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Anger and Bitterness

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Anger and Bitterness
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As we saw in the previous lesson, our "unpleasant" emotions can be an obstacle

in believing God's truth. Actually, they are merely acting as messengers, alerting

us to what we are thinking and believing. It is import~t that we recognize what

we are feeling and evaluate what is taking place in our soul (mind, will, and

emotions).

Anger is a normal part of our total emotional spectrum.

Anger can be likened to power, sex, or fire. These things are neither inherentlyright nor wrong, but they become right or wrong only as they are used properlyor abused. To determine if the anger we feel is appropriate, we must identify thebasis of our anger and evaluate how we express it.

The Apostle Peter, at the time of Jesus' arrest, is a good example of aninappropriate response ca~ by the emotion of anger.

And behold! one of those who were with Jesus reached and drew

out his sword, and struck the slave of the high priest, and cut off

his ear. Then Jesus said to him, IIPut your sword back into its

place; for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the

sword.1I Matthew 26:51-54, NAS

Peter's anger was based on his love for Christ, but he failed to control the, ,expression of his anger. Anger was not the problem, b~_~_~ion of his

ange!_~as inapP!oEri_ate.

One cause of anger is blocked or unmet expectations.

An ex~ation is something we are looking forward to or assume will take place.Throughout life, we all develop expectations which are usually produced bycomparing ourselves with others ("They get to ..., so why can't I?") or fromcommitments people make or imply. Some expectations result from valid needsin our lives such as the need to feel loved, accepted, and secure. When theseexpectations are not met in the ways that we desire, the emotional reaction isoften anger.

7.3CCOPYRIGHT 1998. 2nd Edition 2001 SCOPE MINISTRIES INTL INC

One "unpleasant" emotion that everyone experiences is anger. It is one of thestrongest of emotions. The Bible says "be angry, and yet do not sin" (Ephesians4:26). God is holy, and Jesus is without sin, yet the Bible records both expressingthe emotion of anger.

The New World Dictionary defines anger as "a feeling of displeasure resultingfrom injustice, injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc., and usually showing itselfin a desire to fight back at the supposed cause of this feeling; intense displeasureor exasperation; an emotional state of hostility, indignation, and revenge."

Expet1ations, Anger, and Biltelne$

First, we need to yield our expectations and rights to God.

Anger becomes a problem when we deal with it improperly. A way to safeguard

against responding in anger is to yield our expectations to God. In yielding, wechoose to let God meet our needs in the ways He sees best instead of the way we

want to see things done. We choose to trust and look to Him as the source of our

contentment instead of looking to circumstances and people to give us joy. Weneed to acknowledge our anger to ourselves and God.

Sometimes anger masks other painful emotions such as fear and hurt. EQ!-

fugemotiQD. It is less painful to "cover up" the real problems with an

inappropriate expression of anger. Likewise, if I am ~fraid of something, I may

express inappropriate anger rather than admit to being fe~. It is vita) that weexpress our anger to God and allow Him to show us the cause of our ange~

ch~~~-OL.suppress..~er, -itwillmanifes~If -in our behavi;e~i!!!y-aff~ Ollf e!!'~!1tLI)Da 1 ann/ nr ph¥~i('~ I health.

The following diagram is helpful in understanding the downward progression of

emotions when we fail to deal properly with unmet expectations and unresolved

anger. ,-,

Anger BitternessExpectations

Cure:Resentment

Comparisons Forgiveness VengeanceYieldexpectationsas act of trustin God. IngratitudeVerbal

Commitments

Depression

~en ~e don't address our anger properly-it will turn illtq Qitt~mess. The Bibletalks about this as developing a root of bitterness. The Biblical definition ofbitterness is "resentfulness" or "harshness" and is referred to specifically inEphesians 4:31 and Hebrews 12:15. T~~~~~rn~sl.wew~t

chQ9~jQjQrgiY~__Q.fu~_~for w~_at h~s h~p~~-J!!l<ltel~~1r:om..QYf~~~ It is God's job to deal with the actions of other people, not ours.

..;.EXpecratlOOS. Anger, and Bmerness

let allbilterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

be put away from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31 NAS

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no

root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be

defiled. Hebrews 12: 15 NAS

Bitterness is the result of a perceived right that has be~n violated.

IfL~_~~~~-~jQ ~eness, we will hold the offen~~~e(~ty)!or ~~. We then begin to accumulate fault in our mind towardshim which we will bring up when the situation calls for it. ~w~~tfo .." .God. This

is a orm 0 vengeance.

Bitterness causes emotional, physi,cal and spiritual bondage.

but ill ~tv we are hurting o~~. Bitterness creates a feeling of distance in

our fellowship with God. Emotionally, it can cause anxiety, stress, and depression.

Physically, it can cause anything from headach~ and fatigue to ulcers and

arthritis. U!!feSQlved @&er ~ ~ves_Satan an_oE1?Q~!'y to wreak hay~ llQur

~.---do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give

the devil an opportunity- Ephesians 4:26b-27 NAS

Bitterness affects not only us but will con?minate all our relationships.

Bitterness is like a cancer. Just as cancer will eventually spread throughout ourentire bodY,l,1itlgrn~~ will eventually affect all our relationshiEs. A~i!!er ~~

~mescritical, cynical. hateful. and h~rsh-, .

In His love, God desires to free us from this renegade em~tion. His solution is

forgiveness. ~arly ~trMcts us to love our enemies and do good to those:!:,!:h9~n:e_aLus '(Luke 6:27:28). It is our namn: as God's children to forgive others asGod has forgiven us.

And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other,

just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 NAS

~-n1~OO~ to for&ive those who have blocked our..expfctatioQ~ Qr inj~

~ If we do n~L~e bittem~, ~ roots..8!QlV-.~ re$entmen!,~eance, and deprefif!i9n.: \::Ie ~ becom~_1!,11~ble topg sa~fied, mQ w~locus to~y OQour !!!!ill~~~~ations and.the-Dnes ~&ed_lQmeelth£m:~~ds us as t2h~,!! God is mee!i!1~ O);!! n~~~

7.5INC.

ExpedatiO!Js, Anger, and Binerness Forgiveness is a characteristic of our new identity in Christ.

God's forgiveness of us motivates and allows us to forgive others.

...bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoev-

er has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you,

so also should you. Colossians 3: 13, NAS

Forgiveness is more than an outward behavior.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT:ignoring/ disregarding the

wrong donetolerating the personexcusing the personforgetting about thewrong done

letting time passallowing abusebeing nice to the personkeeping silentsaying, "I forgive you."based on feelings

Forgiveness is not ignoring, disregarding, tolerating, excusing, overlooking orclosing our eyes to the wrong another person has done against us.[t is not simplyletting time pass after the offense has been committed. It is not trying to forgetthat the offense happened or pretending that it didn't. It is not j~t resigningourselves to the other person's actions by saying, "Well, that's just the way he is." ~

For 've .not u ..the osition to be abu r victimized

~Forgiveness is a deliberate decision to cancel the debt owed.

FORGIVENESS IS:canceling a debt owedgiving the person to Godyielding our rights to Godtrusting God to redeemthe situation

yielding our right to punishnot seeking revengeor getting even

not judging or condemningnot keeping scoreextending mercy and gracemaking a conscious choice

~venessis_fure~oing what we feel is dueJlS and d~laring th~~r,5Qnno

t

y

done.-The process of forgiveness includes:

1. Acknowledging the offense to God.

2. Expressing to God how it made you feel.

3. Expressing to God your decision to canc~l the debt.

.Giving up the right to punish or get even.

.Giving up the right to judge or condemn.

.Giving up the demand that they make right the wrong done.

4. Accepting the person just as they are.

.Yield expectations to God.

.Trust God to meet your needs.

.Pray God's best for that individual.

5. Being willing to risk being hurt again.

.Take down any walls of self-protection.

.Trust God to heal and protect you should you be hurt again.

Forgiveness requires our trust in God's character.

We must trust in God's faithfulness to work everything out for good, even ourinjury and pain.

7.6 OCOPYRIGHT

Ex~ionI, Anger; and BitternessAnd as for you, you meant evil against me, but Gbd meant1t for

good. ..Genesis 50:200, NAS

And we know that God causes all things to work together for

good to those who love God, to those who are called according

to His purpose. Romans 8:28, NAS

Even after we have made the choice to forgive, t,he emotions of anger andbitterness may stiIllinger. Our emotions will evenhlally reflect God's heart ofmercy and compassion as we continue to renew oui minds with truth andreaffirm our decision to forgive.

What if our bitterness is toward God?

Even when we are angry at God, He does not condemn or become angry with us.

He is committed to us and always responds with mercy and love. Therefore,

w en w ith God we need to choose to trust in God's lovin and

merciful character. We must trust that e is wor .the circumstan in our

lLf~t-:oI o_ur gO-Q<i ~o~ 8:28) an~ that tie will Emvide for Qur~~d(philippians 4:19). We nee<:! to express honestly our anger to_Him and to allowHim to show us the wrong beliefs we have about Him. There are many examples

of this in Scripture. David, a man after God's own heart, freely expressed his

anger toward God in Psalm 13:1-6 NAS.

How long, 0 lord? Wilt Thou forget me forever?

How long wilt Thou hide Thy face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

After expressing His anger, David chose to trust in God's character.

But I have trusted in Thy lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation.I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Forgiveness is primarily for our benefit.

Forgiving others has many benefits in our life. Getting rid of unforgiveness andbitterness can feel like having a heavy burden or weight taken off our shoulders.God desires that forgiveness become a part of our lifestyle. A few of the personalbenefits that are often experienced through forgiveness are:

.Emotional healing;

.Healthier relationships;

.Increased intimacy with God;

.Physical healing; and

.Freedom from spiritual oppression

7.7e COPYRIGHT 1998, 2nd Edition 2001 SCOPE MINISTRIES INT'L INC

~

Expet1atiOl1\, Anger, and B~ Conclusion:

Expectations, anger, and bitterness all need to be recognized and acknowledgedto God. As we interact with our Heavenly Father, He will reveal to us the cause

so we can apply His solution. Although anger is common to all as a result of the

Fall! it is not the norm for the Spirit-filled Christian. Christ has truly set us free

from being controlled by anger and bitterness. The more we learn to walk by the

Spirit, the more love will be the controlling factor in our lives.

rSUMMARY:

1. Anger can result from blocked or unmet expectations or goals. God'ssolution for anger is to yield our expectations and rights to God.Unresolved anger leads tobittemess.

2. Bitterness can result from a perceived right that has been.violated.God's solution for bitterness begins with understanding and receivingGod's complete forgiveness.

3. By receiving God's forgiveness of us we can make a deliberate choice toforgive others.

A Life Transformedl con It.

0 COPYRIGHT 1998. 2nd Edition 2001 SCOPE MINISTRIES INT'L INC.7.8

~

Expectations Anger Bitterness

Resentment

Vengeance

Ingratitude

Depression

Throughout life, we all develop expectations. They are usually produced by comparing ourselves with others ("They get0, so why can't Ir') or from commitments people make or imply. Some expectations result from valid needs in our lives,

4Ich as being loved, accepted, and feeling secure. When those expectations are not met in the ways we want them to be

Jlet by others or by God, the emotional reaction is often anger.

The Bible says to "be angry, and yet do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). Anger becomes a problem when we deal with it

improperly. A way to safeguard against res~~iin~geris to yield our e~tions)Q~. In -'y!eldin,e;, I ~ to

I decide to trust Himand look to Him as the source of m contentment,' 0 , and seCuri instead of 100' to circumstances or to other Ie.

However, what if I don't recognize an expectation I have and I get angry? What if the anger remains in my heart an4 turnsinto bittern~? T~ deal with ~ger and ~itterness, I can choose t~ forgive ?thers for what has ~ppened.and relea.se them

from my expectations. God will deal WIth them, so I defer that nght to Him. If I do not deal WIth the bItterness, Its roots

grow down deeper and deeper into resentment, vengeance, and depression (Hebrews 12:15). I become unable to be

satisfied and focus totally on the unmet expectation and the one who failed to meet it. I become unable to see how God

is meeting my needs. But, what if the anger is at God? Then, I must make a choice to trust in God's loving and merciful

character, that He is working all circumstances in my life for the good (Romans 8:28) and that He will provide my every

need (philippians 4:19) in His way.

ASSIGNMENT:

1. list any incident in your past that causes ongoing hurt. List each person who has contributed to your hurts.

2. Ask God to make you willing to forgive these people, and even yourself, and to trust Him to work all together

for good.

3. By faith, choose to forgive the offenders by an act of your will, apart from what your emotions or reason are

telling you. Verbalize this choice to God. Trust God to change your feelings of anger and hurt in His timing.

7.21e COPYRIGHT INC.

Name Date

Answer the following questions. To turn in page to small group leader, use identical

perforated page in back of book.

4. Have you forgiven those who have hurt you? If not, what do you think are the

obstacles to forgiving them?

C COPYRIGHT 1998. 2nd Edition 2001 SCOPE MINISTRIES1NTL INC. 7.19 ..


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