Chapter 2 – The experiences and challenges of families• The current reality of the family (32-49)• Some challenges (50-57)

POST-SYNODAL APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION

AMORIS LAETITIAOF THE HOLY FATHER,

FRANCISTO BISHOPS, PRIESTS AND

DEACONSCONSECRATED PERSONS

CHRISTIAN MARRIED COUPLES

AND ALL THE LAY FAITHFUL

ON LOVE IN THE FAMILY

INDEX

1. IN THE LIGHT OF THE WORD2. THE EXPERIENCES AND

REALITY OF FAMILIES3. LOOKING TO JESUS: THE

VOCATION OF THE FAMILY4. LOVE IN MARRIAGE5. LOVE MADE FRUITFUL6. SOME PASTORAL

PERSPECTIVES7. TOWARD A BETTER

EDUCATION OF CHILDREN8. ACCOMPANYING, DISCERNING

AND INTEGRATING WEAKNESS9. THE SPIRITUALITY OF

MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Chapter 2 – The experiences and challenges of families• The current reality of the family (32-49)• Some challenges (50-57)

The current reality of the family (32-49)

“through an equitable distribution of duties, responsibilities and tasks”; indeed, “a

greater emphasis on personal

communication between the spouses helps to make family

life more humane” AL 32

while “neither today’s society nor that to which we are progressing allow an uncritical survival of older forms and models”. It is also evident that

“the principal tendencies in anthropological-cultural changes” are leading “individuals, in personal and family life, to receive less and less

support from social structures than in the past” AL 32

“equal consideration needs to be given to the growing danger represented by an extreme individualism which weakens family bonds and ends up considering each member of the family as an isolated unit, leading in some cases to the idea that one’s personality is shaped by his or her

desires, which are considered absolute”. AL 33

The tensions created by an overly individualistic culture, caught up with possessions and pleasures, leads to intolerance and hostility in families”. Here I would also include today’s fast pace of life,

stress and the organization of society and labour, since all these are cultural factors which militate against permanent decisions. AL33

Freedom of choice makes it possible to plan our lives and to make the most of ourselves. Yet if this freedom lacks noble goals or personal discipline, it degenerates into an inability to give oneself generously to others. AL 33

it is easy nowadays to confuse genuine

freedom with the idea that each individual can act arbitrarily,

as if there were no truths, values and

principles to provide guidance, and

everything were possible and

permissible. AL 34

We have long thought that simply by stressingdoctrinal, bioethical and moral issues, without encouraging openness

to grace, we were providing sufficient support to families, strengthening the marriage bond and giving meaning to marital

life. AL 37

-We also find it hard to make room for the consciences of the faithful, who very often respond as best they can to the Gospel amid their

limitations, and are capable of carrying out their own discernment in complex situations. We have been called to form consciences, not to

replace them AL 37

in various parts of Africa, secularism has not weakened certain traditional values, and marriages forge a strong bond between two wider families, with clearly defined structures for dealing with problems and conflicts. AL 38

Nowadays we are grateful too for the

witness of marriages that have not only proved lasting, but

also fruitful and loving. All these factors can inspire a positive and welcoming pastoral approach capable of

helping couples to grow in appreciation

of the demands of the Gospel. AL 38

…“culture of the ephemeral”. Here I think, for example, of the speed with which people move from one affective relationship to another. They believe,

along the lines of social networks, that love can be connected or disconnected at the whim of the consumer, and the relationship quickly

“blocked”. Al 39

I think too of the fears associated with permanent commitment, the obsession with free time, and those relationships that weigh costs and benefits for the sake of remedying loneliness, providing protection, or

offering some service. Al 39

Narcissism makes people incapable of

looking beyond themselves, beyond

their own desires and needs. Yet sooner or later, those who use others end up being

used themselves, manipulated and

discarded by that same mindset. Al 39

we live in a culture which pressures young people not to start a family, because they lack possibilities for the future. Yet this same culture presents others with so many options that they too are dissuaded

from starting a family”. In some countries, many young persons “postpone a wedding for economic reasons, work or study. Al 40

Some do so for other reasons, such as • - the influence of ideologies which devalue marriage and family, • - the desire to avoid the failures of other couples, • - the fear of something they consider too important and sacred, • - the social opportunities and economic benefits associated with simply living together, • - a purely emotional and romantic conception of love, • - the fear of losing their freedom and independence, • - and the rejection of something conceived as purely institutional and bureaucratic”.15 AL 40

We need to find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young

people, appealing to their capacity for generosity, commitment, love and even heroism, and in this way

inviting them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage. AL 40

“cultural tendencies in today’s world seem to set no limits on a person’s affectivity”; indeed, “a

narcissistic, unstable or changeable affectivity does not always allow a person to grow to maturity”.AL 41

• They also expressed concern about the current “spread of pornography and the commercialization of the body, fostered also by a misuse of the internet,

• and about those “reprehensible situations where people are forced into prostitution”. AL 41

Many tend to remain in the early stages of their affective and sexual life. A crisis in a couple’s relationship destabilizes the family and may lead, through

separation and divorce, to serious consequences for adults, children and society as a whole, weakening its individual and social bonds”. AL 41

Failures give rise to new relationships, new couples, new civil unions, and new marriages, creating family situations which

are complex and problematic for the Christian life”. AL 42

Furthermore, “the decline in population, due to a mentality against having children and promoted by the world politics of reproductive health, creates not only a situation in which the relationship between generations is no

longer ensured but also the danger that, over time, this decline will lead to economic impoverishment and a loss of hope in the future. AL 42

Factors which influence the birth rate AL 42

• Bio-technology• Industrialization• The sexual revolution• Fear of overpopulation• Economic problems• consumerism

the Church strongly rejects the forced State intervention in favour of

contraception, sterilization and even abortion”. AL 42

• The weakening of faith and religious practice in some societies has an effect on families, leaving them more isolated amid their difficulties.

• The Synod Fathers noted that “one symptom of the great poverty of contemporary culture is loneliness, arising from the absence of God in a person’s life and the fragility of relationships.

• -There is also a general feeling of powerlessness in the face of socio-cultural realities that often-times end up crushing families…

• -Families often feel abandoned due to a lack of interest and attention on the part of institutions. AL 43

The lack of dignified or affordable

housing often leads to the

postponement of formal

relationships. AL 44

Families have the right to “to be able to count on an adequate family policy on the part of public authorities in the juridical, economic, social and fiscal domains”. AL 44

“Economic constraints prohibit a family’s access to education, cultural activities and involvement in the life of

society. AL 44

• Families, in particular, suffer from problems related to work, where young people have few possibilities and job offers are very selective and insecure.

• Workdays are long and oftentimes made more burdensome by extended periods away from home.

• This situation does not help family members to gather together or parents to be with their children in such a way as to nurture their relationships each day”. AL 44

“A great number of children are born out-side of wedlock, many of whom subsequently grow up with

just one of their parents or in a blended or reconstituted family… AL 45

The sexual exploitation of children is yet another scandalous and perverse reality in present-day society. AL 45

Societies experiencing violence due to war,

terrorism or the presence of organized crime are witnessing the deterioration of

the family, above all in large cities, where, on

their outskirts, the so-called phenomenon of

‘street-children’ is on the rise”. AL 45

“Migration is another sign of the times to be faced and understood in terms of its negative

effects on family life”. AL 45

Extreme poverty and other situations of family

breakdown sometimes even lead families to sell their

children for prostitution or for organ trafficking”.31 AL 46

“The persecution of Christians and ethnic and

religious minorities in many parts of the world, especially in the Middle

East, are a great trial not only for the Church but

also the entire international community.

Every effort should be encouraged, even in a practical way, to assist families and Christian

communities to remain in their native lands”. AL 46

… Families who lovingly accept

the difficult trial of a child with

special needs are greatly to be

admired. They render the Church

and society an invaluable witness of

faithfulness to the gift of life AL 47

• A special word of appreciation is due to those associations and family movements committed to serving the elderly, both

spiritually and socially.• Euthanasia and assisted suicide are serious threats to families

worldwide; in many, they have been legalized AL 48

Some challengesDrug use was also mentioned as one of the scourges of our

time, causing immense suffering and even breakup for many

families. The same is true of alcoholism,

gambling and other addictions. AL 51

Violence within families breeds new forms of social aggression, since “family relationships can also explain the tendency to a violent personality. This is often the case with families where

communication is lacking, defensive attitudes predominate, the members are not supportive of one another, family activities that encourage participation are absent, the parental

relationship is frequently conflictual and violent, and relationships between parents and children are marked by hostility. Violence within the family is a breeding-ground of

resentment and hatred in the most basic human relationships”. AL 51

• No one can think that the weakening of the family as that natural society founded on marriage will prove beneficial to society as a whole,

• only the exclusive and indissoluble union between a man and a woman has a plenary role to play in society as a stable commitment that bears fruit in new life. AL 52

We need to acknowledge the great variety of family situations that can offer a certain stability, but de facto or same-sex unions, for example, may not simply be equated

with marriage. No union that is temporary or closed to the transmission of life can ensure the future of society. AL 52

Nowadays who is making an effort to strengthen marriages, to help married couples overcome their problems, to assist them in the

work of raising children and, in general, to encourage the stability of the marriage bond? AL 52

In many places, not only in the West, the practice of living together before marriage is widespread, as well as a type of cohabitation which totally excludes any intention to marry”.

AL 53

In various countries, legislation facilitates a growing variety of alternatives to marriage, with the result that marriage, with its characteristics of

exclusivity, indissolubility and openness to life, comes to appear as an old-fashioned and outdated option. - Many countries are witnessing a legal

deconstruction of the family, tending to adopt models based almost exclusively on the autonomy of the individual will. AL 53

The strength of the family “lies in its capacity to love and to teach how to love. For all a family’s problems,

it can always grow, beginning with love”. AL 53

The verbal, physical, and sexual violence that women endure in some marriages contradicts the very

nature of the conjugal union. AL 54

we cannot overlook the use of surrogate mothers and the

exploitation and commercialization AL 54

The equal dignity of men and women makes us rejoice to see old forms of discrimination disappear, and within families there is a growing reciprocity AL 54

Men “play an equally decisive role in family life, particularly with regard to the protection and support of their wives and children… Many men are conscious of the importance of their role in the family and live their masculinity accordingly.

The absence of a father gravely affects family life and the upbringing of children and their integration into society. This absence, which may be physical, emotional,

psychological and spiritual, deprives children of a suitable father figure”. AL 55

• ideology of gender that “denies the difference and reciprocity in nature of a man and a woman and envisages a society without sexual differences, thereby eliminating the anthropological basis of the family.

• This ideology leads to educational programmes and legislative enactments that promote a personal identity and emotional intimacy radically separated from the biological difference between male and female.

• Consequently, human identity becomes the choice of the individual, one which can also change over time”. AL 56

(These ideologies) manage to assert themselves as absolute and unquestionable, even dictating

how children should be raised. It needs to be emphasized that “biological sex and the socio-

cultural role of sex (gender) can be distinguished but not separated”. AL 56

• “the techno-logical revolution in the field of human procreation has introduced the ability to manipulate the reproductive act, making it independent of the sexual relationship between a man and a woman…

• Let us not fall into the sin of trying to replace the Creator. We are creatures, and not omnipotent. Creation is prior to us and must be received as a gift.

• At the same time, we are called to protect our humanity, and this means, in the first place, accepting it and respecting it as it was created. AL 56