1. The Pig was Hollering from the Collaring at the Waters Edge, 8pm Friday 9th Dec. 2011.

2. Minutes of November's Meeting confirmed by the Big C, who was bravely still presiding over the meeting even though he was enduring post pervy Zoomba (spandex clad girls contorting to gyrating music) induced injured glutious maximus.

3. Present tonight were 43 members from (27 to 117 total? (only the Renee knows?)): The Big C & Rosie, Wayne, Bryan, Brian, Big Bad Joe, Tukai, Pistol Pete, Ben, The Donno and the Sarah, Cherie, Losalini, The Katie and Billy PEE, Lou, Nathan, Builder Ben, Rajiineesh and Russell, Gary and Chantal, Rajiinesh, Jonathan and Ferd, Jeff, Baba, JJ and Susan, Sue and Donna, Watermelon man, the Four Men of the Apocalypse (Chinese Mafia) and Wino Geoff.

4. Apologies from The SOON YEE who was out pushing his stroller looking for his lost manhood, The Renee was offered a better engagement drinking Champagne and playing Gunjee, Heidi recovering from working with the Billy PEE or maybe had surgery? (both would be a challenge and potentially injurious to one’s health), and The Loren and the Dollye at the last minute indulged in some ‘Junky mongrel (Jungle Monkey?) sex” as a better use of their time than the member's antics.

5. New members Nathan’s wife Catarina, and Ben’s wife Joanna.

MONTHLY MEETING MINUTESFriday 9th DECEMBER, 2011

Confucious says : “The superior man is aware of

Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage.”

Definition of C*#k Ass - to receive a c*#k in your ass, and or to exhibit asshole-like

proclivities.

Must have been a 3 for 1 deal at the Barbers?

Definition of Incongruous -They “look” intelligent.

“Good one Gary” Brian and Bryan - they could be brothers?

Baba looking chunky and

Cherie won’t learn not to eat those

red monkey balls.

Big Bad Jo and THE Katie - she’s baaaaack!

Sue and sister, Donna - The Female Fonts of all

Knowledge.

Brian’s boys - the Chinese Mafia.

All Geoff is missing is the park bench!

Catarina and Joanna checking out what their

boys get up to.

Watermelon Man

“Fishing with me, has always been an excuse to drink during the daytime”

6. Events CommitteeStill no sign of the SOON YEE, who apart from fishing with little ‘pieces of snot’ for lures, has been summarily “couped” by The Jonathon, who enthusiastically wants to try and better the fantastic fishing Comps organised during the SOON YEE’s reign. Expect many good things in 2012 from our Events Committee and its new leader.

7. Edumucation CommitteeThe Big C presented us with a training session on Jigging (again due to the Erikk’s He-Slut / Man Whoring absence).

He displayed a Flutter Jig (short and wide which rolls side to side) with hook at top. Some slender ones for dropping deep with hook at top. Both have the hook at the top to minimise snagging on the bottom. A short rod (5ft) is used for better leverage and use single leaders as double are too bulky.

A Lucanus (oxo) Jig has a slow action in the water, so when the fish bite, don’t set the hook, don’t strike. Let the fish swim away. A Tiny Spaniard with hook on bottom can be used for casting and trolling too. Tuna, Trevally and Barracuda love them.

TEXT

Must get rid of this portly double chin in the New Year!

No one was listening so I can’t be bothered reiterating in these minutes

on the night fishing event I was attempting to organise for January.

SOON YEE - a picture worth a 1000 words of a

deposed Events Manager.

Jonathon with that embryonic exuberant look of newly acquired power!

Hard to focus on the Big C with Ben’s hair stealing

the show again.JJ coveting The Big C's lureJig or key to the

Dunny?

8. Fishing TaleS

Susan - “I caught a Barracuda” and promptly sat back down, where with further cajoling by JJ (desirous of a new lure) and other members, she expanded on her tale. A little.

Ben’s tale started with “Today didn’t go too good...” 4 miles off Frigates, Mahi hit but racked off. Very windy and rough, motor not working, but nursed it to Frigates, anchored off and popped with nothing. Went surfing in 10ft waves and spent 4 hours getting back home.

The Big C and Rosie went to Voli Voli at Raki Raki for some Rosie Birthday romancin’ with a bit of fishing on the side.

Twas a dark and stormy afternoon but they caught 5 GT’S and a Blue fin Trevally in 1 and a half hours. Really heavy drag and The Big C claimed it caused him to pinch a nerve in his upper arse (lower back to some), and some questioned whether it was his hanging upside down from the room chandeliers (Clint Eastwood “Any which way but loose” style?) Weather turned to shit and drinking commenced.

Next day, with The Big C sitting down now and casting stick bait caught 3 fish (probably all snapper...?).

Is this limp wrist syndrome the side

effects of using electric reels?

How much can a Koala Bare?

"I should have won the Fish Tales!"

“I love to talk and I love fishing. I’m having a ball!”

Best Story and Best T-Shirt.

“Fishing is great, unless you catch an

actual fish, and then it is disgusting.”

Third day perfect weather and they had to leave. Highly recommended the place at $150/hr boat hire with spectacular diving, great food and hotel. Good local rates too.

Nathan had a story from a few years back (not much fishing from the last month), where he hooked a supposed Blue Fin Tuna drifting on a sea anchor at night, by hand lining and a basket of rope. The Tuna was a fighting 100Kg and was testing the 300lb mono trace.

He somehow got the line around his neck, at which point between getting strangled by what was turning out to be a Mako Shark, his manly gold necklace stepped in to save his arse and got caught in the line, eventually cutting it, before the Mako pulled Nathan into the Briny deep.

Wayne was jigging experimenting with a secret set up and caught 8 Kau Kau (Grouper), 3 Walu and 1 Barracuda.

“BEST STORY” VOTING RESULTS as measured by audience approval or lack there of:

WAYNE - Nothing, dead silence - could have heard a Cockroach fart at 40 paces.

BEN - An inaudible murmur with the noise of Chinese one handed clapping going on.

SUSAN - Distant rumblings, although could have been Garry’s bowel movements?

The BIG C - muted uprising, many many crotch scratchings still audible though.

NATHAN - Breaking Renee’s crockery, table pounding, a resounding winner.

Who is this fine figure of a man

fishing at sunset?

“The fishing was good ! It was the catching that

was bad.”

“Fair Dinkum! Bushit mate!”

Little Stinky Mackeral (Sala Ni

Toga Tonga) caught with a popper off

Bird Island by The Dollye.

My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear- for what I said I paid for it.  ~Koos Brandt

One of many fine fish caught by The Rosie

Hard to believe ANY fish could pull the

Big C in?

Renee - Nice pair of Walu.

The Big C and The Rosie took a fishing trip toVoli Voli Raki Raki

Certainly couldn’t put your back out with this

little GT ....

Nick Darling and The Big C.

...and from our members overseas

Ad Galama checked in from a fishpond in Bangkok

These photos were taken at Bungsamram Fishing Park, where Ad landed 8 fish (one 30kg plus Giant Mekong), lost 4 and then could not quite figure out what it means to give “the

finger” to enter the december photo comp.

Although the termperature was a gonad shrinking 5 ºC in Oregan, Pablo and Jomo “The Bear” continued to fish through November, catching a few Steelhead

here and there.

Jomo sent us some pictures of his “Fish Camp” which is 2 miles from Paul and 2 blocks from the pub

(the main reason for buying this bloock of land!)

Jomo is rumoured to be back in Fiji now, while Paul is heading back next month.

With a combined 150+ years of fishing

experience, Mike & Ronnie continue to enjoy the culinary

delights of their catch in Alabama. Mike is

cooking up 40 blue crab with smoked sausage, Zatarain’s Craw Boil, Sweet Corn & Potato.

December FISHING photo Competition - “The Finger”

Susan’s Golden Trevally and a tasty

feed for four.

Caught with a magic Spoon by 85% JJ, 10% Susan, 5% The Donno

The Donno with a not so unique “Diaper Fish” near Serua.

Environment Committee alert!

Wayne - DISQUALIFIEDSpear Fishing Suspected

The Big C and a little Bluey - nice lure!

The Katie with a junior burger Blue Fin Trevally

and a nice pair of errr.......legs.

The Rosie and a small Barracuda.

Bula guys!I got a 22lb Ono off the Fairwind II boat at work today! Whoohoo wahoo!

Looks like it's X-mas ceviche for us! Thought u

might like a pic from Hawaii... Hopefully be down ur way in march!

Take care & I hope Erik is proud of this mermaid!

Aloha, HeidiA spawning Male GT

ready to explode gets the double.

9. HOT TIPS Don’t give your fishing line to a half drunk - Nathan (half sober maybe and is this the same as half pregnant?)

“Don’t tell the truth on fishing tales if you want to win.” - A bitter demoralized Wayne (the best fisherman, woeful story teller.)

Can’t catch fish without hooks (unless you are Rosie!) - probably The Billy PEE’s wise words...

Don’t lay an outboard engine motor on it’s side - The Big C

The fishing Hot Tips so poor, that a prize will be given for the best Hot Tip at the next meeting to encourage better disclosure of member’s secrets The Donno

10.Other NewsIf a member catches a fish before the January meeting, take a picture with the secret hand sign and submit it to be eligible for a prize to be decided by the members at our next meeting. (Photo’s are included in these minutes to be judged at January’s meeting.)

11. Treasurer’s ReportThe status of our Club’s finances, and who is a current paid up member resembles a RIDDLE rolled into an ENIGMA wrapped in a MYSTERY juxtaposed into a CONUNDRUM.

The Renee proving that “in the land of the blind (Twisted members), the one eyed man is King” has been subscribing to the philosophy of “Life’s uncertain, eat dessert first”, to which The Donno heartily supports The Renee volunteering to make us all Creme Caramel and Apple Pie (with vanilla ice cream) for the members at the Monthly Meetings as a token of her remorse at her tardy exercise of her responsibilities.

The Billy PEE humorously quoted The Renee as saying “Gentlemen, I am so completely incompetent, that if I were to pick my nose for half an hour , my head would cave in.” (Mind you, this could have been Tom Servo in an Mst3k episode.)

A reminder that new membership fees are OVER due (US$ NOT accepted).

“Wayne, as the legend goes, Odysseus chose to confront Scylla (a six-headed monster) and risk losing a handful of sailors, rather than to risk the

loss of his entire ship to Charybdis (a whirlpool). “ “Geez BBJo, u are giving me a furkin headache!”

12. Meeting ended at 10pm, where like a bride’s nighty, the twisted members hastily made off, while wino Geoff rode off into the night on a pile of pigshit in the back of Donno’s 4WD.

PLEASE NOTE. Next meeting is Friday the 13th January 2012 at 7.30pm.

DISCLAIMERIf something in these minutes offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all collectively heap scorn and derision on you. My sense of humour may hurt your feelings, I suggest you drink a bowl of grog and get over it. Members and other unauthorized recipients are advised to be ATTENDANT at the meeting in order to establish the veracity and accuracy of these minutes. The author is not liable for any libel arising from any inaccuracies and flagrant distortions of the observable truth, due in part to the possible onset of dementia, short attention span, and effects of Grog on this sub prime crusty old fart. I also appear to be going deaf, so PLEASE SPEAK UP !! Any miss spelt words and/or bad ‘grama’ and/or piss poor punctuation - tell it to someone that cares. (maybe The Rosie, head of our complaints department, who it is known, likes to listen to drawn out tales of woe and self-regret).

The Donno - Twisted Leaders Secretary (with mucho help from The Sarah)

Dear Dr. Phil, When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favourite pastime -- fishing. I bought my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.Finally, one day down at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, but she always complains that I spend too much time out on the lake.A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen,only a few minutes later Sam must have caught its twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nicebass that we caught and showed the picture to my wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.Dr. Phil, I need your advice. What would you do? Should I tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby, or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?Thanks. Twisted Leader. This is Sam and the 2 fish we caught.

Dear Twisted Leader, Get rid of that narrow minded wife. That’s a

nice pair of bass! Sincerely Dr. Phil.

Little Donno