2013-2014 Setting Limits Without Guilt by Becky Bailey

7/29/2019 2013-2014 Setting Limits Without Guilt by Becky Bailey

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Workshop agenda

Fear-baseddiscipline

Making a shift

Four powers

Close


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1-800-842-2846 www.ConsciousDiscipline.com

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

What a wonderful child you are!

With bright eyes,

And nice round cheeks,

A talented person from head

to feet!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

What a wonderful child you are!


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Fear-based discipline

Fear of punishment

Fear of failureFear of the loss of love

Fear of abandonment

Fear triggers fight or flight response.We end up modeling the exact

behavior were trying to eliminate.


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Side-effects

of relying on fear

Focuses you on what you didnt do

Not enoughness

Stresses your body

Releases stress hormones

Adrenaline & Cortisol


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ns e e ra n


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Shift from fear to love

Change our minds

Love, not as a feeling, but as a decision

to bring the best of yourself to each moment.


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Ask different questions

How do Ihelp the child

more likely

choose to

______?

How do I

get

the child to

_______.


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Change our minds

Power of knowledge


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Understand child developmentBinocular vision doesnt fully mature until age 6.

Young childrens brains process information 12times slower than adults. Give only one or two commands at a time.

Young children cannot conjugate the word dont. Tell them what to do.

Inner speech doesnt fully develop until age 7 or 8. Young children encode information in pictures.

The brain is a pattern-seeking device.

Create consistent routines and ut them in ictures.


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Picture Rule Cards

Purpose:

To provide young children visual images of

what to do.

How to use:

Post cards in appropriate places around the

classroom. Mount cards on colored paper.

Place cards in a binder to make a book

for children to read.


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Da y Rout ne ar shelp put your schedule into pictures.


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Your daily routine in

pictures


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Picture Rule CardsHelp you display your rules in pictures.


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Picture Rule CardsShow two positive choices and one no card.


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Rules posted in pictures


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Responsibility Cards

Purpose:

To provide young children visual images oftheir choices of what to do.

Young children encode information in pictures.

How to use:

Post cards in appropriate places in the home. Mount cards on colored paper.

Place cards in a binder to create a book.

Place cards on a key ring.


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A Wonderful Woman

A wonderful woman

who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children,

She knew exactly what to do!

She held them, she rocked them,

And tucked them in bed.

I love you, I love you,

Is what she said.


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15

MinuteBreak


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Change our minds

Power of knowledge

Power of self-control


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Take back your power

I

m going to _____.Im going to take a few deep

breaths, calm myself down,

and then I will speak withyou.


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I

m going to ___.Im going to show you what to do.

Im going to show you how to get

started.


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No one can make me angrywithout my permission.


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c ve ca m ng

Breathe deeply. Stop

Take a deep breath

And Relax

Use affirmations for yourself.

I am safe. I feel calm. I can handle this.

Use affirmations for a child who is in meltdown.

Youre safe. Breathe with me. You can handle

this.


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e er, e er

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,

Had a friend he loved to greet.

Treated him(her) with kind respect.

And in the morning,


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Shift from fear to loveChange our minds

Power of knowledge


Power of attention


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Power of attention

What you focus on,you get more of.


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When you are upsetyou are always focused

on what you dontwant.


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Powe

rC

ontr

ol

Responsibility

Whomever you

believe to be in

charge of your

feelings

you have placedin charge of

you.


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Dont make me

have to

I am going to


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Im going to ______.

Im going to pull the car over

until your seatbelts are

fastened and everyone is safe.


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Im going to _____.

Im going to take a few deepbreaths, calm myself down,

and then I will speak withyou.


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I

m going to ___.Im going to show you what to do.


started.


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Im going to ___.

Im going to show you what to do.


started.


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Shift from fear to loveChange our minds

Power of knowledge


Power of attention


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Power of attention

What you focus on,you get more of.


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When you are upsetyou are always focused

on what you dontwant.


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vo :Focus on what you want

Tell children what to do.

What do I want

the children

to do?


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Activity: Pivot practice

Rewrite the statementsas commands, telling the

child what to do.Take turns role-playing

with a partner. Give oneof the assertive

commands from thisexercise.

Offer each other helpfulfeedback.


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o c ng e p u ac sStep 1: You (or childs name)

Step 2: Describe in detail what was done

Step 3: Relate how the behaviorhelped someone or the family

Step 4: End with a tag

That was helpful.

That was kind.

That was caring.

You ___________so ___________.


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Pivot examples

Put the pen down and sit quietly.

Walk through the door carefully, watching

out for your classmates and giving themplenty of space.

Write on your paper.

When you are finished

with snack, put yourgarbage in the trash binbefore you go to free


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Activity:

The skill of noticing

Practice using the skill of noticing by

role-playing the scenes in yourhandout with a partner.


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o c ng examp esYou got off the swing so Tamara could have a

turn. That was kind.

You shared your paper with Kenan so he would

have something to draw on. That was helpful.

You fastened your sister in her car seat so she

would be safe on our trip. That was helpful.

You carried the grocery bags

into the kitchen so I could startunpacking them. That was

thoughtful.


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ore examp esClean up spills

Load/unload dishwasher

Feed petsDust

Help put groceries away

Make sandwiches/snacks

Make the bedWait on guests

Help plan birthday parties


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Make a plan

Write a brief plan

for how you will

implementjobs or chores

in your

home or school


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Georgie PorgieGeorgie Porgie, pudding and pie.

Gave his friend a big high five.

With his friend he loved to play.

A gift of a smile he gave each day.

Margie Pargie, pudding and pie

Gave her friend a big high five

With her friend she loved to play

A gift of a handshake she gave each day.


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Goodnight elbow

Our busy day is over.

I love you so much.

Its time to say Goodnight

Goodnight to all I touch.

Goodnight elbows,

Elbows goodnight.

(Repeat with ears, eyebrows, hair,

arms, hands.)


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App cat on act v ty:I Love You Ritual

Practice doing the Story Hand I Love

You Ritualwith a partner.

Take turns being the adult.


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The the way you speak toyourself internally

is the way you will treat others.

If you change how

you treat yourself,

you will naturally

change how youtreat your children.


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Change our minds

Power of knowledge


Power of attention

Power of connection

We must shift our faith in guilt

to faith in love.


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Activity: Meaningful chores

Think about your childs

developmental level and

ways s/her could contribute

around the home.

Now circle the chores

that would be helpfuland appropriate for

your child.


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It Starts In The Heart

It starts in the heart,

Way down in your soul.

It starts in the heart.

Brick by brick and stone by stone,

We all find a way to build a wall.

And all we get is more alone.

Can you see the stones have got to fall?


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We can let them stand,

But then nobody wins.

We can work together,And find somewhere to begin.



Thats the only place,

The seeds of love can grow.

When you realize that

Were not that far apart.

You want to build a bridge.


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Thats the only place

The seeds of love can grow

When you realize that were not that far apart,

You want to build a bridge.

It starts in the heart,Way down in your soul,


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2013-2014 Setting Limits Without Guilt by Becky Bailey

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