A

CERTIFICATE

IN

NEURO-LINGUISTIC

PROGRAMMING

BY WELLER ASSOCIATES TRAINING

Welcome,

Thank you for purchasing our NLP training course. This online course is a balance of informative training modules and enjoyable practicals. Therefore learning your new skills will also be lots of fun! With being an online course you can do each module in your own time. You can take a couple of weeks or a few months; it’s totally up to you.

NLP is a skill that once mastered can change your life and improve your relationships. You will have the ability to communicate in every area of your life with much more confidence.

Also our unique course comes with two hypnotherapy downloads:

‘Relaxation & Confidence’ which will improve your overall confidence and help you cope with the day to day stresses of life.

‘Supreme Business Confidence’ which will build business confidence and help give you the edge in the business world.

This course has 12 modules and each module has a practical section for you to practice your new skills. Each module is easy to follow and self explanatory. However, if you have any questions please email sam@wellerassociates.co.uk

Enjoy and have fun using your new skills.

Weller Associates Training

Modules

1) Introduction to NLP

2) Representational systems

3) Eye Accessing cues

4) Calibration

5) Anchors

6) Future pacing

7) Rapport building

8) Pacing and leading

9) Body language

10) Swish

11) Meta Language patterns

12) YOU and NLP

1 - Introduction to NLP

What is NLP?

It is the study of the structure of our subjective experience! We are sure a lot of people are still saying ‘What is NLP’? Well here are a few definitions of NLP that might help you:

• The secret of successful people

• The way to creating your new future

• The way to help people make sense of their reality

• The key to learning

• The ultimate way to communicate

• The way to get the results you want in all areas of your life

• The way to influence others (this should only be used with integrity)

• The toolkit to change your life

• It’s about what makes you and other people tick

NLP is Neuro-linguistic programming which is increasingly being talked about in the media, it is used in business and used to help people make sense and enrich their lives. The name Neuro-linguistic Programming can be broken down as follows:

Neuro is based on how we experience the world. How we use our senses and translate sensory information into our thought processes, whether that is consciously or unconsciously. Our thought processes trigger the neurological system, which in turn affects our physiology, emotions and behaviour.

Linguistic is about the way we use language to make sense of the world. We use language to understand the world and share our understanding with others. It’s about our experience and how we communicate our experience with others. NLP it’s very much about the words we use, how they influence your experience and the words we use to communicate this to others.

Programming is about the theory of learning and how we code and mentally represent our experience. We remember, store and recall what we experience. We categories what we see and think. Using internal processes and strategies, which we use to learn, solve problems and make decisions (for example, it has four legs and we sit on it – it’s a chair). NLP helps people to recode their experiences and internal processes to enable them to obtain the outcomes they want.

NLP began in the early 1970’s in California at the University of Santa Cruz. It was there Richard Bandler a master’s student of information science and mathematics met Dr John Grinder, a professor of linguistics. They were intrigued by how some people managed to get through to very ill or difficult people, where others just were unable to connect with them.

Since then NLP has developed and grown. Many people have taken the concepts and made it more practical. It has helped many people transform their lives, everyday people like you! NLP is now used by sales people, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc. Actually it’s used by anyone that communicates effectively to others.

You can use NLP in many areas of your life; it really doesn’t have any limits. You can you it for:

• Communicating fully with family, friends and work colleagues

• Helping with panic attacks, anxiety and depression

• Personal coaching – confidence, self esteem issues

• Changing the way we think and our attitudes

• Business coaching – presentations, improving management

• Goal setting – personally and in business

• Performance coaching – sports and creativity

• Weight loss

• Stop smoking

• Dealing with fears and phobias

Introduction to NLP – Practical

1) Make a list of the areas in your life you would like to address and change.

2) Also make a list of the areas in your life that are going well and that you are proud of.

3) What do you find easy about communication? 4) What do you find difficult about communication? 5) Listen to the ‘relaxation and confidence’ download – details below. This course works in conjunction with two hypnotherapy downloads. The titles we have given you are ‘Relaxation and Confidence’ and ‘Supreme Business Confidence’. The NLP course will give you the tools to be a great communicator and understand the world around you. The hypnosis downloads will give you the confidence to use your new skills in your personal life and in business.

What is hypnotherapy? Hypnosis is a superior form of mental and physical relaxation, which can help clients use positive go forward suggestions to increase relaxation, break habits, cure phobias and enhance performance. Hypnotherapy is a treatment that is based on the premise that the mind and body do not work in isolation. A hypnotic state triggers the body’s mental and physical self-healing processes that lie in the subconscious. What is hypnotherapy like? Everybody's experience of hypnosis is slightly different. However, a hypnotic trance is generally a relaxing and tranquil experience. It is a totally natural state. Think back to this morning when you were half awake and half asleep. You were so relaxed you could not be bothered to wake yourself up properly as it felt so relaxed and comfortable. You were not asleep, but you were not fully awake either. This is what hypnotherapy is like. When and where do I listen to my download? Ideally listen to the relaxation and confidence download at least once a week. For best results find a quite comfortable place where you can either sit or lie down for around 30 minutes and not be disturbed. Just close your eyes, listen to the hypnotherapist and ENJOY! For more information about how to get the best out of your downloads please go to page 83

2 - Representational Systems

Our representational systems are how we take in, convert, store, and recall all of the things we have experienced. We have a representational system for each of our 5 senses and one for language. These are the building blocks of everything we do as human beings. NLP helps you describe the way you experience the world around you. Your experiences are through your five senses (also known as modalities) – sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. For example, if you think about going to your favourite restaurant. You might see a picture of the restaurant with all the tables full of lovely food, see all the other customers, hear the sound of people talking, the waiter taking your order and maybe the background music, the feel of the napkins in your hands and the food you pick up, the aromas of the food filling the air and the taste of each mouthful of food. All of the senses are used to enjoy the experience and to think about the experiences you have had. Most people think about ‘what we think’ and not about ‘how we think’. However how you think is as or even more important than what we think. This is because how we think actually determines the quality of what we think, therefore what we experience. The more we are aware of how we think, the more we can make sense of the world around us and it becomes more interesting and we can make more sense of it.

Filtering reality Reality is different for everyone, we all have our own view and experiences that shape our reality. As we experience reality we selectively filter information, we gather from the world around us. In NLP we use three main modalities – visual, auditory and kinaesthetic (feelings) know as VAK. However there are also olfactory and gustatory (smell and taste). For short all of them are know as VAKOG. We are all unique, some people see what they mean, they see in movies and pictures. They will have a clear picture of the visual dimension around them and in their mind. Others will hear the sounds. They will tune into the auditory dimension around them. Others feel the emotional aspects of their world, which includes touch. They feel the kinaesthetic dimension as body awareness. There are also smaller groups of people who also have senses of taste (gustatory) and of smell (olfactory). As we grow and developed as children most of us began to use one of the representational systems more than the rest. This so-called preferred system is easily displayed with how we experience the world around us. This also affects the words that a person use when communicating with the world, we will touch on this a little later. In our everyday life we use our preferred system(s) to experience life and connect with others. For example, if you were looking at buying a car: Visually How the car looks, the colour, shape etc. Auditory How the engine sounds, the noise the door makes when

it shuts etc. Kinaesthetic How the car feels to drive, the feel of sitting in the seats

etc. Olfactory The smell of the leather seats, the smell of a new car

etc. Gustatory Let’s hope taste doesn’t come into it when you buy a

car!!

What VAK are you? We are naturally a mixture of the main three modalities, however as mentioned we tend to have a preference. It may be easy for you to say whether you are mainly visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If it’s not we have put together a quick quiz.

Please circle which statement describes you the best: A You make important decisions based on:

1. What looks right to me 2. The option that sounds right to me 3. Following by gut feelings B You seem to be attracted to people:

1. By the way they look 2. By the sound of their voice 3. By connecting with them C You are very aware of:

1. The colours and shapes around me 2. The sounds and noises around me 3. How things around me make me feel D You understand a presentation more when:

1. The key points clearly illustrated 2. A sound argument is articulated 3. The real issues are grasped E You know you are having a good day by:

1. The way you dress and look 2. The tone of your voice 3. The thoughts and feelings I have

Now add up how many 1’s, 2’s and 3’s you have. Did you get mainly one number or were they evenly mixed? Now look below at what makes sense to you! 1 – Visual If you have mostly 1’s you have a visual preference. This means you will be able to see your life clearly. You understand things more when you can see them. Your mind is highly visual; you can see what you are thinking. What everything looks like around you is important to you. 2 – Auditory If you have mostly 2’s you have an auditory preference. This means you will be able to tune into the world. Sounds around you are either meaningful and enjoyable or annoying or distracting. You may need to adjust the sound levels of your environment. You enjoy music, talking and sounds have a real meaning to you. 3 – Kinaesthetic If you have mostly 3’s you have a kinaesthetic preference. This means you have a gut feeling for what is right or wrong. Balance in life and how you feel is very important to you. The feel of your environment has to feel right, you may not be able to put your finger on what’s makes it feel right, it just does!

VAK words The founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder were fascinated by how people used language in different ways. The words people use provides clues to their preferred representational systems (known as predicates). Also how two people can have a conversation, but not really communicate with each other due to the language they use. Do you find that with some people you just seem to be on the same wavelength? You just seem to ‘speak their language’? Where with others it just seems hard work, you’re just speaking a ‘different’ language! Here are some examples of VAK words: Visual – it looks good to me. It appears that ... Now look here. A sight for sore eyes. Auditory – So you say. Clear as a bell. Hearing you loud and clear. That’s music to my ears! Kinaesthetic – How do you feel about that? Get a feel for it. Solid as a rock. One step at a time. There are also words for olfactory and gustatory modalities. Olfactory – pungent, smell, whiff, odour etc Gustatory – juicy, smoky, fresh, bitter etc

However, remember we may have a preference, say highly visual, but that doesn’t mean you only see the world that way. We may also be auditory! If talking about a car you may say the sleek lines and colour show the car of to the maximum, as well as the sound of the doors shutting showed you it was built to a high standard. We don’t just exist in one modality. We will come back to predicates when we talk about rapport later in the course.

Representational Systems - Practical

1) Write a short essay (200-300 words) about your experience on a holiday, a day out or a day at work. This is only for your eyes and once you have done this look at the next step. 2) Now you have written your article can you highlight any predicates you have used? Look at the examples above to help you. Now count how many you have used for each modality. This along with the fun quiz will show you what modalities you view and communicate with the world. 3) You can also get your partner or friends to do the quiz and practical, it can highlight why you communicate so well or struggle to understand each other sometimes!

3 - Eye Accessing Cues

Our bodies give subtle clues to people’s preferred representational systems. Bandler and Grinder observed that people moved their eyes systematically depending on which representational system they were accessing. They found when people responded to a question they moved their eyes. They called these eye movements ‘eye accessing cues’. You could actually guess whether they were accessing pictures, sounds or feelings. This is a model for what a person does in their head as they make up an Internal Representation (I/R). Therefore by looking at someone's eyes, you could tell HOW they think. Not what they think, but HOW they think. You can tell what they're doing inside. You may think how could this be helpful? Well you can tell without them uttering a word what modality another person is thinking in. Also if the reply to your question congruent with what they are thinking. In other words whether it is the truth or a lie!

Now take a moment to consider the following: What was the colour of a favourite toy from your childhood? Remembering a distinctive sound from your past, perhaps a school bell or the first record you brought. How clear is it? What do you think of first when you remember a particularly happy event or emotion that you have experienced? How does it feel to relax in a warm bath? What would your name of your road look like in bright coloured neon lights? How would your name sound if it was said underwater? Each of the questions above causes you to access a memory or to mentally construct an experience. As you relax and run through the questions again. What do you notice, if anything, about the movement of your eyes? Now ask a friend the same questions, making sure that you are looking at their eyes as you are asking them the questions. What do you notice specifically about their eye movements? The effect that you might be noticing is referred to in neurological literature as ‘lateral eye-movement’. As mentioned with NLP we use this phenomenon to help recognise patterns of thinking and primary processing systems (whether people use vision, sound or kinesthetic to trigger their thinking).

The diagram below shows the usual meanings attached to lateral eye movements.

Visual Remembered (Vr) These are eidetic images, that is, images from the memory, recalling things you have seen before. This may also include dreams. These images are usually clear, colourful and bright. For example: What colour was the front door of your first house? What colour is your bedroom wall? What does your favourite picture look like? Visual Constructed (Vc) These are images of things that you have never seen before. They are created by you, although may include bits of remembered images. They often appear less vivid because of this. For example: What would your kitchen at home look like if you could buy all new units and tiles? What would a dog with six legs look like? What would you look like if you had no hair? Some people can also access visually by defocusing their eyes. When this happens, the eyes will usually stay in the centre and stare ahead. Auditory Remembered (Ar) Is when you remember sounds or voices that you've heard before or things that you've said to yourself before. When you ask someone about what was just said they would typically look in that direction. You will also look here when you remember nursery rhymes, ringtones and songs. This is also how we remember lists and subconscious messages.

For example: Can you remember the sound of your best friend’s voice? How does the soundtrack to your favourite soap sound like? What does the ringtone of your home phone sound like? Auditory Constructed (Ac) Is making up sounds that you've not heard before. Also putting things into words, speaking a foreign language that you have to translate from your native language. For example: What would it sound like if you had a really squeaky voice? What would Happy Birthday sound like if it was sung in Russian? How would we sound if we all talked under water? Kinaesthetic (K) You generally look in this direction when you're accessing your feelings, emotions and stored memories of touch. How does it feel when your jeans are too tight? How does it feel when the sun is warm on your back? How does it feel to be happy?

Auditory Digital (Ad) This is where your eyes move when you're having internal dialogue (Talking to yourself). Often associated with thinking deeply, therefore ‘talking to oneself’. Am I successful? What happens when you tell yourself you can do something? These eye accessing cues are generally accurate for right-handed people and approximately 50% of left handed people. The other 50% of left handed people are reversely organised in one or more plains. Reverse organisation however is not restricted just to left-handed people; some right handed people can be reversed organised in any plain. Therefore it is essential to calibrate each individual rather than to assume that they are ‘normally’ organised. Let’s look at your eye accessing cues. Next there are some questions you can ask yourself, all you need to do is ask yourself these questions and notice where your eyes go. Here are some example questions for each eye cue for you: Pattern Eye move What’s happening inside Sample of language Visual (constructed) Top right Seeing new or different images Think of a pink

elephant Visual (remembered) Top left Seeing images seen before Think of your front

door in detail

Visual Stare ahead Seeing either new or old images See what means a lot to you

Auditory Centre right Hearing new or different sounds Listen to the sound of your name backwards

Auditory Centre left Remembering sounds heard before Hear your own ringtone

Auditory Bottom left Talking to oneself Ask yourself if you want a drink

Kinaesthetic Bottom right Feelings, emotions, sense of touch Notice the feel of your hair

What did you find out? Do you have the standard eye cues or did you have your own organization? Now try it on a family member or a friend. Ask them the questions and carefully look at the direction their eyes go. This information can be useful in gaining rapport and achieving more effective communication, which will be looked at later in the course.

Eye Accessing Cues - Practical

1) It takes practice to read someone’s eye cues; therefore we have put together an exercise to help you. We want you to read 3 peoples eye cues, however first you need to calibrate them first. You can ask the questions used earlier in this module to confirm how they think with their eyes. Once you have done this ask them the questions below, asking them to answer in their heads. You do not want them to tell you the answer. Pay full attention to their eyes when you ask each question, then pencil in next to the smiley face an arrow pointing the way they move their eyes.

Eye movement game

1) Picture a pink elephant.

2) What do you say to yourself when you do something really well?

3) Remember the sound of your mobile phone

4) What does Mickey Mouse look like?

5) What did you see when you opened your eyes this morning?

6) What were the first words you said this morning?

7) What is the sensation of sand between your toes?

8) Imaging you name being said backwards.

9) How hot do you like your bath water?

10) A circle fills a square; how many shapes are there?

4 - Calibration

NLP defines calibration as the process of learning how to read another person’s responses. To be a good communicator we need to improve our skills of observation and notice the subtle cues and facial expressions of people we meet. This involves the ability to interpret changes in muscle tone, skin colour and shininess, lower lip size and breathing rate. A NLP practitioner uses these and other indications to determine what effect they are having on their clients. This information serves as feedback as to whether the other person is in the desired state. An important and often overlooked point in communication is to know when to stop when the other person is in the state that you desire. Calibration is also a way of testing whether you're in rapport with someone. We will look at rapport in more detail in another module. The quality of your communication is in relation to your enjoyment and the results of your communication. This is dependent to a certain degree on your ability to calibrate to another person's emotional state, behavioural preferences, and patterns. In NLP terms, people often make

quick generalisations with insufficient information. However almost no one behaves the same in multiple situations. So calibration is great for determining someone's present state of mind, but it shouldn't be used to figure out how another person behaves in every situation. In simple terms calibrations is about noticing what is going on with other people. Now let’s look at how we develop these skills? How do we improve our ability to notice things? You might have some good ideas as to what you can do on your own to improve your general calibration skills. However to increase your calibration skills and your results, you must INITIALLY ALWAYS TEST your results with objective data. Without testing, there is no reliable increase in skill and all your efforts in improving your calibration skills will be little more than a waste of time. There are few areas in NLP where external objective data is more important than it is in measuring the results of your developing calibration skills. This is really important, as if you presume your results without backing this up with data your results will just be guesswork. Only after we accept this and we get used to seeking observed data in measuring our calibration, our results will improve. That's one of the reasons why practice is so important! It is very useful to learn how to observe a LOT of non-verbal behaviours in people. Here are just a few of the many signals you might wish to learn to notice on a more regular basis. A way to do this is to print off the list and while you are watching television, go through the list and look for each listed item for around 5 minutes. For example watch for blinking rates/patterns in the show you are watching for 5 minutes, and then the next 5 minutes look at head positions, etc.... Watching each signal by themselves has no real significance, nevertheless the result enables you to be able to notice patterns of these signals while we communicate. Furthermore becoming good at noticing many different signals is surprisingly useful.

Useful non-verbal behaviours • Blink rate/pattern • Head position tilt/lean/changes • Breathing rate/pattern/shifts • heart rate (can be seen at the base of most people's necks) • facial circulation patterns • pupil dilation/contraction • smiling/frowning • nostril dilation • upper lip movement • lip biting • eyebrow movement • squinting • fingertips on face or lips • hands facing up • body lean • tension in upper body • lower lip swelling with blood • shoulders raised quickly • blinking when answering • audio tonal changes during answer • time for processing answers • and many more

Please remember that few if any of the above signals ‘mean’ anything in their own right. Body Language is not about learning to attach some random meaning to each of the above. The real aim is in AVOIDING assigning our own meanings to what these signals mean to someone else and to allow our own calibration skills to determine what each particular set of these and other signals means to someone else. A good example of this is a person who likes to cross their arms and making the mistake that that this behaviour MUST mean that they are closed to what is being said. They might be very open minded and just be most comfortable in that posture or they feel cold. This is why only with lots of calibration we find out what each signal or set of signals really mean to each unique person. This way we can much more effectively read and understand another person's behaviour.

Calibration - Practical You can develop Visual Calibration skills on your own. Here are some ideas to try: 1) Turn on the TV with the volume down and watch the news. Then just practice lip reading. You may think you can’t lip read, however you already have all the skills built into your brain to learn how to do this. You will find after around 20 minutes, you will be surprised the amount you ‘see/hear’. Do this for 20 minutes at least twice a week for a month and your accuracy will greatly improve. If you record the news programme first once you have ‘listened’ with the sound down you can replay it to see if your findings are accurate! 2) Watch another news show where there are two people in a debate. Again with the sound down calibrate each participant's states. Try and determine the MOMENT that the interview turns, which may happen several times. Then determine who the winner of the debate is non-verbally. See how early you can detect this, and whether or not you were right at the end of the debate. Once again best to record this and play it first with the sound down and then with sound to check whether you are right or not. Reminder - have you been listening to your ‘relaxation & confidence’ download?

5 - Anchors

In basic terms anchoring involves associating a strong mental or emotional state with an external stimulus (sight, touch, sound, smell, taste) when a person is most likely to connect the state and the stimulus. In many cases, repetition of the stimulus will re-associate and re-store the mental and emotional state. For example, when you smell your dinner cooking (stimulus) your mouth waters (state).

The stimulus may be quite neutral or even out of conscious awareness. Also the response may be either positive or negative. Responses are capable of being formed and reinforced by repeated stimuli and therefore are comparable to classical conditioning. Classical condition was first looked at by Pavlov in 1927. In very basic terms Pavlov notice that dogs would start salivating when they saw the men in white coats that were going to feed them. Therefore they were salivating as they associated the men with food. Pavlov started to ring a bell when the dogs were just about to be fed. Then after using this stimulus for a while he just rang the bell and the dogs started salivating! An external stimulus, the bell anchored the response of salivating (emotional state).

As mentioned there can be either positive or negative conditioning. Positive anchoring could be an old love song, that brings back loving feelings, or a favourite meal from you childhood that makes you feel so happy and content. Negative anchoring could be shouted at in a certain tone that brings back fearful memories of a teacher shouting at you and making you feel stupid, or such an intensive situation with someone that every time you see their face you revisit the fear.

The power of anchors is based on our ability to learn by making links and forming associations. Once anchors are established they become automatic responses, which can be very beneficial to you or unfortunately very detrimental to you. Anchors that are beneficial to you are those that trigger resourceful states like confidence and energy. Anchors that are detrimental to you activate negative states like frustration, lethargy and even depression. For example, you could have had a really bad day at work; however walking home you put on your MP3 player and listen to your favourite music. Listening to the great music always makes you feel good and calms you down. Alternatively you could have had a really great day at work and you feel really good, however on the way home you are stuck on a crowded bus that is hardly moving, that always make you angry!!

Altering your state with anchors Throughout the day our states are constantly shifting. A majority of people do not realise how much they could control their state. Instead they believe their environment shapes their state. The benefit of anchoring is that it allows you to alter your state to a more resourceful position when you need to. For example, you are doing a presentation at work and your emotions are running high. Instead of just worrying about doing the presentation, try to manage your feelings closely by being in the right state. You will find you will make the best choices and take steps for the best possible results when in a good state.

By keeping an eye on your state you will be able to acknowledge when you are not in a ‘good state’ and that will give you an opportunity to alter how you feel. You can then decide you want to shift into a better state, this can be done by either doing and thinking about things that make you feel good. To find your best possible state you need to adapt and grow, to do this you can ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I performing at my best?

• Am I being effective?

• Am I relating to other people?

• Am I being true to myself?

Furthermore you can look at times in the past when you have been successful in the same type of situation. Where were you mentally? Who was in your life? What was helpful to you? What did you do differently? When you build your state what modalities are you triggering? Visual, auditory, kinaesthetic? You may want to put together a list of triggers that help you change your state, which you can look at when you are in a state you want change. Another useful tool is a list of things that make you feel good. We are sure you can reel of a list of what annoys you, however if you put together a list of what makes you feel calm, confident and happy just think of how great it would feel if we could change in a heartbeat how you felt! Here are some examples for your list:

• Favourite music

• Talking to a friend or mentor

• Going for a walk

• Reading a book that puts you in a good frame of mind

• Being grateful for all that’s good in your life

• and many more...

Just one small word of warning, negative states can indicate that there is an underlying issue that may need to be addressed. Therefore do not ignore any message that it is trying to tell you. For example, frightened about doing a presentation could be a sign that you have not prepared properly. How to change a negative anchor We have emotional responses to our environment all day long. Some of them give us great happiness, love and pleasure. Others are not so great, like pain, sadness and loathing. It’s all part of being human; life can be fun and fascinating, as well as bewildering and unpredictable. Our lives can be full of ups and downs; whatever our emotional responses are they seem to just change. Something external happens and it causes a trigger and you just respond and feel the way you do! If you use NLP you will be able to control yourself, your state and the effect you have on other people. Once you practice this you will discover how amazing it feels to master your emotional state. To be able to do this it is necessary to have a way of changing a negative anchor. For example, a partner only has to leave the top off the toothpaste and you start moaning at them and blowing it out of proportion. Leaving the top of the toothpaste has created a negative anchor. Not bothering to put the top back on equals not caring about you. One NLP strategy to release an anchor is by desensitisation. This is where you get yourself into a neutral or disassociated state and then introduce the trigger. If we look at our example of the toothpaste top again, with desensitisation get into a strong state then when your partner leaves the toothpaste top of, you will be able to either just ignore it, put it back on yourself or very politely ask them to replace the toothpaste top and

explain how it makes you feel. Then each time the trigger is repeated stay in a strong state to desensitisation yourself from the negative anchor you have developed. The aim is to change your negative anchor to either a neutral state or a positive anchor, in other words create a new habit! Another strategy is to collapse the anchor by setting one anchor against another, the unwanted negative one with a stronger positive one. This will confuse your state and a new state is created breaking the old negative habit. Setting an anchor NLP uses three simple steps to take control of your state and setting an anchor. 1) Know what positive state you would like to be in. 2) Recall occasions in your past when you have been in this state. 3) Relive this positive state in your mind as vividly as you can (i.e.

visual, auditory, Kinaesthetic). When following these three steps you need to get into a confident, positive state and be very clear on what you precisely want. You need to really engage with the experience (sights, sounds, feelings & smells). This will allow you to get into the best positive state possible. It’s then at that moment you can set a new positive anchor. Just remember it is just as easy to set up negative anchors without planning to do so. To prevent negative anchors you need to recognise triggers in you and realise you have a choice in how you respond.

You can get into a habit of responding negatively to certain situations; however when you are aware of it you are in a position to decide if that is an appropriate and useful response to be in. Finally, with NLP you can summon up a positive state and feel really good by creating a physical anchor. This can be recalled at any time you need that extra positive confidence boost. For example when you are feeling nervous or start to feel angry. To do this you need to set a physical anchor, this can be for example, either squeezing your thumb and forefinger together or touching your ear or whatever feels right to you. Then every time you feel really positive, confident, do something really well or feel fantastic, engage your physical anchor. You need to do this several times in your heightened state. Then this will become a strong and powerful anchor, which you can call upon when you need to feel positive and energised. For example, when you have to do a presentation or attend an important meeting.

Anchors - Practical

1) As mentioned your anchors change throughout the day. In this practical we want you to concentrate more on what gives you pleasure and thus making you feel good. The more you concentrate on what makes you feel good, the more you will notice everything around you that makes you feel good. Consequently negative things around you will seem less significant over time. Therefore we want you to pick out every day five experiences that have given you pleasure and write them down. It can be small things like talking to a friend, listening to music or going for a walk, it’s your list so just put on it what makes you happy. You will be amazed how your list grows! It’s then great to read when you are under pressure or feeling low. 2) Another exercise for this module is to set up a positive physical anchor. Over the next week or so every time you feel really positive, confident, do something really well or feel fantastic either squeeze your thumb and forefinger together or touch your ear. The more you do this the stronger the physical anchor will be. Then when you need more confidence and want to feel great in a situation that you are not sure of, perform your physical anchor and think of the positive feelings you have programmed by this action - you will be surprised how great you feel!

6 - Future pacing

Future pacing is a technique of imagining doing something in the future and monitoring your reactions. It is typically used to check that a change process has been successful. For example observing body language when imagining being in a difficult situation before and after an interaction. If the body language has changed for the better then the interaction has been successful. Future pacing can be used to ‘implant’ change into the context of the future. It allows you to deal positively with a situation before the situation occurs. This is based on visualisation, as the mind is deemed not to be able to tell the difference between a situation which is real and one which has been clearly visualised and not happened yet. The hypothesis is that, having visualised positively a situation, when you encounter the situation again in reality the visualised experience will provide a model of how to behave, even though this experience had only been imagined before. Due to the mind not being able to tell the difference between the visualisation and reality, visualising what you want results in changes and the supreme confidence you want.

This technique is really useful to change situations you are worried about, practicing new skills, business presentations and sport performance. Professional athletes use visualisation to master their perfect performance. For example, a tennis player would imagine playing the perfect shot over and over again in their mind using modalities and submodalities (modules 2 & 10). Then when they are competitively playing a tennis match the perfect shot feels more natural and automatic.

Future pacing - Practical

1) Think of a situation that is coming up that you are worried about or need to be at your best. Find a quiet place that you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes and get nice and comfortable. Now visualise (if you are not visual you can use other modalities) how you want the situation to go. Think of it vividly and really believe you can be the way you want to be. Make the image (feeling etc) big, bright, really see it, hear it, feel it! Do this on a regular basis before the actual event. As mentioned the mind can not tell the different before visualisation and reality, therefore this is highly effective. 2) Listen to your hypnosis download ‘relaxation and confidence’, then sit quietly and close your eyes. Think about being confident in everything you do. Think about how you walk, talk and communicate with others. See, hear and feel your new confidence! Notice how confident you are around others, especially at work.

7 - Rapport building

Have you ever wondered why sometimes when you meet someone for the first time you just instantly get on with them, you feel like you have know them for ages, they are easy to talk to and they just seem to be on your ‘wavelength’? Well that’s good rapport at its best!! On the other hand have you ever spoken to someone who you believe is not listening to you, doesn’t quite get what you are trying to say to them and they are not making any sense to you? Well that’s a great example of poor or no rapport. Rapport is a key element of NLP and leads to successful communication on a one to one basis and in groups. Against popular belief you do not have to like someone to have good rapport; however you do need to be mutually respectfully. Also rapport is a skill that needs to be practiced and developed.

The definition of rapport is ‘a sympathetic relationship or understanding’. True rapport is based on an instinctive sense of trust and integrity. However we will show you how to build rapport with people who you would normally have struggled to build rapport with. First we would like you to think about someone you have rapport with. What signals do you send out to them and receive that tells you that you are on the same wavelength? How do you build and sustain rapport with this person? Then compare how you are with someone that you do not have rapport with, but would like to have to have rapport with. What signals do you send out to them and receive that tells you that you are not on the same wavelength? What gets in the way so that you do not build and sustain rapport with this person? Now look at your communication with the person you have rapport with, what do you do with this person that you do not do with the second person? Is your behaviour more flexible with the first person? Have you known the first person longer? What do you need to do with the second person to have a better rapport? Do you need to get know this person better and really understand them? It is great to have and build rapport with people you know and meet, however it is most beneficial if you identify with whom you want to build a rapport. This may be someone at work, a family member, a business partner or someone you know socially. Below is a form that you can fill out for anyone you want to build a better rapport with. A good relationship takes work and by asking these questions it will focus your communication with this person. The questions are about the person and your requirements for the relationship, as rapport is two way.

Building better rapport.

Person’s name: __________________________________________________________

Where/how do you know this person? _______________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

What relationship do you have with this person? _____________________________

How would you like YOUR relationship with this person to change? _____________

__________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What effect would this have on you? ________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What effect would this have on the other person? ____________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Is this relationship worth you investing your time and energy in? _______________

__________________________________________________________________________

What is important in this person’s life at the moment? ________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Does this person have a lot of pressure in their life at the moment? ____________

__________________________________________________________________________

Can you learn anything from someone who has a great rapport with this person? _

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

What can you think of that can improve rapport in this relationship? ___________

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Is there anyone that can help you build rapport with this person?

_________________________________________________________________________

Two ideas that you can do now that will move forward this relationship. ________

__________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Eight quick ways to perfect your rapport skills Learn to understand the other person instead of expecting them to understand you. Really get to know what is important to them. Think about the key words (especially VAKOG) and phases used and the way the other person speaks. Then subtly use them in your conversation with them.

• How does the other person handle information? Is it in lots of detail or the bigger picture? Remember to speak in their wavelength.

• Breathe at the same time and rate as them; this is subtle, but very

effective.

• Don’t just look at the way they say things, look into their intension and underlying aim.

• Subtly act in a similar way. Look at their stance, body language,

voice tone and speed etc

• Respect their time, energy, people they care about and assets.

• Be true to yourself, true to your beliefs, live by your values and be yourself.

When building rapport or in rapport with someone you can still disagree with the person. The important thing to remember is that you remain respectful and subtly act in a similar way. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘it’s not what you say it’s how you say it’. Well with good communication and rapport this is very true!

Research into good communication has found that there are three factors words, non-verbal communication (body language) and tonality. Generally people believe the most important factor is the actual words used. However they could not be more wrong. Words are only 7%, tonality is 38% and a massive 55% is non verbal communication. Due to this a lot of rapport building is unconscious, we just feel the other person is like us and this massively increases favourable response potential. Getting non-verbal communication wrong can ruin rapport. For example, a person can be saying all the right things in an interview, but be leaning back in their chair with their arms and legs crossed. This is giving off mixed messages and the interviewer is more than likely to think, they can’t do the job. However they can’t put their finger on why they think that, they are just not right for the position and company. Your body language talks volumes and when this is congruent with what you say it’s extremely powerful. We will look at body language in more detail in another module. Matching and mirroring In the 1980s body language books were advocating the concept of mirroring, where you simply mirror gestures somebody else does. For example, if they lifted their right hand, you would lift your left hand (a mirror image). This is basically true; however there is a high chance this will be quite obvious and as a result will make you look like you are mimicking them. It can also make the other person will feel quite uncomfortable, which will definitely not be helpful when building rapport.

Matching is slightly different as you do what the other person does. Therefore, if they put their left leg over their right leg, you do the same. This is slightly more subtle than mirroring. Cross over mirroring is more discreet than basic matching and mirroring. This is where you take one aspect and match it with another that is similar. For example, they cross their legs, you cross your arms. This is effective and very subtle mirroring if done properly. Of course, even matching and cross over mirroring might be noticed. However it does not have to be based on their physiology. To be really clever you can take it to another level and match their voice tonality, tempo, volume, breathing patterns, blinking rates, etc. Body language includes body posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, breathing and eye contact. As a beginner, start by matching one specific behaviour and once you are comfortable doing that, then match another etc. With the voice, you can match tonality, speed, volume, rhythm and clarity of speech. All of us can vary various aspects of our voice and we have a range in which we feel comfortable. Therefore if someone speaks very fast, much faster than you do then match to a level that is comfortable to you, it’s always best to stay within a range that is comfortable for you. With words, match predicates. If the other person is using mainly visual words, you should also mainly use visual words, and the same for auditory and kinesthetic words. Also to an extent you should use the same key words as the other person. For example, they may say something that had happened was 'carnage'. In your model of the world, you may interpret that as ‘awful’. You both might be meaning the same thing, however ‘awful’ to the other person may have a different meaning or evoke a different feeling than 'carnage'. By saying the same words you would match them and they would feel you were on their wavelength.

Now let’s look at different behaviours that we have that help us build rapport. Mirroring behaviours can include:

• Body Posture • Hand Gestures • Facial Expressions • Weight Shifts • Breathing • Movement of Feet • Eye Movements

Matching can include:

• Words • Predicates • Voice tone • Voice volume • Voice rhythm • Talking speed • Clarity of voice • And physical actions

One basic difference between mirroring and matching is timing. This is sometimes called pacing. While mirroring is simultaneous with the other person's movements, matching can sometimes have a 'time delay' factor to it.

Breaking rapport There are times when you need to mismatch people to break rapport. Have you ever had someone go on and on and on when you are having a conversation with them and you wonder if they will ever stop talking? Or you want to change the direction or tone of a meeting? Well this is when you can do the opposite to matching and mirroring to break rapport. You can break eye contact, turn your body at an angle to them, breathe faster or slower in contrast to their breathing, in short do anything to break rapport by mismatching. You will be surprised how quickly and easily the conversation will draw to a close or change. When breaking the rapport has had the desired effect, you can easily regain rapport by mirroring and matching them again. Different perspectives Being able to understand others point of view and be flexible allows you to view the world in different ways. Having different perspectives enables you to discover new ideas. You will find you hear and observe other people in more detail as you learn these basic rapport skills. Paying attention to others in this way is a process of building trust and getting to know the person you are talking to at a different level. The main thing to remember is when engaging in rapport it must be subtle. If the process intrudes into the other person's conscious awareness they may respond unfavourably or become uncomfortable.

Rapport building - Practical 1) Some people find the idea of matching another person uncomfortable and they feel that they are trying to fool or take advantage of the other person. To overcome this uneasiness the key is to practice, practice, practice. It is more than likely you are doing this already with people you have a great rapport with, but you just don’t realise you are doing it unconsciously and naturally. Therefore we want you to gradually increase your conscious use of matching and mirroring that feels comfortable and ethical for you. Rapport is based on integrity and respect which creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Rapport is the ability to enter someone else's world, to make them feel you understand them. Start by matching one specific behaviour at a time and once you are comfortable doing that, add another and another. We suggest you start with a family member or friend and just match their arm movements are first. Then their predicates etc...

2) Make a list of people you have great rapport with and what your actual relationship is with them. Why do you think you have a good rapport with these people? Do you react differently to them? Do you invest more time into them? What can you take from these relationships that you can bring to relationships you want to improve? Make some notes of this information as it can be very useful to develop rapport with others. 3) If you haven’t all ready print the form earlier in this module and fill it out for anyone you want to build a better rapport with. Remember a good relationship takes work and by asking these questions it will focus your communication with this person. The questions are about the person and your requirements for the relationship. Just another reminder to listen to your ‘Relaxation & Confidence’ download, for best results listen to this on a weekly basis.

8 - Pacing and leading

In NLP pacing is gaining and maintaining rapport with another person by matching or mirroring their external behaviour; which could be body posture, speed of talking etc. When we talk about leading in NLP it is about changing your own behaviour with enough rapport so the other person will follow. However it is important to remember to build rapport you need to pace, pace, pace and pace again before you start to lead. First you match the other person’s behaviours and vocabulary while actively listening to them. Then you can start leading, this is when you are attempting to get the other person to change by subtly taking them in a new direction. This is particularly useful in business. Effective salespeople have mastered this skill by pacing and genuinely showing an interest in their customer. They actively listen to their customer, confirming to them that they understand in their customer’s predicates and words. Then subtly leading their customer to where they need them to be to close the deal.

One important point is that not all communication is face to face. You will have communication with people over the phone and via email; your new skills can still be used. However over the phone you will not be able to see the other person’s body language, saying that your body language is still important. If you stand up and smile while on the phone your voice will be stronger and more energised, whereas if you were slumped over the phone looking down at the floor you will sound low and unclear. Using predicates, words, tone, volume etc are extremely important to build rapport over the phone. Communicating via email, may take a little longer to build a rapport. However it is possible by using the other person’s predicates and words along with a true desire to know this person in more depth, a good rapport can be built. The language of pacing and leading are slightly different. With pacing you are using ‘true’ statements. These can be comments that the other person has already said or facts about you/your circumstances that are true, for example, ‘I’m in my office’; ‘I know it is early’ or ‘I know we have been in business a long time’. With leading you are using ‘speculative’ statements’, for example, ‘you may wonder what we are going to talk about today’ or ‘I know you are going to be interested in..’ You can use this technique to turn around situations that seem to oppose you directly. For example, a new client saw a therapist and they said to the therapist ‘I’m normally sceptical of this sort of thing, but you come highly recommended’. The therapist would obviously think that person was highly sceptical, despite actually being there. However, if the therapist said ‘Well you should be sceptical about me’. The customer would be puzzled and asked why. The therapist would reply ‘Because until you’ve seen for yourself just how quickly I can get great results, you’ve got no reason to be anything other than sceptical’. The client would then start to relax immediately and the therapy could begin. By using the client’s words, in this case ‘sceptical’ and threw in a double bind for good measure, ‘I told him something he could not be sceptical about – the truth’. Therefore at some level he had to consider being sceptical of his own scepticism. I know this is a bit confusing, but that’s why it works! As you can see pacing and leading is a powerful way to influence others!

Pacing and leading - practical

1) Practice making verifiably true statements about where you are right now. For example I am sitting in my office, today is Monday, the sun is shining, it’s 2016 etc 2) Practice making speculative statements that you can use in different areas of your life. For example, if you wanted to talk about your next holiday. ‘What country would you most like to visit’? 3) In a low-risk situation, for example with a friend, practise making some pacing comments to them in a conversation. Notice what effect they have on them, you will find people will often nod or say hmmm in response. Make sure you have a clear idea where you want the conversation to go before you start. 4) Set yourself a goal for communication in a low-risk situation. For example, persuade a colleague to go for a coffee with you or to get you a coffee. Use pacing and leading to seamlessly lead them to that goal. 5) Write a list of all the areas in your life where you can start using pacing and leading to persuade others more effectively.

9 - Body language Body Language is technically known as kinesics and is a significant aspect of good communication and relationships. From previous modules we know how important body language is to building rapport. Therefore body language is very relevant to all aspects of work and business and is also very relevant to relationships with friends and families. In terms of observable body language, non-verbal signals are being exchanged whether these signals are accompanied by spoken words or not. Your own body language reveals your feelings and meanings to others and at the same time other people's body language reveals their feelings and meanings to you. The sending and receiving of body language signals happens on a conscious and unconscious level. As non verbal communication is such a large part of communication (55%), it is imperative that our body language is congruent with the words we say. When your verbal and non-verbal communication is in harmony people believe what you say, they trust you. However, if your verbal and non-verbal communication is not in sync you will come across as not being honest, and people may not believe what you are saying to them.

One of the most basic and powerful body language signals is when a person crosses their arms in front of themselves. This could mean that the person is cold and crossing their arms to keep warm. However it can also mean that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. Therefore you have to be very careful about your body language. You may just be cold; however the person you are speaking to may feel you are not on their wavelength. Therefore if you are crossing your arms because you are cold you could clarify this by rubbing your arms to warm them or learning forward while your arms are crossed, as that indicates you are still interested in the conversation. What counts as non verbal body language? Body language is not just about how we move our arms and hold our bodies. Body language potentially is technically everything we do with our body that is not verbal. For example:

• How we position our bodies. For example, square on, at an angle etc...

• Our closeness to and the space between us and other people and how this changes.

• Our facial expressions. For example, smiling, frowning, interested etc...

• Our eyes, especially how our eyes move and focus etc...

• How we touch ourselves. For example, touch our face, move our hands, fidget etc...

• How we touch others. For example, briefly touch their arm or hand etc...

• How our bodies connect with other non-bodily things. For example, pens, glasses, clothing etc...

• Our breathing and other less noticeable physical effects. For example, our heartbeat, perspiration etc...

Body language tends not to include the pace, pitch, and accent, volume, variation, pauses etc of our voice. However, some argue that it should be taken into account as body language because a lot happens here which can easily be missed. Therefore if we consider merely the spoken word and the traditional narrow definition of body language or non-verbal communications we miss vital communication. Consequently, voice type is always important to consider alongside the usual body language factors. One of the most vital aspects of our body language is our eyes. Our reactions to other people's eyes (movement, focus, expression, etc) and their reactions to our eyes contribute greatly to mutual understanding, consciously and unconsciously. We can with no words at all, create massive feelings in a single glance. These effects have existed in real human experience and behaviour for thousands of years. Our interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial expressions, is instinctive, and with a little thought and knowledge we can significantly increase our conscious awareness of these signals: both the signals we transmit and the signals in others that we observe. Doing so gives us a significant advantage in life, professionally and personally when dealing with others. Being able to read body language is not just reading the signals in other people, it’s also about being able to understand body language enables better self-awareness and self-control as well. You will understand more about other people's feelings and meanings and understand more about these things in ourselves. When we understand body language we become better able to improve what our body says about us, which generates a positive improvement in the way we feel and the way we perform. An important thing about reading body language is its context, as body language in a certain situation might not mean the same in another. For example:

• Someone rubbing their eye might have a sore eye, rather than being tired, or disbelieving, or upset.

• Someone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather than being defensive.

• Someone scratching their nose might actually have an itch, rather

than concealing a lie. A single body language signal isn't as reliable as several signals. You need evidence of 'clusters' of body language signals to provide much more reliable indication of meaning. Avoid interpreting only single signals. Look for combinations of signals which support an overall conclusion, especially for signals which can mean two or more quite different things. There are so many body language signals and meanings. Here are a few examples of body language (legs and hands) and what they mean:

Leg signals possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

leg direction, sitting

interest, attentiveness (according to direction)

Generally their knee or knees are towards the point of interest. The rule applies with crossed legs also (upper knee indicates interest or disinterest). The more direct and obvious the position, the keener the attraction or repellent feeling.

uncrossed legs, sitting

openness In sitting positions, open uncrossed leg positions generally indicate an open attitude, contrasting with crossed legs, which normally indicate a closed attitude or a degree of caution or uncertainty.

parallel legs together, sitting

properness This unusual in men, especially if the knees point an angle other than straight ahead. The posture was common in women due to upbringing and clothing and indicates a sense of properness.

crossed legs, sitting

caution, disinterest

Crossed legs tend to indicate a degree of caution or disinterest, which can be due to various reasons, ranging from feeling threatened, to mildly insecure.

open legs, sitting (mainly male)

arrogance, combative, sexual posturing

This is a confident dominant posture. Happily extreme male open-crotch posing is rarely exhibited in polite or formal situations. The impression of confidence is increased when arms are also in a wide/open position.

ankle lock, sitting

defensiveness Knees may be apart (men) or together (women). There is also a suggestion of suppressing negative emotion.

Leg signals possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

splayed legs, standing

aggression, ready for action

Splayed, that is wide-parted legs create (usually unconsciously) a firm base from which to defend or attack, and also make the body look wider.

standing 'at attention'

respectful Standing upright, legs straight, together and parallel, body quite upright, shoulders back, arms by sides, this is often a signal of respect or subservience adopted when addressed by someone in authority.

legs crossed, standing (scissor stance)

insecurity or submission or engagement

Typically observed in groups of standing people at parties or other gatherings, defensive signals such as crossed legs and arms among the less confident group members is often reinforced by a physical and audible lack of involvement and connection with more lively sections of the group.

Hand signals

possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

palm(s) up or open

submissive, truthful, honesty, appealing

A common gesture with various meanings around a main theme of openness. Can also mean "I don't have the answer," or an appeal. In some situations this can indicate confidence or trustworthiness. An easily faked gesture to convey innocence.

palm(s) down

authority, strength, dominance

Where the lower arm moves across the body with palm down this is generally defiance or firm disagreement.

palm up and moving up and down as if weighing

striving for or seeking an answer

The hand is empty, but figuratively holds a problem or idea as if weighing it. The signal is one of 'weighing' possibilities.

finger pointing (at a person)

aggression, threat, emphasis

Pointing at a person is very confrontational and dictatorial. Adult to adult it is generally unacceptable and tends to indicate a lack of social awareness or self-control aside from arrogance on the part of the finger pointer.

Hand signals

possible meaning(s) detailed explanation

clenched fist(s)

resistance, aggression, determination

One or two clenched fists can indicate different feelings of defensive, offensive, positive or negative, depending on context and other signals. In isolation the signal is impossible to interpret more precisely than a basic feeling of resolve.

palms down moving up and down, fingers spread

seeking or asking for calm, loss of control of a group or situation

Seen often in rowdy meetings, this action is one of suppressing or holding down a rising pressure.

rubbing hands together

anticipation, relish

A conscious gesture of positive expectation and often related to material or financial reward, or an enjoyable activity and outcome.

hand(s) clamped over mouth

suppression, shock

Often an unconscious gesture of self-regulation. Stopping speech for reasons of shock, embarrassment or for more tactical reasons.

touching nose, while speaking

lying or exaggeration

This is said to hide the reddening of the nose caused by increased blood flow when lying.

hands clasping head

calamity Hands clasping head is like a protective helmet against some disaster or problem.

hand stroking chin

thoughtfulness The stroking your chine or beard indicates thoughtfulness.

running hands through hair

flirting, or vexation, exasperation

Running hands through the hair is commonly associated with flirting and sometimes indicates exasperation or upset.

hand(s) on hip(s)

confidence, readiness, availability

The person is emphasizing their presence and readiness for action. Observable in various situations, notably sport, and less pronounced poses in social and work situations.

When another person displays similar body language to our own, this makes us react unconsciously to feel that this person is like me and agrees with the way I am. We like this person because we are similar, and that they like us too!

Body language - Practical

1) Watch an interview on the television with the volume down. What can you tell about the communication between them? Do you think they have a good rapport? What makes you come to your decision? 2) Make two lists, one of positive body language and the other of negative body language you have witnessed while you are watching the interview. 3) In a low-risk situation, for example with a friend, practise positive body language and see how they react to you. Remember to match and mirror for maximum results. 4) While at work watch your work colleagues communicating. Look at their body language and what that tells you about their interaction. 5) Start to really pay attention to your own body language while you are at work and communicating with others. Also note how your body language is effecting the person you are talking to.

10 – Submodalities and Swish

First we would like you to think of a pleasant experience you have had, you may find closing your eyes will help you. As you think of this experience, do you see it in pictures, or get a feeling, or hear sounds, or can you do all three? However you experience it we can you now increase your intensity. Can you make the experience bigger, brighter, more intense or closer to you? Can you make the sounds clearer and louder? How about your feelings, can you make them more intense and feel it in different parts of your body or your whole body? By doing this you have discovered how to adapt your submodalities. How did you find your experience? What worked best for you? This is a very powerful tool as a small change of your submodalities can have a significant effect on changing your experience. Submodalities are the basic building blocks of the way we experience the world around us. Therefore you have control over the way you ‘choose’ to experience your world. Just think of the possibilities of this, you can heighten a pleasurable experience or remove unpleasant ones. Well technically you are not removing unpleasant experiences; you are changing them to a manageable and less painful one. In other words you can ‘choose’ the meaning you give to what has happened to you in your life.

As covered in representational systems (module 2) seeing, hearing, feeling, smell and taste (modalities) are how we take in, store, and recall all of the things we have experienced. Submodalities are what we have just touched on, for example, size, brightness, colour, loudness, tempo, type of voice, warmth, coldness, lightness, heaviness, different feelings in the body (i.e. butterflies in your stomach) etc. Submodalities give meaning to our experiences and you can use them to change the intensity of the meaning you give it. However sometimes these are real, good etc, other times are false, bad etc. By changing the submodalities of the experience you are able to change the experience and therefore the meaning of the experience. As a result the experience becomes more pleasurable. Associate and dissociate When reliving our experiences we use submodalities to ‘turn up’ and ‘turn down’ our feelings. When we picture something we can dissociate by seeing the picture further away or in black and white. Also another technique is to view the situation with yourself in it so it’s like a movie. On the other hand we associate by can making it bright, close to us and really feel like it is happening again in our mind. As both of these techniques change how we emotionally feel, some people can find this difficult. When you first start to look at the meanings you have given experiences and relive these experiences, you will find you can either take even more from good experiences or change bad experiences to make them easier to deal with. You will find with trial and error which modalities and submodalities work best for you. If at first it does work for you, don’t give up just look at the situation in a different way. Remember you are unique, therefore the way you store and recall information is also unique.

Visual submodalities Location of picture Near/Far Size of picture Large/Small Colour Full colour/black & white Brightness Bright/dull Moving Still/moving Focus Sharpe/blurred Shape Square/round/framed Visual submodalities Location of sound Front/back/left/right Volume Loud/quiet Tone Rich/deep Pitch High/low Rhythm High/low Tempo Tune Music/quiet Kinaesthetic submodalities Location of feeling Within your body/around your body Pressure Heavy/light Size Large/small Shape No shape/rounded/sharp Temperature Hot/cold Constant Yes/no Sensation Tingly/knotted/none When you start changing submodalities of a memory it’s a good idea to write down the submodalities of your memory as it is. Then if you start changing your submodalities and you feel uncomfortable of any changes, you can put the pictures, sounds and feelings back to how they were. However, if you think about the changes you want to make first, then work on what makes you feel good. Then deal with the experience in a positive way, you will be fine.

This technique does not have to be used for experiences you have had, you can use it to change and adapt how you want something to be. This is very useful and powerful in business and sports. For example if you have a big presentation to do at work, you can think about how the presentation will go. You can make yourself very calm and professional and actually see/hear/feel how good you are going to be – really live it in your mind. The more you practice this in your mind the more confident you will be when the actual event happens. A lot a professional sportspeople run through the perfect performance in the mind to hone in on their skills. Another use for this technique is to change a limiting belief. Have you ever said to yourself ‘I can’t to that or ‘I’m not clever enough to do that’? This is a belief you have and day to day your thoughts reaffirm this belief. By changing the way you think about yourself and what you are thinking you can change your belief. For example, is ‘I am not clever’ really true? If you weren’t, could you do everything you do in your life? Maybe you don’t have a lot of qualifications, that doesn’t make you stupid. Maybe you need to say to yourself that ‘you have strong life experiences that make you an amazing individual’. That is actually much more accurate and a much more beneficial way of thinking! Swish Swish is a powerful technique for making lasting changes in behaviours and habits. This is based on behavioural psychology and assumes that learning to respond in a certain way results in you exhibiting a particular behaviour. It teaches you a different way to respond instead of the unwanted behaviour. It works by using the pathways of the wanted behaviour to create a new desired pattern of behaviour. For example, if you wanted to stop craving chocolate, first you think of eating chocolate and using submodalities relive the experience eating chocolate. Then at the same time you mix this experience with a food you really hate, making the submodalities of the food you hate more and more intense. Thus the thought of chocolate will become the same as the thought of the food you hate.

One thing to remember the though process you want to change to has to be equal or stronger than the item you want to replace. You need to repeat this thinking process 4 to 7 times. You can use this technique for:

• Confidence

• Gaining control

• Happiness

• Negativity

• Habits

Swish can be used if you are visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. However if you are auditory or kinaesthetic you may find it useful to more you hands as you replace the one thought with another and click your fingers with this movement if you are auditory. We run through this technique in the practical section of this module.

Submodalities and swish - Practical 1) First we would like you to practice being associated and dissociated. Image you are sitting at a table at your favourite restaurant. If you are dissociated you will see a picture of yourself in the restaurant, just like watching yourself in a movie or photograph. If you are associated into the image, you will be seeing it from your own eyes, you can see in detail what’s on the table in front of you and look around the restaurant at all the other customers. Which do you do naturally? Can you change from one to the other? If you find it hard to dissociate, pretend you are in a cinema looking at a big screen and then bring the image up on the screen of you at the restaurant.

2) Next we can look at the how effective changing submodalities can be. To help you with this exercise use the lists of submodalities in this module: a) Think of a family member b) Remember the last time you had quality time with them.

c) Write down the qualities of the picture you see, sounds you hear and feeling you experience.

d) Start to change the picture you have, one visual submodality

at a time. Notice how each change affects the memory you have of your experience together.

e) Now change the sounds you hear, one auditory submodality at a time. Notice how each change affects the memory you have of your experience together.

f) Now change any feelings you feel, one kinaesthetic

submodality at a time. Notice how each change affects the memory you have of the experience together.

3) Write a list of limiting beliefs you have. For example, I can’t loose weight, I am stupid, I have no confidence or I am not very good with at my job. Now follow the next few steps to help you change your limiting beliefs:

a) Think of one of your limited beliefs you hold and want to change.

b) Now find ‘evidence’ that these beliefs are false (get a friend to help you if you need to). Write the evidence underneath each limiting belief.

c) Write a new belief that is empowering to replace your limited belief that you would like to believe. Remember to state them in the positive.

d) Now find ‘evidence’ that these new beliefs are true (again, get a friend to help you if you need to). Write the evidence underneath each new belief.

e) Now think of your first limiting belief, using submodalities and evidence that this belief is false change this belief. Make it as real as you can, picture yourself as not limited.

f) Break state – change your state of mind. You can do this my thinking of mundane, like your front door and moving your body slightly.

G) Now think of your new belief, using submodalities and evidence that this new belief is true, make this belief bigger and brighter. Make it as real as you can, picture yourself as this new positive person really seeing, hearing and feeling yourself having this new belief.

You may have to do this 2-3 times for each limited belief. Once you feel different about each belief move on to the next one.

4) For this exercise we are going to use the swish technique.

a) First think of a behaviour you would like to change. For example, confidence levels, gaining control, happiness, negativity and habits.

b) Create a close-up image of this behaviour. This should be a specific object or scene from the outside world. Since this will act as a trigger for the new behaviour, it should be seen through your eyes (associated).

c) Break state

d) Create a distant image for the desired behaviour. You want to move towards this, rather than experience it as if it were happening now and once again it should be associated. We prefer to see this as a tiny picture or, even more fun, a brightly coloured star that encompasses all the attributes of the bigger (better) picture.

e) Break state

f) Now you are ready to ‘Swish’ the two images. This is done by rapidly pushing the image in step ‘b’ into the distance and turning it black and white, at the same time rapidly bring forward the image in step ‘d’ right up to your face. Making it brighter, bigger and as real as possible. For effect, especially if you are kinaesthetic or auditory, you can move your arms and either clicker for finger or actually make a ‘swish’ sound as the images move into place.

G) Allow the images to settle for a minute in their new places.

Repeat steps ‘a’ to ‘g’ until the new behaviour has a stronger reaction than the old behaviour (normally around 4-7 times). Although this is primarily a visual technique and therefore you swish with size, brightness, colour, or just about any other submodality or set of submodalities that affects you. You can also swish in any modality, auditory, kinaesthetic, etc. It’s whatever works best for you!

11 - Meta Language patterns

The Meta Model is a tool to get closer access to someone’s experience that they code into speech. People respond to experiences based on their internal pictures, sounds and feelings. They also collect these experiences into groups or categories that are labelled with words. The meta-model is a method for helping someone go from the basic words that are say, to the specific sensory-based experiences they are based on. It is here in the information-rich specific experience that useful changes can be made that will result in changes in behaviour. Richard Bandler and John Grinder found that when people speak they naturally adopt three key processes with language, which they labelled as: deletion, generalisation and distortion. These words allow us to explain our experiences in words to others without going into enormous detail and long explanations. We naturally edit information, we pull information from one experience to another to generalise and distort true reality by using our own filters and imagination. Our perception of reality is filtered by what we already know through the processes of generalisation, distortion and deletion. This is how we all create our own personal experience and mental model of the real world. The Meta Model is a way of explaining the link between language and our experiences.

The Meta Model presents questions that enable us to overcome the deletions, generalisations and distortions that we make. The questions are to clarify meaning and asked in a gentle way with rapport. This allows you gather information to define a clearer idea of what is really meant. It is amazing how vague we really are. Here are a few examples of deletions, generalisations and distortions: Deletion

• Change is easy • He is so annoying • She is different to me

Generalisation

• We never do it that way • She never thinks about me • It is just not possible

Distortion

• You will hate this • He made me feel terrible • With looks like that she must be popular

As you can see our language is very vague, we say things as if the other person knows what we know. By learning how to deal with each type of filter we will be able to really understand what we are being said to us. Let’s look at each process of language.

Vagueness of Deletion When communicating we delete a lot of information. When we are listening we ignore many sounds and don’t process every word we hear and when we are talking we cut out some of the details we could share. However, there is a reason why we delete so much, if we took in every piece of information around us we would be totally exhausted and overloaded. Without all this deletion, communication would be an impossible task. Therefore deletion distributes a valuable essential selective mechanism. The language we use encourages us to fill in the gaps using our imagination and make up what is missing. For example, if a friend told you that they had a new kitchen fitted, you would start to imagine what the kitchen was like. If they didn’t give you any other information you would begin have your own ideas about what the new kitchen looked like and had in it. There is a drawback with deletion as it can be limiting, which effects our thinking and understanding. This is the case with positive and negative communication. For example, when we are complimented or criticised. There are some useful questions you can use to gather deleted information:

• Who? What? When? Where? How?

• Can you give me more information?

• More detail would be helpful.

Beware of generalisation When you are learning a new skill you take note of every detail and have no preceding experiences to compare it to. However, once you have mastered your skill you feel competent and you don’t need to re-learn it each time you do it. You are now able to generalise from one experience to the next. Your ability to generalise from preceding experiences is another essential skill that saves us energy and time when learning about the world around you. Generalisation is a key process to how we collect, store and recall information. Generalisation can also limit our experiences and reduce options and differences in other situations. For example, a person who has had problems with previous bosses may believe that ‘all bosses cause problems’ and decide that they will never have a boss that is fair. Her are some common generalisations:

• Estate agents can not be trusted

• People who live in New York are rude

• Scottish people are tight with their money

• Woman can multitask There are also key words that we use that are verbal clues about generalisation:

• Always, never, every, all, everyone When using these words, stop and think about whether you are limiting your choices. For example, if you said you are always unlucky. Is that really true, are you NEVER lucky?

Fantasy of distortion Distortion is the process where you change the meaning of the experience against your own map of reality. Distortion represents our own perception of the reality. For example, two people could see the same film and when asked about what the film was about, they could give very different answers. This is due to previous life experiences and interests, which would draw people to things they know and have experienced. Distortion supports your ability to explore your own inner world, your dreams, beliefs, and lets your imagination go wild. Therefore you can never really know what someone else is thinking. To try and understand we develop different distortion skills like mind reading, which can be extremely different to what others are thinking and feeling. One big problem we can have when thinking about our environment and experiences is when we can have negative distortion combined with generalisation. For example, everyone hates me and they all think I’m ugly. There are some useful questions you can use to check for distortion:

• How do you know?

• What makes you say that?

• How exactly?

• What are the facts behind this?

• Who says?

How to use the Meta Model The Meta Model uses language and questions to gain understanding and clarity of someone else’s experiences. These questions give you a very useful tool in all areas of your life, be it personally, in business, education or personal development. The Meta Model works as follows: Get more information – by understanding the aim and degree of what you and others are saying. Understand and clarify the other person’s meaning – find out exactly what the other person is thinking. Do you think you are both on the same wavelength? Are you making assumptions to what you are being told? Detect your own and other people’s limitations – understand that yours and other people’s beliefs and habitual behaviours can be unhelpful when gaining understanding. Open up more options – are you closed to the way you are thinking about what is being said to you or is the person you are talking to closed to the way they are thinking about you? Explore alternative ways of understanding. The best way to get the greatest understanding of others and yourself is to deal with distortion first, then generalisation, then deletions. You can do this by first listening to the words being spoken; this will help you find any patterns being used. Then with rapport ask the right questions. For example, with distortion – ‘how exactly’?, with generalisation – ‘does this always happen’? and with deletion – ‘tell me more about ...’

Remember you must build rapport before you ask questions like this, otherwise you will come across as interrogating and that you do not believe what they are saying. Therefore by being in rapport you will gain trust and with trust people will open up and be comfortable with being lead by the questions you need to ask. However make sure you are clear about what you are trying to achieve otherwise you will gather too much information and confuse yourself, and the person you are talking to. Finally remember to use modalities and submodalities, as people will only open up if they think you are on the same wavelength.

Meta Language patterns - Practical

1) Write down as many questions as you can think of that will help you gather deleted information. 2) Write down and remind yourself of the key words that we can use that generalise what we are saying. 3) Write down as many useful questions that will help you check for distortion. 4) Over the next week really listen to the way you use language. How much information do you delete when you are communicating, does what you say really make senses on its own?

How much do you generalise? How often do you use like - always, never, every, all and everyone?

How distorted is your reality? Do you let your previous experiences, beliefs and values change the meaning of what is really happening?

5) To help you really understand you own thinking and breakdown any generalisations that are stopping you achieve what you want and can be. Complete the following statements. I never .....

I never .....

I never .....

I should ....

I should ....

I should ....

I must ....

I must ....

I must ....

I always ....

I always ....

I always ....

I have to ....

I have to ....

I have to ....

I ought to ....

I ought to ....

I ought to ....

6) Now ask you self the following questions for each statement.

• When did I decide this?

• Is it really true?

• Is it helpful to me?

• What would happen if I didn’t think this? 7) Now review your list of statements after asking yourself these questions. Are these statements really true? Do you know feel that never, should, must etc could be replaced with: I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to .... I choose to ....

12 - YOU and NLP

We hope you have enjoyed this course and your Certificate in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP is an ultimate way to communicate and when put in practice gives you the results you want in all areas of your life. You have already started listening to the confidence hypnosis download that came with this course, which we are sure you are finding a great benefit.

NLP gives you amazing tools in business, which we hope you have put into practice. This is why we have also given you the ‘supreme business confidence’ download. Please start to listen to this download, this with your new NLP skills will give you the edge in business. We suggest you listen to this download at least once a week for at least a month.

YOU and NLP – Final Practical

Well done you are now at the final practical of this course. We hope you have been able to put your new skills into practice and enjoyed listening to your hypnotherapy downloads. 1) For your final practical please write a 1000 to 1500 word essay of how NLP and hypnotherapy has changed you over the last few weeks, personally and if applicable in business. Once you have done this essay please email it to e-certificate@live.co.uk Please also include your full name as you want it printed on your e-certificate. Please allow up to 7 days for your e-certificate to be emailed back to you.

How to get the best out of your downloads

Here are just a few pointers to help you get the most out of your download(s).

1) When you listen to your download make sure you are nice and comfortable, and that you will not be disturbed for around half an hour. Don’t forget to turn your phone off!

2) When listening to your download concentrate on the recording. Try and clear your mind of wondering thoughts and being disturbed from the everyday noises around you. If you do start thinking about other things, just bring your mind back to the hypnotic voice.

3) Hypnosis is very relaxing; just enjoy having time just for you.

4) If you are visual (can see pictures in your mind) visualise what the download is talking about. If you are not, just feel the descriptions. Either way is totally fine, as we are all individuals.

5) Ideally try and listen to this recording every day for 2 – 4 weeks. This will give you the best long-term results. However we understand we all have very busy lives! If you can listen to the download at least once a week that would be great.

6) Never listen to your download while driving or operating equipment.

7) If you have any concerns about your health and hypnosis, please speak to your GP before listening to your download.

If you have any questions please email us.

We hope you enjoy this amazingly relaxing experience and the wonderful positive changes it will bring you!