All About Kids

Fran Lexcen, Ph.D.

October 16, 2015

Topics This MorningDevelopmental Aspects of Pre-

pubescent youthCommunication Strategies for this age

groupCaveat: Many foster kids have missed

usual environmental supports that promote development and can appear younger than they are

Physical DevelopmentGrowth spurts: earlier for girls, lasts

longer for boys Increased appetiteMore sweating and body odorBody parts growing at different ratesOily skin, acneJoints may ache from rapid growth

Sexual DevelopmentVery beginnings of puberty

Girls & estrogen, ages 9 to 12 Boys & testosterone, ages 11 to 14

Secondary sex characteristicsFantasies about sexual intimacyBegin to recognize sexual allusions in jokes Increased need for privacyMay feel confused and self-conscious

Cognitive Development Not quite formal operations Beginnings of sarcasm, smart talk Ability to set and plan for simple goals Occupational exploration School is less play-centered, more skill-focused;

learning to learn. Strong and unfamiliar emotions as hormones

increase Still overlooking disadvantages during decision –

making; one choice decisions

Peer Relationships May still have best buddy Curiosity about social hierarchies Conformity with peers greatest until about 13 Group activities still require adult supervision Peers more important than family Enjoy formal and informal play groups May develop “crushes” or begin “dating”

Family RelationshipsLoosening of attachmentsValues still closely aligned with

caregivers even though external conformity matches peers

Recognizing that caring relationships can occur outside family

Increased responsibilities for family life, e.g., chores, household maintenance

Social AwarenessEmerging awareness that there are

complicated issues such as poverty and warGreater appreciation for larger social

context, current events, other peoples’ relationships

Increased sensitivity to other people, but skills for responding to emotional states still very basic and can misread cues

Good Activities (no screens!) Family

Extended group relationships Events with same-age peers

Peers Physical activities for skills and to focus attention on

group involvement Organized groups teach and promote cooperation,

positive attitudes to others (including authorities and competitors)

All groups expose to varieties of values, personalities, cultures and mutual respect

Common Traits Increased independence with continuing need

for supervisionMore responsibility for environmental settings

at home and at school Increased school demandsBasic skills like telling time, reading for fun,

personal hygiene, simple cooking, domestic chores

Good time to learn money skills

TYPICAL CONCERNS

Peer Relationships Social anxiety – All their friends are changing! Bullying Judgment errors in unfamiliar social

circumstances Concerns about leaving friends and skills for

new friends Need context that physical maturation can

create unfamiliar feelings and that everyone develops at a different rate

Family Relationships In addition to natural distress, sometimes

feel responsible for adult problemsConcerns about new settingsHabits can be important for maintaining

familiar structure during emotional upheaval and adaptation

Managing possessions is supremely important

CONVERSATIONAL APPROACHES

Conversational StrategiesOne sentence rule: Main point first on table,

gently/obliquely if neededShort sentences with brief words. Stop if they

look disinterested.Avoid yes/no. Instead of ‘Do you need

anything?’ try ‘What do you need most?’Ask them to repeat what they’ve heard you

say. “Tell me what you heard so I can say what I forgot to tell you.”

TechniquesOpen-ended questions or statements,

e.g., “Tell me what you did on your last visit?”

Express empathy and identify positives, e.g., “It sounds like you feel sad when Mom doesn’t show up. But you found something else to do so your day wasn’t ruined.”

Empathy formula: “You feel X because Y.”

Conversational TopicsGoal: Find emotionally ‘safe’ topic of

personal interest Start with general topics (e.g., music,

games, iPod, sports, hobbies) and look for personal favorites

Be persistent but casual – kids can be wary of adults who are too friendly

Cheat Sheet of Ideas Past week activities – best/most interesting thing? Family history – What does your Mom do for a living? Pets, animals Favorite foods – last eat? Ever cook it yourself? Favorite activities – most enjoyed, last engaged,

greatest skill, sports, hobbies, etc. Distractions and hopes – last book you read? Last

movie you saw? Skill you would like to learn? Place you would travel if you could? Favorite place you’ve visited or lived?

Prepping for Difficult Meetings Purpose: Helping find answers when people

disagree. Who will be there; their roles Context: We won’t get all the answers today,

but we will talk about this. Start with easy issues, move to more difficult.

Realistic ExpectationsNarrow issues to a few items, e.g., The big

disagreement is X. Today, we hope to know more about y.”

Frame conditionals as “when…then…” rather than “if…then…””When the judge decides X, then we’ll know Y.”

Potential goals: “When this is done, we will know more about x, y, and z even if we don’t get other things we want.”

More Prepping Draw a picture if needed. Lots of kids do better

with non-verbal material and justice system is verbal-dependent.

Frame choices, preferences and decisions with their pros and cons. One choice at a time. Remember that they will forget the ‘cons’ when it’s time to decide and over-value the ‘pros.’

Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself – it helps them

Debriefing Touch MeetingsLots of empathy statementsProbe for their perceptionsExplain your understanding and

implicationsClarify misperceptions of adult

functioning (e.g., parents angry at system, not at you)

Summing UpKids this age group are at the beginning of

dynamic developmental period – adolescence – and their thinking, feeling and experiences are rapidly changing

The unfamiliarity creates some risks for them, but also brings potential for development

They benefit from information presented simply, sometimes repeatedly