Date post: | 11-Jul-2015 |
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Spiritual |
Upload: | kevin-karlson |
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Based on the book by Dr. Karlson
Rate yourself on these factors from 1 (low) to 7 (high) [Here’s an example]
7654321
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness
5 minute warm up/check in/introductions exercise in pairs 3 things about your past relationship you are grateful for and why Homework from last week
Mini-lecture on these topics: (one per session—about 30 minutes) Emotional freedom Personal freedom Relational freedom Financial freedom Spiritual freedom (new tips and tools every session)
Each week we will structure questions on one of these topics above, and provide time for :
Journaling Discussion with partner Lessons learned- report out to whole group Q and A Homework for next week
Session 3
Relationship with your ex Relationship with your kids Relationship with family and friends Future romantic relationships
Spouse or significant other
EMOTIONAL
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness
SPIRITUAL
Confusion, Fear Bitterness Doubt; Fear Oppression; Death Faith, Peace Forgiveness
Un-forgiveness Spirits of bitterness Spirits of accusation Spirits of control/domination Murder with the tongue
Ratio of positive/negative interactions is 20 to 1, not 1 to 1
Complaints are about behavior not accusations about character
Personal responsibility not denial Transparency and total honesty not
stonewalling Gratitude, blessing, and appreciation not
contempt
Recognize the spirits at work in YOU Repent for allowing them to work Receive forgiveness Replace the “bad guys” with scripture Remember:
God has a plan to prosper YOU
God can heal ANYTHING (even your ex)
God is ALWAYS with you, even in the chaos
God ALWAYS forgives those who forgive
Covering your kids
Loss of an intact family
Mom’s house/Dad’s house
Ongoing conflict between parents
▪ Emotional risks (for about 1 of 3 kids; 2 of 3 do OK) Four times more like to have problems with peers
Three times more likely to need counseling
Two times more likely to drop out of school
As adults, two times more likely to be suicidal
▪ Four times more likely to be poor
▪ More likely to have behavior problems
▪ Mother is more likely to be depressed
▪ More likely to experience asthma/ respiratory illnesses
More likely to be victim of abuse
More likely to be sexually active as a teen
More likely to abuse drugs/alcohol
More likely to end up in jail
Build a cooperative, friendly, supportive relationship with the other parent Recognize the evil spirits at work
Refuse to play; do NOT litigate
Bless the other parent
Pray for the other parent with your children
Encourage a positive relationship with the other parent
Avoid ANY negative comments about the other parent
Be a parent NOT a friend
Set reasonable limits; be in charge
Enforce limits consistently ALWAYS
Recognize that rules in the other parents house may be different; accept that
Do not allow your kids to manipulate nor threaten you with the other parent
Encourage communication with the other parent
If you see trouble signs, get help for them
Friends and Family
Pick/keep godly friends People who will walk with you
People who will pray with and for you
People who will NOT criticize your “ex”
People who will focus on your strengths Say good bye to the others “Bomb throwers”
Critical “helpers”
Controllers
Set firm boundaries Keep them out of the divorce/litigation
Encourage ongoing relationships with the kids▪ Tell them that bashing your “ex” is not permitted
especially around the kids
▪ Make it clear that if they can’t abide by your terms, you will have to back off until they do
Ask them to pray for you/ with you
Express gratitude to them/ for them
Communicate regularly
Future Romantic Relationships
60% of women and 90% of men are emotionally unchanged 10 years post divorce
The risks for divorce go up with each subsequent re-marriage
Men are especially vulnerable
▪ >80% re-marry within a year of divorce▪ >80% of those marriages fail
Single moms feel greater economic pressure to remarry to support their kids
Recognize that divorce is a spiritual issue with spiritual roots
Identify yours; walk out your recovery
Avoid re-bound relationships
No romances for the first 18 months after divorce is final
Focus on becoming a better, healthier, more godly “you”
Friendship first Recognize the danger signals of
unhealthy/ungodly relationships
Too fast
Too intense
Too sexual
Too much drinking/food/excitement/socializing
Date only Christians Date for at least a year If you have kids, keep them separated from
your dating until you are committed When you get serious,
Insist on working together on a household budget until you agree
Agree on a church
Talk about sex but remain celibate until marriage
lessons learned comments feedback homework Closing story or quote
Share as much of your journaling or your reactions to this session as you wish
You will each have about 5 minutes, so manage the time
Questions Report outs Homework: Journaling every day
Finalize and fill in your vision, mission, values, goals
Write down the lessons learned from your relationship:▪ About intimacy; about yourself: about spiritual roots of
your divorce