To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 [email protected] 613-342-0250 Virginia Stenner Branch Manager 105 King St W Brockville On [email protected] Innovative Workforce Solutions 613.342.3000 Issue 21 Get With The PRO`s 8½x11 B⁄W Copies 212 King St W Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca ManpowerGroup Solutions Permanent Placement Skilled Trades Assessments [email protected] MANPOWER.COM CLASSES NOW OFFERING
State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca ™ P045003CN 12/04 WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT. We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs. Rick Beer, Agent 522 King Street West Brockville, ON K6V 3T2 Bus: 613-342-9076 [email protected]100 FREE 8½ x 11 B / W Copies Some conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires May 31, 2011. We Copy & Print • Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying • Document Finishing • Business Cards & Stationery Items • Large Format Printing • Flyers & Brochures • And so much more! 79 –163 Ormond St Brockville, ON K6V 7E6 T: 613.342.0333 [email protected]Some conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires June 11, 2012 www.hua-functional-fitness.webs.com HEARD UNDERSTOOD ACKNOWLEDGED Air Conditioned, Clean and Professional! 613-345-1482 NOW OFFERING CLASSES Work Out On Your Own Personal or Group Training Fitness Classes 212 King St W Brockville, On hua-functional-fi[email protected]The Shake That Tastes Like A Cake! 613-341-7846 613-803-1309 [email protected]www.joinbob.ws Start Your 90 Day Challenge! www.overview.visalus.com ViSalus Independent Distributor LOSE WEIGHT SAVE MONEY 9 minute oil change! No appointments! And Warranty approved! Free Fluid Top Offs! Free Maintenance Inspection! Tire Sales & Changes Overs! 613.342.3000 103 Broome Road , Brockville ON www.prooilchange.com Get With The PRO`s Oil Changes Starting at $29. 99! Open 7 Days A Week! 613-342-0250 MANPOWER.COM Innovative Workforce Solutions Please Join our Broad Band of Expertise in Workforce Solutions Virginia Stenner Branch Manager 105 King St W Brockville On [email protected]ManpowerGroup Solutions Permanent Placement Skilled Trades Assessments Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca Brockville and 1000 Islands [email protected]Johnstown, On Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer 613-925-5560 Great Spring Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons VOL. 5 Issue 21 Don't Talk to the Bird Ill Veterinarian A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. e doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occur- ring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" e doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "ere you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down." Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit work- ing. He couldn't accommodate her with an "aſter-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large Rotweiller inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts. As he was getting ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
Transcript
State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca™P045003CN 12/04
WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT.We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you
newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.Rick Beer, Agent
100 FREE 8½ x11 B ⁄W CopiesSome conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires May 31, 2011.
We Copy & Print• Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying• Document Finishing• Business Cards & Stationery Items• Large Format Printing• Flyers & Brochures• And so much more!
5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com
Now
Renting
BonLen Place o�ers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.Features & Benefits
Independent Carefree Retirement Living
Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Small pets welcome • Protected by security entrance• All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances• Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more!
Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.
Pauline’s Lingerie sidewalk saleThe Painter manSteve & Son’s PlumbingIt’s how you wear it Hair SalonEastern Independent Telecom
Don't Talk to the Bird
Ill VeterinarianA veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked
her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occur-ring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit work-ing. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large Rotweiller inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was getting ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
Empowering Thoughts
Funny Signs
Maternity clothes store...
We are open on Labor Day
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~ Thich Nhat HanhPain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. ~ C.S. LewisKeep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring. ~ Oscar Wilde My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never hap-pened. ~ MontaigneStart off every day with a smile and get it over with. ~ W. C. FieldsThe best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. ~ Arthur C. Clarke
On Saturday April 21 Sam’s Brass Racks held their inaugural Ice Breaker Pool Tournament at their location on 24 Perth Street Brockville. The tournament consisted of 10 teams and a total of $1200 was raised for Palliative Care in Brockville. The winning team was a team from The Brockville Club (Chad Thompson, Bob Dixie, John Vitols ,Dave Worden ,Roger Lamorre, Dennis Hunter, Steve Turley, Rob Jackson Steve Hoare, Bill Coutlee) Prizes, 50/50 draws were Held and prize donations from lo-cal businesses helped make the event a success.
Sam’s Brass Racks Annual Ice Breaker
“In �e Of Brockville”
What Do You Want
To Re�ect?
Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
AGE
OF
MAJORITY
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s May & June Line-Up:
May 25 Loaded 6 StringJune 1 Blues HighwayJune 2 Relay for Life Charity Event 7pm(Pool/Darts/Games/Karaoke/Prizes)
June 9 Generation ZX (3-7)June 9 Cancer Society Summer Fiesta $5 7pm fundraiser for relay for life-DJ
June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 8 Journey Men
VISIT
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EW W
EBSITE W
WW
.MC
GU
FFYSNEW
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ILLE.CA
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(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)
Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm
Gift Certi�catesMake Great
Gifts!
(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine
(see store for details)
Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!
McGuffy’s News Website!!Attention Readers! Now even more fun, McGuffy’s
News has now websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc-guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (You can even submit a joke-clean of course!) Or see our VIDEO OF THE WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. Anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have Sudoku and Crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!
Check it out today and share with friends and fam-ily that McGuffy’s News is now on-line in your area!!!
Who's Responsible?
I Have Learned
A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncompliment-ary drawing of himself on the blackboard.
Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray, was respon-sible for this atrocity?”
The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect its parents.”
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish mar-ket which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).
Marketing Gone Awry
I’ve learned ... that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated
and loved.
Music Notes
Your True Colors
Never Give Up
Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression. ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
• David Bowie has a lizard tattooed on his ankle.
• Johnny Cash’s estate was approached by an advertising company asking for permission to use Ring Of Fire on an ad for hemorrhoid cream. The request was refused.
• Led Zeppelin didn’t release singles during their heyday in the UK, and the b-side to the US release of Immigrant Song - Hey Hey What Can I Do? - was the band’s only non-album release.
At the circus a man was passing the elephants, watching them go through their practice routine. Suddenly he stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. There were no chains or cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
When the trainer finished, he asked why these gigantic animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle to be bet-ter in the activities of life.
Descriptive
Qui
ck
Rid
dle What do you call four bull
fighters in quicksand?
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.
Quatro sinko
Job Search Jargon SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
Work On ThatDear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that. Sincerely, A Normal Teenager
Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129
24/7 Service
Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.
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Call the plumbing & water experts today!
Need a special Book?Give us a call
613-342-5728
This areas #1 supplier of topographical maps & river [email protected]
Open 7 Days a
Week!
Courtney SadlerOwner
73 King St WBrockville, ON
www.leedscountybooks.caShop On-line
With Us!Order
Any Book!!
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At over 140 Locations in Brockville/AthensNorth Augusta/LynMallorytown & Rockport
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Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service
Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF
We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!
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FFYSNEW
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ILLE.CA
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Rust Check Auto Care Plus
A proven Canadian Product Since 1973
11 Main St. East, Athens, ON613 - 924 - 8080
NewLocation
in Athens!
“often imitated, never duplicated”
Auto Detailing - 4 Packages to choose from!Full Tire Sales and ServiceRust Proo�ng/Protects new and old metals
Ask About Our Spring Specials!!!
Advertise YourNon-Pro�t Community Event
in McGu�y’s News!
+ HST00
Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)
Call Jon613-342-0428Today!
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
Your Business Should STAND OUT!and it will in your LOCAL McGu�y`s!
Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428
Very Punny Cup Of Joe
CRO
SS
WO
RD
The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise
1. For sale - an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 2. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. 3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too. 4. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not
tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Real Ads
e-Proverbs for the 21st Century
The cost of one cup of Kopi Luwak coffee at Aus-tralia’s Heritage Tea Rooms is $41.67.
Brewed from beans handpicked out of civet-cat droppings, it is reputedly the world’s rarest and most expensive coffee.
Crazy Putty ~ Using household items such as borax, water, PVA glue and food coloring, make some crazy putty. Great for a class project or keep the kids busy!You will need:•2containers(1smallerthantheother,preferablyafilmcanister)•Water•Foodcolouring•PVAglue•Boraxsolution(ratioofabout1Tbspofboraxtoacupofwater)Instructions:Fill the bottom of the larger container with PVA glue. Add a few squirts of water, 2 or 3 drops of food colouring and stir. Add a squirt of borax (possibly a bit more depending on how much PVA glue you used).Stir the mixture up and put it into the smaller container. By now the mixture should be joining together ~ crazy putty!What is the science?
The PVA glue you use is a type of polymer called polyvinyl acetate (PVA for short), while the borax is made of a chemical called sodium borate. When you combine the two in a water solution, the borax reacts with the glue mol-ecules, joining them together into one giant molecule. This new compound is able to absorb large amounts of water, producing a putty like substance which you can squish in your hands or even bounce.
Experiments
Chemist
Marveling At The Moon
•Youhavetobeatleast58.5inchestalltobe an astronaut
nation17. Aluminum, iron, leadDown1. Inactive2. Carries positive charge3. Merge5. Study of substances
6. Not liquid or gas8.Unitedsimilarele-ments9. Basics of the uni-verse10. Base12. Bivalent metallic element13. Tiniest elements
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men: one was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Strange Laws
• In Connecticut, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands
• It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor in Denver
• It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street, Fort Qu’Appelle with their shoes untied
• In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing
Good Question
Qui
ck
Quo
te
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor ?
Smile is contagious; just smile at someone and see their reaction.
Great “Truths” About Growing Old
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is op-tional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preserva-tives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensa-tion from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beau-tician.
Christie Aluminum Products
Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
& save 25% O� on Pool Closing.Have the Experts Provide
Weekly Pool Service @ A�ordable Prices!
Book Your Pool Opening with Aqua Plus Pools
COMPETITION ROOFINGAND RENOVATIONS
“Over 20 years experience”Neil Black
Owner 613-348-3993New Installation or Re-shingle
General Repairs and RenovationsSatisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured
PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. K0E 1P0
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
Itrix
51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200
Fax 613 - 498 - 2205
• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary
ColemanOwner
ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles
Gift CertificatesAvailable
Eastern Ontario's Largest Selec tion of Or thotic & Comfor t Footwear
46 King St East, Brockville, On613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330
Put Your Info
HERE!
Advertisein McGu�y’s
Great Results!613 342 0428
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
156 King St. West Brockville, On 613-345-2244
Pauline’s LingerieSaturday May 26th Only!Pantyhose $1 and $2 each pairBras Regular to $150.0 - Now $10 - $30Panties Regular to $80.00 - Now $2 - $15.$5.00 - $10.00 - $20.00 Racks50% o� Selected Swimwear & MUCH MORE
John G. Miller Author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,
Celebrity QuotesHave no fear of perfection— you’ll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali
Making MusicOnNov.18,1995,ItzhakPerlman,theviolinist,cameonstagetogive
a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an awe-some sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.
By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play. But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap — it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do.
People who were there that night thought to themselves: “We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches
and limp his way off stage to either find another violin or else find another string for this one.”
But he didn’t. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity, as they had never heard before. Of course, any-one knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that. You could see him modulating, changing, re-com-posing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.
When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreci-ated what he had done.
He smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”
Qui
ck
Joke What do you get from a pampered cow?
~ Spoiled milk.
Strange StatisticsHigher risk of suicide linked to breast implants
Over a 19 year period, women who got cosmetic breast implants were 3 times as likely to commit suicide as women who didn’t, according to a recent Swedish study. They were also 3 times as likely to die from alcohol or drug addiction. In this study, “There was no higher risk in the first 10 years afterward … but the risk was 4.5 times higher after 10 to 19 years and six times higher after 20 years.”
Looks like implants made some women happier for a while, but then the underlying disorder took over, driving suicide rate higher.
Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution
Christie Aluminum Products
Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
& save 25% O� on Pool Closing.Have the Experts Provide
Weekly Pool Service @ A�ordable Prices!
Book Your Pool Opening with Aqua Plus Pools
COMPETITION ROOFINGAND RENOVATIONS
“Over 20 years experience”Neil Black
Owner 613-348-3993New Installation or Re-shingle
General Repairs and RenovationsSatisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured
PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. K0E 1P0
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
Itrix
51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200
Fax 613 - 498 - 2205
• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary
ColemanOwner
ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles
Gift CertificatesAvailable
Eastern Ontario's Largest Selec tion of Or thotic & Comfor t Footwear
46 King St East, Brockville, On613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330
Put Your Info
HERE!
Advertisein McGu�y’s
Great Results!613 342 0428
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
156 King St. West Brockville, On 613-345-2244
Pauline’s LingerieSaturday May 26th Only!Pantyhose $1 and $2 each pairBras Regular to $150.0 - Now $10 - $30Panties Regular to $80.00 - Now $2 - $15.$5.00 - $10.00 - $20.00 Racks50% o� Selected Swimwear & MUCH MORE
John G. Miller Author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,
Celebrity QuotesHave no fear of perfection— you’ll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali
Making MusicOnNov.18,1995,ItzhakPerlman,theviolinist,cameonstagetogive
a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him. He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an awe-some sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.
By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play. But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap — it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant. There was no mistaking what he had to do.
People who were there that night thought to themselves: “We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches
and limp his way off stage to either find another violin or else find another string for this one.”
But he didn’t. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity, as they had never heard before. Of course, any-one knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that. You could see him modulating, changing, re-com-posing the piece in his head. At one point, it sounded like he was de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that they had never made before.
When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreci-ated what he had done.
He smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”
Qui
ck
Joke What do you get from a pampered cow?
~ Spoiled milk.
Strange StatisticsHigher risk of suicide linked to breast implants
Over a 19 year period, women who got cosmetic breast implants were 3 times as likely to commit suicide as women who didn’t, according to a recent Swedish study. They were also 3 times as likely to die from alcohol or drug addiction. In this study, “There was no higher risk in the first 10 years afterward … but the risk was 4.5 times higher after 10 to 19 years and six times higher after 20 years.”
Looks like implants made some women happier for a while, but then the underlying disorder took over, driving suicide rate higher.
Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution
Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129
24/7 Service
Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.
3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.
Call the plumbing & water experts today!
Need a special Book?Give us a call
613-342-5728
This areas #1 supplier of topographical maps & river [email protected]
Open 7 Days a
Week!
Courtney SadlerOwner
73 King St WBrockville, ON
www.leedscountybooks.caShop On-line
With Us!Order
Any Book!!
Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!
At over 140 Locations in Brockville/AthensNorth Augusta/LynMallorytown & Rockport
HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249
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Very Punny Cup Of Joe
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The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise
1. For sale - an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 2. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. 3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too. 4. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not
tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Real Ads
e-Proverbs for the 21st Century
The cost of one cup of Kopi Luwak coffee at Aus-tralia’s Heritage Tea Rooms is $41.67.
Brewed from beans handpicked out of civet-cat droppings, it is reputedly the world’s rarest and most expensive coffee.
Crazy Putty ~ Using household items such as borax, water, PVA glue and food coloring, make some crazy putty. Great for a class project or keep the kids busy!You will need:•2containers(1smallerthantheother,preferablyafilmcanister)•Water•Foodcolouring•PVAglue•Boraxsolution(ratioofabout1Tbspofboraxtoacupofwater)Instructions:Fill the bottom of the larger container with PVA glue. Add a few squirts of water, 2 or 3 drops of food colouring and stir. Add a squirt of borax (possibly a bit more depending on how much PVA glue you used).Stir the mixture up and put it into the smaller container. By now the mixture should be joining together ~ crazy putty!What is the science?
The PVA glue you use is a type of polymer called polyvinyl acetate (PVA for short), while the borax is made of a chemical called sodium borate. When you combine the two in a water solution, the borax reacts with the glue mol-ecules, joining them together into one giant molecule. This new compound is able to absorb large amounts of water, producing a putty like substance which you can squish in your hands or even bounce.
Experiments
Chemist
Marveling At The Moon
•Youhavetobeatleast58.5inchestalltobe an astronaut
nation17. Aluminum, iron, leadDown1. Inactive2. Carries positive charge3. Merge5. Study of substances
6. Not liquid or gas8.Unitedsimilarele-ments9. Basics of the uni-verse10. Base12. Bivalent metallic element13. Tiniest elements
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men: one was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Strange Laws
• In Connecticut, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands
• It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor in Denver
• It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street, Fort Qu’Appelle with their shoes untied
• In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing
Good Question
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Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor ?
Smile is contagious; just smile at someone and see their reaction.
Great “Truths” About Growing Old
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is op-tional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preserva-tives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensa-tion from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beau-tician.
“In �e Of Brockville”
What Do You Want
To Re�ect?
Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
AGE
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Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s May & June Line-Up:
May 25 Loaded 6 StringJune 1 Blues HighwayJune 2 Relay for Life Charity Event 7pm(Pool/Darts/Games/Karaoke/Prizes)
June 9 Generation ZX (3-7)June 9 Cancer Society Summer Fiesta $5 7pm fundraiser for relay for life-DJ
June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 8 Journey Men
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(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)
Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm
Gift Certi�catesMake Great
Gifts!
(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine
(see store for details)
Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!
McGuffy’s News Website!!Attention Readers! Now even more fun, McGuffy’s
News has now websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc-guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (You can even submit a joke-clean of course!) Or see our VIDEO OF THE WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. Anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have Sudoku and Crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!
Check it out today and share with friends and fam-ily that McGuffy’s News is now on-line in your area!!!
Who's Responsible?
I Have Learned
A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncompliment-ary drawing of himself on the blackboard.
Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray, was respon-sible for this atrocity?”
The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect its parents.”
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish mar-ket which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).
Marketing Gone Awry
I’ve learned ... that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated
and loved.
Music Notes
Your True Colors
Never Give Up
Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression. ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
• David Bowie has a lizard tattooed on his ankle.
• Johnny Cash’s estate was approached by an advertising company asking for permission to use Ring Of Fire on an ad for hemorrhoid cream. The request was refused.
• Led Zeppelin didn’t release singles during their heyday in the UK, and the b-side to the US release of Immigrant Song - Hey Hey What Can I Do? - was the band’s only non-album release.
At the circus a man was passing the elephants, watching them go through their practice routine. Suddenly he stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. There were no chains or cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
When the trainer finished, he asked why these gigantic animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle to be bet-ter in the activities of life.
Descriptive
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dle What do you call four bull
fighters in quicksand?
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.
Quatro sinko
Job Search Jargon SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
Work On ThatDear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that. Sincerely, A Normal Teenager
State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario • statefarm.ca™P045003CN 12/04
WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT.We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you
newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.Rick Beer, Agent
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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com
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Independent Carefree Retirement Living
Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Small pets welcome • Protected by security entrance• All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances• Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more!
Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.
Pauline’s Lingerie sidewalk saleThe Painter manSteve & Son’s PlumbingIt’s how you wear it Hair SalonEastern Independent Telecom
Don't Talk to the Bird
Ill VeterinarianA veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked
her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occur-ring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit work-ing. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large Rotweiller inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was getting ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
Empowering Thoughts
Funny Signs
Maternity clothes store...
We are open on Labor Day
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~ Thich Nhat HanhPain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. ~ C.S. LewisKeep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring. ~ Oscar Wilde My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never hap-pened. ~ MontaigneStart off every day with a smile and get it over with. ~ W. C. FieldsThe best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. ~ Arthur C. Clarke
On Saturday April 21 Sam’s Brass Racks held their inaugural Ice Breaker Pool Tournament at their location on 24 Perth Street Brockville. The tournament consisted of 10 teams and a total of $1200 was raised for Palliative Care in Brockville. The winning team was a team from The Brockville Club (Chad Thompson, Bob Dixie, John Vitols ,Dave Worden ,Roger Lamorre, Dennis Hunter, Steve Turley, Rob Jackson Steve Hoare, Bill Coutlee) Prizes, 50/50 draws were Held and prize donations from lo-cal businesses helped make the event a success.
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