Balancing Work & Home, 6/2004, Rev. 3/2005, T216-16-UBHReproduction of material for use other than intended purpose requires the written consent of UBH.

Training Programs©UBH 2004

Balancing Work and Home

Learning to Juggle Multiple Demands

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Agenda

Introduction

Identifying Multiple Demands

Resource Deficits

Achieving Balance

Taking Responsibility

When to Talk to a Professional Counselor

Closing

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Learning Points

Participants will:

• Determine various sources of stress

• Take a fresh look at personal values and choices

• Learn skills for effectively managing multiple demands

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Learning Points

• Determine various sources of stress

• Take a fresh look at personal values and choices

• Learn skills for effectively managing multipledemands

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List all the activities, responsibilities, etc. you are dealing with in both your personal and professional life. You might consider the following areas: home/family, social, spiritual, self-care, work, hobbies, education and community.

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Identifying Multiple Responsibilities

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Identifying MultipleResponsibilities

Home/Family Social

Spiritual

Self-care

Community

Work

Education

Hobbies

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Fill in the first circle, dividing it into a pie chart by showing what portion of your time is used for which activity. Use the activities you listed in the previous exercise. Use the second circle to indicate how you want it to be.

Identifying Multiple Demands (Continued)

Parts of the pie:

Home/family

Social

Spiritual

Self-care

Work

Hobbies

Education

Community

How it is now:

How you

want it to be:

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Identifying MultipleResponsibilities

Home/Family Social

Spiritual

Self-care

Community

Work

Education

Hobbies

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Dealing With Resource Deficits

________________________________________How important? Do I possess it?1. Enough money _____ _____2. Material necessities (food, clothing, shelter, transportation, etc.) _____ _____3. Material luxuries (large home, expensive cars, exotic vacations, etc.) _____ _____4. Stamina/endurance/energy _____ _____5. A sense of humor _____ _____6. A positive outlook _____ _____7. Good health and attention to my physical needs _____ _____8. Health of family members _____ _____9. Personal flexibility and adaptability _____ _____10. Intimacy with one or more family members _____ _____11. Good primary relationship _____ _____12. A supportive, involved partner _____ _____13. Time for self, personal leisure pursuits _____ _____14. Good relationship with children _____ _____15. Good parenting skills _____ _____16. A sense of control over my life _____ _____17. Feelings of success _____ _____18. Stable employment _____ _____19. A meaningful career _____ _____20. Opportunities to grow and advance at work _____ _____21. Meaningful friendships _____ _____22. A support system _____ _____23. Good child care _____ _____24. Help with household chores _____ _____25. Involvement in resources for continuing educational growth _____ _____26. Involvement in avenues to help me grow spiritually _____ _____27. Opportunities to be involved and to contribute to the larger community _____ _____

Rate the following resources by the following criteria:A) How important the resource is to youB) The extent to which you possess the resource

Rating Scale:1: Not at all2: To a moderate degree3: To a great degree

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Dealing with Resource Deficits

Cognitive shift

Redistribution of assets

Acceptance

Fundamental lifestyle change

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Achieving Balance

Reframe Negative Self-TalkThe language you use to describe your feelings and situations has a powerful impact on your stress level. Words like “should”, “ought”, “must”, “always” and “never” are absolute and can lock you into a mindset that has a harmful impact on your self-esteem and relationships. Below are some unproductive statements that have been transformed into productive ones.

Unproductive Self Talk Productive Self Talk“My life is crazy. It’s out of control.” “Things are really hectic right now. But I

know I can cope. I’ve done it before.”“I should be spending more time with “I want to spend more time with my kids.” my kids. I’m going to cancel my

Wednesday night appointment.”

Reduce Unproductive Guilt• Find an authority figure to back you up• Seek out peer support• Surround yourself with encouraging friends and family members

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C o p in g S tra teg ies: A ch iev in g B a la n ce

• R efram e n eg a tiv e se lf -ta lk

• R ed u ce u n p ro d u c tiv e g u ilt

• E x p lo re o rg an iza tio n a l flex ib ility

• T ry p e rso n a l an d in te rp e rso n a l co p in g tip s

• G e t su p p o rt

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Achieving Balance (Continued)

Explore Organizational FlexibilityBe assertive and respectful about exploring avenues within the workplace that enable you to better balance work and home activities. Although your employer may have very good reasons for not being able to offer alternative arrangements, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Some arrangements you may be able to negotiate include: Flexible start and end times Working at home Broadened use of sick leave Job sharing Part-time work Brown bag seminars on stress

management, parenting and other topics

Personal and Interpersonal Methods• Use “deprogramming” time and techniques to avoid thinking about work while at home and vice versa.• Question your standards and expectations. Which can be lowered? Which need to be raised?• Use humor generously and positively.

Get Support Intimate relationships with other adults Tag team parenting and/or Friends eldercare Neighbors Family Community resources

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C o p in g S tra teg ies: A ch iev in g B a la n ce

• R efram e n eg a tiv e se lf -ta lk

• R ed u ce u n p ro d u c tiv e g u ilt

• E x p lo re o rg an iza tio n a l flex ib ility

• T ry p e rso n a l an d in te rp e rso n a l co p in g tip s

• G e t su p p o rt

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Conduct family/roommate meetings

Combine needs/responsibilities that can be met at the same time

Rotate which needs get met

Get help

Re-evaluate old habits and priorities

Understand the past

Stop second guessing

Plan weekends

Use the calendar

Achieving Balance: Strategies for Home

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Achieving Balance:Strategies for Home

• Hold family meetings.

• Combine tasks.

• Rotate which needs get met.

• Get help.

• Re-evaluate priorities.

• Understand the past.

• Stop second guessing.

• Plan weekends.

• Use the calendar.

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Chores: Getting the Work Done

1. Use a family meeting to allow family members to choose which chores to do. Don’t assign tasks.

2. Use star charts or other incentive systems with young children and allowances with older children.

3. When tasks are not completed, leave them undone if possible and let natural consequences occur.

4. Lower your standards. Strive for neat, rather than sparkling clean.

5. Use the “ten minute” system. Give everyone ten minutes to see how much straightening and cleaning they can get done. Make it into a race and set the timer.

6. Plan your cleaning projects at “low impact” times of the day. For example, it probably takes less time to clean a kitchen floor at 10:00 p.m. than at 5:00 p.m.

7. Consider hiring a cleaning service or arranging chore co-ops with the neighbors.

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Chores: Getting the Work Done

1.Call a family meeting.

2.Use incentives.

3.Use natural consequences.

4.Lower your standards.

5.Use the “ten minute” system.

6.Plan cleaning projects at “low impact” times of the day.

7.Consider hiring a cleaning service or arranging chore co-ops with the neighbors.

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Use discretionary time to meet personal needs.

Set limits.

Communicate needs.

Ask yourself: What are my values and goals?

Acknowledge what you do accomplish.

Get support.

Be supportive.

Achieving Balance: Strategies for Work and Play

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Strategies for Finding Balance at Work and Play

• Use discretionary time

• Set limits

• Communicate needs

• Consider values and goals

• Acknowledge accomplishments

• Get support

• Be supportive

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Make time to be alone. What seems to get sacrificed most often in the struggle to find balance between work and home is time alone. Yet this might be the most important time you spend.

Know your passions. Know what is meaningful and highly motivating to you—what makes you feel most alive. Set priorities.

Realize the choices are difficult. The choices are ours, so make them consciously and never be afraid to question or change them. Implicit in making choices is saying yes and saying no.

Learn to let go. Once you set your priorities, let the rest go. Some people say you can have it all, but in today’s culture, that is a rare phenomenon.

Allow for change. As needs, demands and situations change, so will your choices. Certain phases of your life are time-limited.

Keep communication open. Constant communication with those around you is essential to keeping your sense of balance. Don’t assume that what was okay with them or you yesterday is going to be okay tomorrow.

Taking Responsibility

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Taking Responsibility

• Make time to be alone

• Know your passions

• Realize that the choices are difficult

• Learn to let go

• Allow for change

• Keep communication open

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When to Talk to aProfessional Counselor

Any of these experiences may signal the need for the help a professional counselor can provide.

• Emotional mood swings

• Angry outbursts

• Prolonged crying or weeping

• Using drugs or alcohol to cope

• Reckless behavior

• Anxiety or panic

• Inconsistent work performance

• Interpersonal difficulties

• Withdrawal

• Low energy or chronic fatigue

• Change in sleep patterns

• Diminished or increased appetite

• Feelings of despair or hopelessness

• Diminished capacity for pleasure

• Suicidal thoughts

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When To Talk To A Professional Counselor

• Emotions feel unwieldy

• Use of drugs/alcohol to cope

• Reckless behavior

• Decrease in work performance

• Interpersonal difficulties

• Disrupted sleep and appetite patterns

• Suicidal thoughts

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For Further Readingand Additional Resources

BooksChick, Erica D. Fundamentals of Work-Life Balance. ASTD Press, 2004.Drago, Robert W. Striking a Balance: Work, Family, Life. Dollars & Sense, 2007.Evans, John. Marathon Dad: Setting a Pace That Works for Working Fathers. Harper Perennial, 1999.Fletcher, Winston. Beating the 24/7: How Business Leaders Achieve a Successful Work/Life Balance. Wiley, 2002.Harper, Rhonda. Seeking Joy: The Real Truth About Work/Life Balance – Women Corporate Executives Speak Out. Imprint Books, 2003.Harvey, Carolyn S. and Beth E. Herrild. Comfortable Chaos: Forget “Balance” and Make Career and Family Choices That Work for You. Self-Counsel Press, 2005.Johnston, Robert K. and J. Walker Smith. Life Is Not Work, Work Is Not Life: Simple Reminders for Finding Balance in a 24/7 World. Wildcat Canyon Press, 2001.Karst, Patrice. The Single Mother’s Survival Guide. Crossing Pr., 2000.Koch, Richard. Living the 80/20 Way: Work Less, Worry Less, Succeed More, Enjoy More. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2005.Lim, Gary. The Road to Gumption: Using Your Inner Courage to Balance Your Work and Personal Life. Dorato Press, 2007.Mason, Mary Ann and Eve Mason Ekman. Mothers on the Fast Track: How a New Generation Can Balance Family and Careers. Oxford University Press, 2007.Merrill, A. Roger and Rebecca Merrill. Life Matters: Creating a Dynamic Balance of Work, Family, Time, and Money. McGraw-Hill, 2004.Molloy, Andrea. Stop Living Your Job, Start Living Your Life: 85 Simple Strategies to Achieve Work/Life Balance. Ulysses Press, 2005.St. James, Elaine. Simplify Your Work Life: Ways to Change the Way You Work So You Have More Time to Live. Hyperion, 2002.

WebsitesDue to rapid changes occurring on the Internet, we cannot guarantee the availability of these Websites

www.bluesuitmom.com/career/balance/www.forbes.com/2007/03/19/work-life-balance-lead-careers-worklife07-cx_db_mn_0319worklife_land.htmlwww.mayoclinic.com/health/work-life-balance/WL00056www.microsoft.com/smallbusiness/resources/management/leadership-training/need-work-life-balance-7-tips.aspx#Needworklifebalancetipswww.webmd.com/balance/guide/5-strategies-for-life-balance

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The responsibilities we have mean we have less time to spend on significant relationships, often at the expense of the relationship. This exercise is designed to measure how much stress our relationship is under and help us decide what we may want to do about it.

How are you handling dual-career stress?

Yes No

_____ _____ 1. Has there been a balance between work and family time this past week?

_____ _____ 2. Have you taken time recently to be alone?

_____ _____ 3. Do you and your partner regularly schedule some time together away from both work and children, elderly relatives or

other family members?

_____ _____ 4. Do you share household chores and responsibilities?

_____ _____ 5. Do you discuss topics other than just work, the kids, elderly relatives or other family members?

One or two no answers means your handling of stress is within acceptable limits. Three no’s suggest that you both might want to take stock of your situation. Four or more no’s indicate potential problems which a professional counselor may be able to help you address.

Appendix A: Dual Career Stress