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BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT Dr. Jody Janati
BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT
Dr. Jody Janati
“RUDENESS IS THE WEAK MAN’S IMITATION
OF STRENGTH”OF STRENGTH”
~ Eric Hoffer
THE POLITE PATTERNTHE POLITE PATTERN
Cliché
Factact
OpinionOpinion
Emotion “Stay on the GROW”
“PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO BE WHO THEY
ARE DESPITE YOURARE DESPITE YOUR OPINIION OF THEM”OPINIION OF THEM
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATIONASSERTIVE COMMUNICATIONPursue your best interests w/o denying another’s Separate the person from the problemFocus on shared interests “what do we both ”Focus on shared interests, what do we both…Generate options to solve problemsCh “I” t t t b f “Y ” t t t “I f lChoose “I” statements before “You” statements, “I feel
uncomfortable when you use language…”Sti k t th f tStick to the factsExpress little to no emotion during an interactionFace difficult interactions squarely and authentically
FEELINGFEELING+
NEED
LANGUAGE OF COLLABORATION
Being PRESENT is a response!Being PRESENT is a response!FIGHTFLEEFLEE
orFLOW
HOW DO WE BALANCE BEHAVIOR?
Create little to no resistance“Ask; Don’t Tell; Offer Choices”Ask; Don t Tell; Offer Choices
Be consistent “Consistency Over Time = Trust”
Awareness = ChangeCommit to making other’s aware“I noticed…I see you are…”
BALANCING BEHAVIORBALANCING BEHAVIOR 1. Tell them what they did [fact]
2. Tell them how it made you feel -or-
State a consequence of their behavior
3. “Point it out, Bring it up, Put it on your radar Thought you shouldyour radar, Thought you shouldknow, Wanted you to be aware...”
TIME TO ACT!TIME TO ACT! Step 1 - A Ask them to meet with you
[give them at least 10 min.]
Step 2 - C Clear concise statement [10 -12 words]
Step 3 - T Transfer responsibility [repeat about 10 times]
“ANGER IS ONE LETTER SHORT OF DANGER”
~ Eric Hoffer
QUESTIONWhat are the Underlying ComponentsWhat are the Underlying Components
of Stress • Anger • Fear?
ANSWERHurt = Past ThoughtsHurt Past ThoughtsWorry = Future Thoughts
“ ”“What Do You Do?”
Control your thoughts or they ill t lTHANK YOU!will control youTHANK YOU!
“When I think the thought “ ”
You are “Response Able!”_______________, “Response – Able!”
my thoughts and behavior towards this May You Find
Yperson become
Your “Conversation Peace”person become
“_____________________.”Conversation Peace
Dr. Jody [email protected] | 651.210.2246
www.communicationinnovation.vpweb.com
