Mediation & Conflict Skills

Baltimore Mediation

Welcome and Introductions

• Baltimore Mediation– Instructor Introductions– Vision: Devoted to community service, teaching and assisting

others in the resolution of conflict through dialogue. – Mission: Offer a transformative approach to otherwise

adversarial means of resolving conflict. – History: Established in 1993 by Louise Phipps Senft as the first

mediation firm in the State of Maryland with all services from transformative approach.

• Participant introductions – “icebreaker” – Break into pairs– Introduce each other

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Agenda

• Breakdown– Day 1: Theory & skills – self-awareness– Day 2: More skills & putting process together– Day 3: Fine tuning. Ethics throughout…

• Introduce Training Manual• Learning Objectives & Training Goals (2)

– Understand relational worldview & conflict transformation theory– Empowerment and recognition– Value of third party interventions– Explain differing ethical standards and significance

• Example/story of professional application?

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Guidelines & Decisions

• Investment of time and energy• Possible focus areas– Are you an “on-time” group?– Confidentiality? What does it mean?

• Requests for feedback– Constructive– Respectful– Discomfort with language or behavior?

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Standing in the Parties’ Shoes

• Conflict stories (7-8)– What was most disturbing or upsetting?– How did you feel physically & emotionally?

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Theories of Conflict (9)

• Power – need organizing & mobilizing• Rights – need argumentation and advocacy• Needs & Interests – need problem solving

• Transformative– Conflict as a crisis in human interaction– Parties need help overcoming crisis and improving the

quality of the interaction– Transformative “Bridge” – after people improve the quality

of their interaction, they are clear about how they would specifically like to resolve their issues (i.e. go to court, etc.)

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Understanding Conflict (18-22)

• Conflict is…– Normal– Situational– Dynamic – constantly shifting and redefining

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Mapping the Conflict Transformation Process

• From The Promise of Mediation• People in conflict are relatively weak and self-

absorbed– Shifts in Empowerment help them gain strength in self– Shifts in Recognition help them reconnect with others

• Diagram of Conflict Transformation process (23)• Baruch analogy about people coming to

mediation injured – arm in a sling…

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Ethical Practice (Introduction)

• Self-Determination• Quality of Practice• Standards of Practice – Model Standards of Conduct for Mediation (139)• American Arbitration Association (AAA)• ABA Section of Dispute Resolution• Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR• Significant changes in 2005 revision

– Self-Determination: “…process and outcome” vice “volunary agreement”

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Ethical Practice (contd.)

• When faced with other’s conflicts, what are your urges and tendencies? Where do they come from?

• Listening Exercise in Pairs – Seven minutes each with good listening– Group Discussion

• We each have a worldview (social framework, expected to offer advice & solutions, solve the problem, especially Western culture) – Good intentions

• Why discuss as mediators– Awareness of own directive tendencies– Ability to set aside – choose other than automatic responses

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Conflict Shifts

• What would have changed the negative experiences? (17)– Refer to earlier descriptions– Empowerment & Recognition– Examples

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Definitions

• Mediation (34)– Directive/Transactional– Facilitative: Harvard Business School/Getting to Yes

(Linear process, limited, separate meetings, mediator takes significant responsibility)

– Transformative/Relational (Improve quality of interaction, conversation, agreement may not be only goal..)

• Structure – non-linear (91-92) • Following the parties – purpose of E&R (89-90)

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Mediation Demonstration

• Discuss Mediation– Overview of process (CT Diagram) – What was going on in your mind? What were you

thinking? • Role players’ impression of process – interaction not

content• Identify experience of weakness, vulnerability,

confusion, uncertainty - Antidote: Empowerment • Identify experience of suspicion, defensiveness,

hostility, assuming the worst – Antidote: Recognition

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Transformative Conflict Theory

• Research (24)– Communications – powerlessness and alienation– Psychology – diminishment and powerlessness, suspicion and anger– International relations – challenges to identity– Neurophysiological research –chemicals to brain cause panic and

aggression • Premises (25)

– Human beings have moral impulse to act with strength and compassion

– Capacity to act in one’s self-interest and be responsive to others– Conflict as a crisis in human interaction– Most important to improve the quality of the interaction

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Connection Between Theory and Practice

• Why we choose to intervene – skills can be used for different purposes (32-33)

• Core practices– Attend to opportunities for E&R (Micro-focus)– Monitor directive tendencies– Respond in a way that supports opportunities for

E&R

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Listening Introduction• Introduction about what we do• Three Chairs Exercise (53-55)

– A tells story about B (who is not present) to C (Mediator), who listens reflectively– A moves to empty chair and becomes B– B gives feedback to A (empty chair) while Mediator listens reflectively – C becomes A, while B (original A) has a conversation with him/herself (as acted by

original C) – Brief feedback to listener after each stage of exercise

• Debrief– Difficulties– Experience of reflective listening

• Sympathy/Apathy/Empathy: “Sympathy leaves me where I am. Empathy helps me move forward.”

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Mediator’s Basic Repertoire

• Guided by orientation and purpose – E&R– Listening– Silence– Reflection– Summary– Opening Questions– Checking-In

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Demonstration

• Party perspectives: Exploring the situation, deliberating and decision making. – Volunteer share story and class participants offer

reflections• What are reflections? • Why do them?• Mediator “two-steps”

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Brief Overview of Opening

• Create a safe space– Warm and welcoming– Invite participants to have a conversation– Explain role of mediators– Immediate focus upon reflections and opening

questions• Get centered• Reflect their concerns

– Attend, monitor and respond

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Role Play #1

• Emphasis upon listening and reflection• Opportunities for ethical self-determination• Be mindful of issues emerging from confusion

and options being generated• Hold up commonalities and sharpen

differences• Support empowerment and recognition

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Reflection Practice

• Getting Clear Exercise– Something you’re struggling with– Share in confidence

• Best Practices– Being in tune with speaker– Listening intently– Focusing on heat words – energy…– Take “I” and “we” out of interventions

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Cycles

• Conflict Transformation process is non-linear– Not stages– Five components (91-92)

• Creating the context (How do I want to do this?) • Exploring the situation (What is this about?)• Deliberating is central to process (What does this mean?) • Exploring possibilities (What is possible?) • Decision-making (What do I do? Throughout process.)

– Doesn’t matter where the parties start, because if we follow them, they will follow-through on a process…

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Welcome and Opening Statements - Creating Context (93-103)

• Conversation• Welcoming, informing• Orienting parties to the process • Orienting parties to each other• Highlight possible outcomes – non-agreement is OK!• Voluntary, neutral and confidential (exceptions)• Highlight decision-making opportunities• Invites requests of mediator and other parties -

guidelines

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Mini-Role Play #2

• Practice openings in groups of four• Five to eight minutes each pair• Feedback, switch & process briefly

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Exploring Possibilities - Ideas & Options (105)

• Let go of control• Be comfortable sitting in the heat• Always open to parties’ choice – “…or not”• Requests embedded in blame• Tangible and intangible (respect, etc.) • Beware not to jump on first idea• Remain optimistic to all ideas• Use of outside resources• Use of hypothetical to “create space” for ideas – “What would it look like

if?...) • Request for mediator suggestions… “I can’t. I’d have to be listening with

different ears” • Sharpen differences

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Deliberating - Throughout Process (104)

• Be comfortable with the heat• Help prioritize – through supportive interventions• Maybe… maybe not. • Effect of conversation upon third parties• Exploring pros and cons• Outside information and/or advice• Uncertainty• Mediator suggestions• Lifting up underlying values

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Role Play #3

• Creating context• Exploring Situation• Deliberating• Developing Possibilities• Is agreements, write them up

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Ethics and Legalities (139-145)

• Ethics/Standards of Practice– Self-determination– Impartiality– Conflict of Interest– Competence– Confidentiality

• Explain carefully – not “What happens in Vegas…” • Be thoughtful about separate meetings

– Quality of Process– Advertising and Solicitation– Fees– Advancement of Mediation Practice

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Ethics and Legalities (contd.)

• What governs?– AAA, ABA, ACR Standards of 2005– Maryland Court Rules – Title 17 ADR– Uniform Mediation Act

• Confidentiality “sieve”• Maryland is an “opt out” state

• Recourse– Roster managers– MPME & Ombuds complaints (146-152)

• Mediator coercion• Confusion/misunderstanding• DV victims – “I want in…”

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Agreements (107)

• May be partial or complete• May be temporary or final• Who, what, where, when, why• Verbal or written• Prepared by mediators or others• Demonstrated legal capacity or not… • Reviewed by others or not• Impact upon third parties not present• Who needs to know – support or implementation

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Ethical Dilemmas (Handout)

• Referral with promise of additional fee for settlement

• Employer who wants feedback on individual mediations to judge value of program

• Tenant who agrees to pay additional charges when you know the law doesn’t require her to do so

• Sharing information from private meeting

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Cultural Change

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Mediator Presence (119)

• Prepare – Center self– Coordinate with co-mediator

• Give full attention – Monitor directive tendencies – Listen like a….

• Use mediation skills from the beginning– Reflect concerns rather trying to convince…

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Role Play #4

• Follow-through on process– Review co-mediation– Use agreement to mediation form– Follow parties– Summarize, reflect, opening questions, check-ins

• Review best practices– Language of openings

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Recognizing Success (110)

• Improving the quality of the conflict interaction…• Empowerment shifts

– Addressing each other directly – in second person– Body language– Growing more clear and articulate– Becoming more calm and confident

• Recognition shifts– Talking to rather than about each other– Listening more attentively – Acknowledging new information– Attributing better intentions– Apologizing – language may take many forms…

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Working With Attorneys

• The law is one factor for people in mediation to consider… or not. Lawyers may be concerned due to:– Perceived loss of business– Level playing field – being manipulated– Belief that they “can settle, themselves” – Vulnerability to discovery– Perceived pressure to settle– Fear of being out-negotiated– Conflict avoidance– Misunderstanding about compromise as a goal

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Working With Attorneys (contd.)

• Working effectively together– Pre-mediation work– Build rapport– Establish roles– Use same skills– Respect – never alienate– Ethical requirement to give all participants the

opportunity to speak (but it’s OK to do so through counsel if the choose…)

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Role Play #5: Critical Points

• From USPS experience• Rapidly demonstrate effect of transformative

interventions• Built upon vignettes from real life

– Recognize weakness and self-absorption– Micro-focus to identify opportunities for E&R– Tennis machine analogy

• Practice– Identify opportunities for E&R (76-77)– Monitor directive tendencies– Enact supportive responses

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Critical Points (contd.)

• Exercise– Trainer reads background– Role player assumes persona and reads vignette– Trainer solicits opportunities for E&R from class

• Everything is an opportunity• What else? E&R!• Listen carefully – it’s difficult to remember

– Trainer encourages class to act upon directive impulses• Discuss impact upon role player• Ask class to be more subtly directive…

– Trainer asks class to enact appropriate transformative interventions• More difficult to recognize opportunities for recognition• Important to listen very carefully (hard to remember…)

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Role Play #6: “Fish Bowl” Exercise

• Stop/start after each pair• Highlight “successes”• Follow through on process

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Cycle of Forgiveness

• Open relationship• Injury– Physical and/or emotional withdrawal

• Self-awareness– Reflection (feelings and/or deeper vulnerability

• Decision (head)– Internal commitment to reconciliation

• Decision (heart)– Act of risk…

• Open relationship41

Through a Systems Lens

• Awareness of relational framework all around us• Think about things that work well– At work– In team-oriented medicine, law enforcement,

community services, etc. – In collaborative law

• What isn’t working? – Adversarial politics– Competitive conversation

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Hallmarks of Transformative Practice

1. The opening statement says it all.2. It’s ultimately the parties’ choice.3. The parties know best. 4. The parties have what it takes. 5. There are facts in the feelings. 6. Clarity emerges from confusion. 7. The action is “In the room”. 8. Discussing the past has value to the present.9. Conflict can be a long term affair. 10. Small steps count!

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Evaluations & Closing

• Collect feedback• Present certificates• Announcements & upcoming events• “Golden Nuggets”• Next steps

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