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A SERIOUS COMEDIAN
A Play for Radio by
Aatish (Thuntwen)
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CHARACTER L!T "#R $A !ER#%!
C#&E'A
Hector Evans (Protagonist):*2 years old
(+oi,e- Clear. /ature. hint of 0ritish a,,ent)
(ob- Co/edian and riter)
SUPPORTING CAST
Pierre Modiano:32 years old ,lassi,al ,o/4oser5
(+oi,e- Hoarse and /ature. strong "ren,h a,,ent5)
Saant!a "ro#n:2* years old "e/ale5 eighbor to He,tor6s a4art/ent5
(+oi,e- Ty4i,al A/eri,an a,,ent)
$i%%ia He%%er: 78 years old 9l/ /a:er aggressi;ely 4ursuing the ser;i,es ofHe,tor5
E&TRAS
' C%aire Modiano- Pierre &odiano6s sister Ta*i Driver
+ C%,- Anno,ncer
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SCENE I: INT: APARTMENT: MORNING
HECT#R (#L#. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being
turned
HECT#R (#L#
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HECT#R (#L#
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HECT#R- :now who you are5 :now what you do5 e;en :now what you
want fro/ /e Heller5 a/ not interested in it5 # 4lease do not ,all /e
again5
!"=- Pone hung u4. footste4s. door o4ening5
SCENE II: INT: STAIR$A.: MORNING
!"=- "ootste4s
!A&- (+5#)
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HECT#R- #h Nthon 12OthA;enue
&%!C- &a,hito Tanga
!"=- !treet sounds as ba,:ground
HECT#R- (#L#
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!"=- 'oor Kno,:
PERRE- (#"") Entrez!t6s o4en
!"=- 'oor:nob turn. 'oor o4ens
HECT#R- BonjourPierre
PERRE- Ah? BonjourHe,tor need your o4inion on so/ething ha;e
written5 ould you ,are to listen@
HECT#R- Certainly
&%!C- Ballade pour lapres midi Aatish (PA#)
!"=- "ootste4s. refrigerator door o4ens. CA o4ens
&%!C C#T%E! (Total &usi, duration 81-83)
PERRE- t is not 9nished yet (CH%CKLE) what do you thin:@
HECT#R- ell thin: it is one of beauty and 9nd it originating out of
/4ressionisti, tradition? but. of ,ourse. it6s Just /y o4inion (#"") its
best laughed u4on5
!"=- !i44ing fro/ the CA
HECT#R- hat ,o/4ositional te,hniues did you e/4loy@PERRE- (LA%
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PERRE- hat did they say@
HECT#R- #nly they :now ha;en6t had the 4leasure of reading the
glorious literature5 (PA%!E) "a/iliariBe /e with /ore $Tigerism Pierre
&%!C- 0allade Pour l6a4res /idi (&usi, Ti/e 88-13)
SCENE /: INT: APT: MORNING
HECT#R- (#"") ('!TRE!!E' 'REA&) $&E'#CRT was substantial last
night5 $The "ire 'an,e in all its sub4ar glory failed to i/4ress the
unfortunate audien,e5 The feeling of disa44oint/ent was /ore than
/utual a/ongst the horri9ed ;iewers. it ;erged on unani/ous5 Talent
eists in this world but it is e;ident that He,tor E;ans has :e4t all his
talented eggs in a single fantasti, bas:et. (!H#RT PA%!E) C#&E'5 His
absen,e fro/ the world of ,o/edy has been felt by /any but if he
de,ides to rest his 4ens the world would not noti,e5
!"=- Large ,rowd laughing
!"=- !har4 !,ree,h
HECT#R- ( '!TRE!!) ooooo
!"=- !tu/bling. Clattering
HECT#R- (+5#) !to4 laughing? !T#P
!"=- 'oor o4ens loudly
!A&- esus Christ He,. what6s ha44enin6 (L#%') HEC
HECT#R- (H!PER
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!A&- Here? #4en u45
!"=- !i44ing
!A&- Are you a6right He,@
HECT#R- es
!"=- Loud !,ree,hing
!A&- (PAC) He, He, He,tor #h /y god
!"=- !obbing !a/
!A&- (#"") a:e u4 He, (PA%!E) wa:e u45
!"=- !obbing !a/ ("#R !%0!TATAL A%T #" T&E &A=&%&
81-88)
HECT#R- h? hat are? y? ou doing?here@
!A&- Hey555 Hey wa:e u45 a:e u45
HECT#R- h? hat ha44ened@
!A&- ou were s,rea/ing and?and !ha:ing and? 4assed out5 'on6t you
re/e/ber@
HECT#R- That6s all 9ne? but how did you get in and?w? why are you,rying@
!A&- ust showing ,on,ern He, t6s only nor/al after seeing all this.
you :now5
HECT#R!- #h this is not so/ething to ,ry about5
!A&- hat do you /ean@
HECT#R- t6s nothing5 6;e had it sin,e ,hildhood5 6/ used to the 4ainnow5
!A&- 0u? 0ut all that s,rea/ing and? and sha:ing@
HECT#R- othing to worry about here !a/antha5
!A&- !A& ("AT CH%CKLE)
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HECT#R- es !A& (PA%!E) ow 6/ sure you ha;e /ore i/4ortant
/atters to attend to5
!A&- Are you sure you6ll be a6right@
HECT#R- Positi;e5
!"=- "ootste4s. door o4ens
!A&- oh Al/ost forgot? There was a strange fella as:ing for you
yesterday@
HECT#R- "or /e@ ho@ here@
!A&- es He was outside the lobby as:ing e;eryone about you5 hat
was his na/e now ill? hat was it@ illia/ eh? u/ yes illia/
Heller5
HECT#R- (#L#
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SCENE /I: E&T: STREET:
E/ENING
!"=- !treet noises
LLA&- &r5 E;ans5
HECT#R- h? hat Heller@ Are you following /e@
LLA&- /eant to use /ore ,i;iliBed o4tions but you left /e with no
,hoi,e5
HECT#R- ell then you /ust be C+LE' enough to understand that
ha;e no interest in being of any ser;i,e to you or your intentions5
LLA&- All want fro/ you is the 4er/ission to /a:e a 9l/5 a/ ready
to 4ay you any a/ount of /oney you desire. 4lease Just say what will it
ta:e for your ,oo4eration5 a/ ready to /eet any de/and of yours5
HECT#R- f it is /oney desired would ha;e ,ontinued wor:ing at the
,lub. /a:ing 4eo4le laugh5
LLA&- ell then. hat is it that you desire &r5 E;ans@
HECT#R- Currently desire to be left alone to /y own de;i,es5
LLA&- ,an ,hange the 4eo4le6s 4er,e4tion of you &r5 E;ans5 (!H#RT
PA%!E) ,an ,hange the way 4eo4le loo: at you fore;er5
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HECT#R- And Just how do you 4ro4ose to do that5 LE!. "ATA!. CHEAT@
LLA&- o He,tor5 TR%TH5 ,an gi;e the/ the TR%TH
HECT#R- hat do you :now about the truth@
LLA&- #TH
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HECT#R- s there anything else@
!A&- o5 ish ,ould hel4 He,5
HECT#R- 0agels are :ind enough fro/ you 4lease don6t trouble yourself
any /ore5
!A&- ell? you ta:e ,are of yourself now5 ha;e to go5
HECT#R- ou too5 Than:s again for the bagels5
!"=- "ootste4s. door ,loses5
HECT#R- (#L#
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!"=- Loud grou4 laughter5
HECT#R- (+5#) "orefront of the fashion rebels5 E!
!"=- A44laud. Laughter
!"=- Laughter. Peo4le tal:ing
HECT#R- (#L#
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!"=- ews4a4er turning
HECT#R- (#L#
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SCENE &: INT: PIERRE0S APT:
A2TERNOON
!"=- PA# PLA the sau,e4an. the stea/. the fragran,e that ,a/e out t
was a real Joy
HECT#R- (REA'
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/arry her. now you say you won6t ? the de;il alone :nows whi,h5 et
you ga;e /e your word of honour !o you won6t /arry her. then@
HECT#R- (REA'
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HECT#R- (#L#
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LLA&- ATCH. CALL A' "#LL#
!"=- Tai door shuts
LLA&- %4town :ee4 going till tell you to sto45
!"=- Tai de4arts
SCENE &/I: INT: PIERRE0S APT:
E/ENING
PERRE- Another 4lay@
HECT#R- t /ight be a des4erate ,lut,h of the last straw Pierre but
will 4rodu,e another 4lay5PERRE- ou ha;e to sto4 He,tor5 !to4? 'on6t you see you6re stu,: in a
loo4@ hate;er you want eludes you. He,tor5 hile you 4ursue that
desire whate;er you ho4e to a;oid ,o/es to you5 ou need to sto4 and
reVe,t on this5
HECT#R- o Pierre. these are Just ideas and? and thoughts5 ,annot
sto4 /yself fro/ trying to a,hie;e what want for the fear of gaining
what do not5
PERRE- (L#%') #% CA !T#P5
HECT#R- (L#%') !T#P@ And do what Pierre@ 'o hat@
PERRE- (L#%')
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SCENE &/II: INT: $I11IAM0S O22ICE:
E/ENING
!"=- Phones ringing
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- es
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- here@
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- A6right5 Let hi/ :now he6s being followed5
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- 0o hi/ in to the alley5 'o not let hi/ into his roo/5
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- 6ll be there soon5
(!H#RT PA%!E)
LLA&- 'o you understand5 'o not let hi/ into his roo/5
!"=- Phone hung u4
LLA&- (A
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SCENE &/III: E&T: STREET: E/ENING
!"=- !treet sounds
!"=- 'ustbin against ea,h other
LLA&- ou little 4ri,:5
!"=- He,tor being held. !truggle
LLA&- need that story whether you li:e it or not5
!"=- Car horn
LLA&- ou thin: you ,an hide fro/ /e@
HECT#R- (!TR%
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&%!C- 0[la 0art\: !tring Yuartet o5 7 &o;5 3 (88- 18)
SCENE &I&: INT: APT: MORNING
!"=- Refrigerator o4ens. CA o4ening. !to;es being turned on. Coo:ing
sounds
(C#T%E !#%'!)
!"=- !to;es turned o>. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being
turned
&%!C- !uite fro/ !wan La:e. #45 28 !,ene Pas d]a,tion (A,t )
(REA' $ACT )
HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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X*nna gets up and danes per$etlyZ
HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'er /ental
trau/a5 He in the hos4ital now5 thin: they ta:e hi/ to the ,raBy
4eo4le Jail later5
HECT#R- &ental trau/a@ hat ha44ened here@
CLARE- The do,tor ,alled /e that Pierre went ,raBy and ,o/e here
fro/ "ran,e today5 ho are you@
HECT#R- a/ a friend of Pierre5 'o you :now whi,h hos4ital they too:hi/ to@
CLARE- o use5 They no allow ;isitors now5
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SCENE &&I: E&T: SU"$A.: NIGHT
!"=- Peo4le tal:ing
!"=- !A $THERE? THERE HE !
HECT#R- (!CREA&
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!"=- !A $Hey /an Are you o:ay@
HECT#R- h? ye5 es? a/ 9ne5 Than: ou5
HECT#R- (#L#
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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'
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HECT#R- (#"") (!CREA&. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being
turned
HECT#R- #il Pri,es? Again@? #h this is all Just so /onotonous5
!"=- He,tor throws the news4a4er away
!"=- Re,ord 4layer being used
&%!C- Ludwig +an 0eetho;en Piano !onata o5 17 in C !har4 &inor
Presto (&oonlight !onata)
!"=- "ootste4s
HECT#R- (#L#
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!"=- "or:s ,li,:ing
HECT#R- (+5#) &aybe need to buy a 4iano5 That6s it? A 4iano? or a
4ainting /anual? es That6s it? A 4ainting /anual? here will get
the /oney to buy a 4iano@ A 4ainting /anual? es
!"=- Chairs /o;ing
HECT#R- (#L#
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&%!C- !ergei Pro:o9e; Piano Con,erto o5 * in C. #45 2M The/e And
+ariations
HECT#R- (#L#
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HECT#R- &onotonous it /ay be but still hel4ful than all of you ,o/bined5
!"=- Pa4er turns
HECT#R- $ational ews hat6s ha44ening on this ,ountry of late@
!"=- !i44ing fro/ CA
HECT#R- $"rauds nabbed. $Parties in disagree/ent. $Co/4oser dies
!"=- Can 4ut down hea;ily on table
HECT#R- (TH !H#CK) Co/4oser dies
!"=- Pa4er rustle^
HECT#R- (REA'
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There shall you 9nd your old nest
"are thee well. lost soul. fare thee well
#n your /e/ories shall the days dwell
The dar: bird sings it6s gloo/y song
"or your soul shall we fore;er long
"are thee well. free soul. fare thee well
#n your /e/ories shall the days dwell
#ut of this world and then you6re free
hile those left behind drown in re;erie
"are thee well. dear friend. fare thee well
SCENE &&/: INT: APT: MORNING
!"=- !har4 s,ree,h
HECT#R- (PACK< 0%T H!PER
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!"=- Phone Rings
HECT#R- hu? huh
!"=- Phone Ring ,ontinues
!"=- "ootste4s
HECT#R- !to4
!"=- 'oor o4ens
!"=- Ta4 o4ens (Phone ringing in distan,e)
!"=- "ootste4s (Phone ringing sto4s)
HECT#R- !e;en? &orning
!"=- Phone ringins
HECT#R- How do get rid of you@
!"=- Phone ringing ,ontinues
HECT#R- #KA
!"=- "ootste4s (Phone ringing ,ontinues)
HECT#R- Hello
LLA&- Hello indeed He,tor5 ho4e you ha;e not forgotten /e5
HECT#R- ou6ll ha;e whate;er you want before the ti/e5 ow 4lease
sto4 ,alling /e5
!"=- Phone hung u4
HECT#R- (#L#
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!"=- 'oor :no,:
HECT#R- Already
!"=- 'oor :no,: louder
HECT#R- (#L# to this early@ (!H#RT PA%!E) He
/ust be in5
!"=- 'oor :no,:
!"=- 'oor Kno,: (fading)
SCENE &&/I: INT: APT: NIGHT
XThe following sounds rese/ble rando/. ;i;id and disturbing re,olle,tion
dan,ing around He,tor6s head during another one of his atta,:s5'ialogues are to be sounded in faded and $#"" /anner5Z
!"=- Heartbeat L#%' (REPEATE' THR#%
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!"=- $0agels. 6ll /a:e you su>er
!"=- 'oor :no,:s and 4hone rings together
HECT#R- ('L) o
!"=- $ou ,an sto4 He,tor. $ want the Truth. $Call /e !a/
!"=- !hort shar4 s,ree,h
!"=- 'oor :no,:s and 4hone rings together
HECT#R- !to4 it? !to4? Lea;e /e alone
!"=- Peo4le laughing and a44lauding
HECT#R- (!#00er
HECT#R- Hu/an tongue nooooo Cri/inal5
!"=- Rushing footste4s
!"=- !hort shar4 s,ree,h
!"=- Rushing footste4s
!"=- 'ishes ,lattering
!"=- $Hu/an tongue. $Cri/inals
HECT#R- !to4 it
!"=- !hort shar4 s,ree,h
HECT#R- Cri/inal?5
!"=- $'o it. $'o it
HECT#R- #KA
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!"=- Loud thud (fro/ He,tor fainting)
(*B-1L4TE -.LE/CE)
SCENE &&/II: INT: OUTSIDE HECTOR0S
APARTMENT: MORNING
!A&- (#"") es heard noises last night but when :no,:ed there was
no answer5
!"=- 'oor :no,:s
!A&- (#"") !ee you ,an6t hear anything5
!"=- 'oor Kno,:s
!A&- e need to bust the door o4en5 thin: so/ething terrible has
ha44ened here5
!"=- 'oor Kno,:s
!A&- 6/ telling you it6s no use5 Please let6s Just brea: in5
!"=- 'oor being busted o4en
!A&- here is he@
!"=- "ootste4s
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!A&- ou loo: in the bedroo/ and 6ll see the :it,hen5
!"=- "ootste4s
!A&- (!CREA&) #6 /y god Call S115 (!#00
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!"=- A/bulan,e arri;ing in distan,e
!A&- eah 6ll wait here5 They say he /ight wa:e u4 in an hour or two5
!"=-
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!A&- urse s he o:ay@ hy isn6t he tal:ing@
!A&- HEC He,tor E;ans why aren6t you tal:ing to /e@
!"=- "e/ale ;oi,e $He ,annot tal: now
!A&- hat@ hat do you /ean he ,an6t tal:@
!"=- 'oor o4ens
!A&- He, warn you not to torture /e so /u,h5 Tell /e what6s going
on@
(HECT#R #PE! H! %TH)
!A&- (!%RPR!E') hat in the? hy did you do this He,@
!"=- !A&ATHA sobbing
!A&- (!#00
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Hos4ital yesterday after being found un,ons,ious in his a4art/ent by his
neighbours5 #ne neighbor !a/antha brown said $ heard disturbing
noises fro/ his roo/ and he didn6t answer /y :no,:s5 et day we
bro:e into his roo/ and he was in the :it,hen un,ons,ious5 There was
blood all around hi/ and he was holding a :nife5 The do,tors at !t5
ohn6s hos4ital said that the reason behind the in,ident was 4urely4sy,hologi,al5 'r5 &ar;in Ai:on. the ,hief surgeon treating He,tor E;ans.
said $The body was ad/itted at M- *2 P& and was with a se;ered
tongue5 He,tor E;ans has regained ,ons,iousness but outsiders. well
wishers and /edia ha;e largely been :e4t out fro/ ,onta,ting hi/5
!"=- 0ang (fro/ illia/ banging on his des:)
SCENE &&&I: E&T: CENTRA1 PAR4:
MORNING
!"=- 0irds ,hir4ing
!"=- Peo4le tal:ing
HECT#R- (#L#
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THE END