ANTON J. VELDSMAN

A STORY OF THE FALLEN

The thistle

Tears of the thistle

Never seize to flow

Inside, all the seed

Of this graveyard flower grow

Pick it by hand

The fingers pricked

The pain is felt,

The thistle weep

The thistle

In its morbid face

Trapped and forever still

Memories of cold days

In the pages of winter’s diary

AJ.Veldsman

©2013

Powerless

Together in the dark

Only God has the answer,

Of where we are

You and I,

falling, down the edge.

The world is a strange place,

When no one is waiting,

Within your heart.

Respect the ashes of my burned dreams

Blown away – echoes in the wind.

The message has been sent, consumed by my vision.

We will be alright.

My broken wings, now powerless

How can angels live?

In never ending darkness

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

Scorpio

Driven by a force

Soldier of despair

Overwhelmed by passion

Misery the only friend

They say they know

And that they understand

What is the real truth?

They know nothing about me...

Pure at the start, then pain arrived, a new scar everyday – I don’t want it anymore,

A dreamer non-believer

A poet

A romantic

A drifter

A sad mothers’ son.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Poison

Misery

Oh, so sweet to me

It is giving me all the tears

And I feel

All the pain at first hand

Long lost words

Still have power, it is breaking me

Like a new day, it always holds

So much promise

Unable to keep

The feeling of joy

Shallow hope feeding poison

To the health of my emptiness

Nothing better like an empty soul

Memories of old

A negative replay – of the things I had.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Blood upon the wall

Fill me; drown me in your blood, nothing sacred here, only death is watching us.

My heart erupts, pieces lost, never to find my smile again.

In my dreams I pin you to the wall, and wait until time itself is gone.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Edge of the fragile

Believe in myself

Because no one will

Live my dreams alone

They took my idea and made it their own

They talk too much of what they know nothing about

They drug my mind

Trying to find what I hide

The chainsaw in my teeth will grind their bones to grains of dust

Welcome to the circle of thee alone

Their eyes only see purity

They don’t notice me

Again I’m left aside

Soon I will lose control and rip your skin

Just to see you bleed like animals.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Misery reverse

Look at me

I have gone crazy

All the clowns look at me

No one is laughing

But I’m happy

Its’ been long

Since my last smile

Can there be a hope that survived

The pain kept me down, but the struggle made me strong

Pieces of a forgotten life

Now all fall into place

My shadow pause

Waiting for the next eclipse

My misery reverse, I outlived this curse

And the sun will forever shine

Even though if it’s just a dream in my mind.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Bound In Blood

My hands are numb

The light is out

The fun is gone

Hold my breath

Forever cannot be that long

Carry the mark

Carved into my skin,

Like the names of lovers

On an old trees’ bark

A million dreams and stars apart

Love is our chain

Keeping us tied to a dead world consumed by hate

The scars on our hands and feet are bleeding

We pull to be free, our souls bound in blood.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Letter to heaven

Pay the price

Everyday

What have I done?

I just want to live

Baring the name of evil

Not by choice – but by blood

My mother told me so

I see no hope

My life, not mine to control

I am trapped in the abyss

Far from my saviours sight

Coldness in my hands

All I touch breaks in decay

I am a curse without reason

I breathe the cold damp air

Therefore I am

From your image

A symbol of your grace

I am misery and from the devils womb

I know my fate

Waits in the dark corners of heavens tomb.

AJ. Veldsman

© 2013

Cross the Mind

Nothing is what it seems

We are all blind to its decay

Time is the father to all our dreams

The crosses we bare are the gods in whom we believe

The divine that we never see,

Can we really trust the words in a book?

History tells us we must

Thou will be done

Someday is never

No one we know came back – no proof to show

In this our faith is based.

Build on ideals of old men, (they kill and rape)

Behind the cloth

All in the name of the holy cross

Who is a saviour these days?

We all lack the urge to fight.

No use to kneel and pray

At the end

It is not god but us that have to pay.

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

The dirty and the unkind

Dancing with my shadow

Misery my night time mistress

Hand in hand with her head on my chest

We move over the floor like fallen autumn leaves

The moon our candle light

Outside this room darkness wait

Like a wounded beast hungry for revenge

Together we shall be when daylight comes

Like two children lost in the woods.

I want to believe

In you and me,

With winters chill and heavens holy word

I resisted you for many years

Time took everything from me

And as the sun gives way

My solitude takes control

I put my best face on

My final night

She takes my life

With one last kiss

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

CLOSURE

I was afraid of the dark

The loneliness overwhelming

The music fading

Slowly the images of you drift away, like the last summer breeze.

I miss your touch on my hand, and in my life.

What have become of us?

Has hope lost all hope?

My heart bleeding for this life

The path we chose seems to be heading nowhere.

Dead like those final words you said.

I cut the rope

Time does not heal

Holding on to a dream too long

It is just a slow suicide.

I let you go

Even if you did long ago

I will forget your smile with time

My last goodbye,

The sun is gone, I’m moving on.

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

Autumn Child

Passing of the seasons

Changed your face

Mortal we are in nature’s race

Your hands have healed so much

All is in your debt – is it not strange…

…How quick one forgets?

Time is no one’s friend

All we can do is accept defeat

And bow to you

A doorway to winter

Every time something new

Made from you, part of your flesh

A love so bold

Safety found within your arms

Your hand on my face

Your touch is cold

Will the impact of your rain make me hurt?

Or will your chill grasp tear me apart?

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

Eyes in Africa

my eyes

upon the present

what I see today

will be gone tomorrow

a place abandoned by god

a place where your life,

is worthless to the evil at hand

my eyes

upon the past

what I saw yesterday

is dead today

a place tortured by men

a place where blood,

is the economy of the rich and corrupt

my eyes

upon the future

in my dream

we are free

from this darkness of Africa.

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

Apart hate

My name tells my history

My skin is what defined me

The slave who felt the whip

Now force the blade

Drenched in my forefathers blood

Never to stop until we are dead

We took their world

We turned this earth of dust and stone

To a place we called home

We too were driven to survive

The hate will forever keep us apart

300 years gone in a day

We made it all, now we are made to lay it down

Woman and child witness to the horror

Raped and murdered for a man made war.

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

FAITH…FILTH…FATE

Faith in nature

Faith in man

Faith in God

Faith in blood

Faith in deliverance

Faith in the future

Faith in love

Faith in myself

Nature, dying

Man, obsolete

God, forsaken

Blood, spilled

Deliverance, lies

Future, apocalypse

Love, destroyed

Myself, faithless

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

A STORY OF THE FALLEN

I find myself alone

Each time when there is a storm

What have I done?

Why is everyone leaving, when the first drops fall?

I am a man from this earth

Yet I feel like I don’t belong

Is being different really so wrong?

Time holds the answers,

Will I ever know?

Standing in the wind and rain

Broken down and decayed

The god I had is gone

He left me a note in stone

You will suffer unto thee

What I thought to be a rose was a thorn.

The life I dreamt about will never be

Illusions play so many tricks on me

After awhile it doesn’t matter

The blood on my hands is from another.

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

DIG

I’m a shadow to all around me

Turned into a whisper

I hide myself in the night

Hoping that the darkness won’t find me

Small my problems seems to you

Easy to judge when everything goes your way

Violent is my summer and cruel is my winter

No remorse from what you call a god

I’m alone in my war

Turn the soil inside out

Find the centre of my pain

Dig every moment away

Sorrow has buried me

Kiss from the night

Left her scar on me

My eyes tell my story

A broken memory

A shattered mirror of history

I am here for nothing

Life has forsaken me

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

MY DISORDER

I hate this feeling

Nervous all the time

Never free from this hold

Waiting for the silence to be broken

Sunday afternoon

I already dread the sight of the moon

Coldness creeps up on me

Like a thousand little fingers

It pokes at me

I want to cry yet I do not know why

Things is not as bad as yesterday

Or is this the effect of hopelessness

I feel so lost and out of control

I can never seem to get things right

Too afraid to sleep

Uncertain about tomorrow

I always say I hate routine

Now I miss it

I need stability

I am losing my mind

And the voices in my head agree

AJ. Veldsman

©2013

The Dark Divine

You judge me

How am I suppose to feel

When I open up myself to you

This is my heart I share

You turn a cold shoulder

To the person I am

You chose me

Yet I am not good enough

My tears is your victory

All I ever did, I did for you

My body bleeds

From all the cuts

Of the words you spiralled down on me

Lost in my own circle

Sometimes I hate you

Most of the time I love you

I’m not confused as you say

I am more complex than that

From the ashes I will rise

To commit my soul again

To you my dark divine

AJ Veldsman

©2013

Tired

Sometimes I wish this life away

I am tired of everything

No matter how I try

Nothing is the way it seem

I did not ask for this life

Yet others would give anything

To have just one more day

I am weak

And I am frail

I was born into this hell

What god would let a child live in pain?

Yes I hate and it does not go away.

Wish I knew

Why my life is so grey

What is the reason for my struggle?

Have I not done enough?

And still people ask me

“What is wrong with you?”

AJ Veldsman

©2013

Shadow love

My city burn

My heart is empty

It is for freedom I yearn

They took my light away

Yet the fresh memory of your lips

Brings collective calmness to my troubled mind

Like a ghost your presence linger still

Nothing I attempt can make this feelings go away

In silence I wait for the time to say goodbye

I want this night to end

As the darkness fail to gain further strength

The road to salvation becomes clear

With the breaking of daylight upon my face

The shadows of doubt disappear

I shall lay my hand on yours again

The storm of a broken heart

Does not simply fade

And I will not disappoint you again

AJ Veldsman

©2013

BROTHER

By blood we are bound

In name we are proud

I would have no other

To call my brother

As the days grow black upon mankind

History will tell stories to the blind

The world has gone mad with hate

Politicians decide our fate

When darkness hides the path

Trust a familiar voice

Time gives no other choice

In the face of death we laugh

As night skies turn into day

We are still alive in violent roar

The enemy bombs closer than before

Our boots deep in blood and clay

We march to our end

Our graves awaits in the trenches ahead

With anxious hearts we crave more

This will be a great war

AJ Veldsman

©2013