Ram of the Week 2 Quote of the Week 3 Street Interviews 3 the view from the asu lakehouse Wednesday: Nation Spicy Hermit Day Monday: Protect Your Stomach From Disease Day (pepto anyone?) Sunday: National Pizza Without Anchovies Day (eat a good pizza) Included in this issue: Tuesday: National Guacamole Day (don’t forget the avocado) Thursday: National Library Button Day (support the little old grannies) (dramatization) Sunglasses Submit your photos at [email protected] Volume 1, Issue 5
Sordid Rendezvous Ramdiculous Page need any water, though, they just shouted “Let the mother [heifer] burn! Burn, mother [heifer], burn!” Back at Lola’s place, she asked if I wanted to come have a drink. I declined, saying that alcohol would make her blame me for the naked pictures of her on the beach that would inevitably follow. As I turned to leave, she was a bit upset and again insulted my sunglasses. I laughed it off and said if she didn’t like it, not to masquerade with a guy in shades. That was the last time I ever saw Lola, but I hear that she has since moved on to become a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair. Rumor has it she’s at the hottest spot north of Havana. --Samuel Clemens This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. She walked up to me and she asked me to dance. Then I asked her name and in a dark brown voice, she said, “Lola.” L-O-L-A Lola. I looked at her and said, “You're a teaser, you turn 'em on, leave them burning, then you’re gone. You look out for another, anyone will do. You’re in the mood for a dance. And when you get the chance, you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.” Soon enough, though, we were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the grooving. I could have danced all night and still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I’ve never done before, but about that time, she asked me why I was wearing sun- glasses at night. So I turned to her and said, “I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can forget my name while you collect your claim. And I wear my sun- glasses at night so I can, so I can see the light that’s right before my eyes.” I put my hand upon her hip, when I’d dip, she’d dip, we’d dip. She put her hand upon my hip, when she’d dip, I’d dip, we’d dip. We finished up dancing and before long, she was asking if we could leave. When I asked her where she’d like to go, this is how the message ran: “Science fiction - double feature. Dr. X will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad and Janet. Ann Francis stars in The Forbidden Planet. Oh, at the late night, double feature, picture show. I want to go to the late night, double feature picture show.” So off we went, but when we got there, the theatre was bare. The only person there was a man I knew named Benny. As Lola and I approached Benny, I could tell some- thing was amiss. When I asked what happened to the theatre, Benny replied that his investors bought the building and were shutting it down. I couldn’t believe it, Benny and I had practically grown up together sneaking into that theatre. What happened to Benny? What happened to his heart and the ideals he once pursued? I couldn’t believe that he would wipe out an entire theatre and then watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” on TV. As we left, Benny hollered some- thing that I was unable to hear, but Lola had. She told me later that he had taken a cheap parting shot by saying, “If you’re lonely, you know I’m here waiting for you. I’m just a cross-hair, I’m just a shot away from you.” That was intolerable! As we walked on, I noticed there was a building burning and the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire. The tenants didn’t Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 Included in this issue: Ram of the Week 2 Movie Review 2 Quote of the Week 3 Weather 3 Street Interviews 3 Comics 4 Classifieds 4 Picture of the Week the view from the asu lakehouse Submit your photos at [email protected]November 10, 2006 Polish Solidarity Day Volume 1, Issue 5 Sunglasses (dramatization) Saturday: Veteran’s Day (thank an old person) Sunday: National Pizza Without Anchovies Day (eat a good pizza) Monday: Protect Your Stomach From Disease Day (pepto anyone?) Tuesday: National Guacamole Day (don’t forget the avocado) Wednesday: Nation Spicy Hermit Day Thursday: National Library Button Day (support the little old grannies) Strange Observances (holidays etc…)
Transcript
Sordid Rendezvous
Ramdiculous Page
need any water, though, they just shouted “Let the mother [heifer] burn! Burn, mother [heifer], burn!”
Back at Lola’s place, she asked if I wanted to come have a drink. I declined, saying that alcohol would make her blame me for the naked pictures of her on the beach that would inevitably follow. As I turned to leave, she was a bit upset and again insulted my sunglasses. I laughed it off and said if she didn’t like it, not to masquerade with a guy in shades. That was the last time I ever saw Lola, but I hear that she has since moved on to become a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair. Rumor has it she’s at the hottest spot north of Havana.
--Samuel Clemens
This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca Cola. She walked up to me and she asked me to dance. Then I asked her name and in a dark brown voice, she said, “Lola.” L-O-L-A Lola.
I looked at her and said, “You're a teaser, you turn 'em on, leave them burning, then you’re gone. You look out for another, anyone will do. You’re in the mood for a dance. And when you get the chance, you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.” Soon enough, though, we were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the grooving. I could have danced all night and still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I’ve never done before, but about that time, she asked me why I was wearing sun-glasses at night. So I turned to her and said, “I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can forget my name while you collect your claim. And I wear my sun-glasses at night so I can, so I can see the light that’s right before my eyes.” I put my hand upon her hip, when I’d dip, she’d dip, we’d dip. She put her hand upon my hip, when she’d dip, I’d dip, we’d dip. We finished up dancing and before long, she was asking if we could leave. When I asked her where she’d like
to go, this is how the message ran: “Science fiction - double feature.
Dr. X will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad and Janet. Ann Francis stars in The Forbidden Planet. Oh, at the late night, double feature, picture show. I want to go to the late night, double feature picture show.” So off we went, but when we got there, the theatre was bare. The only person there was a man I knew named Benny. As Lola and I approached Benny, I could tell some-thing was amiss. When I asked what happened to the theatre, Benny replied that his investors bought the building and were shutting it down. I couldn’t believe it, Benny and I had practically grown up together sneaking into that theatre.
What happened to Benny? What happened to his heart and the ideals he once pursued? I couldn’t believe that he would wipe out an entire theatre and then watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” on TV. As we left, Benny hollered some-thing that I was unable to hear, but Lola had. She told me later that he had taken a cheap parting shot by saying, “If you’re lonely, you know I’m here waiting for you. I’m just a cross-hair, I’m just a shot away from you.” That was intolerable! As we walked on, I noticed there was a building burning and the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire. The tenants didn’t
Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006
Included in this issue:
Ram of the Week 2
Movie Review 2
Quote of the Week 3
Weather 3
Street Interviews 3
Comics 4
Classifieds 4
Picture of the Week the view from the asu lakehouse
Sunday: National Pizza Without Anchovies Day (eat a good pizza)
Monday: Protect Your Stomach From Disease Day (pepto anyone?)
Tuesday: National Guacamole Day (don’t forget the avocado)
Wednesday: Nation Spicy Hermit Day
Thursday: National Library Button Day (support the little old grannies)
Strange Observances (holidays etc…)
Welcome to the Weekly Rant. Today I will be writing over something that each one of us has encountered. Granted, depending on who you know, you may have come across these occasions more often than others. One might say I enjoy these moments, while some might think these moments lower you IQ. These moments I speak of are made famous by one quote. “Here’s your sign”- Bill Engvall. You know, the moment when you are eating and someone says “Hey whatcha doin?”. These moments make me revert to the look-at-you-until-you-realize-what-you-just-said look. Most often an awk-ward silence/situation accompanies these looks.
Let me begin by giving an example of such a time. I was at work at a local food establishment when a woman walks up to order. I go through my typical greeting routine by asking for her phone number and offering to take her out to dinner and a movie. When she finally decides to order, and I quote: “Could I get one of those cold sweet drinks with whipped cream?”. Ummmm…yes you could. Would you like to choose which drink that is? Could it possibly be one of the 562 combinations of any drink we make? Someone didn’t put on her big girl pants today. Just make sure you put pants on each day (how to get dressed will be featured in the next article). Here is a hint for any-body wanting to order something. Please, please, please know what it is that you want. Ordering a cold sweet drink with whipped cream at a place that specializes in drinks would be like going to Old Navy and asking the cashier to point you in the direction of the clothes. What kind of “clothes” would you want? Pants, shirts, shorts? What size? Barbie size? Elephant size? (in my case). Or try going to Taco Bell and when you are asked what you would like to order just say “yes”. You would get the same reaction I gave this individual.
Next on my list of are-you-freeking- serious moments is another instance when I was at work. I noticed this certain person standing in front of the ATM machine just staring at it and pushing buttons. I contin-ued to watch because my odd sense of humor made me. After a few minutes of useless pushes of random buttons which could easily end in financial catastrophe, he approached the counter. He then asked one of my co-workers what his pin number was. I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Here is my theory of why someone wouldn’t know their pin number. 1) This person has never had any money. This is the least possible explanation because in order to live, you must have some sort of currency these days. 2) This person always had cash on them. This person never uses a bank. This is physically possible, but I don’t know why you would have thousands of dollars of cash on you to pay for school. Just doesn’t make any sense. 3) This person has never had to use a bank. What I mean by this is this person’s parents always supplied cash for them. In my eyes, this person would be qualified as a spoiled child. 4) This person forgot the pin they chose when they were issued the card. Remembering your pin number should be up there with remembering your birthday, when to shower, remember-ing that you have to eat. I am simply amused by this oddity in our culture.
Well that concludes my rant. Remember…the lesson to be learned today is to always pay attention to what goes on around you. Pay attention to the obvious things. I challenge you to not ask an obvious question to anybody this week. Unless it’s me. I like those kinds of questions in an odd sort of way. Until later, may your questions be smart.
-The man who loves cheese
RAM OF THE WEEK Jeannette is 21 years old. She will
be graduating in May 07 and can't wait! She has not decided on grad school yet. She is a psych major/eng minor and is working towards her certification in Family/Couple/Sexual counseling and eventually her Ph.D.
She enjoys Scrap booking, Yoga, Pilates, collecting hippos, Tae Kwon Do, Dungeons and Dragons, Rock & Roll, Country, Alternative Rock, Classic, House, CSI, Strong Medi-cine, Six Feet Under, Final Fantasy, Pride and Prejudice, Rent, Chicago, Phantom of the Opera, Prime, Kill Bill, Sin City, and V for Vendetta.
Page 2 Volume 1, Issue 5
What kind of
“clothes” would
you want? Pants,
shirts, shorts?
THE WEEKLY JOURNAL by: George Ferguson
Ramdiculous Page
Awkwardness...
When a girl who shouldn’t be wearing a mini-
skirt, and is, hits on you, in front of your super-
model girlfriend.
This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person
While many may think that Jackass 2 is the greatest movie of the year, I present BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENE-FIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN. This movie was a great creation by Seinfeld writer Larry Charles. I know you are saying Larry David wrote Seinfeld, but so did Charles… Some basic info: Fake journalist Borat travels to real America for a fake documentary playing tricks on real people (society dinners, rodeo crowds, drunk frat boys, Pentecostal church services), who, in turn, fre-quently call real security or even realer police or just attack him.
All in the service of satirizing "cultural learnings." And then, off camera, the production somehow manages to get them all to sign release forms so that the movie doesn't have to pixel out anyone's face. That is amazing. Borat is full of laughs every minute of the movie. I will just go ahead and let you know that if you do not see this movie you are missing out on a very fun time… and in the words of Borat: “My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film. If it not suc-cess, I will be execute.”
—Not Towndrow P Snood
Borat: "…appalling, tasteless, grotesque,
politically incorrect…"
Jeannette Chandler
SPS Can Roll Monday Nov. 20 thru Wednesday Nov. 22
1:00 PM to 5:00 PM in the Vincent Building
Bring canned goods to roll down a ramp to see if yours will
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