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By-Namita Singh

Arwen

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Chapter 1Arwen Andearson stared at the mirror in front of her.

She always loved mirrors. Not because you could judge your appearance in it, but because you could

judge your capability to do whatever you were going to do next. Going to the college and facing a new

day head on, or just sitting at home and planning to study. Looking at herself in the mirror would boost

up her confidence. But she never understood why she looked into the mirror when she had nothing

planned for her schedule. It was one of those rare moments when she stared into the mirror without

knowing for what she was seeking the courage.

Arwen! somebody called.

She sighed and opened the door of her bedroom to move out and listen to what her mother had to say.

Yes mom. Arwen said unenthusiastically.

Please make some tea for me, I am so tired. Tired in the morning, Arwen thought glumly. Arwens

mother was a highly emotional and excited woman, and the daily soap operas had a lot to do with her

behavior. She was of a medium built and very light, brown colored short hair. Her beautiful features

were still visible even with the fading old age.

Sure. Arwen said. Arwen loved cooking but still didnt fancy entering the kitchen to make tea/coffee

for anyone. The obvious reason being that she herself wasnt habitual.

She made tea without zeal and then surrendered to her room. Her room was huge and tidy. There was adouble bed in the centre and a vast closet covering one whole wall of the room. Her room was devoid of

any kind of bizarre wallpapers or posters. She never understood what was so pleasurable about Enrique

staring at you from the walls. Well at least those teenage years were history for her now. She tried to

remember her 20th birthday which occurred only a week ago. Movie and lunch with her freaking friends,

and then a quiet and expensive dinner with her mother. And with that her thoughts drifted towards her

mother.Arwen loved her. Obviously. Her mother provided her with the best of things. The best

education, the best dress, the best dinner and sometimes even the best jokes. Even then she was

nothing what Arwen would expect a friend to be like. She might give money to purchase the best dress

but would never accompany Arwen to select the same. She might buy Arwen the best dinner possible on

her birthday but would fail to ask her if she had a blast with her friends on the same day.

It was difficult for Arwen to find her space with her mother around. Her mother never provided that

comfortable aura. Arwen was never able to spit out her thoughts without thinking twice. The worst part

was that Arwen didnt want to make her mother realize all of this. Her mother, on the other hand,

seemed to have lost the self realization capability. Sometimes, Arwen wondered if it was her mother or

herself who was responsible for this. After all, Arwen was as much self obsessed as her mother. Despite

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it all, Arwen loved her. She felt contented. It was a part of life. And Arwen had learnt to take life the way

it comes. Sitting on her bed she apprehended this. Feeling satisfied, even without reaching any

conclusion, Arwen sighed. And after a while realized that she had the whole day ahead of her. Argghh

she groaned. What was she going to do on a freaking Sunday? She almost regretted completing her

homework the previous day. She considered calling Zeisha, her best friend, but dropped the idea almost

immediately. Sunday is family day for Zeisha. Sometimes Arwen wondered had things been any different

if her father had not left her mother eighteen years back.had she gone to see new movies and play

basketball with her dad? She sighed and dropped the thought. Thinking about her father always

disheartened her. Without thinking she got up from the bed and stood in front of the mirror.

A pair of deep black twinkling and lively eyes stared back at her. Her features, quite similar to her

mothers seemed impeccable cause of her youth. A t-shirt and a sweatpant hid her slender figure. Her

slightly curly hair, shiny and black, a gift she received from her dad, touched down her waist. One look at

herself in the mirror and she knew what she would do next. She completed the next chapter which was

due to be taught in the next class. The next couple of hours passed away easily. A knock on the door

made her jump.

Arwen dear I am going to the grocery shop, would you like to accompany me? Mrs. Andearson said in

her high pitch voice.

Naw mom, I am studying.

So I see. She smiled. Do you want me to get something for you?

Arwen couldnt help smiling. Arwens mother already knew how much fond of junk food Arwen was.

Get a takeaway pizza please

Her mother gave her an I-knew-what-you-will-ask-for look and smiled. Sure sweetheart. she said and

disappeared.

Moms charming, if not anything else, Arwen thought. Arwen sat still for a few minutes and finally felt

exhilarated. Her mother didnt bother her much in the house; still Arwen felt immense elation whenever

she had the whole house to herself. Not that she had ever wanted to do anything that she couldnt do in

front of her mother. But just the thought of being alone brought a lot of peace to her mind. She jumped

from the bed and rocketed to the kitchen, grabbed the open packet of chips and then sat on the sofa in

the drawing room, munching the whole time. She wondered what it would be like to live alone. A very

entertaining thought. With nobody around to take orders from, no necessity to inform anybody about

your schedule and most importantly, experiencing the independency and loneliness. Yes. Enjoying theloneliness. Arwen starved for her own company. Self obsession, Arwen called it. To spend time with your

own self, to cook for your own self, to look into the mirror at your own self, to dress up your own self, to

sing, to dance, to love your own self! To think about nothing at all, but your own self. Living alone

definitely had pleasing invitations. But she immediately discarded the idea. Her mother and she might

not be attached at a very good emotional level but she still couldnt bear the thought of leaving her

mother alone. She was satisfied by cherishing these rare lonely moments. She looked at the clock. 4.35

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PM. How long had her mom been out and her daydreaming? She tried to recall but gave up in the end.

Time still seemed to pass at an annoyingly slow speed. She hated weekends. And she hated all the boys

who asked her out every weekend. So with no date, she was able to survive only a Saturday with the

help of her homework. Now she wasnt feeling very glad that her mother gave her enough pocket

money so she could avoid a tedious, small job during the weekend.

She couldnt wait for Monday. She loved her college days. The weekdays. The busy schedule kept her

engaged and helped her maintain a fair level of adrenaline in her blood. Rising from the slumber early,

getting ready and reaching college, attending classes and taking notes, throwing paper balls at friends,

sitting in the cafeteria and chatting, looking at cute guys, being nice to the librarian and annoying her by

making noise at the same time, eating a lot and drinking even more, completing the interesting practical

work and making quite an impression on seniors, having a heavy talk with the best friend and knowing

she will be there no matter what happens.college days were magical for sure. She already had the

whole week planned ahead of her. The only turnoff avoided in college was Ryan, her college mate.

He was avoided only by Arwen. Any other girl would strip, if that pleases him. Arwen found him irksome.

Since the past three years he had been expressing his love for Arwen. Arwen wondered if he even knew

the spelling oflove. Alright, maybe he wasnt as bad as she thought. He had been enough kind, saying he

couldnt think of her any other way. He never pushed Arwen too far for dating. Neither had he ever said

too much to make Arwen feel awkward. But even with a straight refusal from Arwen, not once but

several times, he never gave up on thinking about her. Arwen had asked him to stop thinking. And he

did what Arwen had done: refused straight on face. So thats how he was unpleasant for her. Though, he

had been always nice to Arwen, she would have appreciated that had he not made his feelings public.

And Arwen sometimes felt guiltybecause Ryan didnt date anyone. Even with girls dying to be with

him, he never looked at any girl but Arwen. Arwen sighed. When will people rise above stupid teenage

crushes? Only after a week of her teenage life she had started to feel so mature. She smiled andreturned to her room.

Looking at the beautiful features on her smug face in the mirror, she couldnt help but feel sorry for

Ryan. Not anyone could grab a trophy on the first trial. Proud of herself and tired by brain, she decided

to take a nap. Delighted for the coming week she started to drift towards dreams. She couldnt help but

feel a small pang of disappointment as she thought of the next weekend. What she didnt know was that

she would be facing a lot more than simple disappointment the next weekend.

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Chapter 2

Arwen you look drunk! Why did u sleep so late??To acquire dark circles??!

Dazed, Arwen glanced at her erratic best friend and moaned. Zeishas talkativeness is always soothing

whenever Arwen is not in the mood to speak. But Arwen didnt know that with only half of her mind

active Zeisha can turn into a torturing element.

And I would prefer it if you will at least pick up my calls.

I was asleep when you called in the evening that is why sleep didnt come early last night. Arwen had

to concentrate on her words.

Oh. So you were forbidden to call me again?? And what were you doing last night? Zeisha asked.

I had a little pizza party with mom, so couldnt call. I tried to Google the answers to the questions given

in our project. Guess I nailed down quite a few of them. Arwen was proud of herself.

Jeezwell no jeez actually, its good to have a studious freak as your best friend. She winked.

Arwen grimaced. She didnt like to consider herselfas a studious freak. She studied because she enjoyed

it. Studious freaks studied because they want to top in the class. Wasnt it? Something started banging

inside her head, so she gave up on thinking too much.

Arwen was hardly sentient of her surroundings. The morning passed in a blur. With all the theory classes

on the schedule before break, Arwen was easily able to sit at the back, out of anyones sight and give

her mind some peace. But now during the lunch break in the cafeteria, with so much of noise; it was

turning difficult to tune everyone out.

Yes. Even I wonder if we will even complete our course on time if Arwen isnt there to remind us about

the exam date. Shawn said, with a huge grin on his face.

Zeisha pulled some of his hair. You are certainly lousy when it comes to completing the course. She

tried to look angry.

Well may be you will allow me to cheat from your paper. he put an arm across her waist.

Ahem ahem. Arwen cleared her throat to let them know that she was present there.

Oh! You werent sleeping?? Shawn teased Arwen.

Stop it; she is not in the best of moods. If you want to be thrashed then go ahead. Zeisha warned

Shawn.

No, I wouldnt thrash my only best friends only boyfriend. Arwen said, lightening the mood.

Well Zeisha at least somewhere you are beneficial for me.

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What an honor. Zeisha sounded unimpressed. Ryan is again staring at you she said to Arwen.

When is he not staring at her? Shawn asked.

Wellwhen Arwen is not around?

Ha-ha. Improve upon your sense of humor

At least it is better than yours.

Admit it, you wouldnt have even fallen for me had I not made you laugh so much. Shawn almost

sounded romantic.

I am sotired of you. Zeisha sounded annoyed.

And still you stick to me, hypocrite.

Guys stop it! Arwen said. Shecould feel her head banging. Both of you crib so much.

See Arwens jealous that she is not the topic of conversation anymore. Shawn said.

Zeisha and Arwen laughed.

Next time I will not miss the opportunity of thrashing your head Shawn. I will go and sit in the library,

my head is spinning. Arwen said. She got up from her seat and grabbed her bag.

Okay cya later. Zeisha said.

Sayonara! came from Shawn.

Arwen made her way to the library and sat at her usual chair at the far end of the library. She always sat

there, away from the usual buzz in the library. Nobody ever bothered to approach that end of the

library, so Arwens concentration remained at its best whenever she sat there. The best part was that

next to it was a large window. So whenever tired of books, she would look out of the window at the

panoramic view of her colleges whole field. Today with her mind half closed she stared blankly at the

sky outside the window. Shawn was an overly excited man. Always passing comments and being too

sure that he was being appreciated for that. She wasnt sure what exactly Zeisha found in him. Sure, he

was good looking. Ryan was ten times more good looking, still Arwen didnt find him enough charming.

Its never about looks, she decided. Sara, her friend, a pretty good looking girl, dates a total shit if only

looks were to be counted. But still Sara and jimmy seemed to be more in love than anybody else. She

couldnt tell what it would exactly feel when you find somebody right for you. Her single mothers point

of view was unquestionably impossible to understand. The not-to-much-talking adds up to the

unhelpfulness. The matter remained unresolved-if Zeisha really found Shawn to be the right one?

Arwen didnt find him right enough. He was socomplicated. Saying things without any meaning and

then proving himself to be austere. He was not bad, but Arwen hadnt found anything good so far. May

be Zeisha did. Thats why she was stuck with him. Arwen wouldnt be surprised to know if she sticks to

him only for the sake of sticking to someone. With three ex boyfriends you tend to find yourself an

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addict. Arwen never commented on her relationship statuses. Even being her best friend she never

stopped her from choosing the wrong. When Arwen chooses the one, she would hate every single

person who would try to contradict her choice. Its her life after all. So she takes her best friend the way

she was. Life was to be taken the way it comes, Arwens policy.

Hey. Someone broke into her reverie. How long had she been daydreaming?

A gangly boy, with thick nerdy spectacles smiled at her.

Hey Joseph, whats up? Arwen said. She wondered how he found her.

Nothing much. Mind if I join you? I wanted to clear some doubts regarding the biogenesis thing we did

in the last class.

How much time is left for the next class? Arwen couldnt believe that she lost track of time.

We have twenty minutes. He smiled encouragingly.I wont take much of your time.

That is not an issue Joseph. Arwen smiled easily. Joseph was a nice guy. They have been good friends

since the last two years. Joseph always talks formally with all the excuse mes, thank yous and I

hope I am not bothering yous. He was intelligent and Arwens lab partner in the bioinformatics class.

The best thing about him was that he never talked nonsense. Even with his severe formality syndrome,

he never hesitates to point out the wrong in someone.

Joseph opened his backpack and began to take out his notes and books. You seemed lost when I came.

Everythings fine? he asked while arranging his things on the table.

Yeah Joseph. I just had a long night. I think I will crash on the bed as soon as Ienter my house.

Hmm. Yes you do look tired. And after that he started off with his queries.

Arwen didnt have answers to most of his questions. The discussion lasted only ten minutes. At least

Arwen didnt feel sleepy anymore. His questions created a whole lot more questions in her mind.

We will clear out our doubts in class today. I had not even thought of the possibilities you have

invented in your head. Arwen said.

That disappoints me. You are generally more creative than me. Joseph said and smi led.

I cant stay perfect forever. Arwen said with a smile and a raised eyebrow, and started packing her

bag.

Sure. He smirked. Say Arwen, I hope you are careful while walking down your lane. I saw on news

about a couple of rowdy freaks not being good to people in your area.

She was taken aback. Her locality was one of the safest in the city.

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That surprises me. Do you think I should wear a hood while walking in my area? Arwen had a funny

feeling of sticking out her tongue at him.

Naw, not really. But yes you can try the hood in college. Will save a few stares from Ryan. he

reciprocated her mood.

She grimaced. She didnt like how everyone considered Ryans life to be centered on her. Arwen knew

that wasnt the case. He also had his guitar, friends, family and other girls, whom he refused all the time.

He wasnt looking for her 24x7 even when in college. Sure he liked her. Too much in fact. And yes he did

stare at her if she was in his vicinity. But was that a big deal? At least he didnt follow. As far as Arwen

knew, he tried his best not to bother her too much with his behavior. Arwen had witnessed it. And he

was not a bad person, Arwen believed. For gods sake he was one of the most popular hunks of the

college. She always wondered why everyone teased her as if a weirdo liked her. She knew he was not

weird. Everybody knew that for that matter. Deep down, she knew the plausible reasons. It could be

only two things. First, he was faking. Nobody could like a girl to such an extent with the girl indifferent to

his feelings. And that wasnt the only distinctive quality in him. He talked to people as if he was from

some old era. He had never been rude, seemed to be having a high capability of endurance, valued his

family over everything else, even his career, was very good at studies and was through and through

good to everyone. He did look at other girls at least, would even flirt for a while, but would never date

any of them. With such a proficient personality, anyone could doubt him. Second, people were

astonished that Arwen could say a no to such a person. Ryan had been always too good to her. Arwen

was not always rude to him, but sometimes she was not particularly pleasing for him. Existence of a girl

who didnt want to be with Ryan definitely amuses the folks.

Arwen is yet to discover which reason was responsible for everybodys behavior regarding her and Ryan.

Hey I am just kidding. He said. Joseph must have obviously noticed her expression.

Yeah I know. Sleep deprivation leads to behavioral changes. And also its the second time since morning

I am hearing it. So dont think its your fault. Lets get to class. She smiled, lightening the mood.

Ill blame the sleep too. You are not generally this much sensitive to what others say. Joseph said

while following her out of the library.

You are generally not this much observant. Arwen retreated.

I guess this day is special. Joseph smiled and opened the class door for her.

Arwen sat on her seat beside Joseph. The rest of the day passed without excitement. Zeisha invited her

to join her and Shawn for a movie. Arwen refused. She was too tired to enjoy any movie. After reaching

home she took a quick shower and collapsed on her bed. She was already dreaming when her mother

came home and smiled at her sleeping. She pulled the covers over Arwen, stroked her hair and

whispered I love you.

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Chapter 3

Arwen felt exultant and annoyed, at the same time.

Exultant, because she was loving her days at the college. After the sleepy Monday, she was fully charged

on the rest of the three days. Zeisha had come and stayed over at Arwens place on Tuesday. Arwen was

still reviving the giggles and serious talks with her best friend. Wednesday wasnt as exciting as Tuesday,

but was pleasantly tolerable. The annoying part marked its presence today, the Thursday, when Ryan

asked her out, yet again. He had guts, if nothing else. Arwen had been surprisingly pleasant to him in the

beginning. She just lost her composure and ended up yelling by the end of their conversation. Ryan

remained calm as usual. Arwen contemplated while washing the dishes and decided that he needed a

shrink.

She was also annoyed because the weekend was approaching fast.

Dear I will do the dishes, leave them. You can chop the vegetables. I dont want our dinner to be late.

Mrs. Andearson said. She seemed to be in a chirpy mood.

Arwen followed her instructions in compatible silence. It was already after nine PM and she felt hungry,

so was dicing carrot at a great speed.

Mrs. Andearson never kept servants. She could afford one, in fact two, very easily. But she loved

working on her own. And so did Arwen. As they talked less, they spent most of their time working when

at house. It kept both of them enough engaged to not notice the loss of conversation.

I amplanning to take a break from my work. Its getting too hectic these days. Mrs. Andearson was

still able to think of some conversational lines.

May be you should reduce the pile of work you do. Arwen said. She hoped that her mother would not

notice the disagreement in her words. She couldnt imagine herself being deprived of the few hours she

gets alone at home till her mother returns from the office.

Work always gets piled up. Never gets reduced. Mrs. Andearson sighed. She wiped her hands on the

towel after she was done with the dishes. Arwens mother worked as an editor in the leading newspaper

of the city. She earned big bucks but never showed it off. She never got time to show off with her hectic

schedule.

After a moment of silence Mrs. Andearson realized she wasnt going to get a reply. She sighed again.

They prepared schwezan together in silence.

I will set the dinner table, you can take a break. Mrs. Andearson smiled kindly at Arwen.

Arwen grinned. Mom I can help you with that. I dont have anything else to do.

Mrs. Andearson didnt say anything. But she seemed to be in deep thought while setting the food on the

table. Arwen waited for her to ask whatever she was thinking.

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Hmmm its aroma is so mouth watering. Arwen mused.

I bet its delicious too. Mrs. Andearson winked at her daughter and served the food. They ate in

silence.

Sweetheartwhat are you up to this weekend? Mrs. Andearson asked.

The usual. I will stay home. Why?

Dont you have any plans with your friends?

Arwen reckoned that something was up. Her mother never asked about her friends, least regarding

weekends.

Mom, I generally never have plans with any of them. Arwen said.

And no date? Mrs. Andearson asked.

Mom...I am not dating anyone. Do you need me on the weekend?I will be available.

No! I dont want you for anything. Mrs. Andearson sounded panicky. She took a deep breath and

added calmly, Dear, she put her fork down on the table, sometimes I feel I leave you alone too much.

I would appreciate if you hung out like everybody else. Go and see some good movie. Enjoy with your

friends. Its time for you to make the most of life, not sulk at home.

Mrs. Andearsons speech left Arwen feeling a little dubious. I do not sulk mom, besides I like staying at

home.

You should not always stay home on all the weekends. Mrs. Andearsons tone turned a little sharper.

I havent brought you up to turn you into a forever-staying-at-home introvert. Your friends must think

that I keep you as a prisoner.

My friends think nothing. Arwen retorted. And why are you bothering so much? I have always been

like that, mom.

You always make me feel guilty. Mrs. Andearson said furiously and got up from the table. She went

over to the sink to keep her plate.

Guilty for what? Arwen wondered why her mother sounded so disconcerted.

For not letting you have a life which you should be having! You have no idea what people talk at our

back. A single mother, who teaches her daughter to stay single, forever. Mrs. Andearson was almost

yelling.

That is not the case. And since when have you started to care about what people say? Arwen said.

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Since I, myself, started noticing you turning down every single guy in your college. I wouldnt have been

worried had that been the only case. But you do not even hang out with your friends. Mrs. Andearson

said.

Everyones busy with their own schedule mom. And I do hang out with them. I do not need weekends

for that. Also do not worry about me being single. I will date when I find an enough decent guy. And youbeing single has nothing to do with it. Of course, I assume you know that already. Well practically you

are not even single since dad never divorced you. He just walked out on you.

Mrs. Andearson stared at her daughter.

Arwen couldnt stand it. Dont stare at me like that. I will see if I can get myself engaged. Otherwise I

am staying home. She got up and left the dining room.

Arwen shut the door of her room tightly. She looked over herself in the mirror, and saw tears flowing

down her cheeks. She hated whenever she compromised. But no matter how much she tried, she always

ended up compromising. Get a grip, she told herself. Once through with her sobs, she tried to thinkstraight. Something was going on. Her mother hardly ever objected to whatever Arwen did. Never took

interest in Arwens love life (though she did teach her how to handle yourself when you are with the

guy.). Least, she ever asked about Arwens friends. And today for no particular reason she scolded her,

which she did very rarely, for all these things.

Arwen got up and started looking for her mobile. She cursed when she realized that she had left the

same on the kitchen table. She wiped her face and made sure she didnt look as if she had just cried and

went to the kitchen.

Her mother was doing the dishes again. Mrs. Andearson must have heard Arwen approaching, but

stayed still with her back towards Arwen. Arwen grabbed her phone and went back to her room.

The ends of Arwens lips turned down as she sat on her bed. She had a sinking feeling that her mother

was crying and thats why didnt turn to look at her. Arwen would have to make some plans for the

weekend, even if she didnt want to. The very last thing she wanted was anybody upset because of her.

She decided that shell go for a movie with Zeisha. She hoped that would make her mother feel better.

No way was she going to talk to her mother regarding the philosophy behind just being at home,

satisfied. Because, first, her mother would never understand and would end up yelling some more. And

second, because Arwen never talked to her mother regarding her take on life. She never felt the need.

Every time the end of the week turned miserable for her. She felt down in the dumps.

Dejected, she dialed Zeishas number. She picked up on the fourth ring.

Hello. Zeisha said. A lot of noise was coming from behind her.

Hey Zeisha, where are you?

Hello? Hello?

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Zeisha can you hear me? You will have to come out of the mess to hear me.

The line went dead.

Arwen felt like throwing the phone out of the window. That was one thing she hated about Zeisha.

Zeisha hung out almost every night. Therefore, was never available for talking on phone when she

required.

As Arwen thought of what to do next, her phone rang. It was Zeisha.

Hello. Yeah. Sorry I wasnt able to hear you well inside. Zeisha said.

Yeah I made that out. Where are you exactly? Zeisha you need to reduce your outings. Your homework

is getting piled up. Arwen regretted her words as she herself was planning an outing with her.

Joeys girlfriend is celebrating her birthday. Jeez the DJ sucks. I wonder why Joey chose such a girl

whose taste is so bad. And dont worry I will go back early. Joey was Zeishas brother.

Ehokay. So enjoy the party. Ring me when you get home. Arwen said.

You called up just like that?

Yeah... Arwen didnt sound convincing enough.

Hey whats up? You call so rarely. And today you call me just like that with a shivering voice. Zeisha

said.

Arwen was sure that her voice wasnt trembling. Nothing muchjust had a sort of fight with mom. You

have fun at the party. I will talk to you later.

You and your mom talk enough to fight? Zeisha laughed.

Thats so not funny.

Alright I am free. I wasnt enjoying the party. So you shoot.

Arwen told her the whole conversation and also that she thought her mother was crying.

Well...I dont really blame her, Arwen. Whatever she said is true. Any mother would worry if she had a

freak for a daughter. Zeisha said.

Will you consider it a little seriously? You know already that she never bothers me with things like that.

And all of a sudden she starts hyperventilating because of those things.

So you think somethings fishy?

I dont knowmom just took me by surprise with her sudden outburst. Arwen said.

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See there are only three possibilities. First, she has noticed you enough to realize that you are turning

into a saint. Second, she wants the home to herself. She never gets a chance for that, does she? May be

she is calling her friends over and doesnt want you around. Or third, she has invited a date.

Mom is hardly into gossiping with her friends...But a date...She wouldnt hide it from me. She never hid

anything about her dating life. Least, shout at me for that. Arwen concluded.

Fine. Use your brain to create the stories. I am tired. Had I been at your place, I would have asked her

directly. But I assume your relationship status doesnt allow that? Zeisha said.

Yeah. We are not really into heart to heart conversations. Besides as I said, she tells me such things

without hesitating. But if it could be any of your stories, then I think its a date. But I still wonder why

she would shout at me for that. Arwen said.

Dont worry. May be she is really worried about your status. For which even I would advise you to have

some fun. Zeisha said.

Yes, I have decided to see a movie this Saturday. If it pleases mom. Also its been quite a time since my

last outing. Arwen couldnt even remember her last outing.

Cool. Which movie?? And with whom?

I havent decided the movie yet. And I am going with you. Arwen controlled her smirk.

This Saturday? Arwen.I have a date.

Arwen closed her eyes. With Shawn? end of the week is not Arwens cup of tea. May be she should go

into hibernation after Wednesday every week.

Obviously. Zeisha said. She sounded apologetic.

Alright. Thats okay. May be I will ask Joseph.

Arwen you should have told me before. You already know I keep my whole week planned beforehand.

Lets make it on Sunday? I am free that day.

Sunday is familyday. Arwen quoted Zeishas words. dont bother; I will see it with someone else. You

enjoy your date. Arwen said kindly.

Oh god, I feel guilty. You plan to hang out after two weeks and I am not available. Wait, I will talk to

Shawn and tell him that you will join us. No need for you to go with that nerd.

Arwen smiled. She might curse Zeisha forever, but will never find any friend as caring as her.

Hey dont you feel guilty. Dont spoil your date because of me. There are so many other people. I will

go with anyone. Dont bother Shawn.

Are you sure? Zeisha said.

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100%. Ill call Joseph. He is always available. Arwen wasnt really in the mood to watch the movie with

him. She liked him but not enough to hang out. He was a nerd; that was something which was very true.

If you do not wish to spend the day with a nerd, you can ask Ryan. I hate the disappointed look on his

face every time. You can go as friends. Thats the least you could do for him. Zeisha said.

If I go as friends, then he will probablyget his hopes high. Now I dont want that, do I?

You, out of everyone, know very well that he will never get his hopes high unless you indicate some

interest clearly. Anyway, its your wish. Joey is calling me inside. I have to go. I will try to call at night.

Laters.

Okay. Enjoy the party if you can. Bye. Arwen hung up.

She felt better. Talking to Zeisha always made her feel better. That is why she was her best friend. But

still she couldnt hide her disappointment for not watching the movie with Ze isha. She considered the

theories Zeisha had put forward regarding her mothers behavior, but failed to reach any conclusion.

She decided she didnt care, and dropped the thought. May be its the old age, moms losing it most

probably, Arwen thought. She groaned as she thought of watching the movie with Joseph.

She dialed Josephs number with gritted teeth.

Hello?

Hey Joseph, Arwen this side. Whats up?

Oh, hey. I was working on the astronomical project. It is very interesting. You should have participated

in the contest too. I will show you my project some time; I am quite fascinated with it. Joseph said in a

single breath. What are you up to?

I just had my dinner. I had forgotten about your contest. Nice to know that you are enjoying, I would

have participated had it been related to biology than astronomy. But I am interested in your project.

Care to show me soon.

Yeah of course, the exhibition is on this Saturday. I have to travel for 3 hours that day to reach the

bloody place. Why did they have to keep it that far? I hate travelling you knowI wished.

Arwen didnt hear what he had to say further and disconnected the phone. She texted him that she was

out of talk time balance, would see him in college and gave him best wishes for Saturday.

She was frustrated. Everybody had things to do on this particular Saturday. She cursed the day.

Despaired of having some scene this Saturday, she started to change into her nightdress. She decided to

ask Sara, Jimmy and Angela once tomorrow; if they are engaged too then she will sulkat home, as usual.

Suddenly she felt insignificant. Out of all her friends she ends up deciding to ask her not-so-good friends.

She knew what they will think. As Arwen didnt have anyone to go with, she asked them. But Arwen

didnt care. Her mother was more important to her than her trivial friends. She wished that her mother

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Chapter 4

OMG...OMG!! I cant believe this. Arwen are you serious? I mean are you reallyserious? It has to be a

dream. Pinch me! Zeisha said in her high pitch voice.

If the librarian throws us out, then I will not forgive you for the rest of the eternity. Arwen said. She

was looking at the rows of books, searching for the one she required. Zeisha walked closely behind her

heels.

Arwen this is BIG! You said yes! You are going on a date and you are telling me now, I have to say I am

disappointed. Zeisha said and pouted.

Arwen lead her to the desk at the corner, her usual seat, and gave Zeisha a stop-it-or-I-will-kill-you look.

Will you stop hyperventilating? And I am not deaf so stop shouting too. Arwen commanded Zeisha.

All right. Take a deep breath. Zeisha told herself. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.Breathe out Zeisha exhaled and opened her eyes. She smiled at Arwen.

Done with the drama?

Aha! A date does add to your attitude problem. Zeisha teased. now come on, spit it out. How many

times have u dodged my questions now? Two? Three?

Zeisha, grasp three things very carefully. First, Ryan did not ask me. Second, I am not going on a date

with him. And third, if you tell this to anyone then you are dead.

Zeisha stuck out her tongue at her. Am I going to know the story, or your lectures will go on forever?

Arwen sighed. She didnt have a problem in telling Zeisha anything. She just didnt know what was the

big deal if she doesnt tell?

Okay it was as you had said; I am going as friends with him. And I asked him if he wants to go as friends,

he didnt.

Zeisha stayed expressionless and then grimaced. Is somebody asking you to pay for speaking much?

Tell me exactly what you said and his reaction! And what made you ask him?! Zeisha said.

Arwen sighed again. She knew she couldnt get away with this one.

Alright I didnt ask Joseph, he is busy this Saturday. I asked Sara if she is free this Saturday or not, she

said she had an appointment with her dentist. Arwen rolled her eyes; Sara was one of the biggest

excuse maker. I decided not to ask the rest. So I just bumped into Ryan in the locker room and he

greeted me as usual. He noticed my mood and started making assumptions again. I didnt reply as usual,

and it didnt bother him as usual. So... Arwen paused. She herself was confused regarding the thought

she had entertained at that time.

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So? Zeishas keen interest made Arwen feel that she would explode if Arwen stopped telling in

between.

Arwen sighed, yet again. Well.I just thought... he never demands much of talking from me. Tolerates

me in whatever way I project myself. And also he stays calm whenever I thrash him. So I thought

spending the day with him wouldnt be troublesomeas long as he doesnt get the wrong indication.And now I desperately want to stay out of the house. Moms stares would be inevitable if I dont.

You know I totally support your action. Not only because youre sane enough to deal with the situation

so maturely, but also because I really like Ryan...for you. Zeisha said.

We are not going on a date. I had made that clearvery well to Ryan. And I think he understood.

I am sure he understood. He seems to be as mature as you. Zeisha grinned. Okay so what did you

exactly say? And what did he say?

I said that we can go for a movie tomorrow, if he is still in. I told him clearly that we are going as

friends; and most probably are going for the first and the last time. Arwen couldnt think of lunch, at

least she could forget Ryans presence during the movie. And I said that I wouldnt be entertaining him.

I told him the reason too, that I am going because mom needs the house and that I dont have anybody

else to go with.

Zeishas eyebrows shot up.You are an uncouth human being when it comes to Ryan. What did he say?

Arwen shrugged. He just smiled and said he will keep everything in mind. He did seem happy but I

suppose he controlled his expressions well.

Zeisha seemed jubilant. She clasped her hands in front of her and said, Okay! You cant imagine how

happy I am for you! I feel as if I am going on a date for the first time. She giggled.

Arwen raised her one eyebrow, Its not a date. And dont be so happy, I am not getting married as far

as I know.

Hey girls whats up? Shawns voice made both of them jump.

Sshhh. Its a library. Arwen said.

When did I say its a pub? Shawn said while taking the chair next to Zeisha. You girls were discussing

marriage?

Yeah Arwens going to be my bridesmaid. Zeisha said with a huge smile.

Arwen couldnt help smiling.

One thing she knew for sure: she had the best girl friend in the world.

***

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Mom I am going for a movie tomorrow with Ryan. Arwen said that night to her mother.

Mrs. Andearson controlled her expression better than anybody else that day. She simply smiled and

said, Enjoy your day.

Arwen cursed herself the next day in the morning, for being confused regarding what to wear. She

ended up wearing a loose t-shirt with her denims. She let her hair loose.

She was watching the afternoon show. She had been careful about not choosing a romantic flick. Instead

they were watching thriller. She was sure she will be back home by evening.

Mom I am leaving, I will be back early in the evening. Arwen said to her mother.

Mrs. Andearson looked up from her file. She removed her reading spectacles and smiled.

You look gorgeous sweetheart, be prepared for the first aid in case Ryan starts to hyperventilate. Mrs.

Andearson said.

Arwen stayed expressionless and didnt say anything.

And dont be tensed about returning early, enjoy your time. You are going out after a long gap. Mrs.

Andearson added further.

Thanks mom, I will see you in the evening. Arwen said and departed. On her way out she tied her hair

in a ponytail.

Within fifteen minutes of her departure, Mrs. Andearsons phone rang. She picked up the call she had

been dreading all morning.

***

Hi Ryan said.

He took her by surprise. Arwen had arrived five minutes early in order to escape the home. She was

checking out the movie posters.

Hey. Arwen said and looked away. She had to admit one thing, that Ryan was handsome as hell. With

his V-shaped face, green eyes and a crooked smile he could win anybodys heart. He ran his hand

through his brown colored hair. Arwen noticed he was dressed up casually too, in a t-shirt and a three-

fourth khaki pants. Suddenly she started feeling a little uncomfortable. Here she was, practically on a

date with the guy she despised. She also noticed that Ryan always made her conscious. Arwen was

capable of being lost in the crowd. But if Ryan was around he would make her feel her own presence.

Arwen was at loss of words.

Lets go, you wouldnt like it if I made you miss the movie. Ryan said and smiled.

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Yeah lets go. Arwen didnt know why she was feeling so awkward. She regretted making the scene at

all. She should have seen it coming. It was stupid to believe that she could act anyway around Ryan and

get away with the day. She couldact anyway. She knew Ryan would be least bothered. But she had not

known that she wouldntwant to act anyway with him around.

Once inside the theatre, Ryan stopped walking. Arwen realized he was very tall.

I will get the popcorns. He said.

Okay. Arwen said.

Ryan didnt move though, he stared at her. You know you are allowed to back out any time. I hate to

make you feel so uncomfortable.

Arwen weighed that. She wasnt surprised of Ryan being that considerate. She was just surprised that

she had made herself so noticeable to him. Well, then wasnt Ryan always good at noticing her, with or

without Arwens effort? I am not uncomfortable.I just cant believe that I planned the movie with

you.

Ryan laughed. Trust me I didnt take it in the wrong sense, neither will I in the future. If thats what

youre worried about. You can forget that you are watching the movie with me. I wont bother you I

promise. Call me Joseph if that makes you feel better. Ryan smiled his crooked smile. Arwen sensed the

honesty behind his words.

Arwen felt better, because of his speech or pleased by the loss of silence, she didnt know.

Very funny. She said. I will have a coke too. She added.

Ryan grinned. As u say Madame. He said and went to the counter.

They arrived inside in plenty of time to watch the advertisements. Arwen kept munching the popcorn.

She wasnt saying anything but wasnt feeling awkward anymore either. Alas she was being herself.

You know that Ben got suspended? Ryan asked her with a smirk on his face.

And you are happy?

I am happy as long as he is happy. He says he feels that he is on cloud nine. Its the first time ever he

got suspended. He actually invited me to a party for that. Ryan said with an unbelievable expression on

his face, and laughed.

Arwen smiled naturally. She wasnt sure what exactly made her smile. She didnt find that piece of

information very amusing. May be Ryan was good at telling things. Or maybe his laughter was infectious.

So what he did he do to grab that award? Arwen didnt ask for formalitys sake. She was genuinely

interested. Ben was Ryans best friend.

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He aimed and threw a paper ball at Mr. Banners nose last Tuesday. Ryan said to which Arwen

laughed. Mr. Banner was the most irritating professor Arwen had ever encountered in the college.

Well I am not really feeling sorry for Mr. Banner.

Ben has the guts. Damn he was so confident all the time. Ryan said. Arwen agreed with him. The

movie started then.

It was a thriller, but Ryan turned it into a comedy one. He kept on passing comments on everything the

actors did in the movie, to which Arwen couldnt help laughing. She laughed until her diaphragm ached.

If people get to know that you are the one who is destroying their show then they wouldnt mind

kicking you after the movie ends. Arwen said to Ryan during the interval.

Oh I think otherwise. I think they will come and thank me for making the movie so interesting for

them. Ryan sounded proud of himself.

The rest of the movie passed with the same pace. It was only by the end when Ryan shut up. As he,

himself, got engrossed in the serious scenes. It was a good movie. As they moved out of the theatre,

Arwen glanced at Ryan. He seemed serious.

I guess you used up all of your laughing power. Or was the ending so poignant for you? Arwen teased

him. She again felt like a kid and controlled her urge to stick out her tongue at him.

Ryan laughed, It bothers you so much when you are deprived of your entertainment.

This time Arwen didnt control and did stick out her tongue at him. Ryan laughed again. Surprisingly, she

wasnt surprised at all when he guessed the right things all day.

It was dark outside. Arwen asked Ryan what time it was. Past seven, he replied.

Oh was the movie that long? It didnt feel so. May be because I wasted half of the time laughing to

realize the passage of time.

I will make sure you enjoy every moment of the movie the next time we see it his voice grew from

teasing to regretful while he said that. Arwen knew that he knew too well that she wont let a next time

occur. Suddenly, she felt guilty. They had had a nice time. She didnt want the mood to get spoiled. So

said:

Yeah. I will bring an adhesive tape too in case you fail to control yourself. Arwen said teasingly. Shejust hoped that he wouldnt take that too seriously.

Ryan smiled his crooked smile again, No need to be so kind. Arwen knew that he wasnt talking about

the tape.

This time it did surprise Arwen. Guessing some facts and guessing somebodys thoughts were not

helpful to each other for anyone.

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She sighed. I had a nice time. She smiled. I guess I will see you in college then. Arwen slowed her

walking pace.

They were walking aimlessly in the market. Ryan didnt stop walking. He took a second longer than usual

to reply.

You had a nice time? Or you are having a nice time? Cause if you are having a nice time then why do

you want to end it? Ryan said.

Arwen stopped walking. So did Ryan. He stood facing her, scrutinizing her every expression.

Arwen tried to think quickly. Was she having a nice time? Yes, she was having a nice time, unexpectedly.

Did she want it to end? Arwen felt confused when she realized that No, she didnt want it to end. Will it

bother anyone in the future? Yes, probably Ryan will feel disappointed in the future. Does it affect

Arwen? Arwen couldnt see how.

Being an extremely selfish person, Arwen replied, We can have supper. I feel hungry.

Ryan smiled. Arwen cursed herself. What the hell was she doing? It was like she was inviting him to

suffer more misery.

I will advice pizza. Because I want to have a pizza. Ryan said with a huge grin.

Fuck the misery, thought Arwen, I am cool with pizza.

They walked down the lane towards the food outlet. Ryan told her about the Lebanese food he had last

week. It was pathetic; he said and advised Arwen not to have it ever. Arwen decided to inform her

mother that she will be late. She dialed her number, but nobody picked up. She left a message on her

voicemail. Over the food they shared talks regarding his family, Arwens friends, his friends, his guitar,

Arwens books etc.

Arwen was amused with the stories he shared. His life seemed so perfect. He had a strong emotional

bonding with his loving family, he was perfect with his guitar, his friends admired him and he was

amongst the good people in the college. Again Arwen wondered how he could stick to a girl for so long

without reciprocation from the other end. As far as Arwen knew, he could have any girl he liked.

I will explode. God! I ate so much. Arwen said. They were walking out of the restaurant.

It was delicious though. I love pizzas. One of the things I can have in excess every time. Ryan said.

Yeah, yeah. Its the fourth time you are telling me how much you are fond of pizzas. I got the message.

Arwen said while waving her hands aimlessly and laughing.

Will you wait here? I will get the car. I will drop you off. Ryan said.

Arwen stopped laughing. She wasntintending to go home with him. They werent on a date. May be

she needed to remind him that.

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Why do I have to wait? I will leave from here, so do you. Arwen said. It came out a little more sharply

than intended.

Ryan remained calm and smiled, Hey I still remember we are out as friends. Cant a friend drop another

friend? Besides its getting late. You spent the whole day with me, what is the problem in a few more

minutes till I drop you?

Thrash him and end the day badly? Or enjoy the day to the fullest? Arwen didnt say anything.

I will get the car... Ryan said uncertainly.

I am buying ice cream from the vendor. Arwen said.

Ryan laughed. Arwen turned and started walking across the road towards the vendor. She didnt want

the day to end badly. She knew she will regret every inch of it later. But she didnt care. Live the present,

to hell with the future.

Next, everything happened in a fraction of a second. She heard Arwen! in Ryans alarmed voice.

Turned halfway, she saw a black car coming towards her with great speed. She must have seen it for

only a microsecond when somebody pushed her from behind and she fell three feet ahead on the road.

She groaned and saw Ryans startled face beside her. A screeching sound came from the car which was

now moving away from them at an incredible speed.

Adrenaline started pumping through her veins.

Are you all right? Ryan asked. His voice was trembling.

Yes. Arwen was shocked to hear her voice shook too.

Four or may be five people crowded over them.

Did anybody notice the number of the car?

Hell he was too fast.

Are there serious injuries?

Somebody call the ambulance!

Everybody seemed to be talking at once. No need for an ambulance, thank you. I think she is fine.

Ryan said, his voice calm now. You dont need a doctor right? You do have some bruises. he asked

Arwen in a low voice.

No, I want to go home. Her voice was still shaking. Arwen saw scratches over her hands and a little

blood. It was tolerable.

Okay, you can get up? Ryan asked Arwen.

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Arwen tried and felt a sharp pain in her ankle. She said ouch! and grimaced. Ryan examined her ankle.

He seemed to be aiming the girl, or may be was driving drunk.

People need to improve their driving skills, must be some college going punk. Careless young

generation.

People were still standing around the two of them and talking in murmurs.

Okay, your ankle is not broken, but I think you have a sprain. You are sure you dont want to see a

doctor? Ryan said to Arwen.

Yes its not broken. I know its just a sprain. I just want to go home. Arwen said. Her voice still wasnt

normal.

Hey there, do you guys need help? a middle aged man asked both of them.

No sir, thank you. I think we will manage. Ryan said. And with that people started to depart fromthem. Put your arm across my shoulder. He said to Arwen.

Arwen obeyed silently. He lifted her by keeping his arm around her waist. Slowly they made it to Ryans

car.

Ryan sat at the drivers seat and paused. You want to have water or something? he asked her.

Ryan, just drive. Arwens voice was better now.

Ryan obeyed. They drove in silence. Interesting day. Ryan said with an amused smile. He stopped the

car in front of Arwens house.

Arwen grimaced. Interesting for you. The whole time I kept going on, afraid to end it the bad way and

what do I get? Arwen realized a little late that she was turning transparent for him.

A sprain in the ankle. Ryan said with an amused laugh and helped her out of the car. Ryan didnt look

surprised by Arwens shear honesty. It wouldnt be the first time that Ryan had known all along what

was actually going on in Arwens mind. They started walking towards the house. But you have to admit

it was a memorable day. At least for me it was

Arwen said nothing. She wondered why she was feeling a tingling sensation in her stomach.

Ryan rang the bell. Nobody answered. He rang the bell again.

I think mom is asleep. What time is it? I have the key in my bag.

Its only ten minutes above nine. He answered with a frown. Arwen fidgeted with her bag to grab the

key. Ryan took the key from her and opened the door. They stepped in and Ryan helped her walk

towards the living roombut stopped after walking a few steps.

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Arwen wondered if she had entered the wrong house. The broken vase on the floor, papers spilled over

the table, coffee mug and the coffee spilled on the floor, pieces of the shattered bowl scattered all over

the place

Arwen felt confused, then fear. And then finally alarmed she let go of Ryans arms. She limped towards

her mothers room. Ryan followed her closely. Mom! she shouted and flanged open the door to Mrs.Andearsons room.

Ryan gasped. Arwen stared, frozen, at her mothers body hanging from the ceiling. The last thing Arwen

remembered was blurring of her vision due to brimming of tears in her eyes, and then everything

blacked out.

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Chapter 5

God. He, who has the power to run this world. He, because of whom every human being on this planet

breathes. And seizes to breathe. Does he exist? Yes. Does he love every human on the earth? Yes. Does

he want to see his beloved ones happy forever? Yes. Does he care when a five year old child cries for a

candy, or an old person cries because of a joint pain? Yes. Does he want to see happiness blossom in

every family? Yes. Does he want his fellow folks to gain experience only through the good events? Yes.

Does he listen to all the prayers everybody makes, demanding for nothing but all the above things? Yes.

Does he want to grant everybodys wishes? Yes. But is he able to do so?

Arwen opened her eyes. She could feel her eyes burning.

Life could be hard. Life could be easy. Life could tease you in any form. It had all the rights. So do I,

thought Arwen.

Your lovable aunt is leaving. Care to bid her a goodbye? Zeishas voice came from somewhere behind

Arwen. Arwen turned around and saw her best friend standing at the door of her bedroom. She looked

pretty in a simple t-shirt and with her blond hair tied up in a ponytail. Arwen wondered how she looked

these days and regretted. Last time her vision in the mirror had horrified her. Blood-shot eyes, pale skin,

wet lashes, a thinner waist, oily hair and drooping lips had greeted her. Arwen couldnt believe that was

just yesterday.

Ill be there in a minute. Arwen replied to which Zeisha disappeared.

Arwen got up from the bed and without looking at the mirror moved out of the room. Now was the time

when she had to pluck up a lot of courage to see herself in the mirror. Yes, that mirror, which only a few

days ago used to supply Arwen with all the courage.

Rebecca, late Mrs. Andearsons sister, was placing her packed bags in the living room. Mrs. Andearson

and her sister were hardly ever in touch. Last time Arwen had seen her aunt on her grandmothers

funeral seven years back. Rebecca looked a lot different than the last time Arwen had seen her. With

short cropped hair and excess of make-up, she looked nothing more than a wanna-be to Arwen now.

Arwen darling! she said when she saw Arwen arriving. She came and hugged Arwen.I know its a bad

time for me to leave you alone here sweetheart, but I have got so much work at home and office! I wish

I could stay here for more time! Sweetheart you neednt worry, well-

Ill be fine. Arwen interrupted her. Her tone clearly asked her aunt to shut the hell up.

Oh well you can contact me anytime you need any help. Rebecca said quickly, dissatisfied by Arwens

lack of emotion.

Sure. Arwen said. Rebecca had made sure that she was available when Mrs. Andearsons will was to

be read. Yet she failed to mark her presence on her sisters funeral. Travelling for two hours for your

siblings funeral couldnt have been that much of a pain. What Arwen wondered was that what was so

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pleasurable about travelling the same two hours just to listen to your dead sisters will? Honestly, Arwen

didnt even remember a damn word the lawyer spoke out of the will yesterday. The only thing she

remembered was her aunts gasp when the lawyer had told the total fortune Mrs. Andearson had left

for her daughter.

Arwen closed the door when her aunt left. She felt something salty on her lips and was stunned torealize that she was crying. That was one thing she was immune to now. Crying or not crying, it made no

difference to Arwen anymore.

Arwen Zeisha helped Arwen to the couch in the living room and gave her a tight, ardent hug. Arwen

responded but minutely. She felt something stuck in her throat. Zeisha pulled away and kissed Arwens

forehead, then smiled.

You better get fresh. I am asking Laura to make soup for you, you must be starving! Zeisha tried a

little enthusiasm.

No I am not... Arwen mumbled but obeyed her. If she wouldnt then Zeisha would force her andArwen didnt have the power to fight back.

Tomorrow it would be a week since that devastating day, and it still felt like yesterday. Arwen had fallen

into a regular pattern in the past five days. Get up early, cry, listen to the sympathies, cry, force food

down the pipe, cry, take a bath, cry, hug Zeisha, cry, ignore Ryans calls, cry, and finally fall asleep. She

was glad that you couldnt cry while sleeping. Arwen wondered for how long this would go on. Or she

would just eventually get accustomed? Above all, she felt odium for Ryan, for not letting her see her

mothers body. Though he had good intentions behind the act, still shed never forgive him for the last

vision of her mother etched in her mind.

That evening, Zeisha started to unpack her college bag and started taking out some books. Arwen

watched her without interest, not able to guess what she was up to neither wanting to know the same.

Laura entered Arwens room carrying a tray with two bowls in it. She smiled at Arwen.

Arwens answering smile came just a second late.

Soup is ready and hot. Have it before it cools down. Laura said gently. She must be fifteen or sixteen

years old, black, with child like features. Zeisha had asked her mother to arrange for a maid who would

take care that Arwen took her meals on time. Or at least took them at all. Laura tried to be at her best

considering the situation. She didnt know that she would be the least thought of by Arwen.

Thanks Laura. You can leave now its getting late. See you tomorrow. Zeisha smiled at Laura.

Alright. Laura said and smiled at both of them. She disappeared.

Zeisha didnt say much whilethey both had their soups. Mainly she didnt want Arwens concentration

to break. Arwen had the feeling that Zeisha had something going on in her mind.

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Okay! Zeisha said loudly after they were finished with the soup.I collected all the work you missed

this week. Joseph gave me almost all the work that you should be completing. Wind them up during the

weekend; you are joining back college on Monday. Zeisha finished and took a breath.

Arwen speculated that. She had forgotten that she was enrolled in a college as well. She didnt say

anything.

Arwen you need to complete the work and start going to college again. You cant sit at home forever.

Zeisha narrowed her eyes at Arwen.

I wasnt planning to stay home foreverbut I feel Monday is too early to return to the old schedule.

Arwen said, her shoulders slumped. She knew Zeisha wouldnt spare her.

And when do you think it wouldnt be too early for you to restart? Zeisha said.

Arwen stared at the wall.

What is the problem on Monday? Zeisha asked again.

Arwen felt her vision getting blurred.

For gods sake Arwen! You just want misery to have you? Because that is what you are intending to do

if you do not return to your previous schedule! Whatever happened cant be undone. Why are you

suffering for it then?

Arwen wiped the tears on her cheeks. Without saying a word she started to look at the notes and books

Zeisha had got for her.

You better complete the work till Sunday, I might not be able to come that daybut I want to see youin college on Monday understand?

Arwen looked up at her, your mom must be worrying, you must return home soon. You spent time

here more than your home. No need to come every day. Arwen tried very hard to make her words

sound sincere, thankful and concerned. But they didnt display any emotion.

Ill come when I want to see you. Zeisha ended the topic. And yes I am leaving, you sleep on time. Ill

see you tomorrow bright and shine. She smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek. Take care. And

then she departed.

Arwen stared blankly into space for an immeasurable time and sighed. She tried to make out the heap ofnotes Zeisha gave her but to no avail.

She finally gave up, switched off her light and laid down on her bed. She could feel her heart beating

faster than usual.

Valor. That is what you need to stop your own heartbeat. Arwen knew that she could never be that

courageous. Thats the primary reason. Even if a person is capable of overcoming it, wouldnt that

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person consider the secondary reasons? The pain, physical and emotional. May be the physical pain gets

eliminated along with the primary reason, but how could a person suffer the emotional breakdown of

leaving everything behind? The responsibilities, which are bestowed upon every living being to be

fulfilled by them, how can the person not care and just get rid of them? Who will perform that persons

duties? Is that the reason behind their bravery? To be free of the weight put on their shoulders? And

then most importantly The love, for your close ones and their love for that person out of everything

its the courage to leave your loved ones that surprised Arwen. How can the person end her/his future

without considering the future she/he would leave for others?

Arwen felt tears of anger flowing out of her eyes. Zeisha was right. She was suffering for something that

couldnt be undone. Why should she suffer because of somebody elses doings? Her mother was

imprudent enough to leave her. Should all the wisdom be shown by Arwen? Arwen started sobbing.

Control, she ordered herself. She hated her mother. For never being that loving and yet making Arwen

yearn for her presence. For not leaving many memories for Arwen to reminisce. For never asking Arwen

what she thought about everything. Arwen would forever regret not being on good talking terms with

her mother. Had she known the time left with her she would have made the most of it. And it wasArwens mother fault for the less time and Arwens unawareness to the time. She hated her to the core.

Once through with her sobs she tried to force herself to sleep. Why was she bothering her lachrymal

glands if it was only hatred she felt? She cursed herself. She cried because she knew that she was as

much at fault as her mother was. If her mother never took the initiative for a nice and blossoming

mother-daughter relationship, then neither did Arwen. Both of them were experts at hiding their minds.

The worst part was that shed never know what drove her mother to the extremes.

Her cell beeped. She wiped her tears for the hundredth time since morning and tried to read the

message she just received.

If you do not reply to this onethen Ill come over to check onyou tomorrow. Please replyI know its

not the time for me to bother you but at least tell me that youre still human.

p.s. I am serious about showing up tomorrow.

Arwen was mean, she believed that. Ryan did so much for her and yet received nothing but negligence

on her part. What would have happened had Ryan not dropped her off on that dreadful day? She

couldnt have dealt with it alone. It was Ryan who had called the ambulance, which had in turn informed

the police too. It was Ryan who had explained everything to the paramedics and the police. It was Ryan

who had taken Arwens care for the next 24 hours, as directed by the physician. It was Ryan who had

answered every question directed at Arwen. It was Ryan who had arranged the funeral along withZeisha the next day. And it was Ryan who had made sure that Arwen doesnt see her mother cold dead

After the funeral Arwen had asked him to leave and had said that she would manage. Ryan wasnt

convinced but gave her the space.

How did Arwen repay him? By not returning his calls and messages.

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She took a deep breath.

I am missing her. She messaged Ryan back and closed her eyes.

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Chapter 6

Sorry for bothering you on this bright Sunday morning. I know people like to enjoy their leisure time,

but I had some important things to discuss with you and I was sure you would be available.

Ross Verona, senior officer, intelligence bureau; was a man with a high self esteem. He took pride in his

work. He always dealt with his cases as if they were part of his own life. Known for his impeccable

reputation, Verona was a tough man on the surface, but molten inside. At thirty three years of age, he

was the youngest person to attain the post he now acquired. Because of that he was the object of envy

for his many colleagues.

Hmmcan I help you? Arwen said. When Laura had said that somebody was here to see Arwen, the

very first thought Arwen had had was the inevitable sympathy from this or that lady. She wasnt

expecting to find a man in his early thirties, dressed up in a three piece suit, staring at the painting on

the wall in the living room.

I think I didnt introduce myself. I tend to get ahead of myself at times. He smiled slowly showing his

teeth. Verona loved to flatter other people as well as his own self. My name is Ross Verona. I am the

senior officer, intelligence bureau. I was given the file of your mothers case three days back.

Arwen was perplexed. I didnt.get you. She said.

Lets put it this way. I am here to discuss some facts regarding your mothers incident and to know

whether you would like any further investigation. Verona said. He was best at putting things straight

for the other person. No emotion, no foul.

Oh. Arwen said. That was the best Arwen could come up with.

I know you must be having a tough time, but believe me it would be the best if you know everything

and so do I. He smiled kindly.

Too sure of himself, thought Arwen. Alrightplease sit down. What have you got? Arwen asked him.

She sat opposite to him. She wasnt in the mood to entertain anyone or talk about her mother, but his

posture and the way of conduct told her that it might be important.

I just needed to ask a few questions before I start, if you do not mind? He took out a notepad and his

pen.

Go ahead, Mr. Verona. Arwen said.

Oh please call me Ross. Verona smiled at her again.

Shall I give you a nickname as well?Arwen wanted to ask him but kept shut.

So! Verona started. In your statement you had said that you werent at home the day that incident

took place?

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Arwen noddedthis wasnt good. She didnt want to replay the whole day.

Can you tell me with surety if your mother was alone thewhole day?

Arwen was taken aback by the unforeseen question. She tried to remember the day. She felt a lump in

her throat.

Yes. She said with a little difficulty. Saturdays arewere off for her. She stayed home always. Arwen

managed to speak. Her voice felt better by the time she finished.

And she was alone at home? Verona asked, his eyes intense.

Arwen looked away from his eyes. He had grey colored, intelligent eyes. Arwen felt as if he could see

through her easily. Not that she had anything to hide, but so far it was only Ryan who had been enough

capable. And Arwen didnt want to be readable enough for anybody else.

Yes Arwen said uncertainly. She cleared her throat and looked back at Verona. As far as I know.

She said flatly.

Verona raised his eyebrows. Arwen sighed. She didnt want to get into details of her not-talking-much

relationship between her and her mother.

So you arent sure. It was a statement, not a question. He started scribbling in his notepad.

Supposing, your mother had not been alone...then can you think of a person she would have spent the

day with?

Arwen didnt want to answer his questions, mainly because she didnt know the answers. She closed her

eyes.

I am sorry for making it so hard for you. Verona said.He didnt sound sorry at all.

I didnt know her colleagues. And she hardly ever spent time with them on weekends. Arwen said,

looking at the floor. She just wanted this man to get lost.

I would have appreciated a little help. Verona said. He wasnt rude or blunt. His tone was neutral. My

report here says, Verona continued while taking out his file, that your living room was in a condition

that displayed the site of violence, he was reading from the file, and could have been in that state if

more than one person was responsible for the havoc caused. The spots of blood on the living rooms

door suggests that were splashed on it and not got there due to touch, which would have been the case

had your mother normally gone walking past the door. The crushed curtains may suggest holding onto

them tightly than a person would in normal conditions. And finally, the bruises on your mothers body-

on the shoulder and thighs- couldnt have been caused by her own self.

Arwen stared at him. She was trying very hard to understand his words. Was he seriously talking about

her mother? It seemed as if he was reading somebody elses file.

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A little more cooperation would have been helpful to know the reason behind these facts. Or maybe

you do not want to hear the conclusion. Verona assumed.

Conclusion? The word caught Arwen off guard.

Conclusion. Verona paused dramatically. That there is a very strong possibility that your mother had

been forced to kill herself.

***

The whooshing sound of the flowing water touched Arwens eardrums softly, she could feel the cold

breeze on her skin and her gaze was fixed on the fading pink rays of the dusk. It was a spectacular view.

The world was a beautiful place to live in. Obviously, terms and conditions apply. Arwen walked

barefoot over the green grass and tried to feel the smoothness and the coolness of the same. Another

day was coming to an end. Arwen smiled. It was that time of the day for which Arwen lived now. It ends

the worst of the things she suffers all day and brings so many new possibilities along with it. She did not

know anymore what to expect out of life. Life will come in small surprise packages anyways.

Where is Zeisha? I thought she was staying over at your place tonight. Ryan asked. Even while talking

he seemed to be far away lost in profound thoughts.

Are we at my place? Arwen asked.

Ryans lips twitched before turning into a smile. No, they werent at Arwens house. They were walking

down the countryside just couple of hours away from the city they lived in. Ryan glanced at Arwen. She

looked emaciated. Even then, lost deep in her reverie, a slight smile on the lips and her hair blowing,

she looked exquisite. He could never get enough of her.

Dont you want to return early? he said.

Do you? Arwen retorted.

You cant run from things all the time. Better to face it in installments than face all of them together at

once.

Arwen thought of excogitating but then concluded that she didnt care. Do not try to steal away my

peaceful time. She said calmly and closed her eyes.

You are not enjoying the peacefulness; you are just awaiting the big bang. Ryan looked over at the

terrain in front of them. His grave posture showed Arwen a very new side of him.

If I am not worrying then why are you?

Ryan stopped walking. They stared at each other for an immeasurable moment; Ryan tried to judge her

mood.

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A guy tells you that your mother was killed, you fight with me for a week because I hadnt informed you

about the details, then you cry for another week thinking what to do about it when your father turns up

to show his responsibilities, you spent another week despising your father and now here you are, three

weeks later, vague and spending time with the guy you were having a fight with, not even decided about

what to do about your parents. Ryans ireful words were followed by a long silence.

Arwen started walking again. Had she not looked serious, Ryan wouldnt have let her take a step ahead.

But he caught the site of her lips slowly drooping downwards at the corners; so he started walking

alongside her.

ArwenI know you want to elude it all. But why cant you see that it will keep coming back to you till

you end it?

End it how? Arwen challenged him. Mr. Verona, she snorted, told me that he has no sure evidence

to prove a homicide, even with a suspect. Even if somebody had hit and forced her, still it was proved

that she hung herself without any help.Arwens voice started to tremble. And my bloody father

comes to show all his love, the one who required it is not alive anymore! And yes you are right! What

the hell I am I doing with you? she was almost yelling now. It was stupid of me to believe that I could

forget my worries with you! Instead you are forcing them on me. Tears flowing, exhausted and tired of

her life, Arwen dropped on her knees and sat on the cool grass beneath her.

She covered her face in her hands and sobbed. Why does every problem has to land on her shoulders?

Could she get anything by filing a case of homicide for her mother? Even without Veronas guide, she

knew there wasnt a chance of somebody else being castigated, least are the chances of finding a

suspect. Would she get her mother back if she did? Above all, she didnt want to know anything more

about it. She wanted the suffering to end. She couldnt bear it anymore. Her father shows up then

thinking of himself as a magician. Couldnt he see that he was the reminder of even more suffering onher mothers part? Arwen didnt want him around. And she detested herself for looking for comfort in

Ryans company after all she does to him. If life could be worse, she would call it death.

She felt a warm hand brushing aside her hair from her face. She wiped her tears and looked at Ryan. He

was half sitting in front of her and was watching her, not with sympathy, but awe. She cried harder,

showing him how weak she was, I have a life too. She said between her tears. Ryan motioned forward,

doubt in his eyes. Arwen, unaware of his hesitation, hugged him and buried her head in his chest. He

said nothing, just stroked her hair and held her tightly. In all these weeks, it was the first time she had

cried so irrepressibly. He could feel his own heart aching.

After uncountable minutes, Arwen quietened. She didnt let go of him, neither did he. Arwen was yet to

find the reason for the reassurance she felt in his presence. She had always been able to pacify the

turbulence in her mind by simply talking to him, shouting at him or by just ignoring him after achieving

his full attention. She could scorn him forever, but she wondered if she could ever find a replacement

for him. She didnt even want his position to be vacant. Neither was she in love with him. Nor she

wanted him around 24X7. What did she want from him? Or rather how did she want to be with him?

She decided not to worry about it. Ryan would bear her anyways, right? Arwen reached another

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conclusion too, that she would not think of that disastrous day anymore. A month of suffering had

sucked out half of her life. Her mother wasnt coming back. Mrs. Andearson never considered sharing

her problems with Arwen, irrespective of their importance. That was Arwens value in her life. Arwen

didnt want to look for somebody in the crowd who would admit torturing her mother to death and

show the side of her mother which she never knew, neither willing to know. She would live the present.

The Past would follow her everywhere and the future will wait for her everywhere. The present would

be the one to bear everything along with her. And she wouldnt let her present endure anymore.

You never told me what Verona said about the case. Ryan said in a low voice, his one hand stroking

Arwens hair while the other rested immovable on her back.

Arwen pulled herself back and stared at Ryan with a stubborn frown and a pout. Ryan laughed gently.

Alright, no more discussions, if thats what you want. He said and smiled at her.

That is not exactly what I want Arwens voice trailed away. She had loads of things to tell. Things that

she wanted to tell. What she thought about her mother, her death, how was she coping after it, the

unpredicted hatred for her vacant home, how much she missed her mother, her regrets, the unpleasant

feeling around her father, she wanted to talk about them all, but only when she was sure that she would

be capable enough to tolerate the consequences-the suffering.

You can talk whenever you want to. Ryan said firmly. Arwen smiled at him. For the first time she was

gratified for the understanding they shared. Tangled in his arms, she realized their close proximity. She

looked around. It was dark now. Ryan must have noticed Arwens sudden movement and expression. He

dropped his hands to his sides, giving her some space. A few moments passed in comfortable silence.

I want to have vodka. Arwen said staring into the darkness.

What?! Ryan said with an amused gentle laugh.

I never drank, kept waiting for the legal agebut now I want to feel whats it like to get high. Her teary

eyes were looking bright and twinkling. An expectant, short smile was directed at Ryan.

Ryan raised his eyebrows and looked at the now dark grass beneath them. After a second of thought he

looked up at her. Even with teary eyes she could stun him with her beauty. How much he hated to see

her gloomy and disappointed. Could he ever to seize to love her? Never. Even if she would never accept

him, used him for her benefits, married somebody else, hated him, ignored him, died or did whatever

that was a loss for him, he could never think of anybody else in place of her. He would forever do all the

things that he considered were sought out by Arwen. He would always be there for her when sheneeded him even if he had to suffer the misery of her absence for weeks. He would always notice her to

the core to know the thoughts running in her mind, even if those thoughts werent pleasing for him. He

gladly accepted her in whatever form she wished to be with him. He smiled his crooked smile at Arwen

and said, Lets go home.

After the past three years, he now at least knew a little about the word love.

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Chapter 7

Passing through the corridor towards her locker, Arwen noticed the people passing her by. Just a few

weeks ago she had not been aware of the crowd around her. With her trying to overcome the grief, she

could now see many things which were imperceptible for her a few days ago. Some of the peeps smiled

at her. Arwen smiled back, looking radiant for the first time in months.

Many reasons contributed to her enhanced well being. The very first being her best friend, Zeisha.

Zeisha spent more time with Arwen than anybody else, she diverted Arwens mind, talked to her

according to Arwens need, hugged her and adored her. Zeisha was like Arwens personal treasure.

Arwen had not known that her all-the-time-immature-acting best friend was so considerate beneath her

superficial behavior. She had also not known the extent to which Zeisha loved her. She had seen the

pain in Zeishas eyes when Arwen cried her heart out and the triumphant look when she made Arwen

smile. Arwen had also seen the anguish on Zeishas face whenever she caught Arwen thinking about her

mother. Their resilient yet intense friendship didnt require Ryans capabilities to make out each others

mind.

Zeisha did everything to make life better for Arwen. But she herself was experiencing an unpleasant

chapter of her life. Arwen could feel the tension resurfacing as she thought of her only-too-kind best

friend. She was facing yet another heart break, but unlike the last times, Arwen couldnt see her strong

friend who always faced everything with zeal. Instead, even without Zeisha showing her feelings, Arwen

could see her getting crushed underneath the emotional ties. Shawn and Zeisha were still together, but

their relationship was losing its charm. Zeisha concentrated only on Arwen since the past few months,

didnt go on dates, hardly talked to Shawn or even if she did, she discussed only Arwen. Arwen was

already aware of Shawns juvenile nature, so felt guilty to realize that she wasnt surprised when Shawn

started neglecting Zeisha. She felt guilty even more when she realized that she was the reason behindhis negligence.

Are you and Ryan going out? Josephs voice sounded distant to Arwen. She turned her head towards

him slowly.

What? she said, waving at Angela standing on the other side of the corridor.

You hang out with him these days a lotI am sorry if I am interfering Joseph said.

No we are not in a relationship. Arwens blunt tone made Joseph stare at the floor while walking.

Arwen had never used that tone, least with him. She never had any problems in discussing her life withJoseph either, that made Joseph feel a little queasy.

Arwen sighed, He is a good distraction, I feel nice with him but I dont love him. And he knows all of

this. she said in a gist.

Joseph nodded at her and seemed to be staring at his own spectacles.

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They walked in silence. Arwen waited for him near her locker while he brought his books from his locker.

She was able to sense the uncomfortable waves coming out of her and being directed at Joseph. She

didnt want that. She wasnt able to help it either. What she had with Ryan wasnt close to a

relationship, but it was still something special and personal for her to discuss it with anyone. She never

discussed it with Zeisha, anybody else was far off. Ryan was the second person who made life less

despondent for her. Arwen always felt repentance for what she did to him. Since Arwen was a non-

altruist, she somehow managed to not feel sorry and be delighted to be rid of the stress in his presence.

He pampered her. Gave her all the things she asked for, tolerated her mood swings, acted the way she

wanted him to and simply made her smile. There have been moments when Ryans feelings were just

too discernible, but now Arwen never felt uncomfortable. Ryan loved her. That was just another general

knowledge point for Arwen now. And she knew that Ryan would never expect anything from her and

would never ever leave, hurt or take advantage of her. But these werent the reasons for Arwens less

miserable life. Irrespective of Arwens or Ryans feelings, she was able to forget the world and the

predicaments in it when she was with him. She knew Ryan was as much in pain as Zeisha was because of

her sorrow, but he never showed that. Arwen always saw love, awe, care and amusement in his face.

Hey Arwen. Angela said, she took Arwen by surprise.

Oh, hey wh