© IEF 1© IEF 1
Successful MarriagePreparation
Successful MarriagePreparation
© 2002 International Educational FoundationIEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only
if it has not been altered from the original.
© IEF 2© IEF 2
Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal
Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal
© IEF 3© IEF 3
Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth
Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth
Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage
© IEF 4© IEF 4
Wealth Resilience Productivity
Wealth Resilience Productivity
Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage
© IEF 5© IEF 5
“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist
“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist
Best Environment for ChildrenBest Environment for Children
© IEF 6© IEF 6
“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”
J. Paul Getty
“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”
J. Paul Getty
© IEF 7© IEF 7
Are They Balanced?Are They Balanced?
Career Preparati
on
Career Preparati
on
Marriage PreparationMarriage
Preparation
© IEF 8© IEF 8
Real Success Means Good Families
Real Success Means Good Families
Rated most important source of satisfaction
Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health
Requires commitment and investment
Rated most important source of satisfaction
Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health
Requires commitment and investment
© IEF 9© IEF 9
High school and university classes
Mandated by law
High school and university classes
Mandated by law
Marriage Education Popular Worldwide
Marriage Education Popular Worldwide
© IEF 10© IEF 10
Marriage Education & Character Education
Marriage Education & Character Education
Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character
Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character
© IEF 11© IEF 11
78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important
Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan
78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important
Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan
Strongly DesiredStrongly Desired
© IEF 12© IEF 12
“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”
Rainer Maria Rilke
“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”
Rainer Maria Rilke
© IEF 13© IEF 13
Basis of keeping marriage commitments
Foundation forself–confidence
Basis of keeping marriage commitments
Foundation forself–confidence
Value of IntegrityValue of Integrity
© IEF 14© IEF 14
Clear moral values
Living up to them
Self-discipline
Clear moral values
Living up to them
Self-discipline
IntegrityIntegrity
© IEF 15© IEF 15
Cultivating interests and talents
Building self-respect Managing one’s
feelings Fostering peace
with oneself
Cultivating interests and talents
Building self-respect Managing one’s
feelings Fostering peace
with oneself
Personal DevelopmentPersonal Development
© IEF 16© IEF 16
For one’s circumstances
For one’s strengthsand weaknesses
For one’s circumstances
For one’s strengthsand weaknesses
Take Personal ResponsibilityTake Personal Responsibility
© IEF 17© IEF 17
“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”
Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful
Marriage
“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”
Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful
Marriage
© IEF 18© IEF 18
Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values
Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values
Respect for ParentsRespect for Parents
© IEF 19© IEF 19
Seeking advice concerning a mate Seeking advice concerning a mate
Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex
Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex
© IEF 20© IEF 20
Supports personal development
Protects against physical, mental
and relational risks
Context for healthy friendships
Supports personal development
Protects against physical, mental
and relational risks
Context for healthy friendships
Value of AbstinenceValue of Abstinence
© IEF 21© IEF 21
Honor Sexual BoundariesHonor Sexual Boundaries
HandHandHoldiHoldi
ngng
HandHandHoldiHoldi
ngng
NeckinNeckingg
NeckinNeckingg
PettinPettingg
PettinPettingg
Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay
Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay
SimplSimplee
KissKiss
SimplSimplee
KissKiss
ProlongProlongeded
KissKiss
ProlongProlongeded
KissKiss
RelatiRelation-on-ship ship
changchangeses
RelatiRelation-on-ship ship
changchangeses
Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco
urseurse
Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco
urseurse
BeginniBeginning ng
BeginniBeginning ng
Male Male Genital Genital Male Male
Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital PeakPeakPeakPeak
Sexual Sexual
ArousalArousalSexual Sexual
ArousalArousal
© IEF 22© IEF 22
Sexual Desire & Self–ControlSexual Desire & Self–Control
Sexual DesiresSexual Desires
Normal & healthy
Normal & healthy
Sexual ActivitySexual Activity
Controlling it isnormal & healthy
Controlling it isnormal & healthy
© IEF 23© IEF 23
Recognize profit motive
Check against reality
Recognize profit motive
Check against reality
Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment
Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment
© IEF 24© IEF 24
Make the Commitment to Abstinence
Make the Commitment to Abstinence
© IEF 25© IEF 25
Healthy friendships
Conflict resolution skills
Service
Healthy friendships
Conflict resolution skills
Service
Relational ResourcesRelational Resources
© IEF 25© IEF 25
© IEF 26© IEF 26
Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems
Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems
Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers
Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers
Unhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachments
© IEF 27© IEF 27
Regular shared activity and conversation
Regular shared activity and conversation
Invest in Friendships Over Time
Invest in Friendships Over Time
© IEF 28© IEF 28
Same Gender FriendsSame Gender Friends
© IEF 29© IEF 29
Relating with modesty and respect
Relating with modesty and respect
Opposite Gender FriendsOpposite Gender Friends
© IEF 30© IEF 30
Requires virtues,
insights and skills
Requires virtues,
insights and skills
Lasting Love – Art to Be LearnedLasting Love – Art to Be Learned
© IEF 31© IEF 31
Insight into love
Information about marriage
Insight into love
Information about marriage
KnowledgeKnowledge
© IEF 31© IEF 31
© IEF 32© IEF 32
Insight Into Love Insight Into Love
Love is an active verb Not just a state
or feeling
Love is an active verb Not just a state
or feeling
© IEF 33© IEF 33
True Love Internal
focus Deepened
by conflicts & separation
Productive
True Love Internal
focus Deepened
by conflicts & separation
Productive
Infatuation External
focus Weakened
by conflicts & separation
Distracting
Infatuation External
focus Weakened
by conflicts & separation
Distracting
Discerning True LoveDiscerning True Love
© IEF 34© IEF 34
Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families
Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families
“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture
“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture
© IEF 35© IEF 35
Comprehend marriage commitment
Anticipate challenges and rewards
Comprehend marriage commitment
Anticipate challenges and rewards
Value of InformationAbout MarriageValue of InformationAbout Marriage
© IEF 36© IEF 36
Compatibility
Commitment
Intimacy Passion
Compatibility
Commitment
Intimacy Passion
RecognizeComponents of Relationships
RecognizeComponents of Relationships
© IEF 37© IEF 37
1. Infatuation
2. Conflict
3. Recommitment and cooperation
4. Creativity and service
1. Infatuation
2. Conflict
3. Recommitment and cooperation
4. Creativity and service
Anticipate Phases of Marriage Anticipate Phases of Marriage
© IEF 38© IEF 38
Listening and speaking effectively
Listening and speaking effectively
Learn Good CommunicationLearn Good Communication
© IEF 39© IEF 39
Value of Conflict Resolution Skills
Value of Conflict Resolution Skills
Marriage is stressful Destroyed by
unresolved conflicts
Marriage is stressful Destroyed by
unresolved conflicts
© IEF 40© IEF 40
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3.Defensiveness
4.Stonewalling
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3.Defensiveness
4.Stonewalling
Avoid Relationship PoisonsAvoid Relationship Poisons
© IEF 41© IEF 41
Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude
Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude
Foster ReconciliationFoster Reconciliation
© IEF 42© IEF 42
ServiceService
Broadens the experience of giving
Broadens the experience of giving
© IEF 43© IEF 43
Lessons of ServiceLessons of Service
Love requires effort To give is to receive
Love requires effort To give is to receive
© IEF 44© IEF 44
Value of higher purpose
Value of higher purpose
Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service
Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service
© IEF 45© IEF 45
Attractiveness Wealth Status
Attractiveness Wealth Status
Character Beliefs Ability to love
Character Beliefs Ability to love
Selecting a Marriage PartnerSelecting a Marriage Partner
Less Successful —
Focus on Outer Traits
Less Successful —
Focus on Outer Traits
More Successful —
Focus on Inner Traits
More Successful —
Focus on Inner Traits
© IEF 46© IEF 46
Physical attractiveness
Economic potential Status
Physical attractiveness
Economic potential Status
Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners
Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners
© IEF 47© IEF 47
Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to
sacrifice Sense of humor
Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to
sacrifice Sense of humor
Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples
Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples
© IEF 48© IEF 48
To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself
To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself
“To be loved, be lovable.”
“To be loved, be lovable.” OvidOvid
© IEF 49© IEF 49
Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage
Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage
© IEF 50© IEF 50
Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits
Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits
Individual happiness
Family stability National strength
Individual happiness
Family stability National strength
© IEF 51© IEF 51© IEF 51© IEF 51
