceonhissupposednuptials,asreportedtoyoubyMr.Spurrier,yourLadyship'ssteward,asfromoneCaptainTomlinson:--andinitreproachingMr.Lovelace,asguiltyofslight,&c.innothavingacquaintedyourLadyshipandthefamilywithhismarriage?
2.WhetheryourladyshipwrotetoMissMontaguetomeetyouatReading,inordertoattendyoutoyourcousinLeeson's,inAlbemarle-street;onyourbeingobligedtobeintownonyouroldchanceryaffair,Irememberarethewords?andwhetheryoubespokeyournephew'sattendancethereonSundaynightthe11th?
3.WhetheryourLadyshipandMissMontaguedidcometotownatthattime;andwhetheryouwenttoHampstead,onMonday,inahiredcoachandfour,yourownbeingrepairing,andtookfromthencetotownwiththeyoungcreaturewhomyouvisitedthere?
YourLadyshipwillprobablyguess,thatthequestionsarenotaskedforreasonsfavourabletoyournephewLovelace.Butbetheanswerwhatit
will,itcandohimnohurt,normeanygood;onlythatIthinkIoweittomyformerhopes,(howeverdeceivedinthem,)andeventocharity,thataperson,ofwhomIwasoncewillingtothinkbetter,shouldnotprovesoegregiouslyabandoned,astobewanting,ineveryinstance,tothatveracitywhichisindispensableinthecharacterofagentleman.
Bepleased,Madam,todirecttome,(keepingthedirectionasecretforthepresent,)tobeleftattheBelle-Savage,onLudgatehill,tillcalledfor.Iam
YourLadyship'smosthumbleservant,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLVIII
LADYBETTYLAWRANCE,TOMISSCL.HARLOWESATURDAY,JULY1.
DEARMADAM,
IfindthatallisnotasitshouldbebetweenyouandmynephewLovelace.Itwillverymuchafflictme,andallhisfriends,ifhehasbeenguiltyofanydesignedbasenesstoaladyofyourcharacterand
merit.
Wehavebeenlonginexpectationofanopportunitytocongratulateyouandourselvesuponaneventmostearnestlywishedforbyusall;sinceourhopesofhimarebuiltuponthepoweryouhaveoverhim:forifevermanadoredawoman,heisthatman,andyou,Madam,arethatwoman.
MissMontague,inherlastlettertome,inanswertooneofmine,inquiringifsheknewfromhimwhetherhecouldcallyouhis,orwaslikelysoontohavethathonour,hasthesewords:'Iknownotwhatto
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makeofmycousinLovelace,astothepointyourLadyshipissoearnestabout.HesometimessaysheisactuallymarriedtoMissCl.Harlowe:atothertimes,thatitisherownfaultifhebenot.--Hespeaksofhernotonlywithlovebutwithreverence:yetowns,thatthereisamisunderstandingbetweenthem;butconfessesthatsheiswhollyfaultless.Anangel,andnotawoman,hesayssheis:andthatnomanlivingcanbeworthyofher.'--
ThisiswhatmynieceMontaguewrites.
Godgrant,mydearestyounglady,thathemaynothavesoheinouslyoffendedyouthatyoucannotforgivehim!Ifyouarenotalreadymarried,andrefusetobehis,Ishallloseallhopesthatheeverwillmarry,orbethemanIwishhimtobe.SowillLordM.SowillLadySarahSadleir.
Iwillnowansweryourquestions:butindeedIhardlyknowwhattowrite,forfearofwideningstillmoretheunhappydifferencebetweenyou.Butyetsuchayoungladymustcommandeverythingfromme.Thisthenismyanswer:
Iwrotenotanylettertohimonoraboutthe7thofJune.
NeitherInormystewardknowanysuchmanasCaptainTomlinson.
IwrotenottomyniecetomeetmeatReading,nortoaccompanymetomycousinLeeson'sintown.
Mychanceryaffair,though,likemostchanceryaffairs,itbeoflongstanding,is,nevertheless,nowinsogoodaway,thatitcannotgivemeoccasiontogototown.
NorhaveIbeenintownthesesixmonths:noratHampsteadforyears.
NeithershallIhaveanytemptationtogototown,excepttopaymycongratulatorycomplimentstoMrs.Lovelace.OnwhichoccasionI
shouldgowiththegreatestpleasure;andshouldhopeforthefavourofyouraccompanyingmetoGlenham-hall,foramonthatleast.
Bewhatwillthereasonofyourinquiry,letmeentreatyou,mydearyounglady,forLordM.'ssake;formysake;forthisgiddyman'ssake,soulaswellasbody;andforallourfamily'ssakes;nottosufferthisanswertowidendifferencessofarastomakeyourefusehim,ifhealreadyhasnotthehonourofcallingyouhis;asIamapprehensivehehasnot,byyoursigningbyyourfamily-name.
Andhereletmeoffertoyoumymediationtocomposethedifferencebetweenyou,beitwhatitwill.Yourcause,mydearyounglady,cannot
beputintothehandsofanybodylivingmoredevotedtoyourservice,thanintothoseof
Yoursincereadmirer,andhumbleservant,ELIZ.LAWRANCE.
LETTERLIX
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MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMRS.HODGESENFIELD,JUNE22.
MRS.HODGES,
Iamunderakindofnecessitytowritetoyou,havingnooneamongmyrelationstowhomIdarewrite,orhopealinefromifIdid.Itisbuttoansweraquestion.Itisthis:
WhetheryouknowanysuchmanasCaptainTomlinson?and,ifyoudo,whetherhebeveryintimatewithmyuncleHarlowe?
Iwilldescribehispersonlest,possibly,heshouldgobyanothernameamongyou;althoughIknownotwhyheshould.
'Heisathin,tallishman,alittlepock-fretten,ofasallowishcomplexion.Fiftyyearsofage,ormore.Ofgoodaspectwhenhelooksup.Heseemstobeaseriousman,andonewhoknowstheworld.Hestoopsalittleintheshoulders.IsofBerkshire.HiswifeofOxfordshire;andhasseveralchildren.HeremovedlatelyintoyourpartsformNorthamptonshire.'
Imustdesireyou,Mrs.Hodges,thatyouwillnotletmyuncle,norany
ofmyrelations,knowthatIwritetoyou.Youusedtosay,thatyouwouldbegladtohaveitinyourpowertoserveme.That,indeed,wasinmyprosperity.But,Idaresay,youwillnotrefusemeinaparticularthatwillobligeme,withouthurtingyourself.
Iunderstandthatmyfather,mother,andsister,andIpresume,mybrother,andmyuncleAntony,aretobeatmyuncleHarlowe'sthisday.Godpreservethemall,andmaytheyrejoiceinmanyhappybirth-days!Youwillwritesixwordstomeconcerningtheirhealths.
Direct,foraparticularreason,toMrs.DorothySalcombe,tobelefttillcalledfor,attheFourSwansInn,Bishopsgate-street.
Youknowmyhand-writingwellenough,werenotthecontentsofthelettersufficienttoexcusemyname,oranyothersubscription,thanthatof
Yourfriend.
LETTERLX
MRS.HODGES[INANSWER.]SAT.JULY2.
MADDAM,
Ireturnyouananser,asyouwishmetodoe.Masterisacquentedwithnositchman.Iamshurenositchevercametoourhouse.Andmasterstursverylittleout.Hehasnohartetosturout.Forwhy?Yourobstinacymakesumnotcaretoseeoneanother.Master'sbirth-dayneverwaskeptsoebefore:fornotasoleheere:andnothingbutsikeingandsorrowinfrommastertothinkhowityusedtobee.
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Iaxedmaster,ifsoebeeheknowedsitchamanasoneCaptainTomlinson?butsaidnotwhirforIaxed.Hesed,No,nothe.
ShurethisisnotrixnorforgerybruingagainstmasterbyoneTomlinson--Wonknowsnotwhatcompanyyoumayhavebeenforsedtokeep,senyouwentaway,youknoe,Maddam;butLundonisapestilentplase;andthat'SquireLuvlessisadevil(forallheissitchalikegentlemantolookto)asIhevherdeveryboddysay;andthinkashowyouhavefoundbythiss.
Itruste,Maddam,youwuldenotletmastercumtoharme,ifyouknoedit,byanybodywhomaypretendtobeacquentedwithhim:butforfere,IqueridwithmyselfifIshuldenottellhim.ButIwaswillintoshowyou,thatIwuldeplessureyouinadvarsity,ifadvarsitybeyourlott,aswellasprosperity;forIamnoneofthosethatwouldedoeotherwiss.Soenomorefrom
Yourhumblesarvent,towishyouwell,SARAHHODGES.
LETTERLXI
MISSCL.HARLOWE,TOLADYBETTYLAWRANCE.MONDAY,JULY3.
MADAM,
IcannotexcusemyselffromgivingyourLadyshipthisonetroublemore;tothankyou,asImostheartilydo,foryourkindletter.
Imustowntoyou,Madam,thatthehonourofbeingrelatedtoladiesaseminentfortheirvirtueasfortheirdescent,wasatfirstnosmallinducementwithmetolendaneartoMr.Lovelace'saddress.Andthe
rather,asIwasdetermined,haditcometoeffect,todoeverythinginmypowertodeserveyourfavourableopinion.
Ihadanothermotive,whichIknewwouldofitselfgivememeritwithyourwholefamily;apresumptuousone,(apunishablypresumptuousone,asithasproved,)inthehopethatImightbeanhumblemeaninthehandofProvidencetoreclaimaman,whohad,asIthought,goodsenseenoughtoacknowledgetheintendedobligation,whetherthegeneroushopeweretosucceedornot.
ButIhavebeenmostegregiouslymistakeninMr.Lovelace;theonlyman,Ipersuademyself,pretendingtobeagentleman,inwhomIcouldhavebeensomuchmistaken:forwhileIwasendeavouringtosaveadrowning
wretch,Ihavebeen,notaccidentally,butpremeditatedly,andofsetpurpose,drawninafterhim.Andhehashadtheglorytoaddtothelistofthosehehasruined,aname,that,Iwillbeboldtosay,wouldnothavedisparagedhisown.Andthis,Madam,bymeansthatwouldshockhumanitytobemadeacquaintedwith.
MywholeendisservedbyyourLadyship'sanswertothequestionsItookthelibertytoputtoyouinwriting.NorhaveIawishtomaketheunhappymanmoreodioustoyouthanisnecessarytoexcusemyselfforabsolutelydecliningyourofferedmediation.
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WhenyourLadyshipshallbeinformedofthefollowingparticulars:
Thatafterhehadcompulsorily,asImaysay,trickedmeintotheactofgoingoffwithhim,hecouldcarrymetooneofthevilesthouses,asitproved,inLondon:
Thathecouldbeguiltyofawickedattempt,inresentmentofwhich,IfoundmeanstoescapefromhimtoHampstead:
That,afterhehadfoundmeoutthere(Iknownothow)hecouldprocuretwowomen,dressedoutrichly,topersonateyourLadyshipandMissMontague;who,underpretenceofengagingmetomakeavisitintowntoyourcousinLeeson,(promisingtoreturnwithmethateveningtoHampstead,)betrayedmebackagaintothevilehouse:where,againmadeaprisoner,Iwasfirstrobbedofmysenses;andthenofmyhonour.WhyshouldIseektoconcealthatdisgracefromotherswhichIcannothidefrommyself?
WhenyourLadyshipshallknow,that,intheshockingprogresstothisruin,wilfulfalsehoods,repeatedforgeries,(particularlyofoneletterfromyourLadyship,anotherfromMissMontague,andathirdfromLordM.)andnumberlessperjuries,werenottheleastofhiscrimes:youwilljudge,thatIcanhavenoprinciplesthatwillmakemeworthyofan
alliancewithladiesofyour'sandyournoblesister'scharacter,ifIcouldnotfrommysouldeclare,thatsuchanalliancecannevernowtakeplace.
Iwillnotoffertoclearmyselfentirelyofblame:but,astohim,Ihavenofaulttoaccusemyselfof:mycrimewas,thecorrespondingwithhimatfirst,whenprohibitedsotodobythosewhohadarighttomyobedience;madestillmoreinexcusable,bygivinghimaclandestinemeeting,whichputmeintothepowerofhisarts.AndforthisIamcontenttobepunished:thankful,thatatlastIhaveescapedfromhim;andhaveitinmypowertorejectsowickedamanformyhusband:andglad,ifImaybeawarning,sinceIcannotbeanexample:whichonce(veryvain,andveryconceited,asIwas)Iproposedtomyselftobe.
AlltheillIwishhimis,thathemayreform;andthatImaybethelastvictimtohisbaseness.Perhapsthisdesirablewishmaybeobtained,whenheshallseehowhiswickedness,hisunmeritedwickedness!toapoorcreature,madefriendlessbyhiscruelarts,willend.
IconcludewithmyhumblethankstoyourLadyshipforyourfavourableopinionofme;andwiththeassurancethatIwillbe,whilelifeislentme,
YourLadyship'sgratefulandobligedservant,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLXII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMRS.NORTONSUNDAYEVENING,JULY2.
Howkindly,mybelovedMrs.Norton,doyousoothetheanguishofableedingheart!Surelyyouaremineownmother;and,bysome
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unaccountablemistake,Imusthavebeenlaidtoafamilythat,havingnewlyfoundout,oratleastsuspected,theimposture,castmefromtheirhearts,withtheindignationthatsuchadiscoverywillwarrant.
Oh!thatIhadbeenindeedyourownchild,borntopartakeofyourhumblefortunes,anheiressonlytothatcontentinwhichyouaresohappy!thenshouldIhavehadatrulygentlespirittohaveguidedmyductileheart,whichforceandungeneroususagesitsoillupon:andnothingofwhathashappenedwouldhavebeen.
ButletmetakeheedthatIenlargenot,byimpatience,thebreachalreadymadeinmydutybymyrashness!since,hadInoterred,mymother,atleast,couldneverhavebeenthoughthard-heartedandunforgiving.AmInotthenanswerable,notonlyformyownfaults,butfortheconsequencesofthem;whichtendtodepreciateandbringdisgraceuponamaternalcharacterneverbeforecalledinquestion?
Itiskind,however,inyoutoendeavourtoextenuatethefaultsofonesogreatlysensibleofit:andcoulditbewipedoffentirely,itwouldrendermemoreworthyofthepainsyouhavetakeninmyeducation:foritmustaddtoyourgrief,asitdoestomyconfusion,that,aftersuchpromisingbeginnings,Ishouldhavesobehavedastobeadisgraceinsteadofacredittoyouandmyotherfriends.
ButthatImaynotmakeyouthinkmemoreguiltythanIam,givemeleavebrieflytoassureyou,that,whenmystoryisknown,Ishallbetomorecompassionthanblame,evenonthescoreofgoingawaywithMr.Lovelace.
Astoallthathappenedafterwards,letmeonlysay,thatalthoughImustcallmyselfalostcreatureastothisworld,yethaveIthisconsolationleftme,thatIhavenotsufferedeitherforwantofcircumspection,orthroughcarefulcredulityorweakness.NotonemomentwasIoffmyguard,orunmindfulofyourearlyprecepts.But(havingbeenenabledtobafflemanybasecontrivances)Iwasatlastruinedbyartsthemostinhuman.ButhadInotbeenrejectedbyeveryfriend,thislow-heartedmanhadnotdared,norwouldhavehadopportunity,totreatmeashehas
treatedme.
MoreIcannot,atthistime,norneedIsay:andthisIdesireyoutokeeptoyourself,lestresentmentsshouldbetakenupwhenIamgone,thatmayspreadtheevilwhichIhopewillendwithme.
Ihavebeenmisinformed,yousay,astomyprincipalrelationsbeingatmyuncleHarlowe's.Theday,yousay,wasnotkept.NorhavemybrotherandMr.Solmes--Astonishing!--Whatcomplicatedwickednesshasthiswretchedmantoanswerfor!--WereItotellyou,youwouldhardlybelievethattherecouldhavebeensuchaheartinman.--
Butonedayyoumayknowthewholestory!--AtpresentIhaveneither
inclinationnorwords--Omyburstingheart!--Yetahappy,awishedrelief!--Wereyoupresentmytearswouldsupplytherest!
***
Iresumemypen!
Andsoyoufearnoletterwillbereceivedfromme.ButDON'Tgrieveto
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tellmeso!Iexpecteverythingbad--andsuchismydistress,thathadyounotbidmehopeformercyfromthethroneofmercy,Ishouldhavebeenafraidthatmyfather'sdreadfulcursewouldbecompletedwithregardtobothworlds.
Forhere,anadditionalmisfortune!--Inafitofphrensicalheedlessness,IsentalettertomybelovedMissHowe,withoutrecollectingherprivateaddress;andithasfallenintoherangrymother'shands:andsothatdearfriendperhapshasanewincurreddispleasureonmyaccount.Andheretooyourworthysonisill;andmypoorHannah,youthink,cannotcometome--OmydearMrs.Norton,willyou,canyoucensurethosewhoseresentmentsagainstmeHeavenseemstoapproveof?andwillyouacquitherwhomthatcondemns?
Yetyoubidmenotdespond.--Iwillnot,ifIcanhelpit.And,indeed,mostseasonableconsolationhasyourkindletteraffordedme.--YettoGodAlmightydoIappeal,toavengemywrongs,andvindicatemyinno----
Buthushedbemystormypassions!--HaveInotbutthismomentsaidthatyourlettergavemeconsolation?--Maythosebeforgivenwhohindermyfatherfromforgivingme!--andthis,astothem,shallbetheharshestthingthatshalldropfrommypen.
Butalthoughyoursonshouldrecover,Ichargeyou,mydearMrs.Norton,
thatyoudonotthinkofcomingtome.Idon'tknowstillbutyourmediationwithmymother(althoughatpresentyourinterpositionwouldbesolittleattendedto)maybeofusetoprocuremetherevocationofthatmostdreadfulpartofmyfather'scurse,whichonlyremainstobefulfilled.ThevoiceofNaturemustatlastbeheardinmyfavour,surely.Itwillonlypleadatfirsttomyfriendsinthestillconsciousplaintivenessofayoungandunhardenedbeggar.ButitwillgrowmoreclamorouswhenIhavethecouragetobeso,andshalldemand,perhaps,thepaternalprotectionfromfartherruin;andthatforgiveness,whichthosewillbelittleentitledtoexpect,fortheirownfaults,whoshallinterposetohaveitrefusedtome,foranaccidental,notapremeditatederror:andwhich,butforthem,Ihadneverfalleninto.
Butagain,impatiency,foundedperhapsonself-partiality,thatstrangemisleader!prevails.
Letmebrieflysay,thatitisnecessarytomypresentandfuturehopesthatyoukeepwellwithmyfamily.Andmoreover,shouldyoucome,Imaybetracedoutbythatmeansbythemostabandonedofmen.Saynotthenthatyouthinkyououghttocomeuptome,letitbetakenasitwill:--Formysake,letmerepeat,(weremyfoster-brotherrecovered,asIhopeheis,)youmustnotcome.NorcanIwantyouradvice,whileIcanwrite,andyoucananswerme.AndwriteIwillasoftenasIstandinneedofyourcounsel.
ThenthepeopleIamnowwithseemtobebothhonestandhumane:and
thereisinthesamehouseawidow-lodger,oflowfortunes,butofgreatmerit:--almostsuchanotherseriousandgoodwomanasthedearonetowhomIamnowwriting;whohas,asshesays,givenoverallotherthoughtsoftheworldbutsuchasshouldassisthertoleaveithappily.--Howsuitabletomyownviews!--Thereseemstobeacomfortableprovidenceinthisatleast--sothatatpresentthereisnothingofexigence;nothingthatcanrequire,orevenexcuse,yourcoming,whensomanybetterendsmaybeansweredbyyourstayingwhereyouare.Atimemaycome,whenIshallwantyourlastandbestassistance:andthen,mydearMrs.Norton--andthen,Iwillspeakit,andembraceitwithallmy
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wholeheart--andthen,willitnotbedeniedmebyanybody.
Youareveryobliginginyourofferofmoney.ButalthoughIwasforcedtoleavemyclothesbehindme,yetItookseveralthingsofvaluewithme,whichwillkeepmefrompresentwant.You'llsay,Ihavemadeamiserablehandofit--soindeedIhave--and,tolookbackwards,inaverylittlewhiletoo.
ButwhatshallIdo,ifmyfathercannotbeprevailedupontorecallhismalediction?OmydearMrs.Norton,whataweightmustafather'scursehaveuponaheartsoappreciativeasmine!--DidIthinkIshouldeverhaveafather'scursetodeprecate?Andyet,onlythatthetemporarypartofitissoterriblyfulfilled,orIshouldbeasearnestforitsrecall,formyfather'ssake,asformyown!
YoumustnotbeangrywithmethatIwrotenottoyoubefore.YouareveryrightandverykindtosayyouaresureIloveyou.IndeedIdo.Andwhatagenerosity,[solikeyourself!]isthereinyourpraise,toattributetomemorethanImerit,inordertoraiseanemulationtometodeserveyourpraises!--youtellmewhatyouexpectfrommeinthecalamitiesIamcalledupontobear.MayIbehaveanswerably!
Icanalittleaccounttomyselfformysilencetoyou,mykind,mydearmaternalfriend!Howequallysweetlyandpolitelydoyouexpress
yourselfonthisoccasion!Iwasverydesirous,foryoursake,aswellasformyown,thatyoushouldhaveittosaythatwedidnotcorrespond:hadtheythoughtwedid,everywordyoucouldhavedroptinmyfavourwouldhavebeenrejected;andmymotherwouldhavebeenforbidtoseeyou,orpayanyregardtowhatyoushouldsay.
ThenIhadsometimesbetterandsometimesworseprospectsbeforeme.Myworstwouldonlyhavetroubledyoutoknow:mybettermademefrequentlyhope,that,bythenextpost,orthenext,andsoonforweeks,Ishouldhavethebestnewstoimparttoyouthatthencouldhappen:coldasthewretchhadmademyhearttothatbest.--ForhowcouldIthinktowritetoyou,withaconfessionthatIwasnotmarried,yetlivedinthehouse(forIcouldnothelpit)withsuchaman?--Wholikewisehadgivenitout
toseveral,thatwewereactuallymarried,althoughwithrestrictionsthatdependedonthereconciliationwithmyfriends?Andtodisguisethetruth,orbeguiltyofafalsehood,eitherdirectorequivocal,thatwaswhatyouhadnevertaughtme.
ButImighthavewrittentoyouforadvice,inmyprecarioussituation,perhapsyouwillthink.But,indeed,mydearMrs.Norton,Iwasnotlostforwantofadvice.AndthiswillappearcleartoyoufromwhatIhavealreadyhinted,wereItoexplainmyselfnofurther:--Forwhatneedhadthecruelspoilertohaverecoursetounprecedentedarts--Iwillspeakoutplainerstill,(butyoumustnotatpresentreportit,)tostupifyingpotions,andtothemostbrutalandoutrageousforce,hadIbeenwantinginmyduty?
Afewwordsmoreuponthisgrievoussubject--
WhenIreflectuponallthathashappenedtome,itisapparent,thatthisgenerally-supposedthoughtlessseducerhasactedbymeuponaregularandpreconcertedplanofvillany.
Inordertosetallhisvileplotsinmotion,nothingwaswanting,fromthefirst,buttoprevailuponme,eitherbyforceorfraud,tothrowmyselfintohispower:andwhenthiswaseffected,nothinglessthanthe
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interventionofthepaternalauthority,(whichIhadnotdeservedtobeexertedinmybehalf,)couldhavesavedmefromtheeffectofhisdeepmachinations.Oppositionfromanyotherquarterwouldbuttooprobablyhaveprecipitatedhisbarbarousandungratefulviolence:andhadyouyourselfbeenwithme,Ihavereasonnowtothink,thatsomehoworotheryouwouldhavesufferedinendeavouringtosaveme:forneverwasthere,asnowIsee,aplanofwickednessmoresteadilyanduniformlypursuedthanhishasbeen,againstanunhappycreaturewhomeritedbetterofhim:buttheAlmightyhasthoughtfit,accordingtothegeneralcourseofHisprovidence,tomakethefaultbringonitsownpunishment:butsurelynotinconsequenceofmyfather'sdreadfulimprecation,'ThatImightbepunishedhere,'[OmymammaNorton,praywithme,ifso,thathereitstop!]'bytheverywretchinwhomIhadplacedmywickedconfidence!'
Iamsorry,foryoursake,toleaveoffsoheavily.Yettherestmustbebrief.
LetmedesireyoutobesecretinwhatIhavecommunicatedtoyou;atleasttillyouhavemyconsenttodivulgeit.
Godpreservetoyouyourmorefaultlesschild!
IwillhopeforHismercy,althoughIshouldnotobtainthatofanyearthlyperson.
AndIrepeatmyprohibition:--Youmustnotthinkofcomingupto
YoureverdutifulCL.HARLOWE.
Theobligingperson,wholeftyour'sformethisday,promisedtocallto-morrow,toseeifIshouldhaveanythingtoreturn.Iwouldnotlosesogoodanopportunity.
LETTERLXIII
MRS.NORTON,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWEMONDAYNIGHT,JULY3.
Othebarbarousvillanyofthisdetestableman!Andisthereamanintheworldwhocouldofferviolencetososweetacreature!
Andareyousureyouarenowoutofhisreach?
Youcommandmetokeepsecrettheparticularsoftheviletreatmentyouhavemetwith;orelse,uponanunexpectedvisitwhichMissHarlowefavouredmewith,soonafterIhadreceivedyourmelancholyletter,I
shouldhavebeentemptedtoownIhadheardfromyou,andtohavecommunicatedtohersuchpartsofyourtwolettersaswouldhavedemonstratedyourpenitence,andyourearnestnesstoobtaintherevocationofyourfather'smalediction,aswellashisprotectionfromoutragesthatmaystillbeofferedtoyou.Butthenyoursisterwouldprobablyhaveexpectedasightoftheletters,andeventohavebeenpermittedtotakethemwithhertothefamily.
Yettheymustonedaybeacquaintedwiththesadstory:--anditisimpossiblebuttheymustpityyou,andforgiveyou,whentheyknowyour
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earlypenitence,andyourunprecedentedsufferings;andthatyouhavefallenbythebrutalforceofabarbarousravisher,andnotbythevileartsofaseducinglover.
ThewickedmangivesitoutatLordM.'s,asMissHarlowetellsme,thatheisactuallymarriedtoyou--yetshebelievesitnot:norhadIthehearttoletherknowthetruth.
Sheputitclosetome,WhetherIhadnotcorrespondedwithyoufromthetimeofyourgoingaway?Icouldsafelytellher,(asIdid,)thatIhadnot:butIsaid,thatIwaswellinformed,thatyoutookextremelytoheartyourfather'simprecation;andthat,ifshewouldexcuseme,Iwouldsayitwouldbeakindandsisterlypart,ifshewoulduseherinteresttogetyoudischargedfromit.
Amongotherseverethings,shetoldme,thatmypartialfondnessforyoumademeverylittleconsiderthehonouroftherestofthefamily:but,ifIhadnotheardthisfromyou,shesupposedIwassetonbyMissHowe.
Sheexpressedherselfwithagooddealofbitternessagainstthatyounglady:who,itseems,everywhere,andtoeverybody,(foryoumustthinkthatyourstoryisthesubjectofallconversations,)railsagainstyourfamily;treatingthem,asyoursistersays,withcontempt,andevenwithridicule.
Iamsorrysuchangryfreedomsaretaken,fortworeasons;first,becausesuchlibertiesneverdoanygood.Ihaveheardyouown,thatMissHowehasasatiricalvein;butIshouldhopethatayoungladyofhersense,andrightcastofmind,mustknowthattheendofsatireisnottoexasperate,butamend;andshouldneverbepersonal.Ifitbe,asmygoodfatherusedtosay,itmaymakeanimpartialpersonsuspectthatthesatiristhasanaturalspleentogratify;whichmaybeasgreatafaultinhim,asanyofthosewhichhepretendstocensureandexposeinothers.
Perhapsahintofthisfromyouwillnotbethrownaway.
Mysecondreasonis,Thatthesefreedoms,fromsowarmafriendtoyouasMissHoweisknowntobe,aremostlikelytobechargedtoyouraccount.
Myresentmentsaresostrongagainstthisvilestofmen,thatIdarenottouchupontheshockingparticularswhichyoumentionofhisbaseness.Whatdefence,indeed,couldtherebeagainstsodeterminedawretch,afteryouwasinhispower?Iwillonlyrepeatmyearnestsupplicationtoyou,that,blackasappearancesare,youwillnotdespair.Yourcalamitiesareexceedinggreat;butthenyouhavetalentsproportionedtoyourtrials.Thiseverybodyallows.
Supposetheworst,andthatyourfamilywillnotbemovedinyourfavour,yourcousinMordenwillsoonarrive,asMissHarlowetoldme.Ifhe
shouldevenbegotovertotheirside,hewillhoweverseejusticedoneyou;andthenmayyouliveanexemplarylife,makinghundredshappy,andteachingyoungladiestoshunthesnaresinwhichyouhavebeensodreadfullyentangled.
Astothemanyouhavelost,isanunionwithsuchaperjuredheartashis,withsuchanadmirableoneasyour's,tobewishedfor?Abase,low-heartedwretch,asyoujustlycallhim,withallhisprideofancestry;andmoreanenemytohimselfwithregardtohispresentandfuturehappinessthantoyou,inthebarbarousandungratefulwrongshe
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hasdoneyou:Ineednot,Iamsure,exhortyoutodespisesuchamanasthis,sincenottobeabletodoso,wouldbeareflectionuponasextowhichyouhavealwaysbeenanhonour.
Yourmoralcharacterisuntainted:theverynatureofyoursufferings,asyouwillobserve,demonstratesthat.Cheerup,therefore,yourdearheart,anddonotdespair;forisitnotGODwhogovernstheworld,andpermitssomethings,anddirectsothers,asHepleases?andwillHenotrewardtemporarysufferings,innocentlyincurred,andpiouslysupported,witheternalfelicity?--Andwhat,mydear,isthispoorneedle'spointofNOWtoaboundlesseternity?
Myheart,however,laboursunderadoubleaffliction:Formypoorboyisvery,verybad--aviolentfever--norcanitbebroughttointermit.--Prayforhim,mydearestMiss--forhisrecovery,ifGodseefit.--IhopeGodwillseefit--ifnot(howcanIbeartosupposethat!)Prayforme,thathewillgivemethatpatienceandresignationwhichIhavebeenwishingtoyou.Iam,mydearestyounglady,
YoureveraffectionateJUDITHNORTON.
LETTERLXIVMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMRS.JUDITHNORTONTHURSDAY,JULY6.
Ioughtnot,especiallyatthistime,toaddtoyourafflictions--butyetIcannothelpcommunicatingtoyou(whonowaremyonlysoothingfriend)anewtroublethathasbefallenme.
Ihadbutonefriendintheworld,besideyou;andsheisutterlydispleasedwithme.*Itisgrievous,butforonemoment,tolieunderabelovedperson'scensure;andthisthroughimputationsthataffectone's
honourandprudence.Therearepointssodelicate,youknow,mydearMrs.Norton,thatitisadegreeofdishonourtohaveavindicationofone'sselffromthemappeartobenecessary.Inthepresentcase,mymisfortuneis,thatIknownothowtoaccount,butbyguess(sosubtlehavebeentheworkingsofthedarkspiritIhavebeenunhappilyentangledby)forsomeofthefactsthatIamcalledupontoexplain.
MissHowe,inshort,supposesshehasfoundaflawinmycharacter.Ihavejustnowreceivedhersevereletter--butIshallanswerit,perhaps,inbettertemper,ifIfirstconsideryour's:forindeedmypatienceisalmostatanend.AndyetIoughttoconsider,thatfaithfularethewoundsofafriend.Butsomanythingsatonce!OmydearMrs.Norton,howshallsoyoungascholarintheschoolofafflictionbeabletobear
suchheavyandsuchvariousevils!
Buttoleavethissubjectforawhile,andturntoyourletter.
IamverysorryMissHoweissolivelyinherresentmentsonmyaccount.Ihavealwaysblamedherveryfreelyforherlibertiesofthissortwithmyfriends.Ioncehadagooddealofinfluenceoverherkindheart,andshemadeallIsaidalawtoher.Butpeopleincalamityhavelittleweightinanything,orwithanybody.Prosperityandindependencearecharmingthingsonthisaccount,thattheygiveforcetothecounselsof
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afriendlyheart;whileitisthoughtinsolenceinthemiserabletoadvise,orsomuchastoremonstrate.
YetisMissHoweaninvaluableperson:AndisittobeexpectedthatsheshouldpreservethesameregardformyjudgmentthatshehadbeforeIforfeitedalltitletodiscretion?WithwhatfacecanItakeuponmetoreproachawantofprudenceinher?ButifIcanbesohappyastore-establishmyselfinherever-valuedopinion,Ishallendeavourtoenforceuponheryourjustobservationonthishead.
Youneednot,yousay,exhortmetodespisesuchamanashim,bywhomIhavesuffered--indeedyouneednot:forIwouldchoosethecruellestdeathratherthantobehis.Andyet,mydearMrs.Norton,Iwillowntoyou,thatonceIcouldhavelovedhim.--Ungratefulman!--hadhepermittedmetolovehim,Ioncecouldhavelovedhim.Yetheneverdeservedlove.Andwasnotthisafault?--Butnow,ifIcanbutkeepoutofhishands,andobtainalastforgiveness,andthataswellforthesakeofmydearfriends'futurereflections,asformyownpresentcomfort,itisallIwishfor.
ReconciliationwithmyfriendsIdonotexpect;norpardonfromthem;atleast,tillinextremity,andasaviaticum.
OmybelovedMrs.Norton,youcannotimaginewhatIhavesuffered!--But
indeedmyheartisbroken!--IamsureIshallnotlivetotakepossessionofthatindependence,whichyouthinkwouldenablemetoatone,insomemeasure,formypastconduct.
Whilethisismyopinion,youmaybelieveIshallnotbeeasytillIcanobtainalastforgiveness.
Iwishtobelefttotakemyowncourseinendeavouringtoprocurethisgrace.YetknowInot,atpresent,whatthatcourseshallbe.
Iwillwrite.Buttowhomismydoubt.CalamityhasnotyetgivenmetheassurancetoaddressmyselftomyFATHER.MyUNCLES(wellastheyoncelovedme)arehardhearted.Theyneverhadtheirmasculinepassions
humanizedbythetendernameofFATHER.OfmyBROTHERIhavenohope.IhavethenbutmyMOTHER,andmySISTER,towhomIcanapply.--'AndmayInot,mydearestMamma,bepermittedtoliftupmytremblingeyetoyourall-cheering,andyouroncemorethanindulgent,yourfondeye,inhopesofseasonablemercytothepoorsickheartthatyetbeatswithlifedrawnfromyourowndearerheart?--Especiallywhenpardononly,andnotrestoration,isimplored?'
YetwereIabletoengagemymother'spity,woulditnotbeameantomakeherstillmoreunhappythanIhavealreadymadeher,bytheoppositionshewouldmeetwith,wereshetotrytogiveforcetothatpity?
TomySISTER,then,Ithink,Iwillapply--Yethowhard-heartedhasmysisterbeen!--ButIwillnotaskforprotection;andyetIaminhourlydreadthatIshallwantprotection.--AllIwillaskforatpresent(preparativetothelastforgivenessIwillimplore)shallbeonlytobefreedfromtheheavycursethatseemstohaveoperatedasfarisitcanoperateastothislife--and,surely,itwaspassion,andnotintention,thatcarrieditsofarastotheother!
ButwhydoIthusaddtoyourdistresses?--Itisnot,mydearMrs.Norton,thatIhavesomuchfeelingformyowncalamitythatIhavenone
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foryour's:sinceyour'sisindeedanadditiontomyown.Butyouhaveoneconsolation(averygreatone)whichIhavenot:--Thatyourafflictions,whetherrespectingyourmoreoryourlessdeservingchild,risenotfromanyfaultofyourown.
ButwhatcanIdoforyoumorethanpray?--Assureyourself,thatineverysupplicationIputupformyself,Iwillwithequalfervourrememberbothyouandyourson.ForIamandeverwillbe
YourtrulysympathisinganddutifulCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLXV
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SUPERSCRIBEDFORMRS.RACHELCLARK,&c.]WEDNESDAY,JULY5.
MYDEARCLARISSA,
IhaveatlastheardfromyoufromaquarterIlittleexpected.
Frommymother!
Shehadforsometimeseenmeuneasyandgrieving;andjustlysupposeditwasaboutyou:andthismorningdroptahint,whichmademeconjecturethatshemusthaveheardsomethingofyoumorethanIknew.Andwhenshefoundthatthisaddedtomyuneasiness,sheownedshehadaletterinherhandsofyour's,datedthe29thofJune,directedforme.
Youmayguess,thatthisoccasionedalittlewarmth,thatcouldnotbewishedforbyeither.
[Itissurprising,mydear,mightysurprising!thatknowingthe
prohibitionIlayunderofcorrespondingwithyou,youcouldsendaletterformetoourownhouse:sinceitmustbefiftytoonethatitwouldfallintomymother'shands,asyoufinditdid.]
Inshort,sheresentedthatIshoulddisobeyher:Iwasasmuchconcernedthatsheshouldopenandwithholdfrommemyletters:andatlastshewaspleasedtocompromisethematterwithmebygivinguptheletter,andpermittingmetowritetoyouonceortwice:shetoseethecontentsofwhatIwrote.For,besidesthevalueshehasforyou,shecouldnotbuthavegreatercuriositytoknowtheoccasionofsosadasituationasyourmelancholylettershowsyoutobein.
[ButIshallgethertobesatisfiedwithhearingmereadwhatIwrite;
puttinginbetweenhooks,thus[],whatIintendnottoreadtoher.]
NeedItoremindyou,MissClarissaHarlowe,ofthreelettersIwrotetoyou,tononeofwhichIhadanyanswer;excepttothefirst,andthatofafewlinesonly,promisingaletteratlarge,thoughyouwerewellenough,thedayafteryoureceivedmysecond,togojoyfullybackagainwithhimtothevilehouse?Butmoreoftheseby-and-by.ImusthastentotakenoticeofyourletterofWednesdaylastweek;whichyoucouldcontriveshouldfallintomymother'shands.
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Letmetellyou,thatthatletterhasalmostbrokenmyheart.GoodGod!--Whathaveyoubroughtyourselfto,MissClarissaHarlowe?--CouldIhavebelieved,thatafteryouhadescapedfromthemiscreant,(withsuchmightypainsandearnestnessescaped,)andaftersuchanattemptashehadmade,youwouldhavebeenprevaileduponnotonlytoforgivehim,but(withoutbeingmarriedtoo)toreturnwithhimtothathorridhouse!--AhouseIhadgivenyousuchanaccountof!--Surprising!----Whatanintoxicatingthingisthislove?--Ialwaysfeared,thatyou,evenyou,werenotproofagainstitsinconsistenteffects.
Youyourbestselfhavenotescaped!--IndeedIseenothowyoucouldexpecttoescape.
Whatatalehaveyoutounfold!--Youneednotunfoldit,mydear:Iwouldhaveengagedtoprognosticateallthathashappened,hadyoubuttoldmethatyouwouldoncemorehaveputyourselfinhispower,afteryouhadtakensuchpainstogetoutofit.
Yourpeaceisdestroyed!--Iwondernotatit:sincenowyoumustreproachyourselfforacredulitysoill-placed.
Yourintellectistouched!--Iamsuremyheartbleedsforyou!But,excuseme,mydear,IdoubtyourintellectwastouchedbeforeyouleftHampstead:oryouwouldneverhavelethimfindyououtthere;or,when
hedid,sufferhimtoprevailuponyoutoreturntothehorridbrothel.Itellyou,Isentyouthreeletters:Thefirstofwhich,datedthe7thand8thofJune*(foritwaswrittenattwice)camesafelytoyourhands,asyousentmewordbyafewlinesdatedthe9th:haditnot,Ishouldhavedoubtedmyownsafety;sinceinitIgiveyousuchanaccountoftheabominablehouse,andthrewsuchcautionsinyourway,inrelationtothatTomlinson,asthemoresurprisedmethatyoucouldthinkofgoingbacktoitagain,afteryouhadescapedfromit,andfromLovelace.--Omydear--butnothingnowwillIeverwonderat!
*SeeVol.V.LetterXX.
Thesecond,datedJune10,*wasgivenintoyourownhandatHampstead,onSundaythe11th,asyouwaslyinguponacouch,inastrangeway,accordingtomymessenger'saccountofyou,bloated,andflush-coloured;Idon'tknowhow.
*SeeLetterVII.ofthisvolume.
Thethirdwasdatedthe20thofJune.*Havingnotheardonewordfromyousincethepromisingbilletofthe9th,IownIdidnotspareyouin
it.Iventureditbytheusualconveyance,bythatWilson's,havingnoother:socannotbesureyoureceivedit.IndeedIratherthinkyoumightnot;becauseinyour's,whichfellintomymother'shands,youmakenomentionofit:andifyouhadhadit,Ibelieveitwouldhavetouchedyoutoomuchtohavebeenpassedbyunnoticed.
*SeeLetterXXX.ofthisvolume.
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Youhaveheard,thatIhavebeenill,yousay.Ihadacold,indeed;butitwassoslightaonethatitconfinedmenotanhour.ButIdoubtnotthatstrangethingsyouhaveheard,andbeentold,toinduceyoutotakethestepyoutook.And,tillyoudidtakethatstep(thegoingbackwiththisvillain,Imean,)Iknewnotamorepitiablecasethanyour's:sinceeverybodymusthaveexcusedyoubefore,whoknewhowyouwereusedathome,andwasacquaintedwithyourprudenceandvigilance.But,alas!mydear,weseethatthewisestpeoplearenottobedependedupon,whenlove,likeanignisfatuus,holdsupitsmisleadinglightsbeforetheireyes.
Mymothertellsme,shesentyouananswer,desiringyounottowritetome,becauseitwouldgrieveme.TobesureIamgrieved;exceedinglygrieved;and,disappointedtoo,youmustpermitmetosay.ForIhadalwaysthoughtthatthereneverwassuchawoman,atyouryears,intheworld.
ButIrememberonceanargumentyouheld,onoccasionofacensurepassedincompanyuponanexcellentpreacher,whowasnotaveryexcellentliver:preachingandpractising,yousaid,requiredverydifferenttalents:*which,whenunitedinthesameperson,madethemanasaint;aswitandjudgment,goingtogether,constitutedagenius.
*SeeVol.II.LetterIV.
Youmadeitout,Iremember,veryprettily:butyounevermadeitout,excuseme,mydear,moreconvincingly,thanbythatpartofyourlateconduct,whichIcomplainof.
Myloveforyou,andmyconcernforyourhonour,maypossiblyhavemademealittleoftheseverest.Ifyouthinkso,placeittoitsproperaccount;tothatlove,andtothatconcern:whichwillbutdojusticeto
Yourafflictedandfaithful
A.H.
P.S.Mymotherwouldnotbesatisfiedwithoutreadingmyletterherself;andthatbeforeIhadfixedalltheproposedhooks.Sheknows,bythismeans,andhasexcused,ourformercorrespondence.
Sheindeedsuspecteditbefore:andsosheverywellmight;knowingmyloveofyou.
Shehassomuchrealconcernforyourmisfortunes,that,thinkingitwillbeaconsolationtoyou,andthatitwillobligeme,sheconsentsthatyoushallwritetometheparticularsatlargeofyoursaystory.ButitisonconditionthatIshowherallthathaspassed
betweenus,relatingtoyourselfandthevilestofmen.Ihavethemorecheerfullycomplied,asthecommunicationcannotbetoyourdisadvantage.
Youmaythereforewritefreely,anddirecttoourownhouse.
Mymotherpromisestoshowmethecopyofherlettertoyou,andyourreplytoit;whichlattershehasbutjusttoldmeof.Shealreadyapologizesfortheseverityofher's:andthinksthesightofyourreplywillaffectmetoomuch.But,havingherpromise,Iwillnot
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dispensewithit.
Idoubther'sissevereenough.SoIfearyouwillthinkmine:butyouhavetaughtmenevertosparethefaultforthefriend'ssake;andthatagreaterroroughtrathertobethemoreinexcusableinthepersonwevalue,thaninoneweareindifferentto;becauseitisareflectionuponourchoiceofthatperson,andtendstoabreachoftheloveofmind,andtoexposeustotheworldforourpartiality.Totheloveofmind,Irepeat;sinceitisimpossiblebuttheerrorsofthedearestfriendmustweakenourinwardopinionofthatfriend;andtherebylayafoundationforfuturedistance,andperhapsdisgust.
GodgrantthatyoumaybeabletoclearyourconductafteryouhadescapedfromHampstead;asallbeforethattimewasnoble,generous,andprudent;themanadevilandyouasaint!----YetIhopeyoucan;andthereforeexpectitfromyou.
Isendbyaparticularhand.Hewillcallforyouransweratyourownappointment.
Iamafraidthishorridwretchwilltraceoutbythepost-officeswhereyouare,ifnotcareful.
Tohavemoney,andwill,andhead,tobeavillain,istoomuchfortherestoftheworld,whentheymeetinoneman.
LETTERLXVI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETHURSDAY,JULY6.
Fewyoungpersonshavebeenabletogivemoreconvincingproofsthanmyselfhowlittletruehappinessliesintheenjoymentofourownwishes.
Toproduceoneinstanceonlyofthetruthofthisobservation;whatwouldIhavegivenforweekspast,forthefavourofaletterfrommydearMissHowe,inwhosefriendshipIplacedallmyremainingcomfort!LittledidIthink,thatthenextlettershewouldhonourmewith,shouldbeinsuchastyle,asshouldmakemelookmorethanonceatthesubscription,thatImightbesure(thenamenotbeingwrittenatlength)thatitwasnotsignedbyanotherA.H.Forsurely,thoughtI,thisismysisterArabella'sstyle:surelyMissHowe(blamemeasshepleasesinotherpoints)couldneverrepeatsosharplyuponherfriend,wordswritteninthebitternessofspirit,andinthedisorderofhead;norremindher,withasperity,andwithmingledstrokesofwit,ofanargumentheldinthegaietyofaheartelatedwithprosperousfortunes,(asminethen
was,)andverylittleapprehensiveofthesevereturnthatargumentwouldonedaytakeagainstherself.
ButwhathaveI,sinkinmyfortunes;mycharacterforfeited;myhonourlost,[whileIknowit,Icarenotwhoknowsit;]destituteoffriends,andevenofhope;whathaveItodotoshowaspiritofrepiningandexpostulationtoadearfriend,becausesheisnotmorekindthanasister?----
Youhavetillnow,mydear,treatedmewithgreatindulgence.Ifitwas
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withgreaterthanIhaddeserved,Imaybetoblametohavebuiltuponit,ontheconsciousnessthatIdeserveitnowasmuchasever.ButIfind,bytherisingbitternesswhichwillminglewiththegallinmyink,thatIamnotyetsubduedenoughtomycondition.--Ilaydownmypenforonemoment.
***
Pardonme,myMissHowe.Ihaverecollectedmyself:andwillendeavourtogiveaparticularanswertoyourletter;althoughitwilltakemeuptoomuchtimetothinkofsendingitbyyourmessengerto-morrow:hecanputoffhisjourney,hesays,tillSaturday.IwillendeavourtohavethewholenarrativereadyforyoubySaturday.
Buthowtodefendmyselfineverythingthathashappened,Icannottell:sinceinsomepartofthetime,inwhichmyconductappearstohavebeencensurable,Iwasnotmyself;andtothishourknownotallthemethodstakentodeceiveandruinme.
Youtellme,thatinyourfirstletteryougavemesuchanaccountofthevilehouseIwasin,andsuchcautionsaboutthatTomlinson,asmadeyouwonderhowIcouldthinkofgoingback.
Alas,mydear!Iwastricked,mostvilelytrickedback,asyoushallhearinitsplace.
Withoutknowingthehousewassoveryvileahousefromyourintendedinformation,Idislikedthepeopletoomuch,evervoluntarilytohavereturnedtoit.ButhadyoureallywrittensuchcautionsaboutTomlinson,andthehouse,asyouseemtohavepurposedtodo,theymust,hadtheycomeintime,havebeenofinfiniteservicetome.Butnotonewordofeither,whateverwasyourintention,didyoumentiontome,inthatfirstofthethreelettersyousowarmlyTELLmeyoudidsendme.Iwillencloseittoconvinceyou.*
*ThelettersheencloseswasMr.Lovelace'sforgedone.SeeVol.V.LetterXXX.
Butyouraccountofyourmessenger'sdeliveringtomeyoursecondletter,andthedescriptionhegivesofme,aslyinguponacouch,inastrangeway,bloated,andflush-coloured;youdon'tknowhow,absolutelypuzzlesandconfoundsme.
LordhavemercyuponthepoorClarissaHarlowe!Whatcanthismean!--Whowasthemessengeryousent?WasheoneofLovelace'screaturestoo!--Couldnobodycomenearmebutthatman'sconfederates,eithersettingout
so,ormadeso?Iknownotwhattomakeofanyonesyllableofthis!IndeedIdon't.
Letmesee.Yousay,thiswasbeforeIwentfromHampstead!Myintellectshadnotthenbeentouched!--norhadIeverbeensurprisedbywine,[strangeifIhad!]:HowthencouldIbefoundinsuchastrangeway,bloatedandflush-coloured;youdon'tknowhow!--Yetwhatavile,whatahatefulfigurehasyourmessengerrepresentedmetohavemade!
ButindeedIknownothingofanymessengerfromyou.
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BelievingmyselfsecureatHampstead,IstaidlongertherethanIwouldhavedone,inhopesoftheletterpromisedmeinyourshortoneofthe9th,broughtmebymyownmessenger,inwhichyouundertaketosendforandengageMrs.Townsendinmyfavour.*
*SeeVol.V.LetterXXIX.
IwonderedIhadnotheardfromyou:andwastoldyouweresick;and,atanothertime,thatyourmotherandyouhadhadwordsonmyaccount,andthatyouhadrefusedtoadmitMr.Hickman'svisitsuponit:sothatIsupposed,atonetime,thatyouwerenotabletowrite;atanother,thatyourmother'sprohibitionhaditsdueforcewithyou.ButnowIhavenodoubtthatthewickedmanmusthaveinterceptedyourletter;andIwishhefoundnotmeanstocorruptyourmessengertotellyousostrangeastory.
ItwasonSunday,June11,yousay,thatthemangaveitme.IwasatchurchtwicethatdaywithMrs.Moore.Mr.Lovelacewasatherhousethewhile,whereheboarded,andwantedtohavelodged;butIwouldnotpermitthat,thoughIcouldnothelptheother.Inoneofthesespacesitmustbethathehadtimetoworkupontheman.You'lleasily,my
dear,findthatout,byinquiringthetimeofhisarrivalatMrs.Moore'sandothercircumstancesofthestrangewayhepretendedtoseemein,onacouch,andtherest.
Hadanybodyseenmeafterwards,whenIwasbetrayedbacktothevilehouse,strugglingundertheoperationofwickedpotions,androbbedindeedofmyintellects(forthis,asyoushallhear,wasmydreadfulcase,)Imightthen,perhaps,haveappearedbloatedandflush-coloured,andIknownothowmyself.ButwereyoutoseeyourpoorClarissa,now(oreventohaveseenheratHampsteadbeforeshesufferedthevilestofalloutrages,)youwouldnotthinkherbloatedorflush-coloured:indeedyouwouldnot.
Inaword,itcouldnotbemeyourmessengersaw;nor(ifanybody)whoitwascanIdivine.
Iwillnow,asbrieflyasthesubjectwillpermit,enterintothedarkerpartofmysadstory:andyetImustbesomewhatcircumstantial,thatyoumaynotthinkmecapableofreserveorpalliation.ThelatterIamnotconsciousthatIneed.IshouldbeutterlyinexcusablewereIguiltyoftheformertoyou.Andyet,ifyouknowhowmyheartsinksunderthethoughtsofarecollectionsopainful,youwouldpityme.
AsIshallnotbeable,perhaps,toconcludewhatIhavetowriteineventwoorthreeletters,Iwillbeginanewonewithmystory;andsendthewholeofittogether,althoughwrittenatdifferentperiods,asIam
able.
Allowmealittlepause,mydear,atthisplace;andtosubscribemyself
Youreveraffectionateandobliged,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLXVII
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MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWE[REFERREDTOINLETTERXII.]THURSDAYNIGHT.
HehadfoundmeoutatHampstead:strangelyfoundmeout;forIamstillatalosstoknowbywhatmeans.
Iwasloth,inmybilletofthe6th,*totellyouso,forfearofgivingyouapprehensionsforme;andbesides,Ihopedthentohaveashorterandhappierissuetoaccounttoyoufor,throughyourassistance,thanImetwith.
*SeeVol.V.LetterXXXI.
[ShethengivesanarrativeofallthatpassedatHampsteadbetweenherself,Mr.Lovelace,Capt.Tomlinson,andthewomenthere,tothesameeffectwiththatsoamplygivenbyMr.Lovelace.]
Mr.Lovelace,findingallhecouldsay,andallCaptainTomlinsoncouldurge,ineffectual,toprevailuponmetoforgiveanoutragesoflagrantly
premeditated;restedallhishopesonavisitwhichwastobepaidmebyLadyBettyLawranceandMissMontague.
Inmyuncertainsituation,myprospectsallsodark,IknewnottowhomImightbeobligedtohaverecourseinthelastresort:andasthoseladieshadthebestofcharacters,insomuchthatIhadreasontoregretthatIhadnotfromthefirstthrownmyselfupontheirprotection,(whenIhadforfeitedthatofmyownfriends,)IthoughtIwouldnotshunaninterviewwiththem,thoughIwastooindifferenttotheirkinsmantoseekit,asIdoubtednotthatoneendoftheirvisitwouldbetoreconcilemetohim.
OnMonday,the12thofJune,thesepretendedladiescametoHampstead;
andIwaspresentedtothem,andtheytomebytheirkinsman.
Theywererichlydressed,andstuckoutwithjewels;thepretendedLadyBetty'swereparticularlyveryfine.
Theycameinacoach-and-four,hired,aswasconfessed,whiletheirownwasrepairingintown:apretencemade,Inowperceive,thatIshouldnotguessattheimposturebythewantofthereallady'sarmsuponit.LadyBettywasattendedbyherwoman,whoshecalledMorrison;amodestcountry-lookingperson.
Ihadheard,thatLadyBettywasafinewoman,andthatMissMontaguewasabeautifulyounglady,genteel,andgraceful,andfullofvivacity.--
Suchweretheseimpostors:andhavingneverseeneitherofthem,Ihadnottheleastsuspicion,thattheywerenottheladiestheypersonated;andbeingputalittleoutofcountenancebytherichnessoftheirdresses,Icouldnothelp,(foolthatIwas!)toapologizeformyown.
ThepretendedLadyBettythentoldme,thathernephewhadacquaintedthemwiththesituationofaffairsbetweenus.Andalthoughshecouldnotbutsay,thatshewasverygladthatshehadnotputsuchaslightuponhisLordshipandthem,asreporthadgiventhemcausetoapprehend,(thereasonsforwhichreport,however,shemusthaveapprovedof;)yet
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ithadbeenmatterofgreatconcerntoher,andtohernieceMontague,andwouldtothewholefamily,tofindsogreatamisunderstandingsubsistingbetweenus,as,ifnotmadeup,mightdistancealltheirhopes.
Shecouldeasilytellwhowasinfault,shesaid.Andgavehimalookbothofangeranddisdain;askinghim,Howitwaspossibleforhimtogiveanoffenceofsuchanaturetosocharmingalady,[soshecalledme,]asshouldoccasionaresentmentsostrong?
Hepretendedtobeawedintoshameandsilence.
Mydearestniece,saidshe,andtookmyhand,(Imustcallyouniece,aswellfromlove,astohumouryouruncle'slaudableexpedient,)permitmetobe,notanadvocate,butamediatrixforhim;andnotforhissake,somuchasformyown,myCharlotte's,andallourfamily's.Theindignityhehasofferedtoyou,maybeoftootenderanaturetobeinquiredinto.Butashedeclares,thatitwasnotapremeditatedoffence;whether,mydear,[forIwasgoingtoriseuponitinmytemper,]itwereornot;andashedeclareshissorrowsforit,(andneverdidcreatureexpressadeepersorrowforanyoffencethanhe);andasitisarepairableone;letus,forthisonetime,forgivehim;andtherebylayanobligationuponthismanoferrors--LetUS,Isay,mydear:for,Sir,[turningtohim,]anoffenceagainstsuchapeerlessladyasthis,mustbeanoffence
againstme,againstyourcousinhere,andagainstallthevirtuousofoursex.
See,mydear,whatacreaturehehadpickedout!Couldyouhavethoughttherewasawomanintheworldwhocouldthusexpressherself,andyetbevile?Butshehadherprincipalinstructionsfromhim,andthosewrittendowntoo,asIhavereasontothink:forIhaverecollectedsince,thatIoncesawthisLadyBetty,(whooftenrosefromherseat,andtookaturntotheotherendoftheroomwithsuchanemotion,asifthejoyofherheartwouldnotlethersitstill)takeoutapaperfromherstays,andlookintoit,andputitthereagain.Shemightoftener,andInotobserveit;forIlittlethoughtthattherecouldbesuchimpostorsintheworld.
Icouldnotforbearpayinggreatattentiontowhatshesaid.Ifoundmytearsreadytostart;Idrewoutmyhandkerchief,andwassilent.Ihadnotbeensoindulgentlytreatedagreatwhilebyapersonofcharacteranddistinction,[suchIthoughther;]anddurstnottrusttotheaccentofmyvoice.
ThepretendedMissMontaguejoinedinonthisoccasion:anddrawingherchairclosetome,tookmyotherhand,andbesoughtmetoforgivehercousin;andconsenttorankmyselfasoneoftheprincipalsofafamilythathadlong,verylong,covetedthehonourofmyalliance.
Iamashamedtorepeattoyou,mydear,nowIknowwhatwretchesthey
are,thetender,theobliging,andtherespectfulthingsIsaidtothem.
Thewretchhimselfthencameforward.Hethrewhimselfatmyfeet.HowwasIbeset!--Thewomengrasping,onemyrighthand,theothermyleft:thepretendedMissMontaguepressingtoherlipsmorethanoncethehandsheheld:thewickedmanonhisknees,imploringmyforgiveness;andsettingbeforememyhappyandmyunhappyprospects,asIshouldforgiveandnotforgivehim.Allthathethoughtwouldaffectmeinformerpleas,andthoseofCapt.Tomlinson,herepeated.Hevowed,hepromised,hebespokethepretendedladiestoanswerforhim;andtheyengagedtheir
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honoursinhisbehalf.
Indeed,mydear,Iwasdistressed,perfectlydistressed.IwassorrythatIhadgivenwaytothisvisit.ForIknewnothow,intendernesstorelations,(asIthoughtthem,)soworthy,totreatsofreelyashedeserved,amannearlyalliedtothem:sothatmyargumentsandmyresolutionsweredeprivedoftheirgreatestforce.
Ipleaded,however,myapplicationtoyou.Iexpectedeveryhour,Itoldthem,ananswerfromyoutoaletterIhadwritten,whichwoulddecidemyfuturedestiny.
Theyofferedtoapplytoyouthemselvesinperson,intheirownbehalf,astheypolitelytermedit.Theybesoughtmetowritetoyoutohastenyouranswer.
Isaid,Iwassurethatyouwouldwritethemomentthattheeventofanapplicationtobemadetoathirdpersonenabledyoutowrite.Butastothesuccessoftheirrequestinbehalfoftheirkinsman,thatdependednotupontheexpectedanswer;forthat,Ibeggedtheirpardon,wasoutofthequestion.Iwishedhimwell.Iwishedhimhappy.ButIwasconvinced,thatIneithercouldmakehimso,norheme.
Then!howthewretchpromised!--Howhevowed!--Howheentreated!--Andhow
thewomenpleaded!--Andtheyengagedthemselves,andthehonouroftheirwholefamily,forhisjust,hiskind,histenderbehaviourtome.
Inshort,mydear,Iwassohardset,thatIwasobligedtocometoamorefavourablecompromisewiththemthanIhadintended.Iwouldwaitforyouranswertomyletter,Isaid:andifthatmadedoubtfulordifficultthechangeofmeasuresIhadresolvedupon,andtheschemeoflifeIhadformed,Iwouldthenconsiderofthematter;and,iftheywouldpermitme,layallbeforethem,andtaketheiradviceuponit,inconjunctionwithyour's,asiftheoneweremyownaunt,andtheotherweremyowncousin.
Theyshedtearsuponthis--ofjoytheycalledthem:--Butsince,I
believe,totheircredit,badastheyare,thattheyweretearsoftemporaryremorse;for,thepretendedMissMontagueturnedabout,and,asIremember,said,Therewasnostandingit.
ButMr.Lovelacewasnotsoeasilysatisfied.Hewasfixeduponhisvillanousmeasuresperhaps;andsomightnotbesorrytohaveapretenceagainstme.Hebithislip--hehadbeenbuttoomuchused,hesaid,tosuchindifference,suchcoldness,intheverymidstofhishappiestprospects.Ihadontwentyoccasionsshownhim,tohisinfiniteregret,thatanyfavourIwastoconferuponhimwastobetheresultof--therehestopt--andnotofmychoice.
Thishadliketohavesetallbackagain.Iwasexceedinglyoffended.
Butthepretendedladiesinterposed.Theelderseverelytookhimtotask.Heought,shetoldhim,tobesatisfiedwithwhatIhadsaid.Shedesirednoothercondition.Andwhat,Sir,saidshe,withanairofauthority,wouldyoucommiterrors,andexpecttoberewardedforthem?
Theythenengagedmeinamoreagreeableconversation--thepretendedladydeclared,thatshe,LordM.andLadySarah,woulddirectlyandpersonallyinterestthemselvestobringaboutageneralreconciliationbetweenthetwofamilies,andthiseitherinopenorprivateconcertwithmyuncleHarlowe,asshouldbethoughtfit.Animositiesononesidehadbeen
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carriedagreatway,shesaid;andtoolittlecarehadbeenshownontheothertomollifyorheal.Myfathershouldseethattheycouldtreathimasabrotherandafriend;andmybrotherandsistershouldbeconvincedthattherewasnoroomeitherforthejealously[sic]orenvytheyhadconceivedfrommotivestoounworthytobeavowed.
CouldIhelp,mydear,beingpleasedwiththem?--
Permitmeheretobreakoff.Thetaskgrowstooheavy,atpresent,fortheheartof
YourCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLXVIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[INCONTINUATION.]
Iwasveryill,andobligedtolaydownmypen.IthoughtIshouldhavefainted.Butambetternow--sowillproceed.
Thepretendedladies,themorewetalked,thefondertheyseemedtobeofme.AndtheLadyBettyhadMrs.Moorecalledup;andaskedher,Ifshehadaccommodationsforhernieceandself,herwoman,andtwomenservants,forthreeorfourdays?
Mr.Lovelaceansweredforherthatshehad.
ShewouldnotaskherdearnieceLovelace,[Permitme,mydear,whisperedshe,thischarmingstylebeforestrangers!Iwillkeepyouruncle'ssecret,]whethersheshouldbewelcomeornottobesonearher.Butforthetimesheshouldstayintheseparts,shewouldcomeupeverynight--Whatsayyou,nieceCharlotte?
ThepretendedCharlotteanswered,sheshouldliketodoso,ofallthings.
TheLadyBettycalledheranobliginggirl.Shelikedtheplace,shesaid.HercousinLeesonwouldexcuseher.Theair,andmycompany,woulddohergood.Sheneverchosetolieinthesmokytown,ifshecouldhelpit.Inshort,mydear,saidshetome,IwillstaywithyoutillyouhearfromMissHowe;andtillIhaveyourconsenttogowithmetoGlenham-hall.NotonemomentwillIbeoutofyourcompany,whenIcanhaveit.Stedman,mysolicitor,asthedistancefromtownissosmall,mayattendmehereforinstructions.NieceCharlotte,onewordwithyou,child.
Theyretiredtothefurtherendoftheroom,andtalkedabouttheirnight-dresses.
TheMissCharlottesaid,Morrisonmightbedispatchedforthem.
True,saidtheother--butIhavesomelettersinmyprivatebox,whichImusthaveup.Andyouknow,Charlotte,thatItrustnobodywiththekeysofthat.
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CouldnotMorrisonbringupthebox?
No.Shethoughtitsafestwhereitwas.ShehadheardofarobberycommittedbuttwodaysagoatthefoodofHampstead-hill;andsheshouldberuinedinshelostherbox.
Well,then,itwasbutgoingtotowntoundress,andshewouldleaveherjewelsbehindher,andreturn;andshouldbeeasieragreatdealonallaccounts.
Formypart,Iwonderedtheycameupwiththem.Butthatwastobetakenasarespectpaidtome.Andthentheyhintedatanothervisitofceremonywhichtheyhadthoughttomake,hadtheynotfoundmesoinexpressiblyengaging.
Theytalkedloudenoughformetohearthem;onpurpose,nodoubt,thoughinaffectedwhispers;andconcludedwithhighpraisesofme.
Iwasnotfoolenoughtobelieve,ortobepuffedupwiththeirencomiums;yetnotsuspectingthem,IwasnotdispleasedatsofavourableabeginningofacquaintancewithLadies(whetherIweretoberelatedtothemornot)ofwhomIhadalwaysheardhonourablemention.Andyetatthetime,Ithought,highlyastheyexaltedme,thatinsomerespects(thoughIhardlyknowinwhat)theyfellshortofwhatIexpectedthemto
be.Thegranddeluderwasatthefartherendoftheroom,anotherway;probablytogivemeanopportunitytohearthesepreconcertedpraises--lookingintoabook,whichhadtherenotbeenapreconcert,wouldnothavetakenhisattentionforonemoment.ItwasTaylor'sHolyLivingandDying.
Whenthepretendedladiesjoinedme,heapproachedmewithitinhishand--asmartbook,this,mydear!--thisolddivineaffects,Isee,amightyflowerystyleofanordinarycountryfuneral,where,theyoungwomen,inhonourofadefunctcompanion,especiallyifshewereavirgin,orpassedforsuch,makeaflower-bedofhercoffin.
Andthen,layingdownthebook,turninguponhisheel,withoneofhisusualairsofgaiety,Andareyoudetermined,Ladies,totakeupyourlodgingswithmycharmingcreature?
Indeedtheywere.
Neverweretheremorecunning,moreartfulimpostors,thanthesewomen.Practisedcreatures,tobesure:yetgenteel;andtheymusthavebeenwell-educated--once,perhaps,asmuchthedelightoftheirparents,asIwasofmine:andwhoknowsbywhatartsruined,bodyandmind--Omydear!howpregnantisthisreflection!
Buttheman!--Neverwasthereamansodeep.Neversoconsummateadeceiver;exceptthatdetestedTomlinson;whoseyearsandseriousness,joinedwithasolidityofsenseandjudgmentthatseemeduncommon,gavehim,onewouldhavethought,advantagesinvillany,theotherhadnottimefor.Hard,veryhard,thatIshouldfallintotheknowledgeoftwosuchwretches;whentwomoresuchIhopearenottobemetwithintheworld!--bothsodeterminedtocarryonthemostbarbarousandperfidiousprojectsagainstapooryoungcreature,whoneverdidorwishedharmtoeither.
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Takethefollowingslightaccountofthesewomen'sandofthisman'sbehaviourtoeachotherbeforeme.
Mr.Lovelacecarriedhimselftohispretendedauntwithhighrespect,andpaidagreatdeferencetoallshesaid.Hepermittedhertohavealltheadvantageoverhiminthereparteesandretortsthatpassedbetweenthem.Icould,indeed,easilysee,thatitwaspermitted;andthatheforborethatvivacity,thatquickness,whichheneversparedshowingtohispretendedMissMontague;andwhichamanofwitseldomknowshowtospareshowing,whenanopportunityofferstodisplayhiswit.
ThepretendedMissMontaguewasstillmorerespectfulinherbehaviourtoherpretendedaunt.Whiletheauntkeptupthedignityofthecharactershehadassumed,rallyingbothofthemwiththeairofapersonwhodependsuponthesuperioritywhichyearsandfortunegiveoveryoungerpersons,whomighthaveaviewtobeobligedtoher,eitherinherlife,oratherdeath.
Theseverityofherraillery,however,wasturneduponMr.Lovelace,onoccasionofthecharacterofthepeoplewhokeptthelodgings,which,shesaid,Ihadthoughtmyselfsowellwarrantedtoleaveprivately.
Thisstartledme.ForhavingthennosuspicionofthevileTomlinson,Iconcluded(andyourletterofthe7th*favouredmyconclusion)thatif
thehousewerenotorious,eitherhe,orMr.Mennell,wouldhavegivenmeorhimsomehintsofit--nor,althoughIlikednotthepeople,didIobserveanythinginthemveryculpable,tilltheWednesdaynightbefore,thattheyofferednottocometomyassistance,althoughwithinhearingofmydistress,(asIamsuretheywere,)andhavingasmuchreasonasItobefrightedatthefire,haditbeenreal.
*Hisforgedletter.SeeVol.V.LetterXXX.
IlookedwithindignationuponMr.Lovelace,atthishint.
Heseemedabashed.Ihavenotpatience,buttorecollectthespeciouslooksofthisviledeceiver.Buthowwasitpossible,thateventhatfloridcountenanceofhisshouldenablehimtocommandablushathispleasure?forblushhedid,morethanonce:andtheblush,onthisoccasion,wasadeep-dyedcrimson,unstrainedfor,andnatural,asIthought--butheissomuchoftheactor,thatheseemsabletoenterintoanycharacter;andhismusclesandfeaturesappearentirelyunderobediencetohiswickedwill.*
*Itispropertoobserve,thattherewasamorenaturalreasonthanthisthattheLadygivesforMr.Lovelace'sblushing.Itwasablushofindignation,asheownedafterwardstohisfriendBelford,in
conversation;forthepretendedLadyBettyhadmistakenhercue,incondemningthehouse;andhehadmuchadotorecovertheblunder;beingobligedtofollowherlead,andvaryfromhisfirstdesign;whichwastohavethepeopleofthehousespokenwellof,inordertoinducehertoreturntoit,wereitbutonpretencetodirectherclothestobecarriedtoHampstead.
Thepretendedladywenton,saying,shehadtakenuponherselftoinquireafterthepeople,onhearingthatIhadleftthehouseindisgust;and
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thoughsheheardnotanythingmuchamiss,yetsheheardenoughtomakeherwonderthathecouldcarryhisspouse,apersonofsomuchdelicacy,toahouse,that,ifithadnotabadfame,hadnotagoodone.
Youmustthink,mydear,thatIlikedthepretendedLadyBettythebetterforthis.IsupposeitwasdesignedthatIshould.
Hewassurprised,hesaid,thatherLadyshipshouldhearabadcharacterofthepeople.Itwaswhathehadneverbeforeheardthattheydeserved.Itwaseasy,indeed,tosee,thattheyhadnotverygreatdelicacy,thoughtheywerenotindelicate.Thenatureoftheirlivelihood,lettinglodgings,andtakingpeopletoboard,(andyethehadunderstoodthattheywereniceintheseparticulars,)ledthemtoaimatbeingfreeandobliging:anditwasdifficult,hesaid,forpersonsofcheerfuldispositions,sotobehaveastoavoidcensure:opennessofheartandcountenanceinthesex(morewasthepity)toooftensubjectedgoodpeople,whosefortunesdidnotsetthemabovetheworld,touncharitablecensure.
Hewished,however,thatherLadyshipwouldtellwhatshehadheard:althoughnowitsignifiedbutlittle,becausehewouldneveraskmetosetfootwithintheirdoorsagain:andhebeggedshewouldnotmincethematter.
Nay,nogreatmatter,shesaid.Butshehadbeeninformed,thatthereweremorewomen-lodgersinthehousethanmen:yetthattheirvisitersweremorementhanwomen.Andthishadbeenhintedtoher(perhapsbyill-wishers,shecouldnotanswerforthat)insuchaway,asifsomewhatfurtherweremeantbyitthanwasspoken.
This,hesaid,wasthetrueinnuendo-wayofcharacterizing,usedbydetractors.Everybodyandeverythinghadablackandawhiteside,ofwhichwellwishersandillwishersmaymaketheiradvantage.Hehadobservedthatthefronthousewaswelllet,andhebelievedmoretotheonesexthantotheother;forhehadseen,occasionallypassingtoorfro,severalgenteelmodestlookingwomen;andwho,itwasveryprobable,werenotsoill-beloved,buttheymighthavevisitersandrelationsof
bothsexes:buttheywerenoneofthemanythingtous,orwetothem:wewerenotonceinanyoftheircompanies:butinthegenteelestandmostretiredhouseofthetwo,whichwehadinamannertoourselves,withtheuseofaparlourtothestreet,toserveusforaservants'hall,ortoreceivecommonvisiters,orourtradersonly,whomweadmittednotupstairs.
Healwayslovedtospeakashefound.Nomanintheworldhadsufferedmorefromcalumnythanhehimselfhaddone.
Women,heowned,oughttobemorescrupulousthanmenneededtobewheretheylodged.Neverthelesshewishedthatfact,ratherthansurmise,weretobethefoundationoftheirjudgments,especiallywhentheyspokeof
oneanother.
HemeantnoreflectionuponherLadyship'sinformants,orrathersurmisants,(ashemightcallthem,)betheywhotheywould:nordidhethinkhimselfobligedtodefendcharactersimpeached,ornotthoughtwellof,bywomenofvirtueandhonour.Neitherwerethesepeopleofimportanceenoughtohavesomuchsaidaboutthem.
ThepretendedLadyBettysaid,allwhoknewher,wouldclearherofcensoriousness:thatitgavehersomeopinion,shemustneedssay,ofthe
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people,thathehadcontinuedtheresolongwithme;thatIhadrathernegativethanpositivereasonsofdisliketothem;andthatsoshrewdamanassheheardCaptainTomlinsonwashadnotobjectedtothem.
Ithink,nieceCharlotte,proceededshe,asmynephewhadnotpartedwiththeselodgings,youandI,(for,asmydearMissHarlowedislikesthepeople,Iwouldnotaskherforhercompany)willtakeadishofteawithmynephewthere,beforewegooutoftown;andthenweshallseewhatsortofpeopletheyare.IhaveheardthatMrs.Sinclairisamightyforbiddingcreature.
Withallmyheart,Madam.InyourLadyship'scompanyIshallmakenoscrupleofgoinganywhere.
ItwasLadyshipateveryword;andassheseemedproudofhertitle,andofherdresstoo,Imighthaveguessedthatshewasnotusedtoeither.
Whatsayyou,cousinLovelace?LadySarah,thoughamelancholywoman,isveryinquisitiveaboutallyouraffairs.ImustacquaintherwitheveryparticularcircumstancewhenIgodown.
Withallhisheart.Hewouldattendherwhenevershepleased.Shewouldseeveryhandsomeapartments,andverycivilpeople.
Thedeuceisinthem,saidtheMissMontague,iftheyappearothertous.Shethenfellintofamilytalk;familyhappinessonmyhoped-foraccessionintoit.TheymentionedLordM.'sandLadySarah'sgreatdesiretoseeme:howmanyfriendsandadmirers,withuplifthands,Ishouldhave![Oh!mydear,whatatriumphmustthesecreatures,andhe,haveoverthepoordevotedallthetime!]--Whatahappymanhewouldbe!--Theywouldnot,theLadyBettysaid,givethemselvesthemortificationbuttosupposethatIshouldnotbeoneofthem!
Presentswerehintedat.SheresolvedthatIshouldgowithhertoGlenham-hall.Shewouldnotberefused,althoughsheweretostayaweekbeyondhertimeforme.
Shelongedfortheexpectedletterfromyou.Imustwritetohastenit,andtoletMissHoweknowhoweverythingstoodsinceIwrotelast.Thatmightdisposemeabsolutelyinherfavourandinhernephew's;andthenshehopedtherewouldbenooccasionformetothinkofenteringuponanynewmeasures.
Indeed,mydear,Ididatthetimeintend,ifIheardnotfromyoubymorning,todispatchamanandhorsetoyou,withtheparticularsofall,thatyoumight(ifyouthoughtproper)atleastputoffMrs.Townsend'scominguptoanotherday.--ButIwasmiserablyprevented.
ShemademepromisethatIwouldwritetoyouuponthissubject,whether
Iheardfromyouornot.Oneofherservantsshouldridepostwithmyletter,andwaitforMissHowe'sanswer.
Shethenlaunchedoutindeservedpraisesofyou,mydear.Howfondsheshouldbeofthehonourofyouracquaintance.
ThepretendedMissMontaguejoinedinwithher,aswellforherselfasforhersister.
Abominablywellinstructedweretheyboth!
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Omydear!whatrisksmaypoorgiddygirlsrun,whentheythrowthemselvesoutoftheprotectionoftheirnaturalfriends,andintothewideworld!
Thethentalkedagainofreconciliationandintimacywitheveryoneofmyfriends;withmymotherparticularly;andgavethedeargoodladythepraisesthateveryonegivesher,whohasthehappinesstoknowher.
Ah,mydearMissHowe!Ihadalmostforgotmyresentmentsagainstthepretendednephew!--Somanyagreeablethingssaid,mademethink,that,ifyoushouldadviseit,andifIcouldbringmymindtoforgivethewretchforanoutragesopremeditatedlyvile,andcouldforbeardespisinghimforthatandhisotherungratefulandwickedways,Imightnotbeunhappyinanalliancewithsuchafamily.Yet,thoughtIatthetime,withwhatintermixturedoeseverythingcometomethathadtheappearanceofgood!----However,asmylucidhopesmademeseefewerfaultsinthebehaviourofthesepretendedladies,thanrecollectionandabhorrencehavehelpedmesincetosee,Ibegantoreproachmyself,thatIhadnotatfirstthrownmyselfintotheirprotection.
Butamidstallthesedelightfulprospects,Imustnot,saidtheLadyBetty,forgetthatIamtogototown.
Shethenorderedhercoachtobegottothedoor.--Wewillallgototowntogether,saidshe,andreturntogether.Morrisonshallstayhere,andseeeverythingasIamusedtohaveit,inrelationtomyapartment,andmybed;forIamveryparticularinsomerespects.MycousinLeeson'sservantscandoallIwanttobedonewithregardtomynight-dresses,andthelike.Anditwillbealittleairingforyou,mydear,andawantofyourappareltobesentfromyourformerlodgingstoMrs.Leeson's;andwecanbringitupwithusfromthence.
Ihadnointentiontocomply.ButasIdidnotimaginethatshewouldinsistuponmygoingtotownwiththem,Imadenoanswertothatpartofherspeech.
Imustherelaydownmytiredpen!
Recollection!heart-affectingrecollection!howitpainsme!
LETTERLXIX
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWE
Inthemidstofthisagreeableness,thecoachcametothedoor.ThepretendedLadyBettybesoughtmetogivethemmycompanytotheircousin
Leeson's.Idesiredtobeexcused:yetsuspectednothing.Shewouldnotbedenied.HowhappywouldavisitsocondescendingmakehercousinLeeson!----HercousinLeesonwasnotunworthyofmyacquaintance:andwouldtakeitforthegreatestfavourintheworld.
Iobjectedmydress.Buttheobjectionwasnotadmitted.ShebespokeasupperofMrs.Mooretobereadyatnine.
Mr.Lovelace,vilehypocrite,andwickeddeceiver!seeing,ashesaid,mydisliketogo,desiredhisLadyshipnottoinsistuponit.
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Fondnessformycompanywaspleaded.Shebeggedmetoobligeher:madeamotiontohelpmetomyfanherself:and,inshort,wassoveryurgent,thatmyfeetcompliedagainstmyspeechandmymind:andbeing,inamanner,ledtothecoachbyher,andmadetostepinfirst,shefollowedme:andherpretendedniece,andthewretch,followedher:andawayitdrove.
Nothingbuttheheightofaffectionatecomplaisancepassedalltheway:overandover,whatajoywouldthisunexpectedvisitgivehercousinLeeson!Whatapleasuremustitbetosuchamindasmine,tobeabletogivesomuchjoytoeverybodyIcamenear!
Thecruel,thesavageseducer(asIhavesincerecollected)wasinarapturealltheway;butyetsuchasortofrapture,ashetookvisiblepainstocheck.
Hatefulvillain!howIabhorhim!--Whatmischiefmustbetheninhisplottingheart!--WhatadevotedvictimmustIbeinalltheireyes!
Thoughnotpleased,Iwasneverthelessjustthenthoughtlessofdanger;theyendeavouringthustoliftmeupaboveallapprehensionsofthat,andabovemyselftoo.
Butthink,mydear,whatadreadfulturnallhaduponme,when,throughseveralstreetsandwaysIknewnothingof,thecoachslackeningitspace,camewithinsightofthedreadfulhouseofthedreadfullestwomanintheworld;assheprovedtome.
Lordbegooduntome!criedthepoorfool,lookingoutofthecoach--Mr.Lovelace!--Madam!turningtothepretendedLadyBetty!--Madam!turningtotheniece,myhandsandeyesliftedup--Lordbegooduntome!
What!What!What!mydear.
Hepulledthestring--Whatneedtohavecomethisway?saidhe--Butsinceweare,Iwillbutaskaquestion--Mydearestlife,whythis
apprehension?
Thecoachmanstopped:hisservant,who,withoneofher'swasbehind,alighted--Ask,saidhe,ifIhaveanyletters?Whoknows,mydearestcreature,turningtome,butwemayalreadyhaveonefromtheCaptain?--Wewillnotgooutofthecoach!--Fearnothing--Whysoapprehensive?--Oh!thesefinespirits!--criedtheexecrableinsulter.
Dreadfullydidmyheartthenmisgiveme:Iwasreadytofaint.Whythisterror,mylife?youshallnotstiroutofthecoachbutonequestion,nowthefellowhasdroveusthisway.
Yourladywillfaint,criedtheexecrableLadyBetty,turningtohim--My
dearestNiece!(nieceIwillcallyou,takingmyhand)--wemustalight,ifyouaresoill.--Letusalight--onlyforaglassofwaterandhartshorn--indeedwemustalight.
No,no,no--Iamwell--quitewell--Won'tthemandriveon?--Iamwell--quitewell--indeedIam.--Man,driveon,puttingmyheadoutofthecoach--Man,driveon!--thoughmyvoicewastoolowtobeheard.
Thecoachstoptatthedoor.HowItrembled!
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Dorcascametothedoor,onitsstopping.
Mydearestcreature,saidthevileman,gasping,asitwereforbreath,youshallnotalight--Anylettersforme,Dorcas?
Therearetwo,Sir.Andhereisagentleman,Mr.Belton,Sir,waitsforyourhonour;andhasdonesoaboveanhour.
I'lljustspeaktohim.Openthedoor--Yousha'n'tstepout,mydear--AletterperhapsfromCaptainalready!--Yousha'n'tstepout,mydear.
Isighedasifmyheartwouldburst.
Butwemuststepout,Nephew:yourladywillfaint.Maid,aglassofhartshornandwater!--Mydearyoumuststepout--Youwillfaint,child--Wemustcutyourlaces.--[Ibelievemycomplexionwasallmannerofcoloursbyturns]--Indeed,youmuststepout,mydear.
Heknew,saidI,Ishouldbewell,themomentthecoachdrovefromthedoor.Ishouldnotalight.Byhissoul,Ishouldnot.
Lord,Lord,Nephew,Lord,Lord,Cousin,bothwomeninabreath,whatadoyoumakeaboutnothing!Youpersuadeyourladytobeafraidofalighting.--Seeyounotthatsheisjustfainting?
Indeed,Madam,saidthevileseducer,mydearestlovemustnotbemovedinthispointagainstherwill.Ibegitmaynotbeinsistedupon.
Fiddle-faddle,foolishman--Whatapotherishere!Iguesshowitis:youareashamedtoletusseewhatsortofpeopleyoucarriedyourladyamong--butdoyougoout,andspeaktoyourfriend,andtakeyourletters.
Hesteptout;butshutthecoach-doorafterhim,toobligeme.
Thecoachmaygoon,Madam,saidI.
Thecoachshallgoon,mydearlife,saidhe.--Buthegavenot,norintendedtogive,ordersthatitshould.
Letthecoachgoon!saidI--Mr.Lovelacemaycomeafterus.
Indeed,mydear,youareill!--Indeedyoumustalight--alightbutforonequarterofanhour.--Alightbuttogiveordersyourselfaboutyourthings.Whomcanyoubeafraidofinmycompany,andmyniece's;thesepeoplemusthavebehavedshockinglytoyou!PleasetheLord,I'llinquireintoit!--I'llseewhatsortofpeopletheyare!
Immediatelycametheoldcreaturetothedoor.Athousandpardons,dearMadam,steppingtothecoach-side,ifwehaveanywayoffendedyou--Be
pleased,Ladies,[totheothertwo]toalight.
Well,mydear,whisperedtheLadyBetty,Inowfindthatanhideousdescriptionofapersonweneversawisanadvantagetothem.Ithoughtthewomanwasamonster--but,really,sheseemstolerable.
IwasafraidIshouldhavefallenintofits:butstillrefusedtogoout--Man!--Man!--Man!--criedI,gaspingly,myheadoutofthecoachandin,byturns,halfadozentimesrunning,driveon!--Letusgo!
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Myheartmisgavemebeyondthepowerofmyownaccountingforit;forstillIdidnotsuspectthesewomen.ButtheantipathyIhadtakentothevilehouse,andtofindmyselfsonearit,whenIexpectednosuchmatter,withthesightoftheoldcreature,alltogethermademebehavelikeadistractedperson.
Thehartshornandwaterwasbrought.ThepretendedLadyBettymademedrinkit.Heavenknowsiftherewasanythingelseinit!
Besides,saidshe,whisperingly,Imustseewhatsortofcreaturestheniecesare.Wantofdelicacycannotbehidfromme.Youcouldnotsurely,mydear,havethisaversiontore-enterahouse,forafewminutes,inourcompany,inwhichyoulodgedandboardedseveralweeks,unlessthesewomencouldbesopresumptuouslyvile,asmynephewoughtnottoknow.
Outsteptthepretendedlady;theservant,athercommand,havingopenedthedoor.
DearestMadam,saidtheothertome,letmefollowyou,[forIwasnextthedoor.]Fearnothing:Iwillnotstirfromyourpresence.
Come,mydear,saidthepretendedlady,givemeyourhand;holdingouther's.Obligemethisonce.
Iwillblessyourfootsteps,saidtheoldcreature,ifoncemoreyouhonourmyhousewithyourpresence.
Acrowdbythistimewasgatheredaboutus;butIwastoomuchaffectedtomindthat.
AgainthepretendedMissMontagueurgedme;standingupasreadytogooutifIwouldgiveherroom.--Lord,mydear,saidshe,whocanbearthiscrowd?--Whatwillpeoplethink?
ThepretendedLadyagainpressedme,withbothherhandsheldout--Only,mydear,togiveordersaboutyourthings.
Andthuspressed,andgazedat,(forthenIlookedaboutme,)thewomensorichlydressed,peoplewhispering;inanevilmoment,outsteppedI,trembling,forcedtoleanwithbothmyhands(frightedtoomuchforceremony)onthepretendedLadyBetty'sarm--Oh!thatIhaddroppeddowndeadupontheguiltythreshold!
Weshallstaybutafewminutes,mydear!--butafewminutes!saidthesamespeciousjilt--outofbreathwithherjoy,asIhavesincethought,thattheyhadthustriumphedovertheunhappyvictim!
Come,Mrs.Sinclair,Ithinkyournameis,showustheway----followingher,andleadingme.Iamverythirsty.Youhavefrightedme,mydear,
withyourstrangefears.Imusthaveteamade,ifitcanbedoneinamoment.Wehavefarthertogo,Mrs.Sinclair,andmustreturntoHampsteadthisnight.
Itshallbereadyinamoment,criedthewretch.Wehavewaterboiling.
Hasten,then--Come,mydear,tome,assheledmethroughthepassagetothefatalinnerhouse--leanuponme--howyoutremble!--howyoufalterinyoursteps!--DearestnieceLovelace,[theoldwretchbeinginhearing,]whythesehurriesuponyourspirits?--We'llbegoneinaminute.
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Andthussheledthepoorsacrificeintotheoldwretch'stoo-well-knownparlour.
Neverwasanybodysogentle,someek,solowvoiced,astheodiouswoman;drawlingout,inapulingaccent,alltheobligingthingsshecouldsay:awed,Ithenthought,bytheconsciousdignityofawomanofquality;glitteringwithjewels.
Thecalled-forteawasreadypresently.
TherewasnoMr.Belton,Ibelieve:forthewretchwentnottoanybody,unlessitwerewhilewewereparlyinginthecoach.Nosuchpersonhowever,appearedatthetea-table.
Iwasmadetodrinktwodishes,withmilk,complaisantlyurgedbythepretendedladieshelpingmeeachtoone.Iwasstupidtotheirhands;and,whenItookthetea,almostchokedwithvapours;andcouldhardlyswallow.
Ithought,transientlythought,thatthetea,thelastdishparticularly,hadanoddtaste.They,onmypalatingit,observed,thatthemilkwasLondon-milk;farshortingoodnessofwhattheywereaccustomedtofromtheirowndairies.
Ihavenodoubtthatmytwodishes,andperhapsmyhartshorn,werepreparedforme;inwhichcaseitwasmoreproperfortheirpurpose,thattheyshouldhelpme,thanthatIshouldhelpmyself.Illbefore,Ifoundmyselfstillmoreandmoredisorderedinmyhead;aheavytorpidpainincreasingfastuponme.ButIimputedittomyterror.
Nevertheless,atthepretendedLady'smotion,Iwentupstairs,attendedbyDorcas;whoaffectedtoweepforjoy,thatsheoncemoresawmyblessedface;thatwasthevilecreature'sword:andimmediatelyIsetabouttakingoutsomeofmyclothes,orderingwhatshouldbeputup,andwhatsentafterme.
WhileIwasthusemployed,upcamethepretendedLadyBetty,inahurryingway----Mydear,youwon'tbelongbeforeyouareready.Mynephewisverybusyinwritinganswerstohisletters:so,I'lljustwhipaway,andchangemydress,andcalluponyouinaninstant.
OMadam!--Iamready!Iamnowready!--Youmustnotleavemehere.AnddownIsunk,affrighted,intoachair.
Thisinstant,thisinstant,Iwillreturn--beforeyoucanbeready--beforeyoucanhavepackedupyourthings--wewouldnotbelate--therobberswehaveheardofmaybeout--don'tletusbelate.
AndawayshehurriedbeforeIcouldsayanotherword.Herpretended
niecewentwithher,withouttakingnoticetomeofhergoing.
Ihadnosuspicionyetthatthesewomenwerenotindeedtheladiestheypersonated;andIblamedmyselfformyweakfears.--Itcannotbe,thoughtI,thatsuchladieswillabettreacheryagainstapoorcreaturetheyaresofondof.Theymustundoubtedlybethepersonstheyappeartobe--whatfollytodoubtit!Theair,thedress,thedignityofwomenofquality.Howunworthyofthem,andofmycharity,concludedI,isthisungenerousshadowofsuspicion!
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So,recoveringmystupefiedspirits,aswellastheycouldberecovered,(forIwasheavierandheavier!andwonderedtoDorcaswhatailedme,rubbingmyeyes,andtakingsomeofhersnuff,pinchafterpinch,toverylittlepurpose,)Ipursuedmyemployment:butwhenthatwasover,allpackedupthatIdesignedtobepackedup;andIhadnothingtodobuttothink;andfoundthemtarrysolong;IthoughtIshouldhavegonedistracted.Ishutmyselfintothechamberthathadbeenmine;Ikneeled,Iprayed;yetknewnotwhatIprayedfor:thenranoutagain:itwasalmostdarknight,Isaid:where,where,wherewasMr.Lovelace?
Hecametome,takingnonoticeatfirstofmyconsternationandwildness,[whattheyhadgivenmemademeincoherentandwild:]Allgoeswell,saidhe,mydear!--AlinefromCapt.Tomlinson!
Allindeeddidgowellforthevillanousprojectofthemostcruelandmostvillanousofmen!
Idemandedhisaunt!--Idemandedhiscousin!--Theevening,Isaid,wasclosing!--Myheadwasvery,verybad,IrememberIsaid--anditgrewworseandworse.--
Terror,however,asyetkeptupmyspirits;andIinsisteduponhisgoinghimselftohastenthem.
Hecalledhisservant.Heravedatthesexfortheirdelay:'twaswellthatbusinessofconsequenceseldomdependeduponsuchparading,unpunctualtriflers!
Hisservantcame.
HeorderedhimtoflytohiscousinLeeson's,andtoletLadyBettyandhiscousinknowhowuneasywebothwereattheirdelay:adding,ofhisownaccord,desirethem,iftheydon'tcomeinstantly,tosendtheircoach,andwewillgowithoutthem.TellthemIwonderthey'llservemeso!
Ithoughtthiswasconsideratelyandfairlyput.Butnow,indifferentas
myheadwas,Ihadalittletimetoconsiderthemanandhisbehaviour.Heterrifiedmewithhislooks,andwithhisviolentemotions,ashegazeduponme.Evidentjoy-suppressedemotions,asIhavesincerecollected.Hissentencesshort,andpronouncedasifhisbreathweretouched.NeversawIhisabominableeyeslookasthentheylooked--Triumphinthem!--fierceandwild;andmoredisagreeablethanthewomen'satthevilehouseappearedtomewhenIfirstsawthem:andattimes,suchaleering,mischief-bodingcast!--Iwouldhavegiventheworldtohavebeenanhundredmilesfromhim.Yethisbehaviourwasdecent--adecency,however,thatImighthaveseentobestruggledfor--forhesnatchedmyhandtwoorthreetimes,withavehemenceinhisgraspthathurtme;speakingwordsoftendernessthroughhisshutteeth,asitseemed;andletitgowithabeggar-voicedhumbledaccent,likethevile
woman'sjustbefore;half-inward;yethiswordsandmannercarryingtheappearanceofstrongandalmostconvulsedpassion!--Omydear!whatmischiefwashenotthenmeditating!
Icomplainedonceortwiceofthirst.Mymouthseemedparched.Atthetime,Isupposedthatitwasmyterror(gaspingoftenasIdidforbreath)thatparcheduptheroofofmymouth.Icalledforwater:sometable-beerwasbroughtme:beer,Isuppose,wasabettervehiclefortheirpotions.Itoldthemaid,thatsheknewIseldomtastedmaltliquor:yet,suspectingnothingofthisnature,beingextremelythirsty,
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Idrankit,aswhatcamenext:andinstantly,asitwere,foundmyselfmuchworsethanbefore:asifinebriated,Ishouldfancy:Iknownothow.
Hisservantwasgonetwiceaslongasheneeded:and,justbeforehisreturn,cameoneofthepretendedLadyBetty'swithaletterforMr.Lovelace.
Hesentituptome.Ireadit:andthenitwasthatIthoughtmyselfalostcreature;itbeingtoputoffhergoingtoHampsteadthatnight,onaccountofviolentfitswhichMissMontaguewaspretendedtobeseizedwith;forthenimmediatelycameintomyheadhisvileattemptuponmeinthishouse;therevengethatmyflightmighttooprobablyinspirehimwithonthatoccasion,andbecauseofthedifficultyImadetoforgivehim,andtobereconciledtohim;hisverylookswildanddreadfultome;andthewomenofthehousesuchasIhadmorereasonthanever,evenfromthepretendedLadyBetty'shint,tobeafraidof:allthesecrowdingtogetherinmyapprehensivemind,Ifellintoakindofphrensy.
IhavenoremembrancehowIwasforthistimeitlasted:butIknowthat,inmyfirstagitations,Ipulledoffmyhead-dress,andtoremyrufflesintwentytatters,andrantofindhimout.
Whenalittlerecovered,Iinsisteduponthehinthehadgivenmeoftheircoach.Butthemessenger,hesaid,hadtoldhim,thatitwassent
tofetchaphysician,lesthischariotshouldbeputup,ornotready.ItheninsistedupongoingdirectlytoLadyBetty'slodgings.
Mrs.Leeson'swasnowacrowdedhouse,hesaid:andasmyearnestnesscouldbeowingtonothingbutgroundlessapprehensions,[andOh!whatvows,whatprotestationsofhishonour,didhethenmake!]hehopedIwouldnotaddtotheirpresentconcern.Charlotte,indeed,wasusedtofits,hesaid,uponanygreatsurprises,whetherofjoyorgrief;andtheywouldholdherforoneweektogether,ifnotgotoffinafewhours.
Youareanobserverofeyes,mydear,saidthevillain;perhapsinsecretinsult:SawyounotinMissMontague's,now-and-thenatHampstead,
somethingwildish?Iwasafraidforherthen.Silenceandquietonlydohergood:yourconcernforher,andherloveforyou,willbutaugmentthepoorgirl'sdisorder,ifyoushouldgo.
Allimpatientwithgriefandapprehension,Istilldeclaredmyselfresolvednottostayinthathousetillmorning.AllIhadintheworld,myrings,mywatch,mylittlemoney,foracoach;or,ifonewerenottobegot,IwouldgoonfoottoHampsteadthatnight,thoughIwalkeditbymyself.
Acoachwashereuponsentfor,orpretendedtobesentfor.Anyprice,hesaid,hewouldgivetoobligeme,lateasitwas;andhewouldattendmewithallhissoul.Butnocoachwastobegot.
Letmecutshorttherest.Igrewworseandworseinmyhead!nowstupid,nowraving,nowsenseless.Thevilestofvilewomenwasbroughttofrightenme.Neverwastheresohorribleacreatureassheapprearedtomeatthistime.
IrememberIpleadedformercy.IrememberthatIsaidIwouldbehis--indeedIwouldbehis--toobtainhismercy.ButnomercyfoundI!Mystrength,myintellectsfailedme--Andthensuchscenesfollowed--Omydear,suchdreadfulscenes!--fitsuponfits,(faintlyindeedand
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imperfectlyremembered,)procuringmenocompassion--Butdeathwaswithheldfromme.Thatwouldhavebeentoogreatamercy!
***
ThuswasItrickedanddeludedbackbyblackerheartsofmyownsexthanIthoughttherewereintheworld;whoappearedtometobepersonsofhonour;and,wheninhispower,thusbarbarouslywasItreatedbythisvillanousman!
Iwassosenseless,thatIdarenotaver,thatthehorridcreaturesofthehousewerepersonallyaidingandabetting:butsomevisionaryremembrancesIhaveoffemalefigures,flitting,asImaysay,beforemysight;thewretchedwoman'sparticularly.ButastheseconfusedideasmightbeowingtotheterrorIhadconceivedoftheworsethanmasculineviolenceshehadbeenpermittedtoassumetome,forexpressingmyabhorrenceofherhouse;andaswhatIsufferedfromhisbarbaritywantsnotthataggravation;Iwillsaynomoreonasubjectsoshockingasthismusteverbetomyremembrance.
Ineversawthepersonatingwretchesafterwards.Hepersistedtothelast,(dreadfullyinvokingHeavenasawitnesstothetruthofhis
assertion)thattheywerereallyandtrulytheladiestheypretendedtobe;declaring,thattheycouldnottakeleaveofme,whentheylefttown,becauseofthestateofsenselessnessandphrensyIwasin.Fortheirintoxicating,orratherstupefying,potionshadalmostdeleteriouseffectsuponmyintellects,asIhavehinted;insomuchthat,forseveraldaystogether,Iwasunderastrangedelirium;nowmoping,nowdozing,nowweeping,nowraving,nowscribbling,tearingwhatIscribbledasfastasIwroteit:mostmiserablewhennow-and-thenarayofreasonbroughtconfusedlytomyremembrancewhatIhadsuffered.
LETTERLXX
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[INCONTINUATION.]
[Theladynextgivesanaccount,
Ofherrecoveryfromherdeliriumandsleepydisorder:
Ofherattempttogetawayinhisabsence:
Oftheconversationsthatfollowed,athisreturn,betweenthem:
Oftheguiltyfigurehemade:
Ofherresolutionnottohavehim:
Ofherseveraleffortstoescape:
OfhertreatywithDorcastoassistherinit:
OfDorcas'sdroppingthepromissorynote,undoubtedly,asshesays,onpurposetobetrayher:
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Ofhertriumphoverallthecreaturesofthehouse,assembledtoterrifyher;andperhapstocommitfreshoutragesuponher:
OfhissettingoutforM.Hall:
Ofhisrepeatedletterstoinducehertomeethimatthealtar,onheruncle'sanniversary:
Ofherdeterminedsilencetothemall:
Ofhersecondescape,effected,asshesays,contrarytoherownexpectation:theattemptbeingatfirstbuttheintendedpreludetoamorepromisingone,whichshehadformedinhermind:
Andofotherparticulars;whichbeingtobefoundinMr.Lovelace'sletterspreceding,andtheletterofhisfriendBelford,areomitted.Shethenproceeds:]
TheveryhourthatIfoundmyselfinaplaceofsafety,Itookpentowritetoyou.WhenIbegan,Idesignedonlytowritesixoreightlines,toinquireafteryourhealth:for,havingheardnothingfromyou,Ifearedindeed,thatyouhadbeen,andstillwere,tooilltowrite.But
nosoonerdidmypenbegintoblotthepaper,butmysadhearthurrieditintolength.TheapprehensionsIhadlainunder,thatIshouldnotbeabletogetaway;thefatigueIhadineffectingmyescape:thedifficultyofprocuringalodgingformyself;havingdislikedthepeopleoftwohouses,andthoseofathirddislikingme;foryoumustthinkImadeafrightedappearance--these,togetherwiththerecollectionofwhatIhadsufferedfromhim,andmyfartherapprehensionsofmyinsecurity,andmydesolatecircumstances,hadsodisorderedme,thatIrememberIrambledstrangelyinthatletter.
Inshort,Ithoughtit,onre-perusal,ahalf-distractedone:butIthendespaired,(wereItobeginagain,)ofwritingbetter:soIletitgo:andcanhavenoexcusefordirectingitasIdid,ifthecauseofthe
incoherenceinitwillnotfurnishmewithaverypitiableone.
TheletterIreceivedfromyourmotherwasadreadfulblowtome.Butneverthelessithadthegoodeffectuponme(labouring,asIdidjustthen,underaviolentfitofvapourishdespondency,andalmostyieldingtoit)whichprofusebleedingandblisteringshaveinparalyticorapoplecticalstrokes;revivingmyattention,andrestoringmetospiritstocombattheevilsIwassurroundedby--sluicingoff,anddivertingintoanewchannel,(ifImaybeallowedanothermetaphor,)theoverchargingwoeswhichthreatenedoncemoretooverwhelmmyintellects.
ButyetImostsincerelylamented,(andstilllament,)inyourmother'swords,ThatIcannotbeunhappybymyself:andwasgrieved,notonlyfor
thetroubleIhadgivenyoubefore;butforthenewoneIhadbroughtuponyoubymyinattention.
[ShethengivesthesubstanceofthelettersshewrotetoMrs.Norton,toLadyBettyLawrance,andtoMrs.Hodges;asalsooftheiranswers;wherebyshedetectedallMr.Lovelace'simpostures.Sheproceedsasfollows:]
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Icannot,however,forbeartowonderhowthevileTomlinsoncouldcomeattheknowledgeofseveralofthethingshetoldmeof,andwhichcontributedtogivemeconfidenceinhim.*
*TheattentivereaderneednotbereferredbackforwhattheLadyneverthelesscouldnotaccountfor,assheknewnotthatMr.LovelacehadcomeatMissHowe'sletters;particularlythatinVol.IV.LetterXXIX.whichhecommentsuponinLetterXLIV.ofthesamevolume.
IdoubtnotthatthestoriesofMrs.Fretchvilleandherhousewouldbefoundasvileasanyoftherest,wereItoinquire;andhadInotenough,andtoomuch,alreadyagainsttheperjuredman.
HowhaveIbeenledon!--Whatwillbetheendofsuchafalseandperjuredcreature!Heavennotlessprofanedanddefiedbyhimthanmyselfdeceivedandabused!This,however,againstmyselfImustsay,ThatifwhatIhavesufferedbethenaturalconsequenceofmyfirsterror,Inevercanforgivemyself,althoughyouaresopartialinmyfavour,astosay,thatIwasnotcensurableforwhatpassedbeforemyfirstescape.
Andnow,honouredMadam,andmydearestMissHowe,whoaretositin
judgmentuponmycase,permitmetolaydownmypenwithonerequest,which,withthegreatestearnestness,Imaketoyouboth:andthatis,ThatyouwillneitherofyouopenyourlipsinrelationtothepotionsandtheviolencesIhavehintedat.--NotthatIamsolicitous,thatmydisgraceshouldbehiddenfromtheworld,orthatitshouldnotbegenerallyknown,thatthemanhasprovedavillaintome:forthis,itseems,everybodybutmyselfexpectedfromhischaracter.Butsuppose,ashisactionsbymearereallyofacapitalnature,itwereinsisteduponthatIshouldappeartoprosecutehimandhisaccomplicesinacourtofjustice,howdoyouthinkIcouldbearthat?
Butsincemycharacter,beforethecapitalenormity,waslostintheeyeoftheworld;andthatfromtheveryhourIleftmyfather'shouse;and
sinceallmyownhopesofworldlyhappinessareentirelyover;letmeslidequietlyintomygrave;andletitbenotremembered,exceptbyonefriendlytear,andnomore,droptfromyourgentleeye,mineowndearAnnaHowe,onthehappydaythatshallshutupallmysorrows,thattherewassuchacreatureas
CLARISSAHARLOWE
SATURDAY,JULY8.
LETTERLXXI
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWESUNDAY,JULY9.
MayHeavensignalizeitsvengeance,inthefaceofalltheworld,uponthemostabandonedandprofligateofmen!--Andinitsowntime,Idoubtnotbutitwill.--AndwemustlooktoaWORLDBEYONDTHISfortherewardofyoursufferings!
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Anothershockingdetection,mydear!--Howhaveyoubeendeluded!--VerywatchfulIhavethoughtyou;verysagacious:--but,alas!notwatchful,notsagaciousenough,forthehorridvillainyouhavehadtodealwith!----
Theletteryousentmeenclosedasmine,ofthe7thofJune,isavillanousforgery.*
*SeeVol.V.LetterXXX.
Thehand,indeed,isastonishinglylikemine;andthecover,Isee,isactuallymycover:butyettheletterisnotsoexactlyimitated,butthat,(hadyouhadanysuspicionsabouthisvilenessatthetime,)you,whosowellknowmyhand,mighthavedetectedit.
Inshort,thisvile,forgedletter,thoughalongone,containsbutafewextractsfrommine.Minewasaverylongone.Hehasomittedeverything,Isee,initthatcouldhaveshownyouwhatadetestablehousethehouseis;andgivenyoususpicionsofthevileTomlinson.--Youwillseethis,andhowhehasturnedMissLardner'sinformation,andmyadvicestoyou,[execrablevillain!]tohisownhorridends,bytheroughdraughtofthegenuineletter,whichIshallenclose.*
*SeeVol.V.LetterXX.
Apprehensiveforbothoursafetiesfromthevillanyofsuchadaringandprofligatecontriver,Imustcalluponyou,mydear,toresolveupontakinglegalvengeanceoftheinfernalwretch.Andthisnotonlyforourownsakes,butforthesakesofinnocentswhootherwisemayyetbedeludedandoutragedbyhim.
[Shethengivestheparticularsofthereportmadebytheyoungfellow
whomshesenttoHampsteadwithherletter;andwhosupposedhehaddelivereditintoherownhand;*andthenproceeds:]
*SeeVol.VI.LetterVI.
Iamastonished,thatthevilewretch,whocouldknownothingofthetimemymessenger,(whosehonestyIcanvouchfor)wouldcome,couldhaveacreaturereadytopersonateyou!Strange,thatthemanshouldhappentoarrivejustasyouweregonetochurch,(asIfindwasthefact,oncomparingwhathesayswithyourhintthatyouwereatchurchtwicethatday,)whenhemighthavegottoMrs.Moore'stwohoursbefore!--Buthad
youtoldme,mydear,thatthevillainhadfoundyouout,andwasaboutyou!--Youshouldhavedonethat--yetIblameyouuponajudgmentfoundedontheeventonly!
Ineverhadanyfaithinthestoriesthatgocurrentamongcountrygirls,ofspecters,familiars,anddemons;yetIseenotanyotherwaytoaccountforthiswretch'ssuccessfulvillany,andforhismeansofworkinguphisspeciousdelusions,butbysupposing,(ifhebenotthedevilhimself,)thathehasafamiliarconstantlyathiselbow.Sometimesitseemstomethatthisfamiliarassumestheshapeofthat
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solemnvillainTomlinson:sometimesthatoftheexecrableSinclair,ashecallsher:sometimesitispermittedtotakethatofLadyBettyLawrance--but,whenitwouldassumetheangelicshapeandmienofmybelovedfriend,seewhatabloatedfigureitmade!
'Tismyopinion,mydear,thatyouwillbenolongersafewhereyouare,thanwhiletheV.isinthecountry.Wordsarepoor!--orhowcouldIexecratehim!Ihavehardlyanydoubtthathehassoldhimselfforatime.Oh!maythetimebeshort!--ormayhisinfernalprompternomorekeepcovenantwithhimthanhedoeswithothers!
Ienclosenotonlytheroughdraughtofmylonglettermentionedabove,buttheheadsofthatwhichtheyoungfellowthoughthedeliveredintoyourownhandsatHampstead.Andwhenyouhaveperusedthem,IwillleavetoyoutojudgehowmuchreasonIhadtobesurprisedthatyouwrotemenotananswertoeitherofthoseletters;oneofwhichyouownedyouhadreceived,(thoughitprovedtobehisforgedone,)theotherdeliveredintoyourownhands,asIwasassured;andbothofthemofsomuchconcerntoyourhonour;andstillnowmuchmoresurprisedImustbe,whenIreceivedaletterfromMrs.Townsend,datedJune15,fromHampstead,importing,'ThatMr.Lovelace,whohadbeenwithyouseveraldays,had,ontheMondaybefore,broughtLadyBettyandhiscousin,richlydressed,andinacoach-and-four,tovisityou:who,withyourownconsent,hadcarriedyoutotownwiththem--toyourformerlodgings;
whereyoustillwere:thattheHampsteadwomenbelievedyoutobemarried;andreflecteduponmeasafomenterofdifferencesbetweenmanandwife:thathehimselfwasatHampsteadthedaybefore;viz.Wednesdaythe14th;andboastedofhishappinesswithyou;invitingMrs.Moore,Mrs.Bevis,andMissRawlins,togototown,tovisithisspouse;whichtheypromisedtodo:thathedeclaredthatyouwereentirelyreconciledtoyourformerlodgings:--andthat,finally,thewomenatHampsteadtoldMrs.Townsend,thathehadveryhandsomelydischargedtheirs.'
Iowntoyou,mydear,thatIwassomuchsurprisedanddisgustedattheseappearancesagainstaconducttillthenunexceptionable,thatIwasresolvedtomakemyselfaseasyasIcould,andwaittillyoushouldthinkfittowritetome.ButIcouldrein-inmyimpatiencebutfora
fewdays;andonthe20thofJuneIwroteasharplettertoyou;whichIfindyoudidnotreceive.
Whatafatality,mydear,hasappearedinyourcase,fromtheverybeginningtillthishour!Hadmymotherpermitted----
ButcanIblameher;whenyouhaveafatherandmotherliving,whohavesomuchtoanswerfor?--Somuch!--asnofatherandmother,consideringthechildtheyhavedriven,persecuted,exposed,renounced,everhadtoanswerfor!
ButagainImustexecratetheabandonedvillain--yet,asIsaidbefore,allwordsarepoor,andbeneaththeoccasion.
Butseewenot,inthehorridperjuriesandtreacheryofthisman,whatrakesandlibertineswilldo,whentheygetayoungcreatureintotheirpower!Itisprobablethathemighthavetheintolerablepresumptiontohopeaneasierconquest:but,whenyourunexampledvigilanceandexaltedvirtuemadepotions,andrapes,andtheutmostviolences,necessarytotheattainmentofhisdetestableend,weseethatheneverboggledatthem.Ihavenodoubtthatthesameorequalwickednesswouldbeoftenercommittedbymenofhisvillanouscast,ifthefollyandcredulityofthepoorinconsiderateswhothrowthemselvesintotheirhands,didnotgive
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themaneasiertriumph.
Withwhatcomfortmustthoseparentsreflectuponthesethingswhohavehappilydisposedoftheirdaughtersinmarriagetoavirtuousman!Andhowhappytheyoungwomenwhofindthemselvessafeinaworthyprotection!--IfsuchapersonasMissClarissaHarlowecouldnotescape,whocanbesecure?--Since,thougheveryrakeisnotaLOVELACE,neitheriseverywomanaCLARISSA:andhisattemptswerebutproportionedtoyourresistanceandvigilance.
Mymotherhascommandedmetoletyouknowherthoughtsuponthewholeofyoursadstory.Iwilldoitinanotherletter;andsendittoyouwiththis,byaspecialmessenger.
But,forthefuture,ifyouapproveofit,Iwillsendmylettersbytheusualhand,(Collins's,)tobeleftattheSaracen'sHead,onSnow-hill:whitheryoumaysendyour's,(aswebothusedtodo,toWilson's,)exceptsuchasweshallthinkfittotransmitbythepost:whichIamafraid,aftermynext,mustbedirectedtoMr.Hickman,asbefore:sincemymotherisfixingaconditiontoourcorrespondence,which,Idoubt,youwillnotcomplywith,thoughIwishyouwould.ThisconditionIshallacquaintyouwithby-and-by.
Meantime,beggingexcuseforalltheharshthingsinmylast,ofwhich
yoursweetmeeknessandsuperiorgreatnessofsoulhavenowmadememostheartilyashamed,Ibeseechyou,mydearestcreature,tobelievemetobe
Yourtrulysympathising,andunalterablefriend,ANNAHOWE.
LETTERLXXII
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWEMONDAY,JULY10.
Inow,mydearestfriend,resumemypen,toobeymymother,ingivingyouheropinionuponyourunhappystory.
Shestillharpsupontheoldstring,andwillhaveitthatallyourcalamitiesareowingtoyourfirstfatalstep;forshebelieves,(whatIcannot,)thatyourrelationshadintendedafteronegeneraltrialmore,tocomplywithyouraversion,iftheyhadfoundittobeasrivetedaone,as,letmesay,itwasafollytosupposeitwouldnotbefoundtobe,aftersomanyridiculously-repeatedexperiments.
Astoyourlattersufferingsfromthatvilestofmiscreants,sheis
unalterablyofopinionthatifallbeasyouhaverelated(whichshedoubtsnot)withregardtothepotions,andtotheviolencesyouhavesustained,yououghtbyallmeanstosetonfootaprosecutionagainsthim,andagainsthisdevilishaccomplices.
Sheasks,Whatmurderers,whatravishers,wouldbebroughttojustice,ifmodestyweretobeageneralplea,andallowable,againstappearinginacourttoprosecute?
Shesays,thatthegoodofsocietyrequires,thatsuchabeastofprey
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shouldbehuntedoutofit:and,ifyoudonotprosecutehim,shethinksyouwillbeanswerableforallthemischiefshemaydointhecourseofhisfuturevillanouslife.
Willitbethought,Nancy,saidshe,thatMissClarissaHarlowecanbeinearnest,whenshesays,sheisnotsolicitoustohaveherdisgracesconcealedfromtheworld,ifshebeafraidorashamedtoappearincourt,todojusticetoherselfandhersexagainsthim?Willitnotberathersurmised,thatshemaybeapprehensivethatsomeweakness,orlurkinglove,willappearuponthetrialofthestrangecause?If,inferredshe,suchcomplicatedvillanyasthis(whereperjury,potions,forgery,subornation,areallcombinedtoeffecttheruinofaninnocentcreature,andtodishonourafamilyofeminence,andwheretheverycrimes,asmaybesupposed,areproofsofherinnocence)istogooffwithimpunity,whatcasewilldeservetobebroughtintojudgment?orwhatmalefactoroughttobehanged?
Thenshethinks,andsodoI,thatthevilecreatures,hisaccomplices,ought,byallmeans,tobebroughttocondignpunishment,astheymustandwillbeuponbringinghimtotrial:andthismaybeameantoblowupandrootoutawholenestofvipers,andsavemanyinnocentcreatures.
Sheadded,thatifMissClarissaHarlowecouldbesoindifferentabouthavingthispublicjusticedoneuponsuchawretchforherownsake,she
oughttoovercomeherscruplesoutofregardtoherfamily,heracquaintance,andhersex,whichareallhighlyinjuredandscandalizedbyhisvillanytoher.
Forherownpart,shedeclares,thatweresheyourmother,shewouldforgiveyouuponnootherterms:and,uponyourcompliancewiththese,sheherselfwillundertaketoreconcileallyourfamilytoyou.
These,mydear,aremymother'ssentimentsuponyoursadstory.
Icannotsaybuttherearereasonandjusticeinthem:anditismyopinion,thatitwouldbeveryrightforthelawtoobligeaninjuredwomantoprosecute,andtomakeseductionontheman'spartcapital,
wherehisstudiedbaseness,andnofaultinherwill,appeared.
TothispurposethecustomintheIsleofManisaverygoodone----
'Ifasinglewomanthereprosecutesasinglemanforarape,theecclesiasticaljudgesimpannelajury;and,ifthisjuryfindhimguilty,heisreturnedguiltytothetemporalcourts:whereifhebeconvicted,thedeemster,orjudge,deliverstothewomanarope,asword,andaring;andshehasitinherchoicetohavehimhanged,beheaded,ortomarryhim.'
Oneofthetwoformer,Ithink,shouldalwaysbeheroption.
Ilongfortheparticularsofyourstory.Youmusthavetoomuchtimeuponyourhandsforamindsoactiveasyour's,iftolerablehealthandspiritsbeaffordedyou.
Thevillanyoftheworstofmen,andthevirtueofthemostexcellentofwomen,Iexpectwillbeexemplifiedinit,wereittobewritteninthesameconnectedandparticularmannerinwhichyouusedtowritetome.
Tryforit,mydearestfriend;andsinceyoucannotgivetheexamplewithoutthewarning,giveboth,forthesakesofallthosewhoshallhear
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ofyourunhappyfate;beginningfromyour'sofJune5,yourprospectsthennotdisagreeable.Ipityyouforthetask;thoughIcannotwillinglyexemptyoufromit.
***
Mymotherwillhavemeadd,thatshemustinsistuponyourprosecutingthevillain.Sherepeats,thatshemakesthataconditiononwhichshepermitsourfuturecorrespondence.Letmethereforeknowyourthoughtsuponit.Iaskedher,ifshewouldbewillingthatIshouldappeartosupportyouincourt,ifyoucomplied?--Byallmeans,shesaid,ifthatwouldinduceyoutobeginwithhim,andwiththehorridwomen.IthinkIcouldprobablyattendyou,IamsureIcould,weretherebutaprobabilityofbringingthemonstertohisdeservedend.
Oncemoreyourthoughtsofit,supposingitweretomeetwiththeapprobationofyourrelations.
Butwhateverbeyourdeterminationonthishead,itshallbemyconstantprayer,thatGodwillgiveyoupatiencetobearyourheavyafflictions,asapersonoughttodowhohasnotbroughtthemuponherselfbyafaultywill:thatHewillspeakpeaceandcomforttoyourwoundedmind;andgive
youmanyhappyyears.Iam,andeverwillbe,YouraffectionateandfaithfulANNAHOWE.
***
[Thetwoprecedinglettersweresentbyaspecialmessenger:inthecoverwerewrittenthefollowinglines:]
MONDAY,JULY10.
Icannot,mydearestfriend,suffertheenclosedtogounaccompaniedbyafewlines,tosignifytoyouthattheyarebothlesstenderinsomeplacesthanIwouldhavewritten,hadtheynotbeentopassmymother'sinspection.Theprincipalreason,however,ofmywritingthusseparatelyis,tobegofyoutopermitmetosendyoumoneyandnecessaries,whichyoumustneedswant;andthatyouwillletmeknow,ifeitherI,oranybodyIcaninfluence,canbeofservicetoyou.Iamexcessivelyapprehensivethatyouarenotenoughoutofthevillain'sreachwhereyouare.YetLondon,Iampersuaded,istheplace,ofallothers,tobeprivatein.
Icouldtearmyhairforvexation,thatIhaveitnotinmypowerto
affordyoupersonalprotection!--Iam
YoureverdevotedANNAHOWE.
Oncemoreforgiveme,mydearestcreature,formybarbaroustauntinginmineofthe5th!YetIcanhardlyforgivemyself.Itobesocruel,yettoknowyousowell!--Whence,whence,hadIthisvileimpatiencyofspirit!--
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LETTERLXXIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETUESDAY,JULY11.
Forgiveyou,mydear!--MostcordiallydoIforgiveyou--WillyouforgivemeforsomesharpthingsIwroteinreturntoyour'softhe5th?Youcouldnothavelovedmeasyoudo,norhadtheconcernyouhavealwaysshownformyhonour,ifyouhadnotbeenutterlydispleasedwithme,ontheappearancewhichmyconductworetoyouwhenyouwrotethatletter.Imostheartilythankyou,mybestandonlylove,fortheopportunityyougavemeofclearingitup;andforbeinggenerouslyreadytoacquitmeofintentionalblame,themomentyouhadreadmymelancholynarrative.
Asyouaresoearnesttohavealltheparticularsofmysadstorybeforeyou,Iwill,iflifeandspiritsbelentme,giveyouanampleaccountofallthathasbefallenme,fromthetimeyoumention.Butthis,itisveryprobable,youwillnotsee,tillafterthecloseofmylastscene:andasIshallwritewithaviewtothat,Ihopenoothervoucherwillbewantedfortheveracityofthewriter,bewhowillthereader.
Iamfarfromthinkingmyselfoutofthereachofthisman'sfurtherviolence.ButwhatcanIdo?WhithercanIfly?--Perhapsmybadstateofhealth(whichmustgrowworse,asrecollectionofthepastevils,andreflectionsuponthem,growheavierandheavieruponme)maybemyprotection.Once,indeed,Ithoughtofgoingabroad;and,hadItheprospectofmanyyearsbeforeme,Iwouldgo.--But,mydear,theblowisgiven.--Norhaveyoureasonnow,circumstancedasIam,tobeconcernedthatitis.WhataheartmustIhave,ifitbenotbroken--andindeed,mydearfriend,Idosoearnestlywishforthelastclosingscene,andwithsomuchcomfortfindmyselfinadecliningway,thatIevensometimesungratefullyregretthatnaturally-healthyconstitution,whichusedtodoubleuponmeallmyenjoyments.
Astotheearnestly-recommendedprosecution,Imaypossiblytouchuponitmorelargelyhereafter,ifeverIshallhavebetterspirits;fortheyareatpresentextremelysunkandlow.Butjustnow,Iwillonlysay,thatIwouldsoonersuffereveryevil(therepetitionofthecapitaloneexcepted)thanappearpubliclyinacourttodomyselfjustice.*AndIamheartilygrievedthatyourmotherprescribessuchameasureastheconditionofourfuturecorrespondence:forthecontinuanceofyourfriendship,mydear,andthedesireIhadtocorrespondwithyoutomylife'send,wereallmyremaininghopesandconsolation.Nevertheless,asthatfriendshipisinthepoweroftheheart,notofthehandonly,IhopeIshallnotforfeitthat.
*Dr.Lewen,inLetterXXIV.ofVol.VIII.presseshertothispublicprosecution,byargumentsworthyofhischaracter;whichsheanswersinamannerworthyofher's.SeeLetterXXV.ofthatvolume.
Omydear!whatwouldIgivetoobtainarevocationofmyfather'smalediction!areconciliationisnottobehopedfor.You,whoneverlovedmyfather,maythinkmysolicitudeonthisheadaweakness:butthemotiveforit,sunkasmyspiritsattimesare,isnotalwaysweak.
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***
Iapproveofthemethodyouprescribefortheconveyanceofourletters;andhavealreadycausedtheporteroftheinntobeengagedtobringtomeyour's,themomentthatCollinsarriveswiththem.AndtheservantofthehousewhereIamwillbepermittedtocarryminetoCollinsforyou.
IhavewrittenalettertoMissRawlins,ofHampstead;theanswertowhich,justnowreceived,hashelpedmetotheknowledgeofthevilecontrivance,bywhichthewickedmangotyourletterofJunethe10th.Iwillgiveyouthecontentsofboth.
Inminetoher,Ibrieflyacquaintedher'withwhathadbefallenme,throughthevilenessofthewomenwhohadpasseduponmeastheauntandcousinofthewickedestofmen;andown,thatIneverwasmarriedtohim.Idesirehertomakeparticularinquiry,andtoletmeknow,whoitwasatMrs.Moore'sthat,onSundayafternoon,June11,whileIwasatchurch,receivedaletterfromMissHowe,pretendingtobeme,andlyingonacouch:--whichletter,haditcometomyhands,wouldhavesavedmefromruin.Iexcusemyself(onthescoreofthedelirium,whichthehorridusageIhadreceivedthrewmeinto,andfromaconfinementas
barbarousasillegal)thatIhadnotbeforeappliedtoMrs.MooreforanaccountofwhatIwasindebtedtoher:whichaccountInowdesired.And,forfearofbeingtracedbyMr.Lovelace,Idirectedhertosuperscribeheranswer,ToMrs.MaryAtkins;tobelefttillcalledfor,attheBelleSavageInn,onLudgate-hill.'
Inheranswer,shetellsme,'thatthevilewretchprevaileduponMrs.Bevistopersonateme,[asuddenmotionofhis,itseems,ontheappearanceofyourmessenger,]andpersuadedhertoliealongacouch:ahandkerchiefoverherneckandface;pretendingtobeill;thecredulouswomandrawninbyfalsenotionsofyourillofficestokeepupavariancebetweenamanandhiswife--andsotakingtheletterfromyourmessengerasme.
'MissRawlinstakespainstoexcuseMrs.Bevis'sintention.Sheexpressestheirastonishment,andconcernatwhatIcommunicate:butisglad,however,andsotheyareall,thattheyknowintimethevilenessofthebaseman;thetwowidowsandherselfhaving,athisearnestinvitation,designedmeavisitatMrs.Sinclair's:supposingalltobehappybetweenhimandme;asheassuredthemwasthecase.Mr.Lovelace,sheinformsme,hadhandsomelysatisfiedMrs.Moore.AndMissRawlinsconcludeswithwishingtobefavouredwiththeparticularsofsoextraordinaryastory,astheseparticularsmaybeofuse,toletherseewhatwickedcreatures(womenaswellasmen)thereareintheworld.'
Ithankyou,mydear,forthedraughtsofyourtwoletterswhichwere
interceptedbythishorridman.Iseethegreatadvantagetheywereoftohim,intheprosecutionofhisvillanousdesignsagainstthepoorwretchwhomhehadsolongmadethesportofhisabhorredinventions.
Letmerepeat,thatIamquitesickoflife;andofanearth,inwhichinnocentandbenevolentspiritsaresuretobeconsideredasaliens,andtobemadesufferersbythegenuinesonsanddaughtersofthatearth.
Howunhappy,thatthoselettersonlywhichcouldhaveacquaintedmewithhishorridviews,andarmedmeagainstthem,andagainstthevilenessof
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thebasewomen,shouldfallintohishands!--Unhappierstill,inthatmyveryescapetoHampsteadgavehimtheopportunityofreceivingthem.
Nevertheless,Icannotbutstillwonder,howitwaspossibleforthatTomlinsontoknowwhatpassedbetweenMr.HickmanandmyuncleHarlowe:*acircumstancewhichgavethevileimpostormostofhiscreditwithme.
*SeethenoteinLetterLXX.ofthisvolume.
HowthewickedwretchhimselfcouldfindmeoutatHampstead,mustalsoremainwhollyamysterytome.Hemaygloryinhiscontrivances--he,whohasmorewickednessthanwit,maygloryinhiscontrivances!--But,afterall,Ishall,Ihumblypresumetohope,behappy,whenhe,poorwretch,willbe--alas!--whocansaywhat!----
Adieu,mydearestfriend!--Mayyoubehappy!--AndthenyourClarissacannotbewhollymiserable!
ENDOFVOL.6.