A Look at Horrible Middle School

Writing

The Ten Commandments of

Writing

Create Awesome Image Statements

A Look at Horrible Middle A Look at Horrible Middle School WritingSchool Writing

Ms. BrooksMs. Brooks

September 2007September 2007

Dr. IllogicalDr. Illogical

Year round school would not be Year round school would not be beneficial to teachers. Students who go to beneficial to teachers. Students who go to year round schools will become so smart year round schools will become so smart that they would no longer need to be that they would no longer need to be taught. Teachers would be homeless on taught. Teachers would be homeless on the street, and with no one needing to buy the street, and with no one needing to buy bulletin board borders, the city of Hoboken, bulletin board borders, the city of Hoboken, the world’s largest producer of boarders, the world’s largest producer of boarders, would collapse into financial ruin! Prevent would collapse into financial ruin! Prevent a second Great Depression by killing the a second Great Depression by killing the proposal for year round schools.proposal for year round schools.

The Extraordinarily Verbose The Extraordinarily Verbose Pupil (AKA: A Middle Schooler Pupil (AKA: A Middle Schooler with a Thesaurus)with a Thesaurus)

The infantile, debonair idol hurdled into The infantile, debonair idol hurdled into his automobile and treaded on the his automobile and treaded on the accelerator. The car staggered forward accelerator. The car staggered forward and sped away from the arena. Then, and sped away from the arena. Then, out of nowhere, the enemy ascertained out of nowhere, the enemy ascertained him and began shelling at him. Tiny him and began shelling at him. Tiny lead projectiles recoiled off the armored lead projectiles recoiled off the armored windscreen. How would he explain the windscreen. How would he explain the scratches to his male parental unit?scratches to his male parental unit?

The RamblerThe Rambler

George Washington, the father of George Washington, the father of our country, was very important to our country, was very important to the development of the Constitution. the development of the Constitution. Washington also had dental Washington also had dental problems. He had to have his teeth problems. He had to have his teeth replaced in later years with wooden replaced in later years with wooden dentures. Wooden dentures were dentures. Wooden dentures were first worn by the Pharos of Egypt. An first worn by the Pharos of Egypt. An interesting side note, Egyptian interesting side note, Egyptian embalmers pulled the brain out of a embalmers pulled the brain out of a corpse with a tool that resembles a corpse with a tool that resembles a coat hanger.coat hanger.

Mr. I’m Too Perfect to Mr. I’m Too Perfect to ProofreadProofread

Middle Schol is so easy. Middle Schol is so easy. I get A’s all the time, I get A’s all the time, witout even trying. My witout even trying. My easiest class be english. easiest class be english. Our teacher is so dum to.Our teacher is so dum to.

She Writes Like She She Writes Like She TalksTalks

Oh my God! Did u see Oh my God! Did u see what she was wearing! So what she was wearing! So embarrassing! Someone embarrassing! Someone should really tell her that her should really tell her that her butt looks so huge in those butt looks so huge in those pants. It’s, like, disgusting! pants. It’s, like, disgusting! She looks like a polish sausage! She looks like a polish sausage! C U L8R C U L8R

The Elementary School The Elementary School KidKid

Hello. My name is Bob, and I’m Hello. My name is Bob, and I’m going to tell you about dogs. I think going to tell you about dogs. I think thatthat dogs are better than cats. dogs are better than cats. I think I think this becausethis because I have a dog who can do I have a dog who can do tricks. She can catch a ball. I also tricks. She can catch a ball. I also have a cat. When I throw the ball to have a cat. When I throw the ball to her, she just gets hit in the head. her, she just gets hit in the head. This is why I don’t thinkThis is why I don’t think cats are cats are better than dogs. better than dogs. Thank you. The Thank you. The End.End.

Mrs. Can’t Make Up Mrs. Can’t Make Up Her MindHer Mind

Cupcakes taste good. I mean, at least Cupcakes taste good. I mean, at least I think so. They are good and sweet, I think so. They are good and sweet, except for the ones that get too old and except for the ones that get too old and turn green and smell sour. They can be turn green and smell sour. They can be dry if they are baked too long. Some dry if they are baked too long. Some people like them dry though, with crusty people like them dry though, with crusty sugar icing. So I guess it all depends on sugar icing. So I guess it all depends on taste. I thought I knew that cupcakes taste taste. I thought I knew that cupcakes taste good, but now I don’t know! Oh! Why good, but now I don’t know! Oh! Why does life have to be filled with all of these does life have to be filled with all of these choices? Who am I to judge cupcakes?choices? Who am I to judge cupcakes?

The King of CommasThe King of Commas

My God, Bones, why am I, My God, Bones, why am I, talking, like this? I know, as talking, like this? I know, as captain, of the Enterprise, I captain, of the Enterprise, I am entitled to, act how I am entitled to, act how I please, but, my God, I must please, but, my God, I must sound, like, an idiot.sound, like, an idiot.

Your TaskYour TaskReview the list of poor examples:Review the list of poor examples:

Mr. I’m Too Perfect to ProofreadMr. I’m Too Perfect to ProofreadThe RamblerThe Rambler

She Writes Like She TalksShe Writes Like She TalksThe King of CommasThe King of Commas

The Elementary School KidThe Elementary School Kid

Dr. IllogicalDr. IllogicalMrs. Can’t Make Up Her MindMrs. Can’t Make Up Her Mind

The Extraordinarily Verbose PupilThe Extraordinarily Verbose Pupil

Who are you?Who are you?

The Ten Commandments The Ten Commandments of Writingof Writing

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Start any paper with Start any paper with “Hello, my name is…”“Hello, my name is…”

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Use the pronoun “I” Use the pronoun “I” excessively.excessively.–Using “I” places the writer Using “I” places the writer in the text with the in the text with the reader, which is fine in a reader, which is fine in a personal narrative only.personal narrative only.

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Refer to the reader as “you.”Refer to the reader as “you.”– It can make the reader feel as It can make the reader feel as

though a sleazy used car salesman though a sleazy used car salesman wrote the paper.wrote the paper.

– Use the pronoun “you” to address Use the pronoun “you” to address your reader.your reader.

““You can see that Abraham Lincoln was the You can see that Abraham Lincoln was the 1616thth president. You probably already know president. You probably already know that he was also the president during the that he was also the president during the Civil War.”Civil War.”

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Refer to your own paper.Refer to your own paper.– ““In my paper, I will tell In my paper, I will tell

you…”you…”– ““As you have read in this As you have read in this

wonderfully written thesis…”wonderfully written thesis…”– ““I’m going to tell you I’m going to tell you

about…”about…”

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Repeat needlesslyRepeat needlessly Repeat needlesslyRepeat needlessly

–It makes you sound crazy.It makes you sound crazy.–It makes you sound crazy.It makes you sound crazy.

The chocolate was so good. It was just The chocolate was so good. It was just absolutely delicious; it was that good. It absolutely delicious; it was that good. It was so good; I wanted even more was so good; I wanted even more because of how good it was.because of how good it was.

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Use the phrase “I think Use the phrase “I think that…”that…”–““I think I gassed up the I think I gassed up the plane.”plane.”

–““I think that I fed the dog.”I think that I fed the dog.”

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Turn in a rough draft Turn in a rough draft dressed up as a final dressed up as a final draft.draft.–Revision is a must, and it Revision is a must, and it means more than copying means more than copying in ink.in ink.

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Speak informal English Speak informal English (Tarzan talk or chat (Tarzan talk or chat lingo)lingo)–““Me giv3 u book.”Me giv3 u book.”– ii– ur mi bffur mi bff

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Turn in an anonymous Turn in an anonymous paper.paper.–Give yourself credit for Give yourself credit for your work by putting your your work by putting your name on the paper.name on the paper.

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Conclude a paper with Conclude a paper with “The End.”“The End.”–Do you think the reader is Do you think the reader is going to keep looking for going to keep looking for more when the writing more when the writing stops?stops?

Your TaskYour Task

1.1. Place one hand on your heart.Place one hand on your heart.

2.2. Raise your pencil with the other.Raise your pencil with the other.

3.3. Read this pledge.Read this pledge.““I, (state your name), pledge I, (state your name), pledge allegiance to the Laws of Linguistics allegiance to the Laws of Linguistics and do promise to follow the Ten and do promise to follow the Ten Commandments of Writing in an Commandments of Writing in an effort to improve my written effort to improve my written communication skills and bring a communication skills and bring a smile to Ms. Brooks’s face.”smile to Ms. Brooks’s face.”

Thou Shalt Do ListThou Shalt Do List

Brainstorm ideas on what makes Brainstorm ideas on what makes great writing.great writing.

Get with a partner to expand your Get with a partner to expand your listlist

Share with the group to create a Share with the group to create a class list.class list.

Create Awesome Image Create Awesome Image StatementsStatements

Start with a subject and Start with a subject and an actionan action

dog growleddog growled

(subject)(subject) (action) (action)

Add a vivid adjective to Add a vivid adjective to describe the subjectdescribe the subject

The The menacingmenacing dog dog growled.growled.

Replace the verb with a Replace the verb with a more descriptive one, if more descriptive one, if possible.possible.

The menacing dog The menacing dog snarledsnarled..

Add a prepositional Add a prepositional phrase (where or when)phrase (where or when)

The menacing dog The menacing dog snarled snarled through the through the tattered chain link fence.tattered chain link fence.

Your TaskYour Task1.1. Choose one subject and one Choose one subject and one

action verb.action verb.2.2. Add an adjective to describe the Add an adjective to describe the

subject.subject.3.3. Replace the verb with a more Replace the verb with a more

descriptive one.descriptive one.4.4. Add a prepositional phrase Add a prepositional phrase

(where or when).(where or when).5.5. Presto…You’ve created your Presto…You’ve created your

image statement.image statement.

Thou Shalt NotThou Shalt Not

Use adverbs such as Use adverbs such as “excessively”…excessively.“excessively”…excessively.–Don’t overuse adverbs…Don’t overuse adverbs…

““Hey! Get your hands off my Hey! Get your hands off my notebook!” Billy screamed loudly. notebook!” Billy screamed loudly. He then slowly turned to his teacher He then slowly turned to his teacher and pleaded pathetically, “Please and pleaded pathetically, “Please don’t fail me, Ms. Brooks.”don’t fail me, Ms. Brooks.”