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1 “SLEEPWALK” William Mastrosimone © William Mastrosimone 2004, 2010 Icarusplays.com
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“SLEEPWALK”
William Mastrosimone
© William Mastrosimone 2004, 2010 Icarusplays.com
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“SLEEPWALK”
Time: Now
Place: A dreamscape in Dillon’s head
Set: Bare stage with modular things as needed.
Cast:
Dillon Rock Star Conscience Amygdala Zen Master Thought police: Good cop, Bad cop Sigmund Freud Inner Child May Flowers
The action is continuous. The play is played without intermission.
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“SLEEPWALK”
(ELECTRIC GUITAR fades in. Sounds like someone working out a rhythm. PIN SPOT ON DILLON sprawled out on the stage on his back, asleep. The sound of the bass guitar wakes him. He sits up. Looks around. DILLON gets to his feet, searches for the sound of the bass guitar which seems to elude him. He recognizes the tune as his own. LIGHTS UP ON ROCK STAR, dressed all in black adorned with sequins, sitting on a chair messing with the bass guitar paying no mind to Dillon).
DILLON Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
ROCK STAR Go ‘head, Dillon. It’s your song. You play.
(DILLON takes the guitar and jams. He arrives at the chorus and sings:)
DILLON (singing to the music)
“Woke up from a sleepwalk/On a tightrope/over a dark abyss./And all my brave talk/and my false hope/go down following bliss.”
(ROCK STAR puts the rhythm together, plays it with verve. DILLON joins in. They jam and bring it to a rousing conclusion).
DILLON Whoa! I love that little thingy thing you put at the end. I just didn’t know where to go with it.
ROCK STAR First line is strong. Fits the music. But the second line—
DILLON I know.
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ROCK STAR Doesn’t work. What are you trying to say in the lyric?
DILLON I’m alittle fuzzy.
ROCK STAR That’s why the second line’s out of sync. How’d you come up with that?
DILLON Had a dream, and in the dream I was in a sleepwalk and woke up standing on a tightrope stretched across a dark abyss.
ROCK STAR
Whoa.
DILLON That’s what I said, and I wouldn’t let myself look down because I knew the abyss went on forever. I couldn’t go back, yet I didn’t know how to walk a tightrope. I can’t believe I’m even talking to maybe the greatest guitarist song writer in the world.
ROCK STAR One of many. Thank you.
DILLON That’s way too humble. You know how many times I slept on sidewalks in the rain in my ratty old sleeping bag to buy front row seats to your concerts?
ROCK STAR Eleven.
DILLON How would you know that?
ROCK STAR You’re the little twit that jumped up on stage and ripped a button off my shirt.
DILLON How can you remember me out of all those other—?
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ROCK STAR How could I forget a lunatic that was actually proud of getting cuffed and booked.
DILLON That’s how you know my name. The police told you. I just want you to know how much I appreciated you, you know, not pressing charges. Not a bad picture of me in the paper, eh? Front page, baby!
(DILLON strikes a pose resembling the newspaper picture of himself ripping a button of ROCK STAR’s shirt)
ROCK STAR That was stupid.
DILLON My finest moment.
ROCK STAR Breaking the law?
DILLON Being on stage.
ROCK STAR That’s not how you’re supposed to get there.
DILLON Can’t you cut me some slack? Hey, I’m a fan. I buy your music. I go to your concerts. I know all your lyrics by heart. I turn other kids on to you. We met another time, in Portland, when you threw yourself into the mosh pit. I was one of many kids who caught you, dude. You were awesome that night. My right palm was against your spine. Didn’t wash that sweaty palm for days. I knew that night I would follow in your footsteps.
ROCK STAR You don’t know what you’re saying.
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DILLON I knew that night I would be on that stage one day and throw myself into the mosh pit. After all, you’re only a few years older than I am. And now I’m immortal because I have your button.
ROCK STAR As immortal as the front page of the paper. Twenty four hours.
DILLON You know how many kids in school beg me to show that button?
(Shows the laminated button) They beg me. Beg me.
(Beat) But wait. You’re dead.
ROCK STAR Yes.
DILLON But I’m talking to you.
ROCK STAR Yes.
DILLON If you’re dead...
(Beat) Am I also dead?
ROCK STAR I’ve come here to warn you.
DILLON About what?
ROCK STAR You’re in big trouble.
DILLON What trouble?
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ROCK STAR You know what trouble.
DILLON No, what?
ROCK STAR That letter in your pocket.
DILLON What letter?
ROCK STAR The farewell letter you wrote to your parents.
DILLON What are you talking about?
ROCK STAR Why don’t we agree to be honest with one another.
DILLON I have no idea what you’re talking about.
ROCK STAR Dillon, I’m sorry I embarrassed you, okay?
DILLON You’ve got me mixed up with somebody else.
ROCK STAR Reach in your pocket. You’ll find a goodbye letter.
DILLON How would you know that? I mean, if it were true?
ROCK STAR You feel asleep on your bed.
DILLON What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
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ROCK STAR Dillon, you’re in terrible pain.
DILLON What pain?
ROCK STAR The pain of feeling small and alone. That’s why you wrote the letter.
DILLON You don’t know anything about my pain. Nobody knows what’s going on in my head, and there’s no letter.
ROCK STAR Dillon, let’s cut the noise, man. Show the letter to someone you trust.
DILLON That wouldn’t be you, dude. You’re nothing like I thought you’d be.
ROCK STAR About time you saw that was all an image created by press agents.
DILLON I don’t need this, dude. I’m out of this dream.
(Beat) Why can’t I wake up? Am I dead? Or…did I do it?
ROCK STAR No, you didn’t take your life but you’re as good as dead unless you talk to somebody.
DILLON You’re just a noisy scratch on the CD of my life.
ROCK STAR Your short life if you don’t listen to me.
DILLON No, you listen. Get out of my dream.
ROCK STAR Trust your impulse and show the letter to the music teacher. Tell her what’s on your mind.
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DILLON I don’t have any letter.
ROCK STAR It doesn’t bother you you’re lying with a straight face when you know you have a goodbye letter right there in your pocket.
DILLON My conscience is clear.
(ENTER DILLON’S CONSCIENCE, a female, dressed like a male Puritan).
CONSCIENCE What plaintive voice in the wilderness hath called upon his Conscience?
DILLON Who’s that?
ROCK STAR Your conscience.
DILLON My conscience?
ROCK STAR Of course.
DILLON A she?
ROCK STAR You never met?
DILLON What’s with the running shoes?
ROCK STAR Nobody outruns Conscience.
CONSCIENCE Methinks thou thinkest thy better part is but a will-o-the-wisp?
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(DILLON looks to ROCK STAR throughout for interpretation)
ROCK STAR She says she’s very real.
DILLON Why’s she talk like that?
CONSCIENCE Wherefore thy incredulity, O Somnambulist? Whensoever thou dost thou cast aspersions at thy better part, knoweth thou not thou dost cast aspersions at thyself? For I am thee and thou art me.
DILLON Whatever.
CONSCIENCE Thy impoverishment of language doth confine thee to smallness of spirit.
ROCK STAR Basically, she’s unimpressed with your verbal skills.
CONSCIENCE Why doth thou conceal thy missive pertaining to self-slaughter?
ROCK STAR She means the letter.
DILLON I get her drift and I’m outta here.
CONSCIENCE Thou dost flee for thou knowest thou shalt not prevaricate in mine presence.
DILLON No, I’m waking up any second now, so don’t wasteth thy breath.
CONSCIENCE Thou shalt remove thyself but not before thou are delivered from they benighted state. Behold thy tortured self, O Somnambulist.
DILLON
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What’s she talking about?
ROCK STAR She wants to show you the source of your pain.
DILLON What’s that, your favorite word, dude?
CONSCIENCE Nature requireth a score of years for completion of the lofty realm called pre-frontal cortex--the habitation of all things good in our view--logic, reason, control, discipline, organization, yea, civilization itself.
ROCK STAR She’s talking about the brain.
(CAST MEMBERS HOLD UP A WHITE BED SHEET THAT IS BACKLIT)
CONSCIENCE But until that cherished time when the pre frontal cortex doth rule thy life, another baser unspeakable realm overpowers thy brain from birth. This baser lesser brain is no greater than an almond yet contriveth day and night to overthrow all civility and promoteth that which thou needest for all modes of survival--impuleses to gain thy bread and meat; all predilections toward procreation and reproduction of thy species; what thou fearest; what thou fleest from; what thou fightest. Reckless youth oweth its gross and impulsive urges to a force aiming to overthrow the seat of civilization itself. Thy brain, like those of that troubled ilk called teen, hath not its full potential attained. Nature hath so ordained is so. The vile force of which I speak goeth by the name--Amygdala.
(A THUMPING RAP BEAT. ENTER AMYGDALA half naked, an oversized slice of pizza in one hand, a giant donut in the other, gallumphing around the stage. Rock Star withdraws to a dark spot where he observes while playing sounds appropriate to the action).
AMYGDALA Amygdala’s the name Emotion is my game.
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I deal it, you feel it, That’s my claim to fame. A-mig, A-mig, Amygdala, A.K.A. Mr. Big-Dalla. I am part of your brain. Do I need to explain? I am the boss, the king. My puppet on a string Is you. Boo-hoo. Whacha gonna do When I pull your string? You dance, you sing. (Snaps fingers) Snap love at first sight, You go high as a kite. You swoon, you loon, You bumbling buffoon. When I snap for rage. You a tiger in a cage Your heart’s a’racin’ For trouble you’re facin’. Let’s lay it on the line. You a teen? You are mine. Amygdala’s the name. Emotion is my game. I deal it, you feel it. That’s my claim to fame. A-mig, A-mig, Amygdala, Otherwise known as Mr. Big-Dalla. Can you dig-dalla? Yo.
DILLON (CONT’D) Whoa...
AMYGDALA Yeah, I’m pretty overwhelming.
(seeing ROCK STAR) I remember you! I kicked your butt many a time! Who’s the man?
ROCK STAR
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You.
AMYGDALA Who?
ROCK STAR You.
AMYGDALA Who?
ROCK STAR Amygdala.
AMYGDALA Don’t forget it, babe. Don’t you love the irony? You spent your life composing songs. Now you’ll spend eternity decomposing!
CONSCIENCE Thou art vile.
AMYGDALA What’s it Thanksgiving already? I love a babe in drag.
CONSCIENCE Reptilian.
AMYGDALA Thank you.
CONSCIENCE Disgusting.
AMYGDALA Don’t forget primal.
CONSCIENCE Base.
AMYGDALA Filthy.
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CONSCIENCE Contemptible.
AMYGDALA Scummy.
CONSCIENCE Unmentionable.
AMYGDALA But why’d you mention it? Could it be, deep down in the cockles of your heart, you dig a bad boy who’s crude, rude and up to no gud?
CONSCIENCE Dream on, swine.
AMYGDALA I love you too.
CONSCIENCE Sociopath.
AMYGDALA Puritan.
CONSCIENCE Amoeba.
AMYGDALA Don’t stop. That turns me on, babe.
CONSCIENCE Thou scamp! Thou rapscallion! Thou utter abomination!
AMYGDALA Ooo, baby, I love it when you talk dirty.
(to Dillon) See, Dill baby, you look at me with total disgust but you’re really looking at the real you and not liking what you see.
DILLON No.
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AMYGDALA You’re in denial.
DILLON I don’t think so.
CONSCIENCE Hail, virtuous Somnambulist!
AMYGDALA Hey, pass the cranberry sauce.
CONSCIENCE Make Count Crud thy enemy.
AMYGDALA Hang wit Miss Excitement over there, Dills, you mise well check in a nursing home. Yo, me and you, we’re gonna be buds.
DILLON Forget it. I want out of this dream.
AMYGDALA Somebody tell this greenhorn what the deal is.
DILLON What deal?
ROCK STAR If you want to wake up, you have to wrestle Amygdala.
DILLON Why?
ROCK STAR Because it’s a dream. Anything can happen in a dream. You have to go up against Amygdala.
AMYGDALA And win.
DILLON There’s no other way?
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CONSCIENCE Thy path is straight and narrow.
AMYGDALA Like somebody’s mind.
DILLON I can’t wrestle him. He’s...
AMYGDALA Does unbeatable, overwhelming, invincible, peerless, spring to mind?
CONSCIENCE Let not mere words sap thy will, oh sweet Somnambulist. Steel thyself and do brave battle with yon lump of corruption.
AMYGDALA I got your lump, babe.
CONSCIENCE Stop thy ears and make freedom and dignity thy mandate.
AMYGDALA Look, Dills, it’s no personal. This is my job. This is biology. I’m just a cog in a big machine called The Brain. Would you step in front of an on-coming train? Not in your right mind. So get with the program or I squash your spirit and kick it into next week. Is this a choice? So careful about advice from Little Miss High-Mindedness.
CONSCIENCE Consider well thy choice, brave Dillon. Wouldst thou be a scorned slave to Amygdala, or wouldst thou live free and be the master of thy fate? But I fear that fear hath been implanted in thy soul by the Sultan of Slobbery.
AMYGDALA I want you as bad as you want me, babe.
DILLON What is this? This is craziness. I can’t take it. I’m waking up now. Wake up! Let’s go! This has never been a problem before! Wake up! Wake up!
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AMYGDALA Excuse me but either I have a big imagination or you’re still here.
CONSCIENCE Only thy resistance to Amygdala shall win thy liberty to enter unto thy wakeful life.
DILLON Okay, let’s go, big boy. To the mat!
CONSCIENCE Praises to stalwart Somnambulist. But methinks thou wouldst benefit by sage advice.
DILLON Methinks you thinks screwy. It’s a rumble. So take-eth a walk-eth.
AMYGDALA Let’s shake on a fair fight.
(AMYGDALA proffers a handshake. DILLON takes his hand. AMYGDALA pulls DILLON off balance, gets him into a headlock, and shoves him away).
AMYGDALA (CONT'D) FEAR!
(DILLON SCREAMS and jumps a foot high).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) JOY!
(DILLON leaps with joy).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) BEWILDERMENT!
(DILLON becomes bewilderment).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) CONTEMPT!
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(DILLON drips with contempt)
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) AMAZEMENT!
(DILLON looks up at the stars, arms thrust out, dancing on his foot tips).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) RAGE!
(DILLON ROARS punching and kicking the air).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) JEALOUSY!
(DILLON contorts with jealousy, weeping, beating himself).
AMYGDALA (CONT’D) LUST!
(DILLON--whatever).
All in a day’s work, folks. Who’s the man?
DILLON Amygdala.
AMYGDALA Say what?
DILLON Amygdala.
AMYGDALA Can’t hear ya, baby!
DILLON Amygdala!
DILLON I feel like a character in a cruel video game.
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(SOUND OF AN ORIENTAL GONG that resonates for a long time. ENTER THE ZEN MASTER. He bows to Amygdala).
AMYGDALA Anybody order Chinese take-out?
DILLON The Zen Master from my video game!
ZEN MASTER (to Amygdala)
Please excuse for just a moment.
AMYGDALA You’re interrupting my act. Do you know who I am?
ZEN MASTER Yes, of course, and I am so so sorry. Just one moment please.
(bows to Dillon) At your service.
DILLON What do you mean service?
ZEN MASTER Do you wish for assistance in the overthrow your opponent?
DILLON Amygdala? Is it possible?
ZEN MASTER You must detach.
DILLON I don’t understand.
ZEN MASTER You must Zen it.
DILLON Zen it? What is Zen?
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ZEN MASTER Yes.
DILLON Yes what?
ZEN MASTER What Zen is.
DILLON But what is Zen?
ZEN MASTER Zen is what Zen is.
DILLON I feel something just went over my head.
AMYGDALA Excuse me. You interrupted me. I was in the middle of kicking Dillon’s butt. I’m on a tight schedule.
ZEN MASTER (to Amygdala)
My apologies. One moment, please.
AMYGDALA You said that a moment ago.
ZEN MASTER One person’s moment is another person’s eternity.
AMYGDALA Don’t get deep on me, bud. I like to keep it simple.
ZEN MASTER One more moment. Please excuse. So sorry.
DILLON How do I keep him from kicking my butt? He pushes my buttons and I jump like a thing from Toys R Us.
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ZEN MASTER You must resist these impulses.
DILLON How?
ZEN MASTER Detach.
DILLON How?
ZEN MASTER Detach who you are from the impulse.
DILLON How? He’s big. He’s strong. He’s quick. I’m not.
ZEN MASTER The hurricane is big and strong and quick, but it does not uproot a blade of grass. A single blade of grass bends with the wind. And when the hurricane exhausts itself into nothingness, the blade of grass resumes its upright position.
DILLON Cool.
ZEN MASTER The strongest impulse, no matter how big and strong and quick, does not last. The wheel of feeling turns. It comes on strong, then it is less so, and then even less so, and then it disappears. You must learn to outlast impulse. You must learn endurance. Thus you will defeat Amygdala.
DILLON I wish I believed you.
ZEN MASTER One cannot win with a pessimistic outlook.
DILLON So how can I get me some optimism, like quick?
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(ZEN MASTER reaches in one pocket for a glass, in the other pocket for a water bottle, pours till the glass is half filled).
ZEN MASTER Is the glass half empty or half full?
DILLON Half full.
ZEN MASTER Wrong.
DILLON Half empty.
ZEN MASTER Wrong.
DILLON Wait a minute! It’s got to be one or the other.
ZEN MASTER Wrong.
DILLON If it’s not half full and not half empty, what is it?
ZEN MASTER Correct.
DILLON You can’t have it both ways.
ZEN MASTER Wrong.
DILLON Who’s on first?
ZEN MASTER My bicycle speaks French.
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DILLON What are you smoking, dude?
AMYGDALA CONFUSION.
DILLON I’m confused.
ZEN MASTER Half empty or half full?
DILLON I don’t know! Tell me!
ZEN MASTER Half full or half empty?
DILLON The glass is...
ZEN MASTER Correct.
DILLON I didn’t finish. I was about to say the glass is--
ZEN MASTER Correct.
DILLON The glass is?
ZEN MASTER The glass is.
DILLON So it doesn’t matter if it’s half full or half empty. Don’t be pessimistic, don’t be optimistic. Just accept that the glass is.
(A GONG. ZEN MASTER bows to DILLON)
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ZEN MASTER Satori.
AMYGDALA Gentlemen, I think I can shed some light on this philosophical conundrum.
(AMYGDALA takes the glass, drinks it dry)
The glass is irrefutably empty.
(ZEN MASTER bows to Dillon and then to AMYGDALA. EXIT ZEN MASTER. DILLON pushes AMYGDALA). DILLON
You’re always out to trip me up. I’m calling you out, Amygdala. I now have enlightenment!
AMYGDALA Just so happens I have the antidote to enlightenment. Remember the argument your parents had late one night? It woke you out of a deep sleep? First time you ever heard them say the big bad D word… “divorce”?
(Getting DILLON in a choke hold) ANXIETY, DESPAIR, HOPELESSNESS, PANIC, ANGER, SORROW Let’s just simplify and call it deep dark debilitating DEPRESSION. You’re tired. You need to lie down and sleep. But you can’t really sleep well. You awake you are more tired than when you went to sleep. That makes you more vulnerable to BOREDOM and IMPATIENCE.
(AMYGDALA brings DILLON down. DILLON collapses on stage and curls into a fetal position).
Now I start unleashin’ Hormonal secretion. It runs like a spigot, Yeah, I can be wicked. Sometimes it’s milk from mom Sometimes, a carbomb. Boom! You are down, dude. Boom! Play the clown, dude. So pack it in, call it quits. At the end of your wits You will call me Pharoh, the Man,
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Godfather with the upper hand. Emotion you can’t refuse. Resist me, dude, you lose. There’s no callin’ nine-one-one. When you deal wit Attila the Hun.
(Beat) Somebody needs to have a talk with this kid.
ROCK STAR
Dillon, talk to me.
DILLON Down for the count.
ROCK STAR You have to get up.
DILLON Hurts too much to be alive. I just want to disappear.
AMYGDALA It gives me a profound satisfaction to know I’ve reached out and made a difference in someone’s life.
ROCK STAR Try to get up and move.
DILLON Go way.
ROCK STAR I can’t. I care.
DILLON Go care about something else.
ROCK STAR After I offed myself, you didn’t trust yourself anymore. You couldn’t imagine tomorrow. You couldn’t even see the next hour. You only could see
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bad things in your life. You thought you’d feel bad for eternity. It didn’t help you were stricken by an onslaught of emotions...
AMYGDALA FEAR. EMBARRASSMENT. TERROR. SUSPICION.
ROCK STAR That’s when you wrote the letter.
(AMYGDALA makes a siren sound).
AMYGDALA STIGMA. MORTIFICATION. EMBARRASSMENT.
DILLON Why’d you off yourself. You were on top of the world.
ROCK STAR I didn’t know I was on top of the world. I only saw my pain.
DILLON Makes no sense. How could you not see your new CD going through the roof in sales? How could you not see your private plane and the world tour and limos, talk shows, your mansion.
ROCK STAR Two.
DILLON Doesn’t make sense. ROCK STAR No, it makes no sense because all I had to do was tell one person.
ROCK STAR Because I was too famous, too proud, too embarrassed. Like you, I didn’t see the danger of thinking about offing myself. I just wanted relief from my pain. But as the pain grew, I thought about relief, any relief. I was supposed to be superhuman, so I couldn’t tell anyone, just like you don’t want to tell anyone and be seen as the school crazy kid. I couldn’t sleep without alcohol. I couldn’t wake up or get through the day without drugs. A few times I collapsed on stage. I needed a friend. Just one simple friend to help me get help. But all I had was managers and groupies and fans by the horde. I was a burned out rocker killing myself by inches. All I could hear was people
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cheering me on. People like you. I knew all I had to do was pick up the phone. But my depression made a simple call seem monumental. My life was a Big Lie. And you believed it. Just like people believed your Big Lie.
DILLON What lie?
ROCK STAR You told your friend May Flowers you met me.
DILLON How do you know all this? Are you CIA?
ROCK STAR You never met me. Why did you tell her that?
(LIGHTS INDICATE A FLASHBACK. DILLON gets to his feet as MAY FLOWERS ENTERS. SHE is holding a newspaper and is terribly excited to see a really energized DILLON).
MAY FLOWERS But how’d you get on stage? There are guards.
DILLON I’m down in the mosh pit. I say to these two bodybuilder dudes, Yo, grab me by the feet and help me up there. And they go, Dude, you might get hurt? And I say, So what, it will hurt worse if I don’t try! So they launch me up on stage. So I land on my feet!
MAY FLOWERS Did you touch him?
DILLON (giving her the button)
Touch him? I pulled his button off.
MAY FLOWERS Did they put you in jail?
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DILLON They cuffed me and were gonna arrest me for incitement of riot in a public place but the dude said--
(doing Rock Star’s voice) “I’m not pressing charges; I did the same thing when I was a kid.” Then he invited me up to the hotel suite with the band.
MAY FLOWERS Whoa, Dills, Dill, king of the hill! Must’ve blown your date away!
DILLON She sorta stood me up. I tried to call you to see if you wanted to go--
MAY FLOWERS Of all nights to play bingo with old ladies!
DILLON Your parents said you were out. So I went alone.
MAY FLOWERS So you went up in their hotel room?
DILLON Suite. Penthouse Presidential Suite. It was so wordless, May. So they ordered like a dozen pizzas and beer and we just chilled.
MAY FLOWERS So what’s he like?
DILLON We both said the same thing about each other. We felt like brothers who found each other. He’s just so unbelievably...I don’t know...just like we knew each other since forever.
MAY FLOWERS Oh, Dill, Dill, my vitamin pill!
DILLON So he hands me his strat--
MAY FLOWERS C’mon!
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DILLON And he hands me his fender strat and goes, Let me hear something, and I play, right, I mean, May, I made that strat growl like a bear. Then he picks up another strat and we start jammin’.
MAY FLOWERS Dills, I’m gonna get a heart attack.
DILLON So I look at my watch and it’s after four in the morning. He laughs cuz he knows I’m gonna be in trouble and goes to his limo driver, Take my friend home. So before I go, he says, You know, man, you are the NBT. I go, What’s NBT? He says, Next Big Thing.
MAY FLOWERS Whoa! How cool was that? But what’d your parents say?
DILLON Don’t ask. Lucky for me they argued half the night with each other about it. Like out of the blue, my dad said he wants a divorce.
MAY FLOWERS Dil, no way you caused that.
DILLON I know. But still. Whatever.
MAY FLOWERS Kids can’t call you wannabe rocker anymore. Not with your picture in the paper.
(LIGHTS RESUME TO PRESENT TIME. EXIT MAY FLOWERS. DILLON looks at ROCK STAR).
ROCK STAR You made it up. She’s a friend of yours. And you lied to her. You lied to everyone. The police made your dad pick you up.
DILLON I’m an entertainer. Like you. I was entertaining my friend May.
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ROCK STAR With a big lie.
DILLON Semantics.
ROCK STAR The Big Lie put you in a box.
DILLON So who did I hurt?
ROCK STAR You. When you crowned yourself the NBT, you stopped living for yourself. You wanted kids at school to see you as you saw yourself.
DILLON Shut up. You make me sick.
ROCK STAR Kids who wouldn’t give you the time of day now wanted to see the button, to hear how you jammed with me.
DILLON Shut up.
ROCK STAR But when I was gone, gone was the earth beneath your feet. The fickle crowd only saw you in my shadow. That’s the name of your pain. You thought you could cop a tude and be me. Well let me tell you about me, NBT.
DILLON Just shut up.
ROCK STAR If I could come back as I was or a stray dog on the street, I’d come back as the dog, because at least a dog can breathe the air and feel the sun and appreciate being alive. Appreciate every heartbeat. Appreciate every day. Appreciate friendship and caring. What I did was a mistake, my friend. An awful stupid unthinking mistake. I hear the same pain in you that I heard in the deepest recesses of my soul.
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DILLON You don’t know what you’re talking about, dead rocker boy.
ROCK STAR You taped the T.V. coverage of my death and played it over and over, live rocker boy.
DILLON How would you know all this?
ROCK STAR But the pain was only soothed when you tried to get into my funeral. Guards stopped you and a thousand other fans. So you came up with the idea of throwing another funeral at the front gate of my mansion. You all made a memorial of flowers and teddy bears and cards to me. You tore my picture out of the newspaper and stuffed into cigarette pack for a coffin and buried me under a street sign that read ONE WAY. Kids busted out instruments and played my songs. It turned into a street party. Local, national, and world cameras swarmed around the famous kid who dared to jump on the stage when he broke into an eulogy...
(LIGHTS INDICATE A FLASHBACK).
DILLON What can you say about a dude who transformed rock before he was 21? His music will live forever. Better his life than be one of these grayhair rockers that don’t know when to quit the stage. He said at a concert, Better to burn out than fade out. I’d rather be like him...a flaming meteor streaking across the sky and exploding before all the world than a dull little star way back there in the universe of rock.
(LIGHTS RESUME PRESENT TIME. DILLON lies on his bed).
ROCK STAR You went home and laid on your bed in a dark room. You imagined your funeral. You imagined yourself me. Dead. You imagined the worshippers, the cameras.
AMYGDALA SELF-PITY
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ROCK STAR It gave you pleasure.
DILLON So what?
ROCK STAR You savored it.
DILLON So what?
ROCK STAR It was a little movie you wrote, produced, directed, and starred in called “Dillon’s Funeral.”
(LIGHTS INDICATE A FLIGHT OF FANCY).
MAY FLOWERS I’m a little nervous. I never delivered a urology before.
(ROCK STAR whispers in her ear) O, sorry. Eulogy. My vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever. In case you don’t know me, I am a friend...Geez, now I have to learn to speak in the past tense. I was a friend of Dillon’s. My name is May Flowers. What can I say? My parents are hippies. My relationship with Dillon was purely tectonic. I was the drummer in his band. When I got hospitalized for my eating thing, the band broke up.
(Beat) In my mind the days of the week are like islands, and on Monday you have to jump in the water and swim all day, trying to keep your head up, and at night you get to rest on the Island of Monday. But on Tuesday, same thing. After Friday, you get to rest on the big island of Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes the water is deep and turbulent, sometimes calm, with all kinds of fish that torment you while you just trying to survive. But you have to swim, tired or not, hungry or not, sick or not, you have to swim, you have to exert yourself, day and night. Most kids make it. Some don’t. The ones who make it have a philosophy. It’s like the swimmies that little kids wear to keep them up in a pool. A buoy. But some kids don’t have swimmies. Maybe somebody forgot to give ‘em swimmies when they’re born. And they get tired trying to keep their heads above water and they come to a place where they can’t swim anymore, and they don’t really want to die, but they
33
just can’t keep swimming and they want sleep. They just want a break. I think Dillon just lost his swimmies.
(beat) Now I know I’m supposed to say something nice about Dillon. I could say he wrote me every week when I was in the hospital, that he doesn’t forget his friends when they’re far away. I could say he played a mean fender strat. I could say he sometimes got depressed. That says he’s like a lot of other kids. I mean I think we have an epidermic in this country. I know so many kids hanging on by their fingernails. Kids who need a friend but don’t trust anybody enough to say how much they hurt inside and ask for help. When you think about it, the world being so overpopulated, and here are these kids who can’t find one person. I mean, it’s iconic. If you had special eyes, you would see these same kids walking around with poison arrows in their hearts slowly killing them. But I digest. Ultimately, about Dillon, I have to say he was a jerk.
DILLON What? How could you say that about me?
MAY FLOWERS Excuse me, but you’re not supposed to like talk at your own funeral.
DILLON Says who?
MAY FLOWERS Like everybody and their mother. It’s like an unwritten rule thing, okay?
DILLON Where is everybody? Where are my parents, my relatives, my friends?
MAY FLOWERS I think you just picked a bad time to check out, Dill.
DILLON Bad time? How could they just think of themselves at a time like this?
MAY FLOWERS Maybe they’re asking that about you, too, Dills, so like shut up. Now I lost my place. Where was I?
DILLON
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“He was a jerk.”
MAY FLOWERS So chalk up another stressed kid down the drain.
DILLON Can’t you talk about my songs?
MAY FLOWERS Sorry. When you go down that road, you don’t get to choose what people think about you. Before I was so rudely interrupted, I was about to say, wherever Dillon is, I do not have one aorta of doubt that he regrets what he did.
(LIGHTS RESUME TO PRESENT TIME. EXIT MAY FLOWERS)
ROCK STAR You played “Dillon’s Funeral” in your head around the clock.
DILLON So what? Doesn’t everybody have fantasies?
ROCK STAR Yeah, fantasies that make life more exciting. Your little movie was dangerous.
DILLON How can a fantasy be dangerous? By definition a fantasy is a big nothing.
ROCK STAR You saw yourself laid out in the coffin. At peace. You enjoyed it. Yeah it was a fantasy. Until you saw it as the answer to all your pain. It was only a fantasy until you let it block out all other thoughts. You watched your movie until it was your only thought.
DILLON So I think about unicorns and flying saucers. I think about Humpty Dumpty and being famous. It’s just a thought. It’s not a button. It’s not a guitar. It’s not even smoke. It’s nothing.
(SUDDEN SIRENS. ENTER THE THOUGHT POLICE wearing trenchcoats and sunglasses).
35
DILLON Who are you?
GOOD COP Are you Dillon?
DILLON Maybe.
(READING THEIR FLASHED BADGES)
The Thought Police?
AMYGDALA FEAR.
BAD COP You have an I.D.?
DILLON Library card. What’s this all about?
GOOD COP We understand somebody around here was thinking deep six.
DILLON Sorry?
BAD COP Eternal shut-eye.
GOOD COP A sudden case of rigor mortis.
BAD COP The Adios Grande.
GOOD COP A wooden overcoat.
BAD COP Check out time.
GOOD COP Bye-bye world. You savvy?
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DILLON Is that like against the law?
GOOD COP It’s against the laws of nature.
DILLON What do you mean?
BAD COP What do you know about a guy named Dumpty?
DILLON Humpty Dumpty?
BAD COP That’s right.
DILLON I heard he fell off a wall.
BAD COP Fell? Or was he pushed?
DILLON I heard he fell.
BAD COP Maybe somebody pushed him.
DILLON I wouldn’t know.
BAD COP Maybe Dumpty knew something, eh? Maybe Dumpty knew something about a guy with a goodbye letter in his pocket. Maybe somebody wanted to shut Dumpty up.
DILLON All I heard is he had a great fall.
GOOD COP Where were you at the time?
37
DILLON I don’t know when he fell, so how could I know where I was?
BAD COP It takes a special kind of low-life to do a guy like Dumpty. Beloved of kids all around the world. A good egg. You pushed him, didn’t you, Dillon? You went up on the wall, and you pushed Dumpty off the wall, didn’t you, Dillon?
DILLON No, no, I wouldn’t do something like that.
BAD COP Maybe you tried to talk to him.
DILLON No, no.
BAD COP But you had to shut him up.
DILLON No, no.
BAD COP You yelled. He yelled.
DILLON No, no.
BAD COP You snapped. You pushed him.
DILLON No, no.
BAD COP You got Murder One written all over your face.
DILLON
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I didn’t push him! All I did was rip the wallpaper!
GOOD COP What wallpaper?
DILLON In my room. When I was a kid. The wallpaper it had all nursery rhyme characters. The cow jumping over the moon. Jack Horner. Little Miss Muffit. And Humpty Dumpty. He was a big cracked egg at the bottom of a wall. Out of the crack oozed this big ugly yolk. And Humpty was always staring at me. No matter where I stood in the room. I’d go to bed and wake up and see Humpty’s sad face.
BAD COP So you did him, didn’t you, Dillon?
DILLON No. All I did was scratch the wallpaper with my fingernails. Pealed it away. Little by little. I pealed Humpty’s face away until there was just the clean white plaster. I’m innocent.
BAD COP You rubbed out Dumpty in your mind, didn’t you, Dillon?
DILLON I was a passing thought. What’s the big deal?
BAD COP What you think can kill ya, kid.
GOOD COP Be careful what you allow in your head.
BAD COP You ever been up on a grassy knoll?
DILLON I don’t know anything about a grassy knoll. Am I under arrest?
GOOD COP Let’s just say you’re a person of interest. Don’t leave town.
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DILLON Leave town? I can’t even wake up.
GOOD COP There’s a cloud over your head, kid.
DILLON I’m depressed.
GOOD COP
But if you want to clear your name, you need to do a brainscan.
DILLON A brainscan?
BAD COP To show the world you’ve got nothing to hide.
DILLON Let’s get it over with.
(CAST MEMBERS HOLD UP THE BEDSHEET. THE COPS PLACE A SPAGHETTI COLANDER WITH ELABORATE COLORED WIRES ON DILLON’S HEAD).
GOOD COP Are you now or have you ever been a player of air guitar in your room?
DILLON No.
(ON THE BED-SHEET: WE SEE A DILLON DOPPELGANGER PLAYING AIR GUITAR WHILE SOME WILD ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF IS PLAYED TO THE DEAFENING DECIBELS OF ADORING FANS).
DILLON (CONT’D) That’s not me! My hair’s not that long!
40
GOOD COP That’s your True Self.
DILLON It can’t be! I don’t dance!
GOOD COP You do in your mind.
(THE BED-SHEET GOES BLACK).
GOOD COP Have you ever written a farewell letter?
DILLON No.
(ON THE BED-SHEET: WE SEE THE DILLON DOPPLEGANGER writing in a notebook, rips out the page, folds it, stuffs it in his pocket).
DILLON (CONT’D) That’s ridiculous!
(THE BED-SHEET GOES BLACK).
GOOD COP Have you ever, or do you now, have intimate feelings for May Flowers?
DILLON No.
(ON THE BED-SHEET: WE SEE THE DILLON DOPPLEGANGER MAKING OUT WITH MAY FLOWERS).
DILLON (CONT’D) I never did that!
GOOD COP You have in your mind.
41
DILLON This is not a brainscan! This is psychoanalysis!
(THE BED-SHEET GOES BLACK. AND THEN THE IMPOSING FIGURE OF SIGMUND FREUD LOOMS ON THE BED-SHEET. DR. FREUD WEARS GLASSES AND HOLDS A NOTEBOOK AND PEN).
SIGMUND FREUD How do you do.
DILLON (CONT’D) Who is that?
GOOD COP You don’t know? That’s Sigmund Freud.
SIGMUND FREUD Pleased to make your acquaintance.
DILLON This is creeping me out--How can that be Sigmund Freud? He’s dead!
GOOD COP Not in your mind.
DILLON This is crazy!
SIGMUND FREUD Vhat a verd choice. So tell more about tearing zah vallpaper.
DILLON There’s nothing more to tell. I didn’t like the look on Humpty’s face, so I tore off the wallpaper. Wait a minute.
SIGMUND FREUD Tell me about zah look on zah face of Humpty Dumpty?
DILLON This is so...childish.
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SIGMUND FREUD Yes. Vhat vas zah look?
DILLON Sad. His look was sad.
SIGMUND FREUD And zah cause of zah sadness?
DILLON Like he was in terrible pain.
SIGMUND FREUD Vaht kind of zah pain?
DILLON Knowing there was no hope the kings horses and men could put him back together again.
SIGMUND FREUD There vhas no hope?
DILLON He was so broken...so...fragile.
SIGMUND FREUD Perhaps...like you?
DILLON What do you mean?
SIGMUND FREUD Do you feel fragile and broken? Do you live vis-out zah hope of being put back together? Do you see yourself a fragile egg zhat fell off zah vall?
DILLON Sorta. Yeah.
(Beat) Excuse me, but how much is this gonna cost? I don’t know if my parents can afford it.
SIGMUND FREUD Not to worry for zhat.
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(SOUND OF A CRYING BABY)
DILLON What’s that?
SIGMUND FREUD Your Inner Child.
DILLON My what?
SIGMUND FREUD Zah innocent part of you. Zah voonded part of you.
DILLON Aww, man, why can’t I wake up?
SIGMUND FREUD You must embrace zah voonded Inner Child in you.
DILLON I am not voonded!
(ENTER DILLON’S INNER CHILD THROUGH THE BED-SHEET in baby clothes, WAILING, gesturing to DILLON to be picked up).
INNER CHILD Uppy! Uppy!
(INNERCHILD gestures to be picked up).
DILLON Where’s your mother?
(INNER CHILD points to DILLON) How could I be your mother? I’m a male. Where is your father?
(INNER CHILD points to DILLON) How could I be your father? I can’t even get a date.
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INNER CHILD (gesturing to be held)
Pwese?
DILLON Awww, man...
INNER CHILD I whuve you.
DILLON You don’t whuve me. I don’t whuve you.
(INNER CHILD WAILS) Look, I’m just trying to wake up here. Grow up!
(INNER CHILD SHEDS TODDLER COSTUME REVEALING )
INNER CHILD Tell me a stowy?
DILLON Once upon a time there was a little bratface. The end. Now get out of my life.
INNER CHILD I’m rubber, you’re glue! What you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
(INNER CHILD SHEDS COSTUME REVEALING AN 8 YEAR OLD LOOK)
DILLON You don’t sound like a child anymore.
INNER CHILD (like a 10 year old)
I think it was the quality time we spent together.
(INNER CHILD SHEDS COSTUME REVEALING THE 10 YEAR OLD LOOK)
DILLON What do you want from me?
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INNER CHILD I just want you to pay attention to me.
DILLON Maybe you’re someone else’s Inner Child.
INNER CHILD No. I’m yours.And I can prove it!
DILLON How? How can you prove it?
INNER CHILD I know everything about you.
DILLON Name one thing I never told anyone. Something only I would know.
INNER CHILD If I name your dirty little secret you have to do what I say.
DILLON Assuming that I have a dirty little secret. What?
INNER CHILD In your pocket, you have a farewell letter to our parents.
DILLON And how would you know that? If it’s true.
INNER CHILD I was there when you wrote it.
AMYGDALA EMBARRASSMENT.
INNER CHILD You flipped open your notebook to a blank page.
AMYGDALA ANGER.
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INNER CHILD You thought about our life. You compared your life to that rock star. By our age--
DILLON By my age he was somebody.
INNER CHILD Somebody in a band.
DILLON A band in demand.
INNER CHILD On the road.
DILLON Under contract.
INNER CHILD Making CDs.
DILLON In a rock vid on MTV.
INNER CHILD And you thought about your life.
DILLON I’m still under my parents’ thumb.
INNER CHILD His first car was a Porsche.
DILLON That he bought himself.
INNER CHILD It’s pathetic. I can’t even afford to buy guitar strings.
INNER CHILD You thought about catching up.
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DILLON I could never catch up.
INNER CHILD Never.
DILLON I’m nothing.
INNER CHILD Nothing.
DILLON I’m no-where.
INNER CHILD No-where.
DILLON I’m nobody.
INNER CHILD Nobody.
DILLON Nobody.
INNER CHILD Nobody.
DILLON Nobody.
INNER CHILD Nobody.
DILLON A big so-what.
INNER CHILD Nobody.
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DILLON Nobody.
(INNER CHILD fetches a small waste basket lined with a plastic white trash bag...Pulls out a crumpled ball of paper. Smooths it out).
INNER CHILD And you wrote this note.
DILLON Don’t!
INNER CHILD “To all you high school losers, before you tore me apart, I did it myself. Ha ha. This should entertain you for a day or two. Until the next victim comes along.”
AMYGDALA MOR-TIF-I-CA-TION.
INNER CHILD You crumpled the note into a ball and threw a longshot to the wastepaper basket. Two points. You set up your vidcam.
(DILLON takes the sheet. Makes a hood for himself).
DILLON Get out of my life! Who needs this? Nobody.
INNER CHILD I just want you to pay attention to me! I exist!
DILLON Get out!
INNER CHILD I am still alive inside you!
DILLON Out!
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INNER CHILD Nobody.
AMYGDALA SADNESS. SELF-PITY.
DILLON You go away too!
AMYGDALA SHAME. ANXIETY.
DILLON Leave me alone!
ROCK STAR The night you wrote the goodbye letter, you saw your life through a keyhole. All you could see was your pain. Tunnel vision.
DILLON Tunnel what?
ROCK STAR Your world got smaller and smaller.
AMYGDALA TERROR.
INNER CHILD And you wrote another note. “I’m sorry. This was the only way out. D. P.S. My favorite shirt is at the dry cleaners. I’d like to be buried in it.”
DILLON Shut up! Shut up!
AMYGDALA HOPE...LESS...NESS.
ROCK STAR “Only way out” of what?
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DILLON This! This dream! Of you! Of them! If I can’t wake up, does that mean I’m dead?
ROCK STAR That’s usually what it means. You went from a kid in the world to a kid in his room to a kid in his own head, a darkness more vast, more empty, than all of outer space.
DILLON Why can’t I wake from this?
DILLON Nobody understands. Nobody
(VIDEO OF DILLON SPEAKING TO CAMERA, projected onto the bedsheet).
DILLON (on video)
...understands this kind of hurtful emptiness unless they suffered it too. So what can I say? I know I shouldn’t do this, May, but I also know I can’t walk in that school on Monday. It’s a thousand-headed monster. All those mumbling faces. So eager to tear anyone apart. All for daily entertainment. I can’t even explain it to myself, so how can I tell you? Please tell my parents thanks for all they did for me. They won’t believe me if I say it. I just can’t walk in that school Monday. Too much. Too too much. I can’t keep feeling like this. No one had anything to do with this. I wanted to see you one more time but. I couldn’t say all this to your face. I’m not as strong as you. You might even have talked me out of it. So thanks for being my good friend. Have a good life. I’m sick of it all. I just want it to be over.
(END VIDEO.).
AMYGDALA Deep dark DEPRESSION.
( DILLON snatches the sheet, wraps himself in it, curls up on the floor)
CONSCIENCE Canst thou not raise thyself to joust with Amygdala?
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DILLON If I can’t beat Amygdala, I can’t wake up, and if I can’t wake up, I might as well be dead.
CONSCIENCE Thy spirit wilteth, Dillon.
DILLON What good are you? You just tag along and nag. My life is over. I’m just waiting for death to catch up.
CONSCIENCE Thou hast quit this terra ferma, Dillon. Thou dost drift off to some lone habitation in thy mind. Where art thou, Dillon?
DILLON I’m in a rocket capsule orbiting high above the earth. My capsule approaches the mother station. But something goes terribly wrong. My capsule overshoots. It misses by inches. My capsule drifts off in outer space. I look back. Command control cannot change it now. I cannot stop it. Voices come over the radio speakers but I do not answer. What’s the use? I feel nothing as I drift deeper and deeper and deeper into the dark nothingness of space.
(LIGHTS INDICATE A FLASHBACK. ENTER MAY FLOWERS marveling over a stack of CDs in her hand, as well as a video casette).
MAY FLOWERS I love them all. But why are you giving these to me?
DILLON I’m bored of them.
MAY FLOWERS Bored? This one’s still in cellophane.
DILLON Whatever.
MAY FLOWERS What’s on the video?
52
DILLON Check it out.
MAY FLOWERS Let’s go out and get something to eat?
DILLON Not hungry.
MAY FLOWERS Let’s just get out of this dreary place.
DILLON I don’t want to see anybody. I just want to sleep.
MAY FLOWERS Alright. Here’s the deal. If I make you smile, you have to let me take you out for a pizza. Ready?
(Beat) Here is a fact. Do you realize that if you took all the computers in the world and laid them end to end...you’d probably be arrested.
(Beat) You smiled!
DILLON Did not.
MAY FLOWERS Your lips moved.
DILLON May, I just want to be alone.
MAY FLOWERS What’s up with you?
DILLON Nothing.
MAY FLOWERS You know, it’s hard being friends with the Great Sphinx of Egypt. Speak, O Great Sphinx.
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DILLON What do you want me to say?
MAY FLOWERS You could TALK to me.
DILLON We’re talking.
MAY FLOWERS No. I’m talking. You’re playing hide-and-seek. When you get into one of your moods, I have to be the beggar at your door. Why can’t you just talk to me, O Great Sphinx? I’m frustrated because I know you’re in some kind of trouble and I don’t know how to help and this is wasting my time. I have a big biology test tomorrow--parts of the brain and their functions--and like I really needed this grade to maintain my mediocrity.
(LONG PAUSE)
DILLON Both my parents got lawyers. Divorce lawyers. Feels like everything’s coming apart. I dread Monday.
MAY FLOWERS Will you shut up? You talk too much. Just kidding, Dills. I’m trying to make you smile. What’s Monday?
DILLON Everybody knows what’s-his-face took his own life, and it’s like I’m chained to him.
MAY FLOWERS But you’re not, Dills.
DILLON And you know they’re going to say things. I’m made of glass. People could see right through me. Any little bump could shatter me in a thousand pieces. I just wish I could disappear. I’m never walking in that school again. I can’t take the humiliation.
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MAY FLOWERS Dillon, please. School is one big humiliation bath. In ice water with sandpaper soap.
(beat) Hey, Dil, are you thinking about hurting yourself?
DILLON Who are you, the Thought Police?
MAY FLOWERS Hey, I need to see your face everyday in the hall. Keeps me sane. You hear me?
(Beat. Dillon doesn’t answer. Imitating Dillon)
“Yeah, May, I hear you. I was just, you know, a little embarrassed by your question because I don’t like taking about private stuff because that’s what friends do and I just want to continue pretending to be your friend.”
(as herself) I’m sorry to embarrass you, Dills, but I’m not gonna let a little thing like embarrassment stand in the way of our friendship.
(as Dillon) “And you know, May, I appreciate you being here for me.”
(as herself) I know you do, Dill Pickle.
DILLON I hate when you call me that.
MAY FLOWERS Excuse me, but you’re interrupting a conversation between me and the Dil-of-my-mind who cleverly dodged my question. You know, when your letters came to the hospital, you reminded me of a little bit of good in my life, and I wanted to live, so I owe you one, Dill Pickle. There was a plastic tube in my nose and down my throat, with respiratory failure, kidney failure, liver failure. After all the binging and purging and cutting and the hell I created for myself in between, I was never so happy to be a failure in my life. I saw I didn’t really want to die. I just ran out of ways to deal with the pain I was in. All my reasons that put me in the ICU were just wrong, false, stupid delusions. I was just sick of being sad all the time. And I said to myself, Ms.Flowers--because I was not yet on a first name basis with my true self at that point--I said Ms. Flowers, what makes you happy? Playing in the band
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with Dills. All the laughs and the screaming fights and the times we tricked a melody out of the strings and we rocked. And I said I am going to do whatever it takes to get back there again. So I chose to be thankful for the good stuff in my life. Like you. Oh, I embarrassed you again! And that’s why I am here today. So I ask you again: Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
DILLON I’m thinking about making the pain stop.
MAY FLOWERS Do you pray?
DILLON Why would God stop running the universe to hear from a miserable loser like me?
MAY FLOWERS God never gives you more than you can handle.
DILLON Oh, don’t tell me: you had lunch with God and he confided all that in you.
MAY FLOWERS Let’s pray together.
DILLON I pray you leave me alone and just go.
MAY FLOWERS Hey, cut yourself a break. Your bud died. You’re sad because you can’t do anything about it. And you’re mad because you can’t bring him back. So get off your own back. I declare today “Be Nice to Dill Pickle Day.” All must obey, even Dill Pickle himself. C’mon, let’s go for ice cream.
DILLON May…
MAY FLOWERS A walk.
DILLON Please.
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A movie.
DILLON I just want to sleep, okay? Is that okay with you? So stop nice-ing me and just let me sleep.
(SHE writes her phone number in the palm of his hand).
MAY FLOWERS My phone number. I’m seven digits away. Ten if you count the area code.
DILLON I didn’t mean to talk to you like that.
MAY FLOWERS Grovel, dirtbag. Just kidding. I know who you are, Dills, and I know that wasn’t really you.
DILLON Do you ever get the feeling that we’re all like knights in armor peering through the eye-slits at each other, and we really don’t know anyone for real, and we’re all so alone?
MAY FLOWERS Yeah, like everyday.
(DILLON puts his hand on something in his pocket). DILLON
May?
ROCK STAR Show her the letter.
DILLON Take the CD’s.
MAY FLOWERS
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Dills, I get the feeling you’re saying goodbye to me. Are you being straight with me?
ROCK STAR Tell her.
DILLON I’m feeling better now.
MAY FLOWERS Sure?
DILLON Sure I’m sure.
MAY FLOWERS Can I like stay here to make sure you’re sure?
ROCK STAR If I had a friend like her, I wouldn’t be dead.
DILLON I just need some sleep.
MAY FLOWERS It’s so hard to leave you when I know you’re hurting.
DILLON I’ll be okay.
MAY FLOWERS Pinky promise?
(THEY hook pinkies. EXIT MAY FLOWERS).
ROCK STAR
You lied to a friend.
DILLON You lied to the whole world. Mr. Got-it-together. All your talent. All your fame. And still you did yourself in and ruined my life.
58
ROCK STAR You dressed like me. You walked like me. You talked like me. And you’re gonna fall like me. Who are you when you’re not in school trying to impress your friends, telling them you met me? You stopped being you.
AMYGDALA Yeah, baby, I made you my guitar. I played, you vibrated.
(playing air guitar and singing) MELANCHOLY. ANXIETY. INSECURITY.
ROCK STAR I did myself in because I couldn’t say three words.
AMYGDALA HOSTILITY. GUILT. SHAME.
ROCK STAR “I need help.”
DILLON
If you couldn’t beat Amygdala, how could I? ROCK STAR
Nobody beats Amygdala.
AMYGDALA That’s high praise coming from you.
AMYGDALA
I appreciate the acknowledgement. ROCK STAR
You only have to hold you own. You don’t have to win. You walk a tightrope stretched over an abyss. Amygdala throws everything but the kitchen sink at you. You bob, you weave, but you walk the rope.
AMYGDALA ANXIETY will make you wobble and send you into the deep dark pit.
DILLON
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“Deep dark pit.”
AMYGDALA I specialize in the deep dark pit.
DILLON That’s it.
ROCK STAR That’s what?
DILLON That’s why the second line of the lyric doesn’t work. I was trying to rhyme abyss. I came up with bliss. But if I substitute “deep dark pit”…
ROCK STAR How would it go?
DILLON “Woke up from a sleepwalk on a tightrope over a deep dark pit.” Don’t interrupt me. Deep dark pit. “Couldn’t stand there. Couldn’t go back. And I couldn’t quit.”
ROCK STAR Yes!
(DILLON sings, ROCKS STAR plays guitar)
DILLON & ROCK STAR Woke up “Woke up from a sleepwalk on a tightrope over a deep dark pit. “Couldn’t stand there. Couldn’t go back. And I couldn’t quit.”
ROCK STAR You’ve got a good beginning of something.
AMYGDALA But I’m not done with you. ALIENATION.
DILLON ALIENTATION?
60
AMYGDALA
Yes, ALIENATION is a perfectly good emotion.
DILLON Don’t take it personal, Amig, but it’s not as good as your other stuff.
AMYGDALA Oh, really? How about a little ANGUISH! RESENTMENT! GUILT!
DILLON Keep it coming, Amig, it’s all grist for my mill.
AMYGDALA Oh, is that sarcasm I hear in that voice? DESPAIR! ANXIETY! GUILT!
DILLON I don’t mean to complain, but we already did GUILT. It’s so one-note, and I can’t really use it. A song about guilt? It’s been done. I’m wondering if you could dig a little deeper and come up with something more original.
AMYGDALA
STRESS, DESPERATION will drive you insane.
DILLON I’m a blade of grass in a hurricane.
AMYGDALA
ANGER! RAGE! REGRET. DEJECTION. DREAD. FEAR. Try that on for size.
DILLON Really helps me rhapsodize.
AMYGDALA
GRIEF will surely bring you low.
DILLON Also gives me a place to go.
61
AMYGDALA
I love ISOLATION. It unglues and subdues.
DILLON Gotta pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues. Always heard that, but now I know what it means. I learn so much from you.
AMYGDALA You got game, kid. DISILLUSIONMENT!
DILLON Eh.
AMYGDALA Love disillusionment. It’s so overwhelming and complex.
DILLON Been there, done that.
AMYGDALA Well, it’s been a long day.
DILLON For both of us. See you around.
AMYGDALA Count on it. (rapping) Amygdala’s the name Emotion is my game--
DILLON
Yeah, yeah, I know, you deal it, I feel it, that’s your claim to fame, etcetera etcetera etcetera. Yo.
(EXIT AMYGDALA)
62
CONSCIENCE
Arise, sagacious Somnambulist! Thou hast staved off thy baser self for another day.
DILLON Did I do that?
(Beat) I couldn’t have done that.
(Beat) I did that.
(Beat) How’d I do that?
CONSCIENCE Thou hast and thou wilt again and again.
DILLON Where’s—
CONSCIENCE Seeing that thou canst now stand on thy own two feet, so to speak, Rock Star hath quit this dreamy realm to take his place amid the crowd to cheer on thy ascendancy, O sweet sweet Somnambulist!
(ENTER AMYGDALA. EXIT CONSCIENCE UNBEKNOWNST TO DILLON)
AMYGDALA
Excuse me. Will I get writing credit and royalties for “deep dark pit”?
DILLON Yes, there will be an asterisk by “deep dark pit” and the footnote will say “Inspired by Amygdala.” And your royalties will consist of my sincere thanks to you for the contribution you’ve made to my artistic career.
AMYGDALA Uh, yeah, sure, kid, anytime.
(EXIT AMYGDALA)
63
DILLON
Where’s everybody?
(DILLON lies down exhausted. After a moment he’s asleep. LIGHTS FADE TO NEAR BLACK AND RISE AGAIN IMMEDIATELY. DILLON sits up as if waking from a sleep. Reaches in his pocket. Finds the letter. Reads it. Beat. Rips it up. Beat. Tosses confetti above his head. LIGHTS FADE SLOWLY AS THE CONFETTI RAINS ON HIS HEAD).
END
