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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here'sHow to Know for Sure.

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Travis BradberryCo-Author Of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 And President At TalentSmart

FEBRUARY 18, 2015

LinkedIn Influencer,Dr. Travis Bradberry, published this post originallyon LinkedIn.

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link

in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of

the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ

was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that

sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90%

of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how

we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to

achieve positive results.

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Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how

much you have and what you can do to improve if youre lacking. You can always take a

scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence

2.0book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free. So, Ive analyzed the data

from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that

are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

You Have a Robust Emotional VocabularyAll people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as

they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic

because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and

counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use

an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe

themselves as simply feeling bad, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether

they feel irritable, frustrated, downtrodden, or anxious. The more specific your word

choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and

what you should do about it.

Youre Curious about People

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It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are

curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the

most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what

theyre going through, the more curiosity youre going to have about them.

You Embrace ChangeEmotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear

of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for

change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these

changes occur.

Related:The 6 Secrets of Self-Control (LinkedIn)

You Know Your Strengths and WeaknessesEmotionally intelligent people dont just understand emotions; they know what theyre good

at and what theyre terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the

environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ

means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your

full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

Youre a Good Judge of CharacterMuch of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140902175439-50578967-the-6-secrets-of-self-control



people, know what theyre about, and understand what they're going through. Over time,

this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You

know what theyre all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden

beneath the surface.

You Are Difficult to OffendIf you have a firm grasp of whom you are, its difficult for someone to say or do something

that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded,

which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people

make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and

degradation.

You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification,

and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San

Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to

experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control

challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield.

When its time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as I dont think

I can or Im not certain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing

commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.



You Let Go of MistakesEmotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without

forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer

to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to

walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes

makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound

to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of

improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

You Give and Expect Nothing in ReturnWhen someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return,

this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation

with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up

with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because

they are constantly thinking about others.

You Dont Hold GrudgesThe negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress

response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival

mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a

threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the

threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have



devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have

shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.

Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people

know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now

but can also improve your health.

You Neutralize Toxic PeopleDealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals

control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they

need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their

own emotions and dont allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the

difficult persons standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when

things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person

with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

You Dont Seek PerfectionEmotionally intelligent people wont set perfection as their target because they know that it

doesnt exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal,

youre always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce

your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and

what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what

you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.



You Appreciate What You HaveTaking time to contemplate what youre grateful for isnt merely the right thing to do; it also

improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research

conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to

cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-

being. Its likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

You DisconnectTaking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your

stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your

work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline

and evengulp!turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have

shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology

enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It

is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will

change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop

onto your phone at any moment.

Related:Caffeine: The Silent Killer of Success (LinkedIn)

You Limit Your Caffeine IntakeDrinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140908162020-50578967-caffeine-the-silent-killer-of-success



the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational

thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing

you, but not so great when youre responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your

brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your

behavior. Caffeines long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time

working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and

they dont let it get the better of them.

You Get Enough SleepIts difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence

and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling

through the days memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that

you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control,

attention, and memory are all reduced when they dont get enoughor the right kindof

sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its TracksThe more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our

negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or

never happens, this is just your brains natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the

frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts

from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new



EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Why Leaders Lack Emotional Intelligence

outlook.

You Wont LetAnyoneLimit Your JoyWhen your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other

people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent

people feel good about something that theyve done, they wont let anyones opinions or

snide remarks take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to

what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself to others, and you can always

take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are

thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

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Image credit: Shutterstock

Travis BradberryCo-Author Of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 And President At TalentSmart

MARCH 19, 2015

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Over the past century, the heartless, no-nonsense CEO has become something of an iconand a

clichin American society. Hollywood would have us believe that the Machiavellian chief exec is

still alive and well. Whether its the Donald fromThe Apprenticeor Jack Donaghy from30 Rock,

these eat-the-weak-for-breakfast-types seem to be as powerful as ever.

But thats just TV, right? How about in the real world? Do businesses today still allow these

inhumane relics to survive?

To find out, we analyzed the emotional intelligence profiles of the million-plus people in our

databaseworkers from the frontlines to the C-suite. We discovered that the answer is yes,

organizations today do promote the emotionally inept...except when they dont. Allow me to

explain.

We found that scores climb with titles from the bottom of the corporate ladder upward toward

middle management. Middle managers stand out with the highest emotional intelligence (EQ)

scores in the workplace because companies tend to promote people into supervisory positions

who are level-headed and good with people. The assumption here is that a manager with a high

EQ is someone for whom people will want to work.

Related: Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here's How to Know for Sure.

But things change drastically as you move beyond middle management. For the titles of director

and above, scores descend faster than a snowboarder on a black diamond. CEOs, on average,

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have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace.

The trick is,for every title in the graph above, the top performers are those with the highest EQ

scores.Even though CEOs have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace, the best-performing

CEOs are those with the highest EQs. You might get promoted with a low EQ, but you wont

outshine your high-EQ competition in your new role.

The higher you go above middle management, the more companies focus on metrics to make

hiring and promotion decisions. While these bottom-line indicators are important, its shortsighted

to make someone a senior leader solely because of recent monetary achievements. Even worse

than metrics, companies also promote leaders for their knowledge and tenure, rather than their

skill in inspiring others to excel. Companies sell themselves short by selecting leaders who arent

well-rounded enough to perform at the highest levels for the long term.

Once leaders get promoted they enter an environment that tends to erode their emotional

intelligence. They spend less time in meaningful interactions with their staff and lose sight of how

their emotional states impact those around them. Its so easy to get out of touch that leaders EQ

levels sink further. It truly is lonely at the top.

Whether youre a leader now or may become one in the future, you dont have to succumb to this

trend. Your emotional intelligence is completely under your control. Work on your EQ and it will

boost your performance now and ensure that you dont experience declines as you climb the

corporate ladder. Even if your employer promotes you for the wrong reasons, youll still

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outperform your contemporaries.

To help you get started, here are five of my favorite EQ-boosting strategies for leaders. They

apply to anyone, so give them a try, even if youre not a leader.

Acknowledge Other Peoples FeelingsAssertive, action-oriented executives dont exactlyignoreother peoples feelings. What they tend

to do instead is to marginalize them or fix them so that they dont get in the way of action. While

some have suggested that this is a predominantly male problem, it can more accurately be

described as a power problem. People who fail to acknowledge other peoples feelings fail to

realize that lingering emotions inhibit effective action. So the next time you notice someone on

your team expressing a strong emotion, ask him or her about it. Then listen intently and play back

what you have just heard in summary form. By validating their emotions, youll help them feel

understood so that they can move forward without hindrance.

Related: Why You Need Emotional Intelligence to Succeed in Business

When You Care, Show ItThis might be the easiest thing you can doas long as you actually do it. Good leaders always

notice when people on their teams are doing good work, but they dont often show it. When you

appreciate something that another person does, let him or her know about it. Even a quick email

or pat on the back goes a long way in this regard. There are people who do great work around

you every day. Dont put off letting them know how you feel about it. Your praise will build fierce

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loyalty and inspire your people to work even harder.

Watch Your Emotions Like A HawkThe techniques above are extremely effective, but both require an awareness of your own

emotions in the moment. You may think you have a world-class poker face, but if youre like the

average executive, your weakest self-awareness skills are understanding how your emotions

impact others and recognizing the role you have played in creating difficult circumstances. In

other words, you would become a much more effective leader if you obtained a better

understanding of what you feel, when you feel it. Practice this by taking notice of your emotions,

thoughts, and behaviors just as a situation unfolds. The goal is to slow yourself down and take in

all that is in front of you, so that you can understand how your emotions influence your behavior

and alter your perception of reality.

SleepIve beaten this one to death over the years and cant say enough about the importance of sleep

to increasing your emotional intelligence and improving your relationships. When you sleep, your

brain literally recharges, shuffling through the days memories and storing or discarding them

(which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention,

and memory are all reduced when you dont get enoughor the right kindof sleep. Sleep

deprivation also raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. The

pressure that leaders are under often makes them feel as if they dont have time to sleep, but not

taking the time to get a decent nights sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting

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things under control.

Quash Negative Self-TalkA big step in developing emotional intelligence involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks.

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our

negative thoughts are just thatthoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative

and pessimistic things your inner voice says, its time to stop and write them down. Literally stop

what youre doing and write down what youre thinking. Once youve taken a moment to slow

down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in

evaluating their veracity.

You can bet that your statements arent true any time you use words like never, worst, ever,

etc. If your statements still look like facts once theyre on paper, take them to a friend or colleague

you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels

like something always or never happens, this is just your brains natural threat tendency inflating

the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as

thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move

toward a positive new outlook.

A version of this article originally appeared at TalentSmart.com.

Related: 13 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People

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