a Crime Comedy Script

7/27/2019 a Crime Comedy Script

1/127

1st 10 pages of spec.

script (Unspecified)A Telugu Crime Comedy Movie Set in USA

Written By

Hari Bodduna

2/12/2012


2/127

2

EXT. INDIAN GROCERY STORE EVENING

Stacks of crates piled up. The pile literally blocks the

entrance to the store.

Indian Customers find their way around to the entrance.

As usual, typical Indian social etiquette, No one opens the

door or holds the door for others.

INDIAN GUY 1 enters the store and shuts the door behind him

as An American woman enters. The door slams in her face.

The AMERICAN WOMAN falls flat on her back. Her nose a

little bloody. She is shocked.

INDIAN GUY 2 walks toward her. INDIAN GUY 2 extends his

hand to help her get up.

As she extended her hand for support, He sees an Ad

displaying a few tickets left for the PAWAN KALYAN MOVIE.

He pulls back his hand and rushes in to get the last few

tickets.

The AMERICAN WOMAN dismayed. She shakes her head in shock.

AMERICAN WOMAN

What do I expect?!

INT. INDIAN GROCERY STORE EVENING

CLERK, behind the counter. No smile on his face, looking

down, not greeting customers, yakking on the phone in

Gujurati. One hand on his groin, scratching.

There is a line of 3 to 4 customers waiting for check out.

CLERK, Still busy on the phone. Customers wait in line

impatiently.

Customers look at each other. CUSTOMER 1, in front dropshis merchandise on the counter to get CLERKs attention.

CLERK gestures his hand as wait a minute. CLERK is still on

the phone.

Finally, CLERK is off the phone.


3/127

3

CLERK

Im sorry. I had to make that call. Is that it?

No Chapattis today? We got FRESH made CHAPATTIS.

They are tasty. I tried them. Try them. Just 10

dollaa pack.

CUSTOMER 1

No. Not this time.

CLERK

Ok. May be next time. It will be 80 dollas total.

Cash or credit caad?

CUSTOMER 1 hands cash and takes change from the CLERK.

CLERK

TanQ! Come Again! Dont forget fresh chapattisnext time!

CUSTOMER 2 walks up to the counter. He places items on the

counter.

CLERK

Hello. How are you doing? Long time no see. We

got new Hindi DVDs. Shah Rukh Khans new movie

DVD Available. Just 2 Dolla for 3 days rental or

pipty dolla purchase, free no rent 3 days.

Total is 40 dolla. Cash or Credit caad?

CUSTOMER 2

Debit Card.

CLERK makes a face suggesting hes sincerely sorry.

CLERK

Im sorry. 1 Dolla extra charge for debit caad.

CUSTOMER 2, not happy, Hands cash.

CLERK

TanQ! Come Again!

CUSTOMER 3 is on the phone with friends, speaking in Telugu

loudly.


4/127

4

Customer 3

Mayya! Pawan Kalyan Movie, Mayya!!!

Total tickets book chesthunnanu.

Dollars danda ready chey, photoku veddam mayya!!

CLERK looks at him. Understands Pawan Kalyan Movie, Total

tickets book. CLERK makes a happy face, shakes head

happily.

Customer 3

Howu muchu is da ticketu?

Howu many ticketsu do you havu?

CLERK

Ten dolla per tickit. Pipteen Tickits.

CUSTOMER 3

Givu themu aallu.

CLERK

OK

CLERK runs to the sign and takes it down. Other customers

look at him puzzled.

CLERK

Sorry Sign up! No Tickits!

Customers complain false advatizement!

CLERK looks up at the CUSTOMER 3. CUSTOMER 3 nods his head

as a sign of agreement.

CLERK

Total is 180 dolla. Cash or credit caad?

CUSTOMER 3

Credi Cardu!


5/127

5

CLERK takes credit card from CUSTOMER 3 and swipes through

a machine. The machine does not take it first time. CLERK

taps it couple times.

CLERK

It should take it this time.

CLERK swipes the card again. It goes through this time. But

Machine runs out of paper.

CLERK

My colleague didnt change printa papa

Give me a minute! Ok?

CLERK Changes printer paper. Machine prints a receipt.

CLERK hands receipt to CUSTOMER 3 to sign. CLERK keeps one

copy and hands another to CUSTOMER 3.

CLERK

TanQ! Come Again!

CLERK hears a customer ask

CUSTOMER 4 (O.S)

Where are those Aloo parathas?

CLERK does not look up.

CLERK

Which one? One with naked picture on it?

CUSTOMER 4 (O.S)

Yes. That one. Those are the tasty ones!

CLERK

We hid them in the back so families do not

complain.

CUSTOMER 3(O.S)

Mayya! Anni ticketsu konnanra! Mana friendsku

cheppara. One ticketu 30 dollarsu ani.


6/127

6

CLERK shakes his head in disbelief. CLERK hears another

question for Aloo Samosas.

CLERK

We ran out. Get those big ones. Give you a dolla

discount.

CUSTOMER 4 (V.O)

Those are expired!

CLERK looks in CUSTOMERS direction.

CLERK

Expired by JUST a WEEK. I give it for HALF the

PRICE.

CUSTOMER 4 (V.O)

Okay! Deal!

CLERK rings up CUSTOMER 4. CUSTOMER 4 leaves the store.

CLERK gets out his phone and dials a number.

PHONE rings. A soft spoken NURSE answers the phone.

NURSE (V.O)

Dr. Patels office. How may I help you?

CLERK

This is --- ---. I would like doctor to call in

my pee medicine. My pee medicine ran out.

NURSE (V.O)

You mean! your AVODART?

CLERK

Is it my PEE Medicine?

NURSE (V.O)

Uh Uh yes, Mr. ----. Its your PEE medicine.

CLERK


7/127

7

Ok. I need that. I dont have one for tonight.

Also can you call in my fun medicine too?

NURSE (V.O)

You mean! Viagra?

CLERK

Yes! Yes! My wife said, dont come home without

that. I dont want to make her mad either. Its

not gonna be good. You know!

NURSE giggles.

NURSE (V.O)

Alright Mr. Macho man. I call them in.

CLERK

TanQ! Verry much!

CLERK hangs up the phone.

CLERK hums old Kishore Kumar Song, calls his wife.

PHONE rings. CLERK makes happy face, still humming song.

CLERK

Kem cho?

Ordered medicine. Close the store in 30 minits.

on my way home, get the medicine. Want some

sweets? No sweets! Okay.

Jai RamJi Ki.

As he hangs up the phone. A ROBBER bursts in. Points

handgun at the CLERK.

ROBBER

Open the drawer. Gimme the cash.

CLERK

Dont shoot, dont shoot. Take whatever you want.

ROBBER

You fucking Indian, Open the drawer.


8/127

8

If you dont, shoot you in the face.

CLERK

I got keys down there in the bottom shelf.

ROBBER

Then, getm slowly. No sudden moves.

CLERK bends down to get keys and sees shotgun. He slowly

grabs shotgun. Aims at the robber from a hole inside the

counter desk. CLERK pulls the trigger.

ROBBER falls to the ground. Blood sprays all over.

CLERK stands up hurriedly.

CLERK

(AGITATED, YELLING)

You fucking bastard. You think you can rob me. I

am an Indian and a GUJARATI. You wanted to ruin

my evening fun? You cant kill me. I wanna die

making love to my wife, not in your hands Mofo.

CLERK Calls 911(cops). Phone rings

CLERK

Hello a guy tried to rob my store. I shot andkilled him.

Send an EMS please.

Robbers not breathing. Hes fucking dead. This

is my location address.----- -----

CLERK hangs up the phone and makes another a phone call.

Phone rings

CLERK

Honey, Ill be a bit late.

I shot a robber. Waiting for cops.

Yeah. Yeah.. I am alright. Im gonna call our

partner too. I think we have to postpone our fun-

time. We talk about that when I get home.

CLERK makes another phone call. Phone rings


9/127

9

CLERK

Hey partner, how are you?

I got a situation at the store.

A guy tried to rob the store. I shot him. Hesdead. Im alright. TanQ you for asking! I called

911. Yeah, everything is taken care of. I leave

when EMS removes the body. No. No You dont need

to come. I got it under control. Alright talk to

you later.

CLERK hangs up the phone. CLERK looks out the glass door.

Onlookers look in through the glass door.

EMS Pulls into a parking lot. Police car pulls in behind

EMS.

EXT. BRAMHANANDAMS HOUSE MORNING

Dressed up in a biker gear. Leather jacket, Head band.

Tattoos on arms. He cranks up his Harley Davidson bike.

Its a weekend. BRAMHANANDAM on his way to a casino.

He gets a phone call. Phone rings He turns off the engine.

BRAMHANANDAM

Damn Always happens when Im ready to go out.

He looks at the number and smiles.

BRAMHANANDAM

Yo, my man! Whats goin on? On my way, to a

casino baby. You got that right! I love casinos.

I just wanna play some pokER you know. Good

talkin to you man. Take care.

BRAMHANANDAM disconnects phone and locks it up in waistband

case. He cranks up his bike and heads out the front-yard.

EXT.HIGHWAY NOON


10/127

10

Bramhanandam drives down the highway with sunglasses on. He

runs into a gang of Indian American Youngsters in a car.

Bramhanandam nods his head as an acknowledgement.

Youngsters yell, Beer bottles in their hands.

YOUNGSTERS

Hey, shorty! You need a kids bike. Not big boys

bike like that.

BRAMHANANDAM

Oh Yeah?

BRAMHANANDAM takes grenade like object out of his pocket.

He pulls out the trigger with his mouth. He throws it to

one of the youngsters.

BRAMHANANDAM

Catch it.

One of the YOUNGSTERS catches it.

YOUNGSTERS

What is it?

BRAMHANANDAM

Its a grenade!

YOUNGSTERS

Throw it away. Throw it away you moron!

Youngster throws away the grenade. Youngsters cover their

ears with hands. A few seconds pass by. No blast.

Youngsters look at each other. Surprised!!

Bramhanandam looks at them sarcastically,

BRAMHANANDAM

Kids!

YOUNGSTERS

You fucking retard! You almost killed us!

Bramhanandam looks at them and shakes his head. He takes

out Actress Anushka picture, kisses it and drives away.


11/127

11

EXT.CASINO TWO HOURS LATER

Bramhanandam pulls into a parking lot, parks his bike and

walks into a casino.

Youngsters pull behind him into a parking lot and one after

another walk into the casino.

INT.APARTMENT LIVING ROOM NIGHT

HERO, an OCD, in his late 20s, on the phone, pacing in a

living room.

HERO

Yes mom. I understand that But, you know

Pelli avatledani, pujalu chesthey pelli avuthunda

amma? Ala ayyithey, Naaku Heroine Aishwarya roy

tho pelli kaavaalani puja chestha. Avuthunda?

(A few seconds silence)

Heroine Aishwarya kaadu kaani, colors swathi la

vunte pareledha. (A few seconds silence), Oh

Nitya Menon la vunte baaguntunda. Balega cheppavamma. Thanu malayali, malli pogaru yekkuva ani

vinnanu. Kudaradamma kastham.

Alagey Amma, Meeku ammayi aithe chaalu kada, Oh

chilaka gorinka la vundaala memu.

Kashtamamma,computer and internet la vunte neeku

okay kada. Okay amma, online profiles kooda try

chesthale. Okay. Next week phone chesthanamma.

Hero disconnects cell phone and turns on a TV. He lies downin a sofa. A few minutes later, he gets a call and looks at

the number unenthusiastically. He answers the phone.

HERO

Hello Yes! Whats up!! Are you asking me?

Whether or not, I go to TANA Mahasabhalu? Of

course I do. I love it. But, the boring part is


12/127

12

speeches. Its like, Love making session with a

prostitute in reverse. Why dont they just get on

with fun part?

He watches TV in between the conversation. He reaches into

a Doritos bag, grabs a couple and puts them in mouth.

A few seconds later

HERO

These nacho cheese Doritos are great. I always

liked chili ones but these are fucking great.

(Munching Doritos)

Alright man Good night.

Hero switches off his cell phone and grabs some more chips

and stuffs his mouth, grabs sanitizer and rubs sanitizer on

hands, back to watching TV.

INT.IT COMPANY WORKPLACE MORNING

Hero checks out online matrimony profiles. He goes through

a few profiles. He finds none interesting. Hes a little

disappointed. Hero minimizes the matrimonial screen and

goes back to work screen. A Young woman approaches his

cubicle.

YOUNG WOMAN

Any luck with profiles?

Hero raises his head and looks at her and nods head as NO.

HERO

Not yet. Man One girl wants 6 feet tall groom

and another wants well-mannered, understanding

groom.

Understanding groom, are you kidding me? Women

are a mystery. Hormones control women. Men

havent mastered how to deal with hormones yet.

Young woman


13/127

13

Speaking of hormones, the same hormones help you

to be with a woman. So its a love hate

relationship. Youd better get used to it.

HERO

I understand that. I love good hormones but notthe bad ones.

YOUNG WOMAN

Its a bundle. Its a total package my friend.

Good hormones make you happy and the bad ones

make you miserable. And...

Young woman points a finger at Hero

HERO

And how I handle the bad ones determines my pathto pearly gates of womans heart and happiness!

Young woman points fingers at Hero as making a point.

Young Woman

Bingo!! Youre a quick learner!

HERO

Thank you Professor.

YOUNG WOMAN

You welcome kid!

Young woman leans forward to whisper.

YOUNG WOMAN

You know, why women love dogs? ...And cats?

Hero shakes his head as he doesnt know.

YOUNG WOMAN

Cause Dogs dont talk, just sit there and lick

faces and show unconditional love, you should

learn that trick.

HERO

You mean I should sit there and lick face too!

YOUNG WOMAN

Yuck man, thats gross, Do what man has to do.

HERO


14/127

14

Like what?

YOUNG WOMAN

Like, I dont know, may be, get used to bitching.

HERO

You mean, keep my mouth shut, open my ears and

dont complain?

YOUNG WOMAN

Exactly!! Einstein. Alright Im done bitching

now. Lemme go back to work.

HERO

Thanks a lot.

YOUNG WOMAN

For advice or for leaving you alone?HERO

For both

YOUNG WOMAN

Whatever...

Young woman walks away, rolling her eyes. Hero smiles at

her and goes back to work. A message window pops up on the

screen. Hero reads it.

HERO

A meeting at 11, today! Oh Crap! Project deadline

comes up at the meeting; I need some progress on

my work. I got about an hour.

Hero looks at the screen and starts typing. A middle aged

man stops by Hero

MIDDLE AGED MAN

Did you get the message? Another meeting!

I cant believe it, I hate it.

HERO

Because, they caught you napping at last meeting.

MIDDLE AGED MAN

No. I love meetings but that day I could not keep

my eyes open.

HERO


15/127

15

Why? You had better things to do the night

before?

Middle aged man leans forward to whisper.

MIDDLE AGED MAN

I got lucky the night before. I met a girl at abar. She showed an interest. She wanted to make

love to me.

HERO

A 50 year old girl?!

MIDDLE AGED MAN

Nope, A 20 something girl. Man, She was awesome.

You should hang out with me, I hook you up.

HERO

No, thank you. I dont want to get STDs.

MIDDLE AGED MAN

This is not India, she is clean, I think!!

HERO

I read an article a couple of weeks ago. A young

woman contracted HIV through promiscuous sex, She

is on a mission to spread HIV to as men as

possible as a revenge, youd better get some

tests done on yourself.

MIDDLE AGED MAN

You kidding me, right?

Hero makes a serious face and gestures the Middle Aged to

come close. Middle Aged Man leans forward close to Hero

HERO

Im serious. Get some test done.

Hero hears someone walking toward them. Middle Aged Man and

Hero look up to notice the Young Woman. The Young Woman

smiles.

YOUNG WOMAN

Are you guys coming to the meeting?

HERO & MIDDLE AGED MAN

Yes. Lets go

Young woman stands aside; Hero and Middle Aged Man turn and

walk in front. Young Woman follows them. Young Woman pulls


16/127

16

Heros shirt from behind. Hero slows down and turns his

head to see her, Middle Aged man walks alone in front.

Young Woman signals him to walk along with her. Hero waits

few seconds and walks along with her. She whispers in his

ears.

Young Woman

Why are you hanging out with him? Hes not a good

person. I dont like him.

HERO

(Whispering)

Do I need your permission?

Young Woman tweaks him. He screams silently.

Young Woman

I heard a lot about him. Hes going to get STDsone of these days.

HERO

What?

YOUNG WOMAN

STDs! You dont know STDs?!

HERO

Not friends with them.

Young Woman gives a cynical stare.HERO

STD, you mean a long distance call?

YOUNG WOMAN

STD means long distance call and ISD means

international call. I know that.

HERO

Then, what are you talking about?

YOUNG WOMAN

This STD is different. You get it from sleeping

with prostitutes or promiscuous sex.

HERO

Scary!!

Young Woman nods her head as yes. Hero raises his brows,

Young Woman nods again as double yes.


17/127

17

YOUNG WOMAN

Dont sit with him, sit right next to me.

HERO

Are you my mommy to protect me?

YOUNG WOMAN

No, but I think you are gullible.

Hero stares at her as she looks away. Hero leans toward her

and whispers.

HERO

What if Im a bad person too?

YOUNG WOMAN

Then, you get STDs too and most importantly I

avoid you.HERO

Oh! You avoid me! And... I should worry about

that, dont I?!

YOUNG WOMAN

You should.

The young Woman and Hero enter a meeting hall. Seats are

almost filled; Hero and Young Woman sit next to each other.

Young Woman notices Hero sitting next her and feels happy.


18/127

18


19/127

19


20/127

20


21/127

21


22/127

22


23/127

23


24/127

24


25/127

25


26/127

26


27/127

27


28/127

28


29/127

29


30/127

30


31/127


32/127

32


33/127

33


34/127

34


35/127

35


36/127

36


37/127

37


38/127

38


39/127

39


40/127

40


41/127

41


42/127

42


43/127

43


44/127

44


45/127

45


46/127

46


47/127

47


48/127

48


49/127

49


50/127


51/127

51


52/127

52


53/127

53


54/127

54


55/127

55


56/127


57/127

57


58/127

58


59/127

59


60/127

60


61/127

61


62/127

62


63/127

63


64/127

64


65/127

65


66/127

66


67/127

67


68/127

68


69/127

69


70/127

70


71/127

71


72/127

72


73/127

73


74/127

74


75/127

75


76/127

76


77/127

77


78/127

78


79/127

79


80/127

80


81/127

81


82/127

82


83/127

83


84/127

84


85/127

85


86/127

86


87/127

87


88/127

88


89/127

89


90/127

90


91/127

91


92/127

92


93/127

93


94/127

94


95/127

95


96/127

96


97/127

97


98/127

98


99/127

99


100/127

100


101/127

101


102/127

102


103/127

103


104/127

104


105/127

105


106/127

106


107/127

107


108/127

108


109/127

109


110/127

110


111/127

111


112/127

112


113/127

113


114/127

114


115/127

115


116/127

116


117/127

117


118/127

118


119/127

119


120/127

120


121/127

121


122/127

122


123/127

123


124/127

124


125/127

125


126/127

126


127/127

127

Date post:	02-Apr-2018
Category:	Documents
Upload:	zeeshan-ahmad
View:	220 times
Download:	0 times

a Crime Comedy Script

Documents