2

Badgerschapter XI - “hockey hunks”

the BaDGers concLuDeD theIr VoLLeyBaLL season struGGLInG to a 7th pLace FInIsh. DespIte consIDeraBLe preseason hype WIth Many neW hIGhLy rankeD recruIts, the BaDGers struGGLeD In BIG 10 pLay. Many GaMes Were cLose, hoWeVer, oVeraLL the teaM unDer perForMeD. It Was stILL a Great season WIth Many hIGhLIGhts anD a ton oF Fun For a Very athLetIc coMpetItIVe teaM. no one WaLkeD out oF the BanQuet WIth an ncaa chaMpIonshIp trophy, But the teaM as a WhoLe haD a Great Gpa, WeLcoMeD Many neW hIGh schooL aLL aMerIcans on recruItInG trIps to the uW caMpus, anD Most are oFF to BIGGer anD Better thInGs. ManDy as a senIor Was oFFereD a GraDuate assIstant posItIon, hoWeVer thus Far has DecLIneD. the DGs as an actIVe sororIty haVe Done WeLL WIth recruItMent aLso. ManDy Is BuMMeD as Many oF her sororIty sIsters haVe May WeDDInGs, yet she Doesn’t haVe a BoyFrIenD untIL she Met eMMa, a neW DG InDuctee. her hIGh schooL sWeet heart FroM JanesVILLe, Who DIeD WhILe at rIpon, has a son Born to hIs secret coLLeGe GIrLFrIenD Who LIVes DoWn the street FroM her parents. cute Jan, ManDy’s DG rooMMate contInues as panheLLenIc councIL presIDent. she Is stILL pLannInG on Icu nursInG In DaLLas. her ForMer BoyFrIenD, aLeX, Is stILL arounD caMpus as a BIoLoGy GraD stuDent. the kk contInues to Be the Greek hanGout on caMpus; hoWeVer the Greek GIrLs are BeGInnInG to hanG at state street Brats, More oF a trenDy sports Bar Where reaL Guys conVene. hoLD on as the DraMa contInues on LanGDon street In the FrIGID WInter.

MaNdYhere We Go aGaIn Jan. Both oF us GoInG sInGLe to the FaLL BaLL. anD noW the BoBsLeD BonanZa at the unIon thIs WInter WIth BIG naMe Groups...anD We’LL Just Be WIthout Dates aGaIn.

JaNBetter to Be pIcky than Go out WIth a Guy Just to Go out. anD Don’t ForGet aBout the upcoMInG WInter Bash at GranD GeneVa In a coupLe oF Weeks.

MaNdYyou aLWays haVe aLeX In your Back pocket.

3

JaNno, We Don’t taLk Much any LonGer. he Is FInIshInG the BIoLoGy proGraM anD then Who knoWs What.

MaNdYWasn’t he taLkInG MILItary the Last tIMe We saW hIM at the kk?

JaNyes, MayBe MILItary But that Was Just a passInG thouGht. he FeeLs LIke such a FaILure. aLeX FLunkeD the nFL tryout, couLDn’t Get Into DentaL schooL, anD noW FeeLs WorthLess In a hIGh enD BIoLoGy GraDuate proGraM oF WhIch he has Zero Interest.

MaNdYso BeInG a MILItary WIFe WouLDn’t Be so BaD. Lots oF traVeL.

JaNanD DepLoyMents. no that’s not What I Want. aLeX haD hIs chance. he’s WoeFuLLy IMMature anD cannot stanD on hIs oWn tWo Feet.

MaNdYare you stILL hunG up on the Fact that he couLD haVe Gone to canaDa anD pLayeD QB up there?

JaNor the uFL or unIteD FootBaLL LeaGue.

MaNdYWhat the heck Is the uFL? Is thIs neW?

JaNyes - they haVe teaMs In oMaha, sacraMento, hartForD, Las VeGas, VIrGInIa, anD FLorIDa.

MaNdYaren’t these Guys aLL WasheD up? or Guys that DIDn’t Make the cut?

JaNyes anD no. 30 uFL Guys MaDe the nFL Last year. that couLD haVe Been aLeX. I toLD hIM to Get out there anD GIVe hIMseLF a chance. We LookeD anD InterVIeWeD WIth haLF the teaMs. he eVen haD a contract WIth sacraMento.

4

MaNdYso What happeneD?

JaNoh he Just saID no. he’s LaZy, DIDn’t Want to reaLLy pLay pro BaLL, or eVen seMI pro FootBaLL.

MaNdYI Guess aLeX’s Looks Won’t carry hIM that Far?

JaNaBsoLuteLy. But that’s LIFe; I’Ve haD It WIth hIM. I’M reaDy to GraDuate, MoVe to DaLLas anD Work In the Icu at parkLanD.

MaNdYI aGree. GooD pLan. Funny hoW It Is the GIrLs that Make the pLans. Guys are so Far BehInD. MayBe It’s not that Way In teXas. Who knoWs? But I can teLL you In BaDGerLanD It Is Way BackWarDs.

JaNWe are noW coMInG on the Last seMester. Who WILL carry on the DG GuIDInG LIGht, heaD up the partIes anD LIVe the LIFe We haVe haD?

MaNdYthere WILL Be soMe neW FreshMan that WILL take the sororIty anD LeaD It to Its proMIseD LanD. I can’t WaIt untIL the Frosh coMe on BoarD at the house. the canDLeLIGht InDuctIon cereMony For thIs seMester Is thIs coMInG sunDay nIGht.

JaNyes canDLeLIGht aLL the Way. the coLors, Motto, anD creeD. We’re stILL caLLeD a FraternIty WhIch Most Don’t knoW.

MaNdYanD ann couLter Was the Latest BIG spLash VIp to Be a DG MeMBer at corneLL. reMeMBer We aLL starteD In oXForD, MIssIssIppI In 1873.

JaNoh yes anD creaM rose Is our coLor WIth our Motto the anchor.

MaNdYWhere anD Why DID It aLL Go so Fast? I Was Just a FreshMan DatInG a Guy Back hoMe Who

5

happeneD to DIe anD haVe a BaBy noW LIVInG DoWn the street FroM My parents. What a nIGhtMare!

JaNanD the one Guy I careD For LeaDs the LeaGue In BeInG a non Guy.

MaNdYyou Just neVer reaLLy knoW aBout Guys. MoM says FInD ‘eM anD she’LL Do the eVaLuatIon. she has eXperIence.

JaNMy coLLeGe BoyFrIenD certaInLy Wasn’t a FIGhter pILot. he has a harD tIMe WaLkInG throuGh the haLL WIthout BuMps FroM other stuDents BotherInG hIM. anD sI haD the GaLL to pLay aLeX up to Be a sLeeper nFL prospect. he Won’t eVen take a hIt In an IntraMuraL GaMe these Days.

MaNdYhoW WILL We aLL cope out In the WILD? I Mean coLLeGe Is supposeDLy protecteD, But I thInk We’Ve haD LIFe hIt us In the Face a ton.

JaNone Learns FroM eXperIence. I knoW as the presIDent oF the panheLLenIc councIL It Isn’t so Great out there For Many Greeks. We neeD to puLL toGether. MayBe thIs WInter Bash WILL Be a BIG DeaL In Many Ways.

MaNdYaLL I knoW Is We Got throuGh It. MayBe the Last seMester WILL Be a totaL Bash. the Frosh pLeDGes anD InDuctees WILL carry us. they are the DG Future. We are stronG eVen thouGh I’M startInG to cry. rush Was touGh For MayBe the Last tIMe thIs year.

JaNanD on My GoD here coMes aLeX! Just What I neeDeD In a tIMe oF DespaIr anD Weakness.

aLeXhey What Is aLL thIs cryInG aBout? tWo senIor DG GaLs oFF to the reaL WorLD. Jan to DaLLas anD the parkLanD Icu, anD ManDy to the upper penInsuLa. Is that the pLan? Do I haVe It rIGht?

JaNyes you Do aLeX. you anD your cronIes haVe causeD us to cry IncessantLy. We are hanGInG

6

More toWarDs state street Brats these Days aFter stuDyInG. We’Ve LeFt your GanG at the kk.

aLeXGIVe Me a Break. I Just caMe By to say hI!

MaNdYno aLeX. you are reaL GooD on tWItter, FaceBook, anD eVerythInG eLse, But When It coMes to BeInG a true Guy, you WIMp out.

JaNyes you truLy WIMp aLeX. eVen IF you askeD Me to Marry Me noW, I WouLDn’t. you are Just not the WarrIor I thouGht you WouLD Be. I’M sIck oF GoInG hoMe anD hearInG - hoW’s aLeX? as IF you are soMe superstar QB anD a MoDeL FroM the heaVens.

MaNdYI aGree aLeX. We are MoVInG on. Guys arounD here Just aBsoLuteLy suck. aLL those IMMature Guys you hanG WIth younGer than you at the kk WIth Fake IDs anD aLL. you shouLD Be ashaMeD oF yourseLF.

aLeXok What IF I Were to propose Jan? What WouLD you reaLLy Do?

JaNI WouLD GIVe you the BIGGest reJectIon MaDIson has eVer seen. In Fact IF you DID one oF those FLyoVers WIth a streaMer askInG Me - LIke at a FootBaLL GaMe, I WouLD senD up a repLy WIth the ansWer no, I WILL not Marry you. you are too Much oF a spIneLess MaMMaL.

MaNdYDItto, aLeX. you haVe Been a Great FrIenD, But When It coMes to BeInG a Guy WhIch a GIrL Wants, you are not there. We’re LookInG ForWarD to the neW sororIty GaLs In DG. that Is our LIFe. We haVe no reasons to ceLeBrate our Four years - Just FutILIty anD FrustratIon. our Last seMester For the “Do GooD” GIrLs WILL Be Fun. We WILL WaLk rIGht By you anD enJoy the BIGGest seMester tWo DGs haVe eVer haD.

aLeXWeLL I’M thInkInG oF JoInInG the MILItary. MayBe the aIr Force - or BecoMe an arMy ranGer.

7

JaNno Way! reaLLy serIous! you are not touGh enouGh aLeX. you are LIke a WILteD FLoWer.

MaNdYhanG on Jan. MayBe the MILItary WouLD Be Great For aLeX. It certaInLy WouLD touGhen you up.

aLeXWeLL I’M FInIshInG GraD schooL In BIoLoGy, GIVInG DentaL aDMIssIons one More try, anD then IF reJecteD aGaIn, I’M oFF to BasIc traInInG. Just GIVInG you soMe FoLLoW up.

JaNthat’s Great aLeX. I WIsh you aLL the Luck In the WorLD. that Is the BoLDest thInG you haVe Done sInce saVInG a BaDGer GaMe In the 4th Quarter Last year as a Backup.

aLeXyes I knoW eVeryone IncLuDInG My parents WanteD Me to use My throWInG arM For My career, But I honestLy DIDn’t thInk I WouLD Last In the nFL. too Many concussIons, InJurIes, anD It’s a touGh LIFestyLe IncurrInG MayheM Week aFter Week. sorry It Wasn’t For Me.

MaNdYWe’re sorry We are takInG our FrustratIons out on you. WIth MaX DyInG anD the BaBy In JanesVILLe - WeLL It Was too Much For Me. I Guess that Is LIFe anD that Is Why We are WeLcoMInG our neW pLeDGes at InDuctIons thIs coMInG sunDay nIGht WIth a BIG FuZZy heLLo.

JaNanD you are not InVIteD, so Don’t Get any neW IDeas. anD We are Both GettInG Dates For the WInter panheLLenIc Bash at GranD GeneVa resort.

aLeXhaVe you Been askeD yet? the FestIVaL Is In a coupLe Weeks!

MaNdYno, But We WILL Be. We are too cute, seXy, anD outGoInG to not Be askeD. It’s that sIMpLe.

8

JaNanD We’LL haVe a WarMup Date to MayBe Let’s see: the orpheuM....or the arBoretuM For a LIttLe parkInG....or MayBe a hockey GaMe....or MayBe a trIp to pIcnIc poInt.

MaNdYoh I knoW....MayBe soMe Ice skatInG at tenney park. yes We can cuDDLe our Dates In the WarMInG huts. We haVe Great IDeas. Guys, I Mean reaL Guys aLeX, LIke outDoor stuFF.

aLeXyou tWo are craZy anD haVe totaLLy Lost It. you neeD to Get a reaL GrIp on thInGs. It Is that sIMpLe. your reMInIscInG aBout aLL the BaD stuFF that has happeneD Isn’t cooL. WeLL coLLeGe Isn’t aLL Fun. It Is a ton oF Work WIth Its ups anD DoWns. I’M sorry, I haVe haD soMe rouGh tIMes too, But We’LL aLL Get throuGh Because We are BaDGers.

JaNIt’s Funny hoW We aLL Were so happy a coupLe oF years aGo anD noW We are cryInG, GraDuatIon Is nearInG anD It reaLLy sucks to haVe to LeaVe the uW caMpus.

MaNdYI Don’t eVen knoW IF I couLD hanDLe BeInG caLLeD aLuMnI.

aLeXWeLL I’M one anD It Isn’t touGh.

JaNGo aWay aLeX anD Let us Just reMInIsce anD cry.

aLeXI’M heaDInG Back to the kk. I neeD a LeIne’s aFter hearInG thIs. GooD Luck at the panheLLenIc WInter Bash at GranD GeneVa resort.

JaNyes We’re aLL stILL BaDGers anD FrIenDs For LIFe. I cannot stop cryInG.

MaNdYneIther can I. I’M supposeD to Go hoMe thIs WeekenD anD can’t stanD to Do that anyMore. My poor MoM thInks I’LL Be an oLD MaID up In the coLD upper penInsuLa oF MIchIGan. she Wants Me In MILWaukee.

9

JaNthat Means she Is DIrectInG your LIFe. Do What you Want to Do.

eMMahey What are you tWo cryInG aBout? haVen’t I seen you soMeWhere BeFore?

JaNI DouBt It. you Look younG anD.......oh I knoW....you are a Frosh pLeDGe For the DGs. rIGht?

eMMaeXactLy. WILL Be at the canDLeLIGht cereMony sayInG the Motto, coLors, anD pLeDGe aFter the rush Week has FInIsheD.

MaNdYso Where are you FroM?

eMMaI’M FroM reD WInG, MInnesota. no BIG DeaL.

JaNI’Ve hearD oF the toWn. near st. pauL. hoMe oF reD WInG shoes.

eMMarIGht. anD they Make roLLer skates anD Ice skates aLso. the shoes haVe Gone out oF styLe, But the skates are Great.

MaNdYso Why DG? Why Do you Want to hanG WIth us tWo oLD MaIDs?

eMMaI reaLLy LIkeD the house on LanGDon, the partIes, coMraDeshIp, FooD, anD the oVeraLL Fun MIXeD WIth the acaDeMIcs. yes It Is a Great FeeLInG to Be a DG.

JaNso eMMa, are you GoInG to the WInter Bash at GranD GeneVa resort?

eMMayes, My Date anD I are GoInG up thursDay nIGht.

10

JaNWoW, Jan We are senIors anD thIs Itsy BItsy Frosh has us Beat aLreaDy.

eMMaso you tWo neeD Dates?

MaNdYWe neeD More than Dates. We Want husBanDs. We haVe the Itch to settLe In WhILe We are eMBarkInG on the Most Fun WInter seMester tWo DGs haVe eVer eXperIenceD.

JaNyes, It WILL Be acaDeMIcs FIrst, But We Won’t MIss one party. LanGDon street WILL knoW us WeLL. We are on a crusaDe.

eMMaI thInk I LIke you tWo. you are rooMMates rIGht?

JaNaLL Four years, anD Who knoWs the Way thInGs are GoInG MayBe For LIFe!

eMMano I’Ve Got the ansWer. I knoW a JunIor anD senIor FroM reDWInG Who are on the hockey teaM..........

MaNdYno We’Ve haD It WIth athLetes anD aLL that.

JaNWaIt a seconD ManDy; eMMa May Be on to soMethInG.

MaNdYok speak the truth aBout these Guys!

eMMaI Don’t knoW Many peopLe, But the ones I Do knoW are personaBLe, Fun, GoInG pLaces, anD perFect For a DG GIrL.

JaNso these Guys...are they cute?

eMMaVery - tens. they haVe It aLL toGether. reaL Guys. LIke to haVe Fun But haVe a serIous sIDe to theM. coMpLaIn that they cannot Meet the rIGht type oF GIrLs.

11

MaNdYWhere Do We Meet these hunks?

eMMahockey GaMe toMorroW nIGht. We pLay coLoraDo coLLeGe at the kohL center at 7. Get there earLy anD I’LL IntroDuce you tWo. MayBe We can Meet at state street Brats aFterWarDs. these Guys eat a ton oF Brats aFter GaMes. no Beer DurInG the season thouGh.

JaNthey haVe hockey. hoW can they Go to a WInter Bash at the GranD GeneVa resort?

eMMathe GaMe that WeekenD Is on a FrIDay. they’LL pIck you GaLs up earLy saturDay aM aFter LIckInG theIr WounDs.

MaNdYWhat eLse aBout these Guys? What Do they LIke?

eMMathey’re typIcaL Guys Who LoVe aLL sports, a touch oF Beer, anD GIrLs.

JaNI’M GaMe. sounDs LIke a Great start to the seMester. What IF they Don’t ask us to the WInter Bash?

eMMayou ask theM! they WouLD LoVe It.

MaNdYno Way. My MoM WouLD Freak IF she kneW I Was askInG Guys out.

eMMaok, Let’s Just say I’LL take care oF It For the LoVe oF My FeLLoW DeLta GaMMa sIsters.

eNd - Badgers XI