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2/23/2015 AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014
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SA T URDA Y , 2 6 A PR I L 2 0 1 4
DialogueDilemmasPart2
Technicalities
Inpart1ofDialogueDilemmaswelookedatthegroundrulesforcreatingmultifunctional,realisticdialogue.
Butwhataboutthenittygritty,thetechnicalsideofcreatingdialogue?Wheredoyoustartanewlineofdialogue?Whataboutinternalthoughts,howshouldtheybepresented?Howdoyoucorrectlysetoutdialogue?Whataboutquotationmarks?
Thesequestionsallrelatetothetechnicalsideofwritingdialogue,thethingsyouhavetogetright.Unlikealotoffictionwriting,therearenobendingruleswheredialogueisconcerned.
Thefirstthingthatallwritersshouldlearnishowtocorrectlyformatdialogue,i.e.setitoutcorrectly.
DialogueFormatting
Itsimportantthatyouclearlydenotewhoisspeakingforyourreader,sodialoguemustalwaysbeclear.Therearestilllotsofwriterswhodontusethiscorrectly.
Firstly,wheneveracharacterspeaks,alwaysstartanewparagraph.Dontmaketheclassicmistakeoftaggingonecharactersdialogueontothesamelineas
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anothercharactersdialogue.Forinstance:
Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,Davidsaid.Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?Janeasked.
ThisisconfusingforthereaderandgrammaticallyincorrectbecauseJanesdialogueshouldnotappeartaggedontotheendofDavids.Remember,anewparagraphdenotesanewlineofdialogue:
Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,Davidsaid.
Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?Janeasked.
Thesameconceptappliesformultiplecharacterstalkingwithinascene.Eachonestillneedsanewline.Forinstance:
IknewhewasshiftythemomentIsawhim,Johnsaid.
Butyoudontevenknowhim,Paulsaid.
Hesjustmakingassumptions,asusual,Granmuttered.Likehealwaysdoes.
Johnrecoiled.Thatsnottrue!
Youcanseethateachtimeacharacterspeaksthereisanewlinethatshowsthereader.Thereisnoconfusionwhichcharacterisspeakingandwhen.
Butwhatifyouneedthecharactertoperformanactionwhileinconversation?Orperhapstheymayhavealongsectionofdialogue.Howdoyoutacklethis?
Writersuseanactioninterjection.Thatmeansyoucaninserttheactionwithinthesameparagraphasthedialogue,becausethisdenotesthecharacterisstillspeakingwhileperformingtheaction.
Itdoesntmeanyouhavetostartanewparagraphforthecharactersaction,unlessthecharacterhasfinishedspeakingcompletely,nordoyouneedtomakeanewlinetocarryonthecharactersdialogueaftertheaction.
Thiscanbeaconfusingconcept,soIwilldemonstrate
measure.Iamprivilegedtohaveeightshortstories/poemspublishedinthisbook,soifyoulikeyourdamesalittledarkanddangerous,thisisthebookforyou.
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withanexampleofincorrectdialoguestructure:
Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.
Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeingspotted.
Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkedafewtimes.
Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.
ItsclearfromthisexamplethatsplittingDavidsdialogueandtheactionhasmadeitconfusingforthereader,becauseitsnotentirelyclearwhoissayingFirstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.DidDavidsayitordidJake?Anditsnotclearwhoisperformingtheaction,either.
Theideahereistogivethereaderclarityandavoidambiguity,soifyoukeepthecharactersactionwithinthesamesentenceasthedialogue,youavoidconfusion:
Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.
Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeingspotted.Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkedafewtimes.Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.
Thisversionisgrammaticallycorrectanditsstructuredproperly.ItsclearwhoisspeakingDavidandthenarrativeshowshimperforminganactionbeforehecontinuesspeakingagain.Thedialoguehasbeenenhancedbyanactioninterjection.
DialoguePunctuation
Punctuationisoneofthosethingsthatnotallwritersfullyunderstand.Therearesomeselfpublishedwriterswhohavemadesometerribleerrorswhenitcomestodialoguepunctuation,writerswhohaventtakenthetimetolearnthecraftofwriting.
Itmeanstheyoftentheymissthebasicsofdialoguepunctuation,thingslikemakingsurethatthefirstwordofalineofdialogueiscapitalised.Evenifitisntthefirstwordofthesentence,thefirstlettermustalways
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becapitalised:
Jonsaid,Makemeastrongblackcoffee
Evenfictionnonexpertswillspotthesebasicerrors.Oneisonetoomanyandspoilsthereadingexperience.
Placecommascorrectly
Ifyouareusingatagsuchashesaid/shesaidinordertoidentifythespeaker,thenyoumustinsertacommadirectlyafterthelastwordofdialogue,asthisdenotesaprotractionofthespeaker,forexample:
Ineedtogetanewcellphone,shesaid.
Ishouldhaveknown,hesaid.
Thecommasafterphoneandknownshowtheextensionofthespeakingcharacter.Iftherearenotags,however,thenitssimplyamatterofendingthedialoguewithafullstop.
Ineedanewcellphone.
Sometimesyoumightseeaninterjectionofaspeechtag,oracombinationoftagandaction,withinthedialogue.Thispausesthesentence,beforethedialoguecontinuesafterthespeechtagoraction.Forinstance:
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,andwellbestrollingdownMontmartre.
Youllnoticethatthecontinuationofthedialogue,andwellbestrolling,alsobeginsinlowercaseratherthanbeginningwithacapitalletter.Thisisbecausethesecondpartofthedialogueisaprotractionofthesentence.Theshesaidisaninterjectionbetweenclauses.
Youcandothesamewithanadditionalaction,forinstance:
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,adjustingherglasses,andwellbestrollingdownMontmartre.
Thesamesentencecanbestructuredusingafullstop
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instead.Butratherthangivingapauseinthedialogue,itgivesaclearindicationoftheendofthedialogue.Andthistime,thesecondpartofthedialoguestartswithacapitallettertoshowanewsentence.
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.WellbestrollingdownMontmartre.
Again,thesameconventionappliesifyouwanttoaddactionafterthespeechtag.
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.Sheadjustedherglasses.WellbestrollingdownMontmartre.
Becarefultoplacecommasandfullstopscorrectly.Again,itsworthreiteratingthatthesewillbespottedbyagents/publishers,editorsandreaders.
InPart3wellcontinueourlookatthetechnicalitiesofcorrectlyformattingandpunctuatingdialogue,sothatyouavoidanydialoguedilemmas.
Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart3POSTEDBYAJ HUMPAGEATSATURDAY, APRIL 26, 20142COMMENTS: L INKSTOTHISPOST
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DialogueDilemmasPart1GroundRulesDialogueisstraightforwardifyouknowhowtodoitproperly,andshouldntpresentanyproblems,butlatelyIveseenmanyselfpublishedbooksthatuseincorrectorbadlystructureddialogue.Writersarestillgettingitwrong.Ifyouwanttogodowntherouteoftraditionalpublishing,i.e.findinganagentorpublisher,thenitsparamountthatthesillymistakesfoundalloverselfpublishedworkisntapparentwhenyousubmittoaneditorforscrutiny.
Dialogueshouldbecorrectandproperlystructured,
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whichmeanswritersshouldbeawareofgroundrules.Onceyouknowthosegroundrules,youcanconcentrateonthetechnicalityofconstructingdialogue.
Movethestoryforward
Firstly,dialogueisnecessarytomovethestoryforward.Thatmeansitshouldbeconcise,itshouldgettothepointandrelaypertinentinformationtothereaderaspartofthecontinuingstoryarc.
Dialogueshouldneverturnintoaninfodumpinotherwords,dontfillyoursceneswithhugechunksofdialoguerelayingbackstoryorunimportantdetails.Thiscanputyourreaderoff,plusitmeansthestoryarchaslostfocus.
Heresasimpleexamplecommontomanywritersthedialoguebackstory/infodump:
Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtogetsamplesofthisstuff.
IknowallaboutmolecularbiologybecauseIstudieditatuniversityandIspentseveralyearstraininginthefield,Dansaid.ThatmeansImwellqualifiedtoassessthissituationwithmyexperience,Iveworkedwithmostofthetopbiologists
Thisisenoughtosendthereadertosleep.TheinformationaboutDanandhisqualificationsandexperienceisntnecessaryindialoguebecauseitsoundstoostiltedandfeigned.Backgroundinformationshouldbesprinkledthroughthenarrativeaspartofhischaracterisation.
Thedialoguecouldbewrittenlikethisinstead:
Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtogetsamplesofthisstuff.
Iagree,Dansaid.Icanrunseveraltestsbackatthelab,seeifwecanextractsomeDNAandfindoutwhatcreaturethiscamefrom.
Thesecondexampleismoreconciseitgetstothepointandmovesthestoryforward.
Realism
Chapter&NovelLengthsJusthowlongshouldachapterbe?
Whatsthebestlength?Anddoesanovelhavetofitintoasetamountofwords?Thesearejusttwoo...
FlashbacksWhatisaflashback?Flashbackis
oneofthoseusefultoolsthatawritercanusetoenhanceastory.Itenrichesand,inasense,nourish...
SubplotsImoftenaskedbynewwriters
howsubplotsshouldevolve.Somewritersfindsubplotsdifficulttogettogripswhileothersareputofftry...
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Theotherthingtorememberisthatdialogueshouldberealistic,toapoint.Ineverydaylife,conversationscandragonaboutperipheral,unimportantstuffandoftenfilledwithstrangepausesandlotsofumsetc.TheymaysayEroreh?alot.Theyespeciallysay,youknowandlikeaswell.Forexample:
Hewaslike,youknow,reallyfriendlyandeverything,and,well,IreallylikedhimandIwishedIdgivenhimmynumber,youknow?
Thedialoguecanstillretainasenseofrealism,butwithoutthecolloquialisms.Thesearethethingsyouleaveout.Forexample:
HewasfriendlyandIreallylikedhim.IjustwishIdgivenhimmynumber.
Anotherimportantgroundruleistousecorrectdialoguetags.Hesaidandshesaidbecomealmostinvisibletothereaderafterawhilehowever,writersshouldntrelyonthemtooheavily.Instead,structuresentencessoyoudontalwayshavetousethem.
Thesameruleappliesfortheuseofmoredescriptivetagssuchasshewhinedorhecriedetc.Manywritersstillusethese,wheninrealitytheyrerarelyrequiredifyouvegotsentencestructuresright.Forexample:
Whydidyoudoit?shewailed.
Theuseofshewailedisunnecessaryandweakensthedialogue.Thewaytocutouttheneedforthemistoinsertnarrativeinordertoshowcharactertheemotions,forexample:
Tearsfellacrosshercheeks.Hervoicepitched.Whydidyoudoit?
Thisversionremovestheneedforsillydialoguetagsandshowsthereaderthatthecharacterisemotionalsimplybymentioningthetearsandpitchedvoice.Itsthateasytostepawayfromthehabitofunnecessarydialoguetags.
DialogueLength
Anothersimilarmethodtotheexampleaboveistoadd
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characteractionsinbetweendialoguetoaddatouchofrealism.Ifyoufindthatyouvewrittenaparticularlylongsectionofdialogue,thencharacteractionshelpsbreakupthedialogueintomanageablesections,forexample:
ItwasonlywhenIgottothebedroomthatInoticedshedgone,Dansaid.Ineverheardathing,notthedooropeningorthestairscreaking,absolutelynothing,butIguessyoudontwheninadeepsleep.Herubbedhistemples.NowIfeelsoterriblethatIdidntwake,Icouldnthelpher
Youcanseethattheinsertionofactionbreaksthelengthofdialogueandhelpspacethesentences.Itsnotamust,buttheyreagoodwaytoslipinlittlesnippetsoftone,tensionandemotion,andtheyalsoallowthereadertopausebrieflybeforecontinuing.
Varythedialoguelengths,givethempace.Contrarytobadadviceoutthere,noteverysentenceneedstobeshortandtothepointinthebeliefthatreadersattentionspansdemandit.Thatsprettydemeaningtoyourreader.Longersectionsofdialoguearejustacceptableasshortones.Justmakesureyoupacethemandaddcharacteractionstobreakthemupandmaketheminteresting.
Dialect
Thisseemstobotheralotofwritersbecausetheyassumethattheyhavetogivetheircharactersavarietyofaccentstomakethecharactermorerealmeaningtheyhavetowritedialogueusingthataccent.
Thisisnotabadthing,ifusedcorrectlyandsparingly,butthedownsideisthatyoucouldconfusethereaderifitsusedtoomuch.Readingitwillbecomeachoreitwillputthereaderoff,andyourcharacterwillsoundlikeacaricature.
Theruleisalwaysaboutbalance.Usedialect,butdontletitovershadowthedialogue.Lessissometimesmore.
Grammar
Unlikeyournarrative,whichmustalwaysbegrammaticallycorrect,dialogueistheexception.Itdoesnthavetobegrammaticallycorrect,especially
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withcharactersusingdialectorslang,becausethisformspartofthecharactersvoiceanditretainsahintofrealismofactualspeech.
Thatsaid,aswithdialects,dontoverdoit,otherwiseitbecomesannoyingtothereader.Keepabalanceanddontletitovershadowtherestofthedialogue.
So,thosearethegroundrules.Thethingtorememberwithdialogueisthatitismultifunctionalitdoesmanythingsallatonce.Dialoguesetsthescene,itimpartspertinentinformation,itforeshadows,itenablescharacterisationandrealismanditmovesthestoryforwardaspartofthestoryarc.
Nextweekwelllookatthetechnicalaspectsofdialoguestructure,andmoreimportantly,howtoformatdialoguecorrectly.
Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart2
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HowtoAvoidBadWritingPart3
Inthefinalinstalmentofhowtoavoidbadwriting,welltakealookatafewmorecommonerrorsthatwritershaventyetunderstood,orhavechosentoignoreattheirownperil.
Therearequiteafew,butIvehighlightedtheonesthatcropupallthetimeinnarrative,commonerrorsthatcanbeandshouldbeavoided.
Adverbs
Oneofmanythingsthatdrivemecrazyistheuseoftoomanylyadverbs(althoughtheyrenottobeconfusedwithadjectivesthatendinly).
Adverbsareusedtomodifyaverb,anadjective,or
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anotheradverb.Theyrewordsthatdontreallybelonginthenarrativethatsnottosayyouhavetoeliminatealltracesofthem,becauseyoudonthavetogothatfar.Someareneededatcertainpointsandcanbeuseful,butonthewhole,manyareunwelcome.Forexample:
Shelookedupathimlovingly,hisfacesofetchinglyconstructed
Thisisthekindofstufffoundinalotofromancestylenovels,anditsawful.Theuseofadverbsweakensthesentence.Itseemsasthoughmanywritershavelefttheircreativitybehindtheydontconsiderthepowerandstrengthofthewordsintheirsentencestructures.
Theuseofadverbsalsoincludesthembeingusedasdialoguetags,too.Onceagain,theyweakenthedialogueinthesamewayadverbsweakennarrative.
Oh,Ididntseeyouthere,shesaid,falteringly.
Thissentenceisbetter:Shefaltered.Oh,Ididntseeyouthere.
Yourplaceormine?hewhisperedlustily.
Thissentenceisbetter.Hisvoicebrimmedwithlust.Yourplaceormine?
Adverbsareuniversallyhated,simplybecausetoomanywillmakeyournarrativelookasthoughatenyearoldwroteit.Andnotonlythat,buteditorshatethem.Soifyouareouttoimpresseditorswithyourwritingskills,firstmakesurethatyouhaventlitteredyournovelwithadverbs.
HangingParticiples
Myabsolutefavouritethingtohateaboutfictionwriting.
IdetestseeingthesewheneverIcritique,somuchsoitmakesmebreathfire.AndifIhatethemsomuch,imaginewhatagentsandeditorsthinkaboutthem
Neverstartasentencewithahangingparticiple.Ifyouwanttocreateambiguity,oryouwanttoconfusethereaderifyouwanttoweakenthesentencestructureandmakeitlooklikeyour7yearoldniecewroteit,oryouwanttomakeyourpotentialagentchokeonhis
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coffeewithyourlazywriting,thengoaheadandhangyourparticiples.
If,ontheotherhand,youwanttoachieveacorrect,tightandunambiguoussentencestructure,thenavoidstartingyoursentenceswiththem.Ifyourenotconvinced,takealookatthesebeauties:
Carryinghercoffee,shestormedintoDereksoffice.
Turningfromthedoor,hesawtheshadowinthecorner.
Reachingforherphone,sheknewshehadtocallhermother.
Thereisnothingremotelygoodabouttheseexamples.Andstillwritersstarttheirsentenceslikethis.
Instead,takethetimetoreadwhatyouhavewritten,learntospotadverbsandhangingparticiples.Learntobecreativewithsentenceslearntocareaboutwhatyouwrite.
Flatnarrative
Anothercauseofbadwritingisflatnarrative(telling,notshowing).Thisisdowntoeitherthewriterisntthatconfidentaboutwritingdescriptivescenes,theyreafraidandnotsureaboutthem,ortheyvebeenadvisedthattoomuchdescriptionspoilsthestory.
Thereseemstobealotofcontradictoryadviceabouthowdescriptivenarrativeshouldbe.Ononehandtherearethosethatlovedescription,becausewhenproperlyuseditbuildsapictureforthereader.Thenontheotherhand,thereisasturdycontingentofantinarrativefolkswhoareadvisingwriterstokeepitsimple.
Ipersonallythinkbalanceisimportant.Thinkofdescriptionasthecementbetweenyourbuildingblocks.Withoutit,thereisntmuchsupport.Itsthatsimple.
Thosewhoadviseagainstbeingdescriptivearenothelpingwriterstheyrehinderingthecreativeprocess.Descriptivenarrativeisamustallyouhavetodoasawriteriskeepthebalancebetweensoundingflatandboring,orbeingcolourfulandevocative.
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Noteveryscenewillrequirelotsofdescription,butyourkeyscenes,thosethatarerelevantandneedatmosphereandtone,sensesandsurroundingsetc.,aretheretohelpthereaderbuildamentalpicture,anddorequireit.
Heresanexample:
Helookedaheadthroughtheforest.Therewasnoonearound.Thecoastwasclearandhemadehiswaybacktothefarmhouse.
Whilethereisnothingessentiallywronghere,thereisntmuchforthereadertoworkwith.Thenarrativeisflat.Itstellingratherthanshowing.And,surprisingly,somepeopleadvocatethissimplisticapproachtodescription.Thatsfine,butletscompareitwithsomedescriptiveelementsadded:
Helookedaheadthroughtheforest,sensespricked.Therewasnoonearoundandnosound,exceptformuffledheartbeatinhisears.Silencecoiledbetweenbarrenbranchesandsweptlowacrossthesnow.Cautious,hemadehiswaybacktothefarmhouse.
Thissecondexampledoesntoverpowerwithdescription,howeverthistimethereareenoughsnippetsofinformationtohelpthereadervisualisethescene.Itsbalanced,andthatswhatwritersshouldbelookingfor.
Badwritingdisappearswithexperience.Themoreyouwrite,thebetteryoubecome.Thebetteryoubecome,themoreexperiencedyoubecomewitheditingandspottingyourownerrors,sothereisnoexcuseforbadwritingonceyouhavegainedsomeexperience.
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