Art and Skills of Influencing Others:Building Rapport and Mutual Connections

Dr. P Nayak

Professor, BIMTECH

Defining Influence:Misconceptions and Realities

Misconception Reality

1 Influence and Power are synonymous.

Power is a least effective influencer.

2 Most visible and vocal person is the most influential.

Such people miss cues and informationabout other people/situation necessary for influence.

3 Real managers need to command not influence others.

Command management does not work any more.

4 Influence is the same as communication.

Influence is the sub-set of communication, required to persuade others.

5 Influence is manipulation. Manipulation may be characterized as dishonest.

Your Success Mantra

• Your Success does not depend only on :

– What You Know: professional and technical knowledge/expertise; and

– Who you Know: Contacts/ Network

• You need a powerful inner resource:

INFLUENCE

Influence is a set of interpersonal skills that can be learned, practiced and mastered.

Influence:

A powerful portable tool for managers

of 21st Century business.

• Influence is one of the critical business skills required for success today.

• Influence- Every one wants it, But how do you get it?

Art of Influencing: Building Rapport and Connect with Others

1. Show Credibility and Integrity

2. Make People Feel Important

3. See Things From the Other Person’s Viewpoint

4. Nurture People by Showing Genuine Concern for Others

5. Have Faith in People

6. Always Listen to Other People

7. Navigate the Path and Connect with Others

1. Show Credibility and IntegrityCredible behavior and a personal

integrity will allow others to trust you

The key to successfully influencing people over the long term is winning their trust and

bonding with them….

Never Assume People Believe You

But be truthful by habit anyway

Never Assume People Understand You

But explain things as clearly as you can

Downplay Any Benefits To Yourself

But be ready to acknowledge the effects of enlightened self-interest

Credibility

Love truth, but pardon error ~ Voltaire

• Integrity is not determined by circumstances– You are responsible for the choices you make

– Your character is not determined by circumstances

• Integrity is not based on credentials– Character is who we are

– Character is permanent, credentials are transient

• Reputation is not integrity – Words are cheap, actions have weight

Integrity

Integrity is the essence of everything successful .~ R. Buckminster Fuller

2. Make people feel important : Accentuate the Positive

• Don’t criticize, complain about, or condemn people.

• Show sincere appreciation

3. See Things From the Other Person’s Viewpoint

Think of other people’s good points and point them out

Talk about the things that they desire and enjoy

Empathy-Jaadu Ki Jhappi (1).dat

This is an effective strategy because:

Each of us spends 95% of our time thinking about ourselves

Everyone is interested in the things they want, but few really care about the things you want

People aren’t interested in me, they don’t care about you -they’re interested in themselves

The most frequently used word – “I”

4. Nurture People

• Show Genuine Concern for Others

• Commit To People

• Give People Opportunities

5. Have Faith in People

• Believe In Others

• Most people don’t have faith in themselves, and believe they will fail

• Most people don’t have faith in others and do not have someone who has faith in them

If you think you can win, you can win. Faith in your team is necessary to victory. - William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

6. Always Listen to Other PeopleListen 80 % ; Speak 20 %

• Listening Builds Loyalty

• This Shows Respect

• Generates Ideas

• Increases Knowledge

You can’t hear the song if you don’t listen to the notes…

7. Navigate the Path for Other People &

Connect with Others

People of influence connect with other people….

•Don’t Take People For Granted - Value People

• Possess the Attitude That You Can Make a Difference and You Will Be Able To Make A Difference

•Find the Key to Others’ Lives• What is Important to the Person? • What has the Person Achieved?• What Does the Person Desire to do?

•Communicate From the Heart• Be Genuine,• Share From your Heart, and • Be Yourself

Principles of Rapport Building & Connecting

• Principle of Entrainment:

– A process whereby two or more persons become synchronized.

• Principles of Mirroring, Matching and Pacing

• PANICCC Principles

Rapport Building

• Rapport is the feeling of trust and comfort we have when we are with someone who knows, hears, understands, accepts and values us.– It is the foundation of most of our relationships.

– Ability to match and pace rhythms of someone you want to influence enables you to use different styles of Influence.

Principle of Mirroring:a powerful rapport-building tool

• We do this by scanning the other person's body to see if they will move or gesture the same way.

• Mirroring the other person's body language and speech patterns is one of the most powerful ways to build rapport quickly.

• Mirroring each other's body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating rapport.

• But never mirror a person's negative signals.

• E.g. Yawning - one person starts and it sets everyone off.

Mirroring

• “Urges to mirror others are hardwired into the brain because co-operation leads to more food, better health and economic growth for communities.”

- Professor Joseph Heinrich, University of Michigan

• British, Germans and ancient Romans are highly disciplined in mirroring.

• Mirroring makes others feel 'at ease'.

Mirroring

Creating the Right VibesPeople who feel similar emotions, or are on the same wavelength are likely to be experiencing a rapport.

Mirroring

Mirroring on a Cellular Level

“The heart appears to retain cellular memories. Some heart recipients assume the same gestures and posture of the donor even though they have never seen the donor.”

- Dr Memhet Oz , an American heart surgeon

Mirroring

Mirroring Differences Between Men and Women

“A woman is instinctively four times more likely to mirror another woman than a man is to mirror another man. Women mirror men's body language too, but men are reluctant to mirror a woman's gestures or posture - unless he is in courtship mode.”

-Geoffrey Beattie, University of Manchester

Mirroring

When Men and Women Start to Look AlikeWhen two people live together for a long time and have a good working relationship, they often begin to look alike. This is because they are constantly mirroring each other's facial expressions.

Men can make fewer than a third of the facial expressions a woman can make. Men usually hold expressionless faces.

Mirroring

• Do We Resemble Our Pets?

Mirroring

• Monkey See, Monkey Do

Thinking alikeAustralian Prime Minister Julia Gillard demonstrates her mutual respect of BarackObama through playful mirroring

Mirroring

Intentionally Creating Rapport

• If a boss wants to develop a rapport and create a relaxed atmosphere with a nervous employee, he could copy the employee's posture to achieve this end.

• An up-and-coming employee may be seen copying his boss's gestures in an attempt to show agreement when the boss is giving his opinion.

• Using this knowledge, it is possible to influence others by mirroring their positive gestures and posture.

Mirroring

Who Mirrors Whom?

• Research shows that when the leader of a group assumes certain gestures and positions, subordinates will copy, usually in pecking order.

Prince William and Kate Middleton demonstrate they are emotionally and behaviorally synchronized

Mirroring

Group Mirroring

• Sensitivity to crowds is built into our perceptual system and operates in a remarkably swift and automatic way.

Matching Voices- 'pacing‘

• Intonation, voice inflection, speed of speaking and even accents also synchronize during the mirroring process to further establish mutual attitudes and build rapport.

• Never speak at a faster rate than the other person.

PANICCC PrinciplesSuccess Mantra for Rapport

Building & Connecting with others

Your Level of Influence IncreasesWhen:

You act consistently and show credibility

You show integrity

You have bonded with the person or people you are trying to influence

Influencing Others

Homework : Working in small groups

Discuss how you could each influence a colleague using one of Robert Cialdini ’s six principles.

Cialdini‘s 6 Principles of Influencing

1. Reciprocity2. Consistency3. Social Proof4. Liking5. Authority6. Scarcity

__________________• Book ‘Influence : The Psychology of Persuasion’ by

Dr. Robert Cialdini

Everyone is a person of influence….

But the level of influence is not the same with everyone.

• Like weather, influence is usually noticed only by its outcome.

Discover Your Style of Influence

An Influence Style Inventory

Influence Style Inventory Score Sheet1 2 3 4 5 6

No. of Responses

TOTALS =12

T C F W S G

T - Telling /The AnalystC - Compelling /The PragmatistF - Felling / PreservationistW – Welling/The Catalyst S - Selling/ The StrategistG- Gelling/ The IdealistTreat these Styles as strategies rather than Personality Traits.No Style is better or worse than another, Its effectiveness depends on situation or people to be influenced

Power of Influence in Organization

• Organizations by their natures are political environments.

• To succeed in them, you must acquire influence

• You do this by proactively creating a network of personal contacts:

– your own web of interdependence

– using it to exchange the support, resources, and information you and your network partners need.

Reference

• The Seven Secrets of influence by Elaina Zuker, McGraw Hill, Inc, 2009 (International Best Seller)

Dr.P.Nayak