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A Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden - Smith · PDF fileA traditional Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden CAST...

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1 A Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden
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Page 1: A Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden - Smith · PDF fileA traditional Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden CAST LIST. ... as I have given up the boo’s for this pantomime! ... It's clear we're going

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A Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden

Page 2: A Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden - Smith · PDF fileA traditional Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden CAST LIST. ... as I have given up the boo’s for this pantomime! ... It's clear we're going

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A traditional Pantomime by Gavyn Lugsden

CAST LIST. Aladdin - Our Cheeky Hero Female Dame Widow Twankey - Aladdin’s long suffering mother Male Wishee Washee – Aladdin’s Brother Male / Female King Pea – Over protective father of Jasmine Male Princess Jasmine - The Beautiful Princess! Female So Shy – the Princess’ Maid Female Abanazar – Our Villain Male Genie of the Lamp – Genie Female Slave of the Ring Female Sergeant Pong Ping – Head of the Peking Police. Male / Female Constable Ping Pong Male / Female Constable Chop Stick Male / Female Constable Chop Chop Male / Female Stall Holders/Chorus etc. Male / Female ACT 1 Scenes Scene 1 A Path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p3 Scene 2 Peaking Market Square p4 Scene 3 A Path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p15 Scene 4 Widow Twanky’s Laundrette p19 Scene 5 A Path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p22 Scene 6 Inside Aladdin’s Cave p26 ACT 2 Scenes Scene 1 A Path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p28 Scene 2 Peaking Market Square p28 Scene 3 A path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p37 Scene 4 Widow Twanky’s Laundrette p39 Scene 5 A Path in Peaking – Front of Curtain p42 Scene 6 The Royal Palace p44 ACT 1 Songs Consider Yourself - Oliver Chorus p4 Somewhere – West Side Story Aladdin p6 I like Chinese – Monty Python Twanky p13 Everything I do, I do it for you – Bryan Adams Aladdin & Princess p17 Defying Gravity - Wicked Genie & Aladdin p26 ACT 2 Songs All Around the World – Disney Resort Chorus p28 The Song That Goes Like This – Spamalot Twanky & Aladdin p31 A Whole New World – Disney’s Aladdin Aladdin & Princess p35 I Just Want to Make Love to You – Various Twanky & Wishee p39 Ying Tong Song – The Goodies Twanky & Wishee p45 Thank You For The Music – ABBA Company p46

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ACT 1 - Scene 1 - A Path in Peaking Front of Curtain Abanazar Huh! What’s this..? Boys and girls..? Mums and Dads..? Do you know who I am..? I am the evil one they

call Abanazar, so give me a cheer..! Who dare boo me..? I am the most powerful, wonderful and handsome man in the world, Oh yes I am…!

AUDIENCE “OH NO YOU’RE NOT” X2 Abanazar Ah! Shut up! I’m far too busy too listen to you lot.

Nose of pig and eye of toad! One Big Mac and then explode…! Abracadabra. Shazim. Shazam. Make this ring magic, to help my plan. A PUFF OF SMOKE AND THE SLAVE OF THE RING APPEARS. Slave I am the Slave of the Ring. My magic powers are at your service. Abanazar Good, very good..! I am Abanazar…!

Slave Have a what…? Abanazar Abanazar…! Slave I have waited long for your arrival. Abanazar Yes. Sorry, there was a queue at the Post Office. Slave What is it that you desire…? Abanazar Bring me the Magic Lamp of Catmandoo…! Slave The Cat’s done a what..? Abanazar No you idiot, bring me the Magic Lamp of Catmandoo…! Slave Alas this is beyond my magic power, but I can tell you where the lamp may be found. Abanazar (Desperate) Where, where is the lamp…? Slave In a cave near Alicante. Abanazar (Starting to leave) Right then, I’ll go and get it now, it’s time to book my tickets with Queesy-jet…! Slave No! You can’t…! Only a direct descendant of the wizards who placed it there can find it…! So you know who

you must find…? Abanazar Harry Potter…? Slave No, only one such descendant lives…! His name is………Aladdin…! Abanazar Aladdin…! Does the boy know that he holds this special power…? Slave No sire, he does not. Only he can enter the cave. For others, it will mean certain death…! Abanazar So, Slave of the Ring, If I find the boy Aladdin the lamp will be mine? Slave Yes Lionel Blair...! Abanazar Abanazar! (aside) I will trick the boy Aladdin by pretending to be his long lost Uncle. (To Slave) So, tell me,

where does this boy live…? Slave He lives with his mother, a poor widow woman and his brother in the Imperial City of Peking.

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Abanazar Peaking…? That’s worth a look…! Alright, I didn’t write it…! I will leave at once (to audience) and you lot better stop booing me, as I have given up the boo’s for this pantomime…!

ABANAZAR EXITS. Slave Our pantomime, it’s just begun! So now’s the time to have some fun! Let’s go and hear the people sing! (Claps hands twice) Away at once to Old Peking! LIGHTS UP TO REVEAL MARKET SCENE, TOWNSFOLK ETC BEHIND GAUZE. CHORUS FROZEN WHILE MUSIC STARTS, THEN UN-FREEZE & GAUZE OPENS Scene 2 – The Market Square of Peaking

Chorus - All Consider yourself at home.

Consider yourself one of the family. We've taken to you so strong. It's clear we're going to get along. So welcome to Peking! Come stroll around. Look at the market place! There’s ever so much to buy

The stuff here can almost reach the sky

Solo 1 If it’s fruit you need or meat to feed

We can supply Plus the market people sing! If it’s veg you crave come on be brave And watch us wave! Yes, the Market Place, Peking!

All Consider yourself our mate.

We don't want to have no fuss! For after some consideration, we can state... Consider yourself one of us! REPEAT CHORUS

Solo 2 If it’s cheese you please that’s Pekinese

It’s not to tease We have nearly everything! And if you hope for soap or envelopes You know who copes! Yes, the Market Place, Peking!

All Consider yourself our mate.

We don't want to have no fuss! For after some consideration, we can state... Consider yourself! One of us! REPEAT CHORUS

Solo 3 If you want some toys, to make some noise For Girls and Boys Or a spicy chicken wing… If you wanna be fed, then use your head And buy some bread From the Market Place, Peaking!

SLAVE OF THE RING EXITS. THE CHORUS GATHER ROUND.

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Chorus 1 - Look everyone it’s Aladdin! ALADDIN ENTERS BSL Aladdin (To audience) Good morning everyone…! Oh that was a bit rubbish, come on, you’re here to enjoy yourselves

lets try again… Good morning everyone…! Yes I know it’s ten past eight in the evening there in Wing, but here in Peaking its ten past eleven in the morning… Anyway, my name is Aladdin and I am a very important person, in fact I am so important that they have decided to put my name on the front of the programme… How important is that…? (To Stall Holder 1) Good morning, and what are you selling today…?

Stall Holder 1 Watches… do you want to buy one…? Aladdin Does it keep good time..? Stall Holder 1 Yes of course, this watch is accurate twice every day, once at 9.26 in the morning and again at 9.26 in the

evening…! Aladdin (To stall holder 2) I hope you have something better to sell…? Stall Holder 2 Oh yes, I’m selling canaries… Aladdin Good, because I need to get myself a decent bird…! Are they expensive…? Stall Holder 2 Canaries expensive…? No, there’re going cheap..!!! Aladdin Even so, I’d still have to get them on higher perches..!!! Stall Holder 3 Here Aladdin, can I interest you in this nice new shirt…? Aladdin No, I don’t like the colour, it’s too brown… Stall Holder 3 Don’t worry, the brown colour will disappear once you wash it…! STALL HOLDERS EXIT Aladdin (To audience) I can’t buy anything anyway, I’m broke… it’s because we’re so poor… In fact we are so poor,

that there’s no decent food in our house. Here, you won’t believe this… You’ll never guess where my Mum does her shopping…? Aldi…! Isn’t that dreadful…? Anyway, I can’t grumble, not with all my friends around me… (To Chorus Girls) Morning Girls…

All Good morning gorgeous! Aladdin Girls, stop it please…! You’ll make me blush…! Chorus 2 Well, you make me faint every time I see you. Aladdin Now please no distractions… I need a plan…! Chorus 3 Why do you need a plan, Aladdin…? Aladdin Haven’t you heard…? There’s going to be a procession today through the city, and you know what that means

don’t you…? Chorus 4 All the roads are closed…? Aladdin (Laughing) No silly, it means that I can see the beautiful Princess Jasmine…! But the King has passed a new

law,.. Everyone must now bow their heads as she passes, so they can’t look at her. Chorus 5 Look at me then…! Aladdin Sorry, but I only have eyes for the Princess…! She is so beautiful. (Dreamily) I saw her once. I looked over

the Palace wall, and there she was... Chorus 1 Well don’t let the Police catch you doing that…! Chorus 2 Or they will report you to King Pea…

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Chorus 3 And he will cut your head off… Chorus 4 With a rusty blade… Chorus 5 Yeah, and all your blood will squirt all over the place and you brains will explode with mountains of pus and

goo, and then… Aladdin Eh, I think I have got the picture thank you. But don’t worry, I won’t get caught, I’m far too clever…! Chorus 1 You must really like the Princess, if you’d even risk your own life for her..! Aladdin Oh, she’s wonderful, and one day we will fall in love, get married, and I’ll be the Prince..! Chorus 2 A bit of a long shot, considering you’ve only seen her once and she doesn’t even know you…? Aladdin (Dreamily) No, it will defiantly happen, someday, somewhere, somehow… Song 2 Somewhere (West Side Story)

There's a place for us, Somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air Just you see, Somewhere.

There's a time for us, Some day a time for us, Time together with time to spare, Time to look, time to care, Someday! Somewhere. We'll find a new way of living, We'll find a new way of giving Somewhere.

There's a place for us, A time and place for us. Watch me now and I’m half way there. I’ll prove to you, and I'll take you there Somehow, Someday, Somewhere!

Chorus 3 How can you be so sure…? Aladdin I’ve read the script…! Anyway, has anyone seen my Mum or brother..? All No… Aladdin Oh, I’ve got something for them, it will really make them laugh. Look ALADDIN SHOWS THEM HIS WATER PISTOL Chorus 1 Wow, where did you get it…? Aladdin I found it just outside the market place, it’s good isn’t it…? Chorus 2 Does it work…? Aladdin Yeah, look (He squirts some on the floor) My Mum and Wishy Washy are going to love it. They love a good

joke. Chorus 3 What are you going to do…?

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Aladdin I’m going to creep up on them, and squirt them in the face..! Chorus 4 That’ll be funny… Chorus 5 But won’t they get all wet…? Aladdin Yeah, but they’ll love it, you wait and see… FANFARE Did you hear that…? This must be the King now, Oh no..! And he’s got the policemen with him, I’ll see you

later. Bye. (To audience) Bye everyone. ALADDIN EXITS BSL POLICEMEN ENTER - POLICE MUSIC (The Policemen enter blowing their whistles and miming hitting cast members over the head with their truncheons) Ping Pong Stand back everybody, make way for King Pea… Pong Ping Come on everybody, move aside and make way. Come on chop, chop. CHORUS EXIT IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS Chop Chop I’m coming. Pong Ping Where..? Chop Chop From there, to here, to you…! Pong Ping But I need you to be from here, to there, to them…! Chop Chop So you don’t want me to be from there to here to you, you want me to be from here to there to them..? Pong Ping Yes..! Chop Chop So why did you call me..? Pong Ping I didn’t call you… Chop Chop Yes you did, you said ‘Come on Chop Chop’, so that’s why I came. Pong Ping No cloth ears, I said come on chop, chop, not come on Chop Chop…! Chop Chop Well how’s was I supposed to know…? Chop Stick (To Pong Ping) The Market is clear now Sarge. Pong Ping Very good. Ping Pong please announce the King… Ping Pong Announce the King…? I don’t know what that means… Pong Ping Announce the King, you know, Introduce him… Ping Pong Who to…? Pong Ping Everybody… Ping Pong (To audience) Hello everyone, please may I introduce you to… (To Pong Ping) But he’s not here. How can I

introduce people if there not here…?

KING ENTERS BSL.

King For goodness sake, how long am I supposed to wait..?

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Pong Ping Sorry Your Highness, (To Ping Pong) Ping Pong, King Pea, Peking…! Ping Pong Ping Pong, King Pea, Peking…??? Chop Stick (To Ping Pong) Look, it’s King Pea and he’s waiting for you… Ping Pong (To King) Oh I am sorry, you are waiting for me…? King (Getting cross) Yes, I am waiting for you…! Ping Pong Can I have the menu then please…? King What…???!!! Pong Ping Sorry Your Highness (To Ping Pong) Now, stop showing me up, and introduce the King… Ping Pong (To audience) Ladies and Gentlemen may I introduce you to His Royal Highness King Pea of Peaking. (To

King) and may I introduce you to… the scruffy lot down there…! King Good morning mortals…! (To Pong Ping) I would like a chair… Pong Ping (To Ping Pong) Ping Pong, give the King a chair… Ping Pong Horray..!!! Pong Ping Not a cheer, a chair.. he wants a seat…! Ping Pong Well he should go to the toilet then… Chop Chop (To Pong Ping) Don’t worry there is a seat here. (Chop Chop takes a seat from behind the curtain and places it behind the King) King Thank you. Ping Pong Oh a seat.. I though you said something else… (looking for a chair) Where am I going to find a chair in the

middle of the market place…? (He notices the chair behind the King and removes it) Ah, a chair for the King. Chop Stick Horray…! Ping Pong Don’t you start..! Pong Ping Don’t worry Ping Pong, the King has a seat…! Ping Pong Oh, well he won’t be needing this then…! (Ping Pong sits on chair) King My Royal subjects as King, I… (Sits down – on floor)! Arrragh…!!! Pong Ping (Helping him up) Oh my goodness, are you OK Your Highness…??? King Yes, I think so… Who took my seat…? Ping Pong What, this one…? King Yes, that one… Ping Pong I don’t know… Chop Chop It wasn’t me, I was standing over there… Chop Stick Yeah I saw him, and I didn’t touch your chair, because… (thinking) I’m allergic to them… Pong Ping And I was stood right here Your Highness, so I couldn’t have move your chair…

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Ping Pong Well it defiantly, defiantly, defiantly wasn’t me because how could I move such a big chair, while I am holding this…!

Pong Ping Ping Pong, give it back… (Ping Pong returns the chair and the King sits down) King Now, what was I saying…? Chop Stick You were saying something..? King Yes, I was saying something… what was the last thing I said…? Chop Chop I remember Your Highness..! King Very good, well what was it..? Chop Chop (Clearing his throat) Arrragh…! That’s what you said…! King What a useless bunch of Policemen you are, I want you names, so that I can report you to your sergeant. Pong Ping Er, that’s not necessary Your Highness. I am the Sergeant of your police force. Sergeant Pong Ping at your

service. May I introduce you to my fine men…? King Fine men..Where…? (The police arrange themselves in a line) Pong Ping This is Chop Stick… Chop Stick Chop Stick at you service, serving you, King Pea of Peking, here at Pekings very own King Pea’s Peaking

Police..! King Very good…! Have you been practicing that..? Chop Stick Yeah, since flaming September…!!! King And who else have we…? Pong Ping Here we have Chop Chop… Chop Chop Here we go… Chop Chop at you service, serving you, King Pea of Peking, here at Pekings very own King

Pea’s Peaking Police..! King Not bad, not bad at all. And who is the last of your men, Sergeant Pong Ping…? Pong Ping This is Constable Ping Pong… Ping Pong (Goes to shake his hand) Nice to meet you…!!! Pong Ping And the rest… Ping Pong But I can’t say it as well as the others… Pong Ping Never mind that, come on the King is waiting… Ping Pong Do you think I should…? Pong Ping Yes…! Ping Pong Really…? All Yes…! Ping Pong (To audience) Shall I do it…?

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AUDIENCE REACT King Well…??? Ping Pong Here we go… (Takes a big breath) Constable Ping Pong at you service King Pea of Peking pecked a pick of

pickled peppers, a peck of pickled peppers Peking Police of Peking King Pea Picked…!!! King I’m sorry…? Ping Pong I’m not saying it again…!!!

King Never mind all that, I’ve just remembered what I was going to say. Now I’ve just passed something, what was

it…? Chop Stick The Post Office..? King No, no… I passed it just after lunch…! Ping Pong Wind…??? King No… However, I did pass wind after lunch, but that’s not what I am thinking…Oh yes, that was it, I passed a

new law…! Pong Ping We like new laws, what was it…? Chop Chop More homework for all the boys and girls..? Chop Stick No playing on your Wii or PlayStation at the weekend..? King No, no, no. There is to be a procession today through the streets of Peking. But nobody must look at my

beautiful daughter the Princess Jasmine, If they do I’ll chop their head off..! Chop Chop Chop their head off, for a first offence..? King Do I look like I’m joking..? All No Your Highness… King Well, I’m going now, I not only passed a new law today but I also passed a fish and chip shop called ‘Wings’

(To audience) Is it any good there…? I fancy some cod and chips… and maybe a battered sausage…! KING EXITS BSR Pong Ping Right, you heard what the King said, we have to clean the streets… CHOP STICK PRODUCES A BROOM.

Chop Stick Here you are Sir…! Pong Ping No you idiot, clean the people off the streets…! PING PONG PRODUCES A LOOFER. Ping Pong One loofer, as requested…! Pong Ping You three are complete idiots..! All Thank you Sir…! Pong Ping Get to work, the lot of you, Chop Chop you go left, right…? Chop Chop Left..? Right..! CHOP CHOP EXITS FSL Pong Ping Chop Stick you go right and make sure there’s no-one left..!

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Chop Stick Right, left. Right..? CHOP STICK EXITS FSR

Pong Ping Ping Pong, you need to be left here, right…? PING PONG EXITS AND RETURNS Ping Pong (Confused) How can I be Left, here and right…? WISHEE WASHEE ENTERS. Wishee Oh look it’s PC Plod , Hello, hello, hello. Ping Pong Do you know who I am..? Wishee Why, have you forgotten..? Ping Pong That’s quite enough of your cheek… Wishee But you haven’t had any cheek yet… Which one would you like, (Pointing to face) This one, this one (Turns

around and points to bum) this one or this one…? Ping Pong Right, I want your name boy…! Wishee Why, don’t you like yours..? Ping Pong I mean… tell me your name. Wishee It’s Wishee Washy… Ping Pong Wishee Whaty? Wishee Wishee Washee. I work at the palace laundry. Who are you…? Ping Pong Ping Pong of King Pea’s Peking Police…! Wishee Ping Pong of King Pea’s Peking Police, wow even I can say it…! Ping Pong Well, just behave yourself, because we are watching you. Wishee Ooooh, It’s just like Big Brother. Wishee to the diary room please…! Ping Pong So, why are you here, and not working in the Palace Laundry…? Wishee It’s so hot and sweaty in that laundry, and besides, it’s really boring… Ping Pong Surely it can’t be that boring…? Wishee Well, you do get to see everyone’s trousers, vests, socks and knickers…! Ping Pong Sounds great…! Wishee Yeah, you find out loads of stuff about people from there clothes… The other day one lady dropped her

washing off and she had 5 pairs of red, white and black knickers… and I found out that she supported Manchester United… The next day another lady came in with loads of pairs of knickers which were all blue and white…

Ping Pong Don’t tell me… Wishee Yeah, it turned out that she supported Chelsea….! The next day a woman called in and she didn’t have any

knickers at all to wash..! Ping Pong She obviously doesn’t like football…

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Wishee That’s what I thought, so I asked her, and she said that she loves football… Ping Pong So who does she support..? Wishee Arsenal…! Ping Pong I don’t get it…! Wishee No, neither did half the audience…! Ping Pong Anyway, I haven’t got time to stand here chatting, I have a City to protect and serve… Wishee See you then… PING PONG EXITS Those Peking police are a bunch of softies… (noticing audience) Oh hello, oh come on, you can do better than

that… Hello…! That’s better, in case you didn’t know, my name is Wishee Washee. I’m Aladdin’s older brother, it’s funny because I’ve always been his older brother. Right, before we carry on, I need to know all of your names, because you know mine now, and it’s only fair. OK, I want you all to shout out your names as loud as you can, ready…? My name’s Wishee Washee, what’s yours…? (Pretends not to hear anything) Have you done it yet…? Come on, you can do better than that…! My name’s Wishee Washee, what’s yours…? There that was much better…! Here, have you seen Aladdin…? He’s meant to be helping me in mother’s laundry. But he’s probably trying to catch a look at the Princess again…! He’s such a naughty boy…! You haven’t met my mother have you…? Oh crikey, here she comes now…! I better get going, because if she finds out I’m not in the laundry, they’ll be hell to pay…! See you later…!

WISHEE EXITS TWANKY ENTERS ON A BIKE, DOES A LAP THEN EXITS, CRASH SOUND, THEN RETURNS WITH A BIKE TYRE AROUND HER NECK Twanky Oh that’s the third bike I’ve ruined this week… (Seeing audience) Oh, hello everyone. My name is Widow

Twankey. I’m Aladdin and Wishee Washee’s mother. And yes gents, single, single, single…! My poor dear husband Frankie Twanky, tragically died in a train accident a few years ago. Bless him, he was trying to demonstrate how you can hear a train coming from miles away by putting you ear to the track… but it wasn’t a few miles away… What I would say is that he never did hear that train, but he certainly felt it…! My two boys were devastated, they were, but my husband… he was chuffed to bits…! I haven’t had a lot of luck with men since..! Or love. Do you know what love is…? Love is something that starts in Heaven and ends up in the News of the World…!

I’m not looking for a husband anymore. No, I’m just looking for a single man, I’m not too fussy. So I’ll just have a look around. Let’s have a look. Eric, can we have the house light up please…? That’s Eric on the lights… Eric Trision… Never mind…! (to first man) Hello, you’re handsome. (to second man) Ooh, you’re handsome. (to third man) Evening. (to forth man) And you’re handsome what’s your name…? Sorry…? No, I did hear you, I’m just sorry.

I want a man who will pick me up, whirl me round and drain me dry. I’d think I’d have more chance with my spin-dryer..! Anyway, you all know me, but I need to know a few of you here tonight, so if I call out your name, don’t forget to give me a big cheer…

TWANKY READS OUT A FEW NAMES/GROUPS FROM THE AUDIENCE Have any of you seen my boy Aladdin…? I’ve been looking for him everywhere. He’s supposed to be helping me in the laundry with his brother, Wishee Washy. We’ve got such a lot of work to do. All the washing for the Palace staff…! You should see the dirty socks..! 487 of them…! I’ll soon find the missing one…! Kiddies, don’t believe for a moment that your mother does the laundry. As soon as you go to school she gives me all the washing to do. Right, that’s enough of that, who want’s some sweets…?

CHORUS ENTER

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