Across Kent Issue 12 July

Across Kent is Environmentally

Friendly

IN THIS ISSUE

For: Property ~ Vehicles ~ Food ~ Recruitment ~ Entertainment ~ Classifieds ~ Personals

To Advertise Tel: 0844 588 7611

Issue 12 July 2010 www.acrosskent.co.uk

Last Few Remaining Houses

available at Brompton with

Orbit See them on

page 8

It’s a Sadio Show Fabio! After all our hopes and dreams die. England Failed...Again!

I don’t think anything else needs to be said. Well except, has anyone got a spare £12m please? Oh he’s staying!

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page 20

2 Please Mention Across Kent When You Call Our Advertisers 0844 588 7611

Published by: Across Kent Limited Sales Telephone: 0844 588 7611 Address: 32 Bu ckthorne Road, Minster on Sea, Kent. ME12 3RP Email: info@acros skent.co.uk Web: www.acr osskent.co.uk Produced: Maximum Period Betwe en Issues 1 Month

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It's a hot day and I hate my wife. We're playing Scrabble. That's how bad it is. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble. I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman. My letters are crap. I play, appropriately, BEGIN. With the N on the little pink star. Twenty-two points. I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. Clack, clack, clack. I hate her. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I'd be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something. She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. 30 points. She's beating me already. Maybe I should kill her. If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. That would be a sign. That would be permission. I start chewing on my U. It's a bad habit, I know. All the letters are frayed. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U. As I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I'll finish her off. My rack spells MIHZPA. Plus the U in my mouth. Damn. The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window. I can hear buzzing insects outside. I hope they're not bees. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat. She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. 24 points plus a 50 point bonus. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now. I am getting sweatier. It needs to rain, to clear the air. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. Another 22 points. I hope she has lousy letters. She tells me she has lousy letters. For some reason, I hate her more. She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning. It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. This is why I hate my wife. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the

air conditioning unit. I find this remarkably satisfying. She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. Clack clack. Clack clack. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again. The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. My heart is beating. I'm sweating. I think my face actually twitches. Then I sigh, deeply, and sit back into my chair. The kettle starts whistling. As the whistle builds it makes me feel hotter. She plays READY on a double-word for 18 points, then goes to pour herself a cup of tea. No I do not want one. I steal a blank tile from the letter bag when she's not looking, and throw back a V from my rack. She gives me a suspicious look. She sits back down with her cup of tea, making a cup-ring on the table, as I play an 8-letter word: CHEATING, using the A of READY. 64 points, including the 50-point bonus, which means I'm beating her now. She asks me if I cheated. I really, really hate her. She plays IGNORE on the triple-word for 21 points. The score is 153 to her, 155 to me. The steam rising from her cup of tea makes me feel hotter. I try to make murderous words with the letters on my rack, but the best I can do is SLEEP. My wife sleeps all the time. She slept through an argument our next-door neighbours had that resulted in a broken door, a smashed TV and a Teletubby Lala doll with all the stuffing coming out. And then she bitched at me for being moody the next day from lack of sleep. If only there was some way for me to get rid of her. I spot a chance to use all my letters. EXPLODES, using the X of JINXED. 72 points. That'll show her. As I put the last letter down, there is a deafening bang and the air conditioning unit fails. My heart is racing, but not from the shock of the bang. I don't believe it - but it can't be a coincidence. The letters made it happen. I played the word EXPLODES, and it happened - the air conditioning unit exploded. And before, I played the word CHEATING when I cheated. And ZAP when my wife got the electric shock. The words are coming true. The letters are choosing their future. The whole game is - JINXED. My wife plays SIGN, with the N on a triple-letter, for 10 points.

I have to test this. I have to play something and see if it happens. Something unlikely, to prove that the letters are making it happen. My rack is ABQYFWE. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. I start frantically chewing on the B. I play FLY, using the L of EXPLODES. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of rising up from my chair. Waiting to fly. Stupid. I open my eyes, and there's a fly. An insect, buzzing around above the Scrabble board, surfing the thermals from the tepid cup of tea. That proves nothing. The fly could have been there anyway. I need to play something unambiguous. Something that cannot be misinterpreted. Something absolute and final. Something terminal. Something murderous. My wife plays CAUTION, using a blank tile for the N. 18 points. My rack is AQWEUK, plus the B in my mouth. I am awed by the power of the letters, and frustrated that I cannot wield it. Maybe I should cheat again, and pick out the letters I need to spell SLASH or SLAY. Then it hits me. The perfect word. A powerful, dangerous, terrible word. I play QUAKE for 19 points. I wonder if the strength of the quake will be proportionate to how many points it scored. I can feel the trembling energy of potential in my veins. I am commanding fate. I am manipulating destiny. My wife plays DEATH for 34 points, just as the room starts to shake. I gasp with surprise and vindication - and the B that I was chewing on gets lodged in my throat. I try to cough. My face goes red, then blue. My throat swells. I draw blood clawing at my neck. The earthquake builds to a climax. I fall to the floor. My wife just sits there, watching.

By Charlie Fish Death By Scrabble


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04 COROLLA T3 1.6 3DR IN GREY FSH 43K A/CON £ 5295

54 ASTRA CLUB 1.6 EASYTRONIC AUTO 5DR A/CON 31K £ 5295

54 307 S 1.4 5DR ELEC BLUE A/CON 18K FSH £ 4995

03 PEUGEOT 206 CC 2.0 5SP LEATHER A/CON SILVER 53K FSH £ 4995

05 SCENIC EXPR 1.6 5SP A/CON 38K £ 4995

55 MEGANE DYN AUTO SILVER 55K A/CON £ 4995

53 FIESTA 1.4 GHIA DURASHIFT AUTO 5DR 38K FSH AQUARIUS £ 4995

54 307S 1.6 3DR SILVER 35000MLS A/CON £ 4995

02 YARIS VERSO GLS 1.3 AUTO SILVER A/CON 53K FSH £ 4995

06 C3 L 1.1 5DR IN ELEC BLUE 33K 10NR £ 4995

02 PEUGEOT 206 CC AUTO 1.6 59K A/CON FSH £ 4995

53 FIESTA BLACK 1.4 3DR 2ONRS 50K FSH LEATHER £ 4995

04 ZAFIRA LIFE 1.6 5SP ULTRA BLUE 53K £ 4995

55 CORSA 1.2 ACTIVE EASYTRONIC AUTO 22K £ 4995

05 HONDA JAZZ S 5DR 5SP IN SILVER 47K £ 4995

04 307 1.4 ENVY 5DR 5SP 2ONRS A/CON 32K FSH £ 4995

04 VECTRA DESIGN 2.2 AUTO 5DR 54K £ 4995

52 YARIS CDX VVTI 1.3 5DR AUTO A/CON FSH 27000MLS £ 4995

56 HYUNDAI MATRIX GSI 1.6 5SP 23000MLS A/CON £ 4995

54 ASTRA 1.6 CLUB 5SP 40000MLS £ 4995

04 VECTRA LS 5DR 1.8 2ONRS 49K A/CON £ 4795

05 PICASSO LX 1.6 5SP PAS 15000MLS £ 4695

04 SCENIC EXP 1.6 5SP A/CON GLASS ROOF 48K £ 4595

54 YARIS T3 1.0 3DR SILVER 29K PAS £ 4495

55 CORSA BREEZE 1.2 5DR EMBER RED 31K A/CON £ 4495

54 FIESTA LX 1.2 3DR TONIC 2ONRS 35K £ 4495

02 JAGUAR X TYPE 2.1 5SP SILVER 2ONRS 91K FSH £ 4495

54 CORSA LIFE 1.0 5DR EASYTRONIC AUTO 29000MLS £ 4495

53 ZAFIRA ACTIVE 1.6 5SP 45K A/CON £ 4495

04 TINO SE 1.8 5SP IN GREY FSH 45K A/CON £ 4495

53 ZAFIRA 1.6 DESIGN 5SP MIDNIGHT BLUE 40K £ 4495

52 ZAFIRA COMFORT 1.6 5SP POLAR SEA BLUE 66K £ 4295

53 MERIVA ENJOY 1.6 CLASSIC GRN A/CON 42K £ 4295

56 CLIO CAMPUS 1.2 3DR 1ONR 58K £ 4295

02 COROLLA T3 1.4 5DR IN SILVER A/CON 59K FSH £ 4295

52 ZAFIRA COMFORT 1.6 5SP SILVER FSH 41K £ 4295

54 JIMNY 02 SOFT TOP 1ONR 25K £ 3995

53 206 1.45 3DR SILVER 31K FSH A/CON £ 3995

56 CLIO CAMPUS 1.2 3DR 31K FSH £ 3995

04 MAZDA 2 S 1.2 5DR FSH 1ONR 48K £ 3995

X FREELANDER XEI 5DR 5SP IN SILVER 1ONR LEATHER 49K FSH £ 3995

52 CIVIC S 1.4 5DR 68K A/CON FSH £ 3995

51 ZAFIRA CLUB 1.6 5SP POLAR SEA BLUE A/CON 50K £ 3995

55 KA STYLE PEPPER RED COLOUR CODED 50K £ 3995

04 CLIO 5DR DYN IN SILVER 35K A/CON £ 3995

52 FOCUS GHIA 2.0 5DR 5SP 2ONRS INK BLUE 69K FSH £ 3995

52 MEGANE SCENIC FIDJI AUTO A/CON 65K £ 3995

53 FOCUS ZETEC 1.6 3DR SILVER A/CON 1ONR 74K £ 3995

51 YARIS GLS 1.3 5DR A/CON PAS FSH 65K £ 3995

Y COROLLA 1.6 GS AUTO 5DR A/CON 1ONR 23000M/S £ 3995

02 FOCUS ZETEC 1.6 AUTO SILVER 46K 2ONRS £ 3995

03 CORSA SXI 1.2 5DR EASYTRONIC AUTO 24K FSH £ 3995

02 PEUGEOT 307 LX HDI 2.0 5DR 2ONRS 66K A/CON £ 3995

52 HONDA CIVIC COUPE 1.6 5SP 2ONRS A/CON 75K FSH £ 3995

06 TACUMA SX 1.6 5SP IN BLACK 13OOOM/S A/CON £ 3995

56 KA IN BLACK 1ONR 34K £ 3995

04 FOCUS ZETEC 1.6 5SP 5DR 79K £ 3995

52 FOCUS CHIC 1.6 3DR LEATHER 58K £ 3995

53 PICASSO DESIRE 2 1.6 IN BLACK 1ONR FSH 66K £ 3995

53 VECTRA LS 5DR 1.8 A/CON 76K 2ONRS £ 3995

03 MEGANE DYNAMIQUE 1.4 3DR IN SILVER 63K £ 3995

51 ZAFIRA COMFORT AUTO 1.8 IN SILVER 60K £ 3995

N MERCEDES E220 AUTO COUPE FSH 73000MLS £ 3995

56 KA STYLE IN SILVER COLOUR CODED 16600MLS £ 3995

02 FIESTA LX 1.4 5DR AMPORO 1ONR FSH 48K A/CON £ 3795

02 FIESTA 1.4 GHIA 5DR (NEW) IN BLACK 59K £ 3795

51 COROLLA GS 1.4 5DR 43K A/CON £ 3695

02 CORSA SXI 5DR IN SILVER FSH 71K £ 3695

03 MICRA E 1.0 3DR PAS SILVER 2ONRS FSH 37K £ 3695

02 FOCUS ZETEC 1.6 PEPPER RED 67K FSH £ 3495

02 FOCUS 3DR ZETEC 1.8 PEPPER RED 56K FSH £ 3495

52 206 STYLE 1.1 3DR IN BLUE 23000MLS £ 3295


ALL CARS & VANS

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7 DAYS - 24 HOURS

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For Service, Parts, Bodyshop & Repairs Tel: 01795 664329

01795 661380 Email: [email protected]

New Road, Sheerness, Kent ME12 1NB

AUTHORISED DEALER

For New & Quality Used Car Sales & Hire From An

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Call: 01795 661380

POMPHREYS 0800 146 039 VAUXHALL - NOW SERVING MEDWAY

Fantastic Deals

All Enquiries Welcomed

POMPHREYS VAUXHALL THE BUYERS CHOICE FOR YOUR

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FIRST CLASS INSTRUCTION WITH FULLY QUALIFIED INSTRUCTORS.

Based in Eltham (London), ECOL School of Motoring offers

manual and automatic driving lessons to learners and potential driving instructors (PDIs) throughout South East London.

Contact now for fantastic rates on: Tel: 0208 851 6213

Mob: 07771 544 795 ~ Email: [email protected]

www.ecolsom.co.uk

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openers or simply repair your existing garage door,

AKLASS AUTOMATION are the right people to contact

Telephone NOW on: 01634 313821

FREE QUOTATION

We cover the whole of the South East

Over 10 years experience


FREE REGISTRATION

If you own or run a restaurant, take-away or some other eatery, then we would like to invite you to register on www.foodacrosskent.co.uk.

Across Kent is aiming to make www.foodacrosskent.co .uk the most popular website directory of eating establishments in Kent.

So take 5 minutes out of your busy schedules to reg ister please. Thank You.

.co.uk

London Road, Teynham, Sittingbourne, Kent. ME9 9PS

01795 521330 Fine French

& English Cuisine

www.fabricerestaurant.co.uk

Visit our Restaurant for a mouth watering treat and a thoroughly

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Only Fresh Produce Serv ed for a Gourmet Delight

Le Restaurant Fabrice


The Angel The Angel The Angel The Angel 14th Century 14th Century 14th Century 14th Century

Village InnVillage InnVillage InnVillage Inn

01732 842117

Located on the Addington Village Green Traditional Pub, Restaurant &

Bed and Breakfast Function Room ~ Rear Garden

Live Music every Friday evening & Every second Wednesday evening

Traditional & Modern Cuisine Set 2 or 3 Course menu

Mon to Friday From £11.00


Lime Tree Restaurant

10 The Square, Lenham, Maidstone, Kent ME17 2PQ

T: 01622 859509

E: [email protected] W: www.limetreerestaurant.co.uk

The Restaurant Offers an impressive array of European cuisine.

Open seven days a week, serving lunch, dinner and afternoon tea including a traditional Sunday lunch menu.

Lime Tree is renowned for its commitment to only the finest cuisine, we pride ourselves on serving the best of England, all fresh and local Kent produce.

We are committed to ensure your dining experience is truly memorable. Head Chef Riccardo Isolini.

The Place Overlooking the leafy square of Lenham, in the oldest Medieval Village of Kent, The Lime Tree on the Square mixes vibrant modern accents with its oak-beamed 14th-century surroundings to create a smart, cozy and welcoming restaurant.

Our Choice for that

Special Night Out


*LUNCH*

Monday - Saturday £6.50

Children under 10 £4.00

Take Away £3.90

(12:00noon - 5:00pm)

*DINNER* Monday - Thursday

£9.50 Friday - Saturday

£10.50 Children under 10

£6.00 Take Away

£4.90 (5:30pm - 10:30pm)

SUNDAY SPECIAL

WHOLE DAY £8.50

Children under 10 £5.00

Take Away £5.00

Menu for dinner and all day Sunday includes Crispy Ducks,

King Prawns, Squid etc (12:00noon - 10:30pm)

We are open 7 days a

week Including

Bank Holidays

Visit our website at: www.orientalbuffet.co.uk

Over 50 exotic Oriental dishes plus Indian curry dishes

FREE DELIVERY For orders over £10.00 within 3 miles radius

10% DISCOUNT UPON COLLECTION

TAKEAWAY SERVICE AVAILABLE

Tel: 01303 227356

18 - 20 RENDEZVOUS

STREET FOLKESTONE

KENT. CT20 1EY Restaurant & Bar

Chinese

Malaysian

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Indian

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PAYNES MENSWEAR - The Big Mans Shop size 2xl to 7xl

Clothes for large & tall men for every occasion, from Swimwear to Dinner Jackets, dress with pride! New Autumn/Winter stock just arrived.

Shoes and Trainers size 12 to size 15 plus extra wide fit. Gift Vouchers available from £10.00. 104 Station Road, Sidcup, Kent DA15 7DE

Tel 0208 3023802 Monday to Saturday 9am to 5pm. Free parking at rear.

Specialists in Baby and Children's Christening, Bap tism, Wedding, Naming Day, Communion & Special Occasion Wear. Offering a large range of

stunning occasion wear, shoes, accessories & gifts.

• FAST DELIVERY! Items in stock delivered in 24 - 48 hours. Collection

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Your One Stop Wedding Shop

Needles and Pinza 212 - 214 Bexley Road,

Northumberland Heath, Erith, Kent.

DA8 3HD

01322 341777

Bridal & Bridesmaid Wear Men’s Formal Hire Silk Flowers

Wedding Car Hire Bridal Accessories Alterations Service

We don’t work for you, we work with you...

Plus Plus Plus... Needles and Pinza Haberdashery

01322 349837 Our haberdashery department for all your knitting and sewing needs, and alterations service. We look forward to seeing you very soon.

www.needlesandpinza.com / [email protected]

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Across Kent Issue 12 July

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