Banger Banter Newsletter 3rd Quarter 2012

7/31/2019 Banger Banter Newsletter 3rd Quarter 2012

1/44

Andrew Tatam

Forwards v BacksA South African Story

Robbie Deans HasGotta Go

NZ Native Tour ToEngland In 1888

Hamish On Rugby

Shane Caldwell

My Rugby Life

Over A Heinnie

Rugby History

Pierre Andre

Stews Views Ancient Quill Five Minutes Ask Nantida Tom Kerr Bangers Humour


2/44


3/44


4/44


5/44

You Will Always be A Banger

Banger BanterJuly - September 2012

41

Hamish Watters

31.. Rugby SpeakMeaningful Quotes.

32. Five MinutesWith Keir Merrick.

33. Referee RamblingsMike Gilbert New Rugby Rules.

34. Rugby RufansWhat To Eat For Rugby Success.

36. Stews ViewsOur Man In London.

38. China MattersFrosty : Joining The Bangers RC.

39. A Mo Mo Moment

Steve Mommaerts from Manila.40. Insight

Robbie Deans Has Gotta Go.

43. Ask NantidaBangers Rugby Therapist

Pierre Andre

17

Andrew Tatam

21


6/44


July - September 2012nger Banter. 6

The BANGER BANTER is published quarterlyby the Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club formembers, sponsors and friends of the rugbyclub. The Banger Banter can also be downloadedfrom the club web site. Members contribute alleditorial and photography. The layout and designis provided by Ruck Graphics - a member of theOld Bangkok Banger Rugby Club

Banger Banter July - September 2012

EDITORIAL

Roberto GuoloAndrew TatamAndrew RamingFrancois Jeff KlentziTom KerrHamish Watters

CONTRIBUTORSMike GilbertAndrew TatamPierre Andre

Andrew HjelmelandShaun CaldwellBob MerriganSteve Mommarets

PHOTOGRAPHYMike Laloli

PROOF READER

Mike Laloli

WEBMASTER

Mike Laloli

Sponsors 2012-13

he new Bangers club rooms on the third oor ofTenderloins have served the club well over the lastquarter. We have hosted teams from South Africa,

Indonesia, Hong Kong and the Philippines. The touringclubs have all remarked how lucky we are to have such afacility. The challenge is how to sustain the interest. Furtherimprovements to the ambience of the club rooms are ongoing, making it a better and more welcoming place to be.

This quarter, the Banter interviewed David Lawrenceof Urbaan Real Estate who has been a sponsor of theBangers for the last two years. Remember to support our

sponsors they help keep the club aoat and support thecharity programs in Bangkok and Phuket we are involvedwith. If you have a value added suggestion that would givethe sponsor some extra mileage, please let me know.

The Ancients are coming out of the closet at the BangkokInternational Sevens at the end of October for a trot.According to Foxy, the founder and manager of this augustclub, there has been plenty of interest from his silvertailmembership for this outing.

Roberto Guolo, plan to attract new players to the clubseem to be working. Over the last couple month we havelured new players into the fold. The Banger stickers thatRoberto had specially made, are popping up at the mostunlikely of places. Saw one on a tuk tuk the other day.!!!

Interim club coach, Jeff Klentzi now has the runs on theboard. Plotting victories for the Colts side in the ThaiRugby Union competition was nor easy. Jeff was up to thechalllenge and got the Colts in to the Finals. A rst for our

club.

The next SEA Challenge game for the club is in KualaLumpur on the 17th November. Still need number for this

tour. Make the effort. We need a victory in this prestigioustournament.

Consider contributing to the Banger Banter each quarter.Its your newsletter

Editor


7/44



said recently, it is time for the Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club tobecome a more professional and modern rugby club both on and offthe pitch.

Whilst new players and a fresh approach can inject vigour and ambition,they cannot guarantee success. To me, it comes down to our attitude.We must all accept that in an amateur rugby club, family and workcommitments of our players must come rst however, I do believe that if

our attitude both on and off the pitch is right, then success will follow.

A club like the Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club is very much about itsmembership. Their commitment ranges from playing, team managementand supporting to attending the array of club sponsored social events.

Members alike will be working on behalf of the club as well as enjoying our excellent facilities whether as aplayer or supporter!

Over the last year we have seen the completion of our clubhouse on the third oor of Tenderloins. We willcontinue to work to improve the clubhouse. So far we have hosted visiting sides from the South Africa,Hong Kong, Philippines and Indonesia. They have all been great rugby evenings and we have receivedgenerous comments from our guests. When you compare our facilities to other rugby clubs around Asia,we are indeed lucky to be playing rugby here.

Finally, I hope that everyone is enjoying this season. Whilst success on the pitch is what any clubultimately aims for, enjoyment is why we play, watch and become involved with rugby. Enjoyment shouldbe at the heart of every rugby club.

In this spirit, I would ask everyone to invite your friends to the club and help make the Old BangkokBangers a family friendly rugby club were everyone involved has a tremendous amount of fun.

Yours in Rugby


8/44



A drunk woman leapt into a taxi stark naked.Sachin, the Indian cab driver made no attempt todrive off.Whats wrong with you Luv, havent you ever seena naked woman before?Ill not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, thatwould not be proper, where I am coming from...Well, if youre not bloody staring at me Luvie, whatare you doing then?Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinkingand thinking to myself, where is this lady keepingthe money to be paying me with?

Harry was travelling down a country road in hisnative Yorkshire, England when he saw a largegroup of people outside a farmhouse.It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped andasked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men

was gathered there.The farmer replied, Eddies donkey kicked hismother-in-law and she died.Well, replied the man, She must have had a lot offriends.Nope, said Giles. We all just want to buy hisdonkey.

My new wife Jenny told me we couldnt afford beeranymore and Id have to quit. Then I caught her

spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come Ihad to give up stuff and not her.She said she needed the makeup to look pretty forme.I told her that was what the beer was for.I dont think Jennys coming back.

Mary was asleep in bed when her husband, Patrick,crashed through the front door at 3 am waking herup. He staggered through the hallway and tried toget up the stairs.What are you doing? Mary shouted.Patrick replied, Im trying to get this gallon of beerup the stairs.Leave it down there, Patrick, Mary bellowed. Icant, Patrick replied, Ive drunk it.

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Mona-ghans at in Dungarvan when Sean OToole loses

$700 on a single hand, clutches his chest and dropsdead at the table.Showing respect for their fallen brother, the otherve continue playing standing up. Michael Lennon

looks around and asks, Oh, me boys, someonesgot to tell Seans wife. Who will it be?They draw straws. Cavan Colquhoun picks theshort one. They tell him to be discreet and gentleand not to make a bad situation any worse. Dis-creet? Im the most discreet Irishmen youll evermeet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it tome. announces Cavan.He goes over to OTooles house and knocks on thedoor.Brenda OToole answers and asks what he wants.Cavan declares: Your husband just lost $700 and isafraid to come home.Tell him to drop dead! snarls Brenda. Ill go tell

him. says Cavan.

Travelling Down A Country Road

Jenny s Not Coming Back

A Blond With Two Red Ears

A Drunk Women Sean Drops Dead

Crashes Through The Front Door

Joke

of theQuarter

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. Thedoctor asked her what had happened to her ears?I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang butinstead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked

up the iron and stuck it to my ear.Oh Dear! the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. Butwhat happened to your other ear?The son-of-a-bitch called back.


9/44



PS . Have time to squeeze this in. The Bangershad another ne win last weekend. We beat the

Southerners in the TRU tournament semi nals. It

was hard fought match. Next week we are in nals.

Amazing stuff. The game against the Southernerswill be remembered as one of the great Bangervictories.

uring a long summer break for those of usinvolved in education and for those withchildren involved in education several

members of the Bangers community continued toarrange to meet for fun, tness and fraternity to add

a pleasant twist to our club motto.

Upon returning to Sunday training we had but oneweek before the next round of the SEA ChallengeCup began with a home match versus the Manila

Nomads on the 18th August.The game was played in a very physical style withno quarter given from either defence. The windcertainly played its part with a 180 degree turnabout at half time just we hoped to gain the benet

but they took their opportunities well and we cameup short.

Luckily our own Bangers Mo Mo in their team did notgloat too much late into the night... or did he!

This left us with a three week gap to get t and

prepare for our next challenges in the SEAChallenge and the Thai Rugby Union (TRU)competition. Well done to those who used ourWednesday and Sunday sessions to do just that.We were then hit by a double whammy, with the

Jakarta Komodos visiting on the 15th of Septemberand our rst match in the TRU on the 16th against

Kings College. Two games in two days.

The game against Jakarta hinged on a couple ofunfortunate tactical mistakes, but our team spiritand dedication to could not be faulted with our rst

bonus point in the competition. We lost this match22- 19 loss.

After a very tough game our hosting skills came tothe fore. We enjoyed a few post game beveragestogether with Jakarta on the pitch before heading toour club house on the top oor of Tenderloins Steak

House. A good turnout of Bangers numbers playedthere part in a memorable and fun rugby evening.We received many post tour thank yous from theKomodos.

The TRU were up to there usual tricks with a time

and venue change for our Sunday match. We didnot know about until Friday afternoon. We stillmanaged to eld 17 Bangers for our rst match of

the season. Swamp like conditions played their partas we struggled to build momentum with the ball in

hand allowing too many turn over situations. TheBangers kept going and pushed to their limits.

A nal score of 17-7 could easily have been

reversed had a few passes stuck but again theBanger attitude and endeavour could not be faulted.A huge thank you to all of those players who made

themselves available for the matches with manymore on the horizon in September and beyond.

Thanks also to those who came out to support thegames. It was really appreciated. My plea for thematches ahead would be for more of the Bangersfraternity to add their support to whatever Bangerevents come our way on or off the eld.

A Club can only be judged by those who supportand belong to it and those people are YOU.

Andrew Tatam - Club Captain


10/44



on the forehead of a new prospect. He will not regret it.

There are some tough games coming up. The Bangers seem to thrive in challenging situations. We lookforward to nishing the Thailand Rugby Union Tournament on a high note, before we tangle with the

Selangor Dogs on their home turf in Kuala Lumpur. Take pride in your club Bangers, sign up and make theeffort to go to Malaysia. Also coming up is the Bangkok International Sevens and the Royal Bangkok SportsClub Tournament. Plenty of rugby at the moment

Andrew Raming

ello Bangers, Your injured Captain here, reporting from the

sidelines, voice hoarse from supporting the Bangers Itshard work almost as hard as playing !!!! .

After the recent narrow loss to the Jakarta Komodos, and closeloss to Kings College (the next day) the Bangers morale hadtaken a bit of a pounding.

Last weekend we took to the pitch against RattanabanditUniversity we made amends. With only fteen players available

(two were forced out of retirement for this occasion), the Bangersspirit shined through, without letting up for a full eighty minutes.

Moments such as these are inspirational and remind me why theOld Bangkok Bangers are the greatest rugby team in the world.

Clearly the underdogs, the Bangers put their bodies on the line,for their team. It was magnicent stuff.

Back down to earth, we still need some more players so lets outthere and nd them. Slap one of Robertos new Banger stickers


11/44



owadays, according to my last words in the Banter a year ago, Ishould be spending my Sundays afternoon relaxing or playing withthe sharks on the beach in Perth.

But, plans are made to be changed. I still end up my weekends as I havefor the past six years, playing with the Bangers at Patana beach and thenrelaxing at the Red & White

Youre going to tell me that it does not explain why Im writing such story inthe coaches column of this prestigious newsletter, but since Des Gist hadto move back to Hong Kong, we could not nd anybody to replace him.

With the SEA Cup Challenge, the Thai Rugby Union and Royal BangkokSports Club tournaments around the corner, we had to named a coach toll in the form and for some reason my name came out of the list rst.

Sometime half a loaf is better than none !!! This being said, Dess philoso-

phy and training view accommodate quiet well in the new me and my newTriathletes life.

My own personal philosophy is that the more you run, the tter you are,

the better the decision making and lower the injuries This was coming from a back couple of months ago,but now its coming from a front rower.!!! Time change and we all know that Bangers have always beenahead in term of strategy and physical preparation. There is no doubt in my mind, If all the player stick to thisplan, results will follow.

This is borne out by the fact of our rst place on the SEA Challenge Cup boat race competition. It is not a

coincidence. Just the result of all the hard session we have put in at the Red & White. I have no reason tochange anything. Having said that, we just need to be at our peak on the paddock for two hours come gametime.

See you all on the eld for the Wednesday and Sundays training sessions.

Mind My Accent

Interim Coach, Triathlete, Parachutist etc


12/44


13/44



ature Bangers are often the target of gentleridicule by some of the younger upstarts.But, in truth, there is a huge pool of wisdom

languishing somewhere behind their forgetfulness.

Its a good time to highlight some examples of that

wisdom from our Ancient past.

The Banger Ancients are known for their fondnessfor beer. Our forefathers were also addicted to thetaste: The wine urges me on; the bewitching wine( Homer). and Beer is proof that God loves us andwants us to be happy (Benjamin Franklin).

It is also reported that women dont sit high onour collective thought processes. In history othershad similar issues - Women should be obsceneand not heard (Groucho Marx). When dealingwith our ladies we should always remember Aclosed mouth gathers no feet (Sam Horn) and thatwomen usually get the last word A mans gottado what a mans gotta do; a woman must do whathe cant (Rhonda Hansome). Whilst this may beseem unwise, is it common sense? Judging fromthe behaviour of some Bangers members andaccording to Voltaire Common sense is not socommon.

Its impossible to address ancient wisdom withoutlooking at age. Chaucer sent this message to theyoungsters If were not foolish young, were foolishold . And in Rome, Augustine, on his rapid ageingsaid Give me chastity and continence; but not rightnow!. And all Bangers Ancients know that age istoo high a price to pay for maturity. As we advancein years, it is wise to consider this quote from an

unknown source and ponder the material world He who dies with the most toys is still dead!.

Turning to our beloved Ancients squad, historyhas contrived to ensure there have been no winsor defeats a wonderful legacy which must be

defended in the true spirit of sport.

If there become winners and losers, remember prefer a loss to a dishonest gain; the one bringspain for a moment, the other for all time (Chilon).As a group before our matches, we like to geteveryone on the same page but would do well tounderstand if everybody is thinking the same, thensomebody isnt thinking (George Patton).

Whilst training and coaching is a taboo for theAncients, This probably stems from a previousattempt to coach us which went something like this Pair up in groups of three and then line up in acircle (Ancients Coach).. Credibility gone! As to theon eld performances, a spectator was overheard

saying they were the quintessence of athleticatrocity!

Well, its high time we added some history andculture to the uncultured so no apologies for thisrambling monologue! More importantly, the Ancientswill have their next run at the Bangkok InternationalSevens on 28th October at the Royal Thai PoliceStadium. Mid afternoon sometime

We really need a good turnout so please quicklylet Foxy know you can play if you have not alreadydone so.

Go Banger (Ancients) !!!

Grahame Fox -Ancients Captain


14/44




15/44



BANTER : Its has taken the Banter a while to getaround to you. Thanks for your patience.DAVID : Not a problem, happy to have this oppor-tunity. One of the things that I have learned in myrelative short time living here is to be a lot morepatient.

BANTER : You have a great website. Tell us a lit-tle about Urbaan Real Estate, your objectives andoperation in Thailand.DAVID : Thanks for the compliment. When I

joined the company the site looked OK and wasfunctional but it needed a big upgrade. After doingsome important research into web developers,we commissioned a local company to build anew one. Along with supporting our website theyalso manage our SEO on an ongoing basis.The website is where we get the vast majorityof enquiries, plus it has the function of allowingclients to upload their own properties. This savesus time and it makes the entire process moreefcient.

We are a very small operation comprising myself,an agent in Pattaya, and another agent/adminperson in Bangkok. We are lucky that we havea couple of other companies in our group withwhich we share an ofce. We can tap into other

resources such as accounting, IT services, payrollstaff, and we share general ofce overheads.

Since we are a new business our objectives are toestablish our brand which targets the expat marketin Bangkok and Pattaya. They make up a largepart of the demographics in this region and they

and geographically close.BANTER : What do you see as your primary roleas the CEO of Urbaan Real Estate?DAVID : My primary role is to make a prot ofcourse. As we are a very small company I feel it isimportant to get involved with as many business,social and sporting organisations as possible tospread the word that we are around and happy tohelp people with their property needs. I am a fairlysocial person and enjoy an excuse to get out andabout, and at the same time raise our prole and

gather more contacts. The majority of success wehave had so far has been from meeting people thisway and following up.

BANTER : Its a crowded rental agency marketout there. What do you see as Urbaan Real Es-

CEO. Urbaan Real Estate, Thailand

tates strongest competitive values that differentiateyou from the opposition?DAVID : I am new to the real estate business, butas a consumer and somebody that has bought andsold several properties of my own, I know how I liketo be treated, and from talking to a lot of expats inThailand, the biggest frustration is being treatedlike an idiot. People dont want to spend an hour or

more in trafc to be shown a property that is totallywrong and not even close to the brief given. I like tothink that we dont waste our customers time, andif we dont have what they want, we dont pretendotherwise.

BANTER : What is the current state of the marketi.e. demand versus supply? Is there any concern ofa property bubble?DAVID : Housing demand in all segments remainsstrong. Overall housing sentiment is returning, asa repeat of last years ooding is unlikely to occur.

This will build up homebuyer condence, and main-tain the increasein prices. In thehigh-end segment,prices are quitevolatile, as manybuyers are specu-lators or investors,not real residents.There are conict-ing opinions re-

garding the issueof a property bub-ble. An economistfears that there aretoo many develop-

www.urbaanrealestate.comWebsite


16/44



ments, with those who have older condos movingto new condos, leaving the old ones empty. He saidhe was not sure whether there are new buyers, andsuggested there might only be small groups of peo-ple buying condos for speculative purposes, hopingto rent to foreigners or certain groups of Thais.Japanese and other foreigners are currently enjoy-ing low rents. A prominent banker has said his bank

did not yet see clear signs of a condominium-mar-ket bubble.

BANTER : Presumably you market is both Thaiand Westerner. Can you give us insight how youtarget each if these markets ?DAVID : Actually our focus to date has been just onexpats. I believe that we need to build our businessby dealing with a community that we know and un-derstand rst. Our long term goal is to employ more

Thai sales agents and cross over to this huge andlucrative market. We target the western market via

internet advertising, social media, press advertising,sponsorships, networking, and other promotionalways such as beer coolers, beach umbrellas, etc.

BANTER : Is there any increase in interest in West-erner buying a condominium or house in Thailand ?DAVID : There has been in increase in Westernerswanting to buy in the resort areas such as Phuket,Koh Samui and Pattaya, but not in Bangkok. Theytend to be people that are looking to retire, or atleast semi-retire, or work in elds such as oil & gas,

mining, engineering, etc, where they have long

periods of leave and would prefer to spend that timenear a beach in Thailand. The majorities of West-erners that come to Bangkok to live are on a two orso year contract, some with rental assistance, andtherefore are unsure how long they will stay andprefer to rent. Those who end up here longer arestill wary of buying as they are unsure about whatwill happen to the market via political and economic

factors.BANTER : I see from your website you have astrong presence in Pattaya. The market on theeastern seaboard is changing rapidly. Do you seeany potential stumbling blocks for Pattayas devel-opment in the future?DAVID : The biggest problem that I see for Pattayais that they dont have the growth in infrastructureto match the growth in developments. They shouldhave built more roads, widened roads, upgradedsewage pipes, water pipes, etc., before building

commenced at such a rapid rate. The trafc is asbad as Bangkok in Central & South Pattaya at cer-tain times of the day now.

BANTER : What are your future plans for UrbaanReal Estate?DAVID : Once we have established our businesshere we will look to expand into other regions inThailand, hopefully putting on more staff and even-tually opening ofces to service the need. We also

get a lot of interest from overseas investors lookingto buy in Thailand. It would certainly be nice to get

as big as a CBRE or Colliers, dreams are free.


17/44Pierre Andre

He is an aggressive strike runner

and when he takes the ball with

him, he can be quite a wrecking

ball in the mid feld.


18/44



ierre Andre the stylish, urbane, academicFrenchman and popular member of the OldBangkok Bangers Rugby Club.

Pierre Andre was born in coastal Saint-Brieuc, inBrittany, NW France in 1975. Britons apparently areconsidered a friendly people with a reputation forbeing stubborn who have strong inclination to enjoytheir alcohol. Pierre points out Brittany per head

lead the rest of France in alcohol consumption.Brittany has a long beer brewing tradition, tracing itsroots back to the seventeenth century. Perhaps thisis why.

Pierre took up rugby late in his youth whilsta student at the University of Paris. He wasintroduced to the game through gentle persuasionduring the university freshman welcome days. He

met this group of crazy guys who inuence his

decision. Subsequently, he joined the University

rugby club. I am still in contact with all these guys,Most of my long time friends are from that group Imet at university.Pierre enjoyed his university rugby years. He vividlyrecalling one story I remember once we werestopped by the police. We had ten players packedinside a Volkswagen. Fortunately they let us gobut they did conscate the booze! We were a club

that really enjoyed the third half of rugby. Pierregraduated with two masters degrees in engineeringand aeronautics.

Fun, the fraternity, the party and the dedication toyour team are key elements in Pierres rugby world.He enjoys the complexity of the game, the messy

rules as he calls them and playing with the ovalball.

He thinks honesty is really important to both yourteam and yourself. You must have a thirst forfun and a desire to overcome challenges. Pierreadded A good rugby player is also thirsty player!Referring of course, to the post game social activity.

After university, Pierre played most of rugby at asocial grade level. The little rugby he did played inclub level in France with club in Antibes and Brestwas as he puts it, a bit disappointing.

His rugby life has not been is inuenced by any

particular player and certainly not by the French

rugby superstars one could expect. He simply justloves the game.

Pierre thinks he lacks the mental strength to be agreat player and believes he needs a good captainand coach to motivate him.

However, Andrew Tatam his club captain, thinksdifferently He is an aggressive strike runner andwhen he takes the ball with him can be quite awrecking ball in the mid eld. Since becoming a

Banger Old Boy he has performed at a very highlevel with great performances at both the BangkokInternational Tens and Manila Tens last year.

When asked about the last Rugby World Cup. Hegave a Gallic shrug of the shoulders and reected

The nal against the New Zealand could easily

have turned the other way but really, I dont care


19/44



as long as someone beats the English, even betterif its the French.

Pierre enjoys watching a television games with histeam mates but does pay too much attention to anyparticular team. Generally I dont really rememberhow France played.

Pierre lived in Manila when was transferred therewith Eurocopter SEA, a division of EuropeanDefence and Space Company (EADS).

He really enjoyed that period of his life in rst

overseas posting. He was twenty ve and

discovering rugby in Asia, and the social life thatgoes with it. I think it is one of the main reasonswhy I am still an expat in Asia. He played for theManila Nomads and along side another coupleof Old Bangkok Bangers, Trevor Day and ChrisHartley who were in Manila at the time.

When he was`relocated to Thailand he ended upjoining the Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club. Ijust Googled Rugby Bangkok and up come the OldBangkok Bangers Rugby Club website and therewere pictures of Trevor Day and Chris Hartley. AsI had played with both of them in Manila, I realize Iwas making the right choice.

Rugby is synonymous with raising funds for charityand in Thailand this no different. EADS havetradition around the globe of supporting sport thatconvey teamwork and commitment. Pierre Jaffre,the Executive Vice President of EADS in SE Asiahappened to know Byron Kelleher, the former AllBlack, now living in Monaco. They discussed the

idea of a rugby tournament in Bangkok, raisingfunds for charity and under privileged kids .

The Byron Kelleher Charity Sevens was born and isnow in its second year. Our Pierre was very happyto play his part in this. It has been a real successand a lot of fun for him personally but also for theOld Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club. This was anopportunity for the Bangers to play along side

household named rugby international footballerslike Byron Kelleher, Serge Betsen, David Lyons,Rodrigo Capo-Ortega, Jrmy Castex and DaveVainqueur.

A Pierre favorite sporting moment occurred duringthe Byron Kelleher Charity Sevens this year. Heplayed at y half for the rst time in his rugby career.

After the fourth game that day, he recollects he wasplaying below par. A quick walk around the pitchand a refocus xed that. He decided for the last

game to have fun. Pierre did just that he did and

played a blinder.His practical advice to aspiring young rugbyplayers makes a lot of sense Do not think toomuch, listen to the coach, nod to the captain andalways run a straight line! After a pause he addedzig zag sucks. Anyone can join a club. Size andability is irrelevant. Another reason why the gameis important is you cannot hide on the eld. Your

team mates will soon let you know if you are notcontributing.

Pierre reckons raising kids is much more physicalthan Rugby! He should know. Pierre and Anne andhave three young ones. Outside rugby and work,they dont have much free time these days. Pierrecertainly populates the children demographic at theannual Bangers Christmas Carol evening and thefrequent Banger Family Days.

Pierre is loyal to a sport requiring commitment, skill,and discipline. He is a reminder of what the gameis all about the friendships you make, and thatplaying rugby at a social level is a lifestyle choicecapturing the essence, spirit, and challenges ofthe game. As a proud Frenchman and popular OldBangkok Banger, he has done more than his shareto promote the code and our club.


20/44


21/44

We have a very special club andmany amazing people who keep ourclub special. Long may it continue

and as long as my body is willing andable, I will continue to don our famousshirt.

Andrew Tatam


22/44



with

Club Captain. Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club

BANTER : For starters, where are you from inEngland ?ANDREW : A small village in North Cornwall calledTredrizzick. I have a feeling that my proud Cornishroots may crop up a lot in this interview!

BANTER : We met your father a couple of yearsago when he was here. He is a very active man. Itwould seem your family is sport orientated?ANDREW : He will be delighted to hear that! Dad

was more of a solo sportsman and a very goodkayaker with a love of climbing and skiing too. Mygrandfather was a cricketer and also loved his dartsand the odd pint!

BANTER : Growing up did you have an earlyinterest in rugby?ANDREW : When I went to secondary school ateleven, I was a bit of a tubster and fell in love withour wonderful game from my rst splat in the mud.

To discover a game where team was everything andeveryone had a role to play no matter what their

size or cool rating was a true life changer for me.From school my local club, the Camels started anUnder 16 team which I joined at 13. My course wasset and mud is still wonderful today!

BANTER : Who were some sporting heroes of your

as a kid ?ANDREW : Eric Bristow (Darts), Ian Botham(Cricket), Jonny Barnes (Football) Big Daddy(Wrestling), Steve Davies (Snooker), PeterWinterbottom, Rory Underwood, Jeremy Guscott,Mike Teague and Dean Richards (Rugby).

BANTER : Give us some background to your rugbyplaying days at universityANDREW : I joined Banger Normal College (dontlaugh) in North Wales in 1992 fresh from Cornwall.The North Welsh hate the English with a passionbut luckily for me, my Celtic links from Cornwallmade me a very welcome relative. The pack whenI arrived were monsters, so a shot at No. 8 where Ihad been playing looked a big ask. The club playedin the North Wales League against a lot of veryangry men who liked nothing better than a spot ofUniversity bashing on a wet Saturday afternoon.

As I enjoyed being bashed and returning the favourwith a cheery on top I made the shirt my own inthe rst few weeks and cherished every minute

in it. We also played in the University League onWednesdays and Rugby League on a Sunday so alot of rugby was played in my four years.

BANTER : Do you have fond memories of thoseearly days?ANDREW : The friendships made while livingtogether in an extremely close knit communityremain as strong today as they were then. I

managed to live in Halls of Residence for all fouryears and the powers that be even made myselfand my Cornish mate Tyler Hostel Wardens whichwas silly and magic at the same time. Memories ofHostel Jousting, Ironing board stair surng and our

very own radio station are as vivid today as theywere then. I loved it and wish we could all do it againa little more gently!

BANTER : After graduating and teaching in Englandfor a few years you moved out to Asia to a collegein Saigon ?

ANDREW : After four happy years teaching andplaying rugby in Worthing, Sussex I moved to Milanin Italy for three years where I met my lovely wifeEmma (Brownie points for the next tour love!). Fromthere we took the big step to Vietnam and a great


23/44



school there called ABC (again dont titter). I joined the Saigon Geckosand was fortunate to captain them for three very enjoyable hazy, butfun years.

BANTER : Then after Saigon you moved here to Bangkok, to yourcurrent position at Bangkok Patana School ?ANDREW : Yes, I was very fortunate to arrive in the August of 2006with a very pregnant Emma in tow. Life was about to change onseveral fronts with a new job, new home, new family and a new rugbyclub to nd!

BANTER : When you arrived I understand you joined the British ClubRugby team however, made a career decision and moved to theBangers ?ANDREW : Yes I wanted to join the British Club and attended a coupleof Thursday evening sessions on their tennis courts, but did not reallyconnect as they did not have a beer afterwards! The Sunday aftermy second visit, I walked across the road and entered the wonderful,whacky world of the Old Bangkok Bangers.

Tom Kerr was the Coach and Andy Raming and I were the only twounder 35 but, what a welcome and what a beer tally at the Red andWhite. I was a Banger in a two man Colts team and we were ready to

take on the world!BANTER : You seem to be enjoying your rugby with the Bangers ?

ANDREW :Certainly. Wehave a veryspecial club andmany amazingpeople who keepour club special.Long may itcontinue and as

long as my bodyis willing and ableI will continue todon our famousshirt.

BANTER : Since you been hereyou have played multiple roles inthe scrum. What position do youprefer to play ?ANDREW : Fly half, but I haveonly been allowed for our HanoiTour! Anywhere is an honour atmy age.

BANTER : You thrive in theleadership role. Under yourwatch the Banger Colts andVeterans have done well?ANDREW : I would like to thinkthat we continue to strive to bethe best that we can be on andoff the eld. I was delighted to

drag the Colts into life and stillenjoy captaining the Old Boys.

A little more training and

preparation would not hurt attimes but we are the club weare and I love the fact that wewelcome one and all regardlessof something as unimportant asRugby talent. We have won stufftoo you know!

BANTER : Great microphoneskills !!!!!!ANDREW : Why thank you. Askeverybody else. Do have great

microphone skills??BANTER : What do think makesa good club rugby player ?ANDREW : Heart, loyalty, awillingness to listen/learn and anunderstanding and patient family!

BANTER : You come into yourown at after game partyingANDREW : I have been knownto get a bit excited after a game itmust be said. I love the mateship

and am very weak willed. Whatcan I say..Yes probably!

BANTER : What motivates youduring a game?ANDREW : Normally revenge,not wanting to let my mates downand the thought of the third halfas the Italians called it.

BANTER : Who has been thebiggest inuence on your rugby

career?

ANDREW : Chris Boots Taylor(Wadebridge Camels), TegidPhillips (Banger Normal College)and Martin Johnson (Legend)

BANTER : What is has been


24/44



one of your best sportingmoment on the eld?

ANDREW : I played for aNorth Wales select teamagainst a Wrexham allstar team including JonahLomu shortly after hehad destroyed England

in the SA World Cup. Aclose second was scoringthe winning try againstthe Southerners at theBangkok Tens a few yearsago when they had a verystrong team.If I can stay injury freeI also hope to gain myrst International Cap for

Thailand Rugby Leagueshortly, but I never countmy chickens!!!!

BANTER : What is someof the best advice you have

ever received ?ANDREW : In my third year at University Idislocated my hip against Loughborough Universityplaying rugby league. The doctors said that I wouldnever walk again. Although my foot did not lift for2 years and I had to wear a hidden splint to playrugby it was all the motivation I ever needed to playas long as possible.

BANTER : What activity has been the biggest wasteof time in your life?ANDREW : Sleeping.

BANTER : What are some of your other interestsoutside of rugby?ANDREW : Answering questionnaires, outdooractivities, travel and adventure, my lovely family andthe students that I teach.

BANTER : If you could trade all you have achieved

in life and be 17 years old again, would you do

differently?ANDREW : Nothing. Mistakes or taking the roadless travelled make us stronger and shape who weare!

BANTER : You would have to be happy with thecurrent English side, They are playing well ?

ANDREW : Certainly think that they are going in theright direction but a long way to go. We need somebeef in the forwards and a little silk in the backs.

BANTER : I suppose you will be following theBritish Lions in AustraliaANDREW : Oh yes. If the magic works I hope tocatch the 2nd and 3rd Tests. I certainly think we willbe competitive and hope the Dingo holds on untilthe Summer!BANTER : Thanks for your timeNo, thank you for asking me.


25/44


26/44



he tour was essentially acoming-out party for Maorirugby and indeed the

Maori people and lasted anastonishing 14 months includingwell over three months at sea.

It took in a mind-boggling 107competitive games, includinga few Australian Rules games

in Melbourne and, althoughdesigned as a prot making

exercise, soon developed intoa ght for nancial survival,

especially during the long wintermonths touring around northernEngland.

Of the rugby matches in Britainthey won 49 of the 74 playedand of the 107 games on tourthey won 78. The 21 man party

included some of the early greatsof Maori rugby Tom Ellisonand the ve Warbrick brothers

They averaged a game every 2.3days, on three occasions playedmatches on consecutive daysand on one occasion played threematches in three days. Burn outclearly didnt exist in those daysalthough the ofcial tour log does

record that for one match they

were down to 11 t men.Days off were spent travellingto the next destination by train.In fact the British leg could onlybe undertaken because of the

New Zealand Native Tour To England In 1888

excellence ofthe existingtrain service, itwould be virtuallyimpossiblenow while thehospitality waslavish but tiring.

Some of theNative players

enjoyed LordShefelds spread

so much before the matchagainst Middlesex that they werefound asleep in nearby busheswhen it was time for the teamphotographs. The Natives playthat day was void of combinationaccording to the ofcial tour

report.

Later in the tour, the game

against Oxford was lost becausefestivities at Cambridge the nightbefore had not done our boysmuch good and after a banquetin Belfast a team memberinvolved in an altercation was leftto sleep in a cell overnight.

The tour was undertaken beforethe big split which resulted inrugby union and rugby leaguegoing their separate ways so the

opposition on the northern sectionwas the toughest imaginable,considerably tougher thanencountered by Dave GallahersInvincibles of 1905.

The tour was essentially theinvention of two men, JoeWarbrick, who was one of ve

rugby-playing Warbrick brotherson tour, and Thomas Eyton. In theabsence of any body regulating

the game in New Zealand (theNZRFU was not formed until1892 Eyton was free to promotea tour of Britain as a private,hopefully moneymaking, venture.

There were other themes aswell. British curiosity had beenaroused by the 1868 Aboriginalcricket tour in and there wasa fascination with the sportingprowess of the indigenous racesof the British Empire. The originalidea was that the entire party wasto be Maori although ultimatelythey had to recruit ve Pakeha

(white) forwards to ensure theywere competitive

It was the 1888 Natives whointroduced the Haka to the widersporting world and in those yearsit was a much ercer challenge

that the tepid pat-a-cake versionlater produced for decades byNew Zealand test sides dominat-ed by white Anglo/Saxons.

They were a physical team,criticized for being thugs in thesouth but much admired by theharder physical types in northernEngland and Wales. And ofcourse there was controversy notleast when they played Englandwho saw t to let the Test match

be refereed by Rowland Hill,secretary of the RFU who madesure England won

Uproar from the Maoris but

imperial and racial sensitivitieshad been rufed and the RFU

demanded an apology, to bedictated by Hill himself.

You couldnt make it up. It left abad taste for the rest of the tourand the Natives were not grantedany kind of ofcial send off

despite remaining popular in theshires. But they had made theirmark.

1893 was also the rst year an

ofcial NZRFU went on tour -

to Australia and Tom Ellisonfrom the Natives was their rst

captain.


27/44

ADMOCK


28/44



FITNESS TIPS AND MYTHS OF RUGBY

he face of rugby has changed. Theoverweight props have been re-placed by much leaner, more mus-

cular players. What does it take to be theperfect rugby player?

The modern game of rugby requires moreskilful utility players with extremely highlevels of all-round tness, yet also requiring

specic tness for specialist positions,.

NO MORE OVERWEIGHT FORWARDSLong gone are the days of overweight, fatforwards. They must be mobile and agile,but strong. The backs must be stronger totackle well, must survive the more physicalgame better and must be able to stay ontheir feet.

THE RULES OF THE GAME HAVE CHANGEDThe players are more professional, and there is a greater risk for overuse injuries and staleness. Rulechanges have resulted in a more owing game, which results in longer periods of play without stoppages.

Rugby is a complex multi faceted sport. Rugby union has more individual position specic requirements andat top level training will need to reect this This is because this specic type of training should only be a

small fraction of training time once a player has achieved basic tness across a wide range of attributes.

All singing all dancing circus programmes e.g.doing dumb bell curls whilst standing on a sitt will NOT improve performance. Choose

multi joint exercises and WORK HARD; thiswill make you strong. Work on your individualweaknesses using predominantly dumb belland body weight exercises.

Liberal use of the word strong. Field athletesare strong, weight lifters are strong; some eliterugby players are now becoming strong butmany are NOT STRONG. A simple formulaused by old timers for strength was 3,4,5 i.e.bench 300lb, squat 400lb, dead lift 500lb.

Liberal uses of world class and t etc seeabove.

Lat machines are for people who are too fat todo pull ups.

Excuses for poor physique e.g. Hes young,

hes got puppy fat- NO he is FAT, probablycaused by a combination of POOR DIET, LACKOF EXERCISE, WEAK WILLPOWER andPOOR EDUCATION

There is nothing wrong with drinking lots of

beer and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, porkpies etc so long as you only want to watchsport and not participate.

Moaning about being tired; players used towork for 8 hours down the pit catch a bus totraining arrive back home at midnight and getup for the next shift at 6am!! 13 year old swim-

mers do 60 minute sessions at 5am!! Wanting to run before we can walk, i.e. can

you do a minimum of 8 pull ups, 20 twentypress ups and 50 lunges plus 50 body weightsquats and 30 crunches rest for a minute andrepeat three times? If not, why are asking foran advanced programme?

Lack of general tness; see point above pluscan you overhead squat with a dowel, can youoverhead lunge with a dowel, can you run atleast 1300m in 5 minutes? If not you are OUT

OF SHAPE in some form or another. Off -feet conditioning; this is often used as an

excuse to avoid hard work. Players do not gett for rugby on stationary bikes!!!


29/44




30/44



ave the Bangers forwards noticed yet that the world of Rugby has released the Pause button anddispensed with the need to Engage in favour of going straight into a Set.....whatever that means.

The old scrum dressage ritual of CROUCH TOUCH PAUSE ENGAGE has been shortened to onlythree much quicker actions CROUCH TOUCH SET. The foreplay has been cut short so the scrum hasbecome a quickie, a sort of short time, if you get my meaning. I think the Banger forwards prefer short

times as opposed to long drawn out engagements which usually only end in collapse, pulling down, boringin and, god forbid, popping up.

Apparently, according to some sad git who has nothing else to do but compute statistics, there have beengames where 27% of the time has been taken up with scrummaging. Thats 21 minutes out of 80. A longtime to be crouching and touching. Perhaps a change of terminology would give this gladiatorial collisiona more appealing and exotic aura and lessen the perception of it being a waste of good rugby time ........when the backs could have the ball.

Lets face it the CROUCH is not really a crouch in the crouching tiger sense. The TOUCH is usually a shortjab with the st as the embarrassed props think it just looks too gay to caress or pat their opposite number

in the real meaning of touch. SET is something you usually use in tennis or making jelly or that badgerslive in. Also different words have different connotations in different parts of the world. I think the terminol-

ogy needs to change so here is my view of how different nationalities might command the scrum.

Lets have your suggestions for the next Banter.........

IRELAND SQUAT, PAT, SPLAT

FRANCE HUDDLE, CUDDLE, FUDDLE

WALES CRAM, BAM, RAM

USA STACK, SMACK, ATTACK

THAILAND BAI, WAI, TAORAI

ENGLAND BUNCH, PUNCH, CRUNCH

ITALY SLITHER, DITHER, DITHER, DITHER DITHER

WOMENS RUGBY SNATCH, SCRATCH, MATCH

BANGERS CRINGE, BINGE, MINGE

Tom Kerr - Banger Coach 2006 - 9


31/44



ATTHEW BURKE, the legendary Wallaby fullback, wrotethis piece explaining the meaningful quotes you hear on

TV and read in the papers in Australia describing teammates and opponents. Read on.......

CHARACTER Hes a real character of the game - Hes a wanker He always gives 110% - He tackles blokes during a touch

game Hes hard to stop once he gets a roll on - Hes fat Hes passionate about playing for his country - He wears his

rep gear to the shops Hes a tough competitor - Hes a prick Hes unpredictable - He can only concentrate for 140

characters Hes a larrikin - Hes a pisshead Hes an experienced campaigner - Hes an old bastard who talks about the old days incessantly Hes condent - He has a lot of photos of himself on his phone. Also he walks around the sheds nak

SELF-REFLECTION I just try to concentrate on doing the little things right - If distracted, I have the ball skills of a blind

lesbian I cant see the ball to catch it, and when I catch it I have no idea what to do with it. I just try to contribute to the team - Im in shit-hot form a little bit disappointed with the way some of the

other boys have been playing

TEAM TALK Full credit to the boys - We tried really hard, so dont hate us It was a disappointing result - FAAAARRRKKKK!!! Who do you have to do to win around here? Were excited for the challenge - I reckon well get belted by 30 Theyre the form side in the competition - Probably closer to 50 Coach has got some really interesting ideas - I have no idea what in the f#$k he is on about


32/44



Best airline ? ThaiPolitics ? Waste of timeReligion ?God, no ! Not for me.Sex? Better with companyReality TV? TossersRed Shirts ?TossersSoccer? Good game, but too many prima donnas with the aninner ear problem that effects their balance

Best airline ? Thai

Politics ? Waste of timeReligion ?God, no ! Not for me.Sex? Better with companyReality TV? TossersRed Shirts ? TossersSoccer? Good game, but too many prima donnas with the aninner ear problem that effects their balance

QUICK FIRE

FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND:

Where were you born ?Sutton, South LondonThe name of your rst rugby club ?

Croydon RFCWhat was your club nickname ?Didnt have one we werent very imaginativeWhat is your nick name now ?Dont use one, but get called a few choice things whichcould be interpreted as nick-names at a stretchDid you ever play rst grade rugby ?No, nowhere near rst grade.

Where do you call home ?Bangkok

Five words that describe you.?Fat, bald, ugly, useless lumpWhats is a phrase you use often ?How hard can it be !!Are you superstitious ?Touch wood, noWhat is the most surprising thing that has ever to happento you ?I lived to be older than 40Whats a common misperception people have of you ?I get accused of being AustralianWhats your ideal night out ?

Some good food, wine and a few cleansing ales to washit down withIn a nutshell, what is philosophy of life ?You only get one life, so make the most of itAfter a busy day what would be the perfect way to relax ?A couple of glasses of beer and some sleepWhat motivates you to be focused and driven ?Knowing that I cant retire until my kids are through uniWhats your favourite food ?Penang mooWhat is your greatest talent or party trick ?Pulling a cork out of a bottle with a handkerchiefBook you are currently reading or have just nished ?

Virtual History by Niall FergusonFavourite TV programme ?Family GuyFavourite lm ?

Blues BrothersMost enjoyable holiday location ?Kota KinabaluPerson(s) you would most like to meet ?Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton, Genghis Khan,Nostradamus, Karl Marx, The Duke of WellingtonHobbies: ?Reading

Biggest inuence on career ?Alcohol.Best career advice you were given ?Its up to you son. No one else will do it for you.Other sports that you played ?Pretty much anything soccer, cricket, squash, tennis,

volleyball, etcBest rugby memory ?I brought two non-playing friends along to a game tocheck out whether they wanted to play, and they watchedfrom the sideline. I scored a try within two minutes so

they thought it must be easy. Next week, one of themdislocated his shoulder on his rst contact.

Rugby player you admire most ?Jason RobinsonRugby team you like to watch ?I hate to say this, but Wales are very entertaining at themoment.Sporting event you would most like to attend ?British Lions tourThree people you would invite to dinner ?Nigella Lawson so that she could cook it; Jason Leonardto help me eat it and Halle Berry for obvious reasons;

Kier Merrick - Banger Ancient


33/44



albeit it with a limited game plan. It has been great to see howcompetitive they have been and how they lost to Australia last weekwill be a mystery to them for time to come.

Graham Henry has had a clear inuence on their game particularly

in defence and one can only hope that they will develop into a worldpower in the game. After all, they did get third in the 2007 Rugby WorldCup and I am sure they will continue to develop.

Talking of limited game plans what is going on with South Africa?? Iwas at the game they played against the All Blacks in Dunedin on the15th of September and was unimpressed with their tactics.

They will be wearing rugby balls out with the amount they kick them.They had a single mind-set that kicking for territory was going to winthem the game and with the penalties they got maybe, they shouldhave.

I am glad they were not successful. Rugby should be played as agame where teams attack with the ball in hand. It would be a travesty ifteams can win with such limited tactics.

Bangkok International Sevens and Chiang Mai TensThese two excellent tournaments are coming up and I look forwardagain to engaging with the Bangers on the eld. Hands Off The Ball

Tates will be heard on the eld as usual.I am yet uncertain if the new law variations are to be used in thesetournaments but as we are in the Northern Hemisphere they should beadopted. I will get back to you on this point when I know what is hap-pening. Good luck to the Bangers and hope you can go all the way thistime

ast time I discussed the experimental law varia-tions that have been introduced in the NorthernHemisphere competitions that have just started and

also being trialed in the ITM Cup in New Zealand andCurrie Cup in South Africa.

From what I have seen so far the new laws are having aprofound effect on speeding up the game. The one varia-tion in particular is the ve second law at the back of rucks

where the referee is clearly saying, use it and then youhave ve seconds from then to play the ball.

To all the halfbacks out there good luck with your tness

programmes. You will need to be tter to clear the ball from

every ruck or maybe as usual have a breather and let theprops and hookers play dummy half in your absence. As aformer halfback myself I understand how demanding theposition is and under these new laws will only be moredemanding.

On the other hand I am not thatimpressed with the new scrumengagement of Crouch, Touch,Set.

I have not yet seen any evidencethat this is reducing the amountof collapsed scrums but maybethis will happen over time as thefront rows in particular get moreused to the new engagement

sequence.Rugby ChampionshipAs an All Black supporter, I ampleased to see the All Blacksmarch on in this years RugbyChampionship.

The lack of tries by all teamsmust be a worry for SANZAR whopride themselves that SouthernHemisphere rugby is morespectacular than that in the North

The defences on display so farhave been top drawer and evenclean line breaks normally getclosed down.

Argentina have been a revelation

Mike Gilbert - NZRFU Registered Referee


34/44



here are two types of diet in rugby: the liquiddiet and the diet that involves not reallythinking about what youre eating because

you know youll burn it off during the game. But,former England ace turned foodie, Matt Dawson,shows us how to eat your way to victory.

LITTLE AND OFTENYou should be eating ve or six times a day. Try to

get into the habit of having a very substantial break-fast; toast, eggs on toast, if you want to have yourbacon and egg sandwich then go for it.

Id trim a bit of the fat off the bacon, have somebrown bread, avoid butter. From there youre eat-ing every two or three hours. Things like fruit, nuts,hummus with pitta breadpack of bread, all those littlesnacks you eat throughout the day, theres some re-ally good ways of staying full.Over the day, youre probably eating just as much,but youre spreading it out so your body can absorb

it and use it to help you carry it on during the day.FUEL YOUR BODYProtein is a key part of your diet, most of it should be consumed after training. If youve exerted yourselfquite hard, youve got to get in whatever you can to replenish those stocks within 20 or 30 minutes. Youvegot to refuel it so it can do it again the next day. If you miss that window you do miss that opportunity to re-plenish the muscles and the systems of your body, so that they can grow and become stronger.

HYDRATIONOn game day the temptation is to drink a load of energy drinks because you think thats where theyre goingto get your energy from. If anything that can subdue your energy levels because theyre not used properly.The secret is to work your way from water, but not too much as youll wash out all your essential nutrients.Maybe starting off drinking a half and half mix of energy drink and water, as it gets closer to the game,

maybe three quarters mix, and then half an hour before the game, start loading up so youre ready to go, sothat when it comes to kick off all your energy stores are full.

DURING THE GAMEAt half time Jelly Babies are good to replenish those lost sugars and salts and the glycogen stores. Beforethe game some people have a really strong coffee to give them that caffeine kick.

WHAT TO EAT FOR RUGBY SUCCESSFormer England Player Matt Dawson


35/44


36/44



followed by a few beers over in the Red and White.I would supplement that with a trip or two to the gymin the week to aid tness.

Here in England my rugby training is on a Thurs-day evening which entails an hour and half journey

home from work, change into my training gear jumpinto the car and try to get to Wanstead by 19.30.

Training usually lasts 90 minutes then its a quickshower and a dash home to try and reach the chipshop before it closes at 10.00 for a late dinner

No such luxuries as a gym over here and have tosupplement my tness training by jumping off the

Underground at Tower Hill and run from there towork two or three times a week. The run is aboutthree miles.

Bangers I wish you every success in the TRU andSEA Challenge Cup tournaments. Hope to pick upa game or two myself over the coming months. Ivealready been asked to play for our third team butthat is too much of a regular commitment and tryingto hold out for the Desperado xtures (over 35s)

However the rain is falling and the ground softeningmay not be able to resist the call much longer.

Stewart Gorman - London, Banger 2007 -10

CHECK US OUT ON FACEBOOK

he rugby season in England at the top levelhas got off to an entertaining start. My team,London Wasps have only won one of their

rst four games but have picked up a bonus point in

each match and performed as well as can beexpected given their start.

They lost the season opener against Harlequins42-40 but picked up two bonus points by scoring

four tries and losing by less than seven points. Nextup was Bath away where a late penalty meant wepulled it back to a 30-23 defeat and claimed anotherlosing bonus point. A 43-13 home victory againstLondon Irish meant a bonus point for scoring fourtries again. A similar result to the Bath one with alate penalty pulling Wasps within seven points atGloucester losing 29-22.

Thought that England, Wales and Scotland all didwell on their Southern Hemisphere tours and augurswell for an exciting Lions tour to Australia next

year. There is a lot of talk in Britain right now aboutWelsh players dominating the squad but it would notsurprise me if more English players like Robshawand Croft come to the fore. Ive never done a Lionstour before but hope to put that right next year if Ican get match tickets.

Although Ive not played a match this season havedone some pre-season training. Thought that wasneeded after playing in the nal weekend of last

season. It was the rst time I have ached so much

that on the Monday to work it was a struggle to sit

on the Underground and at work. In the end I had togo and get some pain killers. Fortunately it was alsoSt. Georges Day so had already booked a half dayto go celebrate and felt much better after that.

Have to admit that the training regime in Bangkokwas much more fun. My training routine therewas much more relaxed and usually started with aThai massage in Soi 26, then a run out at Patana


37/44



aving a roommate who was aformer international rugbystar was never intimidating,

as I never played or understood thegame of rugby, growing up in theland of Septics!

Resigning my former job, to startup a custom sportswear companywith the former international rugbystar was just the beginning of myexpected duties and responsibilities.

One of which was to start playing forthe local rugby union club called theOld Bangkok Bangers.

Never did I imagine how the nexttwo years would avour my view of

rugby and those individuals who consider themselves both athletesand rugby players.

All stories have a start and an end. I will start this story by highlightinghow I was nickname by my teammates as the ice hockey Soft HockeyC*#t, Then I became into Frosty the Snowman, and nally Frosty!.

What a transformation.

To this day, I am sure a majority of the Banger community still cannotgive you my real name.

I was taught from anearly age to respect myelders, I was also taught

to not be a bully and totry to always put myselfin the others shoes so tobetter understand theirshortcomings.

This understanding was toallow me to be patient, kindand respectful even whenothers were not being sodisrespectful.

One such rugby elder, was

an albino, bow-legged,white haired, crusty Irishbully who was the rugbycoach.

My rugby responsibilities

where spelled out to me by theformer international rugby star,and the rules and strategies ofthis strange game discussed andexplained. Why do I have to putmy head between their assesand reach up between their legs?What position do I play? Doubt

and confusion reigned. I hadmany sleepless nights wonderingwhat I had gotten myself into.

So to my rst afternoon of

practice. We went on the lightrun around the rugby pitch as Iobserved the funny goal posts,the different shapes and sizes ofmy new team mates and mostimportantly, the array of differenttness levels.

We nished a few laps and wethen told to form a circle. Thealbino bully stood in the middle ofthe group with his little whistle.

This was not a man who lookedlike had played rugby - ever -, letalone coach the game.

My assessment had never beenmore accurate. The East Germanstyle calisthenics were the rst

give away. Deep knee bucket

squats, jumping jacks, and highknee lifts were just some of thedrills.

My future team mates werenot blessed with the athleticprowess, I envisioned prior to myrugby debut.

Beer guts, knee braces andbinding straps on all appendagesas well as mismatched socks,short, boots, and jerseys.

I was unaware, that ninetypercent of the players werehangover from the night before.Just breathing for them wasexercise.

Andrew Hjelmeland. Banger Player 2007- 8. Now Living In China

Youre not in Kansas anymore Dorothy!!!The Wicked Witch of the East, Wizard of OZ


38/44

ADMOCK

ADMOCK


39/44



t seems like onlythe other weektwenty ve No-

mads rugby playerswere gearing up forour second SEA Cupmatch against ournew friends fromBangkok.

There was a senseof excitement sur-rounding the weekas we were nally

going to get to playsome proper rugby

The Nomads hadhigh hopes about coming to Bangkok and try tosneak out a win on the road in our quest for the rst

SEA Cup championship.

We knew it was going to be a tough 80 minutes and

would have to play the best game of the year tokeep pace with the Bangers forwards. I was lookingforward to stepping on the eld and testing myself

against my old mates and looking for Tates and Jeffto show me some Banger love.

The SEA Challenge Cup was an idea created by ourtwo ex-captains of the Nomads. Jon Morales andAaron Briddon decided we needed to come up witha competition that would allow us to play some goodfteens rugby against teams other than our local

cross town rival Alabang Eagles.

They got tired of playing the same team eight timesa year and frankly so were the rest of the Nomads.They decided to contact the best ve rugby clubs

in Southeast Asia and see if they would be open toplaying a competition to crown the rst ever SEA

Challenge Cup Champion. Our own little Five Na-tions tournament.

I recall my rst time with the Bangers and Coach

Tom asking Trevor if he had heard about Americansplaying rugby. They both had a good laugh when Itold them my club back home was quite skilled andoften one the state championship. They let me provemyself and in return I donned the thirteen jersey for acouple years for the Bangers.

Now I would be wearing that same thirteen but forthe green and black Nomads. It was going to be an

exciting day for me as I was about to go head tohead with the team that I have bled with on count-less occasions. On that day my team proved resil-ient enough to come out ahead but in the words ofTom and Trevor: Youll always be a Banger.

There has been rumors that I have been doingmore than just playing rugby over here in Manila.Seems our good friend Mike has managed to nd a

snapshot of my posted on the web doing something

unheard of in Banger history.I have been brought into the world of TV commer-cials and modeling. After your laughter has subsidedI can conrm it is true. There have been occasions

that local companies have needed some expats toserve small roles in commercials and print advertis-ing.

As you can see you can put lipstick on the pig,but I will keep my rugby career going as I thinkI have a better shot of making the next world cupinstead of the cover of Locked up Abroad.

MoMo

Steve Mommaerts - Manila Nomad RFC & Old Bangkok Bangers RC

In My Banger Kit 2008


40/44



obbie Deans, a Kiwi, was appointed coach of the Wallabies inDecember 2007 , perhaps the most controversial appointment inthe history of Australian rugby. He did not come to the role without

some previous success. As a player he represented the All Blacks on 19occasions and played four test matches. You do not achieve this withoutsome talent.

At the end of his playing career he went into coaching, eventually winningve Super Rugby titles with the Crusaders as well as taking on various

assistant coaching roles with the All Blacks. Had the playing talenttransformed into coaching talent ?

The results appeared to support this view, but the people that really

mattered, the Kiwi rugby hierarchy didnt buy it and bypassed him for thenext clear obvious step up, that is, as coach of the worlds best All Blacks.

ROBBIE DEANS -Dead Man Coaching

To many outsiders, this seemedat the time to be a bafing deci-sion, opting for the previouslyfailed dinosaur Graham Henryover the all conquering, up andcoming Robbie Deans. TheKiwis didnt want him and Deansresponded by making himselfavailable for the Wallabies joband the rest is history.

AUSTRALIAN VIEWPOINT

Lets look at the record. At thetime of writing, Deans has beenthe Wallabies coach for 62 testmatches. He has won 37 of thesematches and has lost 25. He haswon 3 tests against the All Blacksand lost 14. He has won 4 tests

against the Boks and lost 9.And scattered among those 25losses were consecutive lossesto Scotland for the rst time in

Wallaby history and a humiliatingloss to Samoa. I do not want todenigrate the wins by Scotlandand Samoa in any way. Deansshowed both teams disrespect byopting for second stringers andthe best teams won on the day

and the worst coach lost.In contrast lets look at Rod Mc-Queens record, 42 tests for 34wins and 8 losses with a winningrecord of 5 tests to 2 against boththe All Blacks and the Boks. He

also won the 1999 World Cup,a Bledisloe or two and Scotlandand Samoa didnt get a look in.

Robbie Deans is not withouthis supporters. Many point thenger at his player base for not

stepping up and delivering. Howmany times did the Wallabies getwithin a whisker of the All Blacks?

What about Matt Giteau missinga kick from right in front to seallosses against both England andScotland.What about all those greatheroes from earlier world cupcampaigns retiring just as hetook control ?There was no clear captain thereto support the new coach - whobasically wanted to clear thedecks and start from scratchanyway.Lets also not forget that we hadthe Australian Rugby Unionsaying at the time that therewas no viable local option so aforeign coach was necessary.

This was John ONeil whoquit immediately after theappointment of Deans.

Now there are choices. Deansdoes not have the clear water

between himself and his rivalsthat he enjoyed in 2008. ONeil isback but the mandate and controlhe enjoyed in 2007 is very muchdiluted.

We have Ewen Mackenzie, Super15 winning coach with the Reds

and before that probably the bestcoach in Waratah history.

I do not know what really moti-vated Robbie Deans to cross theditch. He was heir apparent to themost sought after coaching posi-tion in the Rugby. I suspect therewas some spite involved and asa result I cannot see him return-ing to be a contender for the AllBlacks coaching role ever again.

In the end the Kiwis got it right.They did not believe that Deanswas ready to take the step up tointernational coach from provin-cial coach. His efforts on this sideof the ditch have been less thenspectacular.

I truly believe that his Kiwi DNAjust could not get him up againstthe All Blacks - it was just not go-ing to happen. I guess Japan or

Europe beckon.Overall he comes across as areasonable man who made thewrong choice at the wrong time.

Verdict : Failure

Verdict : Go

SHANE CALDWELLBanger Original - 2006


41/44



Tom Watters - First Bangers Captain 2007- 8

here has always been some difference of opinion between the usefulness of the backs and theforwards. Below is an article by ex Springbok prop, Cookie Oosthuizen which gives one forwardsview of the differences.

As a former scrum half turned anker I have a somewhat different view. In my day the backs were called

the Brylcreme Boys after a well known hair product which kept your hair in place in all types of weather etc.It was a form of grease which probably could have been used for cooking.

In fact I had an interesting incident with a young Thai lady many years ago in a massage parlour on Silom

Road where Brylcreme was used in a way for which I think is was never intended. Sorry I digress. Thebacks were called the Brylcreme Boys because during a whole game their hair was never out of place. Thiswas not necessarily because they were using Brylcreme but because they never really got stuck into thegame in the same way the forwards did.

On the other hand the backs called the forwards Numb Nuts, usually not to their face mind you, especiallyto a low number numb nut in the front row. Obviously this term of endearment was due to the lower IQ ofmost of the forwards and the fact that they did not seem to mind getting punched around a bit and hencetheir nuts must have been numb.

So now Ill leave it to good old numb nut, Cookie Oosthuizen, to give you his thoughts.

It is largely unknown to

players and followers ofthe modern game thatrugby started off purelyas a contest for for-wards in opposition inline-outs, scrums, rucksand mauls. This pittedeight men of statuesquephysique, supreme t-ness and superior intel-ligence in packs against

one another.In those days, thewinner was the packthat won the most setpieces. The debase-

ment of the game began when backs were introduced. This occurredbecause a major problem was where to locate the next scrum or line-out. Selecting positions on the ground for these had become a con-stant source of friction and even violence. The problem was resolvedby employing forward rejects, men of small stature and limited intel-ligence, to run aimlessly around within the eld of play.

Following a set piece, the ball would be thrown to one of them, whowould establish the next location either by dropping it or by throwingit to another reject for dropping. Very occasionally, a third reject wouldreceive the ball before it would be dropped, and crowds would wildlycheer on these rare occasions. Initially these additional players wereentirely disorganized but with the passing of time they adopted set

positions.

For instance, take the half-back.He was usually one of the small-est and least intelligent of thebacks whose role was simply toaccept the ball from a forwardand to pass it on to one of theother rejects who would drop it,providing the new location forthe forwards to compete. Hecould easily (given his generalsize) have been called a quarter

forward or a ball monkey but thentolerance and compassion arethe keys to forward play and thepresent euphemism was decidedon..

The ve-eighth plays next to

the half-back and his role isessentially the same exceptthat when pressured, he usuallypanics and kicks the ball.Normally, he is somewhat taller

and slightly better built than thehalf-back and hence his name.One-eighth less and he wouldhave been a half-back, three-eighths more and he might well


42/44



have qualied to become a forward.

The centres were opportunists who had no expertisebut wanted to share in the glamour associatedwith forward packs. After repeated supplication tothe forwards for a role in the game they would betold to get out in the middle of the eld and wait for

instructions. Thus, when asked where they played,they would reply in the centre. And they remain to

this day, parasites and scrounges who mostly work aslawyers or used car dealers.

You may ask, why wingers? The answer is simple.Because these were players who had very littleability and were the lowest in the backline peckingorder, they were placed as far away from the ball aspossible. Consequently, and because the inside backs

were so diligent in their assigned role of dropping the ball whenever they received it, the main contribution tothe game made by the winger was not to get involved.

Their instructions were to run away as quickly as possible whenever trouble appeared, and to avoid tacklesat all costs. The fact that the game was organised so that the wingers didnt get to touch the ball led to an

incessant ow of complaints from them and eventually the apt description whingers was applied. Eventhough the h dropped off over the years, the whingeing itself unfortunately has not.

Lastly, the full-back. This was the position given to the worst handler, the person least able to accept or passthe ball, someone who was always in the way. The name arose because the forwards would understandablybecome infuriated by the poor play invariably demonstrated by that person, and call out send that foolback. He would then be relegated well out of everyones way to the rear of the eld.

So there you have it. Lets return to the glory days of a contest between two packs of eight men ofstatuesque physique, supreme tness and superior intelligence. The rest can go off to where they will be

happier, playing with themselves!!!


43/44



Old Bangkok Banger Rugby Therapist

NantidaIve been married for eleven years, to a Thai ladyI meet when I rst arrived in Bangkok. Lately the

spark has gone out of our relationship. It is nonexistent. At the same time, Ive increasingly noticedthat my administrative assistant who has full andpouty lips, always seems eager to please me -bringing me my coffee, lunch, buying me small giftsetc. Id like to pursue some kind of affair with her.Whats the scoop?Dreamer

NantidaWe have been married for ve years to this pretty

young thing and the magic has gone out of ourrelationship. Can you suggest anything to re-ignitethe spark?Re-Ignite

The scoop, as you so crudely put it, is that youshould be aware of implications in the ofce work

enviroment. Note also the world economic down-turn that shows no signs of ending, prices are goingup, and that any who have a job should be carefulnot to offend those who employ them.I believe in the Thai concept called gratitude, andbelieve that you should give this administrative as-sistant an opportunity to excel in this regard. Haveher stay late on some pretext and share your feel-ings. If she agrees, then all is well. If not, then you

may make clear to her who will be next to go comeany down sizing.

What ye must understand is that marital gymnasticsare constantly evolving. What may have kept your

parent happy just wont do for the modern couple.What I would suggest is you check out the internetor get hold of some up to date sex manuals with thelatest grips and holds. That should do the trick.

NantidaAre these letters real, or are they made up?Curious

It all depends on if we get enough letters in fromreal people or not. If I dont, we have to make someup. Your letter, for example, is made up and notfrom a real person. Im an advice columnist so thequestions that you ask should be asking for advice,not information about how things are done. Id ap-preciate it if we could keep these kinds of letters toan absolute minimum.

NantidaIve been a relationship with this farang rugby guyfor almost a year and he does not have a real job.When we rst met, he was working but, he quit

because he wanted to branch out on his own andwork for himself.Well, since then, he has not been actively lookingand I do everything for him, give him money buyhim clothes, pay his bills everything!!I am so frustrated. To top all this off he will be thirty

in about two months, he has two children. I knowsome of the money I give him he spends drinkingwith his rugby playing friends.Farang Costs Money

You need to sit this man down and explain to himhow important it is he helps out nancially. Remind

him that he has his children to support and be arole model for.One thing you can do that would force him to shapeup is stop paying for everything . Let him go withoutyour money. Hes become too comfortable and he

needs to be shocked into action.His rugby drinking sessions you fund, will have togo. This will be hard for him. Bonding with friendson the weekend is farang activity he will really miss.


44/44

Date post:	04-Apr-2018
Category:	Documents
Upload:	mike-laloli
View:	220 times
Download:	0 times

Banger Banter Newsletter 3rd Quarter 2012

Documents