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How to be a lady

1. Elegant Self Confidence How To Be Elegant

Secrets of Elegant Self Confidence, Poise and Gracefulness

Let me start by sharing this wonderful quote by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux,

"To be elegant is first of all to know oneself, and to know oneself well requires a certain

amount of reflection and intelligence." There are two stages of becoming elegant, starting first from the workings of inner elegance,

because true elegance starts from within. If you are looking for quick tips on to achieve an

elegant look (outer elegance), click 'The Art of Elegant Style'.

Everyone knows somebody elegant.

She could be a celebrity. That girl who seems to have it all together. The one with all the

designer clothes and bags. The soft spoken girl who speaks eloquently.

She could be who you want to be.

We express this hope in many ways. We buy the nicest things that inspires elegance, dress our

best and carry designer bags. Does that mean we are elegant? Not necessarily so.

I've been trying to define the elegant woman for as long as I can remember. Dictionary.com

defines an elegant woman is one who is pleasingly graceful and stylish in appearance and

manner.

She is so much more.

For me, that woman is (but not limited to), Audrey Hepburn.

The elegance of Audrey Hepburn continue to inspires the world today in elegant fashion, how to

be classy and the art of elegant living.

Two Stages Of Acquiring

An Elegant Self Confidence

What are the two stages of acquiring an elegant self confidence?

They can be loosely represented by the insides (heart) and outsides (your personal grooming,

your walk, posture, poise etc)

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I believe we first start from the inside.

Jesus of the Bible says, "You blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and

platter, that the outside of them may be clean also." Matthew 23:26

(The Pharisees were hypocrites, fakes)

True to what the Bible says, once we have dealt with the 'inside' (your heart), the rest of the

workings of an elegant self confidence will become an ease.

Kindness Rules

There are many different definitions of elegance.

On Elegantwoman.org, elegance is defined as 'graciousness in action.'

An elegant woman is a gracious woman.

She is gracious till the end. She will never shove others out of her way in a crowded train. It

doesn't matter if she looks elegant, speaks the part but fails terribly in her everyday life. The truth

eventually finds its way out.

The way to be gracious?

Love others, value and esteem others. Treat everyone the same, regardless of social status, looks,

speech, education. Do not save your best manners for certain people only. Genuinely care and

put others first. Instead of telling people about yourself, listen to others and let them talk about

themselves.

I remember that when Audrey Hepburn was growing up, her mother told her that '"You" is

boring.'

When you are gracious, you move with an elegant self confidence, from knowing what to do and

what to say appropriately.

Secondly,

Be Yourself, Be Authentic

As cliche as it may sound, to be elegant, you have got to be authentic. Real.

Inauthentic Elegance

I've seen friends try to be elegant by wearing pearl necklaces, social-climb, become food

connoisseurs, show off designer bags, speak Prada amongst a hundred things.

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. While all that is personal preference, one is not truly

elegant that way. She may appear elegant, know all the lingo, but is far from elegant. Her facade

will wear off, say in a fit of anger. Or you may see her sponging off others. Shoving others in a

train. Bad-mouthing others.

To Get Self-confidence, Get To Know Yourself Better

Many of us think we know ourselves thoroughly. I realize how much I don't know myself when I

am caught buying something that is not me, investing time and money that I'm not good at,

forcing myself to do something I really don't want to do.

Other ways that 'one does not know herself' exhibits this by putting up airs, doing something

only because she thinks it will make her look rich, elegant, sophisticated. She tries too hard to

impress. She does something only for her image.

A root meaning of the word, "Elegant" is authencity. That is one of the keys of self confidence.

To know yourself makes you become secure within yourself.

Many women have secret struggles with self confidence and self esteem. There are many roots of

this issue which are too long to discuss. While I am not a psychologist, I think its best to keep it

simple.

I believe gaining elegant self confidence has a lot to do with authenticity. It's a matter of

discovering who you are, what God has given you in talents, aptitudes and aspirations, dreams

and what is in your hand.

How does One be Authentic?

Start by taking an inventory of yourself.

I. Take some time to discover your likes and dislikes.

II. What are your strengths, talents, dreams? God put them there for a reason.

III. What do you think about all the time? It is your passion.

IV. What is in your hand? What can you do? Assess the opportunities around you.

Summary of First Stage To Elegance

When we work on those questions thus embarking on self-discoveries, we discover our passions

and weed out 'impurities'.

We go on a journey to refine ourselves to our fullest potential. See also How to Become an

Accomplished Lady.

Voila! You have no time for low self confidence. You suddenly realize you know a lot about

something - your passion - you speak with pride and self respect.

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To be true to ourselves is to be authentic. We become comfortable in our skin. We can stop being

self-conscious and focus on others. This is the root of an elegant, gracious woman. This is the

beginning of elegant self confidence.

Now you're ready for...

2. How To Be Lovely

"The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things." - Plato from

Lovely Quotes

Elegance must be combined with loveliness, because one usually not just desire to be elegant

simply for themselves, but to shed a little joy around her and beautify her world.

If you look up the dictionary today, you'll find that 'loveliness' is defined as 'an exquisite beauty'.

Researching deeper, I've found that the intrinsic meaning of that beauty is natural, internal and it

comes from all the goodness and love from the heart.

So how to be absolutely lovely?

Cultivate Loveliness

I've found that it is easier to 'be the right person' than to 'try to be the right person'

What is the difference?

For instance, if I know in my mind that I should not be late, I try very hard not to be late by

setting a timer, an alarm etc. It is hard work, very hard for me indeed. However, if I have

reverence for other people's time, I WILL not be late. It is easy to do. For instance, if I were

meeting the Queen of England, a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I wouldn't dream of being late. I

might be two hours early! It all boils down to what you value. Do I value other people's time? Or

do I assume that it will be alright for them to wait for me? A lovely person is thoughtful at all

times.

See more at easy elegant tips.

How to be lovely as Audrey Hepburn?

She is one who...

is generous with her smile.

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My heart instantly warms up to a person who smiles. It is big-hearted to be the one who smiles

first because it takes a certain type of admirable courage and lack of self consciousness. She also

has positivity that a smile will be returned.

Her smile encourages other smiles. Her pleasant countenance exudes her.

She asks about you and your family if they are well. She listens and refrains from talking about

herself, unless asked. f you have had an embarrassing moment, she will appear to never have

noticed it. If you have spilled soup on yourself, she would make light of it.

Her words are kind and thoughtful. Her gestures and actions reflect that too. A little pat on the

head for a little dog, listening with delight when children attempt to converse. She will always

offer a helping hand to elderly.

is on time, if not a little early.

When she has an appointment with someone, she is always on time, if not a little early.

If she is foresees to be five minutes late for her hair appointment, she phones as early as fifteen

minutes before. She takes into account potential time-hazards when planning her time

As mentioned earlier, she has a deep reverence for time and other people's time.

She sticks to her appointments, come rain or shine. She is dependable to turn up for her

appointments. She never cancels, unless it is a real emergency. She will never make an excuse

because she knows others have cleared their schedules for her. Time is one of the most valued

currency. While money can be lost, it may be earned back. But when time is lost, time is lost for

ever.

She shows her reverence for time by the way she lives her life, settling into a unrushed, quality

lifestyle where she has time for church, family and friends.

believes others come first.

In her actions, she considers others.

She moves to the middle of the train to allow more space for passengers who come after her, and

gives up her seat to that pregnant lady.

She stirs her tea quietly in order not to all attention to her cup. She speaks softly in public places,

so that it will not be a disturbance to others.

She respects wishes and personal choices of others and will not ask intruding or potentially

embarrassing questions. While she may not agree with differing opinions, she will be gracious

about it.

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is disciplined in mind and heart.

She never assumes she is well-known, important, that people are thinking about her, talking

about her or will give her a ride home.

If she discovers any of those situations to be true, she graciously accepts and shows her

appreciation.

She never says to anyone, 'Do you know who I am?' or 'I don't deserve this! I deserve better.'

She'll never steals anyone's thunder by switching an conversational topic to herself. For instance

if someone was talking about their trip to Italy, she'll take over the conversation and tell them

what happened when SHE went to Italy.

She does not allow herself to go over an embarrassing situation in her mind. She disciplines

herself not to fuss and get on with it. She does not get embarrassed.

'She is disciplined in her lifestyle, not allowing herself to be drunk with wine, be addicted to bad

habits of eating junk food, shop incessantly, be over ridden with debt, have too many

possessions, or have disorder in her life and home.' - Quote unknown

She also knows being disciplined in her heart and mind means taking efforts to 'guard her heart'.

In Proverbs 4:23, it says 'Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.' Guarding

one's heart is reading, watching, listening to good, wholesome things that will inspire fruits such

as love, patience, kindness etc.

Eunice says: Personally, I find it helpful to keep this mental discipline to attend a church, get

involved in a good cause and community and reading good books. I also use a daily devotional.

is impeccable in appearance.

How to be lovely is also to be impeccable in appearance.

I was once told that in France, it is considered rude to go get bread at the bakery in home clothes

and unmade face. This is because you force others to look at you in less-than-presentable

appearance.

Good posture is important as well. A beautiful impeccable appearance is ruined by a poor

posture. Keep your back straight at all times. Do not fold your arms, slouch or lean on anything.

Learn to feel graceful with good posture. (More about developing poise.)

A lovely person definitely does not need to spend excessive time getting dressed. She achieves a

timeless style by a sense of thoughtfulness about herself.

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has a good work ethic.

She shows us how to be lovely by having a good work ethic.

Just as she is always on time, she has a strong work ethic.

She performs what is required of her, without complaining. She works hard and doesn't give in

even though she is tired. If she has a big client meeting the next day, she prepares for it and is

confident. She doesn't go out the night before if she has to pull off a big project the next day.

'I adored my work and did my best.' - Audrey Hepburn

has a balanced life with her values intact.

She is never too busy for her family, her loved ones.

She prioritizes and keeps things simple.

She is passionate about her work, but it will not take over her values. She is passionate about

family, but she does not neglect herself and she continues to take interests outside of family.

She knows when she is over-stretching herself and says 'no' to the unnecessary. Due to her

disciplined manner of living, she enjoys what she has chosen, designed. She is never hurried and

in a rush.

loves.

She loves. She loves her husband, her children, her mother-in-law. She loves dogs, beautiful

gardens, books. She takes time to get to know the world around her.

She does not merely expresses it with words but through actions.

She employs a thoughtfulness and observation of her world. She can notices things about little

children, remembering what is their favourite toy. She can recount silly stories of her dogs. She

sends birthday flowers.

She loves beautifully decorating her house and up keeping it. It has similarities like a child

playing with a dollhouse.

treats everyone the same.

She does not think she is better or more important than anyone and vice versa. She speaks in the

same manner to the janitor as she would to the vice president of her husband's company.

She also does not repay a rude comments with nastiness.

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is gracious.

She assumes the best of people. She says, "Oh, I trust and am very sure that in time to come, you

will know what to do." to the person who confides in her, instead of giving advice unless asked

for.

When complimented, she accepts it kindly but gives away the credit, praising someone who has

helped her with her hair.

is authentic and never puts on pretenses.

She is unafraid to say that she doesn't know and does not pretend to know.

She does not fake her youth, her wealth, or accomplishments or her age. She tries to be as

respectful as possible and is humble.

She gets the best quality that she can afford and will use it until it needs to be replaced.

is a giver.

A giving person is not merely generous with her finances. She is also generous with her time,

words, her things, affection, her compliments, encouragement and praises.

Ultimately being lovely comes when one is inspired for the love of people, which comes

supernaturally from God.

It is when you realize how much God loves you, in spite of ourselves, that brings out the

wonderful sense of loveliness so we can now bestow on others.

Deportment and Manners Elegance through Expressions, Poise and Carriage

How to be Graceful- A study of deportment and manners of graceful women. The poise that

knowledge gives.

While we can achieve elegance in our charcter and dressing, we may not achieve elegance in the

way we move and carry ourselves. Why? We lose the art of being graceful in our modern day

of convenience and time management, of rushing around, of being too busy ... coupled with the

fact we have no training in this area and very few examples of graceful women for us to emulate.

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I believe that in our journey of refinement, we should place value on learning how to be graceful.

It is important to learn how to move with beauty, style and elegance.

Our dictionaries loosely define deportment as "a manner of personal conduct; behavior."

I prefer to describe what it is over a few terms such as ... poise, bearing, walk and carriage. Of

course deportment is not limited to that as we will soon see.

Deportment is the way you express yourself through your features and by the way you move or

hold your body.

A woman who has beautiful deportment is said to be poised, graceful and elegant. She does

everything in the most finished manner.

I like to think of deportment as the art of moving gracefully.

3. How To Be Graceful

Though beautiful deportment may come more natural to others, it is obtained by training,

whether conscious or unconscious.

If you are a dancer, schooled in ballet and ballroom perhaps, chances that you will be better at

the art of deportment, because you are more conscious of the way your body moves. If your

parents are graceful in their movements, most likely, you will be walking and moving in the

same way. To some extent, education influences a person's deportment - as it relates back to

thoughts and how one thinks which prompts the body's response.

About 100 or so years ago, children were trained in deportment, but now deportment training is

mainly reserved for the acting profession. I'm not sure why it was dropped off the education

curriculum, but yes, I believe in its importance and thus I hope to archive the training of

deportment here on Elegantwoman.org!

So after researching acting and its methods, I've found a way for us to train ourselves in the art of

deportment. An overview of this is outlined below. This took me many years to find and

develop, as I was one of those girls who struggled with an ugly walk. I've corrected it over the

years though it is far from perfect. Anyway here goes!

Deportment simplified into areas of study

1. Expression 2. Manners and Etiquette 3. Dressing 4. Poise 5. How to Walk 6. How to Sit 7. Social Conduct

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Expression

To learn to be graceful, we must first study expression. Expression is the result of thought

'materializing' on her face. It is a form of action. This takes the form of facial expression,

gestures, walking, moving your arms etc.

So to ensure that we only give beautiful expressions, we have to control how we think, and

control the impressions we make in our head. That means to obtain beautiful and elegant

expressions, we have to obtain mental poise.

We also need the power of analysis and self-correction. Mastering this will give you command of

yourself and an appearance of ease.

See also how to be gentle.

Manners and Etiquette

To learn how to be graceful, you must have an understanding of basic manners and etiquette,

because they will govern your behaviour. They consist of a general study of how to socialize, be

introduced, be a perfect guest, when to and when NOT to apologize etc. The study of this will

give you a measure of confidence of knowing what to do in every situation, contributing to your

appearance of ease and removing every trace of self-consciousness.

You can read more into this in your own time on my basic etiquette pages.

However, don't get caught up in etiquette rules and judge other people by it, otherwise, you

would have missed the whole point. If I can only leave with one suggestion in your approach to

manners is that "You should always consider the feelings of others".

Dressing

How much does the clothing affect you? More than we think. I've privately interviewed several

women who admit that they feel better about themselves when they know that they look their

best.

Dress as though you might bump into that highly-esteemed someone on the street. Nothing

imparts quite the same glow of satisfaction as knowing that we are properly dressed. This will

affect your deportment. When you look your best, you will feel your best.

Poise

Poise is balance, and to obtain it, you have to understand balance in the way you hold yourself

and the way you speak.

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To obtain poise, a good understanding of posture and the way the body is designed 'to move or

be still' is needed. This, therefore is part of mental poise. By freeing yourself from inefficient

styles of movement and bad habits of gestures, your graceful personality will show.

Thus, the powers of awareness and observation come into play, opening your eyes to what you

are right now and how you should be.

To be balanced, you would need to know the right posture, to have a strong core and a strong

base. A strong core is established only by exercise and a strong base is determined by the

distance of your feet.

The right posture is a delicate balance of a straight back which is properly aligned with the

head, with your chin neither too low or high. Your feet are somewhat apart, your stomach in and

held, shoulders back and down, arms to the side. This posture is formed by training, exercise and

maintained by habit.

How To Walk

Unfortunately for us, most of us learn how to walk by copying faulty and ungraceful models. As

children who copy their parents, it is no doubt that we have been marred by examples of bad

walking from generation to generation.

How we should walk - we should walk in a manner that is characterized by grace and freedom.

It should not be hasty or hurried, legato, not staccato, not aimless but a deliberate rhythmical

movement of your legs and feet in sync with gentle compensating movements of head and arms

in a slow graceful swing.

When we walk, our upper torso should remain as strong as possible, it should not be swaying

back and forth. We should not be over-arching our back. Our heads, while relaxed, should not

distract others by bobbing, but should be slightly lifted, as though you have a confident

expectation of life. I suppose that is where the training by 'placing a book on your head' comes

in. If we have not employed ergonomics in our worklife, we may develop rounded shoulders and

a forward head, like a turtle. Correct this right away!

We should not waddle, as that suggests obesity, nor strut as fashion models do on the runway.

To learn to walk well, in style and grace is to attain self-possession and mastery.

How to Sit

You should not fall into a chair or throw yourself on it, nor sit cautiously as though you suspect

that it is dirty or would break under your weight.

Do not sit squarely on both feet, as that is too manly. Sit with your legs closed but lean them at

an angle to one side.

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Do not jump up or arise suddenly from your seat in an abrupt motion, nor lift feet up to 'stomp' as

you get up.

Social Conduct

Do not ever rush or be in "time management" mode. Also, while the appearance of "laziness" is

worn as a badge of pride in some circles, elegant deportment does allow any form of laziness for

instance, the act of lounging around.

If you are uncomfortable or self-conscious, you must do your best to mask it because to appear

uncomfortable is to not only increase your own discomfort in yourself but in others.

Learning how to overcome self-consciousness is also part of elegant deportment.

I'm not an expert on overcoming self-consciousness but you can start by building a sort of

elegant self-confidence. There are many ways to overcome this, but mastering a beautiful

deportment can help with this...by knowing that you are correctly postured and at ease (which

prevents further questioning in other people's minds) and possessing the confidence of having a

refined set of skills: good manners, correct diction, good grammar, elegance in your speech and

the art of conversation and socializing.

4. Manners And Etiquette How To Be Exquisite

Hello and welcome!

Do you know that etiquette and manners are not the same?

Everyone usually agrees that there is always improvement in their manners and etiquette.

I've taken much pleasure in studying this topic and happy to share what I've learned.

I think both the desire to improve and be a well-mannered person is a beautiful thing. By doing

so, we are acting in love. Love is kind, patient ... because we are thinking about others before

ourselves. We prevent annoyances, misunderstandings, imposing and living this way makes our

world a better place

Thank you for that!

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Why You Should Pay Attention To Your Manners

(I loved the manners of Linda & Cole

Porter in the movie Delovely)

Have you met someone you really liked?

She most probably had the most beautiful manners and she made you feel at ease. She was a

lady.

**Here is the greatest test of elegance and refinement - Her Manners

Manners are wonderful to have. It makes a person beautiful.

Manners are love, they are kindness, they are refinement. I enjoy being in a family where

everyone speaks kindly to each other.

What Are Your Manners Saying About You?

Our manners say much more about us than we realize.

a. They tell other people who you are.

b. How you were brought up.

c. What kind of family you have.

d. Your social economic status (or matter-of-factly, class)

e. Your level of education.

f. The extent of your reading, travelling experiences

g. What kind of person you are.

h. What do you think about all the time (are you a self-absorbed narcissist? Or are you

considerate of the other person)?

i. Your level of self control, the way you handle conflict, what is it like to live with

you...amongst other things

Manners' Little Secret

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Here is a little secret of having unsually refined manners.

Despite your insecurities, you can arise above all that and communicate a better sense of yourself

(as opposed to reality and history), with fine, elegant manners.

I love this quote by J.K Rowling

"It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities" - J. K. Rowling

In other words, when you have fine manners, you can be who you want to be. You choose who

you want to be. People won't even have a clue about lack of your education, wealth etc. They

might even think 'way off'.

There are times we feel we aren't good enough. We aren't educated enough, sophisticated

enough, or are embarrassed of your family's lack of resources. We didn't go to the right schools,

hang out with the right people etc.

Despite all the above, you can rise beyond all that WITH the best, most beautiful, exquisite

manners. That's Manners' little secret.

People probably assume you were educated at top schools. They'll like to be around you because

of the way you make them feel. They'll feel impressed by and maybe even secretly admire you.

If one day, you get 'found out', you'll realize that it no longer matters because you have

assimilated. You've become one of them. You're friends now with people you like and choose to

be friends with.

At the end of the day, we are not interested in people who do not like us. We want to find friends

of similar tastes and goals.

Whatever your social circle is, everyone likes someone who have manners. They like you. They

want to be around you. They warm up to you. They think you're great.

You've become classy.

Manners are kindness. And people respond to kindness.

Speaking kindly to someone regardless, is a show of mutual respect or the recognition that we

are all the same.

Being well dressed is pleasant and inspiring. Otherwise, it is distracting and negative.

When you communicate with manners, you've considered the other person's thoughts and

feelings. That is kindness.

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Manners is NOT Etiquette

The truth about manners ...manners is not etiquette.

Manners are the result of a kind heart. Etiquette is an orderly way of doing things and a

customary code of conduct of good behaviour.

Etiquette is like the Law but it is not the law.

Have you ever tried reading etiquette books?

In general, etiquette are a list of (almost boring) rules. While some are helpful, they can get quite

ridiculous. It is simply impossibly to remember all of them.

Manners, on the other hand, are a result of graciousness. Having manners is a sure tell-tale sign.

An elegant person, despite wearing a pretty dress, poised, looking gorgeous, falls fast from

elegance when her face turns sour as she complains about everything.

How to Have Both Manners and Etiquette

If you have manners first, etiquette will follow. Etiquette are well thought of rules that present an

orderly way of doing things, as well as the most considerate, conflict-avoiding way.

Don't Get Offended By The Lack Of Manners

Having manners is also about putting up with the lack of it in someone else.

It'ss easy to get offended when you've put in considerable effort in your manners but someone

else has not. How tempting it is to go, "she's so rude!". Firstly, the harsh expression on your face

is not exactly becoming. Secondly, we'll still be gracious in spite of. Most people have good

intentions but do not realize.

Always try to be patient and see others in the best light. God helps us with His grace!

5. An Elegant Life The Art Of Elegant Living

An elegant life - You first have to choose.

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How do we live an elegant lifestyle?

In my opinion, it is one which is uncluttered, simple yet splattered with meaning, love, family

and friends selective passionate hobbies.

A lady is never in a rush, nor is she flustered. She may be occupied, but not busy. She always

have time for her family and leisure but not too much time till she gets but bored. She never

dreads her feet and finds meaning in her work. She is patient and kind, and doesn't draw attention

to herself. See 'How to be a Lady'

One wonders, "How does she have it all put together?"

It boils down to one simple principle: careful selection.

First of all, some self reflection is a must. Think about what is the MOST important to you in life

and ensure your daily choices reflect that.

For instance, if you wanted to spend more time with your children, opt for the lesser paid job

which allows you to work from home. If you decide that you no longer wanted to be in a toxic

relationship, minimize the time spent with that person and slowly withdraw yourself.

"Elegance is refusal." - Coco Chanel

With this "framework" in mind, we eliminate choices that are not meant to be and we'll no longer

There are some general principles of an elegant life you can follow:

1) Choose quality, the best that you can afford. Learn to assess value of the item. Once you can

do so, you can pick out good quality for less. Leave all the cheaply poorly made stuff behind.

2) Minimise stuff. Have only one of everything. Do not buy anything until you have completely

exhausted its use.

3) Keep your house in order.

4) Do not overload your schedule

5) Do things that make you happy.

6) Be selective of the activities and hobbies you pursue. Limit them to less than five.

7) Don't pay too much attention to fashion. Develop your own style.

8) Learn to enjoy the simplest most authentic pleasures in life: a good book, cuisine made from

the freshest ingredients, riding a bike.

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9) Choose your friends wisely. Look for friends with similar values.

10) Go to church and grow spiritually. It does wonders for your heart.

11)Learn something new. Take an online class. A new language, a skill. Pursue that nagging

interest.

12) Take up ballet or ballroom dancing. It does wonders for your posture.

13) Travel. Traveling opens up mindsets and exposes us to culture where we can learn a thing or

two.

14) Keep your finances healthy. The art of good stewardship.

15) Appreciate the arts. Learn to see the beauty in the world around you. In children's art, in

plays, musicals etc.

16) Throw a party! If you are intimidated, throw a small dinner party for five.

Some tips on Elegant Entertaining

17) You don't need to know everything, just pick a few subjects you love and passionately

pursue a deeper knowledge of it

18) Cultivate a relationship with yourself. Spend some me-time. Always seek self-knowledge. It

is easy to get lost especially when we wear many hats.

So there in lies the art of refinement. Despite the greater understanding and knowledge we

obtain, we still have to make a conscious effort to simplify and weed out the unnecessary.

A refined person works on herself as God works like an artist. Slowly, surely day by day, loving

the creation He has made and having a vision of the final completion ... His masterpiece. You.

6. Tips On Elegance Quick And Easy Ways To Become Elegant

Simple daily reminders about the choices we make. We can choose elegance.

Appearance

Elegant Keywords: Clean, Neat, Simple

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1. Posture: Always stand up straight, never slouch, sit with your legs crossed, or fold your

arms.

2. Think positive things so that you'll wear a warm expression on your face.

3. Ensure your shoes are not dirty, or scuffed and your clothes are ironed and has no stains.

4. Keep hair away from your face. Wear it in a neat chignon or ponytail.

5. Dress appropriately according to occasion. If in doubt, wear a classic-styled dress in a

neutral colour with small, elegant accessories. That always works.

Speech

1. Refrain from using vulgarities.

2. Remain positive and speak about only good things.

3. Be gracious when you encounter someone rude. When insulted, hold your head up in self

respect and walk away.

4. Be friendly and remain light-hearted in conversation. Pour your sorrows only to a very

close friend.

5. Greet, say hello, please and thank you.

6. Without being stiff, speak as properly as you can manage, pronounce your words clearly

and avoid slang.

7. Downplay your emotions, problems unless you are talking with your bestfriend.

8. Exaggeration is not pretty. "I've been to Paris a million times!" vs "Yes, I try to go there

often because its one of my favourite vacation spots".

9. Never praise yourself. Or draw attention to yourself.

Elegant Home

Keep it simple, clean and add soft decorative elements.

Keep clutter out of sight!

Avoid novelty items, dangling trinkets, too many photos or art work on the walls.

Avoid harsh colours, sharp-edged looking furniture. For a more in depth commentary on an

elegant home, click "Home" title of this section.

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Buying Only Elegant Things

1. Learn to cultivate an eye for beauty. Appreciate good design, flowers, beautiful places,

books.

2. Discipline yourself to keep your possessions as sparse as possible. Have only one of

everything as much as possible. One car, one watch, one camera etc.

3. Train yourself to decipher value. Instead of going for the cheapest or most expensive

item, learn to see which item is most value for money.

4. Develop a shopping habit to only buying things of the highest quality that you can afford.

5. Before you shop for clothes, spend about five minutes looking through your wardrobe.

That will help you buy things that you really need and things that complement the things

you already have.

Pursue Education

Take pride in getting educated. Do not undermine the value of education.

Continually invest in your education.

Pick an area of interest and develop on it. Take classes, read, write about it. Become an elite!

Adopt A Sport

1. Learn a sport or two and pursue it passionately.

2. Make time for that sport. Set a once a week, fortnight, a month.

3. Find friends to do those sports together as much as you can!

Travel and Culture

1. Develop a more in depth knowledge of different cultures. This is to give an appreciation

of the differences in people and countries.

2. Travel, it expands your mind and broadens your horizons.

3. Learn about the cuisine of different cultures. At least know one or two famous dishes

from every country or culture.

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4. It is very flattering to others of that culture that you made the effort. To get out of our

comfort zone is to be sophisticated.

5. That knowledge increases your elegant self confidence.

Acquire A Social Ease Among People

1. Always remember your greetings. Introduce yourself or introduce others to each other.

2. At a party, find the host/hostess to offer your greetings and your gift.

3. Keep it light-hearted, mingle, do not talk to any one person longer than five to ten

minutes. Make your way around!

4. Dress your best (appropriately), you'll be a lot at ease at yourself, smiling with

confidence.

5. Say goodbye to your host before you go

Elegant Entertaining

1. As you graciously go to parties, learn how to throw one! Its returning the social favour.

2. Start by taking initiative to organize dinner for your friends. Organize the emails, text

messages, book the restaurant, send out reminders.

3. As you gain more confidence playing the hostess, you can start by throwing teas, coffees

at your house or in your garden. It is more elegant to throw and (completely fund the

party).

4. It's not elegant to expect your guests to split the cost or mention anything about how

much you've paid for the food and wine.

An Elegant Mind

1. Always fill your mind and heart with love, kindness, compassion. My personal

suggestion is attend a good church.

2. Be considerate, and never rude. Always think about others before yourself, which is not

quite natural to do so human-wise. So I'll do so with the grace of God!

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3. Be interested in others, in the world around you.

4. If you are feeling a tad sour, look around you and tell 10 things about the room or the day

that you like.

5. Appreciate beauty, quality, perfection and fine workmanship.

6. See past the faults of others, see the good in them. See them through Jesus's eyes.

7. Never ever rush, be in a panic. Ask yourself, 'what is the worst that can happen?' In most

cases, its not a life emergency.

Time Tested Beauty Tips

as recommended by your elegant ambassador Audrey Hepburn Audrey and her son Sean

Used with permission from audreyhepburn.com

For attractive lips, speak words of kindess.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry

For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day

For poise, walk with knowledge you'll never walk alone.

We leave you a tradition with a future.

The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete.

People even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and

redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.

Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself,

the other for helping others.

Your "good old days" are still ahead of you, may you have many of them.

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7. How To Be A Lady

There are all sorts of theories on how to be a lady. Two that struck me was that being a lady does

not require wealth, though historically there were a larger proportion of ladies among the

wealthy. The other one is an Southern Texan saying that it normally takes seven generations to

make a lady.

Since one generation is equivalent to thirty to forty years, that means it would take over 200

years for anyone to become a lady!

Thankfully, with modern technology, libraries and video, we can draw upon them for examples

and study.

It is my goal on elegantwoman.org to minimize the 200 time period, though I must admit that I

understand why it might take seven generations to make a lady.

Ladies are Not Born, They are Made "Being a woman does not automatically make one a lady."

The quicker we understand this, the less hard we would be on ourselves when we make mistakes

or etiquette boo-boos.

The key to understanding of learning to how to become a lady is this: Learn through reading,

understanding, imitation, acting and get over your blunders as soon as possible.

Many women tell me they often feel fake, unnatural when they try to develop ladylike behaviour.

Their friends also are unused to them, often commenting that they have become too formal.

When change happens, you'll often feel like everything is thrown off balance. You feel uncertain,

may feel nervous and wobbly. That is simply the process of finding a new balance. Tweak it,

adjust and you'll find the right balance as you change sooner than you think.

What does being a lady mean to you?

So many images are conjured in people's minds when they think about how to become a lady.

Perhaps, they are thinking of Scarlett O'Hara in victorian times and feel that they must go back to

the style of dress in order to look ladylike and elegant. Quite often celebrities and their

movie/television characters are mimicked as reference points for ladylike behaviour due to their

high visibility.

But being a lady is more than that. I believe it's best summarized by Candice Simpson, who

wrote How To Be A Lady A Contemporary Guide To Common Courtesy. Here is my

paraphrased and abridged version:

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Manners, attitudes, appropriate dress and social mores have changed so dramatically that the

definition of being a lady has left everyone confused.

A lady by today's definition knows that educating herself in every way possible, from higher

education to the common sense manners, empowers her to become a woman of accomplishment

and poise. She knows it is not her dress size or the money she possess that brings her satisfaction

in life.

A lady knows that beauty and wealth can be fleeting, but her inner character is the measure by

which others will ultimately judge her as a person.

Her courtesies, the high esteem in which she holds herself and others, and her sincere words of

praise and thoughtfulness will reflect her strong values and place her ahead in the minds and

hearts of those who know her. Being thought of as a "lady" may be the one of the highest

compliments a woman can receive in her life.

The Modern Lady

In the past, women from all socioeconomic backgrounds wanted to be thought of as ladies.

Peasant girls treasure a hand-me-down bonnet and wear them on special occasions or when they

go to town. Other girls who were fortunate to be educated at home pride themselves in learning

and made effort to remember their manners, read, write, draw, play the piano and sing, no matter

how much money, connections or status they lack.

Servant girls served with dignity and tried their best to mimick the way ladies spoke and devoted

their time to read by candlelight when their duties were over.

Wanting to be ladies in modern day

I know wanting to learn 'how to be a lady' in modern times may seem unnecessary and uncool.

You might even get laughed at. Afterall, it is more fashionable to be like our modern day

superstars, Katy Perry, Rihannaa, Fergie etc etc. Learning how to be a lady - the subject - itself

sounds old fashioned and grandmotherish.

Call it what you like, but understanding the processes of how to be a lady is akin to pursuing a

well-rounded education, as written extensively as anywhere on elegantwoman.org. It is the fruit

of a studied life, which will produce greater happiness, fulfillment, purpose and influence,

depending of course on what you would like out of this life.

These studies of being a lady did not come without a price. It is the result of many years of trial

and error, research and discoveries, years of thought and philosophy and culture that was

inherited, modified and passed down to us by our forefathers. I think we are sometimes too quick

to discard the old and embrace the new.

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The World of a Lady

1. Your world is generally a more pleasant place.

2. Everyone seems to speak kindly and gently to you as you would to them. You'll start to

feel like royalty whenever you go. (On a side note, I've stumbled upon a blog of an ex-

friend and she complains about how people are rude to her all the time. I've known her all

my life and I wish she can see that people are rude and mean to her because she was to

them in the first place. However, I did tell her something similar (actually to stop being a

freeloader because people are talking) and got booted off her friends list.)

3. The more you act like a lady, the more you bring out the gentlemanly side of the boys

and men in your life. When you ask nicely and gently, you'll be surprised about the

reaction it evokes in others. Your husband or son might initially think there may be

something wrong with you. Perhaps they become suspicious, but you do not need to

explain, just keep at it.

4. People will be relaxed around you and seem to like you. I know this might sound absurd,

but you'll notice that even the dogs and cats like you more. It is a great self-esteem

booster!

5. When you feel like a lady, you'll feel more beautiful.

6. Eventually you'll stop feeling like a fake, because you've become a lady and you might

even develop the courage to graciously stand up for something you believe in, or for

someone who has no voice.

7. You will gain a relaxed sense of confidence, an ease about yourself. You will feel secure

in yourself. You won't feel the need to impress or respond to bad manners with the same

tit-for-tat. YOu are gracious.

8. Whether by conscious effort or instinct, being a lady helps you be decisive and assured -

of knowing how to go about your day, get around in life, what to do in every situation.

9. Being a lady is about being kind. It is also about choosing to believe the best in others

and yourself.

Misconceptions of Being a Lady

Today, what it means to 'be a lady' is lost among the sea of messages of what one wears, what

one talks about, who she hangs out with or where they dine, holiday, hang out. That is hardly

accurate at all.

Here are some misconceptions of becoming a lady, or who is a lady. Don't let this stop you!

1. A lady has to know all the rules of etiquette.

2. A lady is boring, she doesn't say what she really thinks.

3. A lady can't be fashionable. She has to wear conservative looking clothes from the

victorian ages.

4. Being a lady means you're old-fashioned and boring. Only grannies care about being

ladies.

5. A lady is so feminine, she doesn't like sports.

6. A lady is elegant but not sexy. She is not carefree and free-spirited.

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Read more misconceptions of Being A Lady and myths about elegance.

How did teachings of "How to be a Lady Develop?

Some say training women to become ladies originated from Royal Etiquette

This is my version, drawn from my research.

It seems that it all began with a little set of rules. It is in human nature to prefer beauty over

vulgarity. With some basic observation and development of culture, a series of 'behaviour' had

been encouraged and others been eliminated - pretty much in favour of what is beautiful. I

suppose that is how cutlery had been developed, instead of eating with our hands.

Etiquette had developed alongside. Back when kings and queens ruled the earth, etiquette was

written for people who lived in the royal courts. They were guidelines on 'how to behave'.

Fun fact: A little bird told me that the first etiquette rule was in french and it meant 'stay off the grass'!

Over generations, the art of 'how to be a lady' has been studied, polished and refined perhaps

starting in the royal courts and aristocratic circles which then trickled down to the masses and

finally to us, due to social and technological advancement and the wide spread availability of

education.

The Essence of Being A Lady

A Kind Heart and a Conquerer

Being a lady is simply having extended manners such as always looking for a way to be kind and

generous, as well as being a conqueror in life (meaning overcoming struggles and rising above

difficulties).

A lady has usually given thought and also more or less developed an organized way to go about

life.

True, a lady should employ herself in personal grooming, dress well and learn etiquette.

However if you are without a kind heart and thus without manners, people will see through the

actions as being articial.

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How To Be A Lady Character Wise A lady remains composed.

No matter what the situation, she tries her best to keep her composure and calm. She knows that

no matter how she freaks out, it is not going to help the matter. Keeping her cool and calm

enables her to employ her best action.

A lady does not steal someone's thunder Upstaging the bride, turning the conversation to oneself or taking over the conversation, talking

incessantly about herself or talking non-stop for that matter is not something she would do.

She gives credit when credit is due, better yet, she gives away all the credit and singles out

people who have made it a team effort.

How to be a lady, then?

If she has been to Italy many times, and someone who just came back from Italy for the first

time, she does not take this time to share her experiences but very nicely asks, "Did you enjoy

it?" and lets her talk about her experience.

She does not have a know-it-all attitude. Despite her qualifications, she does not let her appearance communicate the "I-know-better". She

keeps this to herself and retains a humble attitude. In fact, the more one knows, the more they are

humble about it, because they understand that it is impossible for anyone to know everything or

achieve it all. She does not make anyone feel less or stupid.

A lady does not expect everyone to like her, think like her, agree with her or be friends with

her. No matter how nice she is, she understands that about one in ten people she meets may not like

her in the way she wishes. She goes about her business, still proceed to remain friendly and

polite but does not go the extra mile to gain the friendship that is not wanted.

How to be a lady?

She also does not expect everyone to agree with her all the time or have the same values or

thinking. She accepts individuality and respects personal choice. She is comfortable with

differences.

She keeps her word.

She respects deadlines and keeps them. She also remembers words no matter how friendly they

are, are not to be taken lightly. She acknowledges that words have power. She knows that she

can refuse to talk about anything if she doesn't want to.

She also means what she says and she remembers her promises, even if the other party does not.

She never talks too much about a subject. She does not bother go into too much detail, There is

always a slight regret after one talks too much.

She is formal in her emails at work.

She writes in a respectful and business like manner, knowing that it is important to keep it short,

to the point and make her requests clear.

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She uses the subject in her email to allow someone to identify it immediately. She also leaves

adequate contact details.

Though blackberries and email-on-the-go are common these days, she does not assume that an

email can replace an text message on the phone or a phone call.

She does not expect a reply immediately and will wait up to a few days to re-send that email. She

also understands that if it is truly urgent, she will not depend on email but will use the phone,

make a trip to the office, or send a registered letter.

At work, she is respectful to all she works with, and does not treat people differently

according to rank and position within the company.

She does not act like she works hard only when the boss walks in. She does not claim all the

credit when she hands over a report, if the work has been shared. Neither does she speaks with

positivity, smiles and energy to those above her, rudely and coldly, grumbling to those who work

under her.

How To Be A Lady At A Party

At a party or a wedding, she does not talk about work or business or use the opportunity to

make a sales pitch.

It is never proper to hand out business cards at personal events of celebrations: a wedding, a

Christmas party or a dinner party. It is not a place to do business, to network or gain clients, out

of respect for your host.

There is a place to do that. Never ask for a business card. If someone asks for yours, adhere to

the request in a very quiet manner.

If you do want to make the contact, suggest that the person contact the host to get your contact or

say that you will contact your host to get their details.

Though this is off-the-record and highly advised to use personal discretion, to get their full name

and add them on Facebook.

When meeting someone for the first time, stand to shake his/her hands.

When being introduced, kindly stand so that everyone may see who you are.

A lady is always a great guest at parties.

She never arrives too early or late and always brings a gift. She dresses up and appropriately for

the party.

She never shows up with or as an uninvited guest to the party without first asking permission.

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She socializes, gets acquainted with everyone and engages in pleasant conversations. She does

not hog any guest or monopolize the conversations.

She keeps her conversation light and friendly.

She never asks to be shown around the house unless she is offered a tour. She never ventures into

personal areas like the bedroom, bathroom other than the allocated party area.

She doesn't take or touch things or be too friendly to help herself to the fridge (unless requested

to). She sends a thank you note after the party.

When invited to a party, she does not ask, "Who will be going?"

This show a conditional acceptance and is not particularly gracious. It exhibits a self-absorbed

focus instead of the appreciation of being invited.

If you have some concerns, do find other ways and be tactful about it. She also rsvp as quickly as

possible, with the view that her host will have an easier time planning.

If she declines, she gives a straight forward answer instead of, "I'll let you know, I might be

coming." (and often as it happens, the 'I'll let you know if I can come' 95% ends up as without

any further response or attendance.)

If you said you are coming, ensure that you be there. I cannot count the number of times I've

heard very generous hosts complained she cooked for 20 but only 15 came.

And as a horrifying result, some texted to say they cannot come at 9pm when the party starts at

8pm with very stupid reasons and many simply did not show. It is an incredibly inconsideration.

How To Be A Lady Socially

She asks permission before giving out the phone number of her friend.

She also never calls anyone after 1030 pm and before 9 am, unless it is an absolute emergency.

A lady knows her boundaries and does not overstep it.

She does not call by first name unless asked. She does not turn up unannounced to someone's

home. She never asks about what someone's home is worth, profit margin, or how much money

they make or earn.

She never makes an enquiry about how many people the other person in her company has dated,

their sexual history or go into any intimate details. She also never asks how much something

costs, amount spend per head at the wedding, where they bought it from, at least NOT directly.

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She knows that even if so-and-so is her bestfriend, and calls her her bestfriend, she cannot expect

to gain that 'title' in return but is graciously happy when it is returned.

She does not expect her 'bestfriend' to tell her everything, or keep nothing from her but respect

her wishes.

She also makes her request known clearly, for example, if she could have the price brought down

due to a defect, but does not persist relentlessly or to say something that makes the sales assistant

feel uncomfortable and avoid her eyes.

P.s. I know when you are close to someone, all the above does not matter, but this is written only

to encourage discretion and to be sensitive.

How To Be A Lady With Your Phone

During dinner, or having a meal with someone, she does not chat on her phone.

Depending on the formality of the situation, she does not turns her phone to silent and does not

take calls during a formal dinner. If casual, she answers only if the call seems urgent and rings

them back an hour later after the meal is over. If she does take the call, she offers immediately to

call them back after her social engagement.

She certainly does not chat, resolve any issue etc.

How To Be A Lady When Travelling

At a hotel, or a friend's house, she leaves the place as it was before.

She tries to clear her rubbish, neaten the place, or clean the sink if there are watermarks.

How To Be A Lady With Integrity

She does not cancel at every whim. She is dependable when you make a social engagement

with her.

I certainly enjoy meeting up with these people and are very happy that most friends bear this

trait. If they said that they will turn up, they will definitely do, no matter how many people are

already at a party. They show a committed, disciplined character with high integrity.

How To Be A Lady in the Art of Conversation

A lady never interrupts someone mid-sentence.

A lady should never try to guess before someone speaking finishes her sentence and should

never try to interrupt.

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Although, I do understand when we sometimes enter into conversation with someone who talks

incessantly. I try my very best to relax and let the person continue chattering while I keep very

quiet.

Sooner or later, she will realize and give you room to speak. I often notice as well, people who

talk too much, do not listen as well. So take extra care to ensure you have communicated clearly.

A lady refrains from giving unsolicited explanations.

If you do not choose to smoke, drink or take some chocolate. Simply say no and perhaps ask for

something else. It is really not necessary to go on further. Sometimes we add on because we feel

a little insecure or perhaps sense your friend wondering and would like to help out by answering

before being asked.

I had a humiliating experience when I was in my teens. My mother insisted I carry a cell phone

to school because she had bought one for me, but at that time, no one had cell phones except the

'rich kids'.

I was not rich (but had a generous mother), nor was comfortable being labeled as 'rich' and

wanted to be like everyone else. (I even kept my leather designer purse at home that my mother

bought me on her business trip and bought an ordinary one - faux leather - for myself at the local

mall to avoid embarrassing questions to how much it cost etc. )

From a young age, I never felt comfortable parading anything that other children didn't have - so

when my friends found out that I had a cell phone, they asked to look at it. I sheepishly handed it

over and proceeded to explain how I got it - how my mother had a great discount etc. There was

one guy who looked at me straight in the eye and said, "I asked to see it, not to get an

explanation."

How to be a lady?

From then on, I learned to shut up and not apologize for anything, yet graciously responding.

How To Be A Lady In The Company Of Others

A lady makes an effort to remember names and pronounce them correctly.

She repeats their names after being introduced to make sure she got them right. She uses a

memory game to ensure that she remembers their name.

I know it in my heart that it is an excuse when I say, I'm bad with names.

She asks permission before giving out the phone number of her friend.

She also never calls anyone after 1030 pm and before 9 am, unless it is an absolute emergency.

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Proper introduction: Introduce the younger to the older, the man to the woman

If there is rank, introduce the 'lower' rank to the one 'higher one'. Though I do not feel that we

have to strictly adhere to this, use your own discretion with this general guideline.

Never assume that your friends know each other or have introduced themselves.

How to be a lady?

A lady never brags, she makes light of her achievements when praised.

She also quickly changes the topic after graciously saying her 'Thank yous'. She never brags

especially about luxury items if someone present might be struggling with a small income. She

never says things to make other people feel small or says things to make only herself feel better.

She also never laughs or makes jokes at other people's expenses.

Even though it has been many years, I can still recollect the painful memories when I was a

child, a teenager, a young woman of being laughed at. They could be due to the lack of income,

of designer things, lack of sophistication, lack of knowledge of clever things etc.

I get laughed at my inability to speak fluent 'local' Mandarin, for being too skinny, for saying a

wrong word etc.

I never want others to ever feel how I felt and go through extra pains to never make anyone feel

terrible about themselves. Its better to encourage them.

A lady refrains from asking uncomfortable questions.

"Have you lost/gained weight?"

"Is it real?" (gold/diamond/designer goods etc)

"How much did it cost?"

"What grade/specs is your diamond?"

"What happened to your face?"

"What is that on your face?" (usually a very big pimple or a rash)

"You don't remember me do you?"

"Is that your boyfriend?"

"When is it your turn?" (to get married, have a child etc)

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"Why did you get retrenched? What happened to your old job?"

If you really have to ask, please try to be indirect or be sensitive that your friend might be

uncomfortable or really does not want to talk about it.

And please do not use the age-old disclaimer, "I don't mean to intrude," or "I hope you don't

mind me asking..."

She does not speak in another language to another person. if there are others in the room who

cannot understand. She never whispers or points at someone and laugh.

If you can't communicate in the general language of the party, try your very best to speak

privately, or look at your other guests and say, excuse me for a bit, I need to explain what that

means in Indonesian for her.

Its best to keep to topics where you can engage in speaking in the main language if there is

someone else who only understands the basics. Do not let the party go on with a constant

translation - it is inconsiderate to the other guests.

Whispering or cupping your hand over the person's ear is no no. Both looking at a person, then

smiling and laughing out loud is also offensive. It makes the person of the subject very insecure.

If you need to speak privately, do so out of the view of others. Send a sms message discreetly if

you really must.

How to be a lady when making mistakes

A lady is not afraid of making apologies when she made a mistake.

No one likes to do it, and it takes a humble spirit and strength of character to do so. I work on my

character (or ask God to work on me!), grit my teeth and keep my face calm when I do.

She does not bring it up again and again. When being apologized to, she accepts as graciously as

possible and keeps her feelings in control, no matter how she wants to lash out at the offense.

She makes the effort to move on.

She never apologies if not in the wrong

How to be a lady When She is Angered

A lady never shouts or raises her voice.

She never allows her face to be contorted with rage, seethe, be incensed.

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In anger, she is controlled and very smartly removes herself if she feels that she is about to snap,

near her tipping point and break out of control. She knows how to cool herself down and knows

its best to deal with the situation in a calm manner.

If she is having an intense discussion while the person perhaps is irritated, possibly enraged,

affected, she wisely excuses herself or changes the subject for the moment. She knows that there

is no point in arguing.

She can always come back to it later when there is some time alone for each to think reflect.

A lady does not get embarrassed.

When she said the wrong word, makes a silly mistake, or is the subject of 'jokes' by an

inconsiderate friend who proceeds to tell of her dating history in at a dinner party, she does not

allow herself to be embarrassed, and deals with the mishap in a composed, dignified manner.

She does not proceed to 'fake laugh' at her mistake and go on and on about it, in hopes of

concealing her mistake. But perhaps a laugh or a smile and move on.

She gives a generous smile at her offending guest, and says, "Now enough of that, you embarrass

me!" Show a bit of unconcern and disinterest, move away eye contact then strategically change

the subject.

How to be a lady when making a phone call

When a lady calls first, she ends the call too.

If it is a minute-long call, ask when you first call "Do you have a spare minute?" And do stick to

that minute. Or if you need five minutes, make that request clear. You may also say, 'Is this a

good time?'

Asking "When will be a good time to call?" is also excellent.

How to be a lady when she needs to direct.

A lady never puts anyone on the spot.

She never singles out a person and ask direct questions especially in front of everybody. If she

has to say something unpleasant, she does so privately.

She does not asks guests to pray acknowledging that not everyone is comfortable to and usually

does it. She also does not insist that everyone must pray.

She does not make guests place games at her parties especially if those games involve speaking

in front of everyone, running around the room or sitting on the floor.

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Some people might be wearing dresses or is particular about dirt on the floor or have fears of

public speaking.

How to be a lady - my personal experience

I personally prefer not to have games where everyone stares at you in the room while you share

something about yourself, play a game using any sort of intelligence or someone is put on the

spot (unless they are children).

Although I have no qualms about public speaking as long as it is in the English language, but

people come with different personalities.

I simply state my observations that at least half the guests are extremely uncomfortable, or are

shy, or might feel not so confident displaying their grammar, quick wit or creativity. Obviously,

if all of you have been friends a long time, or it is in a very intimate setting - this is perfectly

acceptable.

I do not like to subject my guests to games because I do not like assuming that they do like

games!

How to be a lady When Expressing Herself

A lady does not complain or whine or nag.

Although this is also a result of cultural differences, how many of us can actually say that we

enjoy the conversations when someone is complaining or whining or nagging?

A lady uses all the magic words, refrains from vulgarity in language.

Vulgarity in language does not simply apply to swear words. She does not use swear words and

maintains composure in her words. Limiting them is key.

It is vulgar to criticize, boast or speak of other people's personal problems to everyone.

It is sometimes vulgar to be too direct to the point where it is inappropriate. Or assume. Or to use

"I" too much. Or to use "intense words" like, "angry"(use annoyed or irritated),"ugly", "hate", or

other rude words.

How to be a lady With Personal Opinions

She does not voice strong opinions on her likes and dislikes e.g. "I can't stand poodles. They are

so ugly."

She understands that the company present might actually like poodles, or have a poodle or intend

to buy a poodle. She also does not preach about any subject, give strong comments on politics,

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business, another church, another religion, another race. Especially to people she does not know

well.

I know we are all humans and we have many strong opinions. Do use great discretion when

voicing them, or limit them as much as you can. Discuss them with your mother, your husband.

Write anonymously on a blog.

She does not correct someone's grammar, pronounciation or laugh at the mistake.

She does not say things like, "Goodness, what is she wearing?" or ask, "What is the brand of

your jeans?"

How to be a lady With Personal Favours

A lady never asks for free help from professional friends and asks for help only if she fully

expects to pay.

If the friend offers it free or a discount, she accepts them graciously if she wishes. Though she

has the means, she wants to pay full price to support her friends. If her friends are already doing

well, she may show her appreciation by recommending more friends.

How tempting this is but after I had my first business, I never found it very satisfying when the

friend asks for the discounts first even though I had every intention to offer them a discount, at

cost price or even free.

I also appreciated greatly when a friend insists on pay full price to support my growing business.

When I was touched by this gesture, I wanted to make this gesture mine, and proceeded to do so

the best I can.

How to be a lady When Doing Favours For Others

When a lady does a favour, she is quiet about it and tries not to let anyone know.

She does not make an announcement or spectacle of it, neither does she make the person feel

embarrassed or reminded of her generosity of the favour.

She does not tell everyone that she has sponsored their family's holiday, how much it cost, paid

for her new spa package or she invited them on their yacht, with all expenses paid.

If she allows her friend, Kelly, her restaurant to hold a party at a discount, she does not make her

friend feel that her party did not spend enough, or that she could have made more money if she

did not allowed Kelly to use her restaurant.

She does not tell her this, no matter what inconveniences it has cost her, no matter what

disagreement she may have afterwards or if any argument has sufficed. It is integrity of the word.

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If Kelly made a mess, or ruined some chairs, did not pay etc, have a personal talk to her and not

mentioning any of the above because the issue is separate.

Obviously, she will not be invited again if she had be inconsiderate, rude or un-appreciative.

How To Be A Lady with Social Debt

She is aware of social debt.

If she accepts favours, she knows the favour has to be repaid. She repays social invitations by

giving social invitations. She understands that a friendship has to be two ways, one invitation

followed by her issuing the invitation. She cannot be expected to be invited to parties constantly

without inviting back.

How To Be A Lady In Relationships

A lady never points out or discuss mistakes, faults, imperfections of her partner.

It is hard because we ladies like to seek solace in one another and complain and compare to make

ourselves feel better, or sometimes for entertainment. Sometimes, within a light hearted

conversation it is accepted, but I do urge all of us, myself included to be considerate of how our

partner would feel or if he does the same to us.

A lady never goes into details about her break-ups or her past relationships.

Leave in the past in the past and do not inquire about others. It is none of our business.

How To Be A Lady When Observing The Unpleasant

A lady never points out negative observations about someone's manners, the bad behaviour

of someone's child, the state of her house or car etc.

She makes people feel at ease, never takes it personally, is never offended if they did not do as

she would have done.

She pretends to not notice at the child's bad behaviour, a person's unkempt appearance, knowing

that she might have had a bad time at home before she came out. She never stares when someone

chews with their mouth open, talks with their mouth full, spills, knocks over the coffee cup,

sneezes, coughs.

She does not stare or point no matter what.

She does not make a gossipy interested face, no matter how interested she is.

She does not encourage more gossip, does not want to know. At least she wills herself to.

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She does not eat someone else's food without permission. She does not ask if she could.

She refrains from doing so, even when offered.

On the airplane, she does not remove her shoes unless she does so to wear the 'bedroom

slippers' they have provided.

She is considerate how feet sometimes might smell and is diligent to do so. She brings a pair of

fresh socks to wear on the plane, if she must remove her shoes. She also does not hog armrests.

She understands that eating is a private action and does not stare or look at someone when

they eat.

That is of course, when having a meal together, she focuses on the person's counterance, her/his

eyes and not how she/he eats.

She allocates proper time for her meals, sits down and eats at a table, not in front of television.

She eats slowly and chews. She does not eat on the go, eat while walking, driving, on the bus, in

public places, unless it is a picnic.

She does not put make up in public places.

A discreet quick application of lipgloss or lipstick is quite acceptable though it is advised to

make sometime to go to the ladies.

A lady does not feed other people's children, touch them or play with them unless invited to

do so. She does not reprimand other people's children or correct their manners. She also

does not teach them.

One may give the occasional smile, or wave. Do not feed anyone's children with your food, the

package of sweets you have in your bag. Check first with the mother.

I know many mothers are particular about the germs and diseases hands carry from other people,

so do be considerate of the different standards of cleanliness and refrain from it.

Giving gifts to children: Do check with the mother if it is appropriate. Some mothers do not

allow certain types of toys or toys made of certain types of material.

All mothers have their own ways or philosophies of how their children should be brought up or

what they should be taught. Do ask if you are in doubt.

Feel free to give your compliments though.

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How To Be A Lady Final Bite Sizes

Netiquette

On Facebook, or other social networking site

A lady does not add every possible acquaintances even those she has only met for 5 seconds

unless she genuinely would like an acquaintance with that person.

She also does not feel obligated to approve every request.

She does not it it replace her social life.

Nor does she depend on it as if it were email or the phone.

She does not expect her friends to log into Facebook regularly or to read her messages to them

quickly.

She does not post embarrassing photos of her friends.

She adheres to her friend's requests as much as she can if for instance they do not like their

photo. She may ignore them if they are picky and simply do not like the photo because they think

they look fat, she can simply untag herself, especially if everyone is in the picture.

A lady does not upload vulgar photos on Facebook, photos of compromising positions, red

drunken faces (unless they are happy and tasteful), photos of sexual items used as jokes - if you

really have to, make it a private album - or photos that will get their friends in trouble with their

partners.

She also does not use vulgarity freely or join groups that have vulgarities in their Names of

descriptions.

Though it is personal choice, she does not upload every single photo of her life. She chooses her

photos wisely and sees Facebook albums as a way of sharing her photos with her friends, rather

than plagued them with incessant photos of her model-make-over poses, her baby, her wedding,

pointless videos of herself or any thing to boast - assuming that people are indeed interested in

the details of her life. The key here is to do so in moderation.

She also does not type her comments on Facebook walls, photo albums that may reveal

something her friend wishes it to be private. Neither does she ask very personal questions by that

way.

How To Be A Lady With Designer Goods

A lady uses designer goods subtly

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While she enjoys and appreciates the finer things in life and may like designer goods, she does

not adorn herself with designer logos all over her clothes, her shoes, bags and have such logos

dangling from her ears.

She also knows when it is appropriate to wear or carry a certain bag, wear certain types of

jewelry upon occasion.

How To Be A Lady And Sexy

She does not wear clothes that makes others blush.

Too sloppy, too revealing, too high fashion or wild in expression or anything that calls negative

attention to herself is something she will never do.

She also wears the right shoes for the situation, never high heeled shoes when hiking (which I

have witnessed before in Hawaii). She also ensures they are not dirty or scuffed.

She does not wear clothes revealing any hint of undergarments, for instance, a dark coloured

underwear with a white blouse. If it is too translucent, she either wears a nude set or a camisole.

She does not adjust her straps in public. In unfortunate event, she excuses herself to the bathroom

or if that option is not possible, she does so quickly and discretely. If someone points it out to

her, she keeps a straight face calmly say thank you, and excuse herself to the bathroom.

How To Be A Lady With Luxury

A lady does not have excessive things and neither does she place too much value on

materials.

There is always something very frugal and sensible about a lady. She does not go and spend on

every single thing or is always concerned about the latest fashions, gadgets etc. Nor does she talk

much about materials. There is something ethereal about her, you can tell where her values lie.

If she buys things, she buys the highest quality she can afford and will only replace them if they

cannot be used any longer.

A Lady does not behave inappropriately.

It grows with age, while she is young, she may get away with some things, but the older she is,

she knows it may not be as adorable as it used to be. For instance, running down the hills when

she is older, jumping up and down in delight at age 45.

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How To Be A Lady Keeping Up Appearances

A Lady takes care of herself and her appearance all the time, after marriage and after she

has a baby.

She will find a way to do this. It is as fundamental as brushing teeth.

A lady always knows that the larger the purse or bag, the less elegant.

Depending on circumstance, it is wise to discipline ourselves to only take what we need. To take

too much sometimes exhibits a sense of laziness to be thoughtful of our circumstances.

She also knows that putting her bag on the floor may cause her to bag to transport germs and

bacteria home.

A lady knows the more revealing of her feet of the shoe, the less elegant or formal it is.

A lady takes her of her nails.

If she cannot afford the resources or the time to have them done all the time, she either keeps a

simple cut with clear nail polish or simply short, clean and neat.

A lady pays attention to her roots when she colours her hair.

If she no longer want to sport a colour very different from her natural colour, she goes to a salon

to get them all in her natural colour.

A lady also keeps her eyebrows trimmed, shaped and body waxed where it is seen.

How To Be A Lady With Her Appointments

A lady makes the effort to call and check as soon as possible.

Whether it is being late for an appointment with the spa, a change to the reservation at a

restaurant or to check if the appropriate attire at the opera, she calls to be considerate.

She however does not ask if she could bring a guest at someone's wedding. If her invitation says,

guest, it is loud and clear.

How To Be A Lady At Functions With Dresscodes

A lady understands all the dresscode.

She does not wear anything to upstage the bride, anything too revealing as though she was going

to a club (she does not wear anything too revealing period.)

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She knows "Formal" or "Black tie" means long dresses and gowns and she does not wear

cocktail dresses to a formal event.

She does not wear denim to a wedding.

A lady knows when to turn off her cell phone.

At the movies, at dinner, at a meeting, at a wedding.

She does not take calls at a wedding and attempts to chat, even though it is discreet.

How To Be A Lady With Integrity

A lady never says what she doesn't mean to do or follow up.

She doesn't say, let's do lunch or have coffee but never makes the effort to do so two days later.

She does not take someone's phone number without the intention to call. She does not say, I'll

call you later and not call.

If someone says to her, "Lets do lunch," She understands that it is their responsibility to contact

her. She may make the first move but also understand that not everyone says what they mean.

A lady never gives a thoughtless gift.

If she receives one, or a gift she doesn't like too much, she smiles and bears it. She appreciates

that they thought of her. *** to be continued *****

Timeless Fashion The Art of Elegant Style

Timeless Quote on Style - When Christian Dior was asked 'what is key to good dressing?'

He said, 'There is no key! If there were it would be too easy, rich women could buy the key

and all their fashion worries would be over! But simplicity, grooming and good taste - the

three fundamentals of fashion - cannot be bought. But they can be learnt, by rich and poor

alike.'

How does Audrey Hepburn look so timeless? How do designs become classic? We take a look at

fashion, its influences and nail down styles that never go out.

The basic principles of achieving a beautiful, elegant look that is timeless are quite simple. There

is of course, a more sophisticated elegance whose taste you will eventually develop, but for

starters, we will stick to simple clean lines and focus on quality.

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Note: You needn't go out and spend a tonne of money. An elegant woman is more materially-

restrained than we realize.

There is always something very cohesive, rounded, soft, subtle, ethereal look about a woman

who is elegant. It looks effortless and perfectly gentle.

Basic Elegant Style Principles

An timeless, elegant woman is always

I. Clean II. Neat

III. Graceful in appearance. You'll always notice her before her dress. IV. Wearing quality clothes. V. Has a pleasant appearance and expression. She gives you nothing to question or frown about.

VI. She also dresses appropriately, according to occasion. VII. Prefers timeless, classic styles.

How is Your Personal Grooming?

The first steps to achieving a timeless, elegant Style to pay attention to your personal grooming!

Remember not to get overwhelmed, these baby steps are simply SLIGHT changes.

It is impossible for someone who to be elegant without being immaculately groomed. Here are

the grooming basics:

Skin Care, Make Up, Hair

The very very least, have a clean face, nails, and smell fresh (from having showered and not

reeking with perfume). Wear fresh clothes always.

Develop your own customized skin care and hair care range. Keep it simple, pay attention what

works for you and be disciplined about it!

As for make up, I find that unless you are a make up artist, try to have minimum make up.

Clutter is not good for your well being. Keep your look fresh and updated. Go for a more natural

look in the day, and heavier at night. See Make up Tips.

She is Neat and Clean

She is neat as well as clean.

An timeless look is always freshly laundered, neat and in place. I love how this quote describes,

"For all her chic thinness, she had an almost breakfast-cereal air of health, a soap and lemon on

cleanness, a rough pink darkening on her cheeks" - Truman Capote, Breakfast At Tiffany's

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Your facial expression and peace is also affected by how you run your life. Are you always in a

mad rush?

I'm sure we all try to be neat and tidy in more ways than one.

If you are not born organized, there is help out there for you! For example, I love Flylady.net for

helping me get the housework done and clutter gone! There are several great cookbooks for the

messy planner.

It pays to get better at being neat and clean. They affect our self confidence more than we realize.

Quality

Quality is essential to elegance. Aim for quality over quantity. Good quality is not an

extravagance, it lasts for a long time and may end up to be cheaper because you get more uses of

each item.

It pays to have the very best that you afford.

Of course, many women dream of having a different thing to wear for everyday of the year. But

the truth is, at least for me, when I stop buying clothes I'm only half satisfied with, I seem to find

it easier to work out my wardrobe.

When you really love an item of clothing, you'll find yourself wearing it over and over. So only

buy what you love.

So an elegant dressing and shopping rule of thumb is to hold out for the quality stuff, buy only

what you love and do more with less.

Minimize Quantity of Your Clothes

My personal story with my wardrobe

I've discovered this 'Less is More' theory on my own, even though I've listened to countless

gurus telling me that Less is indeed more.

My ideal wardrobe is to have 10 really good pieces that I can wear over and over, mix and

match, dress it up or down. I know it is natural to think that we have never enough, and that we

need more of this or that, but I've found a small collection of clothes works well!

I've since realized that I very much enjoy the simplicity of only having a few pieces. You get

dressed much quicker and you become more creative to work with what you have!

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You can start re-building your ideal wardrobe now. Begin to discard anything that does not fall

under the 'elegant' category.

A final note, it is true that when someone is very fashionable, she is not quite elegant.

Edit Your Wardrobe

Start today, edit that wardrobe! Ruthlessly discard all that is not elegant, those that you haven't

touched in two years, those clothes that are too big or small for you. Get the repairs done.

Analyze your wardrobe. Do you have your basics?

Do you have the right accessories?

Do you commit any of these bad fashion faux pas?

Wardrobe Essentials A Classic Wardrobe

The best dressed women are often those who devote the most thought into what they wear, how

they wear it and the process of getting dressed. That does not mean they they spent the most

money nor time getting dressed.

Planning is essential to an elegant woman's wardrobe. A wardrobe that works is a wardrobe that has

been well thought out. The elegant woman also maintains her wardrobe. She maintains her clothes and

does an edit every three to six months.

How does she maintain her wardrobe?

She routinely bleaches her clothes to ensure the whitest of whites, get buttons and loose zips repaired,

shoes re-soled and polished, her jewelry cleaned.

What is a Wardrobe edit?

It a de-cluttering of her collection. It consists of giving away clothes that does not fit, that she no longer

loves or has too many of. (See Wardrobe Refashioning Step One)

Shopping Well

She knows her boutiques, designers, brands and fabrics well. Most important, she knows herself

well. She knows what is her elegant style and what she looks good in.

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She will never buy something that isn't her. She does not buy clothes she thinks will impress

others.

Despite her love for designers, she knows that the most important person in fashion is herself. She

learns to have a eye for good clothes, no matter where she shops. She prioritizes good quality and fit

over high fashion trends.

A Well-Dressed and Appropriate Wardrobe

Because an elegant woman seeks understanding first, then planning, she always has enough good

quality clothes that enable her to be well dressed.

She is appropriate, you'll never find inappropriate clothes in her wardrobe. She dresses according

to the occasion. She is never over dressed or under dressed.

She is one that does not have too much. She does not have too many shoes, nor too many of the

similar items. She understands that she has to keep her collection of clothes in a tight quantity in

order for her to remain well-dressed within a reasonable amount of time and enables her to be

punctual.

She understands her lifestyle and the kind of events she is involved in, tailoring her wardrobe to

her lifestyle.

Whenever there is a change in seasons, or when there is a change in lifestyle (a baby, a new job

etc) she re-evaluates her wardrobe, takes an inventory to prepare for the new season.

Good Dressing Quotes

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy; rich but not gaudy, for the

apparel oft proclaims the man. - Shakespeare

Clothing identifies who you are in your world. If you met someone who was dressed and

groomed in such a manner that you could not relate to them, you would never know if the person

had a heart of gold or not. - Ginie Sayles

Change your appearance and change what you do with your time - and your life will change.

You are more in control than you think. - unknown.

Want A Wardrobe Refashioning Make Over?

Do you desire the wardrobe of a well-dressed, elegant woman too? Check out

elegantwoman.org's Wardrobe Refashioning page. It shows you the step-by-step process of a

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wardrobe overhaul and teaches you how to build an elegant basic wardrobe. A wardrobe that

works!

Wardrobe Refashioning Step One

Wardrobe Edit & Discard

The most important art is to omit - Robert Louis Stevenson

Take everything out from your current wardrobe, including those sitting in boxes, drawers.

We will now give your wardrobe the fresh start it needs.

Throw out

1. Clothes beyond repair

2. Clothes that are too big or small, or do not fit properly

3. Clothes no longer in fashion

4. Clothes that you don't wear anymore because they are too long or short (we all know lengths of blouses and the waist lines of jeans, skirts, pants change according to fashion trends).

5. Clothes with holes

6. Clothes that are faded (no matter how trendy you think they are)

7. Clothes that have rips in them

8. Clothes that clearly have been washed too often

9. Clothes with unremovable stains

10. Cheap looking clothes (if you think it might look cheap, get rid of it!)

11. Scuffed shoes

12. Bags that have lost their shape

13. Bags that are beyond repair

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14. Fabric bags whose fabric looks dirty and are beyond the wash

15. Hats, accessories that have gone out of style

16. Costume jewelry that looks dull and fake

Repair

1. Cut all loose threads dangling from your clothes

2. Repair all those missing buttons

3. Bleach those whites that have gotten dull

Give away anything you haven't worn in the past two years. If you have difficulty giving it away,

put it in an box marked, "Salvation Army". If you haven't visited that box in six months, just seal

it (without looking in it) and drop it off at the nearest Salvos.

Getting The First Step of Wardrobe Refashioning Done

Do it now, do not procrastinate. Come back here when you have done this. You might take a

while, so do it in intervals of ten minutes. You'll be amazed at what you can achieve.

When sorting, do not try it on! This is the first basic round. If you do not know whether it fits, it

is unlikely that you love it.

All done? Let's Proceed to Wardrobe Refashioning Step Two: Acquiring Your Basics

Change your appearance and change what you do with your time - and your life will

change. You are more in control than you think. - unknown.

Wardrobe Refashioning Step Two

Acquiring Your Basics

After pruning and editing your wardrobe, you'll have to figure out if you have your 'Everyday

Basics'.

What are your Everyday Basics clothes?

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This is the category of clothes the clothes you wear in your everyday life.

For instance, if you work, your Everyday Basics clothes would be white blouses, black skirts,

grey pants etc. If you are a stay home mother, your clothes could be silk blouses and capri pants.

Not Enough Everyday Basics clothes

You can tell the kind of priorities someone has by the what they spend on. And this can be

applied to your clothes as well.

If a girl loves Stileto heels because she loves the way her legs look in them. She spends hundreds

of dollars on them but would only part $20 for a pair of shoes she wears to work everyday. If she

had put more thought into her Everyday Basics wardrobe, she'll realize she can look better at

work and feel better. An elegant woman is elegantly dressed all the time.

There is also another reason why people have too many items of one thing and not enough of

what they really need. Such is 'aspirational shopping'.

I've met someone who was crazy over Snowboarding, and everytime he goes into a

Snowboarding shop, he'll come out with a new T-shirt. Did he need that many Snowboarding T-

shirts? Not exactly, especially in most of the days, he is an accountant working in an corporate

office down town.

There are girls who buy expensive and glamourous clothes, bags and shoes but do not really

have too much of a social life. They aspire to that lifestyle. While there is certainly nothing

wrong with that, it often is a waste of money and closet space. You'll end up having more things

to sort out and deal with the guilt of its less than optimal use. Everyday basics should be clothes

that can be worn like a uniform and throughout the year. Your Everyday basics depends on your

lifestyle.

How to know if you do not have enough of the Everyday Basics?

1. Do you take too long to get dressed?

2. Do you have a hard time finding something to go with tops or bottoms?

3. Do you always feel a slight tinge of embarassment when you open the door of your

house, or when you have chance meeting with your friend?

4. Do you feel daggy? Or too casual?

If you work from home, house dresses and negligees are important.

Take some time to think about your everyday basics. Make a little virtual wardrobe or scrapbook

of clothes you love to wear everyday. Take that shopping with you and be disciplined. Buy only

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what you have mapped out for yourself. Make some effort, and you'll be on your way to building

an elegant wardrobe that you love!

Come back here when you're done with this step. All done? Let's Proceed to Wardrobe

Refashioning Step Three: Analyzing Your Lifestyle - Matching Your Clothes to the Lifestyle

You have.

How do you know if your wardrobe works for you?

Do You Often Feel like You've Got Nothing to Wear?

A wardrobe does not work if you find yourself often in these situations:

1. Taking a long time to get dressed (past forty five minutes).

2. In a constant state of "I don't have anything to wear".

3. After you get dressed, you leave the house feeling insecure and don't feel good about

yourself.

4. You wish you were wearing something else but it was in the wash.

5. You wonder what your friend will think of you because you are wearing the same outfit

the last time you met her.

6. You find it hard to match your clothes, bags and accessories.

7. You have a random pair of shoes/bags/pair of earrings that never get worn because they

never go with anything you have.

8. You find yourself shopping for a new outfit whenever you have to go to an event.

9. You don't feel appropriately dressed (because you have nothing else).

10. You have a feeling that what you are wearing are too worn out and should not seen

outside the house.

This guide to a basic wardrobe has to be studied so you'll never again feel like the above. An

Analysis of your Lifestyle must be done. First make a list of ALL activities and Social events that you attend in your life.

Your lifestyle may consist activities of

I. Cooking

II. Cleaning

III. Running errands

IV. School

V. Office work

VI. Retailing duties

VII. Meeting friends for coffee

VIII. Exericse

IX. Church

X. Weekend gatherings

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Analyzing your wardrobe

As you look at what you have, you may find you have too many of something, for example, a

pair of stilettos when you only wear them once a week for cocktails, and not enough of linen

pants for your elegant casual weekend. You may want to further categorize your clothes into

categories, 'Work Wardrobe', 'Weekend Wardrobe', 'Cocktails/Dates Wardrobe' etc.

The purpose of this 'Guide to a basic wardrobe' exercise is to know what you have.

E.g.

I. Career/Work Wardrobe

II. Daytime Wardrobe

III. Evening Cocktails, Elegant Gowns

IV. Sportswear

V. Housedress (what you wear at home)

VI. Negligees (what you wear to bed)

VII.

Mapping Out your wardrobe

The guide to a basic wardrobe is to map out your wardrobe.

If you work five days a week, you could have possibly 5 to 15 outfits. (Note that outfits refer to

combinations, so actual pieces of clothing could be less, though not necessarily.)

Your weekend wardrobe can range from having 8 to 12 outfits. A different outfit for every

weekend for about two months!

If work from home, you can wear a few 'uniform' pieces, white blouses, skirts, capris or

sleeveless dresses making 5 outfits.

These wardrobe guidelines are not absolute, but you may wish to map out your own guidelines

and structure your wardrobe.

After mapping things out, compare them to your current wardrobe and fill in the blanks.Once

that is done

Organizing Your Basic Wardrobe

Separating them into sections for different activities help you get dressed better and quicker.

Some ideas:

1. Have different drawers for different categories of clothes. 2. Buy five pink satin hangers and use them to separate your clothes into sections

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Make a Lookbook

Some of you are extremely creative and as long as you have sufficient options, you can whip out a

fabulous new outfit. Others, you may not have the time in the morning to do trial-and-error in front of

your mirror. Whether or not you are creative, a lookbook is effective. It enables you to 'see' the outfit

before trying it on. It minimizes efforts to 'put things back'.

A few different ways to create lookbooks

1. Take a snapshot of yourself whenever you are wearing an outfit you feel good in. 2. Take a snapshot of everything you own and put them into categories. When you are mixing and

matching, flip the lookbook, take out those photos

and 'match' them together.

Tip: Always lay out what you are going to wear the night before, so you won't be stressed out in

the morning!

Personal Grooming For An Elegant Lady

Self Grooming is not about vanity.

In fact, proper grooming takes the 'spotlight' away from yourself. You will not cause someone to

ponder, "Gosh, she looks so pale", or "Did you see those dirty fingernails?"

Personal grooming is about presenting yourself in the best possible way. It tells people what you

think of yourself.

Someone once said, "The cornerstone of elegance must be represented by a bar of soap."

Maybe from her time, a bar of soap was all she had. Today we have help from many places,

friends, beauty counters, magazines. It is simply impossible to not know at least a little about

grooming.

Bad personal grooming can be spotted a mile away. Some examples are unconcealed red patches on the face, clothes that are not ironed, dirty fingernails or chipped nail polish, run in the stockings, a dirty, scuffed shoe, untidy hair and make up, a weak collar, bad designer knockoffs, faded clothes etc.

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Face

Good Skin

A person with good personal grooming always seem to have clear, even complexion.

If you do not have good skin, establish a skin care regime that works for you. Other basic good

skin care tips are to wear sunscreen, exercise regularly, sleep well and drink lots of water.

Naturally, we all have moments in our lives when we are battling zits. A good concealer helps

mask those imperfections as a spotty face is distracting.

Elegant Hair

Personal Grooming for hair means that hair should be clean, neat, tidy and elegantly styled.

You should wash your hair every other day. Good hair etiquette also means never scratching

your head, combing your hair or attempting to tie your hair in public.

Find a hairstyle that suits the shape of your face. Also consider your lifestyle, when choosing a

hairstyle. If you have a fairly busy schedule, opt for a low maintenance hairstyle.

A medium long to should hairstyle is the most versatile. You can wear it up or down, straighten

it or curl it, tie up in a casual pony tail or leave it as it is. This is for those who enjoy doing their

hair. Check out some Sophisticated Hairstyle videos. Also, you might view my Sophisticated

Hairstyle Gallery for more ideas.

If you wear a different colour to your natural hair, be sure to get your roots down regularly.

Body

Exercise and Posture

You can tell when a woman applies personal grooming to her body when she takes care of it.

Exercise affects your core muscles and gives you good posture. That reason is good enough to

engage in exercise! I know when I'm not getting enough exercise when I start to slouch. My

stomach muscles become weak.

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When you exercise, you build your self-esteem and confidence because you feel good about

yourself. You feel better when you find the clothes you want to wear, not clothes you are trying

to fit into.

Pay attention to your gestures and movement. Move with grace. Have someone videotape you or

take up some ballroom or ballet lessons to improve on how you move.

Hair Removal

I have some girls writing to me about how their mothers never taught them grooming and are bad examples themselves. Fret not, I've always believed

that your desires will teach you want you want to know.

In general, hair from your legs, underams, bikini lines should be removed at all times and your

upper thighs and arms too if your natural body hair is long and dark.

Nails

Personal grooming for nails means they should always be clean and shaped.

Ideally, your nails should be polished or buffed, or coated with a clear protective coat. Whether

nails should be long or short depends on your lifestyle.

Dirty fingernails are a rude shock, not to mention the harm to health. The most elegant look is

the French manicure, because they look clean, neat and healthy.

So what is the definition of Poise?

Poise is composure and dignity of manner. It is a graceful and elegant bearing in a person.

I believe elegance and poise comes together. Though poise is a fruit of elegance. In other words,

you have to learn to be elegant first.

You be poised without necessarily being elegant. It is just like, you can be composed even

though you've walked into an important meeting late, looking disheveled.

From my study, I feel being poised is not just having composure, but dignity as well. A poised

person has elegant mannerisms. Her movements of her body...have a lot of style. The way she

walks, talks, carries herself is fluid and gentle, yet strong and purposeful.

You sometimes can't take your eyes off a woman with poise. You can't help but watch as she

gets out of the car, smiles at the doorman, and say thank you. She walks to the front door already

opened for her. She pauses, stands and her eyes lit up as she walks towards the person waiting

for her. She is unaware of the impact of her presence at the atmosphere of the room.

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My Favourite Quote About Poise

I came across this passage in an article once, I liked it so much I saved it, though I can't remember where

it was from. It embodies the essence of poise.

"I almost ran straight into her in the lobby of a French hotel. I turned a corner, and she was coming the

other way, walking quickly, surrounded by a pack of photographers and journalists. She seemed oblivious

to the frenzy, to the babble and camera flash: the expression on her face was remote and introspective.

This became an abiding image for me of celebrity containment, of self-protected glamour wrapped in a

bubble of poise."

The opposite of Poise? You can spot a mile away.

Clumsy, awkward, clunky.

How then, do you acquire poise?

Study the lessons of elegance so that you will maintain an attitude of grace and composure.

And definitely, improve your posture! Posture plays a big part in the visual element of poise.

Remember the definition of Poise

Poise is composure and dignity of manner and graceful and elegant bearing in a person

It is definitely a much more achievable goal when we break it down like that. :)

Develop Poise For Beauty and Grace

How can we develop poise?

Poise in a woman is a beautiful thing. It is one of the signatures of a beautiful and elegant

woman. Poise is the beauty of being in the moment, or being unrushed or beauty of sitting still.

Wouldn't it be the best to look graceful from every angle? And we will be free from

awkwardness, stumbling, ugly gestures..

Developing poise takes time. If only we could do it all today!

To develop poise, one must study herself and increase awareness of how she communicates

through her movements. If she stirs her coffee, she does it quietly. If someone is standing across

her, she listens politely and attentively, without fidgeting, looking at her watch or letting her eyes

wander.

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While you develop poise, sometimes we can feel very self conscious. The only way to combat

that is to practice, act confident and don't worry about the mistakes you've made.

This process is like we are "untraining" our bad habits to develop ones. It is also the body's

habits that we 'untrain' to walk, sit, move. It is 'muscle memory'.

In the past, young women went to charm school or finishing school to learn how to sit, stand,

walk and even dance. The traditions of this schools are dying out because they are expensive and

not held in high regard like they were once did.

These days, if you have an opportunity to enter yourself or your daughter to beauty or glitz

pageants, do so! There are more to pagents than winning or beauty. She will learn to carry

herself, personal grooming, social graces and how to handle sticky situations like being put on a

spot, performing, winning or losing. They are great opportunities for us to learn a thing or two

about developing poise.

History of Poise Development

All princesses has a "Deportment" trainer in all aspects of social graces. Just like in the movie

The Princess Diaries, did you watch that?

This trainer has existed since a long time ago, even during Biblical times.

We can see its existence from the book of Esther in the bible.

Imagine being singled out for royal treatment?

Other girls turned into a diva, but Esther remained humble. And she won the favor of

everyone who saw her.

16 She was taken to King Xerxes in the royal residence in the tenth month, the month of Tebeth,

in the seventh year of his reign.

17 Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won

his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head

and made her queen instead of Vashti. 18 And the king gave a great banquet, Esther's banquet,

for all his nobles and officials. He proclaimed a holiday throughout the provinces and distributed

gifts with royal liberality.

She won the King with her poise!

Definition of Poise: graceful elegant bearing in a person, composure and dignity of manner

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Imagine training for one year for beauty and poise?

Grace Kelly begged for a voice recorder at the age of 18 from her father, she worked on terribly

hard to remove her country accent, because she wanted to elevate herself. She is now an icon of

eternal elegance and poise.

In Memoirs of a Geisha , the book and the movie, it allowed us to peek into this fascinating old

world of women, who devoted their lives to beauty and art of the woman form.

In the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha , it is shown how the little geishas-in-training learn how to

develop poise. They would practice siting and then getting up from seating position. "Not like a

horse" Michelle Yeoh, acting as the trainer, would say.

Learning how to develop poise is like learning to put make up on but for the body! While you

put make up to present your best face forward, poise is putting your personal best presentation to

the world. While we don't have to train ourselves to please and entertain men, the take-away

message developing poise is that we can do this just for ourselves, which is more than enough.

Elegant Entertaining Inspirations

Why should we learn how to entertain? Firstly, it is an elegant skill. Secondly, they are creating

memories. A life fulfilled is a life shared.

Spend time, not money on materials on holiday traditions.

Cook, eat, drink, and gather your loved ones. Create rituals of celebration. Pass them on. It is the

tradition of celebration!

I agree that it seems commercial ... these birthdays, anniversaries, valentine's day, Christmas, I

once asked myself, if I did not have these little celebration dates, would I have made the effort to

give attention to all these important people in my life? Probably, but celebrations are just an

organized way of making sure you lavish all your attention on one person at least once or twice a

year.

The Benefits of Elegant Entertaining

If you have moved into a new town, it's a good way to meet new people and introduce yourself

to the new community.

It is also a way to enrich your business networks and relationships. That is why companies set

aside an entertaining budget for team building or gaining clients

You'll leverage your time by meeting all your friends at once.

You'll create a memory. I remember all my parties. They give an excuse to take fabulous photos

too!

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It is also a good motivator to tidy up the house! As your dinner party looms close, you'll find

yourself going that extra mile your house needs.

As Debra Ollivier says, there need not be any logical reason to celebrate - to clink glasses in a

simple fete!

Elegant Parties

Your party hosting is also about presenting yourself. You want to do it in a tasteful way.

Forget the six-packs of beer and economy-size of chips.

Forget the plastic cutlery and paper plates.

And please forget parties with no music or decorations.

Most of all, forget effortless, sloppy parties! Make a commitment to that today.

How To Be An Elegant Host

Create a guest list.

Extend elegant invitations.

Create the an elegant atmosphere.

Serve yummy food and drinks. See ideas of Elegant Dinner Recipes

Set elegant table decorations

Graciously handle embarrassing situations. See How To Be At Social Ease

Be an elegant and great host! Don't forget to dress up!

On The Art of Conversation

The Good Conversationalist

From Emily Post Manners,

Contrary to popular belief, it is not essential to have a wide vocab or have lots of experiences. A

good conversationalist is not to be a naturally a chatty person either.

Conversation is a two way street. It's a give and take. But how often it is that it's all "take" or all

"give"!

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Self Check Time!

We've all see the WORST types:

The one who never stops talking. Your turn to speak never comes.

The one who interrupts.

The one who gives mono answers.

The one who always argues.

The one who has no opinion.

The one who sounds rude (and is probably rude).

The one who asks too many questions.

Now, don't fret if you identify yourself above. ALL of us have been one of them at some point or

another. The point of the page is to learn to be a good conversationalist, so you're already on

your way! It is the power of knowledge.

Don't Be Afraid To Pause

Emily Post Manners say there is a simple guideline which one can live by and refrain from being

a pest or a bore: (Which I think is pretty funny, by the way.)

The Golden Rule To Refrain From Being A Pest or Bore

Stop and think.

Audrey Hepburn said her mother told her "I" in conversations is boring.

Don't Panic!

While not all of us are extroverts and are natural in the social scene, Emily Post Manners says if

you dread meeting strangers because you might feel awkward without anything to say, or do not

relate, don't panic.

"Most conversational errors are committed not by those who talk too little but by those who talk

too much."

If you can't think of anything to say, remember to ask general questions and don't be afraid of

pausing or saying, "Hmmm", "That's an interesting point to buy some time."

Don't worry about the rest of the conversation. Just one response at one time.

Not from Emily's Post manners, but my personal experience is...when talking to strangers, the

best approach is to ask a few general questions. After that, you can develop or branch off to a

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more interesting topic and discover some common interests. Otherwise, you can 'give' something

of yourself and offer information to try to generate more conversation topics. For example, try

describing something you have been doing lately, planning a trip, a vacation, a new hobby,

cooking, food etc.

Throw the ball in their court - ask for suggestions (keep it light-hearted and general), ask for an

opinion, ideas.

Practice and you'll eventually be able to talk to anyone.

One tip to remember is to also avoid being in deep conversation with someone for more than five

minutes. In a party or social setting, the idea is to move around. Don't linger or try to make a

friendship out of a new person. See also Social Ease - Grace Your Way Through Parties.

Less Talk, More Listening

Listening In the Art of Conversation

Really listen.

Look at the person when he/she is talking and pay attention

Don't interrupt.

Don't give advice.

Rely on sincerity, clarity and intelligent choice of subject.

Are You Giving A Speech?

A funny passage I just had to include which goes something like this, "If there are three

participants in a conversation and the one who talks more than one third of a time isn't having a

conversation but giving a speech."

Thinking Before Speaking

Emily Post Etiquette is right when she says, nearly all the faults of the conversation are caused

by a lack of consideration. See "How to be Lovely"

Think about whether the person you are talking to is interested in your topic, at least pointedly.

Would a person who does not know anything about classical music be interested in the latest

schedule of the San Francisco Orchestra?

That can be said the same for newly engaged brides who talk all about their wedding in the

presence of their single friends, or new parents who talk of their child as if no one else had ever

born children.

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Also, don't speak in another language in the presence of others who do not speak your language.

Don't speak in your professional lingo, because if I'm not a doctor, I wouldn't appreciate

anything you have to say in a conversation filled with medical terms.

Do employ tact. Use, "It seems to me..." or "Maybe I've mis-read.." (especially when someone

insists on a piece of information). When disagreeing, do so gently with lots of 'disclaimers'

otherwise the opponent will think you are calling her a liar.

Try to change the subject the minute you feel it might escalate into an argument.

"I" is the smallest letter in the alphabet. Don't make it the largest

word in your vocabulary. - Dorothy Sarnoff.

Good: "What do you think?"

Bad: "I think..."

Pay Compliments!

Emily Post Etiquette Tips:

Pay compliments!

Be sincere, be light hearted when doing it, don't go overboard or explain.

Keep it short and simple and it will brighten up someone's day!

Responding to compliments:

For example, "That's a beautiful dress!" Respond. "Thank you very much!", "I'm so glad you like

it."

Don't belittle and say, "Oh this is an inexpensive dress", "Oh an old dress", "Or really? I don't

think it really fits me".

If you want to return the compliment, say "Oh yes, its so hard to find a pretty dress these days,

where did you get your dress? I was admiring too."

How to Tell A 'Secret'

Never tell anyone about a bra strap sticking out or a run in her stocking unless you are her close

friend.

But if you see an unzipped skirt, a popped out button, a smudge of make up on nose or greens in

her teeth, please tell her discretely.

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However, if you see a man's fly unzipped, do not tell him unless you are total strangers. Better to

ask a male person tell him.

Taboo Conversation Topics

Emily Post Etiquette on Taboo Conversation Topics:

Conversations should not be about someone else, especially in a group, even in a group of close

friends. I know it is impossible sometimes. By limit that conversation about that person to 30

seconds.

If they talked about the way they did about someone when they are not around, imagine what

they would say about you when you are not there!

How To Stop A Person From Talking Bad About Someone You Know

Peggy Post quotes, "One of the kindest people I know, when faced with this situation,

immediately halts the speaker by saying, "Goodness Barbara, Adriane always says such

nice things about you!", and then immediately change the topic.

No matter how strongly tempted you are to pass along a nasty comment or to join in a group

talking unkindly about another, don't do it. It doesn't just defame the character of the other, it

makes you look bad.

Party Etiquette

Social events are an integral part of your life. Parties are a good way to extend your network and

deepen friendships. Good things happen to people when they make the effort to socialize

correctly. They will find their opportunities to expand, grow, travel in areas of their personal,

professional or business lives.

Most of us feel nervous going to a party. And that is what party etiquette is all about. This page

is about what to expect, so that you'll be prepared when the situation comes.

So let's start from the very beginning, when you first arrive at a party...

Party Etiquette - When You First Arrive

Greet the host first

When you enter a room full of people at the party, find the host first and greet them with your

gift. It could be a bottle of wine, flowers or a box of chocolates.

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A good sense of party etiquette is to never arrive empty-handed, especially if it is a party in a

home. Call your host a couple of days earlier and ask, "What can I bring?". If your hosts says on

"nothing", just arrive with something small. (See below.)

Good gifts to bring: wine, champagne, chocolates. Never arrive late at a dinner party. Do not arrive too early. The host might be wearing curlers and stressing out over her roast.

Party Etiquette - Breaking the Ice

Realize now that not everyone is an extrovert and feel complete at ease talking to strangers.

Once you realize that, it takes the pressure off yourself and others to be the perfect

conversationalists.

Nevertheless, the first part of the party is to 'break the ice' and you can do so by gently asking

questions and offering information about yourself.

Keep your conversations light and happy!

Party Etiquette - How To Socialize

Ask light-hearted questions

Find something about the other person you genuinely find interesting. Your eyes will inevitably

glow with sincerity when speaking to them.

The other person will also feel flattered by your interest and attention.

As you ask, pause and wait for the person to finish her answer and contribute your own thought

into it.

Speak in a relaxed manner, allowing the other person to return a question and ask about you.

Focus on similarities

When speaking with another person, focus on similarities but try not to shift the conversation topics

back to you but let them talk about them.

Party Etiquette Caution: Sometimes when we are excited, we tend to ask a stream of pointed

questions. The person whom you're getting to know is at risk of exhaustion answering all the

questions. He or she will feel interrogated. If you don't allow them to ask questions about you,

there will be frustration!

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When asking questions, be sensitive about what is appropriate to ask.

Party Etiquette Taboo Topics

Some taboo topics and inappropriate questions you should not venture into

How much do you earn? How much do you make in your business? How much did you pay for your car? Is it expensive? Are you married?

This list is not exhaustive! Read more tactless blunders - Converse with Class and how NOT to converse.

People Fall OFF The Party Etiquette Ladder Fast When...

They let you and everyone know they are richer than anyone and you at the table

For example, they brag about the fine dining restaurants they often go to, their connoisseur

knowledge of food and wine and basically talking about everything that is out of reach for

everyone else.

Take hijack the conversation.

"Oh we went there too! The pasta at ___ restaurant was the best in the world!"

Namedrop.

Speak about their privileges from knowing the other person in an impressive manner.

"Oh we didn't have to make a booking at this restaurant! This guy is a exclusive luxury

___ owner and he's a good friend of mine."

Brag. Boast. Try to impress.

Don't even try, people always know when you are trying to impress.

Be highly competitive at any friendly social function, game to the point of poor sportsmanship. Talk about themselves incessantly. Especially about their excellent skills, achievements:

cooking, skiing, playing golf etc. They have no clue people are rolling their eyes in their heart Not be sensitive and speak about how "although we can both not work and travel around the

world, we choose to..." when there is someone who might be struggling to pay their mortgage.

After pondering over this, I decided to put up a dedicated page on The Art of Conversation.

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How To Be a Seasoned and Savvy Conversationalist

Follow the French style of indirectness

The French are known for their sarcastic conversations mixed in with humour especially if they

adore you. But thing to take away from french culture is their awareness of being non-intrusive.

For instance, if they would like to know if you had children...

instead of saying, "Do you have children?"

They would say, "What a beautiful garden! It's perfect for children to be running around..."

Whereby you choose to either offer the information, "Oh yeah, my children go crazy with their

dog here," "Yes, it'll be perfect when I have children."

Or just smile and say yes, if you don't want to reveal any information.

Other Party Etiquette examples include, if you look fairly young to be married, they address you

as "mademoiselle", however, if you ARE married, you politely correct them and ask to be

addressed as "Mdm".

Other ways include, "Does you husband like to cook?"

And you can say laughingly, "Oh I'm not married, but it would be nice to have a husband who

cooks!"

Offer Your Information First "As Bait"

You can also politely, discreetly, elegantly offer information that you are single especially if you

have an interest in the other party or would like them to recommend you to their friends.

Say things like, "I enjoy the opera but its hard to find someone to go with these days, everyone is

so busy!"

"Oh, on the weekends I usually go with my mother to church etc.."

You try to invite questions to ask, "Oh, your boyfriend doesn't go with you? or your husband

oversleeps?"

Bridging the Gap of Social Class

If, for some reason, you are aware of the difference in social classes especially if you are more

privileged,

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...in social standing, financial status, education, intelligence, never ever make the person feel so,

or better yet, know so. Always attempt to make the other 'lesser' party at 'home' with you by

being down to earth.

"I also have a difficulty getting up early!"

"The weather was so cold this weekend, I wanted to stay in bed all weekend too."

"It was one of my favourite movies."

"I look forward to my afternoon tea every day."

Treating everyone as equal no matter what social standing is one of the strongest traits of a

classy person. See Mastering the Art of being Classy.

It's natural for anyone to want to feel better, to impress. Perhaps, the root cause of this behaviour

is insecurity and the lack of attention and love. Well, it's time to take the focus off ourselves and

let us remember that ...

It is kind to not make someone feel less. Or poor. Or uneducated. Or stupid. Or small. Or with

resigned envy.

It is gracious, kind and elegant.

How An Elegant Person Socializes

Let's now look at the Party Etiquette of an elegant woman.

If she is aware of her privilege in wealth, education, travel experiences, she would be sensitive

and not speak about anything that others can't relate to.

During the dinner conversation say if they ask, and sometimes in an admiring way, keep a

straight face (and not allow your face to light up with glee, reveling in all the attention) and

speak graciously, not putting yourself down but say,

"Oh yes, I had the chance to travel to Italy, it was very nice. I'm glad you enjoyed it, tell me

more...which is your favourite Italian city?"

Revert the conversation back to her. Let her be the star tonight since she just got back from Italy.

You can share your experiences another time or privately.

Party Etiquette - Making Friends At A Party

We all make friends with a motive. It maybe because you have lots in common, or maybe you

have a future business agenda.

So let's divulge into the normal conversation pattern.

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The Very Common Conversation Pattern

"Hi my name is James."

"Hi James, very nice to meet you, I'm Kate."

"So Kate, what do you do?"

"I am the marketing director for BBC. What about you?"

"I am the executive director for Macquarie bank."

And then the conversation falls flat. Why not avoid that dreaded question altogether?

"What Do You Do?" - The Dreaded Question

Honestly, let me just say, this is not the most elegant way to start a conversation.

It can get intrusive and it is rather aggressive.

If you really want to know, ask the friend who brought you.

Some people are proud of their titles and what they do, and others are not. Maybe they don't feel

comfortable with it, or maybe they just do not tie their identity with their jobs. And...let's not

confuse ourselves with what you do and who you are.

Steering Away From "What Do You Do?"

I try to cope by being general and steering away from the common pattern. Instead, I like to talk

about travel, weekends, hobbies, ergonomics, posture, breathing, sports etc. And the

conversation can spin off in many different directions. People are more passionate and interested

in talking about what they love to do. And if it happens to fall into the category of what they do,

that's even better because they will be speaking with heart-swelling pride.

So when someone says to me,

"Eunice, what do you do?"

Even though I'm passionate about what I do, I respond with a general answer.

"I work in content management". (or "I work in retail and distribution", "in education" etc etc)

By being general, or downplaying the importance of your work, sends out a better, more elegant

message. You're not out to impress, you're relaxed, elegant and perfectly content and at peace

with who you are.

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Giving off titles might impress or intimidate others.

If the other party really needs and wants to know more, he will definitely ask pointedly, and you

can go, "Oh, I work with ___________."

"With" is more elegant than "for".

It is more elegant to talk about everything general and light-hearted such as the weather, hobbies,

movies, recent news and events.

And I'd rather talk about the beautiful weather!

(At least for the first ten minutes.)

Gosh the weather is so beautiful today

Did you watch that movie?

What do you get up to on your weekends?

How is your evening?

Party Etiquette:

Generally, in a party atmosphere, we want to move on to meet new people, have a brief

conversation.

Remember to keep your conversations light and happy.

Some "Don'ts" in Party Etiquette

Do not linger. Do not ask for their phone numbers right away. Avoid talking about work and your career aspirations. Avoid girlish bonding right away talking about your men problems. Do not talk to any one person for more than ten minutes at the start at the party. Flit around like a butterfly, meeting everyone by introducing yourself and ask if they are having a

good time at the party.

If you feel like you like this person and want to establish a friendship this is what you do:

To establish a new friend or potential business contact

If you feel the 'connection' with someone, either for comradeship or a potential love interest,

quickly get their business/personal cards.

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Or remember their names so you can search them on Facebook (of course, casually ask them, oh

are you on Facebook?) before that. Or discreetly exchange phone numbers and take your

friendship to another level by scheduling lunch over the next few days.

If it's a business contact, you can talk business then. Remember your party etiquette!

Etiquette Questions of A Lady

Should a lady cross her legs when sitting down?

Answer : It is better to keep your legs together without crossing your legs. If you can't keep your

legs together due to poor inner thigh muscles, cross your legs.

Should a lady attempt to go dutch?

Answer : It is safe to assume that a gentleman will always pick up the tab for dinner, especially

if it is the first time or the first time in a long while. However, one should not assume that all

men are gentlemen just as not all women are ladies. If he had been the one to ask you out for

dinner, simply say "thank you for dinner" after he has signed the cheque.

Do not offer to pay in front of the waiter, or when the waiter gives him the bill. Do not discuss

payment during the whole process. Let him pay first.

If he asked for payment, give it to him quickly. If he refuses to accept, you may get the coffee or

the movie tickets later or next time. If it is the second time he has asked you out to dinner, say,

"Oh do let me pay." If he does accept, pay cheerfully.

My male friend has his fly open, should I tell him?

Answer : Approach another gentleman and quietly tell him to tell your clueless male friend.

Kindly ask that gentleman not to reveal that you approached him.

My friend gave me a gift she thought I'll be excited about? I hate it. What do I do?

Answer : Grin and bear it. If she takes much effort to pick out the gift, keep it for at least ten

years. Otherwise, give it to someone close to you that may use it but on the condition that you

need it back if your friend is coming over for tea.

My bestfriend picked out horrible bridesmaids dresses for me. What do I do?

Answer : Grin and bear it. Remember that it is her big day. Do not make a fuss or mention

anything about it.

We have a whole list of etiquette question on our "Ask miss manners" page.

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Greeting Manners Today

A list of Good Greeting Manners:

1. Smile

2. Repeat that person's name when introduced to you

3. Remember their name!

4. ask How are you?

5. Answer your questions with positivity

6. Respect boundaries especially if it is a first time meeting

7. Say nice to meet you, lovely meeting you.

Eating, Dining Manners Today

A list of Good Dining Manners

1. Sit with good posture 2. Lay the napkin on your lap 3. Start eating only when the host has started

4. If there is no obvious 'host', wait for everyone else before you start eating.

5. Keep your mouth closed when chewing.

6. Take small bites.

7. Eat quietly.

8. Say excuse me when you have to use the restroom

9. Keep your area clean and tidy.

10. No double dipping unless you are dining with a culture where all the dishes are shared.

General Manners Today

A list of Good Miscellaneous Manners

1. Sit and walk straight. Maintain good posture at all times.

2. Laugh, smile, giggle, cry with dignity. Do not make a scene.

Do not slap your knees, jerk forward or roar with your mouth wide open when you

laugh or bawl loudly at the sidewalk when you are sad.

See How to have Elegant Gestures and Poise.

3. Try to make as little noise as possible in all situations. (when you eat, walk, talk, sit, run etc.) No slurping, chewing noisily, crunching, e.g. cracking knuckles.

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4. Mobile Phone Etiquette: Do not be occupied with your phone when with people.

5. Smile, be interested in the surroundings.

'Reverse engineer'. Can you imagine Audrey Hepburn looking bored at a dinner party,

even though she has attended hundreds?

6. Dress appropriately.

It is generally rude to call a certain attention to yourself. Such as wearing jeans to a

wedding, looking sloppy etc

7. Speak properly

Make it habit to pronounce your words and use correct grammar. Refrain from

mumbling or speaking too fast. Avoid slang, calling people by their pet names or short

forms unless you are close to them. Speak as grammatically correctly as you can.

8. Never assume anything about anyone.

"She's so rich, it'll be okay if I don't pay her back for lunch."

He's the guy, I should not offer to pay for parking."

"Someone will take surely give you a lift home."

Never touch another person's things or children unless invited to.

To be on the safe side, never talk about money. "How much does it cost?", "What did you pay

for your house?", "How much do you earn?", "How much do you make from your

business.","What is your commission like?" etc.

Remember, manners are kindness!

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