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Nupur Kh
adilkar and A
Alex Kacvinksy
A
M
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Str
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retc
agaz
ch o
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of
e
1
2 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
In memory of
Billy Pilgrim
3 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Table of Contents
Letter from the Editor – page 4
Breaking News 1 – page 5
The Meaning of Time – page 7
Have some Fun – page 8
Advice Column – page 9
Have some fun – page 11
Humans at War – page 12
Breaking News 2 – page 14
Answers to Fun – page 15
4 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Letter from the Editors
After reading Slaughterhouse‐Five, by Kurt Vonnegut, we came across the idea of writing
and publishing articles in a magazine from the Tralfamadorians point of view. Throughout
Vonnegut's entire book, it is written through Billy's eyes. We figured we would change that,
so that all of you can understand the Tralfamadorian side of the story more.
This is the first "Stretch of Time Magazine" (the first edition). There will hopefully be
more editions to come. This first edition consists of feature stories, an advice column,
professional analysis, as well as fun interviews. We will cover everything ranging from
abductions to murder to time to philosophy.
We hope that this new perspective will give you a new way of looking at things and
broaden your understanding of Slaughterhouse‐Five.
We hope you enjoy.
Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinsky
Co‐Editors
5 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Breaking News: Human Captured
Reporter: Zelda B.
He knew we were coming for him. How? We still have absolutely no idea. But he was
there waiting for our arrival. Had Billy Pilgrim, an optometrist from New York, discovered
our undercover reporter we had sent to Earth to track his every move? Maybe that was how
he knew we were planning his kidnapping.
On the night of the abduction, we were informed that Billy Pilgrim had been shuffling
around in his house waiting, because he knew he was about to be taken away by a flying
saucer. Our undercover reporter states that Billy was getting quite anxious and impatient.
He had been going through his kids rooms and getting mysterious phone calls, which turned
out to be a drunk who had dialed the wrong number. He even uncorked a bottle of dead
champagne.
He was getting more and more impatient. Somehow, he knew that he had an hour
before we arrived in our saucer to kidnap him.
Billy Pilgrim wasn't scared at all when he heard our saucer hover over the ground. He
was expecting it. It was as if he was just giving up. The strange thing is, he knew exactly
what to do once our saucer came closer and made an owl song. We hovered over Billy and
enclosed him in a cylinder of purple light, which was coming from the portholes around the
rim of the saucer. The bottom of the saucer opened and a ladder fell out. Billy somehow
knew that he was supposed to hold onto the bottom rung of the ladder and he was then
pulled into the saucer.
Since we operate in very different ways than those Earthlings, Billy was lost. Luckily,
we have a system that we devised a method in which we can communicate with Earthlings
like Billy. It is a computer and a kind of electric organ that makes every Earthling speech
sound.
When we began communicating with him, our differences really began to show. The
first question he asked us was, “Why me?” We thought it was very strange of him to ask
that, so our response was, “Because this moment simply is.” Our different philosophies of
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7 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
The Meaning of Time
Today, I, Hallor X, had the opportunity to interview the great Tralfamadorian professor, Dr.
Blastorf. Dr. Blastorf has spent his life studying time, fate, and particularly how humans view
the aspect of “time.” I was lucky enough to have him answer a few questions I had for him.
H: So professor, everyone is wondering one thing, who is truly right about their view on
time. Humans or Tralfamadorians?
Dr. B: Good question Hallor, well I believe that humans view on time is just different. They
believe they always have a choice. As if the bombing of Dresden or death is something that
happens on accident. Obviously some saw through this illusion, such as the great author Kilgore
Trout or our very own human Billy Pilgrim. Even our other human Montana Wildhack seemed to
understand how time is just one big stretch, with different moments being relived at all times.
H: Interesting professor, do you think that humans themselves have the capability to see
time as it truly is?
Dr. B: Another good question. Humans aren’t even capable of seeing all seven sexes, therefore I
don’t know if their perception of reality is truly developed enough to see time as it truly is.
Again, some humans seemed to grasp it, such as Billy Pilgrim, but he had no true control over
time. His fate didn’t allow him to ever fully grasp how to master time.
H: I agree, I mean how can someone think there are only “two sexes”? It’s ridiculous.
Alright, so what do you think of the human’s view of time? That they have the ability to
choose their fate and time goes in chronological order?
Dr. B: I think it is a very…creative view on time, but also very fictitious. What I fail to
understand is if people had control, why would stupid decisions such as war be made? The
bombing of Dresden took tons of innocent lives, and do you really think humans would make
those decisions? It was their fate, and that is why it happened. I do believe their theory to be
interesting though. You know, it’s weird to think that
H: That is true, but maybe some humans have true evil inside of them, what do you think?
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9 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Advice Column – questions are answered by Mallory Q, a
Tralfamadorian advice columnist
1. So, Billy has been rambling off about these Tralfamadorian creatures. Since I saw
found this opportunity to ask a Tralfamadorian a question, I figured I'd take it. So,
here goes. I'd like to figure out for myself whether you are actually real or not, so
would you mind describing your philosophy to me?
One of the main things we live by is the idea that events have already happened
and we simply live in the moment. Tralfamadorians can choose the moment they
want to “relive” and visit any time they would like. There is no past, present, or
future. Every person still has birthday’s and a specific date they died, but there is still
the notion that time has no limits. We can see the future, since time has already
occurred, but unfortunately, we can’t influence what we see will happen. One of our
strong beliefs is to focus on the happy moments in life. We do not get disappointed
with tragedies of life because we simply choose to live in happy moments and not
dwell in the sad times. This gives us a constant optimistic vision of life. I suggest that
you do not even attempt to understand us, because we are too much for you little
Earthlings to understand. Because of our different views about life, we will
understand you, but you will never even begin to understand our complex, but
simple, world.
2. Billy has told us a lot about your view of time and living in the moment. I have heard
different ideas relating to living in the moment and focusing on the good. Could you
please explain what you think about violence?
I am genuinely sorry if you are not satisfied with my answer, but it is simple. We
ignore it. We ignore violence and focus on the good times. That is why living in the
moment is so special. We Tralfamadorians think that you Earthlings should learn to
ignore the awful times and concentrate on the good ones. But then again, we don’t
10 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
even live in any one time. We live in the moment, since we believe that time is not a
linear thing. We believe that there will always be war on Earth, even after we have
tried to convince you all that focusing on the good is better, since you Earthlings are
designed that way (very stubborn). We simply bypass important things like wars and
deaths.
3. What is your view on free will? On Earth, people have different opinions, but I was
wondering what you think?
Free will doesn’t exist. Tralfamadorians are fatalists. We do not believe in free will
and we believe that everything that happens is fate. Humans have an “illusion of free
will.” Free will is on earth because you Earthlings believe that time progresses in a
linear fashion, rather than how we see it. In our fourth‐dimension world of
Tralfamadore, time has already occurred and we simply live in the moment. We
believe that every single person’s life is already planned out for them. We also believe
that no one has control over their own life, or the events that will take place in their
life. You humans are very silly creatures. You think that things that happen to you are
caused by the choices you have made in your life. This should explain why we believe
that free will is non‐existent.
4. What is your honest opinion of Billy Pilgrim? Do you enjoy his presence? Or is he just
an outcast in your society?
Honestly, Billy Pilgrim doesn’t fit in. He is an Earthling. We are Tralfamadorians. There
is your answer. We are different. The only reason we have accepted him into our
community is so that we can learn more about your planet (Earth). We are very
interested in learning about Earth and Billy is our connection, therefore, we must
accept him. This may be hard for you to take, but we must look out for ourselves and
furthering our knowledge of Earth will help us succeed in the long run. Billy Pilgrim is
just our connection to Earth, once we have gotten the information we want, we will
slowly begin to push him away and not let him return to Tralfamadore.
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12 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Humans at War
By: Dr. Placmor
World War II? What is a World War II? I, Dr. Placmor, agreed to write an article for A Stretch of
TIME, to fully analyze bloodshed between humans. Is there a purpose? Do they have a reason?
So this whole war started with Adolf Hitler trying to narrow the population down to the
“perfect race”, which isn’t even possible because humans can’t even see in the fourth
dimension, so a “perfect human” is an oxymoron. I today am taking the challenge to write
about one specific aspect, the bombing of Dresden. It will be challenging, there is nothing
intelligent to say about a massacre, but I think after re‐living the experience a couple times I
fully grasp it.
Americans tried to protect those that aren’t perfect, but only provoked the ferocious beast that
is Germany. When the innocent get hurt, things get serious. If only humans could understand
that death is solely an unpleasant moment in time, but that’s a whole different topic. If humans
could truly understand that violence wasn’t the answer, there wouldn’t be conflict. There is no
point in conflict, since time is just one big stretch and everyone will depart from each other
eventually.
I personally decided to travel to slaughterhouse‐five post‐bombing to get some of the soldiers’
opinions. They believed they were having a hallucination, which played to my advantage. One
soldier in particular had a very strong opinion on the war.
“I believe that Germany is being stupid…you…hand?” said Edgar Derby, imprisoned soldier, “I
think it is a great idea for the U.S. to ally with Russia, and if Germany doesn’t think that violence
is definitely not the solution. Also there is no perfect race, regardless of‐ Oh a teapot! I will keep
that for myself.”
He got a bit distracted, but there is one human who knows what he is talking about. I decided
to collect another opinion from a nameless soldier.
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14 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
Breaking News: Captured Human Assassinated
Our Tralfamadorian reporter has given us an update from the field. You guys surely remember Billy
Pilgrim, the Zoo’s biggest exhibit. Well, he has been assassinated by a high powered laser gun. After
months in captivity with our other star, Montana Wildhack, he was planning on revealing the secrets of
our beloved planet to the earth, before he got killed by a psycho with a high powered laser. The laser
killed Billy Pilgrim on impact.
We asked other humans on the scene about Billy Pilgrim, here are some responses:
“The guy is a nut!” said Bill Johnson, 58, “I am glad he got killed before a riot broke out and every started
trying to ‘travel through time’.”
“I think his vision was beautiful, eye opening even,” said bystander Susan Johannson, “It’s always the
great ones that are killed too early.”
Clearly reactions about Billy’s brief by memorable words of wisdom were very mixed. Regardless, I think
a high powered laser is a bit too opinionated. But it’s not like he had a choice, we are all subject to our
own fates, his was just a bit stranger than most. Billy on the other hand isn’t too affected; death is just
an unpleasant moment anyways. I am sure he is living another great moment in his life as you read this.
We also decided to sit down with some friends of Billy, talk question them about what they thought of
him. First we have Montana Wildhack, someone who shared the zoo exhibit with Billy himself.
“I don’t think he deserved to die,” said Montana, “He always had so many stories to tell me, always
something different. He was a traveler, and his travels molded him into a great person.”
Hmm, who knew porn star Montana had a heart. Well clearly she felt something for Billy Pilgrim,
whether it is intimate or something more. We also spoke with Valencia, before her death.
“Billy, what a sweet man,” said Valencia, “why are you having me say something about him?” She clearly
didn’t grasp the whole “time is a stretch” concept.
“For future use,” our reporter said, to avoid any strife regarding the assassination. Despite Billy’s closed‐
off personality, he had at least two personal relationships that strived.
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16 Nupur Khadilkar and Alex Kacvinksy
So it goes…