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8/14/2019 10 Simple Solutions to Shyness
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How to Overcome Shyness,Social Anxiety &
Fear of Public Speaking
imp eolutions
to Shyness
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SimpleSolutions toShyness
Martin M. Antony
Final Version
10
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Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books.
Copyright © 2004 by Martin M. AntonyNew Harbinger Publications, Inc.5674 Shattuck AvenueOakland, CA 94609
Cover design by Amy ShoupText design by Michele Waters
ISBN 1-57224-348-1 Paperback
All Rights Reserved
Printed in the United States of America
New Harbinger Publications’ Web site address: www.newharbinger.com
06 05 04
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
First printing
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Contents
Acknowledgments vii
Introduction 1
1 Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 4
2Plan for Change 18
3 Change the Way You Think 25
4 Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 50
5
Change the Way You Communicate andImprove Your Relationships
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Acknowledgments
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Introduction
A
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UnderstandingShyness andSocial Anxiety
F
1
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Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 5
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Shyness and Social Anxiety:Definitions
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The Components of Social Anxiety
THE PHYSICAL PART
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THE COGNITIVE PART
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THE BEHAVIORAL PART
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INTERACTIONS AMONG THE
THREE COMPONENTS
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Exercise: What Are the Components of Your Social Anxiety?
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Who Experiences Social Anxiety?
Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 11
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Are Shyness and Social AnxietyAlways a Problem?
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Causes of Social Anxiety
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Exercise: How Shyness Interferes with
Your Life
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GENETICS.
THE BRAIN.
LEARNING.
Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 15
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ANXIOUS BELIEFS.
ANXIOUS BEHAVIORS.
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Exercise: What Are the FactorsContributing to Your Social Anxiety?
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Effective Treatments for SocialAnxiety: An Overview
Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 17
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Plan for Change
C
Is This the Best Time toMake Changes?
2
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Plan for Change 19
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The Costs and Benefits of Changing
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Exercise: What Are the Costs andBenefits of Changing?
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Deciding What to Work On
WHAT ARE THE SITUATIONS THAT TRIGGER MY ANXIETY?
WHICH OF THESE SITUATIONS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TOME?
FOR WHICH OF THESE SITUATIONS IS MY ANXIETY GOING TOBE THE EASIEST TO CHANGE?
Plan for Change 21
Exercise: Rate the Situations That AreUncomfortable for You
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SETTING GOALS
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Plan for Change 23
Exercise: Make of List of Your Goals
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Keep Your Expectations Realistic
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Change theWay You Think
I
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Cognitive Therapy
Change the Way You Think 27
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Identifying Your Anxious Thoughts
Levels of Negative Thinking
Change the Way You Think 29
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HOW FAULTY THINKING
CREATES ANXIETY
ASSUMING THE WORST WILL OCCUR
Change the Way You Think 31
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CATASTROPHIC THINKING
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ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING
MIND READING
Change the Way You Think 33
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PERSONALIZATION
SELECTIVE ATTENTION AND MEMORY
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Figuring Out What You Are Thinking
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Strategies for Changing YourAnxious Thoughts
Change the Way You Think 37
Exercise: Identify and Record YourAnxious Thoughts
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CONSIDER ALTERNATIVE BELIEFS
AND EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE
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Change the Way You Think 39
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Key Questions to Ask Yourself
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Change the Way You Think 41
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COMBAT CATASTROPHIC THINKING
Change the Way You Think 43
Exercise: Evaluate the Evidence
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SHIFTING PERSPECTIVES
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Exercise: Record and Measure YourCatastrophic Thoughts
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Change the Way You Think 45
Exercise: Shift Your Perspective
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BEHAVIORAL EXPERIMENTS
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Change the Way You Think 47
Exercise: Test and Record YourAnxious Beliefs
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Troubleshooting
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Change the Way You Think 49
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ConfrontAnxiety-Provoking
Situations
I
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The Problem with Avoidance
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 51
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SAFETY BEHAVIORS AND
SOCIAL ANXIETY
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Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 53
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Planning for Exposure Therapy
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Exercise: List Your Safety Behaviors
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Developing an Exposure Hierarchy
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 55
Exercise: List the Variables That AffectYour Level of Anxiety
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SAMPLE HIERARCHY
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Guidelines for Exposure Therapy
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Exercise: Create Your ExposureHierarchy
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EXPOSURES SHOULD BE PREDICTABLE AND UNDER YOURCONTROL.
EXPOSURES SHOULD BE PROLONGED.
EXPOSURES SHOULD BE FREQUENT.
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 59
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DON’T FIGHT YOUR FEAR.
ELIMINATE SAFETY BEHAVIORS.
TAKE STEPS GRADUALLY, BUT TRY TO KEEP THINGS MOVING.
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PRACTICE EXPOSURE WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE, AND INDIFFERENT SETTINGS.
BE PREPARED FOR SETBACKS.
DON’T TRY TO BE PERFECT.
EXPECT TO FEEL ANXIOUS.
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 61
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PLAN YOUR EXPOSURE PRACTICES IN ADVANCE.
COMBAT NEGATIVE THINKING WITH COGNITIVE STRATEGIES.
Exposure to Anxiety-ProvokingSituations
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PUBLIC SPEAKING AND PERFORMING
CASUAL SOCIAL CONTACT AND
SMALL TALK
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 63
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DEALING WITH CONFLICT AND THE
POSSIBILITY OF UPSETTING OTHERS
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BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
EATING OR DRINKING IN FRONT
OF OTHERS
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WRITING IN FRONT OF OTHERS
JOB INTERVIEWS
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DEALING WITH AUTHORITY FIGURES
Exposure to Anxiety-ProvokingSensations
Confront Anxiety-Provoking Situations 67
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Troubleshooting
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Change the WayYou Communicateand Improve Your
Relationships
M
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Conversation Skills
STRIKING UP CONVERSATIONS
ChangetheWay You Communicate andImprove YourRelationships 75
Exercise: Record and Experimentwith Your Nonverbal Behavior
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OPEN- AND CLOSED-ENDED QUESTIONS
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LEARNING TO LISTEN
ChangetheWay You Communicate andImprove YourRelationships 77
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EXCESSIVE APOLOGIZING AND
REASSURANCE SEEKING
ENDING CONVERSATIONS
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ChangetheWay You Communicate andImprove YourRelationships 79
Exercise: Break Out of YourOld Patterns
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Medications
A
6
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Should You Consider TakingMedications?
ADVANTAGES OF MEDICATION
TREATMENT
Medications 81
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DISADVANTAGES OF MEDICATION
TREATMENT
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Choosing among Medication Options
Medications 83
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Antidepressants
SELECTIVE SEROTONIN REUPTAKE
INHIBITORS (SSRIS)
Medications 85
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Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs)
OTHER ANTIDEPRESSANTS
Medications 87
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Antidepressants Used to Treat SocialAnxiety Disorder Other Than SSRIs
Other Medication Options
Medications 89
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Stages in Medication Treatment
Medications 91
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Combining Medications withOther Approaches
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Medications 93
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The Meaning of Rejection
Coping with Rejection 95
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Remove the Pressure
Coping with Rejection 97
Exercise: Why Did You Feel Rejected?
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Take More Risks
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Coping with Rejection 99
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Are You Contributing to YourOwn Rejection?
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Exercise: Take Some Risks
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Coping with Rejection 101
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Meet NewPeople
B
Where Most People Meet
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Where to Meet New People
WORK
VOLUNTEERING
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SCHOOL
HOBBIES
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DATING SERVICES, PERSONAL ADS,
AND THE INTERNET
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Meet New People 111
Exercise: Meet One New Person
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Learn to MakePresentationswith
Confidence
A
Dealing with the Fear of Performing
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Learn to Make Presentations with Confidence 113
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Improving Your Presentations
PREPARING FOR PRESENTATIONS
UNDERSTAND THE PURPOSE OF YOUR PRESENTATION.
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KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.
ORGANIZE YOUR PRESENTATION.
Learn to Make Presentations with Confidence 115
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REHEARSE THE PRESENTATION.
SPEAKING EFFECTIVELY
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ENGAGING YOUR AUDIENCE
HUMOR.
PERSONAL STORIES OR VIGNETTES.
ILLUSTRATIONS AND EXAMPLES.
Learn to Make Presentations with Confidence 117
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Learn to Make Presentations with Confidence 119
Exercise: Give a New Presentation—Compare It with a Previous One
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Stop Trying toBe Perfect
F
10
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Perfectionism and Social Anxiety
Stop Trying to Be Perfect 121
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Changing Perfectionistic Thinking
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Stop Trying to Be Perfect 123
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Changing Perfectionistic Behavior
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Exercise: Record and Challenge YourPerfectionistic Thoughts
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EXPOSURE
Stop Trying to Be Perfect 125
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Afterword:Planning forthe Future
O
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RecommendedReadings
Books for Consumers
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Books for Professionals
Video Resources
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References
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References 133
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References 135
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About theAuthor
MARTIN M. ANTONY, PH.D.,