Wise Up About CONFLICTS

transcript

“Embracing Change To Experience Life!”

Proverbs 10:17 Proverbs 10:17

Proverbs 10:17…. Proverbs 10:17….

“He who heeds discipline

shows the way to life, but

whoever ignores correction

leads others astray.”

“He who heeds discipline

shows the way to life, but

whoever ignores correction

leads others astray.”

Proverbs 27:5,6…. Proverbs 27:5,6….

“ (v.5) Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

(v.6) Wounds from a friendcan be trusted, but an

enemy multiplies kisses.”(NIV)

(v.6) Wounds from a friendcan be trusted, but an

enemy multiplies kisses.”(NIV)

The sign of aHEALTHY

RELATIONSHIP….• NOT an absence of conflict.• NOT an absence of conflict.

• BUT the ability to resolve conflict in a positive,

healthy way.

• BUT the ability to resolve conflict in a positive,

healthy way.

The real test of our

congregation’s health is

our ability to resolve

these conflicts in a

healthy, biblical way.

Six Steps to….

“Hatred stirs up dissension, but LOVE covers all

wrongs.” (NIV)

“Hatred stirs up dissension, but LOVE covers all

wrongs.” (NIV)

The Hebrew word for

… simply refers to “strong dislike for another person.”

Strong dislike for people stirs up arguments.

covers over all wrongs. covers over all wrongs.

This Hebrew verb

“cover”here comes from the

Hebrew word for

"forgive."

Therefore….

“to cover a wrong”is to forgive an offense;

to let an offense go.

1 Peter 4:8…. 1 Peter 4:8….

“Above all, love each

other deeply because

love covers a multitude

of sins.” (NIV)

“Above all, love each

other deeply because

love covers a multitude

of sins.” (NIV)

Decide ahead of time to

conduct yourself with love.

With every conflict we face a

crossroad, a decision of

whether to conduct ourselves with love or to conduct

ourselves in an unloving way.

This DECISION is often a

difficult one…. thatcosts us and goes against

our natural impulses.

This is the Christian path of

GROWTH and MATURITY,

the pathway of love.

LOVE is making the decisionto act in the best interests ofthe other person. LOVE is a decision that puts the needs of the person above our own needs at that moment.

By willingly going to the

Cross, Jesus made the decision to do what was

in our best interestsat great cost to Himself.

1 John 3:16.…1 John 3:16.…

“This is how we know

what love is: Jesus Christ

laid down his life for us.

And we ought to lay down

our lives for our brothers.”

“This is how we know

what love is: Jesus Christ

laid down his life for us.

And we ought to lay down

our lives for our brothers.”

Matthew 5:46.…Matthew 5:46.…

“If you love those who love

you, what reward will you

Are not even the tax

collectors doing that?” (NIV)

“If you love those who love

you, what reward will you

Are not even the tax

collectors doing that?” (NIV)

“A person’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory

to overlook an offense.”

“A person’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory

The “wise person” learnsto overlook offenses.

… forgive that offense

Therefore, the decision to

love gives the wise person

the capacity to forgive.

For FORGIVENESS to

occur, there has to be an acknowledgement that

an offense occurred.

is simply the choice of not holding on to an offense.

Proverbs 19:11.…Proverbs 19:11.…

“A man’s wisdom gives him

patience; it is to his glory

“A man’s wisdom gives him

patience; it is to his glory

A refusal to forgivea person is UNWISE

because it ends up poisoning our lives with bitterness.

According to the Bible,a lack of forgiveness causes two things to

happen…. 1) It opens our life to

satanic power.

2) It chokes off God’s grace.

Proverbs 27:5,6…. Proverbs 27:5,6….

(v.6) Wounds from a friendcan be trusted, but an enemy

multiplies kisses.” (NIV)

(v.6) Wounds from a friendcan be trusted, but an enemy

multiplies kisses.” (NIV)

Direct confrontationis always better than

unexpressed love!

confront sometimes!

HIDDEN LOVEis a love that’s

too timid and afraid

to confront a person.

Whenever we’re in a

CONFLICTwith another person,

we need to

“open ourselves to

correction.”

To solve real problems,we need to learn to

“OPEN UP”to one another.

We need to

OPEN OURSELVES UPto any part we played

in the problem.

When we open ourselvesto receive correction,

WE GROW!

“He who conceals his sins

does not prosper, but whoever confesses and

renouncesthem finds mercy.”

“He who conceals his sins

does not prosper, but whoever confesses and

renouncesthem finds mercy.”

Only the person I hurt can

make the choice to "cover"

or "overlook" my offense.

cuts off God’s blessingsin my life.

hinders my prayer life.

builds a blockade against God’s presence.

chokes off God’s love.

When we confess and renounce our sins,

we discover MERCY.

simply means

“agree” or

“acknowledge.”

simply means

“agree” or

“acknowledge.”

“Renouncing” means we

leave that sin behind, turn

away from it in repentance.

“Renouncing” means we

leave that sin behind, turn

away from it in repentance.

“to abandon” “to abandon”

We always find

MERCY from God

when we confess

and renounce, BUT

we don’t always find

MERCY from people.

“An angry person stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one (person) commits many sins.”

In any conflict,

“ANGER” is like petrol,

and when anger is

expressed inappropriately,

minor conflicts can become

volatile arguments.

When we lose our temper,we end up committingmore and more sins.

We hurl words of abuse and insult on the person.

We cut and slash with words of sarcasm. We cut and slash with words of sarcasm.

We destroy the person’s reputation with other people.

According to the Bible,it is possible to be angryand express our anger

without sinning!

This same verse alsocommands us to refuseto allow the day to end

without dealing with the

ANGER!

This same verse alsocommands us to refuseto allow the day to end

without dealing with the

ANGER!

Unresolved anger is like

toxic waste; when we refuse

to deal with it, it seeps

into every aspect of the

relationship, contaminating it.

What about the other person?

The reality is that you have

absolutely no control over

how the other personacts in a conflict.

“ (v.7) Whoever corrects a

mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked

person invites abuse. (v.8) Do not rebuke a mocker or he

will hate you; rebuke a wise person and he will love you. .

“ (v.7) Whoever corrects a

mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked

person invites abuse. (v.8) Do not rebuke a mocker or he

will hate you; rebuke a wise person and he will love you. .

Proverbs 9:7-9…. Proverbs 9:7-9….

…. (v.9) Instruct a wise person and he will be wiser

still; teach a righteous person and he will add

to his learning.”(NIV)

…. (v.9) Instruct a wise person and he will be wiser

still; teach a righteous person and he will add

to his learning.”(NIV)

Proverbs 9:7-9…. Proverbs 9:7-9….

The "mocker" in this section is a person who is simplynot open to correction.

Proverbs tells us, “Don’t bother with this person.”

LOVE this person. PRAY for him.

“Why do you look at the

speck of sawdust in your

brother's eye and pay no

attention to the plank in

your own eye?” (NIV)

“Why do you look at the

speck of sawdust in your

brother's eye and pay no

attention to the plank in

your own eye?” (NIV)

Matthew 7:3…. Matthew 7:3….

In other words,

look at yourself first, and only after you’ve done

self evaluation, are you

ready to bring

correction to others.

In other words,

look at yourself first, and only after you’ve done

self evaluation, are you

ready to bring

correction to others.

When we correct people

we need to

carefully balance

When we correct people

we need to

carefully balance

withwith

is needful.is needful.

… is extending compassionand mercy to people when we confront them.

… means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming that they have impure motives.

… comes when we’re willing to forgive, when we avoid name calling and sarcasm.

is also

important.

is also

important.

… is being open and honest with what the other person has done and how their actions have affected us.

… refuses to minimize the issue, but it also doesn’t blow the issue out of proportion.

… is also being honest with your emotions, taking the risk to share what’s going on in your heart.

People who are weak in

GRACE GIVING often

REFUSE to forgive.

We need to

in our life!

“By this all men [people]

will know that you are my

disciples [followers],

if you love one another.”

“By this all men [people]

will know that you are my

disciples [followers],

if you love one another.”

John 13:35…. John 13:35….

Wise Up About CONFLICTS

Documents