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10 Strategies for ChristianInfluence/Leadership
How to increase flavor and shine brighter,
#7, Control Conflict
Life is Made up of Conflict
• Saul & David (and Jonathon)
• Peter and Malchus, and at courtyard fire
• Jesus with accusing crowd/woman
• Jesus with crowd picking up stones
• Paul and Judaizing teachers (Acts 15)
• Paul and Barnabas (and John Mark)
How We Handle Conflict is More Important than its Presence
• Conflict not expressed means problems are not confronted
• Conflict not expressed will surface in other ways
• Conflict not expressed can escalate out of control
Even in the Church there will be Conflict
1 Corinthians 11:19
19 for there must be factions
among you in order that
those who are genuine
among you may be
recognized.
Conflict WILL be present.
Even in the Church there will be Conflict
2 Corinthians 12:20
0 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—
that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility,
slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
Does NOT make it acceptable!
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior
2 Timothy 3:15-6-17
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching,
for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every
good work.
Regular teaching should help.
James 1:19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,
slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not
produce the righteousness of God.
Listen for signs…
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior
b. Be proactive and defuse problems
Matthew 5:23-25
…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift
there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come
and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are
going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge
to the guard, and you be put in prison.
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior
b. Be proactive and defuse problems
c. Resolve problems early to keep them small
Time just…
•Adds anxiety
•Builds cases
•Grows excuses
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
a. Communicate acceptable/unacceptable behavior
b. Be proactive and defuse problems
c. Resolve problems early to keep them small
d. Don’t drive problems underground
• Conflict not expressed means problems are not confronted
• Conflict not expressed will surface in other ways
• Conflict not expressed can escalate out of control
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
2. Engage your problem child
Easy to
ignore,
isolate,
label,
treat
w/partiality
Colossians 3:12
12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and
patience,
CONFLICT and CARING are not mutually exclusive
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger.
Sometimes we just need a “process”
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
2. Engage your problem child
3. Pick your battles
1.Decide which are
worth fighting
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 14:29
Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a
hasty temper exalts folly.
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
2. Engage your problem child
3. Pick your battles
1.Decide which are
worth fighting
2.Don’t back your
opponent into a
corner
Proverbs 30:33
For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood,
and pressing anger produces strife.
3 P
rin
ciple
s to
Help
Conq
uer
Conflic
t1. Deal with anger in small doses
2. Engage your problem child
3. Pick your battles
1.Decide which are
worth fighting
2.Don’t back your
opponent into a
corner
3.Keep esteem for
you opponent
Matthew 5:44-45
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute
you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends
rain on the just and on the unjust.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
Ephesians 4:29-32
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building
up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not
grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from
you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.