20 June 2019

The Drive and Draw no.49

The views expressed in this document do not necessarily reflect the official views of the

Exco of the Jeffreys Bay Bowling Club, and is totally independent thereof. It is however

approved before circulation.

All contributions from members will be appreciated. All contributions and suggestions can be

sent to me (Keith Wakelin) at hayland@mweb.co.za or phoned to me at 082 4605425. You may

also chat to me or give me a written contribution.

This newsletter is prepared in MSWord, but published in PDF, as not all members have MSWord.

Comments from the Editor:

What an evening. Where in South Africa can you get a great show and a full plate of food for

R60.00? Why at the Jeffreys Bay Bowling Club of course. For those of you who did not buy a

ticket for the Cabaret, you missed something worthwhile. It was really enjoyed by all. To Val, all

her helpers and all the performers, WELL DONE.

There are already calls for having two shows a year, so don’t miss out next time. Photos further

down in this newsletter.

News from our President:

This will be my last Presidents report for the Drive and Draw. Unbelievable that another year

has nearly passed since the last election. With our next AGM scheduled for 7 August I would

call on all members who have the ability and time to stand for election for the various positions

that will become vacant. We have seen our club grow from strength to strength over the last

few years and under competent leadership we can grow to be one of the premier clubs in SA

Keith has also indicated that he wishes to stand down from managing the Business League after

5 seasons. He has done an excellent job and his expertise will be missed - thanks Keith!! Luckily

we always have people who are prepared to step up to the plate. Hannie Ridder has agreed to fill

this position and we thank her and wish her well in this new position. The BL is an important

event in promoting our club in the community, recruiting new younger members and generating

funds to upgrade our facilities

Hot of the press is that Barbara has won the EP Open Singles competition. Wonderful to have

an EP champ in our midst!! She played against Dalena who was the runner up in the final. Cheryl

Botha who has been playing at our club a lot lately was the runner up in the Ladies Novices

Singles. Well done to all who won their sections and progressed to the next level.

I also wish to take this opportunity to congratulate Keith Wakelin on his appointment as an

Eastern Province selector.

With our Winterfest tournament less than 3 weeks away I would request that you consider

entering a team for this event. We have significantly reduced the entry fees to R1600 for four

players for four days. We also need more volunteers to help out in the kitchen. Most of the food

will be pre-prepared and teams will be scheduled to prevent long hours in the kitchen. Come on

ladies , the men are running the bar , looking after the greens, maintaining the equipment, fund-

raising and doing all the infrastructure upgrading work. Why must it always be such an effort to

get lady volunteers??

Let’s stand together, support Joy and make a huge success of this tournament please. We owe it

to our club and to the sponsors who have invested big sums of money

Exco:

The minutes of the last Exco meeting are on the notice board and the financial accounts are on

the website.

Meet Your Club Members;

This item will be back soon.

Joker Jackpot;

The next joker jackpot will see a jackpot of about R31 000.00. Don’t forget to buy a ticket or

you could be dissapointed.

EP Bowls:

EP Mixed Pairs;

In the last newsletter it was sated that Barry and Marie as well as Johann and Jackie had made

it to the last eight and the finals weekend of the EP Mixed Pairs.

The finals weekend was held at our club on the 25th and 26th May, in fantastic weather on both

days, and on excellent greens.

Johann and Jackie missed out by one point in making the finals, and therefore ended in joint

third place.

Barry and Marie got to the final, but unfortunately lost to Shane Goby of PEBC. A great

achievement for JBBC, and extremely well done to the four of you.

Chapman Brothers EP Midweek;

The EP Midweek is an eleven week competitions played on Wednesday afternoons and is one of

the most enjoyable competitions. Each week it is played at a different club and a good spirit is

built up amongst the teams.

After the initial rounds the teams are split into the top 12 who play in the Championship and the

rest who play in the Plate. Jeffreys Bay had the distinction of having all four of the clubs teams

that entered achieving a place in the Championship.

The team of Flip Visser, Keith Wakelin, Christo Coetzer and Colin Smith (Duimpie van Vuuren on

three occasions and Robbie Lazare once, helped out when either Christo or Colin were away)

eventually won the competition. Flip, Keith and Christo also won this competition in 2017 but

then Dennis Mauer was part of the team. Well done guys.

EP Singles;

Congratulations to Flippie in Men’s Seniors, Barbara in Ladies Open, Belinda in Ladies Novices

and Coenie Albertyn and Tos in Men’s Novices on winning their sections in the EP Singles

competitions.

Flippie unfortunately lost in the play-off round. All the others go through to the finals

weekend.

Well done to all of you.

Since this article was written the finals weekend has happened and Jeffreys Bay has a new

champion. Barbara is now the EP Open Ladies Singles Champion. She beat Dalena (also a JBay

member, but playing competitions out of The Woods) in the final.

Very well done Barbara.

Selectors:

No report received.

Umpires & Coaches;

No report received.

Some Cabaret photos;

Sponsors:

And members please remember that our sponsors can only support us if we support them.

Have You Heard?

Phil's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered

prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and

his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if

they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that

poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible

pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were

able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold

it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the

horrible surgery performed on Phil. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord,

Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover

completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if

anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the

word is sternum."

June;

15th & 16th - EP Men & Ladies Singles Finals

16th - Nomads

18th, 25th & 27th - Club Nominated Pairs

28th – PT Sponsor Day

22nd, 23rd – EP Squad Trials

29th & 30th EP Masters Singles (Men & Women) at The Woods

July;

4th – 7th – JBBC Winterfest Tournament

7th – U30 squad training

9th – EP Exec Meeting

13th – EP Men’s and Ladies Pairs Rounds 1,2 & 3

14th - EP Men’s and Ladies Pairs KO Rounds

20th & 21st - EP Men’s and Ladies Pairs Finals Weekend

23rd, 25th & 30th- Club Men’s and Ladies Handicap Singles.

Letters to the editor:

No correspondence

Kouga Nomads; (Received from Albie)

Some photos from the 19th May meeting

Tournaments;

St Francis Trips;

Congratulations to Ria Brand, Hesbie Landman and Andre Shaw on winning the St Francis Trips.

Well done to the three of you.

Bar Duties Coming Up;

17-23 JUNE Robbie Lazare Wynand v Heerden Keith Machui

24-30 JUNE Coenie Albertyn Barry Fourie Coenie Venter

1-7 JULY Rob van Hemert Simon Mattheus Christel Scheepers

8-14 JULY Wynand van Antwerpen Johann Neethling Athol Bruyns

15-21 JULY Piet van den Berg Gys van Staden Jaques Labuschagne

22-28 JULY Elles Staas Winnie Staas Braam Jubber

Public Relations/Development:

With Petro out of action for some time now, there is nothing to report.

Bowls Tips:

Many times we see players trying to get the shot with every bowl delivered or playing weight too

early. The art of building a head is sometimes lost in the heat of battle. Building a head will

minimise dangerous situations and provides opportunities to convert shots down to shots up once

you have bowls in the head. Games can be won or lost in one or two ends and we all look back at

some games and think, if only I had drawn second shot, instead of dropping four, we may have

won.

General:

Robbie has invited a number of members to go fishing on his boat. If he ever asks you, and you

have any doubts about whether you may get sea sick, have a look at the following photographs.

These photos depict the three stages of recovery from sea sickness experienced by one of our

(unnamed) members who went fishing with Robbie.

For Sale;

Roy Lloyd has size 3 bowls for sale. He can be contacted on 082 3268503.

Louise Lloyd has sizes 4 and 5 for sale. She can be contacted on 083 6611093.

Club Competitions:

Senior Singles;

The men’s and ladies finals for the Senior Singles competition finally got under way a few weeks

late due to Hilary being ill. A good number of members were on hand to watch and showed their

appreciation as the finalists produced bowls of a high standard.

In the Ladies final Marie du Toit beat Hilary Bannister and in the Men’s final Keith Wakelin beat

Johann Neethling. Well done to the four of you.

Novice Singles;

The Men’s Club Novice Singles was won by Eddie Rudman and the Ladies Club Novice Singles was

won by Belinda Weddell. Well done to both of you.

Open Singles;

The men’s Club Open Singles finalists were the same two who played the Senior’s final, namely

Johann and Keith.

Whereas Keith had the upper hand in the Senior’s final, in the Open final Johann played the

better bowls and got his revenge. Well done Johann.

Did You Know?

Plenty of exercise and a healthy diet can add years to your life. Unfortunately, they’re always

added at the end when you are too old to enjoy them.

Humour:

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman

with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

Here is her story:

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear

charging at us from out of nowhere.

She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

“If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my husband’s knee cap was all it took. The bear got him easily, and I was able

to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection…”

Here is a food joke (Apologies to Phil and Belinda)

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?”

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his

temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry,

just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't

swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I

swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water

do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the

trick..."

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually

said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment

of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.......Sit back and relax while reading this

one.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know

about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent

to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral...

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No...

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

.