ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP: MOBILIZING FOR CHANGE

Module 1 Purpose and Possibility

4 HOURSIn partnership with

WELCOME TO +ACUMEN COURSES! We created +Acumen to give people a meaningful way to add Acumen to their lives and our online courses are a new way to do just that.

We want to share what Acumen is learning in the fieldour knowledge and insights, and perhaps more importantly, the values and principles underpinning our approach with more people around the world. Were focused on changing the way the world tackles poverty and building a world based on dignity but we understand we cant do this alone. It will take all of us.

With 8+ years of experience running our flagship Acumen Global Fellows Program (http://acumen.org/leaders/global-fellows/), we see an opportunity to use online tools to scale the impact of our traditional leadership development programs so that even more emerging leaders can gain the skills and networks they need to improve the lives of people around the world. And even if youre not focused on poverty alleviation, we think the skills and tools covered in our courses are valuable to emerging leaders in any sector looking to drive change.

Youre joining a community with tens of thousands of individuals from 170+ countries who have already participated in a +Acumen course. We want you to take what you learn at +Acumen and apply it in your own way. Innovation could come from anyone, and we believe that the world truly needs you to lead.

This is your invitation.

ABOUT ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Adaptive Leadership is a practical leadership framework developed by Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky at the Harvard Kennedy School. Adaptive Leadership is designed to help individuals and organizations through consequential change in times of uncertainty when there are no clear answers. It is based on a view that leadership is an activity, not a person, and that leadership can be exercised by anyone, whatever their role inside or outside of the organization.

At Acumen we believe that Adaptive Leadership is a critical skill. Changing the way the world tackles poverty is an adaptive challenge. We are thrilled to be working with Cambridge Leadership Associates (CLA) to offer this free introductory course.

The world needs you to lead. This is your invitation.

4WELCOME TO +ACUMEN COURSES

Kind of WorkPurpose & Possibility (Module 1)

Problem & Solution DefinitionIdentify the Challenge (Module 2)

Locus of WorkMap your Stakeholders (Module 3)

Type of WorkPractice a Courageous Conversation (Module 4)

Course Learning Objectives

As part of the course, you will bring a current challenge you are up against. Presumably, you will describe something from your work life, but it could also be from your personal, civic or community life. You will work to make progress by:

Discovering a sense of your own leadership capacity and building more effective skills for impacting change

Understanding the differences between the technical and adaptive elements of your challenge

Defining your key stakeholders and how to mobilize them to address the challenge

Learning a structured approach to gain constructive feedback from a peer group

Practicing a Courageous Conversations in preparation for addressing your challenge

Course Overview Journey

This Course is for You

You will get as much out of this course as you put in. We have asked you to bring a challenge to this course so you can learn the tools of Adaptive Leadership by actively applying them to your everyday reality. Because this is an introductory level course we will not be able to cover all the concepts of Adaptive Leadership. But we hope that the tools we share will help you to make some progress on your challenge.

Discussion Groups

This course is designed as a peer-learning experience. In order to make this work, we recommend a group of at least 2 and no more than 6 people. You can read through this curriculum by yourself but the real learning happens through discussions with your group. We recommend forming in-person groups coworkers, friends or others taking the course in your city. If you have a good internet connection, a virtual group could also work.

Structure

Course content will be delivered over the internet. Once the course starts, you will have access to pre-readings/videos to watch/activities for all modules. Please download the materials and go through the preparation activities before meeting (either in person or virtually) with your discussion group. Each group is expected to meet (in person or virtually) once per module to discuss/debate the pre-work/watch a video/ participate in an activity together depending on the module.

Discussion Leader

For each module, a different member of your group will serve as the discussion leader. This person will be responsible for reviewing the readings/videos and the discussion guide thoroughly before the group meeting so that they can lead the discussion and activities.

The discussion leader will also organize your group to bring required supplies for each module. You should coordinate with your group to schedule who will be the discussion leader for each module at the start of the course.

We understand that some people are stronger facilitators than others but we believe facilitation skills are an important component of any effective leaders tool box; therefore, we like to give everyone practice facilitating at least one group discussion. If youre new to facilitating check out the tips for good facilitation weve put together on pages 6 and 7. If youre one of those people with great facilitation skills then let them shine and support your group members who may be newer to this by providing tips and constructive feedback when its their turn.

Time

Youll need about one to two hours of prep work for each module to prepare for your group discussion. Each group activity (including discussions) is scheduled to take about two hours.

Calendar

You should plot your group meeting on a calendar with your group. Can everyone commit to attend all of the sessions? If not, mark dates that members might miss and plan accordingly or reschedule

Ahas

At Acumen, we have a practice of sharing Ahas on a regular basis. It is a way to reflect on an experience and to gain more insight into the world and yourself. An aha moment is a moment of clarity, a moment that touched you, challenged you, or possibly even changed you. They can be big or small moments, funny or sad, surprising and inspiring. Each one is unique, personal, and we think, worth saying out loud. Youll be asked to participate in this practice of sharing ahas at the end of each group discussion and we encourage you to share these with the greater global group on the course Google+ community.

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If you do not have a Google+ or Gmail account

1. Go to https://www.google.com/

2. Find the red box that says sign up at the top right corner.

3. Fill in the required information and register for a Google account.

4. Once you are logged into your Google account, click on +(your name) that appears at the top left corner of your screen. For example if your first name is Jessica, it will appear as +Jessica.

5. Once you have reached your Google+ profile page, you can either upload your picture by clicking Snap a photo/upload an image or simply move on by clicking on the blue box that says Finish.

Now that you have an account/already had a Google+ account

1a. Click here and Ask to join the Adaptive Leadership community. The full URL for the community is http://bit.ly/AdaptiveLdrshipCommunity.

1b. Or Look for a button that says Home at the top left of your Google+ profile page. Scroll down the menu until you reach Communities in green. Click on it. Within the box that says Search for communities, type in Adaptive Leadership. Click on the button that says Ask to join this community.

2. Wait for an email confirming you've been accepted into the Google+ Community.

Take a few minutes to orientate yourself to the Google+ community

1. When joining the Adaptive Leadership Community, you must read the About this community section on the community home page. Please be sure to also read A word from our legal team. We know the legal stuff isn't exciting, but it's important.

2. IMPORTANT: Since this is a private community, the default notification setting is ON. If you don't want to receive an e-mail every time someone posts to this community. Click the Notifications bell OFF.

3. Browse the various sections of the Google+ community under All posts. You can view comments posted by previous course participants as well.

Some categories that you might find useful include

Tips for Google+ Community

Questions: for the community

Questions: for +Acumen

Find a group

Optional

We have established a Google map to visualize who is taking this course around the world. The link to the Google Map of course participants (http://bit.ly/Adaptive-Map) and guidelines for how to participate in this dynamic map is posted under the category Map Who is taking this course? from the Google+ community page.

Participate in the Google+ Community

We created a Google+ community to help you see what other groups are doing with the course and share what youve been up to too. Use this community to continue your discussions online and explore the perspectives of your course mates from around the world. Depending on your familiarity with Google+ we've outlined how you can sign up to participate.

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Provide a safe space for the group to share At times the group discussions may become difficult. People may share experiences that are particularly painful or scary. Acknowledge at the beginning of each meeting that this is meant to be as open a conversation as possible. It is also wise to ask everyone to verbally affirm what is said in the space stays in the space.

Open with a Check In The Check In is the initial phase of a meeting and is really independent of the module content. The purpose of this is to bring everyones focus into the room and establish the discussion boundaries, so that right from the start you can be clear on how everyone is feeling that day and what to expect from each other.

One technique is to go around the group and ask everyone to rate on a scale of 0-100% how present they feel. Are they only 75% present because they had a bad day at work and are still mulling over what their boss said? Or are they 100% present because theyve been looking forward to this discussion all day.

Encourage storytelling people love stories and they are far more likely to remember information they hear in a story than as a recitation of facts. Encourage your group mates to share their stories, and share your own. Opening up and a willingness to be vulnerable will often create a greater willingness in your group mates to reciprocate and share their own stories. It builds an atmosphere of mutual trust.

Allow each participant to come up with the answer themselves These discussions are not intended to feature a lecture. Instead, your goal as the facilitator is to help participants and yourself to find your own voice within the discussion. You dont need to provide the solutions. Everyone in your group has access to wisdom and can help teach each other as well as teach you. A good facilitator helps find those with the seeds of wisdom in the room and allows them to grow. The key is not to judge, not to impose your own opinions and not to dominate the conversation.

Improvise Facilitation is not about following the script. While we provide a series of topics, questions, and activities, let the conversation guide the group. Feel free to add your own questions or explore ancillary topics and lines of discussion. You all have your own experiences, knowledge, and wisdom that will enhance these discussions. Use these topics as a starting point, and make the conversation your own.

Dealing with difficult group dynamics There will be times when you will be faced with challenging situations, either from individuals or from the group. If you can learn to embrace these situations, and work with them, they can be powerful experiences for learning and growth. The following, taken from The Facilitators Guide to Participatory Decision Making by Same Kaner, gives some typical challenges, with suggestions for how to deal with these.

Tips for effective facilitation

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Problem Common Mistake Effective Response

Highly vocal member dominates discussion

Trying to control this person excuse me XXX do you mind if I let someone else take a turn?

If one person is overparticipating everyone else is under-participating, so focus your efforts on the under-participators and encourage them to participate more. Ask: How do the rest of you feel about this? or break into smaller groups.

Fooling around in the midst of a discussion

Trying to organize by saying ok, everyone, lets get refocused.

Aim for a break as soon as possible. People become undisciplined when they are overloaded or worn out. After a break it will be easier to re-focus.

Low participation by entire group

Low participation can create the impression that a lot is getting done quickly, so the facilitator assumes that things are going well and does nothing.

Change from large group open-discussion to something else, like idea listing, or working in smaller groups.

Two people constantly having a personal battle

Focusing on two individuals and trying to resolve conflict. A lot of time can be wasted trying to resolve conflict between two people who have no intention of agreeing.

Reach out to other members and ask who else has an opinion on this? or lets step back a bit are there any other issues that need to be addressed. Remember dont focus on the dominant minority, but on the passive majority.

One or two silent members in a group whose other members participate actively

XXX, you havent said anything yet. Whats your view? Can make the person feel put on the spot and so retreat further into silence.

Break into small groups, to allow the quieter members a greater chance of speaking up.

Minimal participation by members who dont feel involved/interested in the particular topic

Ignore it, and act as though silence means consent. Be thankful that they are not making trouble.

Look for an opportunity to have a discussion on Whats important to me about this topic? Have people break into small groups to discuss. This gives everyone a chance to consider their own stake in the outcome of the discussion.

Quibbling about trivial issues/ procedures

Lecture them about wasting time. Have the group step back from the content and talk about the process ask them what is really going on here?

Someone becomes strident and repetitive

At lunch, talk behind the persons back. Confront the person during the break, and then be surprised when you see their anxiety go through the roof when you resume.

People repeat themselves because they dont feel heard. Summarize the persons point of view until s/he feels understood. Encourage participants to state the views of the group members whose views are different from their own. People just want to feel heard, not necessarily that everyone must agree with them.

This document contains all the materials you will need for this module:

WELCOME TO ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP:Mobilizing for change

Objectives:

Get an overview of Adaptive Leadership

Articulate your purpose and motivations for taking this course

Begin to define a challenge that you will use during the course

Become familiar with the course format and get to know your group

EXERCISESDo this with your discussion group

Estimated time: 1.52 hours depending on your group size

Pages: 1317

PREPDo this on your own before meeting with your group

Estimated time: 1.52 hours depending on your reading speed

Pages: 912

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 9

Context

Adaptive Leadership is the practice of mobilizing people to tackle tough challenges and thrive. At Acumen, we believe that Adaptive Leadership is a critical skill needed to change the way the world tackles poverty. We are excited to be partnering with Cambridge Leadership Associates (CLA) to offer this introductory course. This is a practical course where we will introduce you to some of the core tools of Adaptive Leadership by having you apply them to make progress on a leadership challenge you are facing.

We will learn together by

Applying the ideas to a real challenge

Using each other as resources to collectively problem solve

Read and Reflect (1 hour)

Read: The Theory Behind the Practice Chapter 2 in The Practice of Adaptive Leadership. (http://bit.ly/ch2ALdrship)

This is a long piece (37 pages) and an important introduction to the concepts of Adaptive Leadership. We recommend that you read the whole document and if you are short on time, focus on the highlighted sections.

As you read, think about:

What are some of the most adaptive organizations, communities or people you have seen or read about? In your view, what makes them adaptive?

What types of resistance to change have you seen in yourself or in others? Why do you think that people want to maintain the status quo?

Think of when you experienced a change initiative in your past. What pain, distress or conflict did you witness or experience during the change process? Do you have a high or low limit of tolerance? How do you know when you have reached your limit? What work avoidance techniques or patterns have you seen within your organization?

1.52 HOURSPREP

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 10

Prepare your leadership challenge (1 hour)

As part of this course, you will need to identify a leadership challenge to work on. The course content will be most useful if the challenge you identify is adaptive in nature. If three or more of the Adaptive Flags below apply to your challenge, you are on the right track.

10 Adaptive Flags

1. No Known SolutionThere is a gap between the current reality and aspiration that you dont have the skills or knowledge to close.

2. People Would Rather Avoid the IssueBalancing two ideas is not possible; therefore, working on the challenge creates tension and conflict.

3. Reason and Logic Alone Wont Get You ThereThere are competing values at play or there is a gap between what people say and what they do. For example: Is there an issue that you/your team/your organization continually talks about but cant solve?

4. Recurring ProblemChallenge reappears after fix is applied. For example: Have you tried to fix a problem the same way multiple times but it keeps coming back?

5. Emotional ResponseWorking on this challenge makes people feel uncomfortable; they experience an emotional response such as a feeling in their gut or a knot in a muscle. For example: When does an emotional reaction shut down an issue?

6. Failure to Resolve Competing PrioritiesYou are being asked to do more with less instead of making tough trade offs.

7. Moving Forward Feels RiskyMaking progress on this challenge means putting your reputation, relationship, and job at risk.

8. CasualtiesIn order to move forward, some people may be left behind.

9. People Must Work Across BoundariesNo one person or group can fix the problem alone.

10. Progress Is Not LinearNo direct path to get to a better outcome; trial and error is necessary.

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 11

Describe your challenge

Briefly describe a problem where there is a gap between your aspiration and the current reality. A current challenge is ideal, but one from the past can be used as long as unresolved issues remain. Presumably you will describe something from your work life, but it could be from your personal, civic or community life as well. This exercise will be most useful to you if you choose the challenge that is most pressing to you, something getting in the way of you realizing your purpose.

Tell us whats been done to address this challenge to date

What actions have you already taken to address this challenge?

What are the perspectives of other stakeholders involved in this issue?

What could they potentially gain or lose if progress is made?

Why is this challenge important to you?

What benefits would it bring to you and/or your organization or community if progress was made?

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 12

To help you with your leadership challenge, we have shared a few examples from Acumen

Context: About Acumen

Acumen is a non-profit organization that raises charitable donations to invest in companies, leaders, and ideas that are changing the way the world tackles poverty. Since inception in 2001, Acumen has invested $88 million in 82 enterprises that provide access to water, health, energy, housing, agricultural, and education services to over 125 million low-income customers in India, Pakistan, East Africa, West Africa, and most recently, Latin America. These enterprises have created over 60,000 jobs.

Examples of Leadership Challenges at Acumen

A Fellow in the fieldI am part of the Acumen Global Fellows Program working for the next 9-months at a social enterprise they have invested in. The company is struggling with sales of their product that could potentially improve the health of thousands of low income customers in the city. I have been tasked with developing and implementing a new marketing strategy for the company. After months of work, I have identified several critical areas for improvement. However, I am struggling to get the staff on board with the changes that need to be made, e.g. improving the cleanliness of the stores, maintaining a punctual and consistent delivery schedule, and bringing on more women to the sales team. The staff are reluctant to take these ideas on board or have done a half-hearted job implementing them. Meanwhile the CEO says he supports the changes, but he has done very little to help enforce them. I am running out of time, what should I do?

Brand newI am a Communications Associate at Acumen. The organization recently re-branded. This meant new fonts, logos and format for all Powerpoint presentations. We have invested in developing an easy to use Powerpoint template for all staff. I have also invested in training the team on best practices for creating presentations. However, I keep seeing presentations that break all the new branding rules and often look unsightly. If I catch them, I can help to clean them up even if it creates more work for me. If I dont catch them, I worry about how the organization is being perceived externally. What should I do?

New TricksI am a CEO at a social enterprise that serves the poor in East Africa. We have been in operation for a number of years and won several awards for our work. The company has been thriving. But if I look ahead, I worry that our growth trajectory is unsustainable. I believe that we need to change the way we do our sales if we are to stay on track. This seems risky to many people at the organization because the old strategy worked so well. Because of the companys growth, everyone on the team is incredibly busy and I am unsure if the team has the bandwidth to try something new. I also worry that our customers will also need to get used to a new way of doing business, even though it will be better for them in the long run. Whats worse is that the new strategy may fail! What should I do?

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 13

Discussion leader, please welcome everyone to the very first group discussion and guide the group through the following activity and discussion questions. Appoint one of your group mates to be time keeper for this session.

Introductions: Purpose Posters 20 30 minutes depending on the size of your group

Course Logistics 10 minutes

Group Discussion 3045 minutes depending on the size of your group

Ahas 10 minutes

Preparing for Module 2 5 minutes

A printed or electronic copy of this Discussion Guide

Enough sheets of white paper for your group member

Black/colored markers/pens/pencils (enough for your group)

Tape (optional)

Something to keep time with

Agenda

Materials

1

2

3

4

5

1.52 HOURSEXERCISES

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 14

Welcome to your first group meeting! In order for you to break the ice and get to know each other, you are each going to make a Purpose Poster.

A: A poster that captures your purpose for taking this course.Q: What is a Purpose Poster?

1 INTRODUCTIONS: PURPOSE POSTERS 2030 minutes depending on the size of your group

The importance of purpose

Making progress on an adaptive challenge requires moving off of the status quo, changing behaviors, practices and the way people live their lives. All of these are changes, regardless of how large or small, whether perceived or real. Change itself is not what people resist: No one gives back a winning lottery ticket, and people get married and have children voluntarily (and usually enthusiastically), even though we know these actions will all generate great change. People resist loss or the threat of loss. Loss comes in many typeslife, wealth, status, relevance, community, loyalty, identity, competence. Adaptive leadership involves the distribution of loss or potential loss of moving off the status quo, the only reason to address an adaptive challenge is when something important is at stake. The only reason to have a difficult conversation or to stick your neck out is on behalf of some purpose. Doing Adaptive work means being a greater steward of your purpose in creating value for your organization, your community and those around you, and, most importantly, for yourself.

Take a moment to think about your purpose for participating in this course.

How does it connect to the challenge you are trying to address in this course?

How does it connect more broadly to the work that you do?

What values lie behind your life and work?

How do you remind yourself of your purpose and your values?

Note: The last time we offered this course, some students stated their purpose as to become a better leader. We encourage you to push a little deeper and explore why you want to become a better leader. What are you hoping to change and accomplish? And why is that important to you?

If you are struggling to articulate your purpose for taking this course, it is sometimes useful to apply the 5 Whys (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5_Whys) technique.

Next grab a piece of paper and a few markers

Design a poster that articulates your PURPOSE on one page.

Add illustrations around it that capture your values, your motivations and things that help you to keep on going.

Have fun and get creative!

But do take this seriously. This will be your touchstone for the course. Something that you can keep coming back to, to remind yourself of why its worthwhile trying to lead through tough challenges.

You have 15 minutes to design your Purpose Poster. Time keepers please set a timer or watch the clock. Ready? Get set. Go!

Next take 5 minutes to share your Purpose Poster with your group. Once again, time keepers please set a timer or watch the clock.

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 15

2The discussion leader should guide this discussion. This course has a group-guided learning structure and will be most successful if you follow as closely as possible to the guidelines below. Discuss each of these guidelines and determine if there will be any problems and map out potential solutions.

Time

Youll have about one to two hours of work for each module to prepare for your group discussion. In addition, each group discussion is scheduled to take about two hours.

Discussion Leader

For each modules group discussion, a new member of your group will serve as the discussion leader. This person will be responsible for reviewing the materials thoroughly before the group meeting so that they can lead the group discussion and activities. The discussion leader will also organize your group to bring required supplies. You should coordinate with your group to schedule who will be the discussion leader for each module at the start of the course.

Set Group Norms

We recommend that your group takes a moment to set a few rules or norms for how you would like the group meetings to function. One way to start is with a pen, a piece of paper and a group brainstorm. Here are some questions to get you going:

COURSE LOGISTICS 10 minutes

How we ensure that an environment of mutual trust and respect is created?

How should feedback (both positive and negative) be communicated so that each individual and the group get the most out of it?

Are there other rules that you can think of which will make the group meetings run more smoothly?

Sharing

Weve created a Google+ Community where youll be asked to post updates from your group meeting and learn what other groups around the world are discussing and doing. Discuss in your group how you want to use the Community.

Pick a Group Name

Your group should select a name. Have fun with the name and choose something that is distinctive and represents your group. You may use this group name to post updates to the Google+ community.

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 16

GROUP DISCUSSION 3045 minutes3

In your group, take turns to present the challenge you came up with in the prep work for this module. We are using a peer consulting format that involves 3 steps: Presentation, Data Gathering and Diagnostic Brainstorming.

We suggest taking 15 minutes for each peer consulting session. If your group is large, you may want to break up into smaller groups, so that you do not run over time.

In each peer consulting group, one person should keep time and a second person should take notes while the group is doing the diagnostic brainstorm so that the presenter can take them away later.

Case Presentation3 minutes

Goal for Case PresenterTo present an adaptive challenge that you face:

What is the adaptive challenge?

Who are the major players? What are their conflicting perspectives and interests?

What action have you taken or are thinking about taking in reference to the challenge?

What are your real stakes and interests?

Are there any hidden issues?

Goal for GroupListen. Hold any clarifying questions you might have for the next section.

Data Gathering7 minutes

Goal for GroupTo understand the adaptive challenge and the complexities surrounding it and to gather information to help you conduct Diagnostic Brainstorming in the next phase.

This is an opportunity for the Group to ask the Presenter clarifying questions. Hold your suggestions/interpretations for the Diagnostic Brainstorm section.

Who are the major players? What are their formal relationships? Informal alliances?

Where is the senior authority on the issue?

What has the Presenter done so far to work the problem? What has the Presenter decided not to do?

What would success look like to the Presenter?

Diagnostic Brainstorming5 minutes

Goal for GroupTo interpret what is happening, offer alternative interpretations, and illuminate new ways to understand the case.

Goal for Case PresenterListen to the groups ideas with an open mind. Try to refrain from interjecting.

What are the Case Presenters stakes? What challenges face the Presenter related to loss, competence, and loyalty?

What issues or values does the Presenter represent to in the case?

What are the underlying or hidden issues? What are the value choices each has to make?

How does the situation look to the other players? What is the story they are telling themselves?

What options are off the table for the Presenter and why?

What has the Presenter contributed to the problem? What is her/his piece of the mess?

What possible interpretations has the Presenter been understandably unwilling to consider?

What would success look like to the players other than the Presenter?

ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP Module 1 17

PREPARING FOR MODULE 2 10 minutes5

1. Report your participation

In order to be eligible for a Statement of Accomplishment at the end of the course, you must individually report your participation for each module. Please complete your Module 1 report (http://bit.ly/1A9IFcV). (This will take you 510 minutes.)

2. Choose your discussion leader for the next group meeting

3. Confirm the time and location for next group meeting

4. Dont forget to

Join the Google+ Community if you havent done so already (http://bit.ly/AdaptiveLdrshipCommunity)

Individuals

On the Google+ Community under the discussion category Module 1 upload your:

Purpose Poster

Any ahas you would like to share and/or any photos from your meeting

Feel free to share your group name, group norms, and if you are comfortable sharing, go ahead and upload your challenge descriptions

AHAS 10 minutes4

At Acumen, we have a practice of sharing ahas on a regular basis. It is a way to reflect on an experience and to gain more insight into the world and yourself. Take 12 minutes to think and write down your aha: a key takeaway, a new perspective, a memorable comment or question, or a parting thought from this module. Then share your aha with the group. If you are struggling to come up with an aha, heres a question to help you: If you were to tell your friend about this experience tomorrow, what would you tell them?