Family TiesColossians 3:18-21

Adapted from a Jeffery Anselmi sermonhttp://www.sermoncentral.com/print_friendly.asp?

ContributorID=&SermonID=94358

A young woman is talking to a minister. She said, “John and I are having a

terrible time, and we need your advice.

We are trying to decide how to divide the furniture, who gets what of the money we’ve saved and who gets

custody of the children.”

“Oh,” the minister asked, “are you contemplating divorce?”

“Oh, no,” she replied. “We are trying to work out our prenuptial agreement.”

By now almost everyone has heard that the national divorce rate is close to 50%

of all marriages.

This is true, but the rate must be interpreted with caution and several

important caveats.

For many people, the actual chances of divorce are far below 50/50.

The background characteristics of people entering a marriage have major implications for their risk of divorce.

Here are some percentage point decreases in the risk of divorce or

separation during the first ten years of marriage, according to various

personal and social factors:

Factors Decreasein Risk of Divorce

Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000) -30%

Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage) -24%

Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18) -24%

Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) -14%

Religious affiliation (vs. none) -14%

Some college (vs. high-school dropout) -13%

http://www.divorcereform.org/real.html

So if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income,

come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after age twenty-five without having a baby first, your

chances of divorce are very low indeed.

http://www.divorcereform.org/real.html

There is evidence of splintered families all around us and among us.

I think the answer for the break up of the family is found in the church.

Marriages and families are struggling in part because we do not understand the God ordained roles of those who

are a part of the family.I am going to ask of all you not tune me

out because of what you THINK I am going to share with you from God’s

Word.

Those who are in families are tied together and those ties we have to one

another come with roles and responsibilities that when we fulfill

them, we can have the great families we have wanted.

Colossians 3:18 ESV Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they

become discouraged.

A Wife’s ResponsibilityTo Her Husband.

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

As a man standing before you this

morning, this is the part where I can get in trouble with the ladies very

quickly!

Let us look at what verse 18 is telling us and what it is not telling us.

I could have had this passage and the parallel passage in Ephesians

highlighted and made sure Gayla saw it.

Not doing that was a smart move on my part!

When men start talking about the responsibility of the wife, we

sometimes go caveman in our thinking.Let us look at what verse 18 DOES NOT

say first.Submitting to another person is an

often misunderstood concept.It does not mean becoming a doormat.

What is spoken of in this verse cannot be forced upon the wife either.

It does not say that Og is the supreme ruler of the wife or the home.

In Paul’s day, the man in the Jewish culture was the absolute ruler in the

home.

Slaves were called to submit until they were free, male children were to submit until they were adults and the females were called to submit their entire lives.

The submission Paul speaks of here is not the same that was practiced by the

typical Jewish male of the time.

The second thing this passage does not imply is inferiority or superiority of

one of the sexes.

Many people think that because the wife is called to submit to her husband that it means she is less of a person or less important in God’s eyes and her

own.

Galatians 3:28 ESV There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female,

for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Thirdly, it is not cultural in nature.Genesis 3:16 ESV To the woman he

said, "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring

forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over

you."

The order of things comes from Genesis.

After the fall of man, as part of the curse of sin, God said that the wife would be

ruled by her husband.

Women have suffered at the hands of man ever since.

Let us now look at what it does say.

The submission spoken of is VOLUNTARY on the part of the wife.

The word submission means to willingly subject oneself to the

authority of another.

This is a not a command that a husband can force upon a wife, she

has to want to do it.

Later we will see how a husband can make this a joy for the wife to do.

Why would a woman in her right mind want to do this?

Look at the end of verse 18. as is fitting in the Lord.

This phrase expresses an obligation, a necessary duty.

Therefore, as is fitting in the Lord means:

For wives, submission to their husband is part of their Christian life.

When a wife doesn't obey this word to submit to your husband as is fitting in

the Lord, she doesn't just fall short as a wife. She falls short as a follower of

Jesus Christ.

This means that the command to submit is completely out of the realm of "my nature" or "my personality.“

Wives aren't expected to submit because they are the "submissive

type.“They are expected to submit because it

is fitting in the Lord.

This has nothing to do with your husband's intelligence, or giftedness,

or capability. It has to do with honoring the Lord Jesus Christ.

This has nothing to do with whether or not your husband is "right" on a

particular issue. It has to do with Jesus being right.

This means that a woman should take great care in how she chooses her

husband. Remember, ladies: this is what God requires of you in marriage. This is

His expectation of you.Instead of looking for an attractive man,

instead of looking for a wealthy man, instead of looking for a romantic man, you better first look for a man you can

respect. (Guzik)

Ladies when you hear this passage does it make you want to run out and

subject yourself to your husband?

Let us see what husbands are to do to make this easy for the wife.

A Husband’s ResponsibilityTo His Wife.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Alright guys, it’s our turn now.We are given two commands.

Let’s look at the first one.

Love your wife!Same love that God has for human

beings.

The love we are to have for our wives is UNCONDITIONAL.

The word love is also one that denotes continuous action.

If the husband wants to accept his place as the leader of the house, then

he must also accept the sacred responsibilities given to him by God.

If we want the blessing for our home that God wants to give to us, then we must also fulfill our responsibilities.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her, Jesus loved the church so much that

He gave Himself up for her.Everything Jesus did was for the good

and well-being of the church.

Men, how many of us really love our wives that much?

Now think about this.

For the wife to voluntarily place herself in submission to her husband, she

must trust that he is not going to use that to his advantage.

The submission to the husband ends when he tries to lead his wife down a path that is not within the will of God.

Husband’s, it is our duty to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

Unfortunately too many of us love our wives with strings attached.

We are also told not be harsh with them.

This would call for patience with faults, and also for a refusal to vent on the wife bitterness generated by outside

circumstances.

The love that existed from the start of the marriage is to continue throughout the marriage; it must not give way to

bitterness.

My role as a husband is to love my wife with all I have.

It is to look out for her best interests.

A Child’s ResponsibilityTo Their Parents.

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

The child’s responsibility to the parents is to obey them.

The word obey also denotes a continuous action.

They are to always be obedient to their parents.

If the husband and the wife are fulfilling their roles, then it will be easier for the

children to obey because they feel security in having mom and dad have a

good stable relationship with one another.

Such obedience reveals an understanding of authority that can carry over into understanding God’s

authority and all believers’ responsibility to obey him.

A child’s obedience to parents is well pleasing to the Lord.

Ephesians 6:1 ESV Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2

“Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a

promise), 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the

land." (Exo 20:12)

In the Old Testament, disobedient children could be stoned to death.

Deuteronomy 21:18 ESV "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them,

19 then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, 20 and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our

son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and

a drunkard.'

21 Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you

shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

C.S. Lewis said: If the home is to be a means of grace it must be a place of rules … the alternative to rule is not

freedom but the unconstitutional (and often unconscious) tyranny of the most

selfish member.C. S. Lewis (LAB)

A Parent’s ResponsibilityTo Their Children

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become

discouraged.

Provoke: G2042 ρεθιζω ε erethizo Thayer Definition: to stir up, excite,

stimulate, to provoke

This Greek word is used twice in the New Testament, once as negative &

once as positive.

2 Corinthians 9:1 ESV Now it is superfluous for me to write to you

about the ministry for the saints, for I know your readiness, of which I boast about you to the people of Macedonia,

saying that Achaia has been ready since last year. And your zeal has

stirred up most of them.

Parents should not provoke children. Provoke here means to excite,

stimulate, or rouse the emotions, particularly in a bad sense.

Parents may do this by constant criticism, by uneven discipline

(sometimes strict, sometimes lenient), by refusing to let their children “grow

up”, and many other unwise acts.

The result of prolonged provoking children is that they may become

discouraged (broken-spirited), or that they may rebel.

Parents should encourage children, rather than discourage them. Children

do not often rise higher than the confidence their parents show in them.

(College Press)

The command for children to obey does not give parents license for harsh

treatment. Children must be handled with care.

They need firm discipline administered in love.

The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow, not to exasperate and

provoke them to anger or discouragement.

Parenting is not easy—it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving,

Christ-honoring manner.

Frustration and anger should not be causes for discipline.

Instead, parents should act in love, treating their children as Jesus treats

the people he loves.

This is vital to children’s development and to their understanding of what

Christ is like. (LAB)

Parenting is tough even under the best of circumstances.

God calls us to not push the children to discouragement.

ConclusionThe family is all tied together.

You have heard the saying that if mama isn’t happy, then no one is.

If the husband is not doing what he is called to do, mama will not be happy

nor will the children feel safe and secure.

Can you imagine what marriage and family life would be like if we all did

what Colossians calls us to do!

The Family Gail Dean Peterson

Diadems and MagistratesAre all part of God's plan

But He reserved for His most holy workThe little family clan.

A father and a motherWere chosen to do God's work.

What kings and princesses couldn't doWith all their glamorous looks.

A parent’s job can change the tideOf a government out of control.

If they teach the principles of GodThat keeps a nation whole.

A family is a government,Though small I will admit.

But it can keep us law abidingIf all the policemen quit.

A family is a small, small school,With the Bible the only book.

The children will be so very wise,When to God they daily look.

The Family is a little church,

To worship and obey,To stand out in front in God's defense,

to hold till that great day.

Without this little nucleus,The government, church, and school,

God has lost His perfect plan,The family was his tool.

So don't destroy God's strategy,

Don't tear the family apart.God's plan is always the best design,Father the head and mother the heart.